Manifolds
by Miss.Maraudeur
Summary: Set after S04ep08. Naomi is involved in an accident when she runs away from Emily after an argument. Her world becomes a mess when she wakes up and realizes she's not in the hospital. In fact she has no idea where she is and what it means.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well hello FFnet people. This is my first skins story... I am quite shy abou posting it. I rarely ever post what i write! But I've been reading stories about Skins and Naomily for quitesome time now... And the obsession just doesn't fade... I've read so many beautiful stories by so many talented authors that somehow i feel like i'm not quite worthy to enter this realm of storytelling that is Naomily... But then there was this one idea... that sorta came out of nowhere. And it stuck. So obviously I had to write it. I have to say that the first 3 chapters are all part of the intro. The ''real'' story should kick in after that. This is also the first time i try this style of writing (very personal first person perspective).**

**I****'m giving the story an M rating for mature subjects... Although they probably won't come up immediately... they should quite soon. Oh and M for mature langage as well. And here is the part where I explain that to me, skins comes with swearing. it just does. Oh and it's also the part where I explain that i'm actually French. From Canada. So swearing in english... not that big a deal for me. I can i say this.. it's like.. not proper swearing to me. So sorry if you cringe every time you hear the ''F'' word. Since it will come up quite regularly. **

** Finally, it should be noted that this story will be entirely in Naomi's pov. It wouldn't really work otherwise. You'll see why, but not today )**

**So here goes nothing... I don't have a beta reader. So all mistakes are mine. Sorry**

**Disclaimer: Well I don't own Skins. No really i swear. I used to but then i wanted to buy a pair of shoes so i sold it. sad really... right. not really.**

**Manifolds**

Chapter 1:

"Emily _please!_" I yelled trying to form coherent words through my sobs.

She just stood there immobile, her back to me. I wasn't even sure if she was hearing me at all in this pouring rain. Her small body was completely soaked, her hair clinging to the side of her face. I could see her shoulders heave slowly, difficultly. She was in pain, that part was obvious. I hated seeing her like that, I always had. As I glanced over at her small hand holding that bloody gun, I felt shivers run through my body uncontrollably. How could we have gotten there? Never in my life could I have imagined this sort of situation. And to top it off we just _had_ to be standing on this fucking rooftop again. I didn't like it one bit. This whole situation was completely fucked up, completely wrong. How could _my _ Emily be in such a terrible state? How could she have gotten to that point? And why couldn't I have prevented it from happening? I wanted to walk up to her, to reach out for that stupid gun and toss it as far as I possibly could, but the thought of scaring her had me completely petrified. What if walking towards her gave her the final push to act? What if she slipped and fell? What if she just jumped?

"Emily, please talk to me!" I felt compelled to try again. "I'm so sorry Ems!" I could hear my own voice breaking. I was rather pathetic by that point.

My breath caught in my throat as she turned around slowly, inching the gun closer to her beautiful, but broken face. Her hand was dreadfully steady, her eyes set and completely full of despair.

**Sometime Before…**

I woke up that morning quite abruptly. I had been feeling rather restless for a while now and today was no different. I opened my eyes slowly and instantly felt my lips curl into a smile. Emily was curled beside me, snoozing quietly and hugging a pillow to her chest. No matter how many times I had awoken to that sight now, it still had the same effect on me as it had that first time all those years ago.

It had been 6 years now since I had admitted to Emily how I really felt about her. 6 years filled with love and happiness such as I had never thought could be possible. After college, Emily and I had ended up travelling for a few months like we had planned and then went to Uni. Luckily for us our Unis hadn't been that far from each other and we had been able to rent a small place to ourselves in London.

We had decided to move back to Bristol after that. Funnily enough, once you got out of it, Bristol really didn't feel like a shithole anymore. As ironic as it is, I had missed my hometown like crazy through Uni and had been nearly begging Ems to come back. I couldn't have been more relieved when Emily had expressed her own desire to come back. I guess I shouldn't have been that surprise; Bristol was her home too, after all.

Cautiously, I lifted myself up on my elbows and glanced at the alarm clock.

_6h02_

Great. It wouldn't actually go off for another 28 minutes so I had time for a quick jog around the block. I got out of bed slowly not to wake up Emily and went to the drawer. I quickly pulled out some old t-shirt and a pair of shorts before putting them on and grabbing my running shoes and iPod. I gave one last glimpse towards the love of my life before heading downstairs to the kitchen. I quickly put on my shoes as I stepped outside.

It was a nice day, perfect for running, not too warm, but not freezing either. I started jogging picking up a pretty mellow pace. In all fairness, I wasn't a regular jogger. As much as Ems had tried to convert me to the "joy of a healthy life of daily fitness" (she was Rob Fitch's daughter after all), I was a very sporadic runner. One thing I had to love about running though was that it always calmed me down in times of stress. This morning, I _really_ needed calming down.

Like I said, I had had a hard time sleeping lately and last night had probably been the shortest of them all. The thing was that, tonight, we had planned a little gathering with all our friends at Keith's pub for old time's sakes and everyone was going to be there. That's not what had me getting my knickers in a twist though. No, the _real_ thing was that I, on this 6th of May 2016, was finally going to propose to Emily.

Yes I know. We had been living together for nearly 7 years now if you counted our last year of college and we basically lived as a married couple already as Cook often said. But still, I was nervous. Thinking of Cook reminded me of a little conversation I had had with him on the matter only two days ago.

"_Oi come on Blondie! Stop fucking worrying! Emsy loves the shit outta you, yeah? She's gonna say yes and you know it." _

"_She bloody better do..." I had grumbled as Cook laughed loudly. "No, but seriously Cook, I just don't want to fuck this up yeah? I want this to be perfect. She deserves it to be perfect." _

"_Oh please Nai. It's you we're talking about. Of course you're gonna fuck it up somehow!"_

"_OI!" I exclaimed falsely annoyed as I slapped him playfully on the arm. _

_Cook laughed some more before adding:_

"_What I mean is it'll be fine really. Even if you do get all caught up in your word and shits, that's how Emilio loves you innit?" _

"_Right" I had said feeling my heart lift and a genuine smile cross my lips. _

I felt the smile crop up on my lips at the memory. Cook was a fucking tosser. He had always been and he still was. But he was also a man with a heart bigger than a fucking planet. I truly loved him to bits and pieces.

As I completed my first mile, I started accelerating. The harder my heart pumped in my chest, the more I felt like my nervousness was seeping out of my body. I closed my eyes for a second, concentrating on my breathing and the fast beat pumping in my ears. I could feel the sweat building on my forehead and slowly making its way down my face as I ran. This had definitely been a good idea.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't nervous because I had doubts about my decision to propose. Nope. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I loved Emily completely and that I would always love her. Since I had been old enough to understand what it meant, I had been too cynical to believe in soul mates, fate, karma and all that sappy bollocks. But for 6 years now, I had been completely, blissfully happy. Ems had turned my world upside down the moment I had met her and she still did every day. There hadn't been a single day when her touch hadn't sent me on a ridiculous high and her smile hadn't made my heart skip a beat. Not that I'd ever admitted it to anyone (I mean I was still a stubborn bitch), but with Ems, I _did_ believe there was such a thing as soul mates and destiny because she was it for me. She was my everything. So no, I didn't second guess my desire to marry her.

I rounded a corner and slowed my jog to a walk as I made my way down our street, stretching as I walked to our door. I entered the flat and was pleasantly welcomed by the smell of freshly brewed coffee (which just _had_ to be the second best smell in the entire sphere of smells. Yes, second, right after Emily's smell, obviously). I made my way to the kitchen and couldn't help grinning like a fool as I caught sight of Emily sitting in her knickers and a tank top casually savouring a cup of coffee while browsing the newspaper. My smile grew even bigger as I spotted a bottle of water on the corner of the table next to a cup of coffee. God that woman was just awfully perfect, wasn't she?

"Morning!" I greeted happily chugging down the water and plopping myself in a chair next to her.

"Morning" Ems replied smiling up at me, leaning in to give me a kick peck on the lips.

"Anything interesting?" I nodded towards the paper.

"Hum, not really. I'm reading the politics section. God that columnist is a twat isn't she?" the redhead said, a smirk forming on her lips and a mischievous glint appearing in her eyes.

I felt my face crack into a smile that I could definitely not have stopped even if I had wanted to.

"Jesus, what horrendous shit has she published this time?" I asked playing along.

"Ah, you know the usual, always fucking wanking about everything. Really, I wouldn't want to be her girlfriend if all she does is complain like that all the time!"

Ems paused looking at me with a rather smug expression.

"And also, how can she even think people will take her seriously with a name like that? Naomi Campbell, it's hardly serious is it?" Emily finished with a small laugh.

"Um right. I know. It's horrible isn't it? But you know I kinda pity the poor girl. I mean if she wanks off so much in her column she must _definitely_ be in need of a good shag. What is her girlfriend bloody _doing_? " I replied winking at my girlfriend.

Emily let out a throaty laugh before blessing me with her marvellous smile and leaning to kiss me tenderly.

"So what did you think?" I asked her seriously nodding at my article as she pulled away.

"It's brilliant babes, you're brilliant." she replied earnestly.

"I'm glad you like it" I said as I got up. "I'm gonna go use the shower okay?"

Ems nodded slowly making a non-committed groan already back to her newspaper as I walked up the stairs slowly.

A few minutes later, I was showered and dressed in a simple white shirt and dark blue jeans and making my way back to the kitchen. Emily had closed the newspaper and was slowly munching on a piece of toast. She had gotten dressed too as I had showered. She looked absolutely splendid as she wore a simple short sleeved purple blouse tucked into a knee long grey pencil skirt. I popped some bread in the toaster before making my way to my redhead goddess and pulling her close to me while inhaling her unique scent. As I snaked my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder, I felt her ease into my embrace.

"You know it's nearly a pity that you have to shower so quickly after you take a run. I find you rather sexy when you're all sweaty and stuff"

I chuckled and squeezed her a bit tighter as I replied:

"Is that so?"

"Oh yes, definitely... It reminds me of when _I_ get you all sweaty like that. Although in much more fun circumstances if I may say so."

"You certainly may" I whispered in her ear before kissing her neck, inhaling her scent again and strolling back to my now ready toasts.

"What's your day like today?" I asked Ems as I took a bite of my plain butter toast.

"Nothing much really. The kids have to read some text and then we have a few presentations."

"What's the topic of the presentations?" I asked curiously.

"Anything. It's a "tell us about your passion" kind of thing"

"That sounds nice"

"You _would_ think so Miss. Campbell. I can still remember your presentation about rights of rioting in middle school you know" scoffed Emily.

I felt my cheeks reddened a bit at the memory. If I recalled correctly, the teacher had had to literally stop me in my tracks to prevent me from doing an hour long presentation. I was mad at her because I had spent two nights making posters with mum and I wasn't even half way through my presentation when she had interrupted. So, I had started yelling about how she was trying to hide the truth by not letting me finish and how she was _obviously_ a pawn of the government who wanted to brainwash us, the new generation, into becoming ignorant sheeps. I'm fairly certain none of my mates knew what I was on about and when I kicked the teacher in the shins for trying to calm me down, I was sent to the school principal. Of course they had called mum. When they had told her the story, she barely managed to hide her smirk. Once at home that night, she had told me that I had to be careful around "corporate puppets". I had been exempt of making further presentation for the remainder of middle school after that. Oh well, what can I say? I had always been passionate.

"Well, it was a very important presentation" I muttered under my breath.

"_Of course_ it was babes. Although I doubt Miss Snyder's shins where ever quite the same after that day" Emily said sarcastically.

"Oh fuck off" I told her with a smile as she snickered.

We ate the rest of our breakfast and drank our coffees in a comfortable silence after that. Checking my watch I soon realized I had to go.

"I gotta run Ems, do you want a ride to school?" I offered even though I already knew her answer.

"No thanks babes, I'll just take my mopped." she replied as I had expected.

Yes, her mopped because, no, even 6 years later, Emily hadn't gotten rid of the mopped. If anything, she loved it more. While we had traveled she had stored it in her parent's garage and had happily taken it back upon returning to the country. During our travels, she had bought bumper stickers of every location we had set foot in. When we came back, she had proceeded to stick them all to her mopped. She was quite proud of it. I did find her obsession with the vehicle quite ridiculous, but god knew how adorable it was as well. Besides, she still wore the same goggles I had bought her all those years ago and it had to be said, she was quite the cutest person on earth when she wore them.

"Seriously Ems, you _do_ realize we can afford to have two cars don't you?" I teased.

"Well of course, but I love my mopped. And _besides_ it's so much more environmentally friendly. I mean two cars, really Naoms, what would Gina say?" she teased right back.

Jesus I've got to love that woman, haven't I? In our years together, our bond had only become stronger. We could tease each other effortlessly. I loved how witty Emily was. She never took my bullshit and I love her and admired her for it. I grinned at her and went to kiss her slowly rejoicing as her soft lips collided perfectly with mine. I wasn't in such a rush so I took the liberty to run my tongue across her bottom lip silently asking her for entrance. Emily moaned softly before deepening the kiss, granting me access to her mouth and meeting my tongue with hers. I felt the butterflies erupt in the pit of my stomach. God knows how much I would have loved to lift her in my arms and carry her to the bedroom right then. It was a shame really that I had to go to work. She pulled away and gave me one last peck before saying:

"Also, the kids think I'm proper cool because I drive a mopped. And when the kids think I'm cool, it makes my life much easier in class"

"Babes, the reason why you have no trouble with your students is because they think you're hot stuff. You've got that whole hot teacher thing going for you and you know it."

"Right" scoffed the redhead before rolling her eyes.

"Well, _I _think they're quite right"

"Of course you do"

Emily leaned in and kissed me again.

"Will you just fuck off before I ravish you on our kitchen table?" the redhead added with a laugh punching my arm playfully as I pulled away.

"Now now Miss. Fitch, don't tempt me" I replied with a wink.

She laughed again.

"Have a good day at work Nai, I love you" she said with a smile.

"You too, I'll see you later tonight at Keith's yeah?" I asked.

"Course babes"

"Right, I love you too"

And with that, I was out the door.

As I sat at my desk, I couldn't help, but find that the day was going excruciatingly slowly. It was really unnerving since I couldn't focus and kept running my proposal speech in my head. I was petrified I was going to forget something crucial, but I was also afraid to sound too robotic. God this was hard. I was tapping my fingers restlessly against my desk and I was receiving murderous glances from my co-workers when my phone went off. Retrieving it from my pocket, I quickly glanced at the called id before taking the call with a smile.

"Hey Eff, what's up?"

"_Nothing much. I was checking to see how you were holding up. How are the nerves?"_ Effy asked and I swear it could hear the grin in her voice.

Just like Cook, Effy thought that Emily was going to be so completely thrilled that I was proposing that the manner in which I did it didn't really matter.

"Oh you know... I'm totally Zen about this, not nervous at all" I replied knowing full well that Eff would hear the sarcasm in my voice.

To prove my point Effy chuckled slightly before saying:

"_Alright, get your sorry ass out of your office; I'm taking you out to lunch. It'll change your mind"_

Knowing better than to argue with a Stonem, I set up a meeting place and left right away. A few minutes later, I was sitting in front of Effy in a small café. I was fidgeting with my cup of tea when my friend exclaimed:

"For fuck's sake Naoms! Will you relax? You and Emily have been together for ages. She_ loves_ you, like proper loves you, like completely and ridiculously in love with you. She's going to say yes." She said rolling her eyes and lighting up a fag.

"It's not just that! I want this to be perfect for her" I argued repeating to her the words I had told Cook two days ago.

"Jesus Naoms, you're doing it at Keith's!" Effy started before I quickly interrupted her.

"What? Is that wrong? Do you think that's wrong?"

Effy sighed and rolled her eyes at me again. She took a drag of her cigarette before pulling her pack out and offering me one. I had been trying to quit smoking for a few years now, but I was seriously freaking out and badly needed a dose of nicotine. So I took a fag, lighting it up quickly before taking a long drag. The rush of nicotine went straight to my head and successfully eased my nerves. Smiling contently at my now more relaxed behaviour, Effy continued:

"You're doing it at Keith's, you've got everything planned out, you've got a beautiful ring and you fucking love her like a nutter. It's going to be _fine_"

I sighed again and looked into Effy's enchanting blue eyes. I couldn't help the doubt that crossed my mind and escaped my lips, though.

"Do you think it's enough... Doing it at Keith's I mean?"

My friend noticed that it truly bothered me and offered me a genuine smile before saying softly:

"Nai... Why are you doing it at Keith's again?"

Of course, Effy knew, but she wanted me to repeat it.

"Because it represents the simplicity of our love for each other, the way we don't need fancy restaurants or whatever, because she won't expect it at all and because all of our friends are gonna be there and I can ask her in front of everyone just like when I told her how much I loved her 6 years ago in Freddie's shed."

"Exactly" Eff said smirking.

I couldn't help, but smile, my fears somehow diminished. I really was the luckiest person on earth to have such an amazing girlfriend and such amazing friends like Cook and Effy. I really was blessed.

As we continued eating silently, I couldn't help, but think about how much I admired Eff. After Freddie's death, Effy had had a pretty rough patch. At first, she had cried her heart out for days. So much for being the all-knowing, unflappable Effy Stonem, but she was hurting, properly, painfully hurting. When the cops had arrested Foster after Cook had knocked him out cold and called them, we had found out that Foster had murdered Freddie because Foster wanted Effy for himself. Needless to say that we had all been a bit shocked. I mean how fucked up was that? Effy had genuinely believed something was wrong with herself then and that she destroyed everything that got close to her. Ems and I had delayed our departure to Goa and had stayed to support Effy as much as we could along with Katie and Panda and everyone really. There had been a few other suicide scares, but Effy had come out of it in the end. She was now much stronger then she had ever been. She was still single mind you, but she was happy, genuinely happy. I think a part of her still missed and loved Freddie every day, but it didn't make her miserable anymore. It was like she had accepted that Freds would always be a part of her and had understood that that part made her stronger, not more vulnerable.

Before I knew it, lunch was over and I was back at the office. Seeing Effy had calmed me, but I was still fidgeting and annoying the hell out of everyone. Finally giving up, I had decided to get out of work early. Maybe I could have another run to ease my nerves? Jesus this was a long day.

**So this is pretty much the setting... Slowly building up to the actual story. By the way, i don't personally think Bristol is a shithole. I've never bee and i would absolutely love to go. It's just something i felt Naomi might have been feeling and then changed her mind about (a bit like how she used to feel like her mother was annoying :P). I'm really nervous to see if it's any good at all... so, if you feel like telling me. that'd be really appreciated :) I'm already finished writing the second chapter and have started writing the third. I'm not gonna post them now obviously but i o intend to have them up for the end of the week. Unless you tell me this story is shit and that i should stop lol! ANyhow, have a good day.**

**Miss. Maraudeur**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to Kj1313 for being the first to review! Thanks to (insert your name since you didn't write any) for the second! You've made a canuck happy ;), thanks to Portamento for the nice and lovely words! and thanks to EmZ2009 for even reading this! If you don't know her, then shame on you and go read her stories, they're amazing!**

**So here is the second piece of the intro. Not such a setting as the first one. Some stuff actually happens here, ha! But it still not quite where I intend to take you. :) **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Skins. I'm working on it. Really I am... **

**Manifolds**

Chapter 2:

After the afternoon of hell, it was finally the evening and I was ready to head to Keith's. Emily was finishing work a bit later and would meet me there as we had decided. It had taken me a ridiculous amount of time to get ready. I mean, how was I supposed to decide what to wear? I didn't want to wear something too dressy, for Emily would instantly know something was going on, but I didn't want to be underdressed either. After all I was only going to propose to her once. In the end I had decided to wear a nice pair of black skinny jeans with a long white t-shirt and a black vest. To make it a bit dressier I had decided to wear heels instead of my faithful pair of converse.

As I made my way into the pub, I easily spotted Cook, Katie, Effy, JJ and Lara in a booth in the corner. I made my way towards them and was immediately spotted by Cook who exclaimed loudly:

"HEY BLONDIE! COME HERE MY FAVOURITE FANNY LOVER!"

I felt my face flush a bit at Cook's words and saw Katie promptly hit him over the arm.

"Wanker! Will you _not_ yell that in the pub?" she told him severely although we could all see the amused glint in her eyes.

"But babes... this is Keith's! Everyone knows us..."

"Not a reason to sound like a tosser" she scoffed.

"You fucking love me anyways, yeah?" replied Cook waggling his eyebrows at Katie.

She hit him again and rolled her eyes before we all started laughing. Oh yes, you've guessed right, Cook and Katie had been dating for 5 years now. They had started seeing each other after Cook had gotten out of prison for the drug/Sophia business. As Katie said, Cook had properly "sorted himself out" by then. It had been quite a surprise for us to see them together as we had thought then that Katie was revolted by Cook. Turns out she wasn't impervious to the Cookie monster's charms. Funnily enough, they worked magnificently as a couple those two did. They definitely had enough personality to deal with each other. They argued as hard as they loved each other and apparently as hard as they shagged if Cook's comments were anything to go by. Also, after the initial bankruptcy, Ems and Katie's parents had successfully been able to replenish their bank account and Rob Fitch had reopened his gym. Cook had needed a job at the time so Rob had hired him to please Katie. Turns out Cook really had a knack for the fitness business and, before Rob knew it, his gym was overflowing with clients, so much that he had been able to open another center in Bristol and start another branch in London. Now, Rob was taking care of the London branch and Cook had been appointed as the manager of the Bristol branch.

"Hey lezza!" greeted Katie rounding on me as I reached the table.

I gave her my famous Campbell eye roll. She smiled genuinely. Katie and I secretly loved each other to death now (well, it wasn't so much a secret anymore). We had never stopped our little banter though; I guess it was our way to show we cared. It had been a little awkward at first, but I had gained a lot of respect from Katie the night I had grown a pair and won Emily back.

"You ready to propose to my sister, bitch? Are you nervous?" she asked.

"I would imagine Naomi to be really nervous right now!" promptly replied JJ. "I mean marriage is considered in many cultures to be one of the most important rite of passage into adulthoods. It is commonly known as one of the most important decision in someone's life. Also, with nowadays track record, we all know that only 53% of marriages survive whereas 47% of married couples divorced within the first two years of their union. This rate also slightly increases when people marry before the age of 25, which is the case here. Furthermore, divorce has been evaluated as the most common reason for depressions and suicide. But, anyway, you shouldn't worry too much Naomi, after all only 30% of all proposals end in the negative. Even though I guess you could be concerned knowing that married couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can lead to a decrease in sexual attraction and general health..."

"JJ love!" interrupted Lara.

"Right, sorry" JJ said giving me an apologetic smile.

We all stood in silence for a while after JJ's rambling and my face must have gone as white as a ghost because Effy and Cook both gave me a nervous glance before Cook yelled loudly:

"OI CHRISTINA, MIND BRINGING US SOME TEQUILA OVER HERE!"

He then turned to us and laughed loudly.

"Fucking JJ man! Way to fucking scare Naomikins! Alright, come on you pussies, we're gonna do some shots of tequilaaaaaa"

Everybody laughed after that and quickly took a shot. You had to give it to Cook, he was fucking mental, but at least he knew how to relax an atmosphere. I looked at him and mouthed him the words "thank you" to which he replied with a wink.

Sometime later, we were joined by Panda and Thomas. I hadn't seen them for ages and it felt really good to see them now. They had gotten married two years ago after returning from the U.S. and it had been a lovely ceremony.

"Whizzer Naoms! It's so good to see you! I can't believe you're proposing to Emsy! You two are totally bonkers together it's gonna be super duper cute!" said Panda excitedly.

"Thanks Panda, but it's a secret yeah?" I said to make sure.

"Of course! My lips are sealed!"

We continued talking effortlessly after that. It always amazed me how close we still were despite the fact that we had all went to different Unis (those of us who had gone) and that it had been 6 years since our college days. I was sipping a drink as I went to sit closer to Effy. I wanted to check on her.

"How are you doing?" I asked her softly.

"I'm good. This is good" she replied and I was relieved to see she meant it.

"It's not too hard seeing everyone like that together?"

"It's okay." She said simply. "I have learned to remember the good about Freds, not the bad. He would have liked this, he would have been happy. So I am"

I leaned over and kissed her softly on the forehead as she smile at me.

"You are one amazing woman Effy Stonem" I told her. "Don't ever forget it"

At that moment, Emily walked in the pub. She was as beautiful as ever. I felt my face erupt into an enormous smile as I looked her over. She was simply dressed in a black skirt that fell easily and loosely around her hips showing a pleasant amount of her gorgeous legs and a white t-shirt with a nice design in the front. It still amazed me how, even dressed casually, she could look completely gorgeous.

I furrowed my eyebrows though when I noticed she wasn't alone. As she made her way to our table, Emily was closely followed by a beautiful girl with auburn hair and blue eyes that I had never seen before.

"Hey everyone!" greeted Ems. "This is my friend Abby from work."

Obviously my friends welcomed them both warmly. Ems came to sit next to me and greeted me personally with a quick peck. As she pulled me into a hug she muttered in my ear:

"Naomi Campbell you will be the death of me. You are simply astonishingly stunning"

Well I could definitely not help grinning like a fool as those words made their way to my brain.

"Is that so?" I whispered back holding her closer to me.

"Oh yes, I must say I'm tempted to ditch this party and have my way with you at home"

"Emily Fitch you are insatiable" I said laughing.

"That I am" she concluded shamelessly. "But only with you"

Emily pulled herself off of me and turned around to her friend.

"Abby this is my girlfriend Naomi" she said happily.

"Naoms, this is Abby. She teaches another class. She was bored and really felt like going out tonight so I invited her."

Abby and I exchange hellos and for some reason, I got the vibe she didn't like me very much.

Now that Emily was here, I got quite more nervous. The moment of the proposal was growing closer by the minute. My friends kept giving me knowing glances and winks behind Ems' back. If my stomach hadn't been dancing the conga so much I'd have been worried that Emily would notice because they were definitely not really subtle. I was barely talking to anyone, but I was so nervous my throat felt like the freaking Sahara. I kept on drinking to try and sort it out. It didn't really work but It _did_ successfully got me feeling quite buzzed.

As the night progressed, I got more and more aware of how Abby kept ogling Ems. It was starting to piss me off quite a lot. I mean she hadn't been invited, so what right did she have to monopolize _my _Emily and stare at her like that.

"_Emily invited her you fucking twat"_ I reminded myself.

Of course, my beautiful redhead had no idea this was her proposal party, I could hardly blame her could I? As much as I was trying to relax, I couldn't help but notice how flirty Abby was being. Surely this wasn't possible. I mean who the fuck hits on a girl in front of their girlfriend? But she kept talking intently to Emily, always maintaining some kind of physical contact. One moment she had her hand on Ems knee and the other she was brushing her shoulder. The contact was never long though, but it was always there. My blood was properly boiling by that point. I wanted to rip that girl's throat out to be honest. I've got to say I've never been the jealous type, not too much anyway, but clearly that girl was pushing the limits. Also, she was ruining everything. I could barely say two words to Emily without her jumping in and interrupting. Let's say it was not the ideal build up to the proposal I had imagined. I could hardly make a scene though, so I kept chugging my drinks at an alarmingly accelerating pace. As Abby laughed loudly, tossing her hair to the side and patting Ems on the knee, I got up quickly and went to the bar.

I ordered a double shot of vodka and was nearly instantly joined by Cook. As I got my shot and tossed it back, the liquor hitting the back of my throat and making me cringe, Cook put his hand on my shoulder:

"Naomio, don't you think you should slow down? I mean you don't want to fuck up your speech do you?"

"Have you fucking _seen_ her with Emily!" I asked him forcefully. "I mean she's practically eye-fucking my girlfriend right in my face! I can barely speak to Ems!"

He gave me a knowing look before squeezing my shoulder. That worried me more than anything. If Cook wasn't denying it, it meant that he had noticed. I knew it! That stupid bitch was clearly hitting on Ems.

"Don't worry about that Naoms. Ems loves you."

"But" I started but Cook cut me off.

"I know it's fucking irritating, I mean if I saw some bloke try to pull moves like that on Katie I know I'd be in his fucking face, but that's me innit? You're better than that. Cuz you're clever yeah? So don't make a scene. Besides you know how Emilio is; she's probably not even noticing it."

I had to give it to my friend there, he had a point. My sweet lovely Emily could be quite oblivious when women hit on her. Usually I found it adorable. Tonight, it annoyed the hell out of me.

The night kept going and Abby got touchier with Emily. I had to say that she was, by that point, slightly tipsy and didn't seem to notice her friend's behaviour. I, for my part, was well on my way to becoming completely fucked up. I knew this wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't help the horrible feeling of jealousy that was building inside of me. The thing is that alongside it, a feeling of paranoia was emerging. What if Emily _was_ noticing Abby's flirting? What if she was flirting back? What if she liked Abby? Ems and I had still barely talked and we had been at Keith for over two hours now. Abby was purposefully grabbing all her attention and, willingly or not, Ems was letting her.

As I got up to go to the bar to have yet another shot, I was stopped by Effy this time. We started arguing as she gave me a speech along the same lines as Cook had about an hour ago. I couldn't look Effy in the eyes because I knew she'd make me feel guilty. I started scanning the room to avoid her gaze and my eyes fell on our table. I noticed right away that Emily and Abby were missing. My paranoia kicking in full spin, I shoved Effy aside and went straight to the washrooms to locate the two missing women. There was no way on earth I was letting them alone out of my sight. As it turned out, they weren't there. I walked frantically around the pub to find them, carefully ignoring Effy's attempts to reason with me. They were nowhere to be seen inside so I walked to the door of the pub.

As I pushed the door open, I was greeted with possibly the worst fucking sight I could possibly imagine. Emily was leaning casually on the wall of the building while Abby, dear fucking Abby, was pressed flushed against her front, her lips locked with those of my girlfriend. I retracted rapidly feeling like I had been burned.

I felt dizzier then I had ever felt before in my entire life and my stomach was in such a knot that I'm still surprised I didn't empty it right there on the spot. I felt a burning sensation in my throat and my eyes automatically filled with tears. Suddenly, my legs couldn't support my weight and gave way underneath me. Luckily for me, Effy was standing right behind me and caught me in her arms. I felt light headed; I could hardly focus on anything. I couldn't even hear Effy's voice or the music playing for that matter. I could only hear a constant eerie buzz. Then, suddenly, I heard Emily's voice behind me. I pushed myself up on my feet again and snapped out of my trance.

"Naomi! Babes please let me explain!"

She tried putting her hand on my arm to stop me from leaving but I yanked it away forcefully.

"Don't you fucking touch me Emily!" I yelled at her before making my way to our table.

By that point I only wanted to grab my purse and leave the premises. Emily was following me closely, tears streaming down her face. I didn't know where Abby was, but I didn't care. So this is how it felt to be utterly heartbroken? Well fuck me it hurt more than I could have ever imagined. Our friends were looking at us in confusion and as I walked pass the stage, Keith grabbed me by the arm and dragged me up. Jesus this night was definitely not going well.

"Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the lovely Naomi Campbell!"

People started applauding shyly. I tried looking at Keith and mentally telling him to let me go, but he didn't seem to understand.

"Naomi here would like to speak to you all. I hope you'll enjoy her little number!" Keith said winking at the audience before handing me the mic and hopping off the stage. Well wasn't this perfect? I could barely stand and I could barely see as my eyes were so filled with tears. From what I _could_ see though, I could tell that my friends were looking at me with worried eyes and Emily was looking hurt and confused. I stood there for a moment, not saying a single word, not moving a single muscle when I saw Abby walk towards Emily in my peripheral vision. A wave of fury hit me again and set my jaw in motion. Somewhere deep inside my brain I knew it was a bad idea, but it was too late. My brain had no control over me whatsoever.

"Well I had prepared something nice and cute to say to you all tonight, but I've had to adapt my speech last minute. I was gonna say something like how I didn't believe in soul mates and all that and then I was gonna say how I thought I might have had it wrong..."

I locked my gaze onto Emily's.

"I was gonna say how much I fucking love you and how much you make me happy, how much you complete me. But you know what _hun?_" I slurred sarcastically. "I've changed my mind. There _is_ no such thing as soul mates. I had it right. Love is for wankers, it's not real and it never lasts. What were the statistics again J?" I said looking up in the crowd.

"Never mind, the people you love always end up fucking you over in the end." I continued choking on my words.

I rummaged through my pocket and retrieved the small velvet box that contained the engagement ring. When she saw it, Emily started crying even harder shaking her head as she probably caught on to the situation.

"I thought you were the one" I told her with difficulty as my sobs made it impossibly hard for me to speak. "Well you can go and fuck right off, you and your fucking love!" I yelled before throwing the box at her, hopping off the stage and walking out the door.

**Well... That went quite well wouldn't you say? Haha sorry. Oh and also, sorry for all you Keffys out there! I do love you! And i do like and enjoy reading that pairing. I just enjoy Katie with Cook more... lol Sorry. **

**For the outfits, I have to say that i like them in really simple casual wear. So Naoms' outfit here is inspired from what she wore on the season 3 promo (you know the one where they trashed a pub?) and Emily's outfit is inspired from a random photo i saw on google. **

**Right, so again, thank you for reading! And please if you've got 2 minutes, leave a review. It's always sooo appreciated! Good night/day to you all :) Miss. Maraudeur**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Alright! So the riting is going quite well! I'm pleased with what i've got so far. Soooo i figured i cold post this now! I am quite nervous about this! I mean this is it really. This is the end of the intro! After that... Well it's the story, the thick of it. Again i'd like to thank everyone who reviewed! I was soooo happy that you liked the last chapter and seem to be liking the story so far! Thank you so much for all your kind words! It's really appreciated! Oh and i just have to say... I loveeee how people are sticking up for Naoms :P This is why i like to write in her pov only, so that you really experience everything through her eyes. This is her journe after all :) so anyway... go read the chapter :P**

**Disclaimer: Still not lucky/and/or rich enough to own skins. **

**Manifolds**

Chapter 3:

As I stepped outside, I felt like the sky could feel my pain and hell had broken loose. The rain was falling so hard I could barely see where I was going. Within seconds I was drenched. I tried spotting a taxi; all I wanted to do was get as far away from the pub as I could. I needed some time alone and possibly a large amount of boos, maybe even drugs. I felt like the universe was laughing in my face as I couldn't find a bloody taxi anywhere. I had barely been outside for a few minutes when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and was face to face with Emily. Of course, she had followed me. She had never let me run away so I guess it figured. Wait what? This wasn't running away, this was legitimate. I had caught her snogging Abby for Christ sake's.

"Where are you going?" she asked me loudly trying to be heard over the rain.

I could see that her eyes were red and puffy and that her make-up had fallen along the length of her cheeks. She was drenched too now and her hair was clinging to her face. I could see her shirt clinging to her curves and even though I was heartbroken, I couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. It was infuriating really. To be so completely messed up inside, so utterly shattered, but still want her with every fibre of my being. I clenched my teeth together and inhaled deeply. I couldn't let my love for Emily dictate my actions. This was hurting too much, I couldn't stand it, I needed to escape.

"Just fuck off Emily..."I said not quite as forcefully as I would have liked.

"Please Naoms, listen to me!"

"I don't want to"

"_She_ kissed _me_! I didn't kiss her! I swear I wouldn't do that"

"Just stop it Ems! I saw you okay? Don't lie!" I said angrily.

Every word she said cut through my heart and had me practically quivering. I really couldn't stand this. We were both standing stupidly under the rain, looking completely lost. Emily was breathing heavily. She tried stepping closer to me.

"Naoms… _Please_... you have to believe me. Just come home with me."

I shook my head even if my heart was screaming at me to believe her, to reach my hand out, to grab hers and follow her to the end of the world. I wish I had known what my brain was thinking, but I think I was way too intoxicated by that point to actually formulate any coherent thoughts. I closed my eyes a second and felt myself stagger a little. Right. Coordination wasn't high on my list of skills at the moment. I thought I was going to fall to the ground, but Emily had grabbed me by the waist in a matter of seconds. I quickly shot my eyes open and stabilized myself. I wanted to put some distance between Ems and I, but she wouldn't let me go. She circled both her arms around my waist and held on tighter. I put my hands on her shoulders, trying to push my face as far away from her as I could. I was desperately trying not to inhale her scent too much, because I knew that if I did, I'd give in. Emily had always been this unstoppable force to me. I couldn't resist her. I felt her take a deep breath before she started talking again.

"I love you. Please babes... Just come home with me. I didn't know she would kiss me I swear. I didn't kiss her back, I pushed her off. Then I turned around and saw you walk back inside. I can't lose you. I love you, only you. You _have_ to believe me Naoms... I want to marry you, please tell me you still want to..."

She pushed herself back just enough to look up into my eyes. She probably saw how conflicted I was or perhaps she saw in my eyes how much I loved her because she then lifted her head and pressed her lips against mine. I couldn't help but respond to the kiss. Then it hit me. She tasted different. She fucking tasted different. I could feel _her_ on her lips. In an instant I got a flash of the two of them pressed together. I was disgusted, I couldn't do this. I pushed Ems off roughly and started walking away again.

"Naomi!" I heard her say through audible sobs.

It broke my heart even more to hear her like that. But I just couldn't shake this image of them together. I needed to leave.

"When will you fucking stop running away" Emily yelled before I was out of her sight.

There were no sobs in her voice now; I could tell she was angry. Sometimes I really do feel like Ems and I are a two piece puzzle. Seriously, it's like we've been designed to fit together, like we really are only whole when put together. I feel like we always have. The way she cuddles into my body at night is always so goddamn perfect that it's borderline ridiculous. Most importantly though, it's like whatever she feels, I feel. When she smiles, I smile. When she laughs, I laugh. When she cries, it breaks my heart and I cry as well. So when she's pissed off like that... I can't help it. Really, I can't.

"Excuse me? How _dare_ you fucking accuse me of running away?"

"Well you are! Don't try and pretend that this isn't running away!"

"You were kissing her! I can _taste_ her on your lips Emily!" I raged on.

I knew Ems was surprised at that statement, but it only took her a second to pull herself together and shoot back:

"_She_ fucking kissed me! Will you get that into that thick skull of yours! For fuck sake's Naoms stop being such a prick and listen to me!"

"Oh I'm sorry! Sorry that seeing you kiss some random slag on the night I was gonna _propose_ to you has kind of put me off!" I replied my voice dripping of sarcasm.

Ems was silent for a few seconds. It gave me some strength to continue. I was definitely on a momentum, an angry momentum.

"I should have known this would happen sooner or later! So how does it feel to throw it back in my face? Are you satisfied that I now know how this feels?"

"What?" the redhead responded her face growing alarmingly red. "What the fuck are you on about? That was 6 years ago! And in case you haven't noticed, _I forgave you_! We're happy! You really think I'd wait 6 years to hurt you? Don't you trust me? How fucked up do you think I am?"

"I don't know! Pretty fucked up I guess"

As I said those words, I could see the look of shock cross Emily's face. To be honest, I didn't mean it. I hardly meant anything I had said to Emily. I knew she had forgiven me and she was right, we _were_ happy. I don't know why I was so angry, why I couldn't shake the image of my love and that slag together. I guess deep down there had always been a part of me that was still scared. Scared that Ems would leave me, scared that she had never fully forgiven me for sleeping with Sophia. I knew this was childish, I knew I wasn't 17 anymore. Still, I couldn't just forget it like that, I couldn't grasp that it was nothing. It hurt too much. I wasn't prepared for that sort of love. I could feel my walls being built around me once again. I needed to leave. I couldn't help but notice how hurt Emily was now. Shit. My words had really hurt her. When she spoke again, her voice was no longer angry, but terrifyingly calm.

"If that's what you really think Naomi, then I think you should go."

I blinked a few times. There it was. She was giving up on me. I think that that hurt me more than seeing her kiss Abby. I didn't know how to handle this. I don't think I wanted to.

"Right. I should have never gone to Freddie's shed that day. I should have let you go. This" I said gesturing between us. "This was a mistake."

I turned around and started running. I really wish the rain would have stopped, but no such luck. I looked quickly as I ran across the street. I might have been half way through crossing it when a lightning bolt descended right on a nearby lamppost. The sky lit up as the light bulb exploded from the shock. I stopped dead in my tracks. I had been startled by the explosion. I lifted my arms above my head to try to shield myself from the glass shards that were cascading down on me.

That's when I heard it.

Before I had time to react, I heard an ear-splitting screech as a car tried desperately to brake. The next thing I knew, I was feeling cold metal against my side. I felt my feet leave the ground and was then completely lost in time and space. I had no idea where the sky and the ground were anymore. I could feel my body roll on some surface and I felt a wave of pain engulf me as my head hit something hard. It happened so fast, but the moment seemed to last forever at the same time. As I felt my body hurtle to what had to be the pavement, I felt my already throbbing head hit the hard surface again. I felt dizzy and sick. My vision was a blur and I could see black dots clouding it even more. I rested my head on the pavement and couldn't help but notice that a dark red pool was forming around it, mixing itself with the torrential rain. I knew it was only a matter of seconds before I lost consciousness and the last thing I remembered before I did was hearing a woman's voice, that sounded an awful lot like Emily's, cry out my name into the night.

* * *

><p>I remember a time when I was lying in bed with Emily and I said to her:<p>

"Can't things ever be complicated?"

I guess I hadn't really meant it at the time, but I was trying to prevent having to explain myself. Well, you know that saying? Always be careful for what you wish for? Well I should have listened, because believe me, things were about to get really complicated.

* * *

><p>It took me a few seconds as I came around to remember what had happened. When the memories hit me, I let out a long sigh. Jesus, I really had been run over by a car. Well wasn't that peachy? The first thing I noticed then was that my head was only mildly throbbing. This was surprising considering I remembered it crashing quite violently on the asphalt. Speaking of which, the next thing I noticed was that I was lying on a soft surface. I sighed again. This meant I was probably in the hospital. I hated hospital. It wasn't that I couldn't stand the food (I mean could I really complain when I wasn't such a great cook myself?), but there really was something that bothered me about being taken care of. I mean, how fucking vulnerable did you look in a hospital bed? Very was my answer. I didn't like that. Slowly, I opened my eyes.<p>

It took me a moment to get accustomed to my surroundings. As I focused my eyes on the ceiling, I noticed that it wasn't flat or white. Somehow that didn't make much sense. That's how hospital ceilings were right? I looked around me and frowned. I was lying on a dingy old couch in a pretty small room. The walls were made of brick and had been painted white. The place smelled of freshly cut grass and weed. It felt oddly familiar. As I sat on the edge of the couch and turned to see a door covered in stickers and posters, it hit me. I knew where I was. I was in Freddie's shed. What the fuck?

"You awake now?" I heard someone say behind me.

I jumped up in surprised and turned to face the voice. I wanted to exclaim something, but I was sincerely rendered completely speechless by what I saw. I think my eyes might have popped out of my head and my jaw hit the floor as I took in the sight in front of me.

"Alright?" Sniggered the girl that stood in front of me.

I still couldn't say a single word as I looked at her. She was wearing a red polka-dot dress topped with a black vest and a long golden necklace. She continued to look at me with a sneer as I took in her slightly wavy platinum blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Holy fuck, she was me! I mean, she was me at 18, just like I had been that night 6 years ago in Freddie's shed.

"Jesus fucking hell" I muttered.

The girl (or should I say I?) gave me the Campbell eye-roll and shook her head slightly. Wow. That was bizarre. Did I really look like that when I did it?

"What the hell is going on?" I ended up asking her after a while.

"Oh Jesus will I really have to spell everything out for you?" she said cocking her eyebrow at me.

Now, here is the thing, I can't possibly be that condescending right? Right? Urgh... I was annoying myself already, great.

"It's not like I've ever had an actual conversation with myself, have I?" I replied venomously.

My younger self granted me with a cocky smile before saying:

"Good, for a second there I was scared, I thought you had lost your attitude. I guess you're right, we have never conversed."

"So? What the fuck is going on?"

"Well, you hit your head didn't you?"

"Yes..."

"Well _obviously_ this is some kind of fucked up subconscious shit." she said sounding quite exasperated.

"Oh right..." I said slowly. "So this isn't happening for real?"

"Do I look like I have all the fucking answers? It's your head that got fucked not mine!" she said forcefully.

"Alright Jesus! You really have got to work on your temper."

"whatever..."

After that, we rolled our eyes at the same time. Well that _had_ to be the creepiest shit ever.

"So what are we supposed to do? Why are we in Freddie's shed?" I asked.

"This is your subconscious party; you're supposed to be the one to know these things."

"It's not like I do this every week. You know it wouldn't kill you to be a bit nicer. God I can't believe Emily actually loved you..." I trailed off.

My younger self had the decency to look sheepish after that. I could see her cheek growing slightly red. Ha, I knew that bringing Emily up would shut her up, shut me up, whatever.

"Sorry" she apologized. "I've never done this before either. Anyway, I guess maybe it has something to do with what happened before you hit your head."

That had me remembering the fight with Ems and my eyes fell to the floor.

"Oh, so what happened?" the 18 year old me asked.

"I had a fight with Emily..."

"Did you? Why?"

"She kissed someone else" I croaked out.

I instantly got the flashes of Abby and Ems together and I felt my eyes burn with tears. I glanced at my subconscious friend and noticed that she didn't look quite as sure of herself as before.

"She cheats on me..." she said in a broken voice. "She really ends up cheating on me? On us I mean?"

I nodded slowly and felt the tears run down my cheeks.

"But... I thought... I mean after I told her... I thought we'd be okay after"

I shrugged because I had no words of comfort to offer her. I was hurting just as much as she was, maybe even worse.

"It didn't matter in the end. I wish I hadn't bothered" I added bitterly.

My younger self nodded slowly. I could see tears building in her eyes. I felt so sorry for her. I remembered being her, I remembered how much hope I had put into doing that speech and I felt sorry for breaking her heart. I tried giving her a smile, but it probably resembled some sort of grimace. She locked her gaze with mine and we just stood like that for a while. Then, she walked towards me and stopped to tell me:

"Thanks for telling me. I know what to expect now"

And then she hugged me and everything went black again.

* * *

><p>The second time I came around, I didn't need time to adjust. I wasn't feeling confused like before. My head was killing me though and I felt sick. I guess this was much more realistic. Funnily enough it felt pretty much like a hangover. I opened my eyes and looked around me. Fucking hell, if this was how hospital looked like now I surely as hell had been out too long.<p>

I took in my surroundings quickly. I was in the middle of a large bed in a small room that was entirely painted in black. There was a lone light bulb hanging by its wires coming out of the ceiling. There was a desk on my left that was completely covered in pieces of clothing. I could see an old lap top poking out underneath everything. I looked around me a bit more carefully and noticed that there were numerous holes and cracks in the walls. The desk wasn't the only messy spot either; there was a shit load of crap lying around everywhere. In a corner, there was also a wardrobe overflowing with article of clothing. None of them looked clean I had to say. Speaking of clothes, I looked down at myself and noticed I was wearing some old smelly black joggers and a plain white t-shirt. Whose were those?

I looked to my right and noticed a night stand. I easily spotted my wallet and my cell phone. Next to it I could see what looked awfully like the residues of a line of coke. Where the fuck was I? Getting up quickly I grabbed my phone and checked the date.

_7__th__ may 2016_

Okay... So the disaster party had been yesterday. I noticed I had a few missed calls, but they were all from numbers I didn't recognize. Putting the phone in my pocket I excited the room hesitantly. I opened the door and found myself in probably the crappiest and filthiest flat I had ever set foot in.

I couldn't help but stand my mouth wide open. What the hell was going on? Okay, so first thing that I could assess was that I was standing in a living room. If you could consider this shithole a living room. I mean there wasn't one corner of it that wasn't layered with lither. In the centre, there was one completely disgusting brown sofa with several stains of unknown substances on it. There was a shitty old telly in front of it with a crooked antenna on top. That was pretty much the only furniture present. The rest of the room was filled with empty bottles of beer, vodka and rhum. There were empty garibaldis wrappers tucked into the cracks of the sofa. In one corner I could see some shattered glass stuck to the floor in a yellow sticky substance. The sight of it gave me the shivers. In the distance I could see an arch way that led possibly to the kitchen. There were three other doors in the flat, one I assumed was leading to another room, one I hoped to a bathroom and the other probably outside.

I didn't dare move when one of the doors opened. I looked at it expectantly and out of (I had guessed right) another bedroom came Effy.

"_Holy shit" _was definitely my first thought when I laid my eyes on her.

Effy looked so awful I nearly had a hard time recognizing her. She was wearing her knickers and a long black t-shirt that was ripped in many places and looked like it hadn't been washed in… well ever. Her long brown hair was a right mess and her face was smeared in make-up. Somehow, her body looked ten times frailer then it had yesterday. She looked so thin it was terrible. Also, I could see many bruises on her arms and legs. Well what the fuck was that?

I think I gasped then and Effy looked up at me. She had a spliff hanging from her mouth and she cocked her eyebrow at me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she asked me.

I didn't know what to respond to that. Was she for real? Couldn't she _tell_ what was wrong? We looked at each other in silence for a while longer before she shrugged me off and went to sit on the couch. I think I shuddered in disgust. How could she touch such a thing? Effy took a long drag out of her spliff before taking it between her long fingers and gesturing it towards me.

"Want some?" she offered her voice sounding weird because of the smoke.

I shook my head and Effy shrugged again. This was weird. Why was Effy behaving like she was 17 again? I checked my phone again. Yep, 2016. We were still 24.

"Where are we?" I asked after another moment.

Effy looked at me frowning.

"Fucking hell Naoms, what did you take last night?" She asked seriously.

"What the hell are you on about? Do you know where we are?" I said annoyed now.

"Uh... we're home?" the brunette offered.

I raised my eyebrows in shock. Had Emily thrown me out? Was this like a shitty place Eff had scavenged for me to stay while I found something better? Holy fucking hell... I hadn't expected to sleep in our room with Ems, but I had certainly not expected her to throw me out. I didn't understand why Effy was so calm about this, why she was regarding me like I had grown a third eye or something. I pinched the bridge of my nose for a second, taking the new information in. I needed to talk to Emily, I decided. I needed to figure something out since there was no way I'd stay in this dingy hole.

"Do you know if Ems is gonna be at home or at work today?" I asked my friend.

Effy's eyebrows shot once again all the way up her forehead.

"Ems…?" she asked in a slow voice.

"Ems, Emily, you know?" I replied irritated.

I was asking a simple question and I just wanted an answer, how fucking hard was that to understand? The brunette gave me a very confused look before continuing.

"Emily who?"

"Emily Haines of course" I said sarcastically. "Jesus fucking Christ Effy, who do you think? Emily Fitch!"

As I said it, I noticed the recognition in Effy's eyes. Well better late than never, I thought still irritated.

"How the fuck would I know?" said the brunette shrugging.

It was my turn to look bewildered. It had been a long time since I had seen Eff be so completely daft.

"Maybe 'cause we saw her yesterday and you surely talked to her after that fiasco and she told you?" I said sarcastically.

Effy's bored look quickly changed to one of frightened confusion. I didn't like that look. Somehow, I had a feeling I wasn't gonna like her reply. Turns out I was right.

"Naoms" Effy said softly, her expression turning sad. "We haven't seen _or_ talked to Emily Fitch in 6 years..."

Oh my god. Are you fucking shitting me?

**And here my children… is where the fun begins :D for me anyway ;) Oh and if you don't know who Emily Haines is check it out! She's got a solo album and is also the front woman of a fantastic band called Metric! Definitely worth it. Finally, please leave a review! I'm quite curious to know what you think of that! I hope you like this turn of events! Cheers ;) Miss. Maraudeur**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: First off... Thank you SO much! For all the reviews, alerts, favourites. I was quite touched really! And relieved that you seemed to enjoy the twist plot! I can never stress enough of happy your reviews make me feel! I litteraly can't stop smiling everytime i have a new one! So, thank you for taking the time to leave one :) Special thanks to Portamento ;) For the long nice one! You're too good to me miss, if anything, you're the one who's too nice. **

**Second thing I wanna say is that this is a bit shorter than what i've gotten u guys used to. This is mostly because i consider this a breather. No so much a filler, but a necessary ''pause'' between the last chapter and the next. Give Naomi some time to adjust if thats possible... hahaha :)**

**Fair warning: You might not enjoy every single sentence in this chapter... Just saying.**

**I've got nothingelse to say really, except; read and hopefully enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I shall not speak the name of the lord in vain. But he owns skins. I do not. **

**Manifolds**

Chapter 4:

I think I must have been staring at Effy for a tad too long because she lifted herself from the couch and quickly reached me, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay? Naoms did you test some new stuff on yourself?" she asked me worriedly.

What? Tested some new stuff? What the hell was she talking about? I could hardly grasp anything at this point. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, my brain working rapidly to try and figure things out. One thing kept repeating itself in my head though.

"_We haven't seen or talked to Emily Fitch in 6 years..."_

How could that be possible? Emily and I were together. I mean we still were. Yes we had a row, but I don't think we had broken up. And even so, that was yesterday, not 6 years ago. Effy narrowed her eyes before locking her gaze with mine. As I peered into her crazy blues, I couldn't help the sinking feeling. There was no hint of humour in her eyes. She wasn't playing a stupid joke on me. Effy meant exactly what she had said. But how could that be possible?

"Sit down" she ordered me before pulling me to the couch.

I was so dazed that I did sit down. I think I was stupidly staring in front of me for a while. I can't be too sure. This whole situation had unnerved me. There had rarely been anything that I didn't understand in life, so when I didn't, I didn't like it.

"Wait here I'll get you something" I think I heard Effy say before she left my side.

I don't know how long I was staring at the yellowish traces on the wall in front of me for, but suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. I turned around to see if Effy would get it, but when I didn't see her coming out of her room, I got up and walked slowly to the door. A second knock was heard and I slowly opened the door and was faced with a revoltingly fat sweaty old man. I had never seen him in my life and just the smell of him could have made me vomit. I cringed a little as he opened his mouth to speak. Wow. That smell was plain foul.

"Hey there beautiful! You Eva? Your add said you were a brunette yeah? Well I guess blonde is fine too. As long as your mouth works properly, I'm good." He slurred taking a step towards me.

I felt a wave of sickness engulf me as he put his hairy arm around my waist and grabbed my ass with his free hand. I put both my arms on his chest to push him off and gave a little yelp. Okay, I was freaking out. Full fledge, completely, fucking freaking out. Like panda style. Only worse. What the fuck was going on?

As the man struggled to get me closer, I heard Effy walk back in the room.

"Leave her alone" she ordered and the man thankfully listened to her.

I was about to push him out of the flat when Effy added:

"I'm Eva, come here."

My jaw hit the floor as I saw the man make his way towards Effy. He went to put his arm around her waist but she extended her arm and made him stop. I had to give it to her, there was an aura of powerfulness around her and you just had to comply to her every wish.

"You pay up first" she spoke in a cold, but clear voice.

"How much?" the man asked unfazed, getting his wallet out.

"Complete?"

"Oh yes darling"

"500 quid"

The man looked inside his wallet and handed Effy a shit load of cash. She counted it slowly before nodding to the man and placing the money securely in her bra.

"Go and wait for me in there" she said pointing to her room.

The man didn't need to be told twice. My friend walked slowly towards me handed me a pill before saying:

"Sorry about that. You know how they get sometimes. Anyway, take this yeah? It'll make whatever shit you took go down better."

And with that she followed her "guest".

I think if I had been JJ, I would have fainted at that particular moment. Or possibly 5 minutes later when I started hearing moans from Effy's bedroom. I felt my whole body shake violently and I had about two seconds to dash to the bathroom before I retched all over the toilet. This was completely surreal.

When my stomach was emptied, I left the bathroom slowly. Jesus this place was disgusting and I won't even go into details about the smell. As I made my way back to the living room, I heard the fat man through the thin walls

"Oh yes, that's it. Get it all"

At that moment, I realized it was too much. Running back to "my" room, I grabbed my wallet and ran out of the flat. I ended up in a shabby looking building and after a few seconds, I was outside. I ran to the closest corner and checked the street name. Relief washed over me as I realized I was still in Bristol. I was in Easton, fuck me. I knew the housings were cheap around here, but it was mostly because this was the most deprived area of the city. I now knew the other reason why it was cheap, it was everything but sanitary. At least this apartment building was.

I felt tears coming to my eyes and started running again. I didn't stop for a long time. I don't know exactly how long I was running for, but all I wanted to do was forget. Forget about this fucked up situation, forget about what I'd heard. I didn't get it. Why was Effy saying that we hadn't talked to Emily in 6 years? That didn't make any sense. Yet, I was positive that Effy hadn't lied to me.

When I stopped running, I realized that my feet had led me to a park I had never been to before. I walked slowly through it and found an old bench. I sat down for a minute, grabbing my head between my hands. I tried relaxing, but I could already feel the beginnings of a very bad headache coming. I felt a shiver run down my spine and I realized I hadn't taken the time to grab any shoes. Wow. I had to look like a complete lunatic hadn't I? I was wearing basically what looked like a pyjamas, had no shoes on and was sitting on a bench park, my eyes red and puffy and my hair a mess. Oh and I possibly smelled of vomit. Real classy.

I sighed deeply and took my cell phone out. I opened and checked my contacts. I must have checked them all one by one about ten times before I came to the obvious conclusion. There was no Emily Fitch there. As I checked my contacts again, I realized I didn't know most of the people in there. I mean…

_Helena 3 _

_Jenni xxx_

_Kate sex_

_Sexy Lauren_

I couldn't help but wonder who the fuck were these women. Apparently I had had good times with them if I took their names seriously. Christ... But what was freaking me out even more than those names was the fact that, along with Emily, none of my close friends were in there either. There was Effy, even "Eva", but there was no Cook, no Panda, no Thomas, no JJ and no Katie. I really started losing it again when I realized there wasn't even a "mum" or "Gina" in there. I felt my eyes fill with tears again and I couldn't stop them. I wept on that bench park for I don't know how long. This could not be happening. I had to be dreaming, right? I felt like the victim of a cheap fucking sci-fi movie.

"_They should cry more in those movies"_ I thought. Because this situation was absolutely terrifying.

I didn't know what to make of this. As I thought this, I realized there were a _lot_ of things I didn't know. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. I got up; there was no reason to remain seated here. I walked for a few minutes before deciding what to do next.

I ended up deciding that the first step I had to take was to confirm a few things. I had to know if this was real. I had to try and understand. So, I started walking solemnly towards what should have been mine and Emily's flat. It took me a while to get there and my feet were killing me and had started bleeding slightly. I walked slowly to the door and knocked. I took a big breath as I prepared myself for what would happen.

I heard footsteps from inside and seconds later a handsome man was opening the door. He looked me up and down, clearly surprised. He smiled tightly, but politely. At least he hadn't been disdainful. My heart was beating exceptionally fast in my ribcage.

"Hi, can I help you with anything?" he asked me.

"Hum... Well I was wondering... Would there be an Emily Fitch living here by any chance?"

God I sounded like such a tart. I must have looked like it too because the man raised his eyebrow questioningly at me before shaking his head.

"No, there isn't... sorry."

I nodded and started leaving slowly. Before I was too far he called out to me.

"Are you... okay? Do you want me to call an ambulance or something?" he said pointing at my feet.

"Oh no, it's okay... thanks..."

I felt so utterly ridiculous, that I started tearing up again. I had never been pitied in my life and there I was making a complete fool of myself and looking like a basket case. I walked to a nearby park before falling to my knees and crying again. I don't think I had ever cried that much in my entire life. This was a complete nightmare. Nothing made sense. One conclusion kept coming to me, but it felt so ludicrous that I was having a hard time accepting it.

I lifted my arm and pinched the skin quite hard. It did hurt a lot. I sighed. I really didn't like how mental my conclusion sounded, but I guess I didn't have any other. Fucking hell I was in an alternate universe.

I closed my eyes and started praying to whatever was out there to make this one stupid big dream and have me wake up in a hospital bed with Emily by my side.

Emily...

Just thinking about her made me want to cry even harder. I would have killed to just be in her arms at that moment. I missed her so much I could hardly stand it. I missed her smell, I missed her smile, I missed her laughter, and I missed the feel of her skin, especially against mine... I missed everything really. I couldn't stay in this place (whatever it was) forever. I couldn't stand the idea. I mean what sort of life had I been living here? Not only was Emily not a part of my life, but nearly none of my friends were either. And the only one that still was... Effy... God what had happened to her? If my heart hadn't been completely broken already, I think it would have broken again. I hated seeing her like this, so... fucked up. And if what I had witnessed was anything to go by, she was… well an actual slag.

When I opened my eyes, I was still in the middle of the park on my knees. A few people were giving me weird looks too. I could also see some old woman with a phone to her ear giving me frighten looks from her flat window. Well wasn't that just tops? I got up and started walking again. There was only one place left I wanted to be. I don't remember much how the walk there went, but I remember hoping desperately that I'd find what I expected there.

When I got to my destination, the sun was slowly setting. As I looked at the familiar blue door in front of me, I felt my eyes fill with tears again. I really needed mum to be there to be quite honest. I don't think I could have supported to go back to Effy's (and my…) place that night. I didn't particularly feel like sleeping in the streets either. I must have look a right state though as I, again, took a deep breath before knocking on the blue door.

I heard footsteps before the door was swung open. I felt a wave of relief wash over me when a tall bearded Kieran appeared. He gaped at me his eyes comically wide.

"Hello, is mum home?" I said my voice feeble and broken.

He didn't say anything to me, but turned around and shouted at the top of his lungs:

"GINAAAAAAAAAA"

I think I felt her first, then, it was her smell that hit me and then, finally, I saw her face round a corner and step in front of me; my mum, Gina Campbell. Her eyes were as wide as Kieran as she looked at me. God I didn't even want to know how long it had been in this "reality" since I had last seen her. I was petrified that she'd close the door in my face and tell me to fuck off. I opened my mouth to say something, but was cut short when my mum leaped at me, threw her arms around my shoulders and gave me the most crushing hug I had ever experienced. That did it for me and, yet _again_, I wept like a child.

Mum dragged me into the apartment and sat me on the living room couch. I felt myself curl next to her and I rested my head in her lap. She kept brushing my hair back and kissing my temple, making shushing sounds and rocking me slightly.

"What's happened to you?" she muttered quietly in my ear when my crying eased a bit.

"I don't know..." I replied truthfully.

Because really I had no idea. I was just genuinely relieved that no matter what shit I had pulled on her, she hadn't rejected me.

"Can I stay here tonight" I asked her closing my eyes and inhaling her scent.

"Of course you can sweetheart" she replied and I could tell there was a soft smile on her lips.

I felt the tension in my body ease and I let out a huge breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. As mum traced soothing patterns on my cheeks, I completely relaxed and fell into deep slumber.

**Here is the part where I first want to say: I'm not British! So the "opinions" expressed about Easton… are actually straight off Wikipedia! I had nooooo idea what to say and well I do hope I didn't make any people from Bristol mad! I'm sure there are lovely places in that area and if it makes you feel better, I personally live in a sector of Montreal that is judged very shabby! I just wanted to make it feel a bit more real. **

**That being said, what did you think? :P Ps: the fat sweaty old man is a rip off from Lily Loveless who always says she'd rather kiss a girl than that! And his last line was probably the hardest to write. The idea of it grosses me out, which was, obviously the point. Anywayyyy, have a lovely day, thanks for reading and reviewing :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well here's the new chapter. I wasn't sure if I was gonna get it out this week to be honest because some shit hit the fan in my personal life which made it rather difficult for me to focus on fiction writing. Hopefully... things won't escalade. So... Now that we've all taken a big breath... here is the rest. Mama Campbell will obviously be part of this chapter, hope you enjoy it really! Thank you to all of you wo took the time to review. It really is rather wonderful when you do! Thanks for the favs and alerts as well :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own skins.**

**Manifolds**

Chapter 5:

When I woke up and found myself in my teenage years' bedroom, I think I could have cried. There went my theory of a bad dream. I was pretty sure you couldn't actually wake up from a bad dream in your bad dream.

I sat slowly in my bed and looked around. It was vaguely similar to the one I remembered except that there weren't any pictures of Ems and I in here. No picture of us on her mopped, no picture of her on an Elephant in Goa or holding a baby crocodile in northern China, no picture of me with a Buddhist monk or at some rally in Bucharest, no picture of us with a drinks on various beaches and no picture of us at Uni... Technically, there was no proof of our life together after college (or even in college for that matter). I sighed deeply, closing my eyes for a moment.

Looking down at myself, I noticed I was still in those god awful joggers and shirt. I got up and made my way downstairs warily. As I came into the kitchen, a smell of tea filled my nostrils. I felt a smile cross my lips for a second. I hadn't smiled in so long that the motion nearly felt alien.

When my mum saw me, her face lit up with a smile.

"Hey there honey! Did you sleep well?"

I nodded slowly at her. I must have looked awkward as I stood there, immobile in the doorway.

"Do you want tea?" she asked. "Or perhaps... A shower or a bath love?"

She seemed embarrassed to mention it, but I couldn't have been happier that she'd offered. I felt so disgusting that a shower sounded nearly as good as an orgasm at the moment.

"A shower would be nice... Perhaps tea after?" I asked uncertain.

"Of course love" Mum replied beaming.

"I don't... This is all I have" I gestured to my clothes.

"No problem! I still have your old stuff upstairs! Just check the drawers."

I nodded and followed her to the bathroom. She pulled out a nice fluffy towel from a cupboard and handed it to me. Before leaving, she stopped in front of me, tucked a wick of my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek tenderly.

"It's nice to see you darling" she added smiling.

I returned her smile and she then left me to it. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. Dear god I was quite scary looking. My hair was completely tangled and greasy looking. My eyes were red and I could see the remnants of mascara smudged everywhere. My skin looked pale, more than usual anyway. I slowly took off my shirt and joggers and spared another glance at myself. It would be the understatement of the year to say that I was surprised by what I saw.

There were three perfectly straight red lines one above the other on my ribcage. I brought my hand up to touch them. I winced a little in pain. It stung. I was speechless (not that I needed to speak or anything). I wasn't stupid enough to not know what they were or that they were self-inflicted. Well that was way fucked up. I mean I had _never_ done something like that before. Well, in my reality at least, because clearly it was a part of my daily routine here. The more I discovered about this reality the more I hated it. I resented this stupid life. I wished I would have known how to go back home. I let out a sigh really hoping that I wouldn't have to explain this to anyone, because, really, I wouldn't have known how.

I finally took off my bra and knickers and stepped in the shower. I don't know for how long I stayed there, but it might have been something like an hour or two. I'm quite certain part of me wished I'd drown in there. It felt good to wash away the slime and grime of the day before though. Still, I don't think anything could have made me forget for a minute the messy situation I was in. I mean how many people actually wake up to find out that everything's changed? I didn't even understand why things were so different here. Because let's face it, if this _was_ an alternate reality, then something had went down differently along the line and this was the results.

I scoffed. What a shitty result that was.

When I was finally satisfied with my level of cleanliness, I wrapped my body tightly in the towel and made my way to my room. I opened a drawer and took the first few things I could find. Turns out it was a pair of old dark blue jeans, my faithful "I love crap" t-shirt and an old _Roundview College _black hoody. It was pretty comfortable, but I looked and felt like I was 17 again. I took my time to brush my hair before going back down to the kitchen.

The second I came in, mum was on her feet, busying herself to make some more tea. She looked at me and smiled.

"You look nice"

"Thanks" I replied before sitting at the table.

A few minutes later, mum was back in front of me with a steaming cup of tea and a plate of Garibaldis. I couldn't help but smirk at her. She knew me well my mum did.

"So darling... how have you been?" she asked carefully.

It was weird to see my mum tiptoeing around me. She had never been scared to be rough with me before. It felt like she was scared that if she was, I'd run away and she'd never see me again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Somehow, I wouldn't have put it past this reality if it was what had actually happened.

"I... I have no idea... Not well I think" I said tentatively.

Mum nodded sadly. I don't think she would have expected me to say otherwise. I took another deep breath, before asking my next question.

"Mum... I... I'm a bit... confused. I don't... I mean... How long has it been since…?"

"Since what exactly love?"

"Since we've... last seen each other."

Again, mum gave me a sad smile.

"5 years love"

I closed my eyes to try and keep the tears I felt coming in check. Jesus fucking hell! 5 years? I hadn't seen my mum in 5 _years_?

"Did I... call you? In those 5 years, did I ever call you?" I asked desperately.

Mum frowned a little at that.

"No you haven't... You don't remember love?"

I shook my head. Mum shrugged and put her hand on my cheek.

"It's okay darling. You're here now, that's what matters."

I smiled a little at that. I could never express into words how overwhelmed I felt that my mum would forgive me for ignoring her for 5 years just like that. I mean, seriously? Just how amazing of a woman my mother was, yeah?

"I'm sorry" I felt obliged to say.

It was her turn to shake her head.

"It's okay honey. I know you've been through a lot."

I frowned. Had I?

"The thing is mum... I'm not sure I remember... I just... Why haven't we talked for 5 years?"

The idea was really so ridiculous to me that I had no guess to why it had happened.

"What do you remember love?" she asked understanding.

"I'm not even sure" I said my voice shaking.

"It's okay Naomi, don't worry about it" She calmed me. "Do you remember Kieran and I going away to travel in your last year of College?"

"Yes!" I provided enthusiastically. I was kind of relieved that this part of my life hadn't changed.

"Right. So we came back and you were a right mess. You had just broken up with..." she stopped.

"Emily?" I asked.

"Oh, you're okay with the name now dear?"

I frowned. I hadn't been? Big sigh because _really_ why did I keep being surprised at this point.

"I... yes... yes I am."

"Good for you" mum smiled proudly. "Okay so you were a right mess about it. You wouldn't come out of your room except to grab some food and go to the bathroom."

"Ems and I broke up because I cheated?" I needed to confirm.

"Yes love"

"Right..." I trailed off.

"So, you wouldn't come out of your room, you'd sometimes go out to buy some Vodka. But nevertheless, you had accepted a place at Goldsmiths and when the summer ended, you left for London."

I couldn't help but frown. I hadn't gone to Goldsmiths. Not in my reality at least. The place had somewhat been tabooed because of the whole open day/Sophia business. I had gone to UCL and Ems had gone to Westminster. Not in this reality I hadn't apparently.

"So I went to Uni... and stopped talking to you?"

"Not quite... After a month or two, you came back home. You told me you had dropped out of Goldsmiths. You never said why, you just said you did. That's when things got really out of hand. You went back to your habit of never leaving your room. You were buying Vodka more and more. I don't think there was any day where I didn't see you with a spliff in your mouth. You weren't working, but you never asked me for money and never seemed to need it. You'd barely eat. You'd never smile. I was worried. Really worried. I tried talking to you, but you wouldn't listen. When I asked you if it had anything to do with Emily, you threw a monstrous fit and told me never to mention that name again."

Mum paused at that. I gave her a moment. Anyway, I don't know what I could have said. I had been a shit. I was afraid to hear the end of her story.

"Then, maybe two months after you got back home, I confronted you. I didn't know what else to do. So I went to your room and told you to get a grip. I basically told you to change your behavior and go back to Uni. You laughed in my face. I asked if it was because of the death of your friend Freddie and you laughed again. I got mad and I told you that I understood you were sad and missed Emily, but it wasn't a reason to throw your whole life away. I don't think I had ever seen you that mad. You were literally red. You told me that you had warned me to never mention the name again. I thought that your anger was better than your laughter so I pressed on and said "Emily" again. I tried to calm you, to reassure you, but you just grabbed a bag, put in a few things, told me I was never going to see you again and left. I let you go because I thought you'd come back. I thought that this would wake you up. I thought you'd come back and be better. But that was the last time I saw or talked to you before yesterday."

Wow. Interesting story. So I had left just like that? I didn't know what to say.

"I can only apologize..." I said.

Mum actually laughed. It felt good to make her laugh. We stayed like that for a while after, just smiling and drinking tea. We chatted a bit about her life with Kieran, what she was up to, you know, the usual stuff. I knew I wouldn't learn anything else from mum about my life though. She had told me everything she knew, I was sure of it. She hadn't spared me of anything. I was also glad she didn't ask me why I couldn't remember a thing, because I wouldn't have been able to find a good answer. I could hardly say:

"_Well you see, I've actually been living some other kind of life where I was still with Emily and about to propose to her. Then I saw her kissing someone who wasn't me and I ran away and then we argued and then I got hit by a car and then pouf, here I was. Oh right and I had a nice little chat with my subconscious too."_

Yeah, I don't think so.

After tea, I decided to go back to Effy's. I mean she was the only one I could ask what had happened after I had dropped out of university and ran out of my mom's. And perhaps I could ask her _why_ Emily and I weren't together in this reality. I got up and placed my mug in the sink. I walked to my mum and wrapped my arms around her waist. I know I was squeezing her quite a bit, but she didn't say anything nor did she make any move to dislodge herself from my grip. She just hugged me back. When I pulled out of the hug eventually, I looked her square in the eyes and said:

"Thanks mum... For loving me you know?"

"Of course love. I'll _always_ love you. Even if you _are_ a bit of a tit"

I smiled.

"That I am" I agreed. "Is it okay if I come back here tonight or sometime this week?"

"You will always be welcome here Naomi. This is your home too, don't forget it"

I hugged her again for good measures (what? Apparently I hadn't done it in 5 years! The woman clearly deserved it) and left the flat. It's good that I know my way around Bristol, because if I hadn't, I would have been so completely lost. I started walking towards my destination when my cellphone rang. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

_Caliente Callie_

Fuck's sake... Who was she? Girlfriend maybe? I answered, how else was I supposed to know?

"Hello?"

"Hey you!" she purred in my ear. "Did you forget our little meeting?"

I was struck dumb for a second.

"Uh..."

"You did? Oh Nai! I've been waiting for you for half an hour!" she sounded slightly annoyed.

"No no I hadn't forgotten… I mean, I couldn't remember at what time it was" I lied through my teeth.

"Oh okay! Well, are you coming?"

"Hum... sure, where to again?"

"Nai..."

"Sorry, I meant to call you"

"It's okay babes, it's at the park yeah? The one near the old theater?"

I forced my brain into scanning all the parks of Bristol I knew before finally clicking to that one in particular.

"Oh yeah yeah! I'll be hum... Right over"

"Alright! I can't wait to see you" she purred again.

"Right. Well see you then"

I hung up after that. I hated that lying came back to me so naturally. I didn't actually fancy meeting that girl, but I figured that I'd attract more problems than anything by not going. So I switched directions and walked towards the said park.

Luckily enough, it wasn't too far from my mum's. As I approached, I saw a beautiful tall brunette with sparkly jade eyes. She was wearing light tight jeans, a white blouse and a nice grey cardigan on top. If that was my girlfriend, I had to say she _was_ quite hot.

"_Not as hot as Emily"_ my brain nicely provided. Thanks, like I needed to be reminded.

When she saw me, she waved enthusiastically. I made my way to her and stood awkwardly. What? I didn't know who she was! I could hardly just kiss her, could I? She leaned in and softly kissed my cheek. Oh, well, not girlfriend then. I have to say I was relieved.

"Hi how have you been?" she asked amiably.

"Hum. Not too bad, you?"

"Great! I can't wait to see that movie!"

"Oh right... Me neither"

"Did you bring it?" she inquired her expression playful.

"What?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Oh please Nai! Don't tell me you haven't got it! You promised!" she complained.

Now, of course I had absolutely no idea what she meant, but I still said:

"Of course I've got it!"

"Brilliant! Shall we then?" she said gesturing towards the theater.

I shrugged and started walking towards the building. The next thing I knew, I was being shoved to the ground and my arm was being placed behind my back in a rather painful manner. I felt the girl put one of her knee on my lower back and twist my arm and wrist higher behind my back. I had to close my eyes for a second there; that was bloody painful. I didn't understand what was going on.

"Police! You are under arrest for drug trafficking. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be written down and may be used against you in a court of law."

Shit. Shit fuck shitification fuckity shit. I was being fucking arrested. And for drug dealing at that! Jesus fuckity fucking shit. This life just _couldn't_ get better could it?

I was roughly pulled to my feet and shoved in the back of a police cruiser. Within minutes they took superb mug shots of my face and I was being frisked. I guess they were looking for drugs because, when they pulled out my phone and wallet and realized I had nothing else on me, they seemed confused and disappointed. Before I knew it though, I was being placed in a separate room and another female officer was taking my clothes off. I know what you're thinking there. Hot right? Being taken in a separate room, being undressed... Well it's not. It's actually rather embarrassing and quite impersonal. Fucking hell. At least I can say the police officer that searched me was very respectful. Well ain't that peachy? I was just _dying_ to see if our police officers were professionals, just _so_ happy to discover it firsthand.

After, I was allowed to put my clothes back on and was thrown in a cell alone. Genius. I sat on a cot, hugging my knees to my chest for a few minutes before another woman came and asked me who she could contact that _may_ bail me out. I had caused enough trouble to my mum so I mentioned Effy. The woman left me on my own again after that. I had been asked if I wanted to contact an attorney, but I had declined. I didn't know any and I don't think I had the money. Well, unless I really was a dealer, in which case I was probably loaded. Then, again, if I was, why the hell was I living in a hole?

Maybe half an hour after my arrival, I had been put in a room and interrogated. Apparently "Caliente Callie" was agt. Callie Davies, an investigator in the drug unit of the Police force of Bristol. She had been conducting an undercover investigation on me for quite some time. Oh and apparently she had numerous proof of me dealing drugs. Well what can I say? I guess I had been a busy bee. She tried getting some stuff out of me. She asked me why I had lied about having the drugs. Oh so that was what I was meant to bring? I'm quite glad I had forgotten that. It was actually funny to be interrogated on stuff I had no idea about. Constable Davies got quite mad after an hour of my mute treatment and sent me back to my cell.

I had been sitting in silence on my lonesome for a while when I heard agent Davies' voice. She seemed to be on the phone.

"Hey babes, sorry I'm still at work"

Silence

"Yeah it went well. Everything went smoothly actually. Didn't put up much of a fight. Don't think she saw it coming"

Oh right, she was talking about me with her boyfriend. How awesome? Well I guess it didn't hurt to listen a bit. After all I didn't know what they had against me, maybe I could get answers from eavesdropping.

"We didn't find anything on her, but I think we've got enough stuff already. "

Silence

"I've personally seen her deal about like a dozen times"

Silence

"Yes that night in the night club too. Those pills were so fucking mental she was out of it"

Silence

"Yeah the lab identified it as drugs. Technically she's screwed"

Silence

"Course It's gonna go to court"

Silence

"No I can't tell you who she is! God you're so curious!"

Giggles

"It's called confidentiality for a reason, babes. That's why we make an oath"

More giggles

"Course I love you anyway"

Silence and sigh

"I don't know. I have to stay here for a few more minutes. Her contact came to pick her up, she's paying the bail as we speak"

Oh! Effy was here? Awesome!

"Yeah I'll be leaving right after that"

Silence

"Cause it's my case hun, you know it"

Silence

"Maybe five more minutes, why?"

Silence

"What do you mean you're on your way?"

Silence

"Oh babes! You're the best! I really didn't feel like taking the bus! You know I love you right?"

Silence

"Oh I can_ definitely_ show you just how much later"

Jesus! If she started dirty talking, I swear I'd start yelling.

"I'll see you in a minute then. Love you. Bye"

I heard footsteps coming closer and soon saw some officer in front of my cell. I was quickly taken out. They brought me back to the reception where I easily spotted Effy. She looked at me with a smug face and I hugged her.

"Thanks for this" I muttered in her ear as I pulled out of the hug.

"Don't mention it" she said shrugging.

I waited a few minutes before they handed me my phone and wallet and left by the front door. Ah sweet freedom!

As we walked into the sun, Effy pulled out a fag from her pocket and handed me one. I took it eagerly. We took a few drags in silence.

"They've got nothing on you Naoms, you shouldn't worry" she said to me encouragingly.

I smiled and was about to reply when we were cut off.

"Wouldn't be so sure of that if I were you" said Agt. Davies.

She was standing a few feet away with a self-satisfied grin on her face.

"You'll rot in jail Campbell. Mark my words" she told me defiantly.

My real nature came running back to me right this instant. I gave her my most marvelous contemptuous look, cocked an eyebrow and replied:

"Yeah? Go fuck yourself then"

The brunette gave me a very angry look and took a step towards me.

"I'd watch your mouth if I were you Campbell"

"Yeah? Well make me, bitch!"

Callie Davies was making another step towards me when she spotted someone in her peripheral vision and refrained herself. I was looking rather smug that she had chickened out.

I heard Effy utter a small "oh" of surprise and I should have known right then that this meant nothing good.

"Naomi?" said a way too familiar husky voice coming from my right.

I turned around slowly and, sure enough, my eyes met the beautiful brown ones of none other than Emily Fitch.

**Well... guaranteed Emily presence in the next chapter :) And since this is a Naomi POV, it can only mean that there will be some naomily interaction. Yeah! Don't you al wanna know what Ems' life is like? I do too! ;) I really hope you're enjoying this! I'm not a writer at all so this is like... completely new territory for me! If you've got a minute, please leave a review! I really wanna know how you're finding this! **

**Have a good day! xxxx Miss Maraudeur**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Well! first thing I want to say is a big thank you for all the nice reviews! I was very very pleased! You guys have no idea how happy you've made me! It does mean a lot!. Also, i was overwhelmed by all the alerts and favourties i got! Quite overwhelmed really! So thank you for that too :)**

**Second: I just want to say that I have learned about the whole hate mail business and if i may say something about it... well i'm quite disappointed really. I'd like to state right here and now that Stunty's "what if" fiction was actually the first I read in this fandom and it was the story that made me fall in love with it! Now i do respect that we all have different opinions and while i loved that story some people may not have... but really people hate mail is quite low. I think we're all mature people here and we can take constructive criticism... But hate mail.. well it's just that isn't it? It doesn't help at all since it doesn't say anything really except "this sucks"... So i just wanted to take a minute of your time to say that, it's okay not to like something, but you've got to remember that there are as many writers as there are readers... So if you don't fancy a particular style, well it's fine, but no need to trash someone's work for it. That's all. **

**Third: May I state that the biggest surprise of my week was that Niceoneblondie actually mentionned this story in her A/N of Ink? Like wowwww! Didn't even know she was reading this! So well, thank you! Ink is absolutely fantastic and being mentionned by it's very talented author was quite... well surreal :) So thank you.**

**Finallyyyy: sorry this update was a bit longer than the others! I've reach a point where the pace of the story is slightly slower and everything is quite intertwined.. So i had to write a few chapters in advance to actually be able to post this one. Also, i have to say that tomorrow is my lovely girlfriend's birthday! So let's just say i've had one crazy week running around! Actually, right now i'm waiting for the cake to cool down so i can finish it. Yes. I baked her a cake :P I'm a right sap yeah? Whatever :P **

**So this is all folks! I'm done with the talking, you can go on with the reading! Hope you appreciate the reunion ;) Soooo... yeah**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Skins. Or Naomi or Emily or Mrs Loveless and Prescott (too bad right?)  
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**Manifolds**

Chapter 6:

We might have stared at each other for a few seconds before Effy coughed loudly and brought us out of our trance. Emily looked completely shocked to see me and I know I was probably perfectly reflecting her surprised gaze. Then it hit me. Emily was right there, in front of me, and she looked exactly the same. Her hair was still the gorgeous fiery red that I knew and loved so much, her eyes were still that intense enthralling chestnut brown so full of light and her skin was still this slightly tanned softness perfection.

As I realized it, my heart missed a beat and my look of shock was instantly replaced by a look of complete glee. I closed the few paces between us and pulled her into a tight hug. I could feel her body tense in surprise, but I didn't really care. I inhaled deeply into her hair and all the familiar smells of her perfume and shampoo came to my nose. Her aroma traveled through my entire body like an electric shock sending my nerve endings into an overload of pleasure. I felt for the first time in days like I was complete. I was so happy and relieved I could have cried right then and there. There were no words meaningful enough to describe how it felt to be holding Emily in my arms again after the, hands down, two worst days of my life. Eventually, I felt her body relax into mine and her arms snake tentatively around my waist. I also swear I felt her inhale my scent as well.

"It feels so good to see you" I muttered in her ear as she shuddered a little.

I could have stayed like this forever, but, of course, the moment was just too good to last though.

"Ems? You know her?" I heard the police bitch say.

Emily pushed on my shoulders gently to pull herself free from my embrace. She walked up to that girl and quickly placed a soft kiss on her lips.

Oh fucking hell! You just _had_ to be shitting me! Of all the possibilities, Emily had to be dating the police officer that had investigated _and _arrested me. This was bloody perfect. I was quite literally fuming. I really really hated this fucking universe.

"Yeah I do...Naomi is a... well she's..."Stammered Emily.

"Her ex-girlfriend" I happily provided.

Emily sent a quick frightened glance in Callie's direction before adding:

"It was a long time ago. In College actually. We haven't seen each other since."

Well that stung a little I have to admit. Callie smiled and gave me one superior smirk. She seemed satisfied with Ems' reply. Really bitch? Superior smirk eh? If she wanted to play that game, I just couldn't deny her. I could play too.

"Hum yes College!" I said sounding reminiscent. "A place for first experiences. Like first love, right Ems? They say you can never quite forget your first love. It's too intense you know? Nothing quite compares after that. Nothing can be quite as blissfully pure and satisfying as that love was"

I finished with my own smirk thrown in Callie's direction. She looked about ready to rip my head off. Oh well, she had been asking for it and if she wanted she could bring it on. I could take her no problem. Emily didn't seem too impressed with my little speech either though. She looked at me pointedly with fire in her eyes.

"Naomi, meet Callie, my _fiancée_" she snapped.

Wait what? No no no no no. Time to take a short break here. Really. Please space continuum, stop right there. Because right about now is when my heart shatters into a million pieces and never heals. Please just tell me that Emily didn't just say that. Please tell me I misheard her or perhaps misunderstood her. Emily can't be engaged to someone else. She just can't. She's supposed to be with me. She was _always_ supposed to be with me.

I stood there like a loon staring at them both. It was a strange sensation really. I didn't know if I felt like crying, yelling, puking or simply dying. My insides just felt wrong, like I'd have felt better if they hadn't been in my body. I can't be quite certain, but I think that it might have hurt less if Emily had just stabbed me with a sharp knife directly in the heart. I guess I could have expected her to be with someone. My little redhead was after all gorgeous, but I hadn't expected her to be in a serious relationship. I have to admit I felt pained by the thought that she could be happy without me. I certainly couldn't imagine any form of happiness without her.

Quickly enough, Callie's snobby grin was back. If I hadn't been so destroyed, so internally wrecked, I might have been pissed off. I might have had the strength to take that smirk right off her face, find a suitable line to throw right back at her, get my Campbell Bitch on. But really, all I could do was look at Emily, silently pleading for her to tell me she was joking. I think I was also trying to find something in her eyes, an indication of... something, anything. Incidentally, she wouldn't meet my eyes. She kept throwing glances at everything around her, but I was relentless. I kept staring at her until she gave in. I needed to know. I needed to see if this was really it.

And then, as our eyes connected, I saw it. A glint of sadness.

I didn't know what to make of it, but it was better than nothing, better than apathy.

"Well congratulations Emily" Said Effy, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah that's lovely, congratulations" I said in a tight voice forcing a smile on my face.

"Thank you" Emily muttered avoiding my glance once again.

There was another awkward silence, perhaps caused by Callie and I glaring at each other with pure hatred. I swear if looks could have killed, we would both have been deader than a dodo. Our bodies probably wrenched as well. We were staring _that_ hard. Emily looked between us for a moment and a curious expression etched on her face. Oh no... I knew that look. She was going to start asking questions. Shit. How was I supposed to explain this?

"Anyway, how do you two know each other? Are you a new officer here Naomi?"

Callie scoffed loudly at that. Bitch.

"Hum... Not exactly..." I trailed off.

Emily cocked her eyebrow at me. I was about to answer her when her oh so sweet fiancée did.

"_Naomi_ here has just been bailed out. She is the subject of my latest investigation"

The redhead's eyes grew wide at that comment. She was looking at me with a frown, but also with confusion. I could have killed that snotty bitch of fiancée of hers right there. My way of putting it would have been infinitely better. I hated to be the cause of that look on Ems' face.

"You've been dealing?" Emily said next with a pained expression, brows still furrowed.

I knew why she looked so hurt. I could tell it reminded her of that one time I had dealt dope to Sophia and all the shit that followed. Jesus fucking Christ I really wished I could have killed her bloody fiancée. What was I supposed to tell Ems now?

"Thanks for respecting confidentiality _officer_" I said sarcastically. "And for the record, nothing's been proven yet"

I saw Emily's mouth open and close again. That had shut her up. I didn't mean to be so crude with her, but this was not okay. I couldn't stand the way she was looking at me, judging me. I fucking loved her. Even if this was a different reality, nothing could make me stop loving her. And there she was judging me. It hurt. It really did.

"Right well, we better go. We've got dinner to make" said Emily after a while.

"Yes we do!" added her stupid fiancée Callie joyfully. "So long Campbell. I'll see you in court"

"Of course, I can hardly wait! I'll be missing you profusely" I shot back sarcastically.

She didn't reply and just went to the passenger seat. I could see Emily rolling her eyes at our behavior. Well what was she expecting? We could hardly be best friends. She looked at me for a few seconds before saying:

"It was euh... well... take care Naomi"

"Emily wait!" I said before she had time to get in her car.

She turned around and looked at me puzzled.

"I just... Could we maybe like... go for coffee or something... Some time... To catch up"

I watched nervously as she pondered for a moment, taking the time to quickly shoot her girlfriend a look.

"I... I'm not sure if it's a good idea Naoms..."

Her voice seemed to break on my nickname. By her expression I knew she hadn't meant to let it escape. I couldn't help but smile a little. It was a relief that, even in this reality where she hadn't seen me for 6 years, Emily couldn't help but call me "Naoms".

"It's just... It's been so long since... you know... we've seen each other. I don't know anything about you anymore. I'd like to change that" I pushed a little.

She still didn't seem too sure, so I pressed on.

"Look... I don't want to cause you any trouble. Only... I meant what I said earlier. It _is_ good to see you"

Emily closed her eyes briefly before opening them again.

"Give me your number and I'll think about it okay? I'm not promising anything"

I gave her an enormous genuine smile as I sighed in relief. She couldn't help but return my smile although I could tell she was working hard not to. That honestly only made me smile even more. Okay, maybe more like smirk. I cocked my eyebrow at her and she started laughing.

"Will you _not_!" she told me pretending to be annoyed. "I said I'm not promising anything"

"Yes of course" I replied cheekily.

She rolled her eyes at me one last time before quickly noting my number and getting in her car. And just like that, she drove away. I watched the car until it disappeared. Effy came to stand next to me and gave me a little shove after a while.

"Care to go home now?" she asked me and I nodded happily.

To tell you the truth I was practically skipping. I was just so happy to see Emily that nothing seemed to be able to bring me down. I felt better than I ever had since my arrival in this crappy reality.

"Oh my god Naoms, are you skipping?" asked me Effy laughing.

"Hum hum" I nodded.

"Dear god..."

She stayed silent for a moment, but I could see something building in her eyes. I knew she was about to say something.

"_Please let it be something good"_ I thought.

I didn't feel like having my mood ruined.

"You do realize she's engaged and that her fiancée is trying to put you in jail for dealing, yeah?" Effy finally dropped.

Oh and there went my happiness. It felt like my happiness was a helium balloon soaring into the sky and I was a disappointed little girl that hadn't kept a hard enough grip on it. I was definitely not skipping anymore as we got to the flat, let me tell you that. In fact, I was so crestfallen by then that I didn't even think twice before crashing on the couch. I took the beer Effy offered me and took a long chug.

"Sorry" she muttered as she sat next to me. "I was just trying to keep things in perspective"

"Yeah I know..."

Eff looked at me for a second before saying:

"You still love her"

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I nodded slowly. How could I not? I did still love her after all. Effy nodded as well and took a sip of her own drink. I could tell she was trying to read me right then. I could feel her stupidly blue eyes boring holes in the side of my face. She tilted her head to the side a little before telling me in an ever so calm voice:

"You're different"

Again, it wasn't a question, but a statement. Ah Effy, so completely perceptive. Yet, I doubted she could understand exactly how much I indeed was different from the "Naomi" she knew. Anyway, I must admit I nearly _did_ expect her to tell me next _"you are from another reality, here let me give you this magic beer cap so you can travel back to your world"._It would have been very Effy. Wasn't she supposed to be omniscient? Okay, so maybe I didn't exactly expect her to say _that_, but what hurt can a bit of wishful thinking do? What she did say though was:

"What's wrong Naomi?"

I deliberated telling her the whole truth then. I mean Effy had always been an awesome friend and apparently she was my _only_ friend here. The brunette had always been open minded, maybe she wouldn't send me to a psychiatric ward if I told her. But what if she did just think I was crazy? I mean I wouldn't have blamed her. Hell if it had been the other way around, I definitely would have told her she was mental. But then again, I was more judgmental then Effy.

"I won't judge" Effy said breaking my mental monologue. "Just talk to me yeah?"

I took a big breath then. Maybe I could try talking about it without saying the exact truth? This was going to sound so much like that other conversation we had had before.

"I feel... I feel like I'm going a little mad Eff..." I admitted.

"We all do at some point or another. What is your reason this time?"

"I'm a bit... confused. Like I can't tell what's happened and what hasn't anymore you know? And there's a lot of stuff I can't even remember"

"And?"

"And it's doing my head in, innit?"

"Okay"

"Okay? You think it's okay? I mean it doesn't sound a bit mad to you?"

"Well I am a bit mad myself aren't I?" She said cheekily. "So yes. I think it's okay. If you want to, I can help. I can help you tell what has happened and what hasn't. Would that help you?"

"Yes! That would actually"

Effy took another swallow of alcohol, reseated herself so that she was facing me sitting cross-legged on the couch.

"What do you want to know?" she asked me seriously.

You've got to appreciate friends like Effy. Really, you have to. How many friends do you know would react like that to "I can't tell the difference between reality and the rest"? Not a lot. So in that moment I couldn't help but be very thankful for having Effy here with me. This reality would have been so much worse without her.

I took a swig of beer contemplating where to start. Because this was it. I was going to have my answers now. There were about a thousand questions battling each other in my head. I needed answers, I really did. When I finally made my choice, I turned my gaze back on Effy.

"Am I a drug dealer?"

This seemed like the most logical start.

"Yes" she said simply.

Well, this definitely wasn't a good start.

"Do I have money then?"

"Yes. Lots of it"

"Why do we live here?"

"Throws off the police" she paused. "Well… or so we thought"

I nodded slowly.

"And you're…?"

"Yes" she said completely emotionless.

"Right. Why did Emily and I break up?"

"You cheated on her"

"I know, but... I thought that after my "speech" it would be okay you know? Why wasn't it?"

"What speech Naoms?"

"Well you know, the one where I told her how much I had always loved her? The one I said at the party in Freddie's..."

"DON'T" Effy cut me off forcefully.

I think I jumped like a meter in my seat. She had scared the shit out of me. When my heartbeat settled, I frowned slightly at Effy, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. She closed hers for a moment and I heard her inhale deeply. She got up and went to her room. When she came back, she had a bag of pills in her hands. She took one, placed it on her tongue and swallowed it. She offered me the bag, but I politely shook my head. Again, this wasn't the time for being fucked up.

"I'm sorry" Effy said after a while. "Just don't... just don't say his name okay? We don't say his name. Never."

"Okay... I'm sorry..."

"It's alright. So, what party?"

"In his shed. When Cook found out about Foster"

Effy frowned for a minute.

"You weren't there Naoms. You never came to that party. You didn't do any speech"

"Oh"

It was a lame answer, but it was the only one I could say. So _that's_ what was different. I had never actually told Emily how much I loved her. I was ready to bet anything that I had never spoken to Ems again after kicking her out of my house in this reality. Oh sweet lord. As I took in the information, a nagging voice in my head yelled:

"_I should have never gone to Freddie's shed that day. I should have let you go. This, this was a mistake."_

"_It didn't matter in the end. I wish I hadn't bothered"_

That's what I had told Emily and my younger self.

Right. Of course. I nearly felt like laughing. I guess I had sort of meant it at the time, but now that I was experiencing it, I fully understood how stupid those statements had been. I still couldn't tell exactly how it had happened, but it seems like my "wish" had come true. That was just splendid wasn't it? I guess I had no else but me to for fuck's sake this was confusing. It took me a few seconds before my brain allowed me to stop wondering what the fuck had went on and to actually continue to ask questions to Effy.

"So hum... I never went?"

"No"

"How did... How was Emily?"

Effy shifted a little and took out a spliff, lighting it quickly.

"How do you think?"

I just shrugged.

"She sat on the couch the entire night, staring at the door. She didn't say anything, but I know she was hoping you'd walk in at some point. At the end of night, when Cook came covered in blood, she stayed to help out, everybody was freaking out after all, and then she said her goodbyes and left"

"Cook... Cook came to the shed covered in blood?"

Again, that's not quite how it had happened in my reality. I mean Cook had called the cops and waited for them at Foster's house. We had only learned the truth the day after.

"Well yes. After he killed Foster"

Wait what? Cook did what? No! He didn't kill Foster, he injured him and called the cops, that's what Cook did. Of course, Effy being Effy, she could see the confusion on my face.

"You didn't remember that?" she said casually.

"No... No I didn't... Where... Is he...?"

"In jail? Yes. Has been there for the last 6 years"

I nodded. I couldn't help, but feel the tears coming. This was a really horrible version of events. I mean let's face it, I was a drug dealer, Effy was a whore, Cook was in jail and Freddie was still dead. I was afraid to ask about the others now. Although, there was a chance they were okay since Emily seemed to be doing fine.

"What happened to the others? Panda, Thommo, JJ?"

"I don't know. Panda and Thommo went to Harvard. Haven't heard from either of them. I hope they're well. JJ didn't want to see me after... After everything. I'm pretty sure he blamed me for it"

I nodded again. I could have lied to Effy, but she was probably right. JJ would have probably blamed her. I know he had wanted to in my reality, but Cook had talked it out with him. If Cook hadn't been there here… Chances were that JJ did blame Effy and had, most likely, disappeared.

Anyway, there I had it. I knew everything there was to know. I don't think it made anything easier though. I closed my eyes and laid back into the cushions of the couch a little. When I opened my eyes, Effy had scooted closer to me. She gently placed her hand against my cheek and ran her thumb in soothing motion on my skin. I felt myself relax instantaneously.

"Is it better now? In there?" she said motioning towards my head.

"Not really..." I admitted.

She gave me an understanding smile. Then a last question found its way to my mind.

"Why did I quit University?"

"You said University was for wankers" she replied shrugging.

I sighed. I guess this particular issue was going to remain a mystery.

"After you did though, you came to find me. You told me you needed a bit of a vacation and that I did as well. You had two tickets to Goa. We went and stayed there for a month. We were both a bit off, but we got better eventually. When we came back, we were different people" Effy added.

So I had taken Effy to Goa instead of Emily. This did surprise me a bit, although it did help me understand this new reality more than I had before. I could picture it. Me and Eff, both heartbroken and unable to do shit about it, leaving Bristol for a month. It made sense that I'd try to get us to move on by traveling. I had already cut my relationship with my mum at the time and Effy had never needed her parents' approval for anything. I pondered Effy's last words for a minute.

_When we came back, we were different people_

I guess it was safe to say that whatever had went on in Goa, it had shaped us into becoming Naomi Campbell the drug dealer and Effy Stonem the prostitute. I couldn't help but wonder what the fuck had actually happened in Goa, but I don't think I was quite ready to know the answer yet. Whatever that was, I was thoroughly convinced it hadn't been nice. I didn't really know what to reply so I just remained silent.

Effy stared at me for a moment and when she saw I wasn't going to add anything, she said:

"Now, are you ready to get fucked up?"

She took her bag of pills out and wriggled her eyebrows in a very good imitation of Cook. I felt a smile creep on my face.

"Yes, I am"

My worries and regrets and all the rest could definitely wait for tomorrow. Right now, there was only one thing that mattered and it was forgetting.

**Well so here it was. Do you think Ems is gonna call? Do you hope she will? Do you want more? haha Well you can go review and tell me :P I'm sure we can work something out together! And with that, i'm out, I've got a birthday cake to finish! **

Miss. Maraudeur


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Rightttt So it's like... 2 am in mtl right now. I'm actually reallyyyyy tired. Had a very long and eventful weekend! All good though :) But i really wanted to update this. Actually, i could have waited, but Emz2009 sorta had words with me :p So it's really her you have to thank for the update. Really, i do sincerely think she would have had no guilt in bullying me if i hadnt posted this today. So here you go Emz ;) **

**I also want to say, i absolutely have noooo problem with being asked questions in reviews, but it's rather sad when you guys dont log in because then i cant answer :( Just so you know i do try to reply to every single review i get because they make me fucking exctatic and if you guys have the time to write them, then i have the time to reply. **

**Anw for whoever asked: if Effy's loaded why is she a prostitute... Answer: I never said Effy was loaded. She said Naomi was. And further explanation will come. If you have further question, feel free to send me a personal message. I'll try and explain my pov :)**

**Again, thanks to all for the reviews, alerts and favs! Made the rainy days shine anyway :)  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. **

**Manifolds**

Chapter 7:

The next few days definitely went by in a bit of a blur. Most nights Effy would drag me clubbing and we'd get completely fucked. We'd drink our weights in alcohol and Eff always seemed to have a different set of pills or powder to try out even though it was supposed to be me that had been the drug dealer. Some nights I'd be so utterly off my tits that I could barely remember what had went after leaving the flat. I couldn't even be sure if we kept going to the same club or if we'd move around. I have to be honest here, I didn't actually care. What I did remember though was that, most nights, Effy would drag some bloke or lass back to the flat. It didn't escape my notice that the guys she brought back were always tall, tanned and dark haired and the girls were always petite brunettes with button nose. Effy's bisexual habits didn't surprise me as much as I might have thought they would. Somehow, it felt normal even if I didn't quite understand why she was so specific with the girls she pulled. Obviously I could understand her guys choices (I mean I wasn't a complete bint. Some of them actually were disturbingly similar to Freds), but the girls? I didn't really ponder on the subject though. It didn't change anything.

As far as I could tell, I personally wasn't bringing anyone back home on these little soirées. I mean I always woke up on my own in my bed. After three days, Effy had called me out on it too. I guess this was yet another difference I shared with the Naomi this Effy knew.

"What's up with you? Why aren't you pulling?"

I had just shrugged to end the conversation, but she had pushed on.

"I've seen you turn down a rather large amount girls so I know it's not 'cause you couldn't. Why aren't you?"

"I just don't feel like it okay?" I had replied rather harshly. I hated being reminded of how different the Naomi from this universe had been from the "me" I was.

"Is it because of Emily?"

"No"

"Are you sure?"

"For fuck's sake Eff I said it isn't so will you fucking drop it!"

Effy had indeed let the topic drop, but I knew she didn't believe me for one second.

Truth is, these nights out were helping me forget the situation I was in and it _did_ feel better for a while, but I still couldn't get accustomed to this reality as much as I tried. I kept mum posted on myself as much as possible because I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her again. Some nights I'd sleep at her place in my old bed but other nights I'd sleep at the flat. I had done a bit of cleaning (obviously I couldn't stay in such a disgusting place) starting with some laundry for my bed sheets. For the actual floors and stuff I had hired a team of cleaners. What? The place was fucking filthy and there was no way in hell I was scrubbing that shit hole. When that was done, it had to be said that the flat didn't look like a hazard site anymore. It was actually bearable. Although I have to admit that if I was indeed stuck here forever, I would definitely start scouting for a new flat.

What didn't help me get accustomed to this place was that I kept getting loads of calls from my "clients". I figured I was in enough trouble as it was so I had politely told them to fuck off and leave me in peace. Okay, maybe not _that_ politely, but I didn't really give a fuck. Anyway, Effy hadn't lied about me being loaded. So I didn't need to work at the moment.

Each day that I woke up in the flat, I sighed in despair. I had hoped that upon realizing why I was here I might go back home, to my reality. But I hadn't. I was a bit desperate to tell you the truth. I had absolutely no idea how this thing worked. I mean It's not like I was expected to be an expert on the matter, but I didn't even have the slightest idea as to how exactly this thing was supposed to go. I had no clue how I had gotten here in the first place and how I was supposed to go back. I wasn't even sure if I was meant to go back at all. The only person I could have thought of asking was JJ and I didn't exactly have his contact.

To top everything off, I was getting more and more nervous as the days went because Emily still hadn't called me. I was starting to lose faith that she ever would.

It had been two weeks since I had seen Emily and I had developed the habit of lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I was feeling rather heartbroken over the fact that she hadn't called me. To be honest, I had been sure that she would. I mean, I _had _made her smile after all. And it had felt good. It had felt like our regular banter, our regular dynamic. I knew she had felt it too. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe her stupid fiancée was making her feel guilty about calling me. Maybe Emily couldn't get away from her long enough to call. Well that was definitely rubbish if it was the case.

Every night that my brain wasn't stoned or drunk, I'd spend hours on end thinking about Emily. I kept replaying the moment I had met her over and over in my head. I kept remembering how it had felt to hold her, how it had felt to hear her laugh. On some really depressing nights, I'd remind myself of home, of my reality, of my life _with_ Emily. I kept thinking of how her skin felt under my cautious fingers, how her hair would always tickle me as she laid on top of me, how it felt to have her cuddle into me at night and whisper in my ear that she loved me. I ached for the feel of her lips against mine, for her expert fingers to be dancing freely on my skin. I missed her so fucking much that I could hardly breathe some nights. I had cried a few times, not really being able to stop the overpowering tears. Mostly I tried not to, but it was simply impossible. I hated every second of it. I hated not talking to her. I hated not being with her. But mostly I hated that I missed her so much. It's not that I wanted to forget all about her, because I didn't. But I really wish I could have controlled my feelings because I really was feeling like shit.

The week before, I had raided my room at my mum's in search of the pictures of Emily and I in college. I had found them after about an hour in a shoebox that had been bound tightly in gray duct tape. I had found a few other things in that box. Actually, it seemed to contain every single Emily-related thing I had owned in College. I had put everything back in its place except the picture. I had placed the picture in my nightstand drawer, when I wasn't staring at it endlessly that is. I sort of felt obliged to hide it when I wasn't looking at it because, I didn't really want mum to know what had me so miserable. Although I knew she (just like Effy) could tell something was off with me.

On one particular night, I was, yet again, thinking about Emily. I was also going over the last few weeks in my head, trying to comprehend how on heart I had gotten here and trying to figure how I could go back home. That's when it struck me. What if the way home was to win Emily's heart? What if I had to _prove _that I really loved her and wanted her in my life? Maybe then I'd be granted to go back to my reality with my Emily? The thought of my Emily stung me a little though. I had been so busy trying to figure this place out that I had completely forgotten about what had transpired back home. The image of Emily and Abby came back to mind. I couldn't help but wince. What if my Emily was cheating on me back home? She had said that it hadn't been like that and that Abby had kissed her and not the other way around, but could I really trust her? Was that the truth or just some lie to get me to marry her? Could I really believe Emily loved me fully? Could I really believe that she didn't? Truth is there _had_ been a part of me that had always been scared she hadn't completely forgiven me for Sophia and that she would end up leaving me. What if Emily was about to leave me in my reality? What if I had indeed caught her with her mistress? That was a positively terrifying thought.

I paused for a minute. Did I really want to go back to that reality? Was I better off here? What if I actually _could_ woo Emily back? What if this was a second chance, a chance to make things better? But then again, what about the others... I mean everybody did seem quite happier in my reality. Was it selfish of me to only try and work things out for myself?

I shook my head a little. I didn't really have the luxury to know did I? I was stuck here anyway whether it was the best option or not. One thing was certain though, I couldn't let Emily, the love of my life, marry someone else. I thought about my options for a while. I didn't have Ems number after all so they were pretty thin. When the answer finally struck me, I couldn't help but smile. I knew exactly what I was going to do. I couldn't believe myself for not thinking it sooner.

The next day was Monday. I had decided to sleep in a little so I had time to get some beauty sleep (ah I wish). I had taken a nice long shower, carefully washing my body and my hair. I had put on some nice grey skinny pants with a simple royal blue sweater that even I had to admit made my eyes look amazing. The shirt had a V-neck and showed a nice amount of cleavage. I had thrown on some long silver necklace that drew the attention even more to my breast and a pair of white heels. I had let my hair fall loosely on my shoulders with small curls and had pinned my fringe back. I had put on some subtle but nice make-up to, again, draw my eyes out. I had finished the look by applying some very natural looking lip-gloss and some perfume.

As I took in my appearance in the mirror, I smiled. This was perfect. It was casual, but yet polished. Not something you'd wear in a fancy club at all, but I definitely didn't look like a slob either. I looked at the clock in the living room. It had taken me 2 hours to get ready. Holy molly! If this didn't work I was going to be severely tipped off. I left the flat, bouncing in anticipation.

It took me a few minutes of walking and when I finally got to Park wall Middle School, I quickly made my way to the entrance. Okay, I'll explain a little here. In my reality, Emily had been a middle school teacher. She was also teaching at this school. I couldn't figure why she wouldn't be a teacher in this reality as well. Yes of course, mine and Effy's lives and careers weren't exactly the same (understatement of the year I know...), but Emily's life seemed more stable than ours. I mean she was engaged and everything. Anyway, I had to try _something_ and I had no other ideas. I didn't really have an established plan, but I had figured I could always improvise. As I got to the main door, I saw a sign that made me believe lady luck was _finally_ on my side.

Teacher-Parents meeting

Halleluiah! My excuse was already made. If I hadn't been here so many times before with my Ems (for like office parties or just to pick her up) I might have looked less convincing, but as it was, I strolled in the place like a champion. You know, like I totally owned it. I comfortably approached the secretary and gave her my most dashing smile. Not that I thought I could charm her (she looked quite straight), but as my mum had always told me, "Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it". And to be honest I _was_ hoping for the best results here.

"Hello" I said. "Sorry I'm a bit late for the meeting. Would you be kind enough to tell me where I can find Miss. Emily Fitch's class?"

I waited for a few seconds as the secretary gave me a warm smile in return and checked some papers in front of her. Not that she could see it, but I was crossing my fingers and praying like a loon for this to work. If Emily didn't work here, then I really had nothing else to go on. And, besides, I would look like a complete fool. After a few seconds that actually felt like hours to me, she looked back up at me and said:

"She's in room 307"

"Thank you!" I exclaimed feeling absolutely ecstatic.

I'm pretty sure I was fucking skipping as I made my way towards Emily's class. This was going exactly like I had planned. For once! When I made it to room 307, the door was open and the first thing I noticed was that there were rows of seats in front of me. Two seconds later, I couldn't have cared less about the seats as Emily's delightful husky voice came to my ears. I grinned softly as I closed my eyes for a second, reveling in the soft tones. Her voice felt better than music, really. Ipods be damned! I didn't need any of these stuff if I could just lie there and listen to Emily' all day long.

I peeked inside and when I saw that she was turned towards her blackboard, I dashed and took a seat at the far back. I didn't want her to see me, not just yet. My favorite redhead was wearing a nice black sleeveless dress with a nice silver pattern on her chest. She had topped it with a short sleeved cardigan to look a bit more conservative. Of course, she was wearing a nice pair of silver heels. My Emily always did love to wear heels for these kinds of meetings. She always joked that the extra height made her look more self assured for some reason and that the parents then tended to trust her more.

I'd have been totally lying if I said I didn't want to rip all these nice clothes off her and make a trail of kisses along her neck and jaw line. Or along the side of her ribs and stomach for that matter. Emily had always had that effect on me. I contained myself though and listened to her droll on about her class and the kids and the activities she had planned for the year. She was explaining all the different types of techniques she was going to use to keep all sorts of learners entertained. She kept describing various styles like sensory games, reflective exercise, visual work shops and verbal activities. I guess I could easily have been bored (I didn't have a kid after all), but I just took in the overwhelming feeling of Emily's presence and felt like a kid on Christmas morning. And let me tell you, I was the happiest fucking kid there was. I was just so happy to be near her that I didn't have any desire to complain. And coming from me, that was quite something. I was, after all, Naomi Bitch Campbell. Soon enough, her presentation was over and it was time for the typical question/answer period. This is where I came in. As I had listened to her speech, I had gotten a little idea of just how to make my presence known.

I smirked slightly as parents started to raise their hands and ask various questions to the redhead. She answered all of them with a soft smile and reassuring eyes. She always had that natural talent to make people trust and love her. I was absolutely convinced that she hadn't seen me yet. So, slowly, I lifted my hand in the air and waited for her eyes to meet mine. I felt my smirk grow wider when I saw her body shift towards mine as she spotted my raised hand. I could nearly see it going in slow motion as she raised her arm to point me and her eyes descended the length of my arm and connected with my icy blue stare. Of course I had been carefully paying attention to her, so I didn't miss the slight dilatation of her pupils as her gaze locked with mine. I didn't miss the way her tongue shot quickly to moisten her lips before she addressed me either.

"What's your question" she asked politely, trying to remain neutral.

She was actually doing a very goof job of it. If I hadn't known her that well, I wouldn't have notice the slight nervousness of her tone. I could tell tough because it had gone just one octave lower.

"I was wondering, my child has some learning difficulties you see and although I am thoroughly convinced that you're a _very_ skilled woman, I'd like to make sure we can work together to ensure my child's success. So, my question is what would be your preferred method of communication with parents? My kid really does have _special needs_. I hope you can understand that those needs require seeing to as soon as possible" I said, finishing the question by cocking my eyebrow at her and smirking from ear to ear.

I saw her eyes become a shade darker and her tongue dart to her lips again before she cleared her throat.

"An email or a phone call would be fine" she said in a husky voice that was delightfully low.

"Good. I'll keep that in mind" I said winking at her when I had made sure the other parents weren't looking.

But I knew Emily had noticed it though. I was quite smug after that because my lovely redhead seemed quite flustered for the rest of the question period. Okay, so she hadn't exactly flirted back with me, but at least her body language told me she hadn't been completely cold to my flirtatious behavior either. When there were no more questions, we were free to roam around the room, grab some coffee and biscuits or whatever and discuss further with the teacher.

About 2 or four mothers jumped on Emily as soon a she announced the free time. I casually walked to the side of the room and started looking at some kids' drawings. I kept my eye out for Emily and I see that she kept throwing me glances in between her conversations. I was so relieved that my presence was actually making her nervous that I could have tapped danced right in front of everyone. Probably could have gone as far as to tap dance on a desk. I was just _that_ happy. I could tell she was trying to throw off the other parents to make her way towards me, but every time she got closer, she'd be interrupted by some other parent and I'd subtly walk further away from her. I was obviously doing it just to antagonize her and I have to admit it was working wonderfully. Nothing wrong with being desired right?

After doing this little dance for about 20 minutes, I saw Ems throw me such an annoyed glare that I to bite my lower lip to refrain from laughing. I mean she was practically throwing me daggers with her eyes. Finally deciding that I had antagonized her long enough, I made my way towards the refreshments table incidentally getting closer to her. Within 2 minutes she was standing right behind me. I breathed in her scent contentedly.

"What are you doing here? She said sounding slightly tipped off, but mostly confused.

"No Garibaldi's? I'm quite disappointed I must say..." I offered as a reply.

I turned around to face her. God she was gorgeous when she was mad. I gave her an innocent smile and pretended to leave. Automatically her hand grabbed my wrist to prevent me from going anywhere. I felt my smile change into a knowing smirk. Of course I had known she'd do that. Well, I had hoped that she would.

"How did you know where to find me?" she demanded.

"A little fairy told me in my dreams" I laughed.

"Naomi..." she said her tone warning me not to play with her.

"Well I have my sources" I provided shrugging.

I could tell she was still not satisfied with my answer, but she had also just noticed that her hand was still on my wrist. She withdrew her hand quickly as if she had been burned. I continued to stare at her. I heard her sigh before she looked at me slightly defeated.

"What do you even want Naomi?"

"I want to go for coffee with you. It's been ages. I... I've missed you Emily"

I used a soft tone this time. I didn't want her to think I was playing with her, that this was just a big game to me. I wanted her to know I was sincere, that I _had_ missed her. Her expression shifted into something that was a mix between softness and sadness.

"Besides, you never called me. I had to do something" I added happily, trying to lighten the mood.

She chuckled a little. Yes! Naomi 1 awkwardness 0!

"I _told_ you I might not" she said defensive.

"Yes, but I wanted you to and I think you did too"

"This isn't a good idea Naomi... My fiancée's investigating on you, she bloody arrested you for fuck's sake"

"That's irrelevant! Come on Ems! Aren't you a tiny bit curious about where I've been these past 6 years? I know I am"

"You're relentless" she said falsely annoyed.

"All you have to do is give in" I provided.

"What if I don't want to?" she added with a grin.

"What if you do?" I replied cheekily.

We stared into each other's eyes for a moment after that. It was an intense moment and I supported her stare with all the strength I had. I knew she was testing me. I always had a hard time holding her stare in college. Of course, in my universe, I had solved that issue, but she didn't know that. I could tell she was surprised when her jaw relaxed. She cocked her eyebrow at me.

"You've changed" she said simply.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I haven't decided yet" she trailed off.

"Well... come for tea or coffee with me and you can make up your mind"

I think my grin was too much for her. She laughed softly before rolling her eyes. She checked her wrist watch quickly before looking into my eyes again.

"Okay" She finally relented as a genuine smile graced her lips.

"See! That wasn't so hard was it" I said cockily, winking at her.

She laughed loudly before shoving me playfully.

"Oh fuck off Campbell"

I laughed along with her. This coffee was definitely going to be eventful.

**Is this a tease chapter? Well… Yes. Probably. As Naoms would say: Deal with it :) So I guess some Naomily action is going on in the next chapter! Yeah! Think Naoms is gonna win her girl back? The chemistry is still there after all… We shall see! I am rather nervous again about this chapter. I usually am lol but i don't always mention it! I'd really like to know if you guys are enjoying it! So, well, if you could review, that'd be awesome :) Lots of love and see you next time.**

**Miss Maraudeur  
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	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well here we go again! First off, thanks a million toeveryone who reviewed :) I appreciate the support! It helps me speed up the writing process and then i update faster.. I'm not saying that to make you review... nope nope.. not at all (she says wistling and looking everywhere but at you!). But, really, the reviews are insanely appreciated :) **

**Emz, there's a wink to you in there somewhere. You should spot it easily. **

**I hope you enjoy this one. From the word count of the uploader, it is apparently my longest chapter so far. I can already tell you though that the next one is even longer. Hopefully, that'll be a plus:) Nothing else to add really... Have a nice read **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. **

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**Manifolds**

Chapter 8:

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The parent teacher meeting wasn't quite over yet, so I had to wait for Emily for a few minutes after she had agreed to go for coffee with me. To be honest, I could have waited a whole day and more if it meant I got to spend some time with her. Soon enough though, she was waving out of her classroom the last remaining parent. She grabbed her purse and made her way towards me.

"Ready to go?" she asked casually.

I nodded happily and exited the classroom with her. We walked in silence until we got to the parking lot. Instinctively, I looked around for her moped. I found myself frowning when Emily stopped in front of a big black SUV. What the hell? I cocked my eyebrow at her.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Well... what's up with that car?"

"What do you mean what's up with it? It's an Equinox, it's perfectly fine"

"Is that what it is? Anyway, I don't care about that it's just... where's your moped?"

Emily rolled her eyes at me.

"I sold it ages ago"

I think I actually gave her a look of horror there. I have to say I was downright shocked. She had always loved the damn thing; I couldn't possibly understand why she would have sold it. For fuck's sake she still had it in my reality and she absolutely refused to sell it.

"But... Why?" I asked her incredulous.

"It wasn't serious. I'm not 16 anymore Naomi"

"I know... it's just... you loved that thing" I added sincerely.

Emily's expression softened at my words. I guess she might have thought I was taking the piss or something.

"I know I did... It didn't suit me anymore that's all"

I shrugged at that, because, really, what else could I do? I knew for a fact that that wasn't true. As much as I had liked making fun of her because of her moped, the thing really suited her. I was hoping beyond anything that she hadn't given it up for Callie. I shook my head a little. I wasn't going to think about that bitch. I didn't need to think about her. This was mine and Ems' time together, I wasn't going to ruin it by thinking about her idiotic girlfriend. Oh excuse me, fiancée.

"So?" enquired the redhead. "Did you have a place in mind? I can drive us"

"No need. Let's just walk. There's a nice independent coffee shop about three streets down that sell divine fair trade stuff, it'll be perfect"

Emily nodded and we started walking again. I have to say, the silence that followed wasn't all that comfortable. I didn't really know how to approach this new version of Emily. She looked so familiar but yet felt so different, that it was a bit unnerving. It was weird too, to be this uncomfortable around her. Look at it from my point of view for a minute; in my world, I had been in a serious committed relationship with that girl for the past 8 years. We had always had a natural understanding of each other that had grown into such a strong bond that we normally didn't have to use words to communicate. We could tell each other entire stories with only one quick glance. We were so in-tuned that we always just _knew_ if speaking or silence was better. I wouldn't call it symbiosis because we were definitely two separate individuals, but we were just perfect together, you know, a perfect fit. Like being together made us thriving and accomplished like we could never be without the other. Yet... yet in this reality, Emily and I _hadn_'_t_ been together for 8 years. As a matter of fact, we had only dated for 2 years in College, one of which had been shite. Come to think of it, Emily had probably been in a relationship with her stupid police girl longer than she had with me. That thought definitely had me feeling queasy. I couldn't imagine that someone else had shared Ems' life, that someone else had developed that kind of bond with her. I found myself wishing that they didn't have that kind of relationship; that they didn't have that perfect connection that we always had had naturally.

Maybe ten minutes later, we were outside the coffee shop. I pointed an outside table to Emily and she sat down in one of the metal chairs.

"So, what are you feeling like today?" I asked.

She just shrugged and said:

"Anything"

Well that was helpful, innit? I guess Emily was feeling just as awkward as I did. Well if she wasn't gonna provide any help I'd have to use my secret knowledge of her.

"Did you jog this morning?" I asked her seriously.

"Hum, yes" She replied even though I could tell she didn't understand why I'd asked.

I nodded once and went to get our drinks inside. A few minutes later, I was placing her soy latte with a bit of nutmeg powder on top in front of her. She sniffed it curiously and took a cautious sip. Her eyes widened when she realized what it was. She eyed me inquiringly as I took a slow sip of my own coffee. She didn't say anything but kept staring, so I felt obliged to ask:

"Something wrong? Is the coffee wrong? I can get you another"

"No. It's perfect actually. How did you know I always prefer soy latte on days I work out?"

"Lucky guess I suppose" I said avoiding her stare.

She continued eyeing me suspiciously.

"You're kind of freaking me out, you know?" she said after a while.

"Why's that?"

And really, I didn't get why I'd freak her out. I mean I had only gotten her the good coffee. It wasn't rocket science or anything. I _could_ have guessed it.

"Well, first you drop by my work just like that when you shouldn't even know I'm a teacher in the first place and then you ask me the only question that matters regarding my coffee taste and you get me exactly what I always take... And I didn't drink coffee in College and didn't decide I wanted to teach after like a full year at Uni, so I'd really like to know how on earth you could have known"

I shrugged again.

"Couldn't I just have been lucky?"

I didn't really want to get into this because I didn't have any good answer. It's not like I could tell her the truth. If Effy had been understanding of my half truth, I knew that Emily would freak the fuck out with the factual version. I would sound totally demented, so I couldn't blame her.

"Naomi please... How did you know?"

"I fucking guessed alright? I remembered that in College your diet would change depending on your jogging schedule. I also remembered that you'd prefer low fat shit on your jogging days so I figured a soy latte would be good. Okay?"

That, of course, was a big load of bullshit, but I'd rather regard it as a little white lie. I prayed that Emily wouldn't see through my lies though. It had been hard enough to come up with that excuse, I really didn't want to have to find another one.

"What about my work?" she inquired still not convinced.

Oh fucking hell! As much as I loved that woman, she could be an outright pain in my arse sometimes. I guess she was just being clever though and she was quite justified to be worried. In her mind we hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 6 years. It didn't stop me from being annoyed. It was just me after all. It's not like she needed to worry about me putting her safety in jeopardy or anything. She _had_ to know I'd never do anything that could hurt her.

"Oh well, I had one of my little drug dealer friend follow you, didn't I?" I provided sarcastically. "Fuck's sake Emily, dating a copper really made you paranoid. Effy said she had heard something about you becoming a middle school teacher at some point so I took a guess and tried that school first because it was a really nice one. I was lucky, okay?"

Emily still didn't look quite convinced and I have to admit that it fucking pissed me off. If she was gonna treat me like a bloody criminal, I'd rather go. It was breaking my heart to see so much doubt in her eyes. I mean yeah I hadn't always been honest with her (cough _Sophia_ cough), but it's not like I had lied to her all the time either. It's not like I had ever meant her any harm. I would fucking give my life for her in a heartbeat, she had to know that right?

"You know what..." I said getting up. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. See you around Emily"

I started to walk away when she called me back.

"Naomi!"

I turned around to face her.

"I'm sorry. I was out of line. Sit down yeah?"

I hesitated for a few seconds before complying. I know it looks a bit dramatic, but I really was genuinely hesitant about this. This way of being with Emily really _did_ fucking break my heart and I wasn't sure I could stand it. I could already feel a tightness build in my throat and my eyes begin to prickle. The last thing I needed was for Emily to see me weeping. Alternate reality or not, I was still a proud bitch. I know she could tell that she had hurt me though, because, when her eyes locked with mine, I could see genuine regret and sadness in her brown orbs. She reached her hand out to grab mine from across the table and said:

"I really am sorry Naomi... I didn't mean to sound so... wary and rude. You just surprised me is all, you know?"

"Yeah... It's okay, I get it."

"It's just... Cal can hardly remember my coffee order after four years and you just come in after 6 years and order it perfectly the first time. Jesus you even had the nutmeg right. It sorta freaked me out, yeah?" she said with an apologetic smile.

Well _that _really made me smile. So the police bitch Davies couldn't remember Ems coffee? Well that was one point for me. Ha! Campbell 1 Bitch 0.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself Campbell" Emily told me trying not to grin too much.

"Sorry" I said trying to look sheepish.

We looked at each other for a few seconds, both trying to look serious. It didn't work though as we both started laughing. I felt the tension between us drop a little and that more than anything else gave my mood quite a boost. As we returned to normal, Emily was slowly shaking her head a nice smirk on her face. I couldn't help but look at her smirk and smile even more. She really was beautiful when she was happy.

"Stop it" she told me trying to hide her face with her hand.

"What?" I asked nonchalantly trying my best to look innocent.

"Stop staring at me like that you freak!" she joked.

"Oh please, you wish I was staring at you like that" I joked back.

"Oh really? I wish? So it's all in my head, innit?"

"Indeed. You've become quite full of yourself Miss Fitch I have to say. You remind me more and more of dear old Katiekins as the minutes pass"

Emily gasped at that and threw me a sugar package that was lying in a little basket on the table. She was looking rather amused though so I knew she wasn't really mad.

"You Bitch! Take that back right now"

"I will do no such thing! If you can't admit it to yourself it's not my problem"

Emily scoffed and folded her arms in a falsely offended way. I just laughed at her antics and she joined me shortly afterwards. When the laughter died down, I couldn't help but smile goofily at her.

"This is nice" I told her.

She locked her gaze with mine before replying.

"Yes it is. It's nice just being with you, when you're not being a prick that is" she added smirking proudly.

My own smile easily turned into a grin. I don't know if this was her way of testing me, but there was no way I would have not understood the reference.

"Thanks" I replied winking at her.

I took advantage of the silence to take a sip of coffee and so did she. The tension had pretty much fucked off by now and I was really glad. I had meant it when I had said to Emily that this was nice. As much as I missed my intimacy with the redhead, I think I missed her presence more. Just being with her, simply talking and bantering, that was what had made me fall madly in love with her in the first place.

"So, how have you been" I asked her simply.

"Good, you?"

"Good as well"

Emily chewed on her lips for a moment. I knew there was a question she was dying to ask me. To be honest I kind of had an inkling to what that question was. I just wished I was wrong.

"Are you really dealing Naomi?" she said so softly that I nearly missed it.

I sighed. This is exactly what I had hoped she wouldn't ask. But of course, Emily being Emily, I knew she couldn't refrain herself. I closed my eyes for a second as I contemplated the different ways to address the subject or, more accurately, not address it.

"Can we not talk about this? I mean... Your girlfriend-"

"Fiancée" she corrected to my annoyment.

Deep breath Naoms. Don't get mad.

"Right. Your _fiancée_ is kind of investigating on me. I don't think we should really talk about this. Besides, I know you. You'd have doubts no matter what I told you"

For a second I thought she was gonna get mad again. But then she surprised me and said:

"I guess you're right"

"Thank you" I told her honestly.

Knowing Emily, this was a big thing to drop for her. She was a little Nancy Drew my Emily, she could hardly resist stuffing her nose into anything, so the fact that she had dropped the subject meant a lot to me.

"So, tell me about yourself. What did you do after College?" I said to officially change the topic.

"I went to Uni. University of Plymouth. When I finished my degree I did a stage at Park View and then I started working there" she provided.

I must admit, her reply surprised me. Emily had _always_ been dreaming of travelling. I mean even during our first summer as a couple, she'd talk to me about all the places she wanted to explore. She was just fascinated by ever single culture out there. I remember I used to tease her and call her my little anthropologist. I didn't expected her to tell me she had went into a gap year after College like we had planned (that had been too personal to the both of us), but I couldn't really grasp that she hadn't travelled at all.

The thing is, travelling was visceral for Ems. It wasn't just about seeing different and beautiful things, it was about _living_ them. For her, it wasn't just an experience to boast about to friends afterwards; it wasn't about taking beautiful pictures to hang on her walls (although we _did_ have plenty of them). Travelling for my petite redhead was just and inevitable force that had always attracted her. When we had taken that gap year together, she had been so blissfully happy, so... divinely inspired. I knew at that point that I was mad for her, of course, but these travels had really cemented our relationship. When she was discovering something new, Emily was so in awe, so totally committed that she actually fucking glowed. Her eyes would sparkle like the purest diamonds and her smile would become so incredibly infectious that, not only I couldn't help but join in, but so did everybody else we'd encounter. When she had rode that elephant in Goa, Emily hadn't just laughed and had fun. She had experienced it to her fullest, like if she was somehow connecting with the animal. The elephant had felt so completely at ease with her on his back that even his owner was a bit surprised. Emily always had this natural vibe of easiness that made it simple for her to connect with others, human or not. And while travelling, that energy, that aura of her's just shinned through. It shine so much that all of us other human beings couldn't help but be blinded by such innocently pure beauty. It was rather fucking magical to tell you the truth.

The idea of an Emily that hadn't travelled was appalling. I guess she didn't know what she had missed, but I certainly did. I knew that these travels had made her complete. They had _made _her actually. It was then that she had become the fully thriving woman that I had loved so much. I couldn't really believe that she just _hadn't_ travelled. I mean, how could she not? I had to ask to make sure.

"Did you travel? Like, at all?"

"No. Didn't really find the time"

Well there it was. She really hadn't. I think my stunned expression must have shown because Emily asked me:

"What? Why do you look so astonished?"

"It's just... I always thought you would you know. It seemed so important to you"

I was lying. Well, to be more accurate I was down playing it. I didn't want Emily to think it was such a big deal to me even though it was. I mean how could she understand? She didn't know the effect those travels would have had on her. The redhead just shrugged.

"It was, but life got in the way"

"What happened?"

"Well... After College, I couldn't stand the idea of travelling... you know... alone" she said although I had the slight suspicion that she really had meant to say "without you" instead of "alone".

Maybe that was a bit presumptuous of me though.

"So I went to Uni instead. I sent a late application, but luckily they took me. Then I met Callie and well... It didn't happen"

"She didn't want to travel?" I said trying to hide the disdain in my voice at the mention of her fiancée, but probably failing miserably.

"No, she just didn't have the time to. She already wanted to join the Police then so..."

I said nothing and I think that annoyed Emily a little because she added defensively:

"We will though. One day, we will travel together"

"Right of course. Anyway how was Uni?"

We chatted about her life at Uni for quite some time after that. The conversation was easy and flowed naturally. It was really good to just be able to be with her and I was quite confident that she was enjoying herself as well. At some point though, Ems checked her wrist watch and must have realized how late it had become because she looked a bit startled. She looked up at me afterwards.

"I have to go Naomi..."

"Oh right" I said not fully able to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"I'm sorry" she actually _looked_ sorry too.

"It's okay, I'm just glad you agreed to come in the first place"

"It was nice. I'm glad I came too"

That did help me get my smile back. Although I must say that this had been way too short.

"Can I walk you back to your car?" I asked her.

"Yeah sure, why not"

We walked side by side to her car, discussing freely. It was pleasant to see we could still do it, be this comfortable around each other. Really too soon though, we found ourselves next to Ems' Equinox.

"Well this is me" Emily said and I really couldn't help, but laugh at how cliché that sounded.

I think the redhead realized it too because she took no offense and laughed along with me. When our laughter died down, we found our gazes naturally locking. As she smiled at me contently, the only thought that made its way to my brain was how beautiful she looked. Her cheeks were faintly flushed and a lock of her gorgeous red hair had fallen in front of her eyes. It really took me all my will power not to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. I ached all over to touch her in that moment. I know my eyes dropped to her lips for a second because when I brought them back up, her cheeks had turned a darker shade of red. I inhaled deeply and coughed a little before breaking our eye contact. Really, if I had stared into those twinkling chocolate orbs of hers a second longer, I'm not sure I could have resisted to the temptation of pressing my lips against hers. And now was definitely too soon to be kissing her. She was engaged after all.

When I felt safe enough to look at her again, she was looking pointedly at the ground, her bottom lip neatly tucked between her teeth. I hoped with all my might that she was doing so because she had wanted to kiss me just as much as I had wanted to kiss her.

"We should do this again sometime" I told her.

"Yeah, we should. You haven't even told me anything about you, about what you've been up to" she piped up.

"You've always been more interesting" I complimented her.

She blushed again before granting me with a heart stopping smile.

"Will you call me this time?" I asked cheekily.

"Yes I will"

"You sure? Because I'm not sure I trust you…" I joked.

"Pfff, you're one to talk Campbell. I'll call you okay?"

"It would make me feel so much safer if you gave me your number you know?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" she said waggling her eyebrows at me.

"Actually, I would" I replied winking.

Emily blushed again and shook her head slowly, smiling.

This can be qualified as flirting right? I mean, we _were_ sort of flirting? It wasn't just my imagination, was it? I guess I should have felt bad for flirting so openly with an engaged woman, but fuck it, I loved her and she had been mine first.

"Come here" said Ems before wrapping me awkwardly in a hug.

I smiled like a loon into her hair as I smelled her beautiful scent and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I felt her head move an inch and, before I knew it, I could feel her hot breath on my right ear. This sent like a million shivers down my spine.

"I never changed numbers. Still have the same one I had in College" she murmured. "Do you remember what it was?"

I nodded happily and Emily let go of me. Quite frankly I could have stayed in her embrace for a much longer time. The moment she was gone from my arms, I missed her. She told me a quick goodbye and got into her car after that. Once again, I found myself staring at it before it disappeared around a corner.

I must say I definitely had an extra spring to my step as I made my way to my flat. I couldn't wait to tell Effy all about my coffee with Emily. I was so excited that I had to talk to myself to keep me from just running crazily to the apartment. Soon enough, I was making my way into our messy (but at least not revolting anymore) living room.

The first thing I noticed was that the stereo had been turned on to its maximum. Some tune that I didn't know was blasting through the speakers into the flat. I could recognize the heavy beat of some foreign metal band though. The second thing I noticed was that there seemed to be a cloud of smoke floating around the entire place. My faithful olfactory sense told me quickly that the smoke came from a spliff (or rather from spliffs). I took a look around the flat and saw a few fresh bottles of alcohol scattered on the floor, all empty of course. I picked them up and brought them in the kitchen. As I put them on the counter, I noticed that there was also a mess on the kitchen table. I went closer to investigate and saw what looked awfully like some white powder strewn across it. There was also a dirty looking water bottle with a small paper cylinder coming out at the bottom.

"Jesus" I swore under my breath wrinkling my nose.

There was so much evidence of alcohol and drug consumption in the flat that I found myself hoping Effy had thrown a party and not invited me. This option seemed much better than to think that Effy had done all this on her own. I made my way back into the living room and turned the music off.

"Effy!" I called out loudly only to be met with silence.

"EFFY!" I called out louder.

When my friend didn't answer again, I made my way towards her room. I knocked loudly on the door before opening it unceremoniously. By that point, I didn't really care if she was busy. A quick glance though told me that Effy was not in her room. I checked the bathroom and even my own room, but Effy just wasn't there.

I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket and went to call her when I noticed I had 2 new text messages. Flipping my phone open to see if maybe Effy had contacted me, I felt my eyes widen in surprise and my heart beat faster.

_1 new message from Emily_

_1 new message from Effy_

There I hesitated. I didn't know which one I should open first. The thought of Emily texting me was sending my brain and heart in overdrive. I was beyond curious and giddy at the thought of it, but there was also Effy and right now I was worried about her. I took a big breath and made my decision.

.

_**From Effy to Naomi**_

_The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask_

_It's hard to see the pain behind the mask_

_Bearing the burden of a secret storm_

_Sometimes she wishes she was never born_

_._

Oh fucking hell. That text had me about a hundred times more worried than I was. I quickly dialled my friend's number and tried calling her. After many rings, I caught her voicemail. I hung up without leaving a message and called again. I might have done this about ten times and every single one of them ended with Eff's voicemail. Eventually, I left her one. I told her to come straight fucking home because I was worried sick. I didn't get a reply. I tried texting her telling her to text me back. I waited a few minutes, but still I had no news. I was getting really anxious by that point. So much that my throat felt dry and I wouldn't have trusted myself to speak. I closed my eyes for a second before deciding my next move.

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_**From Naomi to Effy**_

_Cold in a summer breeze_

_Yeah, you're shivering_

_On your bended knee_

_Still, when your heart is sore_

_And the heavens pour_

_Like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it_

_._

I didn't get a reply but I hoped she would at least read it. I felt bit defeated after that and went to sit on the couch. There was no way I was gonna sleep before knowing where Effy was. I flipped my phone open again and decided to read Emily's text.

.

_**From Emily to Naomi**_

_Hey, I realize I never thanked you properly for the coffee. _

_So, thank you. Oh and I will call you this time_

_Naomi, take care… Ems x _

_._

I know it was a very simple text, but her words made me happier than I could ever describe. With fumbling fingers I typed back:

.

_**From Naomi to Emily**_

_You better Fitch. I'll be waiting for you. Always._

_Take care Emily. Naoms xx_

_._

I didn't get a reply for that text either and I was left alone in my flat my heart breaking over feeling extraordinarily happy and inconceivably worried at the same time. This was gonna be a long night.

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**A/N: So there it is. The coffee ''meeting'' cuz it's not a date. Not really. Hope you enjoyed the dynamic. And well, of course things can't always be perfect all around. Wonder whats up with Effy, eh? So credits here, Effy's text was from a song by ****Martina Mcbride called Concrete Angel. I have never actually heard the song. Just liked the lyrics. Naomi's reply however is from a song i know and like. It's called Hope for the Hopeless by ****A fine Frenzy. Very very good artist and album. And very nice person too that i had the chance to meet at a concert :). So well i'll let you go now. But please before you go, leave a little review yeah? Make my gray days shinny all over :D Thanks folks, until next time .**

**Miss. Maraudeur XX**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well it's been a little while hasn't it? I'm so sorry for the ''abnormal'' delay. You know how things are sometimes... Sort of had to deal with work being hectic, the mates trying to get a hold of me and the gf being peculiarly stressed... And then writing became sparse and more difficult. But hey! Here's the next chapter! Before letting you go on and read, i want to say some special thank you to Flirbs, Beck89, Caro, LoveNaomily,Bebrave, Kajskk and anonymus reviewer (lol) for taking the time to review the last chapter! It really means a lot to me that you took the time! So this next chapter is especially for you guys :)**

**Also, i'm sort of dedicating this one particularly to Kajskk because she always leaves me really long and lovely review! Also, she's put up with me for the past week and gently encouraged me to take some time to write :P Probbing but not nagging ;) SO thanks girl you've been overly nice!**

**Last thing (I promise) is that i've discovered the wonders of Polyvore! And I have to say i had wayyyyy too much fun with it! For those of you who don't know what it is, well go and check it out. The link to my page will be on my profile. I'll update it along with each chapter! **

**Oh right there was one last thing i wanted to mention! I apologize for lying. But... Have you guys heard about **Ana Marie Ramos**' film Triptych? It's gonna star BOTH Lily Loveless and Kat Prescott! And that my friends is a wonderful news! If you didn't know, go read all about it on afterellen and rophydoes! They won't be snogging, but seeing a glimpse of Naomily back on the big screen, well that had me smiling te whole weekend! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. Bu I own an 18 year old cat who's dying :( **

.

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 9:

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I don't know how long I sat there waiting for Effy to return. I couldn't bear to do anything at all, but watch a fixed point in front of me. I think I was checking my cell phone every 30 seconds to make sure Eff hadn't contacted me. I'm pretty sure I must have dozed off at some point though because I was suddenly woken up by a door being slammed hard. I jerked up and came face to face with none other than Effy. Thank god she was safe. She looked at me straight in the eyes before smirking and saying:

"Sorry, were you sleeping?"

I think it was the casualness of her tone that actually made me lose it.

"What the actual _fuck_ Eff? Where the fuck have you been?"

I pulled my phone out of my pocket again to glance at the time. It was 6h30 am. Jesus.

"What do you mean?" my friend replied in her normal aloof tone.

"I mean where the fuck have you been! I've been worried sick!"

"I'm sorry" Effy shrugged.

She didn't look one bit sorry. That only made me more pissed off.

"For Fuck's sake Eff will you fucking stop skirting around the subject and bloody answer? Where the _fuck_ have you been?"

"Out"

"Where!" I demanded raising my voice.

"Nowhere, everywhere" She replied with the same calm and detached voice.

"Oh fucking hell..." I grumbled under my breath.

I wanted to yell at her, to slap her even, I wanted her to realize how scared I had been, I wanted her to answer me, but I knew I wouldn't get any answers out of her. I really wish I could though. I couldn't just drop the subject and move on. I was still not feeling okay about anything. I mean I had come home to find the apartment in a complete mess, drugs everywhere and Effy gone. She had left me a pretty obscure text message and hadn't replied to any of my calls or texts. For all I knew she might have been dead in an alley somewhere. She had been gone all night and now she was acting like it was nothing at all. This was just so not okay.

Effy continued to observe me with her mesmerizing blue eyes, but didn't add anything. I took the time to take her appearance in. She really looked worse for wear. First thing I noticed was that she had no shoes on. Then, I noticed that she was only wearing a black shirt with some complex design in the front and a pair of badly ripped fishnet tights. It wasn't so out of character for Effy to be wearing that, but even for her, the shirt was a bit small to be wearing without pants or shorts. I could see numerous cuts and bruises on her skinny legs and arms. I felt a shiver run down my spine when I spotted a few bruises and needle injuries in the crook of her elbow. Her face wasn't better either. Her hair was all tangled and her make-up had been smeared all over. There was even a small cut above her right eyebrow. I could also see red angry marks on her neck just like if she had been strangled. I couldn't bear the sight of her. It freaked me out and made me nauseous to see her like that.

I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms. She seemed a bit reluctant at first, but ended up relaxing after one or two seconds. I held her there for a few minutes, saying nothing at all. There really wasn't anything I could say. I don't normally do hugs. They make me feel uncomfortable. I don't like the whole emotion thing, never did. Emily was always one of the only people that got to see my softer side. But I couldn't help it now. I mean Effy _was_ my best friend. I fucking loved her more than I could ever express. I really cared a lot about that girl. I cared about her more than I had ever cared about a friend before. It was killing me to see her so… so bloody lost, so obviously hurting. The thought of losing her was making me feel dizzy. I just couldn't face it. I promised myself I'd do something for her. If I was going to be stuck in this hell of a dimension, I needed to not only sort myself out, but sort Effy as well. Or at least try to.

I finally loosened my grip a little and Effy pulled away just so that her lips were right next to my ear.

"Thank you for worrying" she said so low that I barely caught her words.

It made me grip her tighter again for a second. I really hated this. I felt like I was gonna cry. Fuck me I hated feeling so weak.

"How the fuck did we get to this point" I muttered into my friend's ear.

Effy chuckled for a few seconds before pulling herself away from my embrace and grabbing my face between her hands. She stared into my eyes for a moment softly tracing her right thumb against my cheek before closing her eyes and brushing her lips against mine. The kiss barely lasted a second but it was completely filled with tenderness. I doubted that Effy had ever kissed anyone quite like that before. Don't get me wrong though; there was nothing remotely romantic or sexual about the gesture. In her own weird way, I knew that Effy had meant for that kiss to reassure me, to show me that she was gonna be okay and that she was grateful for our friendship. The weirdest thing was that it had worked. Like I said, there hadn't been any other feelings involved in that kiss besides profound friendship.

This bond between Effy and I was quite different than the one I had with "my" Effy, the one from my own universe. As my friend rested her forehead against mine, her eyes still closed, I understood for the first time what kind of relationship I had had with Effy in this world. The best way I could explain it was that we were two lone soldiers. Two soldiers lost in their own grieve, lost in their own heads. We were two forces constantly colliding with invisible walls. Walls that we probably had put there ourselves in the first place, but no longer knew how to remove. We were endlessly wallowing in our own self-pity and pain. But the beautiful thing was that we were never alone, not truly. Because we had each other. We had always had each other. Two souls, rendered hollow by our own stupidity, but always revolving around each other. We made each other's emptiness feel less empty, more bearable, less agonizing. I still had no idea exactly how we had become this way, why we seemed to be so helplessly miserable, but at least I knew that no matter how much shit had gone on, Effy and I had always went through it together and _that_ was a reassuring thought.

After probably a few seconds, Effy pulled back and I know the moment was over. Her emotionless face was back again.

"So?" she said. "Did you see Emily?"

"I did..." I replied. "How did you know?"

"Funnily enough, you've still got your "Emily-Fitch-glow""

"Pardon? My what?"

"Emily-Fitch-Glow" repeated my friend calmly.

"I heard you, what I mean is what the hell is that supposed to be?"

"Well, it's quite simple. When you see her, you have this glow to you. Like you've just been filled with brightness. It's quite sensational to watch. You used to have it in College too"

I frowned at my friend because really, filled with brightness? What the hell was that supposed to mean? She gave me a small smirk as she shrugged. I knew exactly what that shrugged meant though. It meant: Don't ask and don't try and deny it, I'm Effy Stonem, I know better. So I didn't. I just looked at her and shrugged as well.

"Will you see her again?" she asked.

"Yeah" I replied.

I tried not to smile there, but I'm pretty sure I failed completely. Just the thought of my evening with Emily and the idea of seeing her again was enough to get that goofy smile right back on my face. Effy just smiled at me knowingly. I couldn't help but notice a hint of sadness in her eyes though. Or at least I think I did. It had been so fleeting that I was half wondering if I had imagined it completely.

"I'm happy for you" Effy said and her voice was so neutral that I honestly couldn't tell if she meant it or not.

Before I knew it, the brunette had made her way to her room and was back in a matter of seconds with her faithful bag of pills and a spliff hanging on her ear. She quickly popped a pill in her mouth before lighting the spliff and bringing it to her lips. She gestured to the pills before saying:

"Help yourself"

"No thanks, I think I'm gonna try and get some more sleep yeah?"

"Okay"

I started making my way to my room before Effy called out to me:

"I'm expecting people today"

"Are you throwing a party?" I asked.

"No. Work meetings" Effy explained smirking slightly at her own joke.

It didn't make me laugh. No matter how much I had tried to get used to Effy's "job" in this reality, I just couldn't. I don't think you're meant to be okay with your best friend selling themselves to strangers like that. Also, I still couldn't quite understand why on earth Effy had fallen down that path. But then again I still had no idea why I would have ever considered drug dealing as a job. I has a hunch that it was all linked to what had happened in Goa though. Effy and I hadn't talked about that again since her initial comment about it. And I was still reluctant to ask.

I sighed despite myself.

"How... hum... Are you expecting a lot of people?" I mumbled.

"A few" Effy provided evasively.

I frowned sadly at her.

"Eff... Just… why?"

"Why what?"

"I just mean... well, I have money. If you need anything, you can just ask. You don't need to..." I trailed off.

I saw Effy stiffened in front of me. Oh bollocks, I should have probably stuck my foot in my mouth. But I couldn't help myself really. I hated (and I mean _hated_) the idea of Effy-the-whore or I guess _Eva_. After a few seconds, her blue eyes met mine. She held my gaze with hers before speaking very slowly.

"I don't need you to _provide_ for me Naomi. I can take care of myself"

"I... I know… I'm sorry, it's just-"

"Just nothing Naoms. This is the end of this. You might not remember, but you were always understanding. I don't need you to look after me. I can look after myself"

I nodded slowly. What else could I say? As fucked up as it might sound, I could actually understand. If there was one thing Effy Stonem had always been, it was proud. She didn't shy away from anyone or anything. She was this massive bundle of pure energy, this freaking force of nature that no one could resist. She stood proud in front of everyone and she'd never let herself be brought down or taken care of. I wished I had been able to explain her that I didn't want to treat her like a child or anything, I just cared about her. I couldn't find the right words though and I'm not sure if Effy would have understood the difference if I had.

I left her in the living room then and barricaded myself in my room. I put on some music to muffle any upcoming noise and went back to bed. I looked at my phone quickly before closing my eyes and falling in the sweet world of dreams.

.

.

.

When I woke up to the sound of my alarm, there was no music playing anymore. Slowly and groggily, I got up and made my way into the living room. There was no sound coming from Effy's room. I couldn't even tell if she was there or not. I sighed. There really wasn't much I could do at the moment. I could hardly barge into her room. I didn't really fancy seeing her… hum… at work. Besides, I had a plan to execute.

I showered hastily before putting on some red boot-cut jeans with a black and white vest top and a pair of white sneakers. I fixed my hair too, but I couldn't be bothered to take too much time so I just pulled on a black beanie hat on top of it. It was a fairly cool evening out so I grabbed my Roundview College hoodie as well as a very nice vintage black leather jacket I had found in my room. I left the flat in a hurry because I was running a bit late.

Even so, I managed to get to Park View Middle school before the end of classes, just like I had planned. I know Emily had said she'd call me this time and I did believe her, but I figured that if I wanted to woo her properly, I had to show her how much I cared. So here I was. Ready for the wooing, ready for Emily.

I looked around the parking lot and spotted her black Equinox. I grinned and made my way to it. I was glad to see that Ems hadn't washed it the night before and I could therefore write a little something on her car door. It only took me a second and I stepped back admiring my work.

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_Emily Fitch, be careful. Someone is watching you._

_._

I laughed and bounced towards some low metal railing at the opposite end of the parking lot. I chose a spot where I could easily see Emily make her way to her car without her spotting me first. I didn't have to wait very long. Maybe 5 minutes after I had settled myself, I heard the bell ring out. I pulled out my phone and quickly composed a text message. I didn't send it though. I was waiting for my cue. I waited another 15 minutes perhaps before seeing people leave by the administration doors into the parking lot. I waited patiently for a familiar redhead to appear. 10 minutes later, I saw her exit the doors. I could see that she was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a simple white blouse and the cutest knitted jacket I had ever seen on her. It was black with red patterns and white reindeers. I couldn't help but laugh a little though. I mean reindeers. Really Ems? In freaking May?

I kept my eyes on her petite form as she approached her car, my phone ready to send off my text. When I saw her stop dead in her tracks in front of my little message I sent the text. It simply read:

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_**From Naomi to Emily**_

_You know you're looking rather beautiful today_

_._

I waited for her to receive my text and watched amused as she kept staring at her car door obviously slightly freaked out. A few seconds later, she was digging in her jeans pocket and pulling out her cell phone. Even with the distance I could see her frown in confusion and then start looking around her. I was probably grinning from ear to ear when her gaze stopped on me and I saw her shake her head, but smile nevertheless. I didn't bother hopping off my watching spot. I waited for her to walk towards me.

She didn't move for a while and when she saw that I didn't either, she cocked her eyebrow at me. I motioned her to come over with my head and she only cocked her eyebrow higher. I saw her smirk then and turn around to unlock her car. I figured she just wanted to get rid of her purse or something, but when I saw her climbing in without throwing me a backward glance, I felt quite appalled. I'm pretty sure my confusion and surprise showed on my face. Emily settled in her seat and started up the engine. I hadn't expected that and I was rather frozen. I didn't know if I should run to her car or do nothing at all.

Emily seemed about ready to leave when I finally snapped out of my dazed state and hopped off the railing quickly. That's when I saw her look at me and burst out laughing. When her laughter had slowed down she stared at me and I could see all the amusement in her eyes. The petite redhead stopped her engine and climbed out of her car. She looked rather smug and I have to say that she had had me there. I really did think she was just gonna leave without talking to me. I wanted to be annoyed at her for tricking me, but she looked so goddamn cute with that look of triumph on her face that I couldn't help but smile along. I walked slowly to meet her. She was still looking way too proud of herself when we finally stopped in front of each other.

"That was a very dirty trick Miss. Fitch" I chastised.

"Oh but I thought you liked playing dirty Campbell" retorted Emily.

I was struck dumb for a few seconds there I have to admit. That _had_ to be flirting! I mean, playing dirty? Come on! She couldn't mean dirty as in cheating at monopoly or something, yeah? It had to mean dirty in the very naked, sweaty, interlinking limbs kind of way. I have to admit that at the thought of playing dirty with Emily, I was lost in my own little bubble for a moment. I mean, who wouldn't? I could picture it very clearly; Emily and I completely naked, my fingers roaming her soft skin, her moaning her appreciation in my ear, her squirming underneath me. I could almost taste her on my lips as I imagined leaving a trail of kisses alongside her neck, making my way slowly towards… Of course, Emily noticed and coughed loudly to get my attention. When I snapped out of it, I noticed Emily was smirking knowingly at me. Oh well, it was her fault anyway if my mind went into pervy-mode for a while.

"So, what part of "I'll call you" didn't you understand?" Emily asked me playfully.

"The part where I wasn't sure when I'd see you again"

I was rewarded with a dashing smile from my lovely redhead for that line.

"You know I would have called, right?"

"Perhaps, but this is much more fun" I teased.

"What if I'm not available tonight?" she asked.

"Are you?"

"Yes, but what if I hadn't been?"

"Luckily for us we won't have to find out. Come on, go on and tell me I'm very annoying, I have _just_ the perfect answer" I said.

Emily laughed at that before adding:

"Anyway, when did you become all stalker. Someone's watching you?"

"Oh really Ems? A stalker joke? Coming from you that's a bit rich, don't you think?"

Emily scoffed.

"I was never stalking you!"

"Yeah right, because waiting for me at the College's entrance every single morning isn't stalking at all! Neither is always sneaking behind me to say hello and dropping by my house and waiting for me in my room" I added sarcastically.

Bless her for her cuteness; Emily actually blushed bright red before shooting back:

"How can it be stalking when you enjoyed it?"

"What gave you the impression that I was enjoying it?"

"Perhaps the fact that you offered me to stay over for the night and stroked my hair in the morning!"

It was my turn to blush. I probably looked properly stunned as well. I had absolutely no idea that Emily had known about that little fact. Even my Emily had never told me so. I know the redhead could tell that she had caught me off guard because she was smirking again.

"So see? I was never a stalker, you, on the other hand, were rather weird even then, touching me in my sleep and all"

She winked at me. And here I was faced with a choice. She looked rather cute with her little superior grin so I could say nothing and let her "win" our little banter. Or I could reply. I had my reply ready, of course. I actually don't think I'm cut out to ever shut up.

"If I remember correctly" I started, getting slightly closer to her so that I could tell her the rest by muttering in her ear. "You always enjoyed it very much when I _touched_ you. So, see, even by your standard I'm no stalker"

I took a step back to admire the effect of my words. Crimson really was a nice colour on Ems. I bit my lip to stifle my laughter. After a moment, I decided to break the silence and free Emily from her embarrassment.

"Would you care to accompany me on a walk, Ems?"

She nodded readily and we fell into steps next to each other. We didn't really need to talk for a moment, both just content with the comfortable silence. Again, this was a relief compared to the initial uneasiness of the day before.

"So what about you Naoms?" Emily eventually asked. "What did you do after College?"

I was glad to notice that her voice didn't break on my nickname this time.

"I tried Uni, but I didn't really enjoy it. I quit before the end of the first semester. After that, I went to Goa with Effy for a month"

"Really?" exclaimed Emily stopping in her track.

"Really"

The petite redhead stared at me for a moment before slowly starting to walk again. She didn't say a word, but I could tell something was bothering her.

"You alright Ems?"

"Yeah, sure... It's just..." she trailed off.

"What?"

"You travelled. Right after College"

"Oh..."

Emily looked quite hurt and I had the decency to look sheepish after that. I knew Ems well enough to know what was wrong. I chastised myself for my mistake. Of course I should have known that she would be hurt that I had travelled without her right after College when she hadn't been able to bear the idea. I sighed deeply. I knew I had some explaining to do. I had to gather my ideas a little though, because I didn't really know why I had gone travelling. I mean I _was_ from a different dimension. It was hard to figure out the reasons behind all my other self's choices. I closed my eyes for a second as we walked in silence to take myself back to that god awful time, to try and understand better (it was me after all, I was sure I could figure it out). Sadly, it was much easier to get back to that mind frame than I would have expected.

"Listen Ems-"

"No it's okay. You don't need to explain anything" she said cutting me off.

The redhead wouldn't meet my eyes.

"But I do. I really do"

"No, no you don't. We weren't together anymore at the time. Everything you did after us is personal to you. You don't need to tell me. You really don't. I'm okay. I don't need to-"

"Ems!" I said forcefully interrupting her rant.

She stopped talking and looked at the ground. I did a little scan of the area and spotted a shitty looking pub about a corner away. It really looked dirty and smelly, but it was better than nothing. I grabbed Emily's hand in mine, easily slipping my fingers between hers and tugged at her arm weakly to make her follow me. To my surprise, she didn't put up any resistance. I dragged her into the pub and chose a small table at the back. There might have been maybe 3 other people in the pub, so you can guess that we were pretty isolated. I pointed at the bench and said:

"Sit down and wait"

Emily nodded without looking at me. It broke my heart to see her like that, so defeated. It reminded me of the girl I had known in middle school and then in our first year of College. This girl was supposed to be a long time gone. It killed me even more to know that I had caused it. Before making my way to the bar, I kneeled in front of Emily and gently placed my palm on her cheek. I directed her gaze towards mine and when the eye contact was finally established I said in my softest voice:

"Please Emily"

If I had said those words to anybody else in the whole wide world, even to Effy, they'd have replied "please what?", but not Emily. She just stared at me for a second and nodded once. It made my heart swell that I didn't need to say more, that she could understand even if I was shit at explaining. The truth is there were so many things I could have said to follow that plea that I just simply didn't know how to phrase it. I just needed some time to explain or at least try to. To anybody who wasn't us, I'm pretty sure the concept of having to explain _anything_ seemed rather weird as well. I mean, to other people, what Emily had said about us not being together anymore at the time and me not needing to account for anything I did after was a rather valid argument, but to me (and I knew Emily felt the same way) it was important to explain as best as I could. Because this project of travelling we had had was always more than just a bit of fun. It had meant a lot to us, to me and Ems. And coming from a reality where it had actually happened, I knew how meaningful those travels had become. It was a project we had nurtured together despite my obvious concerns about Uni and all. It was ours. It had always been ours. And Emily had told me herself hadn't she? She had said that she didn't want to travel alone after College. So I guess for her it must have been an ultimate betrayal that I had done it without her.

I got up and went to the bar to get two pints of lager. As I waited, I took some time to really prepare myself and what I was gonna say. Once I had the drinks, I sat down in front of Emily and handed her one of the lagers. She took a large gulp of it as soon as she could. I took a big slow breath before speaking.

"The thing you have to understand first, Emily, is that these were very weird and confusing times for me. I don't know everything that went on and, to be honest, I don't remember it all"

Ems was eyeing me curiously and I could tell she thought that my intro was peculiar, but I didn't really mind. I had decided to tell Emily things as truthfully as I could. And, let's face it, I hadn't really lived through it so the truthfulness of my next words was already quite questionable. I could, however, picture myself in such a situation. I had already brought myself back to the horrible reality that our last year of College had been and I could very well imagine how it would have felt not to win Emily back. If I hadn't been able to do this little mental exercise I don't think I would have tried to explain it to Emily. I didn't want to lie to her. I didn't want to play her and make some shit up just for my benefit. I could have done so, it's not like she would have known, but I didn't want to do that to her. My lies had hurt her enough in the past.

"So please, stick with me and try to understand with what I'm giving you" I continued. "I won't lie to you or hide anything I promise."

I looked at her meaningfully before pursuing. I didn't want to rush this.

"That year, our last year of College, it was horrible. You have to understand, I was so happy. For the first time in my life I felt like I was happy, blissfully happy. I had you and nothing else really mattered. I didn't feel so bloody alone anymore because you were there. You were always there for me and I wanted you to be. Everything was just so perfect, too perfect I think. You can't possibly know how terrified of your love I was Ems, but above all, I was terrified of the fact that I loved you just as much."

I paused for a moment while Emily frowned.

"And then everything went tits up and I know I only have myself to blame, but... it tore me apart it really did"

I could see Emily clenching her teeth. I knew she was dying to interrupt me, to say something, but she was restraining herself. She knew that she had to let me get it all out if she wanted an explanation. She also knew that if she interrupted, I might not have the courage to finish what I had started to explain.

"I'm not just talking about you fucking about with randoms, I mean that hurt too obviously, but I could understand. I knew I deserved every bit of grieve you gave me. So I took it. But what was really tearing me apart was just the simple fact that there wasn't an "us" anymore. It was losing this with you, this easiness we always had. It was knowing that I had hurt you so much that I couldn't simply touch you or kiss you anymore. Seeing in your eyes every single time that I wasn't good enough for you because of what I had done. That was what really fucking hurt."

Again, I had the feeling Emily wanted to interrupt, but thankfully she didn't. I took a sip of my drink before continuing. This was so much harder than I thought it would be. I felt like a complete shit. All these old feelings were forcing their way in my head and in my heart and I think it tore me apart just as much as it had then.

"So when Mandy told me that she wanted you... it just... I realized that nothing I could do would ever make up for my mistakes you know?"

Here I was telling her _exactly_ what I had thought when I told her to move out. What I thought all the way until that moment in time where I had realized that I could just _not_ live without her. That I couldn't let her walk away. That I needed her to know just how much I loved her and how much this situation was killing me.

"So I let you go. I figured that I had ruined your last year of College, I didn't need to ruin the rest of your life. But I was fucked up Ems... I tried Uni, but I was just lost. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I realized I had lost myself in all of this. And I had these tickets to Goa... Tickets I had bought for us originally."

At my words, I saw Emily's eyes well up with tears. I didn't want to make her cry, it hurt me ten times worse when Emily cried.

"I'm so sorry Ems… I really thought we'd go together you know? To fix us. But you were gone and I didn't know where, but I knew that we were done anyway. And Effy was just so fucked too. When she learned that Freddie was dead, I think it killed her as well you know? She was just a shell. I needed to find myself again and so did Effy. So I gave her your ticket to Goa."

I paused again after that. Emily had managed to fight her tears back. She was looking at me expectantly. This part was tricky though. I didn't know anything about Goa and like I said, I didn't want to lie to Emily.

"Goa was... Beautiful. It's an amazingly peaceful place. Before going my head was always swimming with just so many thoughts and regrets. I missed you more than I could ever tell you Ems… I really fucking did. I could see you everywhere. It was suffocating at first to be in a place that made me want to be with you so much."

As strong as those words seemed, I knew they had to be true. When I had gone to Goa in my reality, I remembered just like it was yesterday how overwhelmed I had been. The place screamed of Emily. Everything was just so freaking... alive. Everywhere I looked I could feel the energy. I remember then that I'd look at Emily and see her match that energy with idyllic exactness. I remember thinking then that it would have been awful to be here without my redhead goddess. So, really, when I said to Emily that it had been suffocating without her, I meant it.

"Everything was just so... you. You really have to go one day Ems. Promise me you will. You're gonna love it. Anyway, it was really bad at first and then... and then something happened. I'm not sure what exactly, but it happened. And I was never the same again."

I paused again. Emily just stared at me. I took a final breath before finishing my speech and reached out for her hand on the table. I was glad when she didn't withdraw it.

"So you see? I'm sorry if you feel like I betrayed you, if I travelled without you. I'm sorry if I took what was ours and had it with Effy. But Ems, I didn't really… I didn't _really_ travel without you. You were there with me. You were everywhere. Maybe not physically, but maybe that was for the best?"

This was it. This was as much as I could explain to her. The rest, I didn't know. I took a large sip of my lager to give me something to do before waiting for her verdict. We stayed silent for a while before she said anything. I still had her hand clutched in mine and I started tracing patterns on the top of it unconsciously.

"You're wrong you know?" she said softly without meeting my eyes.

"About what?"

"You were always enough for me" she finished, giving my hand a little squeeze.

I'm fairly certain that my heart completely stopped at that moment. I felt my own tears cloud my vision and I had to take really big breath to stop them from falling. Of all the things Emily could have said to me, this was what she chose. This really proved that she knew me. Because of all the things I had said, of all the things I had deduced I had felt, this was the one feeling that I had felt the most that I _still_ felt from time to time. I had never really gotten rid of it, this crushing feeling that I was completely blessed to be with a woman as fantastic as Emily Fitch, this feeling that I didn't deserved her, that I never would. Even in my reality, there had been times where I got scared, terrified actually, that she'd figure it out. I was mortified at the idea that she'd wake up one day and realize how much of a twat I really was and leave me. And here I was, in another freaking dimension, sitting with an Emily Fitch that hadn't spent the last 6 years with me and she had still managed to point out the one feeling I couldn't escape.

I was struck dumb to say the least. Emily gave my hand another squeeze and I looked up into her eyes. There were no words to describe how fucking marvellous her eyes were. Emily had always had the capacity to tell the most magnificent tales with her eyes. As I looked into them, I could see so much emotion, so much tenderness. I tried finding the love that was once there, but I wasn't sure if it was quite there anymore. My throat felt sore and my eyes were probably pleading. I missed the unconditional love in my lover's chestnut orbs. I dragged Ems hand slowly towards me before swiftly brushing my lips against her knuckles. I didn't linger or anything, I didn't want Emily to freak out, but I needed her to know how much she had meant to me, how much she still did.

When my lips had connected with her hand, Emily had closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she gave me a genuine smile. I could only return it. And then, the tension dissolved. Just like that. We hadn't needed any words. Not between us.

We had stayed in the pub after that and had changed the subject thankfully. I guess I had always known that reconnecting with this Emily would bring an eventual "relationship" discussion, but I was glad that it was over. The conversation had flowed easily between us after. There hadn't been any other meaningful moments, but that was okay. I think we both had had our fair share of emotions for the night anyway. We discussed of everything it seemed. We spoke of College and reminisced on some old wild parties. She told me of some other crazy ones she had gone to during Uni. We discussed politics and argued for a reasonable amount of time. I couldn't help, but love her quick wits. She really was an amazing woman.

We laughed together like there was no one else in the world. And it felt so fucking right. I think that that's what made me feel so good. We were just so right together. I didn't even need to describe all the little intricate things that made us a good match, because it was pointless. We didn't need words to be us. We didn't need anything really. We just were. I could have spent several more hours with Emily without ever getting tired, but soon enough (very too soon enough) she informed me that she had to go and I had walked her to her car. She laughed again as she saw and remembered my little message on her door.

Before leaving, Emily fell into my arms with ease. She hugged me close to herself and I was only too happy to let her. She finished the hug by getting on her tiptoe and giving me a hasty kiss on the cheek. I must admit that as cliché as it's gonna sound, my skin really was tingling at the contact of her lips. My heart was dancing some very dynamic conga in my ribcage and my stomach was churning with such pleasure that I was scared it would explore into bloody fireworks. I really had to control myself not to push her up against her car and make love to her right then and there. I figured it might still be too soon. I couldn't help but feel like it was too bad though. After taking a step back, Emily opened her car door and looked back at me.

"Don't come tomorrow after school" she said with a pointed look.

"Why not? I thought you enjoyed our little meetings"

"I do, but Callie's meeting me tomorrow. She's treating me to dinner!" she said looking excited.

She looked way too pleased for my liking. I hated being reminded that she was with someone else. I felt like some 5 year old whose favourite toy had just broke.

"Did you... does she know? That we went for coffee and all?" I asked intrigued.

"I... hum... well I did tell her I had coffee with a friend yesterday, but I didn't tell her who"

My heart did a little leap of joy at the word friend.

"Oh. Okay"

"I _will_ tell her, yeah?" She said rather defensively.

"Yes, of course"

"These aren't like... secret meetings or anything. I'll tell her. We tell each other everything. We have a really stable and honest relationship. We love each other deeply"

"Jesus Ems I know okay?" I said perhaps a bit sharply. I didn't need her to rub her relationship in my face.

"Right. Well, goodnight then Naoms"

"Goodnight"

With that she climbed into her car and drove away. And I was left standing alone in the quickly darkening parking lot of her school, my heart twisting with a thousand different emotions.

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**Phewww so that was long enough yeah? I'm not sure how I feel about this chp to tell you the truth! Hopefully you'll have liked it. Please please pleaseee would you be kind enough to leave a review and tell me what you think? If you do I'll bake you a cake! And ask Emz2009, my cakes can be pretty awesome :D ANyhow, thank you so much for reading this :) and have a great day/evening/night! I truly do love you all :D xxx**

**Miss. Maraudeur**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: First off, of course I can only thank everybody who reviewed the last chapter :) I'm glad you all liked the talk. For once I really don't have much to say at the moment... So this will be brief.**

**I want to dedicate this chapter to all the anonymous reviewers and those who sign a name but have no accounts! Because i try to reply to every review just to thank you, but i can't with you guys and it sorta makes me sad! So here! This chapter is for you particularly ;) Also, wanna mention LoveNAOMILY because I can't send her any personal message, but I think she's reviewed pretty much every single chp so far! Soooo THANK YOU :D That's all you'all :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Skins related. Although I wish I owned the Soundtrack cuz the music on Skins is divine ;)**

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 10:

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"_We tell each other everything. We have a really stable and honest relationship. __We love each other deeply__"_

_._

I think I replayed those words in my head endlessly as I walked away from the parking lot of Emily's school. To be honest I was feeling rather shit. My brain felt completely full and I just couldn't be bothered to stop fussing over every fucking little detail. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to take a break from all this madness. I didn't want to analyse every single look and every single touch Emily and I had shared since finding each other in this reality. I just wanted to take things as they came you know? I wanted to enjoy being with the love of my life and slowly get back into her life. I wanted this to be simple, pleasurable, but my brain totally wasn't cool with the idea. It couldn't stop wondering if this was right. As much as I loved Emily and was convinced that we were meant to be together, I couldn't help but wonder if I was going to fuck up her life by pursuing her. What if she was happier without me?

.

"_We tell each other everything. We have a really stable and honest relationship. __We love each other deeply__"_

_._

I really couldn't get it out of my head. I kept going over everything she had told me about her stupid girlfriend, trying to understand what sort of relationship they really had. I mean Ems had told me that her fiancée couldn't even remember her coffee order. That was peculiar enough, especially after a 4 year long relationship. Let's be honest here, coffee was hardly rocket science. It's not like it was a big ordeal to remember. And it's not like Emily's order was so odd and unusual that it made it particularly hard to remember either.

_I_ sure as hellknew everything there was to know about Emily, I had known for ages now. I knew how she liked her food whether it was her veggies or her meat. I knew exactly where and how to massage her and, most importantly, I always knew when she needed it. I knew what to say to her when she was upset and how to hold her when she cried. I knew how she preferred to lay on the couch while we watched TV and I also knew her favourite type of cuddles. Not only did I know how to make her coffee, but I also knew how to brew her tea and how to prepare her the perfect hot chocolate. I knew how to make her laugh or how to make her smile. I knew how to make her blush and I knew how to make her flustered. Above all, I was completely confident that I knew how to make her moan, groan, shiver, squirm and cry out my name as I gave her the world's most wonderful orgasms.

That was the kind of relationship I had had with Emily. We just knew each other. And, most days, it felt like we always had, without even needing to learn or communicate. I had noticed that even in this reality where we hadn't seen each other for 6 years, we were _still_ somehow connected. We were just so right.

.

"_We tell each other everything. We have a really stable and honest relationship. __We love each other deeply__"_

_._

I couldn't help but wonder if this had been a jibe directed at me. A way to remind me that I had lied to her, that I had been unfaithful. I wondered if this Emily was still mad at me for it. If we could never have that perfect relationship because I had lied to her and she couldn't trust me anymore. I shivered as I wondered if this was how my Emily had felt as well. Maybe Callie knew the things I knew about the redhead. Maybe she knew all about her little quirks, about what made her tic. Maybe coffee was just the one thing she couldn't remember in the lot. And maybe Emily trusted Callie more than she could ever trust me. Maybe she did really love her. She was marrying her after all wasn't she not? What if leaving Ems alone was the best way to ensure her happiness? It would break my heart of course, but was my own happiness more important than Emily's? Did I not love her more than it was possible to comprehend and probably more than my heart could actually take? So, if I did, and believe me I did, should I just disappear from her life again? Try and live without her? Was I even capable of that? To say that I was confused would be the understatement of the year.

I somehow knew then that it was better to go back to my mum's for the night. I didn't want to go to the flat and have to deal with Effy. I know that sounded really shitty and it made me feel like it as well. I felt fucking horrible for even wanting to avoid my best friend. Truth is I don't think I could handle her at the moment. I was feeling too confused and I needed to sort my brain out a bit. God I really was a useless selfish cow, but I really needed my mum. I admit it, I needed Mama Campbell advice and magic tea.

.

By the time I arrived at my mum's and made my way to the kitchen, I was completely and utterly depressed. It probably showed on my face as well because when I crashed into a chair, my mum automatically called out:

"What's wrong love?"

I didn't even have the strength to lie to her, to pretend that I was fine so I just shrugged and continued to stare in front of me. I wasn't really paying attention to anything, I was just lost in thoughts. I was _still _replaying Emily's words in my head. I really was no closer to figuring out what to do though. I don't know how long I sat there in silence, but after a while, my mum placed a steaming mug of tea in front of me and sat down across the table. I stared at the tea for a second before taking the mug between my slightly shaking hands and bringing it to my nose. It smelled delicious. I closed my eyes for a moment, revelling in the sweet scent of my tea. It may seem ridiculous, but the aroma was soothing to me. It reminded me of my childhood.

It reminded me of simpler days when mum and I would go to the park together, when I was still a bit too young to go with her to protests. We'd go more often during the fall so the air was cold, but not too cold. I've always loved the smell of autumn, guess it started then. Some people find autumn depressing because they only see it as the end of summer, but I think it's beautiful. I always found it fascinating how everyone's life would change then, and not just humans, but animals and vegetal too. I guess I was just as much of a hippy as my mother, but it felt nice, it reminded me that, in the end, we were all connected all a part of something bigger. Also, the colourful landscapes were simply just too wonderful. Mum and I would sit on some giant rock in the middle of the park, facing a fake, but pretty big pond and talk cheerfully while munching some Garibaldis. I think that's when I actually started to love those biscuits. Mum would tell me about politics even if I couldn't have been older than 7. She'd explain to me how a democratic government worked. She always reminded me of how lucky we were to be living in England because other countries didn't have it as easy as we did. She used to go on rants about women's rights as well. I remember she'd always stress how important it was to vote and maintain our rights. She was always so adamant on the matter. But above all, I remember that after eating our stock of Garibaldis, she'd get a little thermos full of that special brew of tea out of her bag and we'd share it. The tea always changed the mood. Mum would stop the politicised talks and tell me about other things. Not that I didn't love talking about politics, but it was always really nice to just... chat with mum. She'd tell me about the world mainly. She'd tell me about beauty, about nature. She used to tell me stories about animals or stories about herself, about us. She always called me her little angel. I don't think I've ever felt as much loved as I did back during those days. We'd sit for hours too. We were untouchable, in our own little Campbell world. There wasn't anything to screw that up yet. Back then I was the only Naomi Campbell people knew about and mum was just mum. She wasn't Gina Campbell saviour of the lost souls yet and nobody was aware that I shared the name of a rather eccentric supermodel. There was nothing to worry about, so we didn't. We just enjoyed everything and were grateful to be together.

Mum's special tea always did bring me back to that moment in time. Things were so different then. I didn't need to be so protective and guarded, for once, I could just be me and I was loved for it. So, yeah, it soothed me. I'm pretty sure mum knew exactly just how much it appeased me because she had the knack for making me one every time she could sense I was tense. Not just mildly tense mind you, but really tense.

After a few minutes of silent tea sipping, my mum addressed me again.

"So, care to share what's been brewing in that rather large but stubborn brain of yours?"

I had to smile a little at that, but I didn't meet her eyes. I couldn't quite face her. I hadn't actually told her anything about seeing Emily again.

"Naomi love, you know you can tell me?"

"Yeah... I know. It's just... Have you ever... wondered?"

"Plenty of times love, but about what exactly do you mean?"

"When you love someone, you want what's best for them, yeah?"

"That is indeed an international truth"

"What if what made them happy was hurting you? Could you stand it?"

"I let you go didn't I?" Mum said with so much pain and sadness in her eyes that it hurt me as well.

"Right" I whispered.

"Naomi, when you love someone, when you really truly, completely love someone, you do what's best for them because you can't conceive to do anything else. You can't stand the sole thought of hurting them."

"What if you're not sure what's best for them?"

My mum was silent for a moment. I think she was trying to figure out the best way to answer my question and not actually pondering the answer. If I knew my mum as well as I think I did, she already had an opinion on the matter.

"Love... You can never be sure what's best for someone who isn't you. You have to let them decide for themselves"

"So what do you do? When they're deciding I mean"

"It depends sweetheart. It depends"

"Course"

We stayed silent again for a few minutes. I didn't really know what to do. My mum's advice, although probably quite noble, didn't help me much. I mean, it depends? That was hardly anything to go by. Mum got up to refill my cup of tea and her own and then sat down again, still across from me.

″Have you met someone love?″ she asked me curiously.

″I… It's complicated″

″It sure sounds complicated with the existential questions and all, but I'm sure I can keep up if you speak slowly enough″

I smiled, because, really, I couldn't do otherwise. It was actually rather ridiculous how much my mum knew me. She had always known how to phrase stuff to get them out of me. Now wasn't any different.

″What if I have? But there was someone else too″

″You mean she's taken?″

″Engaged″ I whispered.

″Well darling, you certainly have the knack of putting yourself in tricky situations haven't you?″ Mum mocked me jokingly.

″It's actually even worse″ I said darkly.

″How so?″

″She… hum…″

I have to admit I was finding it hard to tell my mum everything about it. What was I supposed to say? Yeah so I've met a woman that I'm completely fucking in love with and actually I've been stupidly infatuated with her since I was twelve. Yes, mum, it's Emily. I've always loved her and I _still_ love her, but now she's engaged to this other gal who's incidentally a copper investigating on me because, guess what, I'm a drug dealer. So, what should I do?

Yes, mum had always been understanding, but I was still scared to death to disappoint her. I had disappointed her enough as it was.

I took a sip of my tea and tried to gather my thoughts. I was looking for the best way to break this when my mum gasped a little and said:

″Dear lord...″

″What?″ I asked defensively.

″It's Emily isn't it? The person you've met, it's Emily Fitch″

I could only gape at her with my eyes probably popping out of my face in surprise. How could she possibly know? I think my expression was reflecting this exact question because before I had time to utter a single word, mum was saying:

″It's the face dear. You've always had that sort of glow when it was about Emily Fitch. Even at twelve when you told me about this "girl at school who could draw the prettiest things". It's rather fascinating that you still have it″

She looked at me funnily with a cryptic smile.

″What is it with people and fucking glows″ I grumbled under my breath.

"What is it love?"

"Nothing. Never mind that" I replied sharply.

Mum nodded and took a sip of tea. I think she had heard exactly what I had said, but was pretending otherwise. Bless her, I really didn't feel like telling her about Effy and her fucking Emily-Fitch-Glow. I knew that mum would love the name way too much and start using it.

"So? You ran into Emily?"

I could only nod.

"And she's just like you remembered?"

Nod

"And you still love her?"

Another nod

"But she's engaged to someone else?"

I nodded a fourth time and felt my eyes well up with tears. I fucking hated this. I hated thinking about Emily being someone else's. I couldn't bear the thought that the police bitch could put her hands all over _my_ Emily. I couldn't bear to think that at night, when they'd make love, it was her name that'd come out of her lips and not mine. I hated that Ems would probably cuddle in her arms, whisper in her ear as she fell asleep. How are you supposed to be okay with this? How can you be noble and "a greater person" and let them be? I really wasn't sure if I could. I had never been that selfless or that nice of a person.

Mum saw my discomfort and got up from her chair. The next thing I knew, she had wrapped her slender arms around my frame and was holding me close to her. My head was properly in her chest, but I didn't care. I don't think you're meant to care when it's your mother. I tried to fight the tears for a few seconds before my mum kissed me softly on the top of my head and whispered:

"Just let it go darling"

And then I wailed properly. I really don't think I had ever cried as much in my entire life than I had here. I was grateful that mum didn't mention anything about it, but just let me be. I think that's what I always fucking loved about Gina Campbell, she _always_ let you just be. She had let me be a happy child before telling me that my father would never come back. She had let me be a moody and insufferable teenager as much as I needed to. She had let me be in love with just who the hell I wanted and had never judged me for loving girls. She had even let me be a depressed and lonely woman in this reality and had taken me back just like that when I needed her. She may have been a cliché, but Emily had been right that one time, she was a nice one.

"I can't stand it mum, I fucking love her" I tried to articulate through my sobs.

"Shhh. It's okay love. It's okay" she whispered back in her ever so calm voice.

She held me until the tears died down and finally let me go. Silently, she went to the bathroom to retrieve a box of Kleenex which she put down in front of me. She waited for me to clean myself up a little before asking me calmly to tell her what had happened.

So I told her. I told her everything starting with the dealing. The arrest, the impromptu meeting with Emily, the partying with Effy, the coffee, the surprise visit at her school, the conversation, the hugs, the touches, Ems' way of describing her relationship, I couldn't stop myself from spilling everything out once I had started. It felt like I was vomiting all these thoughts that had obsessed me for the past few weeks. I told her about me, about how I was feeling, I told her how confused I was. I told her how much in love I still was with Emily. I didn't tone it down either. I didn't want her to think I wasn't sure or anything, I needed her to understand that I was completely, earth shatteringly, foolhardily in love with Emily. The kind of love that has got you fidgeting when you're worried about her safety, the kind that gets fireworks in your belly at just the slightest physical contact, no matter how small, the kind that has you staying up all night to keep her company while she's grading papers, the kind that would make you fight any large bloke that dared touch or hurt her, the kind that's got you singing karaoke just because she asked, the kind that would have you do cartwheels in the middle of the mall while yelling at the top of your lungs that you're hers. I didn't want mum to think that I loved Emily any less than I ever did. I think it was physically and mentally impossible for me not to love her more every single day. She really was my one and only.

When I was done, mum stayed silent for a while.

"Do you think Emily still has feelings for you?"

"Yes… No… I don't know… I wish I did"

"Right. Well there isn't much you can do darling is there?"

I shrugged because I really had no idea what she was on about.

"You are a smart person Naomi love, but sometimes you really are _such_ a tit" Mum said, smiling indulgently at me.

"So will you please illuminate the tit's brain? 'cause I'm properly clueless here" I shot back amiably.

"Sweetheart, if Emily means so much to you, you've got to respect her. I'm afraid you broke that poor girl's heart when you cheated on her in College. I don't know if you can repair the relationship you lost so long ago, especially with her having another significant other in her life."

"So I just let her be?" I asked slightly appalled.

"That's not what I'm saying love. What I'm actually saying is that you need to build back the trust you two had for each other before you can even contemplate winning her love back. You have to learn to be her friend and then perhaps you can learn to be her lover again. But Naomi, if she really does love this Callie girl, you will have to let her go. Maybe you'll learn how to let go of this romantic love you have for her and turn it into a wonderful friendship?" Mum finished looking probably as doubtful as I felt.

I thought about her words for a few minutes before saying anything. I didn't need to give a hasty reply with mum. I didn't even need to reply at all, but I wanted to share my thoughts with her anyway.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving her in that way" I stated truthfully. "But learning to be her friend, that, I think I can do"

You know these moments in your life when you parents look at you like you just shat gold or something? You know usually you don't remember them because it involved you doing something really common like pointing something when you were one? Well my mum gave me one of these look right then after I said that. I couldn't really understand why, I mean I hadn't said anything extraordinary had I? If anything I had only stated my complete uselessness when faced with one Emily Fitch. But apparently my words had been worthy of Gina Campbell because she kept on looking at me with such a dazzling smile that I considered getting sunglasses at some point. I waited for her to change her expression for a moment and when she didn't I got annoyed.

"What?" I called out forcefully.

Mum only laughed loudly.

"You are a complete twat, you really are, but I'm so fucking proud of you Naomi, do you realize that?"

I shrugged because I was speechless. It's not every day that someone tells you that and means it entirely. I think I was blushing too because mum shook her head a little before getting up and placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Never forget that I love you" she whispered.

"I love you too" I shot her back before watching her walk away towards the living room.

I smiled stupidly on my own for a moment before deciding to turn in for the night feeling, I have to say, much better.

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I woke up early the next morning thankfully feeling rejuvenated. I had been scared for a while that I'd be unable to sleep, but I had slept like a log. I was still feeling a bit uneasy about the whole Emily business, but my talk with mum had really helped. I was now ready to fight for the redhead's love and develop a friendship with her along the way. The truth of the fact was that I needed Emily Fitch in my life. I just did. No matter what place she could give me, I needed to have one and I'd be damned If I stood there and did nothing about it.

I knew that Ems had told me I couldn't meet her after work tonight because Callie was taking her to dinner, but that didn't mean I couldn't see her. Well, I guess it _did_ mean I couldn't see her after her classes, but I could certainly drop by at lunch time. And this was precisely what I had planned to do. I was feeling rather smug with myself for showing so much wit and all. I hopped in the shower quickly before putting on some slightly ripped pair of blue jeans, a rather nice green and grey plaid button-up shirt and a pair of black ankle boots. I threw on a silver dog tag necklace for the hell of it and a really insanely nice watch I had found at the bottom of my nightstand at the flat. The watch had a silver contour, but the front actually mimicked a wooden pattern. It actually loved it. I fixed my hair in the mirror before putting on some perfume. When I was satisfied with myself, I headed out.

Before taking the familiar path towards Park View, I took the time to stop by a little bakery that I knew and that made orgasmic, tasty wraps at lunch time. I bought one I knew was Emily's favorite (well I did say, I'd be using my extra knowledge didn't I?) and then walked nonchalantly to the redhead's school.

I got there in no time at all. Of course, I knew that Emily usually ate lunch in her classroom at meal times so I didn't wait for her in the parking lot like I had done yesterday. As I made my way into the school, I noticed that the kids were just leaving their classrooms. Great, I was a little early. This suited my plan fine since it was all about surprising Emily anyway. When I reached her classroom, I knocked softly on the door before stepping inside brandishing proudly the brown bag containing the wraps.

"Well good afternoon Miss Fitch!" I added happily.

As the redhead turned around, I took the time to admire just how exquisitely beautiful she really was. On the bottom, she was wearing some slim fitted black pants with bold silver zippers as pockets and a pair of hot black high heeled boots with a buckle on the side. On top, she was wearing a casual red and white stripped Hurley t-shirt with the black logo on the front and a beautiful grey and beige cardigan on top. To finish off her look, Emily had thrown on a silky white scarf and a lovely black and silver watch. No matter how many times I had seen her, she always managed to take my breath away. It was quite spectacular how words were never enough to describe her beauty and always seemed to fail me when I tried to describe it anyway. I mean, it was so completely effortless, but she still looked absolutely stunning. Of course, as nice as it was, that outfit could never outdo my favorite of Ems', which was her butt naked, obviously.

"Naomi! What are you doing here?" Emily exclaimed when she caught sight of me.

I couldn't help but notice her looking me up and down and I was quite glad for it. I also couldn't help to notice that Emily didn't seem that happy to see me. That fact tough, I can't say I was very much pleased about.

"Surprise?" I offered as an exclamation. "I've brought you lunch. Believe me Ems, these are gonna rock your socks right off!"

"I… I'm sorry Naoms, I don't mean to be rude, but... didn't I tell you not to come today?" she added looking sheepish.

"You said not to come tonight. Didn't mention anything about lunch" I answered shrugging. "Why? Is this bad? It's only a wrap, I didn't mean to bother you"

I must have sound just as crestfallen as I felt because Emily quickly said:

"No! It's not that! You're not bothering me! It's just… I already had plans for lunch, I wasn't expecting you and it's not a good idea for you to stay, trust me"

"Oh. Right"

"I'm sorry" the redhead said sincerely.

"Don't be! I'm such a tit, I shouldn't have assumed you'd be free. Only I saw this little bakery and I couldn't help it, I had to go inside after I had a whiff of their wonderful stuff and then I saw these wraps and I remembered that you didn't always eat lunch in College when you were busy and then I figured I'd get you something because I know you get crazy migraines when you don't eat and then since the school wasn't too far- " I ranted before Emily cut me off.

"NAOMS! It's fine! Don't worry about it. I t was really thoughtful of you. Today's just... a busy day" She finished with a shy smile.

I smiled back at her and took a few steps closer before dropping my bad on a desk in front of her.

"I'll just leave that here then and… hum… be on my way" I said awkwardly.

"Thank you. I'm really sorry that you had to come all the way here for nothing. I really hate to kick you out"

"Oh it's fine! Besides, someone's gotta make sure you have enough food in you. There's only one wrap in there, they only had one left. I know you usually eat four before you're full, but-"

"Oi!" Emily cut me off before playfully slapping my shoulder. "I don't eat that much!"

"No of course you don't!" I said trying my best to look serious.

"I don't!" reinforced the redhead.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying! Why are we even arguing?" I continued my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Stop it! I eat normally!"

"Oh yes sure. I mean _everybody_ eats as much as a baby beluga, that's common knowledge"

Emily made an offended noise before she slapped me again and we both started laughing. It was a nice moment. We were both so comfortable in each other's company that it really felt like the world around us had sort of fallen into oblivion. All that mattered for me at that moment was Emily, the sound of her laugh, the sparkle in her eyes and the feel of her hand on my arm. I could feel a kind of electricity travelling my body, making my blood boil with happiness and anticipation. Her touch was addictive and her laughter even more so. I really fucking loved her company. Of course, nice moments never last.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO _YOU_ THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?" yelled a voice I was only too familiar with.

I turned around and locked my gaze with none other than Katie Fitch, evil bitch twin of Bristol. I had seen Katie angry many times before in my life, but I had to admit those times were nothing in comparison to the kind of hatred I was seeing in her eyes at the moment. I swallowed hard and feared for my life.

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**Awwww some mother/daughter love :D Here is the time where I say that I've always enjoyed the Gina/Naomi dynamic. I've always loved reading about people's take on it. I love the teenage love-hate, but I really wanted to show them as both being adults. Cuz I think there are different moments in your life where your relationship with your parents change and I sorta wanted to illustrate the sort of mature, honest and franc relationship I imagined Gina and Naomi had developed with the years. So, I hope you liked it as well :) Oh and for Nc13… I guess it's safe to say now that you'll get to know a bit more about this reality's Katie :p Hope you're happy about it ;) And hope all of you are. If you aren't… well I am! I've been waiting for this moment for a while! I just love KFF :) **


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Well hello my lovely people! :D First off, hugeeeeee amount of thanks for the reviews :) I'm really happy you guys liked the Gina-Naomi relationship :) And I really couldn't help but smile like a fool at your excitment over KFF! Isn't she great though? This chapter was an aboslute pleasure to write because of it! And as you can see the writing is going so well that I decided to post this earlier than planned :) Next update friday perhaps? Would that be cool with you? **

**So there's a Harry Potter reference in this as well as Buffy (or Angel more like) one. The HP one is rather obvious and if you've read the books or seen the films, you should spot it. I think the Buffy one is a bit harder but still easy. Think you can spot them both? If you do pleae do tell me I'm curious as to how skilfull you guys are at spotting references :) **

**Fair warning for mature language in this 's nothing too outrageous bu it's a bit more than usual because it's KFF after all. I hope you'll enjoy this!**

**Oh and this chapter is dedicated to Zzz2187 because she admitted this week that she was my biggest fan :o And well i didn't believe her at first. And then she proved it to me :) So here love, this on is for you ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. But Skins owns my heart and my thoughts! **

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 11:

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"_WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?"_

"Katie!" I exclaimed trying to sound happy. "How nice to see you"

If there's one thing you can say about Katie Fitch is that she may seem superficial and dense at times, but she's never put up with anybody's shit. Certainly not mine. And that would never change in this universe or the next.

"CUT THE FUCKING CRAP CAMPBELL AND TELL ME WHAT THE ACTUAL _FUCK _YOU'RE DOING HERE OR I'LL PROPERLY BREAK YOUR FUCKING NOSE!"

"Easy there Katie…" I said putting my arms in front of me and trying to calm her down.

Needless to say my attempts were in vain. Once Katie Fucking Fitch was in action, there was no stopping her until she deemed it fit.

"ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION" she just yelled back.

"I hum… I was bringing Emily some wraps" I said lamely pointing at the brown paper bag.

Katie took one look at the bag before glaring at me with as much hatred as she could muster and then rounded on Emily who had been awfully quiet until that point.

"Ems, what the fuck is she doing here?"

Emily opened and closed her mouth a few times trying unsuccessfully to answer something intelligible.

"Oh fucking hell!" Katie exclaimed exasperated at her sister. "Since when are you talking to her again?"

"It's been a few days…"

"Oh my god Emily! Don't tell me _she's_ the one you've been hanging out with this week!"

The redhead didn't answer, but looked guiltily at her feet, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans nervously.

"For fuck's sake Emily! What are you playing at! When Callie said you had been having coffee with an old friend, I figured you might have bumped into someone from Uni like, I dunno, Brit or Alex, not Naomi Fucking Campbell! Does Callie even know you've been having coffee with her?" Katie finished giving me a disgusted look in passing.

"I... well I... I was planning on telling her at dinner tonight" Emily stammered.

"Have you gone fucking mental or are you just a proper cunt now?" the brunette yelled back.

"Katie!" growled her sister.

"There's no Katie standing Ems! You've got this amazing fiancée and you're fucking lying to her to spend evenings with Naomi I've-got-the-emotional-range-of-a-teaspoon Campbell!"

"I'm not lying to her!"

"Yeah? So she knows you've been spending time with your fucking ex-girlfriend then?"

"I may not have told her exactly who yet, but It's not like I've been hiding it from her either!"

"I really can't believe you Emily! Your decision making is beyond me! I thought you had finally gotten some sense into you when you started dating Callie! She's a proper girl she is. But now you're risking it for _her?_" Katie said with such contempt in her voice that I doubted she could have added more if she wanted. "Naomi Campbell? Naomi I-fucked-a-girl-behind-your-back-and-then-she-offed-herself Campbell?"

"Hum... I'm standing right here…" I contributed feeling left out and slightly offended.

I mean I know I had fucked up in College, but I was a different person now. Katie Fucking Fitch or not, she had no right to drop by and judge me. I have to admit that it hurt too though. In my reality, Katie and I were friends, family even. And here I was with a version of Katie Fitch that hated me even more than she had in College. I had always thought that that was impossible. Well I had been fucking wrong.

"I really don't care about anything you've got to say, you sleazy cow!"

"Katie, stop it!" Emily tried to intervene.

"Now you're defending her? I really can't believe you! Have you been shagging her behind Callie's back!"

"No! For fuck's sake Katie I wouldn't do that!"

"I hope so! So why have you even been _talking_ to this cunt then?"

"We're just catching up and don't call her that!"

"Oh you're just catching up aren't you? Well that's dandy that is, innit? Just fucking catching up with the girl that treated you like you were nothing more than a bag of trash!"

"I'm a grown woman Katie! And if I feel like having coffee with Naomi, I will! This has nothing to do with you!"

"Yeah? And what about Callie? Has it got nothing to do with her as well?"

"I'm going to fucking _tell_ her Katie! This isn't a secret!"

"Then why haven't you told her already if it's not a secret?" Katie sneered.

"Jesus Katie I don't have to justify myself to you!"

Katie looked like she wanted to shout some more, but actually restrained herself. She adjusted her Gucci handbag on her arm and composed herself. When she spoke again, her voice was much lower and calmer; I'd even say it was soft.

"I'm sorry Emsy, you're right. You don't have to justify yourself to me and I don't want you to. I'm just worried about you, yeah?"

I saw Emily's anger slither out of her body as her sister spoke those words. Oh she was good, Katie was, really fucking good at manipulating her sister. I didn't buy her new soft attitude one bit. I was convinced that if she wasn't gonna start shouting again, it could only mean that she had a secret card just waiting for the perfect moment to be pulled.

"You don't have to worry about me, Katie, I'm fine"

"Why didn't you tell me about this Emsy?"

"About what exactly?"

"That you were seeing Campbell again"

"It just happened okay, Jesus Katie I don't _need_ to tell you everything!"

"I know! I don't want you to! But you know you _can_ tell me everything"

I have to say here that I was feeling more and more like a piece of furniture. Neither of them was acknowledging my presence in the least and I had a feeling the conversation was going to turn a bit more personal in a minute. I was still on edge though, I really didn't trust Katie's comprehensive sister attitude.

"It isn't a big deal okay? We just went for coffee and chatted alright?"

"I'm just curious why you didn't tell me you know? We talked about you having coffee and you never felt the need to mention it was with _her_. I don't get it."

"Maybe I didn't tell you because I knew you'd make such a fucking big deal out of it"

"Sorry. I guess I do tend to overreact sometimes, yeah?" Katie said with a smile.

"That you do" replied Emily returning her sister's smile.

"You promise you'll tell Callie?"

"I will"

"She's a great lass and she loves you to fucking pieces. You're good with her"

"I know Kay, I love her too. Back to front, to pieces, yeah? Stop fussing over this"

Why was I still standing there? Because really there was no part of this I wanted to hear about. I didn't need to hear about Emily's oh so grand love for her fiancée. Every little word she said would tear my heart apart. I couldn't stand to look at Emily for a moment. I could feel the hurt constrict my throat. I grabbed the edge of a close by desk to keep myself from falling. My knuckles quickly turned white as I gripped as hard as I could. I wondered briefly if this had been Katie's card, if she had wanted Emily to state her love for her fiancée hoping that it would hurt me and get me to fuck off. If it was, she had succeeded to hurt me, but it would take a lot more for me to give Ems up. Katie had no idea just how much of her shit I was ready to take if it meant being with Emily in the end.

"Naoms?" I heard the redhead say.

I turned around to face her and noticed right away that she was slightly worried. I guess I was doing a shit job at hiding my conflicted emotions. I tried putting up a smile on my face and caught sight of Katie who was standing just behind Ems. She really looked like a power bitch in her black pencil skirt and fuchsia satin blouse. Of course she had matching white leopard print high heels and bracelets. As she adjusted her white suit jacket, Katie looked at her cellphone and smirked. When she locked her gaze with mine a second later, I felt myself shiver. If I knew Katie Fucking Fitch at all, and believe me I did, there was something she wasn't telling either Ems or me. The Callie stuff hadn't been her secret card, I was quite certain of it now. She cocked her eyebrow at me as if she was challenging me. I didn't like that look. I had the conviction that it meant nothing good at all.

I frowned and intended on asking Katie why exactly she was looking at me like that, but I didn't have the time. What came next was probably the worst case scenario I could have imagined. If I had been slightly troubled by Katie Fitch's rage, I knew it was nothing compared to how I was going to feel pretty soon.

There aren't many moments in our lives that we can honestly remember happening in slow motion. They say that either really good or really bad events can trigger this sensation. For example, I've always been told that, when you have a car accident, it's like time freezes and everything around you becomes suddenly silent. It's just like if your senses shut off for a second, except your sight, and your mind goes blank. You don't have time to be scared because there is no time anymore, not really. It doesn't matter anymore like it did before, right at that moment, nothing does. You can't even process what the people around you are doing. Are they screaming? Are they crying? You can't tell because really the only thing you had time to process before shutting down and the only thing that you can sort of feel as it's happening is: Is this it? Am I going to die?

I've never been in a car accident except for when I was run over and that's quite different. So I couldn't tell you if this actually happens, I don't know. What I do know though is that it's exactly how I felt as I saw one Jenna Fitch walk into the classroom. Her heels clicked on the concrete floor as she walked over to our merry little group and stopped abruptly as she caught sight of me. I've always considered myself to be a very proud, fearless and upfront woman, but as Jenna Fitch's glare was thrown upon me, I felt my face go strikingly white. I was afraid for a second that she was gonna throw her handbag in my direction. Her eyes became slits before she spoke.

"You!" she nearly vomited.

I was literally frozen in time and space, rendered completely speechless. I couldn't believe that that woman had the power of making me feel like a bloody sixteen year old all over again. I could still see her, eyes full of loathing, telling me to leave Emily alone and not to screw her up. I wondered if she was gonna verbally throw me out of the classroom this time too.

Not too surprisingly though, she didn't pursue what I'm sure would have been a lovely conversation between us, but instead, rounded on her redheaded daughter.

"Emily! What is this disgraceful girl doing here?"

"Mum, what are _you_ doing here?" asked Ems looking completely shell shocked.

I looked at Katie to see her grinning evilly. Fucking cunt! She had definitely known that Jenna was gonna show up, I was ready to bet 200 quid that she had invited her in the first place. This just _had_ to be her secret card! Fucking hell, even I had to admit, it was a good one.

"Katie invited me, but what is _she_ doing here"

Hurray, 200 quid for me. Emily looked back at her sister fuming.

"You could have fucking _told_ me mum was coming!" she bellowed.

"Slipped my mind" Katie replied shrugging.

But when Ems turned to face her mother again, Katie shot me a smile and I knew nothing of the sort had happened. Now I understood why she had played the all understanding sister with Emily. She had known Jenna was on her way and would blow a fucking fuse upon seeing me. People never gave her enough credit, Katie Fitch was a bloody genius when it came to being a bitch.

"Emily, answer my question now!" Jenna raged. "What is she doing in your classroom? I thought you hadn't kept in touch after College?"

"I hadn't! We ran into each other randomly!"

"Oh and you decided to just get chatting didn't you?"

"Yes!"

"What? Have you gone mad Emily? After what she did to you?"

"That's what I told her" chipped in Katie.

"Jesus! This is _my_ decision! It's got nothing to do with the _both_ of you!" exclaimed Emily who was now crimson.

"What about Callie? Does she know this?" Jenna asked.

"Ems hasn't told her yet" supplied Katie.

"Now you're keeping things from your fiancée?"

"I was _going_ to fucking tell her!"

"Language Emily! And you shouldn't even be in _her_ company!" Jenna said shooting me a dark look.

"What's it to you? I can be friends with who I want!"

"Oh please, you haven't seen that bitch for 6 years! 3 days don't make you guys friends! You were _never_ fucking friends" mocked Katie.

It was very admirable of Emily to try and fight off her mother and sister like that, but even I could tell she was beginning to lose it. Attacks were coming from every direction and I was just standing there doing nothing. I felt like I should be saying something, but at the same time I was afraid that I'd only make things worse. Also, it had to be said that Katie had a point. Emily and I had hardly ever been friends. We had never really talked and when we did, I already knew Ems was fancying me. Of course I had fancied her right back so the only period where we were _supposed_ to be just friends had just been a big lie.

"Well we are!" Emily said.

"Yes, we are friends" I decided to contribute.

If Katie and Jenna could have shot daggers with their glares, I think every single inch of my body would have been punctured. I only had eyes for Emily though as she gave me a faint sympathetic smile. She had appreciated me standing up for her, with her. I'm pretty sure that that's what helped me speak again.

"Emily and I are friends and we've done nothing wrong. You both have no right to have a go at her like that" I said sharply.

"And you have no fucking right to even speak to her you cunting fuck!" shot back Katie.

"Katie!" warned Ems.

"Do you have _any_ idea what you put her through?" Jenna asked me with venom.

"That is irrelevant!" shouted Emily before I had time to answer.

"Oh but it is! She hurt you! She doesn't deserve to speak to you! She proved at the age of 17 that she was nothing more than a low life parasite, rotten to the core!" Jenna explained.

That did hurt. I can't say Jenna Fitch ever liked me, even in my reality where I had fought for her daughter and been with her for 8 years. She had never really approved of me, but she had learned to respect me. She understood that even if she didn't particularly appreciate my person and my presence, I made her daughter happy and that was all that really mattered. And I had learned to respect the woman who had raised the love of my life. I had come to understand with the years that she only loved her daughter fiercely and wanted to protect her from any harm (even though she didn't know how to do that properly). We both had that in common. So I guess you can say that we had reached a silent understanding over this common ground. But this Jenna was different. This Jenna had only seen me hurt her daughter. And she hated me for it, like properly hated me. It hurt to see how much she despised me. I couldn't help but be gripped with the horrible realization that even if I did succeed to win Emily's heart back, I was a long way away from gaining Jenna's approval. If I could gain it at all that is.

"Don't speak of her like that!" Emily said.

"Have you heard yourself? Emily do you realize how much better off you are without her? Callie is a wonderful young lady, respectable. She has good morals and values."

"Mum, will you stop speaking like I'm dumping Callie for Naomi because I'm not! We are just friends and Naomi's right we've done nothing wrong"

"You should be focusing on the wedding love! That's what matters, your wedding to someone who is good enough for you!" Jenna continued.

I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I doubted Jenna had ever spoken of me like she was speaking of Callie, even in my reality. She obviously really loved her soon to be daughter-in-law. I felt my stomach churned uncomfortably and my throat squeeze as I remembered what Emily had actually said. She had quite easily thrown the fact that she had no intention with me other than friendship and that broke my heart.

"I am focusing on the wedding! That's nearly all you'll fucking talk about anyway!" spat the redhead.

"Well it's in 3 weeks Emily! It's important to make sure everything will be perfect!"

Wait what? Did Jenna just say 3 weeks? As in 21 days? I felt my heart hammering desperately in my chest and my breath hitch. This had to be wrong somehow because 3 weeks wasn't nearly enough time. I needed more time than that.

"I know the wedding is in 3 weeks, it's actually me that's getting married, remember? Besides, everything will be perfect mum, you planned the thing!" Emily replied.

Nope, not a mistake. The wedding was going to be in 3 weeks. I felt my shoulders fall and my whole body actually deflate.

"_Oh god, it's not enough time"_ I couldn't help but think.

How was I supposed to build a friendship and possibly a new relationship with Emily in 3 weeks? I felt my hands start shaking as I realized there was probably no way I was gonna successfully stop the wedding from happening. I felt my eyes fill up with tears and quickly clenched my teeth to try and hold them there. I couldn't fucking cry in front of Katie and Jenna. Especially since crying would completely give away my intentions. I needed Ems to believe I only wanted her friendship. I hated how much it felt like I was tricking her. I was disgusted with myself for doing something that could be regarded as even close to tricking her, but I needed to gain her trust back. I needed to show her who I was now and what I could be for her. I needed her to understand that I loved her more than anything and would never hurt her again. The weight of the task was overwhelming. Especially since I now knew I had 3 weeks to pull it off. Of course I guess I could have pursued Emily even after she got married, but that would make things so much more complicated and probably more difficult.

"I don't want you to speak to her Emily!" demanded Jenna.

"I'm not a kid anymore mum! You can't tell me what I can and cannot do"

"You may be an adult, but you will always be my little girl! And I'm telling you, this girl is no good, she's shown you her true self back in College. You shouldn't keep seeing her it'll only hurt you in the end"

"I agree with mum" Katie added.

I could see that Emily was completely exasperated. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a second, no doubt preparing herself to fight back again. This situation was so fucked up. I had never dreamed it would turn out that bad when I had decided to surprise Ems on her lunch period. Katie dropping in had been bad enough without Jenna being there as well. I guess this was easily one of the worse situations I had ever found myself into.

"_I don't think it could be any worse"_ I thought.

Of course, I had to fucking think that. I should have known right then, when this idea made its way to my brain, that I was gonna curse myself.

"Ems! Why are people shouting in your-"Came the voice of Callie Davies as she entered the classroom.

The brunette stopped dead in her tracks as she took in the scene in front of her. Her gaze fell on Emily, then Katie, then Jenna and then ended on me. She looked stunned for a second and then her features transformed into rage. She shot back another glance at Emily before turning around and leaving the classroom. The second she had disappeared, Emily was hot on her trail.

"Callie, wait!" she shouted sounding desperate.

I was left alone with the two evil Fitches in Emily's classroom. I tried following the redhead immediately and perhaps avoid my sweet company, but I wasn't so lucky. As I tried to walk pass Jenna, she forcefully grabbed my arm and shoved me into the nearest desk. The corner caught my ribs painfully.

"Don't you dare!" said Jenna before advancing on me.

She was rather tall and quite intimidating as she towered above me. Before I had any time to react, she had sprung back her arm and given me a powerful slap across the face. My cheek was burning in pain and I felt so disoriented that I had to grab the desk behind me to prevent myself from falling on my arse.

"Stay away from my daughter! You've screwed her up enough as it is!"

With that, Jenna turned on her heels and followed her redheaded daughter. I stared at the door for a few seconds, not sure what to do. Katie was still there, glaring at me, her arms folded. She took a few steps in my direction before stopping about a foot away from me.

"You stay the hell away from her Campbell, understand?" she told me boldly.

I'm pretty sure that Katie had intended for her words to scare me, but they only made me furious. I didn't care if she approved of me. I didn't care that she thought I should stay away from Emily. There was no way in hell it was gonna happen. Like I said, I loved the redhead too much to let anyone bully me into not seeing her. I strengthened myself and stood a bit closer to her. There were only a few inches between our two bodies now. I clenched my fist in fury.

"I will do whatever the fuck I want and so will Emily. Don't embarrass yourself by trying to control us Katie, we're not in middle school anymore." I spat.

In a flash, Katie's fist had collided with my left cheek and I was so stunned this time that I fell to the ground. I have to admit that my pride was hurt worse than my cheek at that moment. I couldn't believe that Katie Fitch had brought me down with one single punch. At least I could say (and my cheek could definitely count as an expert witness), that Katie could throw one hell of a punch. The brunette towered over me similarly to the way her mother had before her and said:

"I won't repeat this. You stay away from her, she's not fucking yours anymore and won't ever be again"

A few seconds later, Katie's form was disappearing from the classroom leaving me completely gob smacked with a rapidly swelling and bleeding cheek.

.

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**So much love from the Fitches :) What was most important to me here was to project a confident Emily. I mean she isn't the wet blanket she used to be in her younger years. So, have I managed? Was she upfront enough with her oh so understanding family? So yeah i know this chapter is a bit smaller than the last few ones, but I can already tell you that the next one is like... about twice this one's size. I should know I've already written it :P Anw, let me know what you thought as per usual! The only thing i'm wondering now is... will KFF get me to a 100 reviews :O You guys are all awesome :) Have a blasting rest of weekend if you've got any left ;) Cheers XX**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Wait what? That can't be right can it? Chapter 12? Already? But Miss Maraudeur said she'd only get it up for friday? No this MUST be a mistake. Alas, it isn't :) This is chapter 12 in all it's lenght. something like double the last one actually. :o ! I know I know I said something about friday, but well... I sat down to do some editing and... I quite liked it already :| So I decided to surprise you all with an extra early update! SURPRISE! You happy? Anw, like dear Hypes said to me in her review: If it's already written then I say get it up, love. So here you go Hypes. Hopefully this will provide you with your maximum pleasure now :P **

**I reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wanna say a huge thank you to everyone for reviewing the last chapter and getting me above the 100 review barrier :) You guys made my weekend with all your love! **

**LoveNAOMILY: It's okay if you don't understand Emily. Neither does Naomi. And since this is her POV... I don't explain Emily's take on things. So well, of course I know why she does the thing she does, being the writer and all, but it's rather normal if you don't :P**

**I'll let you read now. Chop chop :) **

**I guess there's an angst warning in there... Oh well**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins.**

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 12:

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I can't really say for how long I sat there, in the middle of the classroom, staring at the door and somehow hoping that Emily would walk right back in. What I do know though is that I had to pick myself up and do something. To be honest, I didn't really think Emily was going to come back anytime soon. The showdown with half of her family and her fiancée had only lasted about 15 minutes max, even though it felt like it had gone on for hours, so her lunch period wasn't ending for another 45 minutes.

I got up and walked straight out. The corridors were empty and no one stopped me from leaving the premises. Not that I had expected anyone to. Just like I had known yesterday that I needed to go to mum's, today, I knew instinctively that I had to go to the flat. I don't think my brain was capable of formulating any coherent thoughts. It was reeling frantically though, trying to make out a tiny bit of sense of this whole mess. Truth is I didn't know what to make of anything. The only constant though, was that my cheek was fucking killing me. I could feel some blood slide down the length of it as well. I tried wiping it with my arm, but I think I only managed to make it look worse. At least I think I did since the passersby were giving me awfully weird looks.

Soon enough I was at the flat, opening the front door forcefully. Effy was sitting sideways on the couch, her long legs stretched and a spliff between her lips. She was wearing some grey skinny jeans, a t-shirt with Jim Morrison on it, a bracelet made of a zipper and a black cardigan I was pretty sure had once belonged to Freddie. She gave me a curious look upon seeing me. I shrugged her off and made my way grumpily to the kitchen. I grabbed a bag of peas from the freezer and went back to the living room. Effy lifted her legs a bit as I crashed into the couch next to her. The next second, she had placed her legs into my lap. She was still eyeing me curiously. When she realized I wasn't going to answer her silent question, she dignified me with an actual verbal one.

"What happened to your face?" she said.

"Jenna and Katie Fitch is what happened to my fucking face" I shot back sullenly.

The brunette gave me a cryptic look and actually appeared to be a bit startled.

"You saw Katie?"

"Not sure if I saw her, but I sure as hell fucking felt her!" I replied pointing at my cheek.

Effy chuckled at my bad mood and that successfully calmed me down a bit. I really loved how my friend was never intimidated by my behavior no matter how rude it could be.

"How is she?" Effy continued.

"Oh she was marvelous really! She cried like a nutter when she saw me, said she had missed me so much she could hardly sleep at night. Never really meant to hit me, she just tripped and her fist connected with my face you know?" I said sarcastically.

"So what happened?" my friend said unfazed.

"I went to surprise Emily for lunch and then Katie showed up. Soon followed by dear Jenna and then of course Ems' fiancée."

"Well that sounds like a successful visit" the brunette answered while shooting me a smirk.

I rolled my eyes at her and we both felt silent for a moment. She then handed me the spliff silently. I took a slow drag and closed my eyes. I felt the smoke fill up my lungs instantly. I took another drag before handing Effy the spliff again and I could already feel my head swimming. You had to give it to her, Effy had really good quality drugs. I had wondered at first if I had been her provider, but ever since arriving in this reality, Effy had never once said anything of the sort. I really believed she got her own drugs without my help and would have felt way too dependent on me if it had been otherwise. And with the amount of drugs I saw her take every day, no wonder she had to work as a sodding prostitute to pay it all.

I closed my eyes again, trying to lose myself in the moment. My brain was all fuzzy and I was welcoming the feeling. I couldn't quite escape the usual thoughts of my redheaded lover though.

"Call her if it upsets you so much" Effy said after a while.

I opened my eyes and turned to look at her. She had laid her head on the arm of the couch and was humming calmly to herself, her eyes closed. I didn't know how she had figured that this was exactly what I was thinking about, but it was beyond me to try and figure it out. It was Effy Stonem after all, wasn't she meant to be all knowing? If alternate realities existed, she could just as well be a goddamn seer. That thought seemed overtly funny for my drugged up brain and I started giggling away. Ef joined in immediately and we both giggled like a pair of school girls. It took a while to calm us down as well. Jesus, this spliff was way too good. When we had calmed down, I reached into my pocket to retrieve my cellphone and quickly typed a message for Emily.

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_**From Naomi to Emily**_

_Real sorry about lunchtime. I hope everything is okay for you._

_Can we meet tomorrow? Goodnight. XXX Nai_

_._

By the time I was done, Effy was lighting up another spliff and was offering it to me.

"_What the hell"_ I mentally decided before taking it and taking a long drag.

We smoked in silence until there was nothing left but the cut. My brain was properly fucked by then and my body felt slightly numb. I couldn't really feel my fingertips and coherent thoughts were a foreign concept. It felt good to take a break. Emily hadn't replied to my text, but I was too stoned to care. Effy turned her brilliant blue gaze on me and said in the most casual and bored voice:

"Care to watch some shit telly?"

I smiled before nodding. Shit telly sounded just about perfect for now.

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The next morning, I woke up with a small headache and still no news from Emily. I didn't want to push her. I could understand that she needed some time off of me with all the drama my presence had caused her. Perhaps she was breaking up with Callie. Hum… Wishful thinking. I still wished she'd just talk to me though. I wanted to be able to be there for her you know? I wanted her to understand that she could trust me no matter what the situation. As I strolled out of bed, I noticed that Effy was already gone. I was well fucked if I knew where she had went, but she was definitely not in the flat. I tried texting Emily again, but she didn't answer. I even tried calling her figuring she might feel too guilty to ignore a call, but she hadn't answered either. I paced the flat a few times, watched a bit of telly, cleaned some shit that was laying around to try an occupy myself, but all I could think about was Emily. I hated how much she owned me. I hated how I couldn't stop thinking about her all the time. I had always felt rather silly that she had me wrapped around her little fingers like that. Of course, I knew she never intentionally wanted to control me and that was just how I felt. I had understood that a long time ago. Emily loved me for who I was, she always had. She loved that I was my own person. Or at least, my Emily had. The more I thought about it, the more I was afraid that this Emily might feel differently. I tried texting her and calling her again, but I was always met with the same result. Nothing.

After 3 days of this scenario, Effy had gone tired of my shit and had bollocked me into doing something more straight forward. Weirdly enough, Effy was barely ever home lately, but every time she was, I seemed to be pacing. The stressful attitude seemed bother her, which was saying something since Effy was always so aloof.

"Will you quit it?" she asked annoyed.

"Quit what? I'm just cleaning, nothing wrong with that is there?" I replied a bit too sharply to be believable.

"Honey you've been cleaning the same spot for over 15 minutes. You're hardly paying attention to what you're doing. So cut the bullshit out and stop it."

"Believe what you want, I'm just cleaning. I said stubbornly.

With an almighty eye roll and exasperated sight, my brunette friend had gotten up from the couch and walked over to me. Casually, she had slipped her hand in my jeans pocket and retrieved my cellphone. I have to admit I had no idea what she was doing, but I was used to Effy's mysterious ways so I just let her do it. She flipped it open and dialed a number. I frowned slightly and my heart leaped out of my chest when I saw the little name appear on the screen.

_Emily_

I tried to grab my phone back from Effy's clutches, but she held me off with her other arm. I think I must have been red in the face as I babbled at Effy to stop this right now. After a few seconds, I could tell that Emily hadn't answered and my friend caught her voicemail. Thankfully, she didn't leave one and handed me my phone back.

"What was that for?" I asked her forcefully.

"Well" Ef started slowly. "You've clearly been wondering for the past few hours if you should call her or not. Now it's done, the call is made. So can you _please_ stop pretending to clean and settle? You're giving me a headache."

I groaned in humiliation. Damn her, Effy Stonem, and her mysterious ways of knowing everything. Of course that's what I had been battling about in that brain of mine for quite some time. I mean it had been 3 days and Emily seemed no closer of contacting me. I didn't want to harass her, but I couldn't stop trying to reach her. I was terrified that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So I had gotten up that morning trying desperately to divert my thoughts by cleaning. But of course, like Effy had pointed out, it hadn't worked really well and I was left wondering if I should try to call her again or not. While I mulled over my thoughts, Effy had put on a pair of boots and a jacket. She made her way to the front door and before disappearing, she had said:

"You should stop being a pathetic wanker about this Nai. After all, if the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain."

Effy had disappeared for the rest of the night after that and I was left to delve in my thoughts some more. As much as I hated to admit it, my friend was right. I was being a bit of a pathetic wanker. I needed to take matters into my own hands. If Emily wouldn't come to me, I'd go to her.

So, the next day I decided to go to Emily's school again to try and confront her. I was well nervous as I reached her classroom. I had no idea really of what I wanted to tell to her. All I knew was that I had to talk to her or I would go completely nuts. I waited for class to be over and when the kids started leaving the classroom, I stepped inside with as much courage as I could muster.

I have to admit I was akin to shocked when I stepped in and saw that the lady who stood at the front of the class wiping the blackboard wasn't Emily. I stood awkwardly at the back of the class, waiting for the lady to turn around. When she did, I asked her politely if I was in Miss Ficth's class. She replied that I was indeed in the right class, but that Miss Fitch had taken a few days off do to a bad bit of flue. I thanked her for the information, but couldn't help frowning as I exited the classroom. I knew Ems enough to know that a flue wouldn't have prevented her to attend work. I mean Emily loved her job, like properly loved it. She had this passion about it that I had always found so fucking incredible. She loved teaching, it really was like a second nature to her. She had the natural talent for it as well. She could explain anything to anyone and make it the clearest thing you'd ever heard in your entire life. Also, it had to be said that she fucking loved children and she loved to be a part of their education and life. Emily wasn't a cynic like I was. She had proper faith in life and in humanity. She really believed that she could play her small role to make it all better. She just had it in her. She was sweet and kind and everything you could ever wish for. Teaching for her was barely something she could consider work. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have minded to do it for free and just laughed about the fact that she was actually paid to do it. So, for her, to be missing a few days of teaching was a big thing.

That evening I tried calling her again. My call went straight to voicemail. I frowned a little. She had obviously closed her cellphone. I wondered if this was a proof that she _was_ avoiding me. I mean I couldn't really tell. I think that's what I hated the most about the situation. Effy had wisely told me that night that that was probably due to the fact I had no control over anything and had never been able to stand that sort of thing. Of course I had only given her an eye roll as an answer. But I guess deep down I knew she was right.

I did have no control over this situation. I had tried everything in my power and still came out powerless. It drove me crazy, completely mind-blowingly nuts. That night, I couldn't sleep. As exhausted as I felt, I couldn't stop twisting and turning in my bed. I ended up getting up and making myself a cup of tea hoping it would soothe me. As I took a sip and felt the hot liquid slowly make its way from my throat to my stomach I wished real hard for it to have a numbing effect. I tried closing my eyes and taking slower breaths, but nothing worked. My heart was still hammering away in my ribcage so much so that I was feeling rather nauseous. To top it off, I was starting to develop a migraine. I sat on the couch catching my throbbing head in between my hands. I could feel my temples pulsing against my fingers. The truth of the matter is that it wasn't just about control. It just simply hurt. Well I say simply, but it wasn't simple at all. It was an excruciating kind of pain. My skin was cold as ice and I had the impression that every inch of it was extra sensitive. Like the smallest of touch would burn right through. My stomach was constantly clenched and breathing had become so hard that I felt sure my lungs were all clogged up. I knew that if I went to the hospital to complain about this they wouldn't be able to see anything wrong though. I knew these sensations were only a trick of my mind. Rationally I was very aware that I was making too much of a big deal over Emily's silent treatment, but emotionally I was wrecked. I felt like crying at any moment and I hadn't been able to eat anything in about 2 days.

I wanted it to stop, I felt so vulnerable. I felt like I was a bloody junkie that was trying to stop everything at once and was now suffering from inconceivable withdrawals symptoms. The next 3 days, I had tried going back to Emily's school. I had gone in the morning, at lunchtime and after school. Every time, I was faced with the same sup teacher I had seen the first day. She had asked me if I wanted to leave a message for Emily, but I had refused. I thought it would look a bit too pathetic and even if I hadn't I wouldn't have known what to say.

On Friday when I came home I quickly made my way to the bathroom and dry-heaved violently in front of the toilet. I had barely eaten anything all week so I guess there really was nothing there for me to vomit. I had continued calling Emily every single day and had sent her quite a number of texts. I had left her a voicemail to tell her to just tell me if she was alright. She hadn't answered that either. When my stomach had settled a little, I pushed my body slightly away from the toilet. I was feeling so weak that I didn't have the strength to move much more than that. So I just settled in the middle of the bathroom, laying my body on the cold white ceramic floor. I brought my knees to my chest and started crying silently. I stared in front of me at the white wall and felt my whole body start shivering. I bet I was quite a sight, but I really couldn't help myself.

I have no idea how long I stayed like that. All I know is that, eventually, Effy found me. When she opened the bathroom door, I couldn't even make the effort to look at her. She got down on her knees and tried to yank my arms away from my legs. Still, I couldn't move. Effy then laid down in front of me and locked her hypnotic blue gaze with my icy one. Gently, she placed one of her hand on my cheek and started tracing patterns with her thumb. We laid there for a few seconds in complete silence. I could feel my body start to relax the more I stared into my friend's eyes.

"It's okay babe" the brunette finally spoke quietly.

Without releasing the eye contact, she put grabbed my wrist firmly and tugged on it. This time, I felt my arms dislodge from around my legs and I stretched out of my fetal position. Effy then sat down and, as if I had been spellbound by her stare, I sat down as well. She got up and held my hands to help me up as well.

I wasn't crying anymore, but I was still shivering. I felt abnormally cold and abnormally numb. Effy then broke the eye contact and turned around to open the tap of the bath. She let it run and faced me again. Slowly and delicately, she grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up and off me. She then proceeded to unbutton my jeans and pulled them off my long legs carefully. I guess I should have felt weird about Effy undressing me like that, but she was being so entirely delicate about it that I didn't find the strength in me to mind. When I was standing in front of her completely naked, Effy grabbed my hand and helped me into the bath. She motioned me to sit down and I did so.

As soon as the warm water had hit my skin, I had started to feel a bit better. My friend sat next to me outside the bath and took the shower head and directed the water towards my body. We stayed like this for a long time, perhaps half an hour. At some point, Effy had gotten a soft washcloth and had washed my back, shoulders and legs.

"My mum used to do that to me when I was upset" whispered the brunette.

I nodded. Effy got up and went to get a big and thick looking white towel. She placed it on the closed lid of the toilet and told me to wrap myself up when I felt strong enough to get out. She left me then after whispering something about making soup. I took a few minutes to myself, wrapped my now thankfully warm body in the towel and made my way to the kitchen. I sat at the table and perhaps 10 minutes later, Effy had served me a bowl of soup that looked absolutely delicious. The smell of it made my mouth water in anticipation. Ef sat in front of me with her own bowl and we both ate hungrily. When we were done, the brunette grabbed both our bowls and came back to sit down in front of me. She reached her hand out from her side of the table and grabbed mine. She looked at me again and smirked.

"Naomi babes, we are going out tonight. No arguing"

I felt the corner of my lips twitch as I nodded. Effy's smirk transformed into a smile that I could only reciprocate. God it felt weird to smile though. The movement had become quite alien to me in the last few days. It was like my muscles needed to be reacquainted with the motion.

We had both retreated to her bedrooms to get ready and after pulling my towel off and getting into a pair of black and blue lace knickers and bra, I realized I had no clue what to wear. I dug into my wardrobe frantically, but nothing really seemed to please me. I must have been looking for what felt like hours when Effy casually walked in the room. She was wearing a long ripped black tank top through which you could easily see her black lacy bra. She had put on some tights with a pair of tiny black shorts that, I have to admit, hugged her ass marvelously. She had accessorized her outfit with a pair of black combat boots, several long gold necklaces, a studded black leather bracelet, some vibrant pink nail polish and a deep red lipstick.

The brunette threw a plastic bag on my bed and made her way to my wardrobe. Within minutes, she had retrieved a few items from it. She went back to my bed and sat down.

"Put it on" she then said while getting a thin silver metal case out of her bra.

She took a spliff out before placing the case back. Two seconds later, the spliff was lit and Effy was taking a long drag. I hadn't moved and was still staring at her.

"Well?" Effy said when she realized I hadn't started getting dressed. "Get on with it"

I shrugged and did as I was told. Let it be noted that it didn't happened often, but for once, I guess I could let that slide. I started by putting on a pair of blue jeans that was slightly ripped on the left knee. I looked for a t-shirt and when I couldn't find one, I looked at Effy expectantly. She raised her eyebrow and pointed at the plastic bag. I grabbed it and retrieved a black t-shirt from it. I held it in front of me and couldn't help laughing out loud when I saw the white print.

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_SHE DIED OF LOVE_

_._

"Nice touch Ef"

My friend smirked at me before shrugging.

"I thought it was fitting"

I nodded and threw the T-shirt over my head. I guess it was a slightly dark kind of humor, but I really couldn't help finding it funny considering the state in which Effy had found me this afternoon. Some people would have thought we were well fucked to be laughing about my breakdown, but for Effy and I, it seemed more natural to laugh it off, at least for tonight. I finished getting dressed with a silver waistcoat, a white belt and a pair of black and yellow Nike sneakers. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. Effy had been right about this outfit, I looked nice.

An hour later, Effy and I were stepping out of the flat into the cold streets of Bristol. I had let my friend finish my look off by putting on some dark eye shadow and eyeliner. She had just let my hair fall around my face casually into soft curls. We got to the club at about midnight and went straight in because Effy knew the bouncer. The first thing that overcame us as we stepped into the club was a wave of overwhelming heat. Jesus that place was hot and humid. Also, it smelled strongly of sweat and various perfumes. Effy and I had drunk half a bottle of Vodka and smoked another spliff while finishing getting ready at the flat so we didn't mind the heat or the smell too much.

Effy grabbed me by the hand to drag me towards a bar at the far end of the club. The place was so freaking full that we had to push our way with a bit of difficulty to get to the sodding bar. Once there though, Effy waved the barmen who placed eight shooters in front of us in no time. I eyed the shooters questionably. I had no idea what they contained, but they looked nasty. I shot a look at Effy and she just raised her eyebrow at me while taking one of the shooters. I shrugged and took my own. A minute later, we were done with them and making our way to the dance floor. My mind was a bit fuzzy from the alcohol and spliff and I have to admit the music was amazing. I couldn't make out what song it was, but I really loved it. The beat was fast and a bit eclectic and it made me want to move like there was no tomorrow. Effy dragged me to the middle of the crowded and we then starting dancing together to the music. It was nice to let go after such an awful week. As the thought struck me, I was immediately brought back to Emily. I felt my throat squeeze and cursed myself for thinking about her. This was supposed to be a night out to forget.

I was lost in my thoughts for a little moment when I felt a hand on my forearm. I looked up and saw that it was Effy's. I wasn't surprised to also see that there was already a muscular good looking bloke behind her trying desperately to get her attention. In that moment though, I could tell that Effy only cared about me. I tried to smile to reassure her, but I guess it must have looked rather shitty because she gave me a knowing smirk before digging into her bra and pulling out her metal case. A second later, she had retrieved a few red pills from it. She raised her eyebrow at me and I instantly understood what she meant by it. A part of my brain told me it might not be the best idea, but I felt so mingled and hurt over everything that I quickly shut it out. Next thing I knew, I was nodding at my friend and she was grinning mischievously at me. She stepped a bit closer to me, still dancing along the music. She then opened her mouth and placed one pill on her tongue. Without hesitation, I pressed my lips to hers, plunging my tongue into her mouth to retrieve the pill. A second later, the "kiss" was over and I had swallowed my pill. Effy had popped two in her mouth after that and had swallowed them too.

We continued to sway to the music, losing ourselves in the moment. Effy had started grinding against the bloke's crotch, but I could see that she was eyeing a petite girl a few feet away. I was dancing on my own after pushing off some spooky lad earlier. I couldn't wait for the effect of the pill to hit me. I had noticed a few girls eyeing me up and down, but I hadn't done anything about it. No matter how much I had drank, all I could see was red. Of course, the fact that the lights in this stupid club were bright red didn't specifically help me clearing my mind. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the beat and when I opened them again, I knew the pill had kicked in. All of a sudden, everything was nicer. The music wasn't just music anymore, but it felt like an essence. It was some kind of exhilarating invisible force that would wrap itself around me, taking control of my body as I completely lost my head. I could feel my heart beating and my blood pulsing to the beat of the music. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling, letting the music float around me and raise goose bumps along my arms and neck. When I opened my eyes again, I saw that Effy was smirking away at me. She was still dancing with that bloke, but I could notice that the petite brunette she had spotted earlier had gotten closer and was throwing her looks. I smiled goofily at Effy and she shot me a cock of her eyebrow.

I continued to lose myself on the dance floor, feeling more and more flustered as the seconds went by. Jesus, that pill had been something. About five minutes later, Effy had pushed off the confused looking bloke and had wrapped her arms around the petite's waist. They danced together, pressing their hips against each other. In no time at all, they were snogging aggressively. I could only laugh throwing my head back again. When I brought it down, I felt another wave of the drugs take effect. Fuck me this stuff was strong. I felt the tips of my fingers go numb at the same time as an electric current ran through my body. I felt a surge of energy build in the pit of my stomach and started laughing again. I laughed hard and loudly, throwing my arms in the air and closing my eyes. I felt like jumping and thrashing everywhere. Soon enough I realized that that energy I felt was euphoria. I felt fucking fantastic. I danced more than I had ever danced I think. When I opened my eyes, everything was swimming in front of me. I could hardly distinguish the mass of bodies intertwining and mixing before me. I could see a mix of colors blending in a perfect harmony and smiled stupidly. This feeling was awesome. I was convinced really that I was on top of the fucking world, that I could accomplish anything. I could feel bodies making contact with my own and I could definitely sense the sheer coat of their sweat mixing with my own, but I couldn't care less.

I was lost in my own little bubble of ecstasy when I spotted Effy's blue eyes staring at me. When I looked back at her, she gave me a really playful smirk and winked. I had no idea what she was on about until I felt a pair of hands snake their way around my waist and settle on my hips. I felt someone's front collide with my back as the person behind me slowly started swaying to the music with me. From the feel of breast on my back, I could tell that it was, at least, a woman who was trying to make a pass at me. For the first time since the drugs had taken effect, I felt my stomach drop a little. Shit fuck, as drugged up as I was, I still couldn't enjoy the feel of a woman who wasn't Emily. I was about to turn around and push the woman off when she lifted herself on her tiptoes and whispered in my ear:

"I _love_ the way you dance honey"

I felt my heart leave my chest and turned around quickly as I realized that that sentence had come from a painfully sexy husky voice. It just couldn't be though could it? It had to be my brain that was imagining this. When I turned, I felt my jaw drop as I took in the vibrant red hair, small button-nose, gorgeous brown eyes and sexy smirk of Emily. She just brought her hands behind my neck as she continued to dance sexily in front of me. I guess I was standing still for a few seconds because she then said:

"What's the matter babes? Don't feel like dancing?"

I shook my head and slid my own arms around her waist and rested my hands on her lower back, just an inch above her perfectly perky ass. I must have been smiling like a loon because my jaw was actually hurting. We danced together for a while and Ems buried her face in my neck. I felt my whole body shiver as I felt her warm breath on my neck. My redhead goddess chuckled in response. She casually brushed her fingers down my arms, making me shiver again before placing a hot wet kiss to my neck. I think my legs actually started shaking as Emily gently started sucking on my pulse point.

"Fucking hell" I muttered unable to stop myself.

Emily chuckled again before bringing her lips to my ear and asking me in that impossibly husky voice of hers:

"Do you want it babes?"

She then licked my earlobe slowly and I think that if she hadn't been holding me I might have crumbled to the floor into a big puddle of Naomi mess. But since she was still holding me, I didn't and nodded stupidly as she placed a wet kiss to my jawline. She then pushed herself away from me and dragged me by the hand in the other direction. I didn't even think about anything as I followed her blindly. I didn't even turn around to catch Ef's eye. At that moment, I couldn't care about anything else then Emily and how horny she was making me feel.

In no time at all, Ems had walked us surreptitiously to what looked like the VIP lounge. As there were a bit less people in that section, she maneuvered me more rapidly to a fancy looking washroom. She shoved me into it forcefully and locked the door behind her. The next thing I knew, Emily had squeezed me between her front and the small counter and she had crushed her lips against mine. I tugged her hips closer to me as she lost her fingers in my blonde locks. The feeling of her lips against mine was so overwhelmingly delightful that I let the sensations overtake me willingly. When her mouth opened a second later and I felt Emily's tongue brush against my lower lip before slipping into my own mouth, I let a load moan escape my lips. My stomach was twisting in an agonizingly wonderful way and I think I was starting to feel actually dizzy from all the excitement.

Emily pulled back from the kiss and started attacking my neck with warm sloppy kisses. She bit and sucked a bit on my pulse point and I swear that I was so turned on that I was convinced my knickers would be ruined from all the wetness that was pooling between my legs. I slipped my hands under her t-shirt and reveled in the delicate feel of her skin against my fingers. I felt her shiver as I snaked my hands higher up her back, gently tracing her spine. As the redhead started sucking on my earlobe, I caught the clasp of her bra and undid it quickly. Without even pausing to think, I removed both her shirt and bra in one swift movement.

As I stared at her naked torso, I was shocked to notice that Emily had gotten a tattoo. I ran my fingers over the Japanese cherry blossom tree that ran all the way to from her hip to her right breast. I think I lost myself in the delicate details and the pink flowers. I must have looked dazed because Emily gently tugged my chin upwards to meet her eyes. The only problem is that when I met Emily's eyes, they weren't brown anymore, but green. I must have done a double take as I tried to take a step back. I blinked a few times, trying desperately to adjust. My head was swimming more than ever and focusing was rather hard. When my sight did focus though, I could only make one conclusion. The girl that I had been desperately snogging wasn't Emily. Actually, I had no idea who she was. I was pretty sure we had never met before. I must have looked properly startled because the girl had a worried expression and tried to cup my cheek.

"What's the matter babes?" she asked in a sweet, but definitely not husky voice.

I brought my hands to my face and let my head drop. This couldn't be fucking happening. I had been kissing Emily. I had gone to a club washroom to shag Emily. It had to be her and not some random girl.

"Christ... Fucking cunting hell…" I muttered under my breath.

I lifted my hands again and allowed myself to look at the girl. She was petite and did have red flaming hair, but other than that, she looked nothing like Emily. I felt my heart stop and my throat become smaller at the disappointment. I could feel it creeping into every fiber of my body. It felt like the disappointment was some sort of crawling insect, agonizingly slowly making its way through my body. Like it was travelling my veins, but they were too small and it had to stretch it along as it went, making my skin simmer with the effort. Jesus, I was fucking tripping and tripping bad. I could feel the anxiety building as it hit me that I was in a washroom with a nearly naked woman who wasn't the one it should have been. I felt like bile was making its way up from my liver to my throat and would choke me at any minute. I started shivering and I could feel my skin getting all clammy and cold. The girl was wearing an even more worried expression and I realized I had to get out now. I pushed her off me as gently as I could manage and ran for the door while mumbling some bad apology. I guess I had scared her off though because she didn't even try to stop me or follow me. I had to fucking find Effy and get the hell out of this club.

I made my way clumsily to the dance floor where I had last seen my friend. I was relieved to see I could still function well enough to actually remember how to get there. When I did, I automatically spotted Ef snorting some shit on a girl's shoulder. Fucking hell that was anything but subtle. I then saw the girl (who wasn't the same petite I had seen Effy with earlier although she looked similar) place some green pill in her mouth and Effy kiss her forcefully. I frowned a little. This seemed like lots of drugs. I knew Effy could take more than an average person, but this was definitely a lot, even for her. I mean I had taken only one pill of hers and I was feeling pretty fucked and she had taken two and now she had snorted whatever shit she had and taken some other pill? That couldn't be healthy. I didn't want to mother her, but I was getting worried so I tried to make my way over to her a bit quicker. Unfortunately, my mind was still buzzing insanely and there were more people than ever on the dance floor. I kept an eye contact on my friend's form though. I knew that if I lost her in the throng of people I'd have a hard time finding her again. Luckily for me, she was too busy being pinned to the wall by the petite girl to move. The girl was sucking on her pulse point aggressively while Effy stood there, her eyes closed, looking like she was completely out of touch with reality. And with all the drugs she had in her body, I had no doubt that she _was_ completely out of touch. I pushed harder as bodies collided with me and some random hands tried to grab me. My eyes were set on Ef and I was determined on my goal.

When I was about 10 feet away from her, I noticed that my friend had opened her eyes and was staring intently at the crowd. She looked as pale as a ghost and her expression was one of complete shock. I frowned and tried to follow her gaze. That's when I saw him. Only, it couldn't be him. At about 3 feet away from Effy stood Freddie. Or at least some bloke that looked _just like_ him. He was just as tall and just as thin. He had old baggy blue jeans hanging down his arse casually and a black shirt with the sleeves bunched up at his elbows. He even had the same effortlessly messy black hair and darker skin tone. I blinked rapidly again trying to fix my focus, Freddie was dead for Christ sake, he couldn't be standing there. I mean I had just imagined Emily moments ago, I had to be imagining Freddie as well. Besides, the guy wasn't completely facing me so it's not like I was seeing him properly. I started moving again, trying to reach Effy before something blew up. If I knew my friend correctly, this was not good at all. This Effy hadn't dealt with Fred's death like mine had. I remembered how hard it had been for my Ef and how much she had freaked at first. I doubted that this version of her would be able to react calmly. I mean yeah she had been fucking replicas of Freds for a long time if what I had seen in the last few weeks were her normal behavior, but this guy, he wasn't like them. He wasn't just a shit replica of the one person Effy had truly deeply loved. I'm not sure if it was the drugs or an actual uncanny resemblance, but from what I could tell, that guy looked like Freddie's secret twin.

I was just about 5 feet away from my friend when she sprang into action. She pushed the girl off of her and started marching in the mysterious guy's direction. I tried to call out her name to make her stop, but she didn't hear me or if she had, she didn't stop, but kept on marching. She looked so fucking determined and so completely in awe of what was in front of her that it broke my heart. I knew Ef and that look that she was wearing was the one she always reserved just for Freds. It was probably akin to the one I always saved for Emily. After all, that's what had always brought us together, Effy and I, our total capacity to love more than a fucking planet, but our complete fright of that kind of love. Our hearts had the capacity to overflow with an astronomic amount of passionate, unfiltered love, but we always had been too scared to do anything about it. Until I had met Emily and Effy had met Freddie. I could only imagine the kind of pain my friend had suffered through when she had lost Freds. The sole thought of losing Ems had me in fucking hysterics; I just couldn't fathom what actually losing her would be like.

I had to stop Effy from reaching that guy, because I knew that if she did, she'd lose it. Because, let's face it, he just wasn't Freddie. As much alike as he looked, he couldn't be. Fred was dead. We had actually seen his body. We had been to his funeral. We had seen him lying lifeless in his coffin and it had broken all of our hearts. We had seen him be put to rest in the ground. So this guy, whoever he was, just couldn't be our lost friend. No one could ever be Freds, because Freds was gone and nothing would ever change that. I tried to push as hard as I could against the sweaty bodies, but I couldn't extricate myself from the mass before Effy was standing just behind fake-Fred and was tapping him on the shoulder. She looked so completely astonished and vulnerable as she waited for him to turn around. I could see the hope shining through in her magnificent blue orbs. I felt my breath hitch as I prepared for what was coming next.

The guy turned around and eyed Effy curiously. When I got a glimpse of his face, I realized that he looked nothing like Freddie. His eyes were brown, but much lighter and his nose was larger and shorter. He didn't have the delicate features that had made Freddie so handsome either. I pushed hard on some lad's shoulder to shove passed him and reach Effy. After eyeing her, fake-Fred gave Ef a cheeky grin. Obviously he didn't mind being approached by my friend. She on the other hand had furrowed her eyebrows slightly. I could see the confusion pouring out of her in tones. She hooked her hands behind the guy's neck and pulled him own onto her. She placed her lips for a second between his and I saw the guy grab her hips and try to kiss her back enthusiastically. The next second though, Effy had shoved him back hard and was shaking her head. I could see a mix of pain, uncertainty, anger and extreme sadness push each other around onto Effy's face. Another second after, the brunette was running among the crowd and then out of sight. I swore loudly as I lost her. I pushed the people next to me probably really hard in my anger as I saw a skinny girl fall to the ground. I couldn't care less though, because, at the moment, all that matter was finding Effy.

I finally got away from the main mass of people and started looking around myself frantically. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of my friend. I wasn't that lucky though. I made my way quickly to the bar at the far end of the club, but as soon as I reached it, I noticed she wasn't there. I walked back and went to every single bar in the club, but Effy was at none of them. I made my way to the roof of the building where the smoker area was, but she wasn't there either. My brain was feeling a bit better by then, but I still felt highly intoxicated and I could feel the anxiety building. I needed to find the brunette before she did anything stupid. I pushed people around a bit, trying to make sense of anything. My vision was still way too blurry for my liking. The music I had liked so much earlier now felt like a chaotic mess of sounds and noises that only made my brain throb painfully. I didn't enjoy it anymore. I felt like the beat was penetrating my skin without my consent, like it was violating me in a way. I combed every square inch of the club, but no matter how long or how hard I looked, I didn't find Effy anywhere. This could only mean one thing; my friend had left the premises.

I didn't hesitate an instant before leaving the damn place. It's not like I had any desire to stay anyway. The first thing I noticed when I stepped outside was that the temperature had dropped. It was much colder than when we had first arrived. I rubbed my arms energetically as my body started shivering. I was covered in a layer of sweat which made me even colder then I should have been. I could only imagine how freezing Effy had to be. She was wearing even less then I was after all. I looked around me at the dark streets. I think it had rained a little because everything seemed damped. The doorman was eyeing me curiously.

"Did you see a brunette come out moments ago?" I asked him trying to get a lead on where Effy could have gone.

"I don't know. I prefer blondes anyway" he told me cockily while shooting me an appreciative smirk.

I flipped him off before walking away. I walked slowly trying to keep my balance, straining my ear to hear something out of the ordinary. I squinted at the distance to distinguish anything, but I was completely alone in this dark street. I rounded a corner and heard a noise that seemed to come from a remote alley. I guess it was pretty stupid and reckless of me, but I didn't think twice before running towards the noise. I rounded the alley and held my breath before releasing it in relief as I spotted Effy a few feet away. The relief was short lived though. My friend was standing her back to some building holding her head between her hands and wailing like she had been cut or something. She was pulling on her hair and hitting the back of the head forcefully on the brick wall behind her. I had been temporarily frozen by the sight of her, but quickly ran to her. When I was only a feet away from her, Effy let herself slide down the length of the wall and sat in the mud.

I kneeled in front of her, not caring at all that we'd both be filthy afterwards. Effy still had her head and hair between her fingers and was rocking back and forth.

"Eff! Eff! EFFY! Effy I'm here it's okay, it's okay!" I tried to coax her to relax.

It didn't work though.

"FREDDIE, FREDDIE!" My friend yelled in a broken voice. "Freddie please!"

"Ef he's not here! Freddie can't be here"

"No he was! He is. He's following me everywhere! His voice is there I can hear it. It's in there" She said pointing desperately at her head.

When I didn't answer she continued.

"He's here Nai, he speaks to me in there. I want to be with him" she said punching her forehead this time.

"You can't Ef he's gone" I tried to say in my calmest voice.

"NO! FREDDIEE! FREDDIEEE! Come back please I love you! I love you!" she yelled even louder through her sobs.

She started banging her head again against the wall, but I grabbed her quickly and pulled her into my arms. She started trashing and screaming like a banshee, so much so that I had a hard time holding her still.

"Please Fred I need you! I need you with me. Come back. You promised we'd be together, you promised it would be okay! FREDDIE!"

"Shhh Shhhh, he's dead Ef, he's not coming back"

"He's not dead, he's in my head. He just needs to get out of there. Maybe if it breaks open then all the voices can get out Nai! They're stuck in there, but if it breaks open then they can come out. And then Freddie will be here again."

The brunette tried to shove me even harder. I didn't let go of her. I circled her shoulders with my arms and held on to my wrists tightly. Effy was punching my chest and it hurt like hell, but I couldn't let her go. I couldn't let her hurt herself. I had to believe she'd get better. I knew she was tripping and I knew that she could and would hurt me if she had the occasion. I mean she had bashed Katie's head with a rock once and I knew that she would never have done such a thing if she hadn't been completely drugged. So I held on tight and waited for her to calm down. I shushed her and rocked her calmly in my arms. Effy was still sobbing so hard that I wondered if she had time to breathe properly. She kept mumbling under her breath about "needing to get Freddie out". I also caught a lot of "I love you" and "I can't do this anymore". I closed my eyes and kept on muttering to my friend that everything was going to be okay. I'd place soft kisses to her hair, forehead and temple when I could. Eventually, I felt her calm down in my arms. I eased my grip a little and Effy just relaxed into my arms and pushed her head into the crook of my neck. I could still hear her sniffing, but she seemed to have a bit more control.

"I'm sorry" she said so softly that I nearly missed it.

I kissed her hair before saying:

"It's okay Ef, you have nothing to be sorry about"

"Everybody leaves Nai… In the end everybody leaves"

She sounded so utterly broken then that I felt myself choke a bit with emotion

"That's not true Ef"

"Yes it is. Everyone always leave. Tony promised he'd never go, but now I don't even know where he is. He couldn't wait to get out either. And then my parents fell apart. They both left me there to deal with myself. Freddie said he'd never leave. But now he's gone. He said he loved me. Panda was supposed to be there too, but she went to America. And Katie..." Effy stopped for a second. "Katie wanted nothing to do with me after. I know she blamed me for Fred's death and she hated me for it. She always hated me. I thought she could have loved me…"

"That's not true Ef, she didn't hate you, she never did. No one blamed you. It wasn't your fault Foster was a psychopath"

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It happened. Foster promised he'd stay, but he left as well. You don't get it Naomi. I'm a walking time bomb. One day I'll explode. Everybody knows that and when they realize it, they leave. Or they explode with me."

"I'm still here Ef and I'm not going anywhere"

"But that's not true is it Nai? You're already leaving"

"Effy I'm right here." I said getting confused.

My friend pushed on my shoulders to look into my eyes. She looked so completely lost, so empty. She shook her head gently.

"No you're not. You're here, but you're not here" she finished by placing her hand on my heart.

I frowned at her because I really didn't understand what she was on about. Did she mean like my heart wasn't here or something?

"But I am Ef. I _am_ right here" I argued placing one of my hands on top of hers.

The mysterious brunette shook her head again.

"You can't be here because you won't be empty anymore"

Now I was really confused.

"What do you mean Ef? I'm not sure I'm following you"

"You're empty like I'm empty. We both exist, but we don't. We are here together. We've been here together. But you're leaving Nai. You're filling this up. I can see it in your eyes. You can't be empty anymore because she's not gone anymore"

"Who isn't gone anymore Ef?"

"Emily of course" my friend answered me in a patient voice I'm sure she would have used with a particularly slow kid.

I didn't know what to say so I did the best thing in those circumstances, I said nothing.

"So you see Nai. You're leaving too. Everybody leaves. In the end, I'm all alone."

"Emily won't change anything Ef, I'll always be there with you"

"But you can't. You can't explode with me"

I wanted to argue, but Effy pushed a finger to my lips to shut me up. She shook her head and gave me a pleading look.

"Can we go home Nai?"

I nodded before getting up and helping Effy to her feet. I grabbed my friend by the waist as she slid her arm around my shoulders and we both left in search of a cab. I didn't know if Effy was gonna be okay, but I guess that for the moment, it would have to be enough.

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***Sort of hides behind something* Yes yes... No Emily... I know... 10 000 words and Emily didn't show her lovely face. What can I say? I can only apologize :P She was there in spirits though. And in Naomi's fantasy. And mine as well :P Soooo what did you think? Liked it at all? Please don't be shy to leave a review :) I enjoy them tremendously! It's always sooo interesting to hear your thoughts and see how you read into the story :) I love how insightful some of you are! Oh and the link below is to the picture of the tattoo that inspired me for Not-Emily's tattoo :P Check it out cuz it's nice. Also, quick reminder, you can check out my homepage for the polyvore for this storyyyy :) Cheers to you all! And have a great day! XXX**

**h t t p : / / www . flickr . com / photos / wickedrice / 2907961468 /**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So i've had a love/hate relationship with my phone this week! Hate because i was awoken several times in the middle of the night by an email alert. And then love because i'd see that the email was in fact a new review :D So yeah i really wanna thank all of you for the incredible love you keep showing this little story of mine :) It's more than appreciated I promise! You guys made me smile like a fucking loon! You really did! So I think the only way I could show you how much i appreciate the support was by updating :) Naturally. Isn't it awesome how i was supposed to be posting chp12 today but instead i'm posting chp13? :P So yeah, thank you so much to all of you. Really. **

**OH special thanks to the French reviewers and readers out there: Merci énormément pour la solidarité entre francophones ;) Ça me fait extrêmement plaisir de savoir que mon histoire vous plaît à vous aussi même si je n'écris pas en français! Je suis contente que personne ne m'ailles encore traité de traître ;) Donc pour entretenir cette belle relation je vous écris tout spécialement à vous, en français dans ma note d'auteur :D Milles fois merci XXX (On se fait la bise? pour les vrais français de France ;) ) **

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Skinsssss. **

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 13:

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The rest of the weekend was a bit peculiar to say the least. Effy and I hadn't gone out again. I didn't feel like partying and I think her breakdown had affected Ef more than she wanted to tell me. I didn't want to leave her side for too long but I could tell I was getting on her nerves. On Sunday, she had gotten pretty mad at me and had told me quite literally to fuck off.

"Fuck_ off_ Naomi!"

"I'm not going anywhere! Besides I live here as well!"

"You can always go to Gina's"

"Well I don't want to, okay?"

"Well I want you to leave me alone then. I'm not a fucking child!"

"I know that! Can't I spend some time with my best friend?"

"We're not spending time together Naomi, you're babysitting me"

"That's not true"

"Oh please Nai, don't think I don't know you! So cut the bullshit out yeah?"

I had been silent for a while.

"I'm worried about you" I had admitted.

"Well don't be"

"I can't help it"

"You could before, you will again" she had said curtly.

I had wanted to argue, but she had disappeared in her room after that and had put on some really loud music. Maybe half an hour later, she had a client knocking on our door. I was so mad at her that I had grabbed my leather jacket and a scarf and stormed out of the place. I didn't need to hear her fucking today. I walked to the park mum and I used to go to. I was feeling a bit confused and a lot like shit. Like shit because Emily wasn't talking to me anymore and I didn't know why and because my best mate was completely broken and believed everyone would abandon her in the end. I was confused because I was torn between the two wondering where to put my efforts. On the one side there was the love of my life who was getting married in 2 weeks now to someone who wasn't me and on the other there was my friend who was falling more and more into her own darkness. I loved them both and I wanted them both. I didn't know what to do. I guess I could have gone back to mum's to seek her advice, but I felt like I had been abusing her patience. I didn't have it in me to go to her again. I just couldn't. It was good enough that I had shared that much with her already.

I got to the park fairly quickly and easily made my way to the big rock. I climbed it before sitting on top of it. I stared into the distance for a while, my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket. I looked at the scenery, trying to empty my mind as much as possible, but I couldn't really. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and quickly lit a fag. I placed it between my lips and took a long drag. I smoked in silence for a while, lighting a second cigarette when the first one was done. I knew Effy wanted me to keep pursuing Emily. I knew she thought this was inevitable and that I couldn't _not _do it. I also knew that this was exactly the sort of thing Effy could do to try and keep my attention away from her. I didn't want to abandon her as she claimed I would. I would hate myself forever if I let anything happen to my best mate and my only friend here. I really was torn between the two of them and sadly, at the moment, none of them seemed to want anything to do with me.

As I lit up the third fag, I sighed deeply. I was conscious that no matter how long I would sit on this rock and smoke my way through my pack, it wouldn't change the dilemma I was in. It wouldn't change it, but I surely hoped it would make me feel less guilty about my decision. I think I was finishing my seventh fag when I finally accepted it. As much as I truly cared about Effy, she had been right. Emily was my ultimate everything. Being with her had to be inevitable. Or at least wanting to be with her was. Of course I wouldn't just abandon my friend, but I had to admit that I couldn't give her all my time if I wanted to be with the redhead. And I just couldn't go on without seeing Emily again. Also, there had been that nagging feeling that this was what I was supposed to do. I still understood nothing about alternate reality travels or whatever, but if I had watched enough sci-fi movies to have an opinion, I think I had to follow a kind of path or something. Anyway, I still sort of hoped that I'd somehow be granted to go back home if I completed … whatever I was meant to be completing. I went back home that night to and empty flat. I tried not to worry about Effy's whereabouts, but it was near impossible. I think it might have been 4a.m when my brain finally had enough and let me fall into an uneasy sleep.

The next day, Effy was still nowhere to be seen and I have to admit I was completely knackered. I had spent the whole night tossing and turning as my sleep was invaded by fucking nightmares. I couldn't remember anything quite clearly now, but I could recall some wild chase into what had looked awfully like sewers trying to reach a bleeding Effy that kept muttering the words "I can't do this anymore". I tried to focus my mind on the dream, but I couldn't remember how we had gotten in the sewers or how Effy had sustained her injuries. As always, I pushed the thoughts away and stepped into the shower. I took it cold enough that it would properly wake me up, but not too cold that it would freeze my insides. I then got dressed into some dark blue jeans and a long-sleeve hooded turquoise stripped shirt. I didn't want to linger in the flat so I just put on my grey Vans and grabbed my jacket and scarf and was out the door.

It was a fairly average day outside. The sky was covered in pale grey clouds and the air was rather cool. It wasn't raining, but I had no doubt it would later. It was a bit too early to go to Emily's school yet so I lit up a fag and started walking down the street quite nonchalantly. As bad as it might be that my smoking habit was coming back to me in full force, it felt fucking great to be able to relax somehow. I didn't really know what to do. I hadn't planned anything. I was just hoping that Ems would be at work this week. If she wasn't… well that would seriously depress me. But at the same time I knew she couldn't avoid the place forever. I was bound to bump into her sooner or later. I hated how much I felt like I was stalking her. As I flicked my fag in the distance, I decided to go to the one place where I knew Emily had once lived; her parent's house. Or at least ex-house before they had lost it to the bank. In my reality, they had been able to buy it back; perhaps it was the same here. I didn't feel like walking so I took a bus. Within a few minutes, I was on the corner of their street. I walked slowly, trying to keep an eye out to see if I could spot one of the Fitches. I didn't really fancy being spotted. My cheek was already recovering from my first encounter with them, I didn't need them to make it worse. When I was close enough from the Fitch household, I tried semi hiding behind some random car. I guess I had to look rather stupid, but I _really_ didn't fancy getting punched again.

I think I stayed there for about ten minutes when the front door finally opened. I hid myself a bit more behind the car as I saw the shape of a tall man coming out. I squinted a bit to see his face better. I wasn't sure if I knew him. I took in his appearance. He was pretty tall and quite muscular, wearing simple blue jeans that hung a bit on his ass and a really nice deep red t-shirt that said "make art not war" on the front. He also had a scarf and some black high top sneakers as well as a half sleeve tribal tattoo on his right bicep. He had short blonde hair that was coiffed like David Beckham (I had to snort at that. There were way too many boys in England that thought that having Beckham's haircut was the shit). He didn't look too old either. If I had had to guess I would have said maybe 19 or 20. When he turned around and I got a proper look at his face I realized that he was none other than James Fitch himself. And he was walking right to the car I was currently hiding behind.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath. "Shit shit shit"

I tried to find an escape to the really embarrassing situation I had gotten myself into, but couldn't find any. Obviously this was James' car and he would sooner or later see me. How was I supposed to explain this? I really looked completely mental crouched behind his car in front of his house like that. I took my pack of fags out of my pocket and dropped it to the ground. When James was close enough, I picked it up and sprung to my feet as casually as possible.

"There it is" I said lifting the pack in the air before pocketing the item again.

Upon seeing me, James had stopped in his tracks and was looking at me a bit surprised. I tried to play it cool.

"Sorry, dropped my fags under your car. Got them now so hum… I'll just be on my way"

I sort of hoped he wouldn't recognize me. Of course, he did.

"Naomi Campbell? Is that you?"

"Yes it is… Is this… Oh James Fitch! Wow… hadn't recognized you at first" I tried to lie.

James only smirked at me before chuckling. Of course. He didn't believe my lie one bit.

"Fancy seeing you here in front of my house Naomi. Been too long! I have to say you look just as mint as I remembered" he finished with a wink in my direction.

I had to fight the nearly uncontrollable urge to roll my eyes at his pathetic line. I think my fake smile had gone a bit crispier though. Two seconds later, James had crossed the few steps that separated us and had grabbed me into a bear hug. I couldn't help but notice he was fit as he crushed me to his chest. All those "naughty bar" years had paid off.

"Bit tight there James" I mumbled.

The boy chuckled again before letting me go. He looked me up and down very slowly before nodding appreciatively. God! Could he be more revolting? As a matter of fact, he could. As James stared hard at my tits, I succumbed to my natural urge of rolling my eyes and snapped my fingers in front of James' face.

"Oi Mate! Eyes are up here!"

James only laughed before snapping his eyes to mine.

"Sorry babes! Can't help myself, you're one fit bird I wouldn't mind getting acquainted with. Your tits are just mouth watering!"

I rolled my eyes again before crossing my arms over my chest.

"Anyway, what are you doing stalking my house?" the boy said with as much tact as a bulldozer.

"I wasn't stalking!" I defended. "Just walking by and I dropped my fags!"

"Right. Course you were. So, still batting for the muff muncher team? Cause if you're not, we should definitely go to it. You should know that I'm a fantastic shag!"

"That has got to be the boldest proposition I've ever been made… Actually no. Cook was even more vulgar" I said.

"I always thought Cook's chat-up lines were sort of classics. Anyway, you didn't answer my question. Wanna hop in with me" James continued pointing at his car. "My back seat would be definitely pleased to have you come on it"

"Fucking hell James! There is no way we're shagging, yeah? For Christ sake I dated your sister! Don't you find that a bit weird?"

"Not really" the blond replied shrugging. "Emsy always had great taste in woman. Like that Callie bird? Magnificent pair of tits she's got and her ass is just so… hum... Wouldn't kick her out of my bed if you know what I mean"

I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes for a second.

"Anyway, if you're not here to shag me, which is really too bad because babes I could have brought you to places you've never been…"

"I doubt that" I mumbled as the boy went on.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh you know…" I started.

I don't know why, but suddenly, I couldn't lie to him. James gave me a knowing look. He didn't look like he pitied me though and for that I was really grateful.

"Emily isn't here if you wanna know"

"Right" I said nodding slowly.

"Katie is though, she still lives with us"

"Oh" I said looking at the windows a bit more worried now.

"She's out at the moment though. So don't worry"

I looked back at James. When had he become a mind reader? Or perhaps when did my face become so blatantly open to my thoughts?

"So, have you and Emily been doing the nasties behind her fiancée's back then?"

"No we fucking haven't!"

"Geez keep your knickers on, I was only asking!"

"Right…"

"Was that Katie's or mum's doing?" he asked pointing at my cheek.

"Probably a bit of both actually" I said earnestly. "You've heard the whole story?"

"Rather hard not to! That's all they fucking talked about for a few days. Mum dragged Emily here on the weekend to bollock her about it too."

"Oh… How… How was she?" I asked concern probably showing on my face.

"Not too great actually. It had been a while since I had seen Ems look so beat. She didn't argue with mum or anything. She just let her yell at her and all. It was weird really cause Ems hasn't put up with mum's shit since she was like 17"

"Yeah…" I said sighing. "It's probably my fault"

"Nan, mum's just a bitch" stated the younger Fitch casually.

I laughed a little at that.

"I really wish I could argue with you on that. Unfortunately, my cheek won't allow me"

James laughed along with me before we felt silent again.

"Do you know where I can find Emily?" I asked.

"Probably at Park View. She said she'd be going back this week"

"Great, thanks James"

"No problem"

"I'm sorry. I seem to cause lots of drama in your family"

"You sure do" the boy smiled. "But life would be boring without some drama once in a while" he finished with a wink.

I couldn't help but smile sincerely at the blond. I was surprised, but pleased to see that not every Fitch hated my guts.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go." I said.

"Want a ride somewhere?" James offered while gesturing at his car.

"No thanks. It's really nice of you, but I'm afraid I you were caught in my company your mum might disinherit you"

"Probably actually" the boy said while chuckling.

I nodded at the boy before turning around to go back from where I had come.

"Hey Naomi!" James shouted after a few seconds.

I stopped, turned around and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Callie's tits are well mint, but I like yours better. And he hasn't said so, but I reckon dad thinks so too" James said grinning widely.

My face erupted into a huge smile and I laughed good-heartedly. I nodded at him again before continuing my way. James Fitch would always be a little pervy bastard, but at least he was on my team. As I made my way to the bus stop, I realized I was glad I had stalked the Fitch household and had run into the boy. Sure he had tried to get into my knickers, but that was hardly new. In fact, even my reality's James Fitch would try once in a while to get me "back to cocks" as he always said so sweetly. At least, he had given me the confidence that if Emily and I were to get back together, he and Rob would support us.

I rode the bus as close to Park View as I could before disembarking. While I walked to the now infamous school, my heart started racing more and more. I have to admit that I was terribly nervous. Somehow I was even more nervous than I had been at any other times last week when I had come round. I guess it was because I knew that Emily would be there today. I mean James had said so and he had spent the weekend with her. When I reached the parking lot, I scanned it and instantly spotted the black equinox I had so longed to see the previous week. Now that it was there though, I felt like the biggest wuss in the history of wusses. I felt my hands start shaking and I couldn't control them. I really hated this reality where everything was so out of my control all the time.

I made my way to Emily's car and leaned on her door. I tried to look as effortlessly cool and relaxed as I could, but I somehow doubted I looked like anything other than a completely petrified little girl. I know I was fidgeting as I waited impatiently for Emily to arrive. I tried rehearsing some kind of speech to tell her because I didn't trust myself to improvise. If I knew myself properly, my mind would most probably go completely blank once my eyes locked with hers. My attempts at making up a speech were entirely fruitless so I decided to try and figure some key questions instead. I guess I could ask her how she was… Well could I? It was a rather dumb question to ask no? I mean last time I had seen her she had been accused by her mum and sister of cheating on her fiancée then said fiancée had walked in and out on her and from what James had told me she had had a shit weekend. She probably was feeling shite and asking her would be a bit twatish of me. But then again what else was I supposed to say? "How are you" sort of is the international conversation starter. Jesus! My brain was rambling worse than fucking JJ out of meds!

I was still insulting my brain when I spotted a petite redhead in the distance. I automatically stood up straighter at the sight. My heart rate had picked up an even faster beat. I could feel it crushing my ribcage in its delirious frenzy. I think my palms actually got a bit sweaty as I waited for Emily to walk over to me. Upon seeing me, Ems had slowed down her pace, but she hadn't stopped. She knew that she couldn't avoid me since I was leaning on her car, but I think she didn't really want to see me either. As horrible as I felt, I still took the time to admire her beauty. She was a knee length grey skirt with a soft cotton white vest top. She was also wearing a long black trench coat and black flats with bows in the front. Her hair was falling loosely around her face and I could see that she was wearing black feather earrings. She looked stunning although I have to admit that the angry scowl on her face wasn't helping her looks. I was even more terrified. She walked all the way to her car and stopped about two feet in front me. She looked me in the eyes and said nothing. I stood there, waiting for her to say something growing even more nervous which each passing second she remained silent. When a minute had passed and she was still silent, I felt obliged to say something.

"Hi"

Very lame, I know.

"Hi. Can you move out of my way now please?" replied Emily curtly.

I felt a ripple of pain shot right through my body at her harsh words and tone. I knew she had been avoiding me, but I had hoped she wouldn't be mad at me. After all, I hadn't done anything bad to her had I?

"Emily I-"

"Don't!" she cut me off.

I shut up instantaneously feeling my features fall. I tried to control my face, but I knew I had the most apologetic expression on. It couldn't help it. I was a bit relieved when I saw Emily's hard face softened just a little.

"Please Naomi, let me go okay?" she asked in a neutral voice.

"I will. I mean, I want to. It's just… Why have you been ignoring me?"

"I haven't I was just busy" she said and I knew right there that it was a lie.

That hurt as hell. I hated that Emily had just lied to me. I hated that she hadn't cared enough to bother with the truth.

"You're lying to me. You've never lied to me." I said hearing my voice shake.

I cleared my throat to get rid of the goddamn shakiness, but I guess I was a bit late. Emily had heard it and was looking a bit shaken.

"I was just worried about you. I'm sorry. I didn't realize… I thought… I thought you had enjoyed seeing me again." I said in a still annoyingly weak voice.

Emily just kept staring at me and didn't say anything. I felt my heart break a bit more.

"And now I'm just being pathetic." I said closing my eyes.

I was still met with silence. It killed me that I was so weak, that the redhead had such power over me. It killed me that I couldn't just fuck off and leave her there and not care. It's kind of ironic how my 17 year old self would have been happy of that development. She would have gladly taken the excuse to leave and run away from her feelings, but I couldn't do it anymore. Now that I knew what a life with Emily felt like, there was no turning back. That's what I'd want for as long as I breathed. Also, I needed to know what I had done wrong. As far as I could tell, I had been nothing but friendly to her. I didn't understand why she had defended our friendship to her mum and sister and now just wanted me to leave. And I guess some masochistic part of me needed to hear her actually say that she never wanted to see me again. I needed to know how she could not care about me in the way I did about her too. I clenched my teeth again and took a deep breath willing my brain to take some hold on my voice. When I spoke again, I was thankfully a bit more composed.

"I understand you don't want to see me now, but, Emily, please have the decency to tell me what the fuck I did wrong"

The redhead still didn't say anything, but I could see she was fighting harder to keep her face stoic. Emily had always worn her heart on her sleeve and I knew she'd crack eventually. It gave me a bit more courage to continue and endure some more silent treatment.

"Ems I don't get it. We did nothing wrong. You've said it yourself! You were always going to tell Callie about the coffees, yeah?"

Silence

"So what's the problem then?"

Silence

"I know your mother said some harsh things to you, but since when have you listened to her?"

Silence

"I understand that your fiancée wasn't pleased to see me, but it's none of her business is it?"

More silence

"Ems, please just talk to me… How can I know what's wrong if you won't talk to me?"

Silence, but I could see her slightly twitching. I was getting there.

"Emily I'm your friend here. I only want to help"

And that did it.

"Yeah? You want to help? Then _fuck off_!"

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me!"

"There's nothing to fucking say! Just leave me alone!"

"You can scream at me, punch me even if it makes you feel better, but I'm not going anywhere!"

"Why the fucking hell not? You had no problem fucking off in College?" the redhead sneered at me.

"Well we're not in College anymore, are we? So you're fucking stuck with me until you just tell me why you're mad at me" I shot back ignoring the jibe even though her words had felt like a stab right to my heart.

"I'm not mad at you"

"Oh clearly! You're just dandy aren't you?"

"Drop the fucking sarcasm Naomi!"

"I'll drop the sarcasm when you stop fucking lying to me!"

The redhead stood silent for a minute. She looked properly seething, but I could also see a hint of fragility to her expression. I didn't know why she was like that, why she was mad, but I could tell it wasn't completely genuine. If I knew my Emily at all, she was hiding something else behind her angry words and demeanor. I was instantly worried and changed my tone to a much softer one that I deemed more appropriate.

"Ems… What's wrong? Please… Say something"

Maybe it was because she had recognized my words, but Emily's eyes shot to mine in a second. I could tell that I had cracked her completely now. Her deep chocolate brown eyes that were usually so full of love and passion and were always so comforting were laced with pain and unshed tears. I wanted nothing else but to grab her in my arms and kiss her pain away, but obviously she wouldn't have let me. I did get a bit closer to her though and got courageous enough to cup her face delicately in my hands. At my touch, I could see new emotions swimming in my love's eyes, emotions like fear and confusion. It killed me to see that, but it killed me even more not to know why she was hurting like that. My worry must have shown all over my face, but I couldn't care less.

"Ems…" I whispered so low I wondered if she had actually heard me.

Apparently she had though because she then replied:

"Why are you doing this Naomi?"

Her voice was terribly husky as she said those words. I couldn't appreciate the sexiness of it as usual though because it was also shaking.

"Doing what?"

"This… Talking to me, pretending you care"

"I'm not pretending Ems, I _do_ care"

The redhead took a step back and I wondered if it was to avoid the physical contact between us. I felt like my hands were vibrating with the loss of her soft cheeks between my palms. I was itching all over to touch her again. I couldn't stand to see her looking so small, so vulnerable, so defeated and just stand there at a distance, doing nothing.

"How can you?"

"What do you mean how? I don't know how. I just do"

"We haven't seen each other in 6 years Naomi! How can you _just_ care like that? Clearly you didn't care before-"

"I always cared!" I cut her off. "I know I was a twat okay? And I'm sorry, but I always cared. I told you all about it Ems! I meant every word I said to you back at the pub"

The redhead was silent for a moment. She was chewing furiously on her bottom lip as if she was mulling things over in that beautiful head of hers. I wanted to pull it away from her teeth because damaging those infinitely luscious lips of hers had to be illegal.

"Why now? Why are you "reconnecting" with me now?" she asked.

I just shrugged before saying:

"I just ran into you now"

Emily frowned and I knew I had to explain better. I tried channeling my special self-analytical powers again to give her an answer that was as honest as it could be.

"Emily you have to understand that for me you were gone. I had lost you. I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And then… and then there you were"

_And then I realized just how much I fucking love you and how I just couldn't live without you. _But I couldn't tell her that. Emily sighed loudly. She ran her fingers through her hair before shuffling her feet and looking at the ground for a few seconds.

"It's just… So _convenient_ you know?" she said after a while sounding tired.

_No I don't fucking know! _ I wanted to yell because she had absolutely no idea how not convenient this was. She was getting married for fuck's sake! How could this ever be convenient? Convenient wasn't even part of this fucking reality! I just furrowed my eyebrows at her in confusion though.

"I mean… You just got arrested and then… well it turns out the arresting officer is my fiancée and then all of sudden you want to be chums again. It's all so fucking _convenient_!"

"What are you trying to say Emily?" I asked my voice getting cold.

"It's just… Are you doing this, all of this with me and you being friends and all, are you doing it to get back at Callie for arresting you? Is this like a fucking mind game to you?"

I saw red and not in a nice way. I was beyond furious. I don't think there are words strong enough to convey how fucking livid I was. My heart was beating loudly in my ears and all I could hear was the sound of my blood boiling. I clenched my fists to convince myself not to move and I had to clench my teeth really hard to not explode right there. I inhaled slowly, trying to calm down, but it wasn't working. I wanted to fucking tear something apart. Not Emily though, never Emily. Because, let's be honest here, this retarded idea couldn't have come from Ems. She knew me better than that. I had _explained_ to her what my life without her had been. Even if it had been 6 years since College, she _knew_ me. She knew me to the core, more than anyone I knew (except perhaps Gina). She knew I would _never_ use her like that. She had to know that and I had to know who the fuck had put that idea into her head. I think the redhead saw just how mad I was because I hadn't said a word and she was already looking a bit sheepish.

"I'm so sorry I have to ask Naomi, but I just don't know what to think anymore." she said truthfully.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I had to calm down. I really didn't want to yell at Emily. As much as I despised that she had to ask, it wouldn't change the fact that she had.

"I wanted to see you because I feel better when you're around" I started. "I've said it before, but I think you might have forgotten. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person. It's as simple as that."

"Maybe at 17, but we're not kids anymore Nai…"

"Age won't ever change that. I thought you knew that"

"Naomi… I need to know… what are your intentions with me?" Emily asked without meeting my eyes.

I felt like my heart had truly well stopped. Jesus! I couldn't tell her that! I knew that opening my heart to her now would only scare her. She didn't trust me enough to hear what I wanted desperately to say to her. I didn't think she'd understand that despite the fact that I so obviously wanted to be with her as in an actual relationship, I also just needed to be in her life. So I tried to formulate the most truthful answer I could without giving too much away.

"I just wanted to see you. To have coffee."

"But what do you want now?"

"Can't I just want that? Some time with you and a coffee?"

"But to what purposes?"

"Jesus Ems! What does it matter?"

"It matters because I'm engaged Naomi okay! I'm fucking engaged!"

"I know that!"

"But do you realize it?"

I could only frown at her question because I wasn't even sure I understood what she meant.

"You can't just barge into my life like that and expect me to be completely okay with it…" she tried to explain softly.

"I… I'm sorry" I muttered pathetically looking at the ground.

"Don't be… I'm sorry." Emily said sighing. "I'm sorry I'm having a go at you like that, it's just been a hard week last week is all. And I've had all these people telling me all this shit about you… I'm confused Naoms."

I guess I should have asked confused about what, but all I could think about was:

"What shit?"

"Mum, Katie and Callie think you're playing with me. They think you're trying to win me back or something to get back at Callie for arresting you. And I… I don't think that's true. The idea that you'd do something so awful to me breaks my heart actually."

We were silent for a moment. I was torn between being furious with Callie and the Fitch bitches for spreading so much hateful lies about me and between being happy that, at least, Emily hadn't thought much of it. I was also feeling a bit guilty because, yeah I didn't want to win Emily's heart to get back at her fiancée, but I did want to win it if I could.

"They said-" Emily started before stopping and clearing her throat. "They said you had shown how little you respected me at the age of 17 when you cheated on me, lied about it and then threw me out of your flat."

I replied nothing. I wanted to tell Ems how sorry I was for those things, but I knew "sorry" wouldn't cut it, wouldn't even come fucking close to cutting it. So I looked at Emily with as much regret as I could muster. I tried to pour my heart out into my eyes. I wanted her to _feel_ how sorry I was. The redhead gave me a sad smile before relaxing a little.

"I couldn't believe that either. You hurt me Naomi, you really did and I can't lie about that, but I never thought it was because you didn't respect me."

"Thank you" I whispered. "I don't fucking deserve it"

"There's a but though" she added.

I nodded to will her to continue.

"But their little speeches left me wondering and I've realized I didn't know what your intentions were. And I need to know Naomi, I really do. I think you owe me at least that"

"I just want to spent time with you, to have some place in your life" I said trying to smile at her.

Emily eyed me for a second before saying:

"I'm engaged. You understand that? I'm getting married in two weeks"

"I get it" I said nodding some more.

"And I love her Nai… I really love her. I _want_ to marry her. I'm not being forced. This is what I want. I'm happy."

I only nodded this time. God this was hurting. I couldn't say a word because if I did, I knew I'd be choking up on my tears only seconds after. I don't think there's any sane way to react to having your heart broken and your hopes trampled. I wanted nothing but to cry out and rip my own heart out of my chest because this pain was unbelievably and ridiculously painful. Again, I guess I could have fucked off, but I needed her. I had meant what I had said to my mum a week or so ago, I needed Emily in my life no matter in which role.

"Why don't we ever talk about Callie?" the redhead said, cutting my train of thoughts.

"Haven't had time yet" I tried to say in a casualness I didn't feel one bit.

"Can we talk about her?" Emily asked looking a bit doubtful.

"Of course we can" I said in my best fake honesty.

My beautiful redhead paused to observe me then. I willed my face to cooperate and look as happy as it could. I think I must have passed the test though because the next second, Emily had muttered an "okay then" and had closed the distance between us, bringing her arms around my neck and puling me into her into a hug. I tried to swallow the overflow of emotions that came through me as I hugged the only person I had ever truly loved. I worked hard to keep the tears at bay as it dawned on me more and more that I had fucking lost her. I couldn't quite think about that. I knew I'd have to eventually, but now, I just wanted to bask in the moment. I wanted to bask into the feel of Emily in my arms and in her smell surrounding me and filling my senses. I was feeling completely crushed, crushed because it felt like all the hope was gone. And then Emily did something I hadn't expected.

She lifted her lips to my ears and whispered so softly that a part of me wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming:

"When I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person too."

And just like that, a new hope was born.

.

**Ah! Did I get you? Did I? Were you completely crushed like Naomi? Did you think I'd leave you with such a bitter taste? Nahhh I'm nicer then that come on! Next one will probably have a format a bit different than the others... And I can already tell you it's gonna be a big one. Words wise and story wise :) Ohhh and just wanna say that i think i've angered the Gods out there with all this angst :S So in revenge they fucked with my weekend. If you'd reviewed that'd make my life sooooo much better :) It really would. Thanks folks! Lots of love to you all! XXX**

**Miss**


	14. Chapter 14

**Oh you guys! So much love i got over the weekend it's incredible! I have to tell you... I can't hide it anymore.. I love you! *blush* No, I really do! I love you guys for all the lovely words and support and the enthusiasm you're showing for this story! As you know, it's my first Skins fiction and I was a bit nervous and wary of publishing it at all at first! I'm very shy about stuff like that since it's so very personal. In the end I figured I could try... And the response I've gotten really is overwhelming :) I'm really happy you guys are enjoying this! And I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love! The reviews the favs the alerts, they all made my sleep deprived weekend worth it! **

**So I figured the only way of showing some appreciation was by updating :) So here is chp 14 and it's a big one! Also, should make you happy since it's filled with Naomily :) **

**A slightly different style of writing here. Dunno how well it will work with the story… Sort of wanted to create a countdown feeling? Still not sure if I like it mind you… So I'm even less certain of how you guys will feel! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins.**

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 14:

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After we had talked, Emily had had to go back to her place. She explained that Callie was expecting her and would come charging if she was late. I resented her fiancée just a tad more for it, but Emily had promised to spend some time with me the next day so I felt better.

"You know my mum actually wanted me to get a restraining order against you?" Emily had said before leaving.

My eyes had widened at her comment and the redhead had laughed at my expression.

"You're not serious! She hates me that much?"

"Well… She sort of does." Emily had said before brushing my bruised cheek with her fingers. "I really wish they hadn't hurt you like that"

"It's okay. I'm used to it" I had shrugged only caring about Emily's touch against my skin.

"I think mum's a bit ashamed of herself though"

"Well, good!"

"Katie on the other hand only bragged about how she knocked you down with only one punch" Emily had continued obviously teasing me.

"Yeah well… she caught me by surprise" I had said to defend my honor a little.

"Course she did"

Emily had been smirking, probably trying desperately not to laugh at my dejected face.

"That's it Fitch, have a laugh" I had said grumpily. "I take a hit for you from your relatives and all you can do is laugh? Sheesh and here I was thinking you cared"

Emily had laughed throatily and I hadn't been able to stop an incoming smile to tug at my lips. She really was the most beautiful woman I had ever had the good fortune to meet, especially when she laughed and smiled like that. She had then brushed my bruise again with her thumb before stepping on her tip-toes and kissing my cheek softly where I had been cut. The feeling of her lips had left my skin tingling and an enormous smile had been plastered onto my face.

"There, better?" She had asked mischievously.

"Much"

And with that she had left promising me again to meet tomorrow after her classes.

I returned home feeling a bit lighter, but still too heavy to be completely okay. It had to be said, Emily was confusing me beyond what I could have ever imagined. I felt like one minute she was being all nice and friendly and the next she was ignoring me or yelling at me. I didn't really know what to expect of this "new beginning" if I could even call it that. I didn't know how long it would last and if this was a stalemate or an actual brand new start. I didn't even know what I ought to do anymore either. Should I focus on staying friends or should I pursue my original plan to win her heart? Urgh! This was too confusing for my mental health! Or whatever was left of it really, because with this insane situation there wasn't much left, let me tell you that.

As I walked home and lighted myself a fag, I felt a wave of calm engulf me. I was thinking too much into this, I realized. Yes the wedding was in two weeks, yes Emily had told me that she wanted to get married, but I couldn't continue obsession over that. I couldn't keep planning all this like it was some sort of game because it wasn't. This was real life. I owed Emily more respect than that. She didn't deserve that I play with her life like that. I'd have to see how things developed and take them as they came. Maybe this wasn't my reality so it didn't feel as real for me, but as far as everyone else was concerned, this was the _only_ reality that existed. Of course, I _did_ believe I had a chance with Ems though. Okay so yeah she had ignored me on purpose for a week, but so what? Yes it had caused me a mother load of pain, but I couldn't even blame her now that I knew what had motivated it. I guess I could sort of understand why she had shunned me in the first place. If I was honest, in her place, I would have avoided myself too. I mean her loved ones had warned her against me and as sad as it was, she had no reason to trust me over them. Not in this reality anyway. She had had the kindness to give me the benefit of the doubt upon seeing me, but I knew I had broken her trust ages ago and trust is never a simple thing to recover. I was just glad she was willing to let me show her I was worth it now.

It really was immensely ironic that I had to pursue her like that though. If I was honest with myself, I didn't have it that much harder than Ems had had it in middle school and than College. Okay so maybe Ems hadn't had to fight off a fiancée, but she had had to fight off my stubbornness and that just _had_ to be even worse. I guess it was one of the main reasons why I couldn't give up now. Emily had fought for us. She had been smart enough to see beyond my bitchy and icy exterior and brave enough to actually reach out for me. I had behaved like a real wanker towards her. I mean I had given her mean looks or told her snarky comments at first. Then, when she had nonetheless maintained her interest in me (God knows why!) and had had the balls to just kiss me, I had ignored her afterwards. When I had finally been completely unable to stop myself and had kissed her by the lake, everything had changed between us. I still remember the first time Emily and I made love like it was yesterday. I had always thought that sex was something you did to sort of release a need you know? Well, it was that, but, with Emily, it was so much more. When I touched her and she touched me, I felt like we were making some magic happen. The fireworks and burning passion were all real with us. Oh I know I sound impossibly sappy right now, but I swear I mean it. From that moment on, I understood that the reason why I couldn't get the girl out of my head was because I actually loved her. I had known right then and there that Emily Fitch would be the death of me. I had known that every little inch of my body was completely infatuated with love for the little redhead. I mean I had been completely unable to get her out of my head since the first day I had laid my eyes on her. How was I supposed to stop myself from loving her completely now that I knew how her lips felt against mine and how soft her skin felt under my eager fingertips? So yeah I knew right then that I was screwed and that nothing could ever make me forget how bad I had it for Emily, how deeply in my veins my love for her seemed to run. But what had I done to prove it? I had fucking ran away! I had left her there, in the middle of the woods lying on a blanket. Yeah she had caught me leaving and instead of just crying and pleading what had she done? She had called me out on my bullshit and had dared me to stay. She had laid her heart right there in front of me, but still I had refused her. And when I had gone back to her, she had taken me. And when I had needed to hide our love, she had let me. Emily had waited for me to catch up to her for ages. And when I had but still fucked it up by cheating on her, she had had the courage to let me prove her how sorry I was. Emily Fitch had been brave for 2 years. Actually, brave barely covered what she had been. She had fought my nature alone with little to no support and she had fucking won in the end. I was all mouth, but she was for real. That tiny girl had more guts than any person I had ever met. I guess I always knew that. Just as Emily had always known I was nicer than what I wanted people to believe, I had always known she wasn't just a shy little girl hiding behind her bullying sister.

So I owed it to her, I really did. I owed her to be brave. I had promised her once that I'd do anything for her and I was willing to prove it to her in any fucking reality. Yeah, this life was unsettling, yeah it was bloody confusing and I had had my fair share of pain in the pass few weeks. So what? Emily had been brave for me for 2 whole fucking years and she certainly had had to deal with heartache along the way. But she hadn't given up, hadn't stopped fighting for us. I could be brave for her as well. I wanted to be. I wasn't 17 anymore. I wasn't a scared little girl that was so petrified to be hurt that she couldn't let anyone get close to her heart. And even if I had been, Emily had affected me deeper already. There really was no turning back for me.

When I got home Effy wasn't there. I hadn't really expected her to be to be honest. It sent chills to my bones though. I went to bed that night wondering whether she was alright and whether she'd be avoiding me now. I tossed and turned as I doubted my decision to go back to Emily. Path or no path, Effy was my best mate and I knew she needed me. I fell into a restless sleep that night to say the least.

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The next day was Tuesday and I was meeting Emily at 4h30. I had wished to see Ef in the morning, but of course, I hadn't had such luck. I had tried texting her and calling her, but my friend had remained as mute as a grave. Great. I had gotten dressed pretty early with a simple pair of jeans, a deep red long sleeve shirt, black sneakers and a brown checkered scarf and had then decided to walk around Bristol to find my friend. At 4h00 after having literally walked into every single bar and pub of Bristol, I had had to admit that I was defeated and settled to meet Emily. When I got to her school, she was already waiting for me looking as cute as ever in a pair of black jeans, a blue checkered blouse, grey flats and a bright yellow handbag. When she saw me, the redhead granted me with her usual earth-stopping smile.

"Hi!" she said as I made my way to her.

"Hi" I replied smiling goofily at her.

I wished I could have been, I don't know, a bit more suave, but I swear I have no control over my brain when Emily Fitch is in the vicinity.

"Any idea what you wanna do?" she asked.

"Not really I figured we'd wing it" I replied shrugging.

At my words, Emily's smile grew into a playful grin.

"Well I know _exactly_ where we're gonna go then!" she said looking way too excited.

"Why am I not reassured by this?"

"Because you're gonna hate every single second of it!" Emily chipped in happily.

I gulped slowly and hoped she was wrong. 15 minutes later, as I stood in the Cabot Circus center in front of that particular place, I knew that Emily had been 100% right.

_Jungle Rumble Adventure Golf_

"You're shitting me Ems…" I said looking at the bright green and orange sign with a grimace.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun! I used to come here all the time with Katie, James, mum and dad! We always had so much fun"

"Were you six?"

"No I was fourteen the last time I came! And even Katie had fun even though she already pretended she didn't cause it wasn't cool enough anymore"

"May I remind you that you're twenty-four?"

"Oh come on Campbell! Quit being a moody cow! It'll be _fun_"

I snorted and gave her a doubtful look, but she looked so completely ecstatic about this that I nodded after sighing forcefully. After paying the ridiculous price of £7 each we were given some golf clubs and a ball each. I was again reminded that this was a children's place when I was handed a bright yellow ball and Ems a bright orange one. I couldn't help, but sulk a little. I had never enjoyed miniature golf, even as a kid. Mum had tried to bring me once, but I had complained so much that we had left after 4 holes only. Emily on the other hand was actually skipping from place to place. She was so completely bubbling with happiness that I couldn't sulk for too long. It had to be said, she was probably the cutest person on earth and I was a damn lucky woman to be able to witness it.

Halfway through the stupid courses among temple ruins, scary jungle and tikki huts, it had became clear to me that there was no way on earth I was gonna win this. I was absolute shite at miniature golf. Either I hit the bloody ball too hard and it would go off the course or I'd hit it totally wrong and it would go in the opposite direction. Emily was having the laugh of her life making fun of my valiant effort and my constant bout of swearing that would get me reproachful looks from nearby families. I had also discovered that Ems was quite good at this. She had successfully gotten every single course in either two or three shots. A lot better then my six, seven or eight shots.

"Well well Campbell" she said after I had missed the freaking hole yet _again_. "You're not that skillful with a stick and balls. You definitely outta stick to something else"

I shot her an annoyed look as she just winked at me with a cheeky smirk. I tried to remain as straight faced as I could, but I had a real hard time controlling my lips. She just looked so happy and so free that I wanted nothing more than to laugh and smile with her. And possibly kiss her senseless. Wishful thinking.

After about an hour and a half of more painful miniature golf, we were out of the place and Ems had beaten me by a margin of 20. Let's just say I had left my pride at Jungle Rumble. I was in a bit of a foul mood after that (what? I hate losing okay?), but the redhead had succeeded to cheer me up a bit by distracting me with random chatter. As we talked about her day at school, I found it was easy to forget all the drama that had gone on during the last few days when I was with Emily. Truth is, with her smell surrounding me like that, there wasn't much I wouldn't forget. At around 7h30, my redhead goddess had to leave so I walked her to her car.

"So, Callie doesn't mind us hanging out then?" I asked her curiously.

I had been wondering all night actually. Somehow I had a really hard time believing her fiancée was fine with it. Emily shrugged before saying:

"She doesn't love it, but she knows it's my decision. She keeps warning me to be careful though"

I simply nodded.

"Mum and Katie have a bigger problem than Callie does about it though"

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah! Katie thinks I've gone mental" Emily finished with a laugh.

I smiled at her in response and we changed the subject after that. Once at the car, Emily hugged me swiftly and we parted ways.

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On Wednesday, Emily and I hadn't planned to see each other. I got a text from her though at around noon asking me if I wanted to have lunch with her the next day. I accepted readily telling her I'd bring her the wraps she hadn't been able to try the last time. I spent the rest of the day waiting for Effy to show up at the flat, but she never did.

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On Thursday at lunch, I arrived a bit early with the wraps, some pastries and a thermos full of freshly brewed tea. Of course I had brewed Ems favorite brand and she didn't fail to notice. The wraps were also a big success. Emily ate so fast that it was a real wonder she hadn't choked on it.

"What was it you said about eating normally?" I asked her teasingly.

"Shove it up your tits Campbell, my eating is fine!"

"Yes it is Moby Dick!"

"Don't call me that!" She exclaimed offended as I snorted into my tea at her bemused expression.

"Or what?" I challenged her.

The next thing I knew, Ems had sprung to her feet and dashed to her blackboard. Two seconds later, she was throwing small pieces of chalk in my direction. I dived behind the desk I was sitting on, clumsily knocking my knee on the corner as I did. The redhead chuckled evilly as I whined a little. Every time I tried to dock out of my hiding place, Ems would throw me some more chalk. As I checked for to see if the coast was clear, I received a bit of chalk right in the middle of my forehead. It rebounded high in the air and landed directly in my tea. Emily laughed so hard at that that she doubled over clutching her sides.

"Why you little!" I exclaimed jumping out from behind the desk and quickly grabbing one of the pastry I had brought.

As I marched confidently towards Ems with the pastry in my hand, the redhead caught on to my plan and started running away from me.

"No! Nai don't!"

"Oh yes Fitch, you've been asking for it!"

We ran around the classroom like kids, laughing loudly. I threw some cream in Ems' direction and she yelped. We were circling each other around her desk, both grinning from ear to ear.

"You're never gonna catch me Campbell! I may be little, but for your information I'm quite fast!"

"We'll see about that"

I winked at her before jumping onto her desk and appearing right in front of her. Emily hadn't expected that move so she was a bit late to react. It gave me the time to grab her arm with my free hand and shove her as gently as I could against the wall. I squeezed her between my body and the wall and brought the pastry to her face. Emily was giggling wildly while trying to move away from my assault. Her hands had found my hips and were gripping me tightly while pushing on them to free herself. I have to admit I was a bit distracted by the sudden closeness with the redhead. I gazed at her for a few seconds, the pastry in my hand completely forgotten. Our eyes locked and I felt her stop her movements as well. I had missed gazing into her eyes at such a close distance. I could still remember everything about them. As I looked into her orbs, I got reacquainted with every little detail I had loved so much. I could see clearly how the contour of her pupil was slightly darker then the rest of her iris. I could also see the little streak of darker brown all around her pupil making her orb look like a dazzling sun. There really was something about her eyes that had always appeased me.

After a few seconds, I snapped out of my daze and shove the pastry playfully onto Emily's face. I was careful not to put any on her clothes though because I knew she had a class to teach in the afternoon. The moment the cream had been splayed all over her face, Ems had started moving again and this time, I let her escape my grasp.

"Bitch" she muttered teasingly while whipping away some of the cream that covered her face.

It wasn't long after that that I had to leave and Emily was walking me to the main door of the school. This time, her goodbye hug was a bit longer and a bit tighter. I smiled all the way home.

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On Friday, Emily had plans for lunch with her mother and Katie and she had a sort of reception at Callie's work to attend after. We had texted each other a bit, but nothing of importance. I was still glad that she took the time to contact me. I felt like we were making some real progress. Effy was still nowhere to be found.

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On Saturday, Emily and Callie had meetings with the caterers and other stuff like that. Of course that meant Jenna and Katie were there as well since they were their wedding planner. I had been informed that the wedding was to take place the next Sunday. I have to admit I cringed a little at the information. Emily had texted me quite regularly throughout the day. Apparently, Katie was being a pain as per usual and making a fuss about the choice of hors-d'oeuvre or whatever. Emily had had to talk her into calming down before she murdered the chief caterer. I stayed at the flat all morning, waiting to see Effy, but she didn't show. I tried calling her again, but she didn't answer. I had gone to a few bars in hope of finding her in the evening but it was to no avail.

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On Sunday, Emily had cleaning around her flat and errands to do and her evening consisted of a famous Fitch family dinner. I hadn't heard much from Emily during the day and I was starting to be really annoyed about Effy's avoidance of me when my mum called me to invite me over for dinner. I accepted since I had nothing better to do. At 5 p.m, I texted Effy to tell her that if she didn't contact me before the next day at the same hour, I'd file in a missing person report at the nearest police station. I didn't want to be a bitch, but I hadn't seen my friend in a week. I was sure though that she was fine since I had noticed some stuff moving around in apartment. If anything, Ef made sure to drop by every time I was out. It bothered me that she would put so much effort into avoiding me.

The evening at mum's was quiet. The dinner was nice and Kieran had been entertaining me with some new facts about Greece's economic difficulties and its impact on the Euro-union. It must have been about 8 p.m and we were all gathered around some really boring telly show with a cuppa when my cell phone started ringing. I pulled it out and answered straight away expecting it to be Effy.

"Finally you fucking cow" I answered jokingly.

"_Well hello to you too"_ replied the amused voice of Emily.

I choked on the sip of tea I had been taking and quickly looked at the caller ID .

_Emily _

Right. Of course it had to be Emily and I just _had_ to make a complete tit of myself.

"Hey Hi! Sorry, I thought it was Effy" I apologized.

"_Yeah? You've been expecting her call?"_

"Sort of. She hasn't talked to me all week"

"_That's strange. She alright?"_

"I dunno… I don't think so, but then again, it's Ef so…"

"_Yeah… Well I should hang up then… Make sure you don't miss her call"_

"No!" I exclaimed a bit too fast. "I mean, you don't have to, it's fine really"

"_You sure?"_

"Yes! So, what's up? I thought you were at your parents'"

"_I am! I can't stand them anymore! Mum won't stop talking about the wedding and dad won't stop talking about the gym. And James and Katie aren't much better! They respectively only talk about fit birds and blokes"_

"Hummm, sounds well entertaining!" I provided sarcastically.

"_I'm dying of boredom!"_

I chuckled at her words and Emily laughed along with me. Mum was shooting me a curious look but I waved her off. When she started smirking knowingly I got up and walked to the back garden. I didn't need to have a conversation with Ems in front of my mum if I could avoid it.

"_So? What's your evening like?"_

"Nothing much really. I'm at my mum's, she invited me for dinner"

"_Ah I see! So you're having a family dinner as well! Well I'm sure yours was much better than mine. Say hi to Gina for me will you?"_

"I will"

"_How has she been? I miss her"_

"She's good and I'm fairly certain she misses you too. Actually, you could come over pretty much anytime you'd want and she'd be really pleased"

"_You think?"_

"I know she would. Trust me"

"_Fine then, maybe I will"_

"Good"

We were silent for a few seconds before Emily spoke again.

"_So I was wondering… Are you doing anything tomorrow?"_

"Nope, why? Do you want to do something?"

"_Yeah! Well, actually I have the day off. I figured we could do something. Callie's working so…"_

"That'd be nice"

"_Yeah? Good then. That's settled"_ Emily said and I swore I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah" I replied smiling myself.

We made arrangements to meet the next day and started talking again when I had heard the distinct voice of Katie in the background.

"_Ems what the fuck are you doing?"_

"_Shit sorry, gotta run!"_

"Alright, see you tomorrow then"

"_Yeah! See you tomorrow!"_

I went back to the living room after that feeling rather cheerful. I didn't miss my mum's curious eyes, but I didn't tell her anything. I didn't need to anyway. I was certain she knew perfectly well who had been on the phone. I decided to sleep at my mum's that night and was quite pleased to fall into a deep and peaceful lumber.

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On Monday morning, I woke up with a starving stomach and a text from Effy.

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_**From Effy to Naomi**_

_No need for the Coppers. _

_Keep your knickers on._

_I'm still well and breathing._

_._

I had a bit of time before meeting Emily, so after grabbing a piece of toast I made my way to the flat in hope of seeing Effy. I was disappointed though when I got there and entered an empty flat. I shot back a reply at Effy demanding her to see her at least at some point during the week. I wasn't sure if she'd reply though. With her track record of the week, I'd have to say it was pretty unlikely. Sighing loudly, I tried to rid my mind of worries for my friend and just hopped in the shower and changed. I wanted to bring Emily to my rock today, so I had decided to wear jeans, with a nice red football t-shirt and a warm black coat. I threw on a pair of grey high tops sneakers and went to the kitchen to make some tea to bring along. When I was ready, I left the flat. I still had a bit of time ahead of me so I made my way to a local shop I knew. As I had gone to bed last night, an idea had struck me. At risk of sounding a bit conceited, it was a genius idea as well. I arrived at the little boutique and went inside confidently. 20 minutes later, I was walking to the place's parking lot with two helmets and a set of keys in hands. I grinned when I stopped in front of an orange Vespa.

Yep, I had decided to rent a moped for the day. The boutique I had gone to was the type of tourist thing that didn't require much paper work and allowed day rentals. The guy at the desk had eyed me a bit weirdly when I had insisted on getting an orange vehicle, but he had relented nonetheless.

I tied the extra helmet to the back seat and sat on the moped. I didn't really enjoy driving these things, but it was well worth it for the face I knew Emily was bound to make when I'd meet her. Incidentally, we had agreed to meet at her school even if she had a day off since it was halfway between our flats. I kicked in the engine and left promptly to surprise my redhead beauty.

15 minutes later, I was rounding the corner of Park View parking lot and driving towards a black Equinox. The first thing I noticed was Emily's appearance. She was well cute in her skinny maroon jeans and long sleeve grey and aqua sweatshirt. The second thing I noticed was that she had tied her hair into a ponytail and had pined back her fringe as well. The third thing was that she was wearing a pair of black aviators sunglasses that just looked perfect perched on her little button nose. And finally, the fourth thing I noticed was her completely gobsmacked expression as I drove the moped towards her. Emily lifted her sunglasses on the top of her head and I was really glad she did because I was able to see the sparkle in her eyes as I stopped in front of her.

"Oh my god! It's b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!" she exclaimed dragging out the word when I had stopped.

I chuckled at her amazed expression.

"I thought you were too old to like mopeds Ems" I teased her.

"Oh shut up Naoms!"

I just laughed at her while the redhead got closer to the Vespa. She brushed the front lovingly with her fingertips and at that moment I would have given anything to _be_ the moped. I recovered quickly though and untied the extra helmet before extending it to her.

"Hop on then" I said throwing in a wink for good measures.

Emily didn't need telling twice. Only a few seconds later, she had sat down behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I loved how she hadn't hesitated a second before doing it. The contact definitely made me feel giddy tough. I started the engine and was off just after. As I took my first turn, I felt Ems body move slightly behind me. The second after, she had gripped my waist a little bit tighter to secure herself more safely on the moped. I can't describe properly how wonderful it felt to drive in the surprisingly sunny streets of Bristol with Emily clinging to me like that. The wind was bursting through our hair effortlessly and I could hear Emily giggle like a school girl behind me. I couldn't help but grin stupidly as I reveled in this perfect moment. I have to admit I actually took a detour to the park to be able to enjoy the ride a tad longer.

We did eventually make it to the park though. I leaded Emily to my favorite big rock and we sat down on top of it. The redhead had brought some sandwiches and dug them out of her purse. We ate in silence. It was a comfortable one tough. For a few minutes, I was able to forget I wasn't home. As I looked at Emily's bright red hair gleaming in the sun and her content smile as she munched on her sandwich, I felt my heart tug with a happiness it hadn't felt for weeks now. It was in moments like these that made you realize that you had all you ever wanted. In these moments where Emily and I could just be complete in each other's company, I knew that it had to be the only thing that mattered. I didn't want to sound too full of myself, but I couldn't see how the redhead could live with someone else then I. Not because I believed I was just that awesome, but because surely this feeling I was feeling could only be mutual. I couldn't see how Emily could not see it. It made no sense at all. We had always had this easiness about us, this force of attraction that defeated all laws of physics. We _had_ to be bloody soul mates. We really had to. I hated the word and its corny references, but I didn't know any better one to describe us. I think we were a new word all on our own. Yeah, that had to be it. We were "we".

After a moment, Ems noticed I was staring at her and looked at me. I was afraid for a second she would be weirded out, but she gave me the most heart stopping smile I could even imagine. To say it reached her eyes would have been an understatement. It didn't just reach them, her eyes were properly sparkling with all kinds of wonders. When I just continued my staring, because, really, I couldn't look away, Emily shoved me playfully with her shoulders before blushing furiously. She looked even more beautiful to me with the pink tinge on her cheeks and ears. Emily went back to her quiet contemplation of the scenery and started throwing pieces of bread at some passing birds.

We spent all afternoon like that, either in complete silence or talking about random things. She told me about some childhood memories (that I had heard before, but didn't mind hearing again. I have said before that Emily's voice is like music to me. I will stand by that statement) and I told her about my time with mum on this rock. She told me about her future and the dreams she had. She told me about the places she wanted to visit and the things she wanted to accomplish. I listened to her attentively. The more she talked, the more I loved her. It was good to reconnect with the smart and daring woman I had been in a relationship with in my own reality. It was good to see she was still there, somewhere on the inside. My heart fluttered with joy as I noticed she hardly ever mentioned of Callie when speaking of her future. I couldn't help but hope it was a sign. Surely a woman more in love and about to get married would speak about her fiancée all the time? Especially when speaking of the future.

When the evening came, I let Emily drive us back to Park View. I don't think I could have made her any happier. In the parking lot, we hoped off the moped and took off our helmets. I tied Emily's back on the Vespa and dropped mine on the seat before facing the redhead again. By now the sun had came down a bit so Ems had shoved her sunglasses inside her purse. I gave her a tentative smile and she just threw her arms around my neck bringing me closer into a bear hug. I held onto her waist tightly never really wanting to let her go. I felt Emily take a big breath into my neck before pulling away slightly. Her arms were still around my neck, but she was looking at me directly in the eyes now. I gulped slowly taking in her gorgeous features. I really don't think it was possible for me to love her more than I did. I stared hard into her chestnut orbs, willing myself not to look down at her luscious lips. It was really hard work, let me tell you that. After a few seconds of contemplating, I couldn't hold it anymore and shot a quick glance at Emily's lips. Oh god! They were looking so utterly kissable right now that it was killing me. They were bright pink, a bit swollen and moist. I would have gladly died in that instant if it meant I could have just one kiss from Emily. When I looked back up into her eyes, I could see that her face was a bit more flushed. Perhaps I could try to kiss her? Today had been totally perfect after all. We had been so entirely peaceful around each other that the redhead had to have noticed. Maybe our closeness was unsettling her just as much as it was unsettling me. I shot another look at her lips and noticed that they were slightly parted. It really did feel like a kind of invitation. I moved my head a fraction closer to hers and I noticed that Ems' eyes had closed just a little bit. I decided to stop thinking right then and went to close the gap between us when a cell phone started ringing loudly.

A second later, Emily had jumped back and was shoving her hand inside her purse. Retrieving the ringing cell phone, she answered shyly. I groaned mentally at the disruption. Fucking hell! I was sure that if that bloody phone hadn't rung, I would have kissed Emily. I was pretty confident that Ems was aware of that fact as well since her voice sounded nervous and I could see that her cheeks and ears were bright red. After hanging up, Emily just awkwardly waved me goodbye and jumped in her car and drove away. I was mentally murdering the person who had called as I hoped back onto the moped and drove it back to the shop.

I didn't get any message from Emily that night.

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On Tuesday, I woke up with a text from Emily and felt my heart start beating properly again. She was apologizing for the quick departure from the day before and told me she'd be regretfully busy until Friday. I felt my throat constrict at the thought. Friday? I felt like I was coming to the end of my lifeline. I'd see Ems on Friday and then what? Then it was her wedding weekend. I had already been informed that her hen party was to take place on Saturday in some posh club. Of course, I wasn't invited since Katie had planned the thing. Then it would be Sunday and after that Emily would be a married woman.

The rest of the day went by way too slowly for my liking. Effy had yet to show her face at the flat. Ems was texting me sporadically and I couldn't stop thinking about how little time I had left before the love of my life got married to someone else. I went jogging to try to ease my mind and it worked for a bit, but not long enough.

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On Wednesday, Emily surprised me by calling me on her lunch break. We talked for the whole hour and I felt considerably lighter after. It had been nice to talk to the redhead and just have a laugh. She seemed to be in a good mood and not nervous at all considering her upcoming wedding. We didn't discuss it. We never really discussed her relationship when we talked despite what Ems had said about wanting to tell me about Callie. Quite frankly I wasn't going to push her either. That night, I saw Effy for the first time in nearly two weeks. She looked as gaunt and frail as ever and I could easily spot a lot of new bruises on her arms and legs. I tried talking to her, but she just grabbed a few things and was out the door the next second. Naturally I followed her outside, but there was a car waiting for her and the next minute, she was gone.

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On Thursday, I was so tired that I wasn't sure I had really slept at all. I had dreamed of some spooky wedding ceremony where Callie had grabbed Emily after they were officially wed and the two of them had sort of merge together at the end and started chanting: "You'll never bring us apart now. We're forever". There was also Effy who was injecting some shit into her body in the background while Jenna and Katie Fitch applauded the newlyweds loudly. Let's just say I had woken up startled and covered in sweat. The day had gone loads better though since Emily had texted me pretty early on and then constantly throughout the day. We had teased each other endlessly and it was with a smile plastered on my face that I went to bed that night with the knowledge that tomorrow I'd be seeing my favorite redhead.

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Friday finally arrived and with it came a shit load of nerves on my part. I didn't have any expectations I have to admit, but I knew that today was either gonna make me or brake me. I tried to empty my mind as much as I possibly could. I think I went jogging three times between the time I had woken up and the time I had to meet Emily. I was feeling physically drained, but the nerves were still firmly in place. Damn it!

During our texts yesterday, we had decided to go to the aquarium. There wasn't really any particular reason for that choice other then we both hadn't been there for ages and it would be peaceful enough to allow us to chat. When I got to the aquarium, Emily was already there. I stealthily made my way to her and startled her. Ems yelled in fright before turning around and promptly punching me on the shoulder. I was just laughing hard at her little girl yelp and soon enough, the redhead joined in on my laughter. She punched me again though for good measures and that's when I noticed her ring. I grabbed her hand between my fingers and softly traced the little skull ring with my thumb.

"You've still got it?" I asked looking at the ring.

"Course I do… I could never throw it away" she replied blushing a little.

I felt a genuine smile tug at my lips. I probably was positively shining with love at that moment, but the idea that Emily had kept this stupid meaningless gift I had given her ages ago meant a lot to me. We stared at each other for a little while before I broke the silence and motioned to her the entrance.

"Shall we go then?"

Emily nodded before slipping her fingers between mine. I had to work hard not to give her a shocked expression. Thing is, I hadn't expected that one second, but I was rather fucking glad it had happened. So, I didn't say anything and we walked inside hand in hand.

We stayed like that for a long time. We would just stroll around the place looking in wonder at the diverse fishes and corals on display. It really was amazing how we felt like we were on another planet and somehow that planet existed just for us. We were completely surrounded by gallons of water and what seemed like an infinity of blue. It this setting, it was well easy to forget about anything else that wasn't here and us. I had a hard time focusing on the sea life though as Emily "Oh"ed and "Ah"ed next to me, her lips always ending up getting stuck in the motion. She really was a much more captivating spectacle in my opinion. I couldn't help but love the way her eyes would turn a paler shade of brown as they literally lit up every single time she saw a fish that she liked particularly. I couldn't get enough of the way her cute button nose would scrunch when she saw and ugly one either. Emily was so excited that she'd tug at my hand and point me something every five seconds or so yelling "look look!". At one point we actually saw some kind of whale swim pass and I exclaimed:

"Look Ems! Your lost cousin!"

I got a hard punch on the shoulder for that, but a chuckle nonetheless. I was cherishing the day like it was my last on earth. It felt amazing to walk around with Emily's small hand in mine so casually that anyone probably thought we were an actual couple. I couldn't blame them really because even I felt like we were a couple for a moment.

Maybe after half an hour of strolling around, we came to a halt in front of some large glass. Behind it were numerous colorful fishes and humungous corals. The area was a bit secluded from the rest of the aquarium so we were completely on our own. Emily let go of my hand for the first time since coming in as she stepped closer to the glass to examine the sea life beyond. I could see her tracing the movements of some blue fish and then the contour of a big rock. She looked so completely at ease that it made my heart swell.

"I can't believe how beautiful this is" she told me.

"Yeah it is" I replied, only I was looking at her and not the fish.

She turned around to shoot me a gorgeous smile before turning to read some information on those particular fish that swam before us.

"I think I should bring my class here, do you think they'd like that?" she asked me after a while.

"Yeah, they probably would" I answered truthfully.

Honestly I was a bit lucky to have heard Emily's question as I had been totally perving on her ass. What can I say? I had always thought she had an amazing ass and as she bent over to read the little display, I couldn't help but look. Without looking back at me, Emily asked me another question breaking me away from some more perving.

"Why is it so easy?"

"What is?" I asked walking closer to the redhead.

When I was standing just next to her, Emily turned around and locked her gaze with mine. She gave me a soft smile before saying:

"Being with you. Why is it so easy?"

"I dunno" I said shrugging. "Probably because of my winning personality"

Emily chuckled a little and shook her head. Some of her hair fell in front of her eyes and I really had to dig my nails into my palms to stop myself from reaching out and tucking the loose locks behind her ear.

"I'm being serious though. It's always so… natural."

"Maybe because it's meant to be" I replied.

I knew she could interpret this in two different ways. She could either think that I had meant that it was meant to be easy and natural when we hung out or she could think I had meant that _we_, together, were meant to be. I sort of hoped she'd get the second meaning of my words. I couldn't tell which one she had actually understood as the redhead just continued looking at me, a tender smile plastered on her face. What I loved when Emily smiled like that was that it was just so effortless. She wasn't forcing it in the least, it just was, a bit like she couldn't have stopped it even if she tried.

"How is it that you're so different, but exactly who I remembered you being at the same time?" Emily questioned me.

I tilted my head to the side and cocked my eyebrow at her in confusion.

"I mean you've changed obviously. You're not the teenager I knew anymore and well, I don't really know much about you do I? We can't catch up six years with a few weeks… But at the same time… I feel like I still know you. Like we're still…" She paused obviously looking for her words.

"Connected?" I offered smiling softly.

"Yeah connected… It's scary… But amazing at the same time"

"Yeah. Truth is Ems, I don't think I ever let anyone get as close to me as I let you. I don't think time matters much, because this still stands true."

"Really?"

"Really"

We stared at each other in silence after that. I think I shuffled a bit closer to the redhead, because her face was alluringly close to mine. As I gazed at her features half illuminated by the deep blue of the tank next to us, I couldn't help but think…

"You're so beautiful" I whispered softly as my thoughts completely escaped my lips without my brain's permission.

Emily gave me such a striking smile that I felt my heart skip a beat at the sight. I was extremely conscious of our faces being only about 30 cm apart. My eyelids felt heavy and I only wanted to close them. If I did though, I knew that my head would just lean in closer to Emily's.

"You're not so bad yourself" said the redhead in a voice so husky that I felt my body shiver all over at the sound of it.

I felt my body come closer to Emily's and I swear I had no control over it. The next second, my hand had grazed Ems' pinky and she laced her fingers with mines instinctively.

"Yeah?" I said, feeling my face come again a bit closer.

I could tell that Emily's eyelids were as heavy as mine as I saw her fight to keep them open. She gulped slowly and nodded her head in reply. Our faces were only about 15 cm apart now and I could feel that we were still getting closer. My right arm was completely flushed with Emily's left now as I shot a quick glance at her lips. I was a bit shocked when I noticed that the redhead had tucked her bottom lip between her teeth as if restraining herself of something. I felt my tongue dart out of my mouth to moisten my lips. I looked back into Ems eyes noticing they had turned a slightly darker shade of brown and also noticed her tongue wetting her own lips just a fraction of a second later. Our faces were just a few centimeters apart now and I could feel my heart hammering away frantically. I felt Emily squeeze my hand a little before her eyes shot to my own lips and that's when I knew I couldn't restrain myself anymore.

I closed the remaining gap and pressed my lips firmly against Emily's. As our lips connected and started moving together, both of our breaths hitched. I felt like a beast in my chest had awakened and was roaring loudly as my brain slowly processed the amazing taste of Emily's lips. My head was spinning from the rush of ecstasy and adrenaline that shot through me from my toes to the tip of my fingers. Every single hair on my body had risen as what felt like pure energy erupted into my heart. As my arms slid around Emily's waist and her fingers intertwined into my blonde locks, I felt like I had gone completely delirious. Both our bodies we flushed against each other now and our kiss became more passionate, more out of control. I felt myself take a sharp intake of breath when Emily bit down gently on my bottom lip. Instantly I realized I needed more. I slowly dragged my tongue on her bottom lip and Ems immediately opened her mouth for me. Our tongues met in the middle and we both moaned at the feeling of complete bliss it created. It felt like our tongues were dancing a beautiful choreographed dance as they swirled together in perfect harmony. The longer we kissed and the more I was pulling Emily closer, losing myself completely in the moment. I needed to feel that she was right there, that I wasn't dreaming. This had to be what heaven felt like. I was lost in my desire of Emily, entirely lost in the reconnection and rediscovery of what we had been together. So lost that it took me a few seconds before realizing the shift in the mood and the next second, Emily had pushed my shoulders roughly and ended the kiss. I was still breathing heavily when my eyes met hers again.

She was looking utterly confused. I could see so many emotions dancing in her eyes; desire and lust, but also pain and sadness. The sight was making me slightly dizzy. The redhead had taken a few paces away from me and was now half sitting half crouching on the fish tank, her head in her hands. She was shaking her head desperately while mumbling to herself.

"No no no no! This can't be happening, no!"

"Emily!" I said while stepping closer to her again.

She continued to shake her head.

"Fuck… FUCK!" she cried out.

"Emily!" I tried again, this time grabbing her shoulders.

"This isn't real, FUCK!"

"Emily, EMILY!" I yelled while shaking her shoulders a bit.

The redhead had stopped her mumbling but she was still shaking her head desperately.

"Emily, look at me!" I commended with as much confidence as I could.

At my words, Emily lifted her face finally and I took in the sight of her red eyes and cheeks glistening with tears. Her eyes were filled with anguish as she sobbed helplessly in front of me. I tried pulling her into a hug, but she kept me at a distance.

"No please don't!" she said.

"Sushh Emily please, it's gonna be okay" I tried to reassure her.

"It's not going to be fucking okay! I'm engaged! I'm getting married in two days!"

"I know, but it's okay, it's gonna be okay"

"Like fuck it is! Why did you do this to me?"

The redhead was angry now. She tried to shove me, but I took a hold of her wrist.

"Why Naomi, why?"

I only stared at her confounded. What the hell was I supposed to reply to that? Why what, for Christ's sake?

"You said it wasn't true! You said you didn't want to use me! I fucking trusted you _again_! How could you?"

"I don't! I wasn't! I swear Ems I'm not using you!"

"But why Naomi! Why did you have to fucking kiss me?"

"I… I …"

"This shouldn't have happened! Fuck! I'm getting married in two days Naomi!"

"Don't you think I know that?" I snarled at her getting irritated myself.

"Then why Naomi? Why?" she yelled louder.

"Because I fucking love you!" I snapped at her.

Emily became deadly still as the words escaped my mouth. She stared at me her eyes full of sorrow. I hated that I was causing her so much pain. I knew there was no going back though now that I had finally admitted my real feelings.

"What?" she asked me in a murmur, disbelief written all over her face.

"I fucking love you okay? I never stopped! I love every little thing about you, every little detail, every little quirk. You drive me completely fucking mental! I can't stop this feeling. I can't fucking stop it!" I yelled back, tears filling my own eyes.

"You can't!" Emily said shaking her head desperately.

"But I do! I _really really_ do! I love you! Emily please…"

I couldn't carry on after that, my voice was breaking and tears were streaming down my face. I hated that I couldn't control them, couldn't stop them from falling. I hated that I was making myself so vulnerable in front of the redhead. Emily was as pale as a ghost. I was a bit worried she was gonna be sick.

"I can't… I'm sorry Naomi. I… I love… I love Callie"

I felt my heart start to crack into a million pieces at her words, but, somehow, I couldn't believe her. It couldn't be true, not after a kiss like we had just shared. Perhaps she _did _love her girlfriend, but she had to have feelings for me still as well. I couldn't fathom that she hadn't felt the raw love pass between us just then. She had to have felt it too. I knew it couldn't have been just me and besides she _had_ kissed me back just as passionately.

"Please Ems… I know you felt it. Don't pretend it wasn't there"

I grabbed one of her hands and put it on my racing heart. I locked my gaze with hers after that.

"Can you feel that Emily? That's how much I love you and how much you make me lose it. Do you understand that?"

The redhead just continued to look at me. I searched her eyes for a sign, but I could only see extreme sadness and tears stream down endlessly.

"Emily I know you feel something too. This has to mean something so please… Just talk to me. We can sort this out together"

"No, we can't. Please Naoms… I can't do this" Emily said through new sobs. "I have to get married in two days"

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to!"

"But I want to"

"Do you? Do you really Emily?"

"I… yes" She said in a small hesitant voice.

"Please… This, you and I, its real… I know you know this. I know you can feel it in every fiber of your being just like I can. Please, I can't lose you again." I started sobbing even harder.

I really wish I could have been a grown up about this. I really wish I could have been the mature one and not plead, but this was cutting me up inside. I could barely breathe through the pain. I didn't think I'd survive it if Emily broke my heart completely, if there was no hope left. I let go of Emily's hand and gently placed one of my hands on her cheek. The redhead didn't shy away from my touch and instead leaned her head into my palm, closing her eyes for a moment.

"I love you so much" I managed to choke through my wrecked sobs dropping every bit of honesty my body possessed into my voice.

Emily's eyes opened and stared into my own for a brief second, but it was all I needed. Because, momentarily, something had replaced the pain and sadness and that something was love; pure and untainted love. My perfect adorable redhead was looking at me with the same adoring eyes I had long to see again so much. I think my heart exploded in relief and the next thing I knew, Emily had crushed our lips together again. The kiss was harsh and fast. I could feel every ounce of need pour out of Emily's mouth into my own. Our tongues were meshing together forcefully. I felt more than I heard Emily moan into my mouth before taking a last breath and pulling our lips apart. The redhead threw her arms around my neck and held me in a crushing hug. I could only return it. Then, I heard her whisper in my ear.

"I'm so fucking sorry... We can never see each other again" her voice breaking on the last words.

Then, she had pulled out of the hug and started running away towards the exit. I was literally stunned for a few seconds and then followed her as quickly as I could. When reached the parking lot, the black Equinox was already retreating, taking away with it the woman I loved and my crushed heart.

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**... So? Lol, how was it? Did you hate it? Did you love it? Did the countdown thing work? Any thoughts would be much much appreciated! Again, there are no words good enough to describe how happy you guys are all making me feel! But I think my gf's getting a bit jealous that I love my reviews so much and that they make me smile like that :P So well, don't hesitate! I'm off now! To write some more of course ;) Oh and if you,re ever interested, I now have a twitter account. mmekeek **

**Cheers XX Miss.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Funny how a kiss can make you all so happy :) I'm glad you liked it then and didn't think the quicker pace fucked up the story. Anyhow we're going back to a slower pace now. Cuz where would be the fun in rushing things? **

**Alright now I want to address something because I've seen it come up a few times in the reviews. I have every intention of continuing this story! Actually, the main plot of it is neatly drawn in my head (as well as some random pieces of paper in my room). Incidentally, I shouldn't be able to work myself into a corner and not know how to get out of it. So that should be fine. So yeah, I really don't think anything will come up to render me incapable of finishing this story. Knock on wood though. So, fear not my dear readers! We shall get to the end of this thing together :) **

**Again a million of thanks for the smile inducing reviews :) You guys are simply THE BEST. **

**Now, on with the story **

**Disclaimer: I only own a small kitten who's chasing my fingers as I try to type this!  
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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 15:

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I stood in the middle of the parking lot for a few minutes, trying desperately to figure how I was supposed to move again. I wanted nothing more than to let myself fall to the ground and get into foetal position. I could feel my body trembling and every breath I took felt like they'd be my last. I could still hear Emily's words of never wanting to see me again reverberating in brain, seeping into every corner of my body. Only her words felt like knifes, cutting everything along the way. My vision was blurry as fuck since my eyes were filled with unshed tears. I turned my head and caught sight of myself in some nearby car's widow. I looked a right mess. My hair was still tangled and messy from when Emily had run her fingers through it and my eyes were puffy (and probably red), my mascara smeared pathetically creating sinister paths on the length of my cheeks. I tried to sniff away the tears and control my shivers, willing myself to stop being and looking so utterly wrecked.

It didn't work much though and I could tell that some people were starting to look at me. As I saw some middle aged man walk in my direction, I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and ran for it. I ran as fast as I could, pushing my rapidly aching lungs to follow the frenzy pace. I felt fresh tears fall down my eyes as I ran further away from the aquarium. The more tired I became, the more I felt my chest constrict with the difficulty to breathe. But I didn't stop running. Somehow, I felt like I couldn't now that I had started. My tears had stopped falling after a moment as I focused on the movements of my body. It felt good to be able to focus on those for a while. I could feel my legs heavily pushing me faster along the asphalt and my tense arms swinging comically to the sides, completing the motion. I could feel my heart beat with a steady, but excruciatingly fast rhythm. It was good to see that it still worked at all, that, no matter how shattered it felt, it was still in there somewhere. My lungs were burning in my chest and I couldn't do anything else then take really ragged breaths as I pushed myself on and on. I didn't even know where I was going, but it didn't matter. I was breaking all inside and nothing could make this stop. Actually, that's not true. One person could have made it all stop, but I knew she wasn't going to.

So I ran on. My legs were crying under me, reminding me that they could fail me at any instant and my chest felt so pressured with both my heart and lungs wanting to pop out that I was amazed they hadn't yet. But still, I carried on. I ended on the top of Brandon Hill before I finally stopped my running frenzy. The thing with stopping so abruptly is that it leaves you even more tired than when you were actually doing the physical effort. I could hardly breathe as I bend over clutching my sides trying to catch my breath. As I slowly recovered, my brain was instantaneously attacked by endless thoughts of Emily and her impending wedding. I closed my eyes forcefully, trying desperately to empty my mind of these kinds of thoughts, but I couldn't. Even with my eyes closed, all I could see were flashes of colors. Yes, of course, red. Red like her fucking flaming hair that just had to smell so goddamn good and be so fucking vibrant that I couldn't look at anything else red and not think of Emily. But brown too, brown like her soft eyes full of so many beautiful things. Her brown eyes that could light up a room when she was happy and brown that could turn black when she was turned on. I could also see pink. Pink for her perfect lips that just felt so good against my own that it really wouldn't have mattered if a bomb exploded next to me as long as Emily Fitch's lips where still kissing me. White. White like her smooth skin that had my mind go into overdrive because it was so soft that I just couldn't stop touching it. Blue. Blue like her nail polish. The nail polish that was on her fingers, her fucking fingers that always left a trail of fire burning when they brushed me or gripped me. Fingers that… Urgh!

I closed my eyes tighter. I was putting every effort into this, trying to forget it all. I wanted to forget all those colors, I wanted them to stop whirling around in my head like vultures awaiting to overtake me if I dared keep my guard down. I needed to get over this, I needed to forget all about Emily Fitch. She had been clear. She wanted to marry that stupid woman and she wanted me out of her life. If she didn't want me then there was nothing I could do about it. I had told her how I felt, I had stripped myself bare for her and still that hadn't been enough. She didn't love me anymore and that was that.

Only… It wasn't. I couldn't get the fucking kiss we'd shared out of my head. I couldn't forget the look she had given me after I had told her everything. I couldn't forget the last kiss that she had initiated. I could forget the intensity of it either. I couldn't forget the feeling of her fingers in my hair and I couldn't fucking forget how she had pressed herself against me as close as she possibly could before pulling away and telling me those last few dreadful words. I couldn't forget how her voice had cracked and how she had sounded just has heart-broken as I felt.

"_Fuck you"_ I thought before snapping my eyes open again.

I was standing alone on that hill and I could see the sun setting in the distance as I stood there immobile. It was beautiful really, the scenery. I felt a dry chuckle leave my throat. This was fucking ironic that was. Here I was standing on a totally romantic spot with a totally romantic view, but I was totally wrecked. I felt a surge of anger engulf me then. Why did it have to be so bloody beautiful out here today? Was it too much to ask for the weather to be as horrible as my mood? I was in fucking England for fuck's sake! Where was the rain when you needed it? My blood was boiling with fury and I clenched my fists until my knuckles had turned white. I wanted to rip out the sky of its lovely little pink tinge. Pink. Pink like Emily's lips. Fucking hell! I felt like the whole world was laughing in my face now. I was so furious that I couldn't hold it in anymore. I grabbed the nearest rock on the ground and threw it as hard as I could into the sky.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I yelled at everything and nothing at the same time.

"What is it that you fucking want? I just fucking want to fucking go home! I've had enough of this bloody fucking reality!"

"Fucking sky! Looking fucking beautiful! Will you stop fucking… Just fuck you!"

I grabbed another rock and threw it again, even harder this time. After it had seared out of my line of view, I took another rock and then another. I started throwing as many rock as I could get my hands on as I continued to yell abuse at the sky.

"Fuck you! I hate you! Fuck your fucking pretty pink color and fuck you for reminding me of _her_!"

The second my brain caught onto the idea of Emily again, my abuses changed direction. I found it was actually quite easy to be mad at Ems.

"And fuck you _too_ Emily Fitch!"

I started throwing rocks even faster now. My heart was hammering in my ribcage as I let it all out.

"Fuck you and your fucking mixed messages! Fuck you for making me feel like a fucking slave! Fuck you for making me need you so fucking much! I fucking hate you! Yeah that's right! I fucking hate you! Do you get it? I FUCKING HATE YOU EMILY FITCH-"

My voice broke after that and I felt my legs give way underneath me. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the ground, my head buried between my legs and I was crying like a maniac. I could feel my body rocking back and forth slowly as I felt like I'd sob all the freaking water my body contained. They weren't neat pretty sobs either. My body was shaking with the exertion it took to let them out. I could feel myself hiccoughing through the process as well. I cried for a while, I'm not sure how long.

Eventually, the sobs subsided and I was left feeling, funnily enough, some sort of peace. I remained sitting like this on the ground for some time. I hugged my knees to my chest and just looked at the scenery. It was curious how the beauty of it all had angered me moments before, but now, I found it soothing, reassuring. Somehow, it didn't matter anymore that I was hurt and that the weather was so perfect. For no particular reason, I got up and curled my body on the bench behind me. I forced myself to look at the sunset, to let its appeasing nature win me over. I could feel my whole body relaxing as I took it all in, the dark clouds, the shinning setting sun, the rising moon, the magnificent set of pinks and oranges. I let myself soak in all this beauty and, quite frankly, I was willing to let myself drown if I could. And drown is exactly what I did. After a moment, everything ceased to exit but the view in front of me. I felt every single thought leave my brain and then nothing.

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I guess I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew, I was being poked with a random object in the ribs.

"Mummy! Why is the woman not sleeping in a bed?" I heard a children voice ask.

"Frederic, don't touch her! She's probably full of germs" a woman voice answered sounding disgusted.

The next second, the poking feeling had vanished. I began to stir a little and slowly opened my eyes. I had to cover them instantly though because the sun was shining brightly enough to make me go blind. Grudgingly, I sat up on the bench and looked around myself. I was still on Brandon Hill and I could see a few passers-by sending weird looks in my direction. I guess I had spent the night on that park bench.

"Fuck's sake" I muttered under my breath before getting up.

I shoved my hands inside my jacket's pockets and took one final look at the view. That's when I felt it; hope. It wasn't a big feeling, but I could still feel it right in there, right next to my heart. I could feel it shinning like a beacon inside of me and making everything so much clearer. I felt lighter than I had yesterday, all the heaviness of my situation now lost on me. I gave the view one tiny smile before deciding to make my way to my flat. I didn't know why, but everything seemed so much _better_ this morning. Maybe it was the uncomfortable night spent a park bench that had done it, but I felt more alive than I had the day before. I was seeing things differently, more positive. To tell you the truth, I had no idea as to why I was feeling so good. Okay, so yeah things with Emily weren't perfect, but they couldn't be ruined either could they? She had kissed me. I mean _she_ had actually kissed _me_. And there had been that one fleeting look of love in her eyes, I was sure of it. It had to mean something.

As I walked near some random shops, I spotted that it was already well into the afternoon. Bloody hell! Not only had I slept outside on a bench park, but I had slept well into the day too. I couldn't help but chuckle at the mental image I got. As pathetic as I might have looked, I couldn't be bothered to care. I only cared about one thing and it was Emily. I had to know for sure. I had to know if she really wanted me out of her life or if she was just scared. Scared that I'd screw her over, scared that I couldn't love her as much as I said I did. If this was the case, I had to find her and prove her wrong. I still had a day didn't I? I knew that if I tried contacting her there was no way she'd answer, but I couldn't let that bring me down. What I _did_ know was that tonight was her hen party and Katie had planned the whole thing. Okay so maybe I didn't exactly know _where_ the party would take place, but if I knew Katie at all, it would be in one of the poshest clubs in Bristol. That was my best bet and it was better than knowing nothing at all.

When I got to the flat, I was full of resolve. To be honest, I felt like I could conquer anything. I guess it was a good sign because I would surely need all the courage I could muster to confront Emily and possibly Katie tonight. I sat in my room for a few hours, browsing the internet on my laptop and looking up every single club of Bristol. Of course I knew most of them, but I didn't want to miss one I hadn't remembered and have it be where Emily was. When I had my mental list ready, I hopped in the shower and got cleaned up. I then went on to pamper myself as much as I could stand. Again, this night had been planned by Katie. I was sure that wherever they were, there just _had_ to be a dress code. So I reluctantly traded my comfortable jeans and sneakers for some short white full skirt and black heels. I threw on a red silky cowl neck vest top and some golden necklace, earrings and bracelets to complete my outfit. I have to say that I spent quite a long time in front of the bathroom mirror fixing my hair and make-up. I curled my blond locks elegantly and let them fall on my shoulders. I fixed my fringe so that it would fall slightly in front of my eyes to give me a sort of "mysterious" look, but wouldn't look completely ridiculous either. I gave myself some smoky eyes and finished with some vibrant red lipstick. I gave myself a final once over before nodding appreciatively and stepping out of the bathroom.

When I came out, I came face to face with Effy and I have to admit I was surprised. It's not that I hadn't been thinking about her, but she had been doing such a good job at avoiding me that it was pretty uncanny to just run into her like that, so… casually. She didn't say anything, but looked at me. When she had taken in my whole outfit, she smiled and said:

"You look nice. Going out?"

"Yes"

"Where?"

"I dunno" I admitted. "I'm going to find Emily"

Even I noticed the way Emily's name came out of my mouth. I swear it was just like if I had sung it rather than just said it. I'm pretty sure my face lit up as well because Effy just gave me a knowing look.

"I'm glowing aren't I?" I asked her.

My friend nodded and gave me a dashing smile. There was something in Effy's smile though, as beautiful and sincere as it was, that I didn't quite like. It looked… sad, awfully sad. Before I had time to acknowledge that fact though, Effy had closed the distance between us and hugged me to her chest tightly. I felt my eyes close by themselves as I just let my friend press me against her. As weird as it was, I really felt good in her arms. It felt like… family, I realized with a smile. Effy _was_ my family in some way, had been in my reality too, but here it just had an even bigger meaning. She pulled out after a few seconds and kissed my forehead.

"It's good to see you full. Don't ever let the emptiness come back" Effy whispered.

I could only nod at her as I watched her grab some bag that was next to the door and leave the apartment. I think I caught a soft "I love you", but I wasn't sure. I was immobile and staring at the door for a few seconds before I snapped out of it. I had a weird feeling, but I couldn't really understand it. I checked the time and sprung into motion. I didn't have time to waste. I had a lovely redhead to find.

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By midnight, my feet were properly killing me. I had walked to about 6 different clubs of Bristol and still hadn't found the right one. I have to admit my hopes were wavering a little, but I still had a few destinations to go to. I cursed loudly about wearing heels as I made my way down a crowded street. As I walked closer to that particular club, I noticed that everything seemed to become pinker. The buildings, the lighting, even the people in the bloody line up seemed to sport a lot of pink. I guess it figured, even though it was such a fucking cliché, I realized as I stopped in front of the big bright pink neon sign of the club.

_PINK_

I tried to hide a little shudder of disgust. This place was so not Emily that even if I was dying to find her by now, I was still hoping she wouldn't be here. I mean was Katie selfish enough to throw her a hen party in such a posh club that Emily would inexorably hate every second of it? I had seen so many WAGS in the line-up that I wondered if anybody else went to this club. Nevertheless I made my way to the doorman and when he glanced in my direction, I shot him my warmest smile. With a bit of extra swagger to my hips, I walked up to him. I didn't miss the cocky grin and the longing glare he gave me. Tosser.

"Hey there beautiful, can I do anything for you?" he asked me the second I was at his level.

"Actually you could. I'm looking for my friend's hen party" I said giving him another winner smile.

"Oh loads of that around this time of year yeah?"

"Yeah I know! So, do you have the guest list for the Fitch party then?"

He rummaged through his papers before replying:

"Yep, got them right here hun. So, what's your name?"

My heart did a little leap of joy.

"The thing is… I don't think I'm on the guest list. You see I wasn't supposed to come at first, but I managed to free myself in the end"

"Honey if you're not on the guest list you're gonna have to wait in line" he told me pointing at the humongous line up.

I frowned a little before smiling again and placing my hand on his forearm trailing my fingers slowly on his skin. I wanted to gag with all the hair I could feel under my fingertips, but I kept my smile on.

"You sure we can't sort this out differently?" I purred.

I felt the guy's hand move behind my back and cope a copious feel of my bum. I yelped a little and restrained my natural instinct of kneeing this disgusting man in the nuts. Instead, I put on a fake laugh and playfully slapped him across the chest while moving his hand away from my ass.

"Never before the first date love, come on, I'm a lady" I said.

The man chortled before giving me another once over, clearly undressing me with his stare and finally motioning me to just get in. I thanked him quickly before disappearing inside. Bloody hell I couldn't believe I had been felt up like that. The second the doorman wasn't in my sight anymore, my stupid smile had been replaced with a look of pure fury. Fucking chauvinist pig had no right to treat me like that. I had to remind myself what I was here for or I would have no doubt kicked the shit out of him.

The first thing I noticed as I walked into the crowded place was just _how much_ pink there was everywhere. I guess with a place with such a name it was normal and to be expected, but… really! This wasn't just pink, this was insanity. Every single little thing was pink! The floor, the walls, the lighting… everything! The bars were made of pink neon with pink ceramic tops, people from the staff were wearing pink shirts and even the drinks themselves seemed to all be pink. It was overwhelming to say the least. I walked around the place for a little while, trying to catch a glimpse of my favourite redhead. I couldn't believe her hen party was happening here. Katie really was un-fucking-believable. Knowing Katie, I figured she would have booked the VIP section for her sister so I went in search of that. It was hard to manoeuvre around the place since it was so crowded. A few guys had tried to stir me into dancing with them, but I had pushed them off. I wasn't interested in the least and I was on a mission. The music was pumping so loudly in the place that I felt like my eardrums were gonna actually bleed. And what music it was! Between Britney, Christina, Akon and the likes there wasn't much time for anything else. It made me even sadder for Emily for I knew she absolutely hated that kind of music. It really looked like Katie had planned _herself_ the perfect hen party even though Emily was the one to get married.

After walking around the place a few times, I finally spotted the closed off VIP section. I made my way to it quickly, although keeping an eye out for any undesirable presence… a.k.a Katie. It was surprisingly easy to slip into the section. I hid in a corner before glancing at my surroundings. My heart leaped out of my chest as I spotted Emily in the distance. She was sitting at a table surrounded by many girls I didn't know. She was looking as gorgeous as ever in a tight fitting black dress. I felt my stomach give a lurch of approval at the amount of skin that was on display. Gosh she was just fucking stunning. She was also wearing a pink tiara in her hair and a banner around her shoulders that said:

_I'm getting married so buy me a drink tosser_

Charming. As I stared at her intently, I couldn't help but notice how tight her lips were and how fake her smile seemed. Like I had predicted, she didn't seem to be enjoying this party one bit. There were so many girls around her giggling and talking to her, but I could see she would just nod and give some crisps smiles in return. That and she'd drink some shots. The amount of glasses on the table in front of her was astronomic and I could tell Emily was taking advantage of it. She was chugging down so much alcohol that I was sure she'd be completely hung over for her actual wedding. That is, if she went at all. I was still hopeful. I'm not sure how long I stood there in the corner, just staring at her, but I think she must have felt my penetrating gaze fixed on her because I saw her frown and turn around. Instinctively, she shot a glance in my direction and our gazes locked. I saw her eyes widen in shock. I gave her a tentative smile that I hope conveyed the words I couldn't tell her because of the distance. I saw her gulp slowly before looking me up and down. I was rather glad when her eyes met mine again and I noticed they had gone a shade darker.

I saw Emily close her eyes and shake her head for a second then. I guess she wasn't sure if I was real or not so I started walking to meet her and prove her I really was there ready to fight for her if I needed to, but someone grabbed me by the arm and shoved me out of Emily's sight. I turned around to see who had grabbed me and felt a hand collapse with my cheek. I staggered a bit and felt strong hands push me up against the wall behind me. I didn't need to look at the person to know who it was. I could recognize that bitch slap anywhere.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Katie asked me violently.

"Hello Katie, so nice to see you again" I replied sarcastically.

"Don't play this fucking game with me Campbell! You shouldn't be here, no one invited you!"

"Well, I am, so if you'll excuse me…" I said trying to walk pass her.

Katie only grabbed my arm though before shoving me back onto the wall. From where I was, I could still see Emily even if she couldn't see me. So I saw her as she looked at the spot where I had been and sported a sad and hurt look and then shoved a couple more shots down her throat.

"Katie listen, as lovely as it is to speak to you, I don't have time for this"

"What the fuck are you on about? If you think for only one second that I'm gonna let you go there and talk to Emily you're a bigger tit then I thought you were and that's saying something!"

"For fuck's sake Katie! This is none of your fucking business and Emily's my friend, I'll speak to her if I want to!"

"Yeah? Good friend you are fucking kissing her two days before her wedding!" Katie snarled.

I was a little taken aback by that. I hadn't thought Emily would have told anyone about our kiss.

"That's none of your business Katie"

"Oh but it is! Emily is my sister, so that makes it my business alright?"

I only shrugged and made to walk pass her, but, again, she just shoved me right back on the wall. This time she kept her fingers squeezed tightly around my arm.

"Let go of me" I warned her.

"I'm not gonna let you ruin Emily's night!"

I went to reply that she already didn't seem to be enjoying herself anyway when we were both distracted my yells and laughter. I looked up as Katie turned around and we both saw what had caught people's attention. There, in front of Emily, stood four scantily clad women that just had to be strippers. There were all waving sensually at Ems and showing off their curves. I wish I hadn't felt a little hint of jealousy as I noticed how round Emily's eyes had become as she took in the sight in front of her.

"I would have liked it better to get male strippers, but I don't think she would have enjoyed it as much" said Katie next to me obviously liking the fact that I wasn't enjoying this.

"So thoughtful of you" I replied sarcastically.

The four women continued to make little gestures at Emily, obviously waiting for her to choose one of them. As much as I hated Katie in that moment, I had to admit she had some taste in women. Those four strippers were gorgeous in four different ways. The first stripper was a really tall and really skinny brunette with piercing blue eyes. She reminded me of Effy in a weird way. The second stripper was a redhead, taller than Emily, but shorter than the others. She had some unbelievingly luscious curves though. The third one had black jet hair and green eyes and was tall and athletic. I couldn't help but notice how she looked similar to Emily's fiancée. When I examined the last one, I was surprised to notice she actually resembled me. She was tall and skinny, not that athletic, but not skeletal either, with wavy peroxide blonde hair that hung around her shoulders and baby blue eyes. I could tell though that she was a bit taller and a bit less athletic than I was and her hair slightly paler, but still, the resemblance was there. I couldn't quite believe that Katie had chosen her to strip for Emily. I would have guessed she would have either picked a natural blonde or no blonde at all, staying away from anything that could remotely be linked to me. Especially when Emily was concerned.

"Just fuck off Naomi" said Katie. "She's happier without you okay? You hurt her and now she doesn't want you anymore"

I glared evilly at Katie as she said those words. How dare she say that to me again? It hadn't even worked the first time around, what was she expecting now?

"So fuck off, yeah? She doesn't love you, hasn't loved you for ages. She wants nothing to do with you"

I was distracted for a few seconds by more yells and laughter coming from Emily's table and smirked as I saw the reason why. I reconnected my gaze with Katie's before cocking my eyebrow at her and saying:

"You sure about that?"

The petite brunette in front of me turned around to look at her sister and sure enough, the peroxide blonde stripper was giving Emily a lap dance. I didn't really enjoy the sight since Ems seemed to be looking at her like she was the most marvellous thing she had ever seen. I could only hope that she too had found the uncanny resemblance between the stripper and myself and that was the reason behind her glossy stare. Katie faced me again before giving me a furious look.

"That doesn't mean anything"

"Doesn't it? Then why didn't she choose the black haired stripper then Katie?"

"Cause she's got a cuter one at home!"

"Right, you keep telling yourself that. Now, get the fuck out of my way. I have to talk to Emily"

"You can't okay"

"You're not gonna stop me!"

"Oh but I will!" Katie said maliciously before getting a piece of paper out of her purse and handing it out to me.

I unfolded the paper and froze. I think I must have read the words etched onto the white sheet about ten times before they started making sense. When I looked back at the evil twin, she was giving me a triumphant look.

"I guess they haven't had the time to send you a copy yet, but there you go. So see? She doesn't want you and I don't think she could have made it any clearer"

I looked again at the restraining order in my hands before shaking my head.

"This wasn't her idea. It was your mum's"

"Doesn't matter whose idea it was, it's issued and _she_ signed it"

I looked again at the unmistakable signature of Emily in the corner. I couldn't quite believe it.

"So fuck off before I call the police! You're already breaking your conditions" Katie said smugly.

I looked up again to look at Emily and saw that she was still staring at the blonde stripper. Her hands were caressing the girl's skin delicately and I could see that her eyes were dazed and confused. I looked at her a bit longer and noticed that one stray tear had fallen down the length of her right cheek. The stripper stopped dancing for a moment and cupped Emily's face in her hands softly brushing her tear away. Emily smiled weakly before grabbing the girl's hand and kissing it softly. Then, she got up and left my sight. I looked back at Katie who had her eyebrow raised at me expectantly. I nodded and turned around to leave the premises. As much as I hated it, I had to give this one to Katie. I was already under investigation and I couldn't afford to be arrested since I needed to be out and about the next day. On my way out of the VIP section though, I saw a flyer announcing Emily's wedding. I grabbed it and smiled as it explained neatly the whereabouts and time of the said wedding.

Okay, so maybe Katie had won this fight, but, as I remembered the look of pure admiration Emily had giving the peroxide blonde stripper, I was well aware that the war wasn't over yet and that my hope was still intact. I guess I would just have to crash the wedding and wish for the best.

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**Well! This is it for now. I did warn you that I'd be slowing down the pace again... Next one's gonna be long I suppose :) So, thoughts? Did you like it at all? Don't be shy to review and let me know. Anyhow, I love YOU :) So that's that. Have a lovely day.**

**Miss. XX**


	16. Chapter 16

**Is it okay to be that nervous? Because I certainly am! Thank you guys so much again for all the love and support! It really makes my heart swell to a size you can't imagine that you seem to be loving this piece of fiction :) So, THANK YOU. **

**Another one around 10 000 words (Final count is actually 11 500 ish). Grass Hopper you better be happy! ;) And I have nothing else to add for now! I know... AMAZING! Enjoy the chapter! Hopefully it won't disappoint :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins. But obviously it owns me. I've been having Naomily filled dreams for like... 3 days in a row! - -' **

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 16:

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I've always found it quite fascinating how time works. No, really, think about it. It's supposed to be this specific data, always the same. I mean a second is a second and a minute is a minute. It's never changing, it's mathematically calculated and established. But yet… it feels like it never is that definite. We all know this, we've all experienced it at one point or another.

Just imagine some exam at school that you haven't studied enough for. Well the 2 hours you have to do it will go by like they're 20 minutes. But then think about that one time (or the few times) you got detention because you were being obnoxious just a tad too much. Those 20 minutes felt like two whole hours because staring at the fat lady doing Sudoku who was supposed to be watching you bored you out of your mind.

Like I said, we've all experienced that feeling, but I think I'll be presumptuous and say that no one's ever experienced it as bad as I have. You'll be wondering why I'm sure, well it's easy really. You can't have experienced it as bad as I have until you've experienced Emily Fitch. It's just like that with Emily. It always has been. I remember the first time I ever saw her, the first time I saw her little frame walk into my classroom all those years ago at middle school. She was looking at the floor, not meeting anybody's eyes while Katie was parading in front of her. She sat a few desks in front of me and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was staring so hard she could probably feel it. I don't know if she did though because she never turned around. Then the teacher made us introduce ourselves by saying our name and our favorite color. She got up from her seat, shaking slightly and I heard her voice for the first time. It was silly really, but just before speaking, she shot a little glance around herself to look at us all and then our gaze met. It didn't last too long, but I felt my whole body vibrate. I think she did too.

"_My name is Emily Fitch" she had said. "I like blue" she had finished before turning bright red._

My heart was beating so fast I felt like I had just came back from gym class. I hadn't understood what that feeling was, but it was there. It was overwhelmingly there. I think the class must have lasted an hour. I couldn't really tell you because it's the first time I was properly introduced to the effect Emily Fitch had on me. Because when the bell rang and everybody proceeded to get up, I felt like the class had only started 5 minutes ago. Then, I realized that I had been so lost in my contemplation of that small new girl that I had completely lost track of time or hadn't paid the slightest attention to class for that matter. I had blushed furiously and promised that I would never let myself lose it like that ever again. She was just a girl after all, nothing special… or so I thought.

Of course I had been wrong. I remember one day when I was fifteen, Emily hadn't been to school for the first time since I knew her. Katie had said to everyone that her sister was sick and I had found myself worrying. I didn't know why I cared so much. Emily and I weren't even friends. We had been going to school together for 3 years and had failed to address each other even one little word. Truth is I didn't even sit close to her in class. I'd always sit far away from her because… I didn't know why but I always did. I guess I somehow knew then already that it would be far too distracting to have her near me. Even then I could feel myself react to her presence. It always felt like my body was buzzing. So I wouldn't talk to her and, most of the time, I would try not to even think about her. That day though, I was worried and couldn't _stop_ thinking about her. She had invaded my brain like an army of hungry zombies. I couldn't stop wondering what was wrong with her. I couldn't stop asking myself if she was in pain or if she had a fever. I wanted to check on her badly but I knew it was stupid. What could I have done anyway? Somehow, I could see myself dangling on her window sill a pack of Garibaldis in my hands. It was ridiculous though and I had to remind myself that I barely knew the girl.

That day was the first time I experienced how slow my life could go because of Emily Fitch. It was excruciatingly long and I felt like every minute was in fact an hour. If I had known Emily wouldn't be there for 3 days, I would probably have braced myself. On the fourth day, when Emily showed to school looking a bit pale, but okay, it was like my heart had started beating normally again. I had realized that it was like there had been a pressure in my chest that was now lifted upon seeing the petite girl. It was also the first day I decided to speak to Emily. I mean, I just _had _to talk to her. Surely a girl that made me feel like I had been holding my breath for 3 days straight had to be worthy of a few words. I tried to make it look casual, but I think she was just as surprised as I was that I had spoken to her.

"Hey. Feeling better?" I had said.

"Hum yes. Thank you" she had replied giving me a polite smile.

"I'm Naomi"

"I know who you are"

Emily had blushed furiously after saying that and I had felt my heart rate accelerate. I didn't know why it made me so happy that she had known who I was, but it did. Somehow, I felt lighter. I hadn't even been able to control the next words that had stumbled out of my mouth, seemingly without my brain's approval.

"Right" I had said. "Well if you ever hum… need help catching up with the coursework… I could help you"

"Oh thank you. That's… that's really nice of you"

She had given me a beaming smile after that and my heart had properly swelled. From those moment on though, I knew that that petite girl could influence my perception of time like nothing else could. It was completely insane, yet it had never ceased to be true. And I had no control over it whatsoever.

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The day of Emily's wedding was a great example of that phenomenon. Actually, I don't think she had ever influenced my conception of time as much as she did that day. After coming back from the Pink club, I had tried to sleep a little. Needless to say my efforts were in vain. My brain was completely bombarded by millions of thoughts and worries. I know it was no use to obsess over, but I couldn't quite seem to help it. I had so many "what if" scenarios going through my head that I had given myself a proper migraine. What if she really didn't want to see me anymore? What if she really loved Callie? What if she loved me but got married anyway? What if I got there too late and she was already married? What if… urgh.

I stayed in bed looking at my alarm clock, mentally counting every little passing second. It was agonizing really to see it going so slowly when all I wanted was for it to jump straight to tomorrow. I ended up going through Effy's room and stole a spliff to calm my nerves down and try to coax myself to sleep. I can't explain how glad I was when it worked a little. When I woke up again, I checked the clock and realized that I had only been out for about 4 hours. I groaned into my pillow, but knew that, now that I was awake, nothing could make me fall asleep again.

So I got up from my bed and made my way to my shower for the usual morning routine. I took as much time as possible, washing carefully every single inch of my body, but only twenty minutes later, I was done. I got dressed slowly into a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt that read "dream on dreamer" on it. I liked the irony of it as black as it may seem. I was after all going to disrupt a wedding, so I guess it qualified me as a dreamer. I hated how the thought of crashing Ems' wedding made me feel like some evil bitch from… well from wherever. I mean I was well aware that it wasn't something you really did, something that any _proper_ person would ever do. I was aware that mature adults tried to be bigger persons and would let the other go. But "mature adults" weren't me and they didn't understand just how much I loved Emily so they could well get to fuck as far as I was concerned. And I wasn't even exactly going to "disrupt" the wedding. I could hardly walk into the room and cry out "I object!" as the minister and everyone else looked at me. I wasn't that fucking cliché and besides, Jenna and Katie would skin me alive if they spotted me. So no, I wouldn't do that. I just needed to talk to Emily. I needed to sort this out with her. I knew that I probably had fucked up our chances at being friends by kissing her, but in my defense, she had kissed me back just as hard. And as much as I wasn't sure if I could stand it, if Emily wouldn't be with me but gave me a second chance at being friends, I'd take it. I just painfully needed her presence in my life. I was like a fucking plant and Emily was my sun.

I must have paced inside my flat for what felt like three weeks but really was an hour or so. Again, time was playing nasty games with my brain. I really wished it wouldn't though because I was feeling nervous and nauseous enough as it was. I wasn't much the type to bite my nails, but fuck if I could control myself today. Once I was done chewing on every single finger I had, I retrieved my pack of fags. I ended up smoking four one after the other before stopping myself. I didn't really fancied smelling like the bottom of an ashtray while trying to win Emily's love, or friendship, I reminded myself. I paced again some more before smoking one final fag and then proceeding to brush my teeth. I applied a spray of perfume in hope to disguise the smell a little, shoved a white beanie hat on my head and then left the flat.

Emily's wedding was to take place at a lovely hotel called "Hotel du Vin" which was an old Sugar House that had been restored for receptions and such. I knew it from reputation and apparently it was a really nice and rustic kind of place. It wasn't really close to my place though so I had to catch a bus to reach it. Again, as I waited for the bus and then waited for it to bring me to my destination, I could only count the seconds and hate how long everything was taking. I was properly fidgeting the whole way there. I probably looked like I was on some kind of drug because there was an old lady in the bus that kept throwing me nasty looks. I didn't find the energy in me to care.

A few minutes later, I was finally stepping out of the bus and walking to the venue. I spotted it in the distance. The front was made of nice white brick and, to reach the entrance, you had to walk through some gateway flanked by two large black metal doors and two hibiscus trees. I walked cautiously, taking the time to look around me. This time, I really had to avoid running into Katie before I could reach Emily. It had to be said too that I didn't fancy running into either Callie or Jenna. I made my way inside without too much trouble even though a few people gave me curious glances. I guess I didn't look too inconspicuous with my jeans and t-shirt while everyone was wearing dresses and tuxedos. I didn't linger long enough for them to take too much interest. The indoor section was a large room with a big golden staircase leading to a second floor. One wall was also a huge window showing the outdoor backyard where I could see rows of chairs and an altar. I guess the wedding would be taking place outside then. I found myself wishing for rain almost instantly.

Like I've said, a few people were gathered in the large common room, chatting happily and sipping on champagne flutes. It all seemed so… proper and somewhat phony. Sure the place looked nice, but the atmosphere was too serious for my liking. I guess I had always imagined Ems' wedding to be a bit more natural, a bit more casual. Then again, I had always imagined it being with me as well. I climbed the stairs as quickly as I could, trying not to stay in the open long enough to be recognized by anyone. Once I had reached the top, I looked down and noticed Jenna and Rob Fitch in a corner talking amiably to a couple who I guessed to be Callie's parents. I couldn't spot Katie or Callie herself though so I continued to walk as stealthily as my clumsy self could. The upper level was constituted of a long white hallway with many doors on each side. I started walking down the hallway, carefully listening to try and recognize Emily's voice somewhere. As I approached the end of the hallway though, I was startled by the loud voice of her evil twin. I froze in terror as I realized the voice was becoming louder. I looked frantically around myself and spotted a washroom. I ran to the door and stepped inside just as I saw the second to last door on the left hand side open wide. I hid in a cubicle just to be safe as I heard Katie's parting words.

"Do you want me to send mum Ems?"

"No that's fine, I just need a minute okay?"

"Okay… Listen Ems. It's gonna be alright yeah?"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Kai, see you in a moment"

"I better. You look beautiful by the way"

I heard Emily's unmistakable chuckles and, after that, I heard some retreating footsteps and a door closed again. My heart was properly beating out of my chest as I realized how much of a close call it had been. I didn't want to imagine what would have happened if Katie had come out of the room and came face to face with me. No doubt, she'd have gotten her cellphone out and promptly called the police though. I really wish my heart would have relaxed after Katie had obviously gone, but the knowledge that Emily was just a few feet away from me made that utterly impossible. I stepped out of the cubicle and walked to the washroom door. I pressed my ear carefully against it, making sure no one was in the hallway before stepping out. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't bump into any unwanted individual and walked towards the room I had seen Katie exit. There must have been 10 steps between the washroom and Emily's room maximum, but somehow it felt like there was a mile. My legs felt like proper jelly as I wobbled all the way to the door. I don't think I had ever been that nervous in my entire life. I was discovering that even breathing was a complex task when you were shitting yourself with anxiety.

I stepped in front of the door for a few seconds before taking in a big breath and knocking lightly. I waited for Emily's "Come in" and then turned the doorknob and stepped quickly into the room, closing the door behind me. When I caught sight of Emily, my breath hitched and I felt a heavy lump climb up into my throat. The redhead was wearing a long silky white dress that was sleeveless and tighter around her chest, but fell loosely around her hips and legs. The dress wasn't too large though so it showed her perfect figure in a way that had my mid reeling. She was wearing some black open toe heels with a big golden necklace laced with diamonds and diamond earrings that matched. Her hair was as red and vibrant as ever and fell elegantly in soft curls on her shoulders. There was also a small veil pinned to her head with a diamond brooch. The effect was rather stunning. I could already feel some tears welling up in my eyes as I let my eyes rake over the petite's body. She looked so beautiful that the words truly failed me. One thing was for sure though, looking at her like that gave me an even bigger motivation to stop this because I couldn't stand her looking so utterly breath-taking for anyone else but me.

She was facing the window and hadn't turned around as I stepped into the room. I walked a few paces closer to her, working hard on swallowing that huge freaking lump. I was terrified of speaking, but now that I was here, there was no turning back. I stood there, immobile, for a few seconds, willing her to turn around, but she just kept staring outside the window. I would have killed to know what she was thinking then. I shuffled on my feet, closed my eyes and went for it.

"Emily" I said in a very soft and uncertain voice.

Upon hearing my voice, the redhead turned around immediately. Our eyes locked and I took in the rest of her appearance. I felt like someone had slapped me for I was totally gobsmacked. She really was devastatingly beautiful. Her make-up was light, but perfect and the front of her dress wrapped around her chest to create an elegant bustier made of satin. We were silent for a few second and this time, it was Emily's turn to speak.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I winced a little at her aggressive tone, but didn't back down. I had come here to talk to her and talk to her I would.

"I just want to talk to you"

"I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again!" she shot back.

"I know what you said, but I can't…"

"I'm not asking your opinion Naomi, let alone your permission! I _don't_ want to see you anymore, get out" she said her voice shaking a little.

I grasped that fact as though it was a life line. If her voice was shaking, it was a good sign.

"Emily please… Just talk to me, yeah? We can sort this out"

"There's nothing to sort out. I'm getting married in a few minutes and you need to get out"

"I can't do that Ems" I said taking a tentative step towards her.

The redhead took a step back in response before putting her arms in front of her.

"Don't! Stay away"

I stopped moving at once. I didn't want to scare her.

"Naomi, you have to leave. You can't be here"

"Because I can't be within a 100 meters radius of you right?"

Emily's eyes flashed guilty for a second before she gulped slowly.

"That's right. So get out before I call the police" She said sounding anything but convinced.

"You'd really do that?"

"Yes… Yes I would"

I was still not convinced.

"Emily… I know that what happened scared you, but I'm not sorry it happened!"

"Well I am okay? It shouldn't have fucking happened Naomi!"

"But it did!"

"You had no right to kiss me like that and you know it!"

"Oh _please_! Don't you fucking dare put all the blame on me!"

"Well _you_ kissed _me_!" the redhead accused.

"And _you_ kissed _me_ right back! Don't start playing some children games Emily! Who started what doesn't matter. Besides, do I have to remind you that you fucking kissed me after?"

Emily didn't meet my gaze after that, but shifted uncomfortably.

"Emily… I know the timing is awful, but I don't regret it okay? How could I? You and I, we're bigger than this"

"Than what Naomi? Than my four year relationship? Then my marriage?" Emily spat her voice venomous.

"No… Yes… I mean… We just are, yeah?"

"What you're saying makes no fucking sense" She said with a sigh.

Emily took a big breath after that and rubbed her temples with her fingers. I took the time to step closer to her again. When she opened her eyes, the redhead had obviously noticed I was closer, but she didn't step away this time and I have to say I was relieved. She looked at me with a sad expression before saying in a soft and tired voice:

"Naoms… Please… just… just go okay?"

"I… I can't… Emily I lo-"

"Don't! Please don't… I can't… Just go"

"Why? Why don't you want me to say it Ems? Why shouldn't I? I mean it you know"

Emily shrugged.

"Well I love Callie so… I'm sorry"

I felt quite my heart throb painfully at her words, but I couldn't leave. Something still wasn't right. The way Emily wouldn't meet my eyes, the way she'd sigh or cross her arms over her chest, it wasn't right. I took a big breath before continuing.

"Ems... I… I know you love her. I would never dare doubt your feelings for her, but… I… I think you feel something for me too. I think you love me too"

I tried getting an eye contact out of Emily after that, but she still wouldn't look at me. I was finding it quickly irritating, but I didn't want to lose my calm with Emily.

"Emily, please look at me"

The redhead started fidgeting a bit more and I took another small step towards her. When she didn't step back again, I continued walking until I was about two feet away from her. I carefully reached out and placed my hand on her cheek. I felt Emily's breath hitch as my fingers made contact with her skin. I softly turned her head so she would face me. Emily closed her eyes to prevent them from meeting mine and began biting on her bottom lip. I inched my other hand closer and tugged her lip out from between her teeth.

"Don't do that… You'll ruin your beautiful make-up" I said jokingly.

Emily chuckled at that and opened her eyes. I was surprised to see her stunning chestnut orbs filled with unshed tears. I traced my thumb on her cheek before giving Ems a tentative smile. She gave me a very weak one in return as two large tears escaped her eyes and made contact with my fingers. As sad and shattered as she looked, I couldn't help but think she still looked amazing.

"Do you know how completely gorgeous you are Emily Fitch?" I asked her.

Emily smiled again before shaking her head.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and believe me Ems, I've seen _loads_"

Emily rolled her eyes at me in a really good imitation of me and I couldn't help but laugh. The redhead laughed as well before her eyes filled up and even more tears came trailing down her cheeks. I brushed a few tears away and Emily closed her eyes. I couldn't help myself then and leaned in to kiss her closed eyelids. I felt Emily shudder as my lips touched her. The redhead also grabbed the front of my t-shirt and squeezed it so much I was sure her knuckles had to be completely white. Without needing her to tell me, I knew this was Emily's way of hugging me when she felt she couldn't do it the normal way. It filled my heart with hope. I kissed her other eyelid just as softly as I had the first and I then moved and kissed her cheek, once, twice. After, I proceeded to place more butterfly kisses on her other cheek. I had reached the corner of Emily's lips when the redhead finally reacted. Sadly, it wasn't in the way I had hoped.

Emily pushed me slightly to put a bit more distance between us.

"Naomi please… I can't" she said her voice shaking terribly.

"Why? please Emily… Don't… Don't marry her" I said in a whisper already feeling ashamed of what I was demanding.

"I can't… I have to… I want to…"

"But… I… what about me? Ems… I can't… I love you"

I could see my own tears clogging up my sight. I felt Emily shudder at my words and release my t-shirt.

"Naomi, I'm begging you one last time… Go… I can't have you here… If you're here I won't… just go…"

"But why? Emily I need you… My life doesn't make any sense without you!"

"I… I'm so sorry. But I can't… you _have_ to go"

"If you don't want to be with me then we could be friends?" I said shrugging. "Just… be in my life please"

"I can't be friends with you…"

"Why not?"

"It doesn't work okay? I just… I can't!"

"If you can't be friends with me perhaps it's because we're meant to be more!"

"Naomi no… stop"

"But Ems! We're good together-"

"Good together?" Emily snarled cutting me off.

As I looked into her eyes, I noticed that some new anger had replaced her sadness. I could only shudder at the overwhelming surge of rage I could feel coming out of her in waves. I already knew then, that whatever was going to happen next wasn't going to be one bit pleasant.

"You think we're good together?" she said in a derisive manner.

I was about to reply, but Emily definitely had more to say on the matter.

"Which part exactly do you think was our happiest moment Naomi?"

"Euh-"

"The part where you _fucked_ some other girl, the part where she offed herself or the part where you threw me out of your place and fucked off?

"Ems, listen-"

"No _you_ listen Naomi! You _cheated_ on me! You fucking _had_ me. We were together, I thought we were happy-"

"We _were_ happy! Emily please! I'm sorry"

"You're always sorry Naomi! But now it's too late!"

"I can't change what's happened! I wish I could, believe me I really wish I could go back to that one day and never cheat, but I can't okay? I fucking can't"

"It doesn't matter anymore"

"It matters to me! Because I lost you and then I let you go! I should have never let you go"

Tears were streaming down my face, but I didn't care. I could tell Emily was still furious. I wished she could have understood how much I loved her and regretted everything.

"Well… You did" Emily said. "In the end, I think we both knew you weren't ready to _do anything_"

"But I am now! I'm here now. I won't ever fuck up again, Emily please"

"It's too late Naomi"

"Is it? What about this?" I said as I reached my hand forward again and placed my fingers on her cheek.

Emily tried to turn her head away from my touch, but I cupped her face with both my hands and stared directly into her eyes. I stayed silent for a few seconds as we gazed into each other's souls.

"I know you feel it too Emily. This is special. What we have, it's special"

Emily didn't say anything for a few moments and then more tears clouded her vision, pouring out of her eyes relentlessly and falling on my hands. She was sobbing hard and as I tried to get closer to her and take her into my arms, she pushed me again.

"NO! Fuck _off_ Naomi, please" she begged.

"Why? I love you Ems, I'm not going anywhere"

"I can't fucking trust you okay? I just can't"

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could feel myself drowning in despair. This couldn't be true could it? Didn't she know me? My heart had been hers ever since I had laid my eyes on her. I was hers and would _always_ be hers alone. She owned me so completely that it seemed ludicrous to me that she didn't trust me.

"Yes, yes you can"

"No! You promised once that you'd do anything. I _waited_ for you to prove me. And when you didn't… when you ran again… It hurt s_o much_ Naoms" Emily whispered at the end.

"I'm not running now" I tried to reassure her.

"I just can't… I can't trust you!"

"I've changed. I'm not the same person anymore. You _can_ trust me"

"How can I possibly know that? Naomi you can't come back into my life and expect me to throw it all away for you. I have been with Callie for 4 years. We love each other, _we_ are good together"

"But _we_ are better Ems"

"Don't fucking say that! You know nothing of Callie and I"

"That's as may be, but I know us and that's enough"

"No it isn't! God why is it so fucking complicated with you? It always is! Callie and I, it's simple. We just _work_. Our lives fit. We make sense together. You and I… we just don't fit in each other's world. We never really did"

"Since when simple was better? We may be more complicated at times, but this thing we have it's natural. It doesn't matter if our lives fit or not because _we_ do! So what if it makes no fucking sense? So what if we're complete opposites at times? Our passion, our love, it has no equals. You may _fit_ with Callie, but you and I, we're right." I said with conviction.

"We're not living in fucking fantasy land Naomi! It matters. What's around matters" Emily said angrily.

"What about our kiss? How do you think you're precious little fiancée will feel about that?" I asked her somewhat ashamed to be using such a precious moment as a weapon.

"She already fucking knows!" the redhead shouted.

"What?" I replied probably looking totally startled.

"I fucking _told_ her Naomi! What did you expect? That's what _normal_ people do in relationships! They talk to each other, they trust each other"

I could feel my head start spinning as her words hit me. She had told her fiancée? And they were still together? Well shit then. That Callie really had to love Emily a lot to let that slide or perhaps she didn't love her enough to care.

"And she's okay with it?" I said disbelievingly.

"Oh course she bloody well isn't! But I told her I was sorry and that it was a mistake and she understood!"

"Is she the one who doesn't want you to see me? Did she make you ask for the restraining order?"

"No! It was my fucking decision Naomi! Because _I_ just can't see you again, now get the fuck out!"

I was about to reply when the door opened briskly behind us and we both turned on the spot. We were greeted by the sight of a very confused looking James Fitch.

"I hum… The wedding's about to start and hum… mum wanted me to hum… You know what? I'll come back later" stammered the boy.

"NO! James, stay right here" Emily cried out. "This discussion is over. Naomi, get out"

I could already feel like my heart was shattered, but I still couldn't let go. There was still one last shred of hope lingering in my body and I had to make sure. I _knew_ Emily still had feelings for me. I _knew_ she was only scared to get screwed over… again. I could fucking feel it in my bones. I couldn't let her run away from me out of fright. I had to try one last thing.

"I'll get out, but tell me you don't love me" I asked Emily looking directly into her brown orbs.

I saw it instantly. A flash of panic. The next second, the redhead had rearranged her features.

"This is ridiculous. James, get her out of here" Emily said turning away.

James took a few tentative steps towards me, but I could tell he was reluctant to do what his sister had asked. I stepped away from him and closer to Emily.

"Emily, if it's so fucking ridiculous, just _say_ it. I promise I'll never bother you again if you do. I'll leave and let you go. But look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

I could see the redhead had clenched her teeth and was still avoiding eye contact. It gave me more strength to carry on.

"Go on then. Say it!"

"It's over Naomi! It was over six years ago. James, throw her _out_"

"But Ems why don't you just tell her…" the boy whispered.

"FUCKING THROW HER OUT!" Emily bellowed at her brother who cowered under the petite's evil glare.

I have to admit she did look fucking scary. And here I had always thought Katie was the scarier twin…

"Emily, just say the words. Just tell me you don't love me" I pushed again.

"It's over"

"That's not what I asked you to say"

"What does it fucking matter?" Emily cried out through new sobs.

"I need to, okay? I need to hear it"

Emily closed her eyes for a second before opening them again and staring at me.

"I don't… love you" she whispered her voice shaking worst then ever. "Now get her out James"

The redhead turned around and I felt James' hand grip my arm. I wanted to tug myself out of his grasp, I wanted to grab Emily by the shoulder and tell her I didn't believe one word she had said. I wanted to look into her eyes and confirm it in my mind that she _had_, indeed, lied. But I didn't. I think I yelled, I think I cried, I'm not sure really, but sure enough James was dragging my body out of Emily's room. I could feel the waves of sobs come out of me and every breath I took felt like a small bomb explosion. My heart was shattered. Completely, truly shattered. I'm not sure I even walked, I think James sort of carried me away because the second he let go of me, I fell to the floor pathetically as I clutched at my chest, crying my eyes out.

The blond boy crouched in front of me and grabbed me by the shoulders. When I stared into his face, I could tell he was awfully uncomfortable. I was quite a sight and even he couldn't help pitying me. I felt even worse.

"Naomi…" he said quietly. "You have to get up, you have to go"

I shook my head violently.

"But you have to… Ems will marry her. You can't convince her not to"

"I… I know" I hiccoughed. "But I… I need to _see_ it James. Can you understand that?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I don't think it would be wise for you to assist..."

"No I won't… I mean… Not from downstairs but… please… just let me hide out here. I'll look through a window or something…"

"You're only gonna hurt yourself…"

"I need to James… I need to see it. I need to know that I've lost her. I… I just have to"

The boy nodded slowly before getting up again. He walked to the room's window and looked out.

"This will do" he said turning back to face me. "You can see the altar from here"

"Thank you" I tried to smile at the boy.

He just shrugged in reply.

"I still don't think you should. But it's your decision"

.

James left me after that. I took some time to calm myself down and just stayed like that, sat on the floor. It was only when I heard the first notes of the infamous wedding march song that I was set into motion again. I took a big breath and got up on my wobbly legs. I walked slowly to the window and gripped the edge tightly as I looked on below.

Everybody was gathered and waiting expectantly as Callie was first brought to the altar by her father. Even I had to admit she looked stunning in her white gown. A few seconds later, Emily (who I could tell had had her make up fixed since there were no traces of tears anymore) was being led to the same altar by a Rob Fitch that looked like the proudest person in history. I felt my heart accelerate.

.

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

Rob left Emily at the altar and went to stand next to Jenna. His wife gripped his hand tightly the second he was close enough. I could see Katie standing beside Emily, properly beaming.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

The minister started talking and I looked at him even though I couldn't hear a word of what he was saying. Emily turned to look at Callie. I realized that she was beaming too. She shot her fiancée a beautiful smile that was reciprocated.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

My heart was beating faster and more painfully in my ribcage. Callie was looking at Emily like she was the only person in the room. For the first time since coming to that dimension, I could see just how much Emily was loved. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Part of me was happy that my redhead goddess was so loved, but part of me hurt because for the first time, I was realizing that Callie _loved_ Emily. She was looking at her in the same goofy manner I was.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

Did she love her as much as I did though? Probably not, I reasoned with myself. I don't think anybody really could. Because I loved Emily beyond reason, beyond anything. I couldn't walk away from it. I knew that now. I realized as well how stupid I had been to ever believe otherwise, to ever wish I had walked away from her. She was my everything and would always be, no matter what.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

Both girls were reading their vows now. Both were still smiling annoyingly, tears of joy forming in each other's eyes. I felt my chest hurt a bit more.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

They were facing each other again. The minister was still talking. He looked at Callie and I saw her lips move to form the word "Yes, I do". The minister turned to Emily. This was it. The moment where I would lose her completely, where my heart would be sent into oblivion.

_._

_thump thump, thump thump_

.

I watched Emily smile before her lips moved and formed the word "Yes, I do". I think what hurt the most was that she hadn't turned around before. She hadn't sought me, she hadn't hesitated. She had just said it "Yes, I do". I saw the minister's lips move and the next thing, Callie and Emily were kissing passionately, gripping each other like they were the only thing that mattered as the crowd erupted in cries of joy and celebration.

_._

_thump….._

.

I think my heart stopped there. I turned around and walked out of the room. There was nothing left for me. Emily had married Callie and she had been right all along; she had _wanted_ to. My whole body was numb and I felt like a proper ghost as I walked out of the hotel and into the street. The sun was still high in the sky, but I knew it would only be an hour or so before it was setting. I couldn't really care. I walked this time. I don't think I had it in me to run.

It's funny how you think you've got it figured out. How you think that once you've been hurt, you'll always know how it feels like and how you'll react. It's funny how you can still be surprised and not necessarily in a good way. I would have thought I'd be crying now. I would have thought the pain would be so intolerable that I'd be completely unable to move. I didn't expect to be like this, so _calm_, unable to even think. But I don't think calm is exactly the right word for it. I wasn't _just_ calm, I was catatonic. Funny how pain sometimes make you feel like that. I thought back to what Effy had said about emptiness and for the first time, I understood it. So was this how my other me had felt like? This complete void? This total lack of any feelings remotely human that you really did feel like a robot of some kind? Suddenly, the idea of being a drug dealer didn't even upset me that much anymore. Nothing really did. I was empty.

.

.

I walked all the way to my flat and I didn't shed one single tear. By the time I was there, the sun was pretty much gone. I hadn't realized how long I had walked. All I wanted was to find Effy. I knew she'd understand. I knew she'd see my emptiness without me having to explain anything and she would take me just as I was. Effy was just like that. When I got to the flat though, it was empty. I sighed slowly. I'd have to do something about this whole avoiding thing. I fished my cellphone out of my pocket and as I went to call Effy, I received a call from an unknown number. I frowned, but answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Naomi Campbell?" a feminine voice I didn't know asked.

"Hum yes… Who's asking?"

"Hi, this is Janice Quirke from Bristol Hospital."

"Yes…? What… why are you calling?"

"Do you know an Elizabeth Stonem?"

"Yes she's my best mate, oh god, is she okay?" I asked my voice shaking immediately.

"I'm afraid not Miss Campbell. Miss Stonem was brought in a few minutes ago and she's in a bad shape. Since you are listed as her emergency contact, we called you"

"I'm on my way" I said before hanging up and running out of the apartment.

Again, it's funny how things can change in a matter of seconds. One second, I'm apathetic because my heart has been ripped out of me and the next I'm running down the street to find a cab and, surprise, my heart is still there, hammering away in blind panic. All I knew is that I couldn't lose Effy, not after losing Emily barely an hour ago. If losing Emily made me empty, losing both would completely destroy me. I reached the hospital pretty fast I think. I'm not sure since the cab ride was mostly a blur. I walked into the ER and accosted the nearest nurse I could find.

"Excuse me, Elizabeth Stonem? You called me?"

My voice sounded totally panicked and the nurse patted me on the shoulder before leading me to a corner of the ER. She pointed to a room where I could see Effy's body lying motionless in a hospital bed with about 5 people hurrying themselves around her. I felt my body freeze at the sight. She looked so delicate, so fragile in this tinny little white bed. There were tubes and syringes plugged into her and I could see the little monitor next to her beeping. I felt the pressure ease just a bit for the fact that it was beeping, but even I could tell something was awfully wrong. Instead of beating a normal rhythm, Effy's heart seemed to be going extremely slowly. I was completely mesmerized as the hospital staff worked faster around my friend, a nurse even shoving some kind of respiratory aid down Ef's throat.

"Excuse me? Are you Miss Campbell?" Someone asked me.

I turned slowly and nodded to the girl that had addressed me.

"Hi, I'm Janice? I called you?"

I nodded again.

"What happened?" I whispered looking back at Effy's still motionless form.

"From what we've been able to establish, Miss Stonem was brought in at about 8h24 p.m tonight and is suffering from an overdose of heroin. Her heart rate, as well as her respiratory functions, is significantly affected and she seems to be in a stage of catatonia."

"Jesus" I muttered.

"Were you aware that your friend was using hard drugs?"

"I… I wasn't sure. Is she… is she going to be okay?"

"I can't say… the doctors are doing all they can" the nurse replied trying to give me a reassuring smile.

I wasn't reassured though.

"Would you know any number where we can reach her family?"

"I… no…" I admitted.

"Would you know of Miss' Stonem relatives' names then?" The nurse continued.

"Yeah… hum… Her mother… Her mother is Anthea Stonem and hum… her dad… Jim. She hum… a brother. Tony" I said finding it hard to formulate coherent sentences.

The nurse nodded and left me there, staring at Effy through the room's window. My brain was clogged with so many thoughts I could hardly function.

"_Please Eff… Don't fucking die on me, I need you"_ I thought.

I could see the doctors and nurses working faster and faster as Effy's heart rate decreased. I cursed myself loudly. Heroin overdose? Fucking hell why hadn't I seen that coming? Why hadn't I done anything? Suddenly, Effy's heart stopped and I heard the doctors panicking.

"She's crashing! We're losing her!"

"Oh god" I muttered, my eyes growing wide.

This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. I saw the doctors prepare the defibrillator. When they first shocked Effy and I saw her body rise slightly in the bed, I felt like the shock had gone though my own body. If it sent my heart into an even faster pace, it did nothing to Eff's though.

"Again!" a doctor yelled.

They shocked my friend again. And a third time too. After that, the doctors stopped and so did my heart.

_NO!_

They couldn't be stopping; Effy's heart was still not beating. They had to keep going until Effy's heart started beating again, they had to. It was their jobs. They had to keep going. I saw the staff take off their gloves and masks and a nurse carefully pull out all the tubes from Effy's body. A few seconds later, a nurse had covered her entire form with a white cloth.

_No no no no no_

This was not happening. This had to be a bad joke because it couldn't be happening.

"Time of death, 21h07" I heard a voice say.

My throat was completely dry. I wanted to cry out that this was a lie, I wanted to barge into the room and remove that stupid cloth from Effy's face because surely she was just playing them. Effy had always been good at this, looking distant, aloof. She was just playing them and surely when I'd pull the cloth off her face she'd be smirking underneath it. That usual annoyingly know-it-all and all-seeing smirk I hated but loved so much. I couldn't move though.

A nurse came next to me and started talking to me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Effy's form. I didn't really listen, but I caught the words "sorry" "loss" and "loved one". My whole body started trembling then. My eyes lost a bit of focus and I caught sight of myself in the window. It wasn't pretty by any means. I had lost about every color my complexion had ever had. I think I was actually borderlining transparence. The nurse reached a hand on my shoulder and I felt her tug. I caught the words "sit down". I shook my head. I didn't want to sit down. I was waiting. Waiting for Eff to emerge from under the cloth. It would be any minute now.

The more I waited, the more my body was shaking. I was getting mad as well, why wasn't she moving? She must have known it wasn't funny anymore. She had to know I was worried sick. Maybe if I called her, she'd know I was still waiting. Maybe she hadn't seen that I was waiting.

"Eff" I said in a whisper.

She didn't move.

"Eff" I said louder this time.

The nurse was still tugging at my arm, but I wouldn't budge.

"Effy!" I tried again. "Effy!"

"Miss Campbell… I'm sorry, your friend is dead"

"No… She's just… she's just joking, Effy!" I said louder even.

"Miss Campbell…"

"NO! She's gonna be fine, okay? I know she will. EFFY!" I yelled.

The minute my voice had boomed into the immense space of the hospital, I felt my feet sprung into motion.

"EFFY!" I yelled again trying desperately to reach the room.

The nurse was working hard to prevent me and I could see that some other nurses were getting closer to help her. I panicked then and shoved her away from me and ran into the room. I pulled the white cloth off and revealed my friend's motionless body. I grabbed her hand in mine.

"Effy, please! Don't… You can't…"

Her hand was just so cold. I think I already knew then, but I couldn't stand the thought of it. I could feel big tears falling freely from my eyes. My breathing was wrecked and ragged and I could feel some people trying to drag me away from Effy's frame. I clung on to her hand as hard as I could.

"Effy no! Please no!"

A strong pair of arms grabbed me beneath by the armpits and pulled me off Ef's body. I think it's when I felt her hand slip away from mine that I realized that I had lost her. I had truly lost her. She was gone and nothing I could do could bring her back. I crashed on the floor and grabbed my head between my hands as a terrible wave of guilt and anguish washed through me. This was all my fault! I had been so fucking busy pursuing Emily that I had let my friend go back to that dark place again. Only this time, she hadn't come back. I hadn't done anything and now she was gone, she was dead.

I sobbed uncontrollably for a few seconds and I felt foreign arms try to hug me. I panicked right then. I couldn't let them touch me. I just couldn't stomach it. I felt like if they did I'd properly explode. I got up and ran through the ER's door. The second I was out, I felt the first drops of rain on my skin. Then, in about two seconds, I was drenched. So now England seemed to be cooperating and matching the weather with my feelings. I ran a little and found a cab. I needed to get as far away from that hospital as I could. I gave the driver the first address I thought of. When the he stopped and I paid him, I was nearly surprised to find myself standing in front of Emily's parents' house. I hadn't consciously decided to come here, but now that I was, I knew it's where I had to be. I knew there was a retraining order against me and I knew if Jenna saw me she'd call the police, but I didn't care. I needed Emily. I needed her badly. I couldn't go on without both her and Effy. I walked to the door and knocked loudly. I waited pathetically outside, clutching my sides to try and keep myself a bit warm. I knew I was shivering, but I couldn't tell if it was from actual coldness or if it was from the pain. I was still having a hard time grasping the fact that my friend was gone. She'd never look at me knowingly with her signature smirk ever again, she'd never guess exactly what I was thinking, she'd never bullock me into being braver, she'd never do anything anymore because she was dead. And it really _was_ my fault. I could feel my stomach getting heavier and I breathed hard to try not puke all over Jenna's front step. I knocked again.

This time, the door opened and a petite girl came out. The wrong one though. And she was literally fuming as her gaze stopped on me.

"Fuck off or I'm calling the police!" she barked.

"Katie…" I mumbled.

I soon found out that talking was quite difficult. I felt like words were getting caught in my throat in such ways that only sound could come out, but nothing actually discernable. I was trembling more and more.

"Jesus Campbell, are you drunk?" asked a bit incredulous.

"No… I… Emily… I want to see Emily" I replied.

"Not gonna happen!" the brunette said aggressively.

"Please… I… need to see her"

"Well she doesn't want to see you okay?"

I felt more sobs come up my body. I needed Emily. She was the only one who could appease these feelings that had taken over me. I needed to tell her about Effy, I needed to tell someone and she was the only one I could tell.

"Are you crying?" Katie said sounding a bit shocked.

"I… I just… I… I need to see her" I repeated.

I tried to sniffle, to hide my tears. I mean it was raining outside so maybe I could camouflage the tears as raindrops. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve only to realize that I had put more water in my face than anything else. I could feel the anguish building in my stomach. I placed my palm on top of it to try and control the sickness.

"Naomi? Are you… are you okay?" Katie asked trying to get closer to me and stepping into the rain.

Katie did seem sincerely worried for me then, but I still took a step back away from her. I didn't want anybody else, but Emily. I couldn't show myself like this to anyone else. I was too frail, too vulnerable, only Emily could see and not judge. I only trusted her.

"Emily… only Emily _please_ Katie…"

"She's not here… She's gone"

"Wh- what?" I said my voice shrill.

No, she couldn't be gone too. Effy was gone, but Emily wasn't, couldn't be.

"She left about an hour ago. After the ceremony Callie and her were leaving for Mexico for their honeymoon."

"Mexico… She wouldn't… not… but… Mexico was ours…" I said pathetically.

"I'm sorry" said Katie and I was surprised to see that she was.

I grabbed a fistful of my t-shirt and bend over. I had to support myself with my other arm on my knee to keep from falling. I hated how everything was spinning uncontrollably. Emily was gone to Mexico, our Mexico. Was this how she had felt when I had told her about Goa? Was this some sort of revenge or was it always planned? I had felt apathetic after the wedding, but now with this additional information, I felt like the dam had broken and the ache of losing Emily was filling me completely. I don't think I could feel anything else, but true, inexorable pain. Emily was going to travel with that Callie. I knew she'd create something with her that could never be undone. It was supposed to be me, it _had_ been me. Only, it wasn't, not here. I think I realized for the first time that Emily had a life here, a life that didn't include me. And the worst part was that she was _happy. _She was bloody happy and it had nothing to do with me. My body shook violently and I took big gulps of air to try and ease the tension I was feeling. I felt Katie's palm on my shoulder and retreated even more. I didn't need to be pitied, especially from Katie Fitch.

"Naomi, you should go see Effy. Ems said you guys were still friends yeah? You should go see her"

At Katie's words I was reminded of everything else. Thoughts of Emily were thrown right out of my brain as I remembered my friend's lifeless body and her hand, her cold hand, her dead hand. I started crying even more hysterically.

"I can't!" I hiccoughed.

"Why?" Katie asked confused.

"Effy's… Effy is… She… Oh god… I can't"

I was sobbing so much and it was so out of control that I could barely breathe.

"Naomi? What's wrong with Effy? Did you guys have a fight?"

I shook my head, feeling my chest heave as I wailed like a child in front of the petite brunette.

"She's… She is…" I tried again, but I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say it out loud because if I did then she was really dead. If it came out of my mouth, I couldn't push it back anymore. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it to be real. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready.

"She's what Naomi? Fucking get on with it, you're scaring me"

"She's… dead" I whispered.

"What!"

"She's dead" I repeated a bit louder.

Katie's eyes bulged before she brought her hand to her mouth. I started crying even harder. I tried to speak through my sobs and it was a right mess. I really wasn't sure if Katie had understood a word of it.

"Overdose… And it's my fault… I… I didn't… Jesus…"

"Naomi…" Katie started sounding gentle for once and I could see that small tears had fallen from her eyes as well.

"Don't!" I cut her off.

I couldn't stand her compassion. I couldn't stand how similar to her sister she looked when she was being nice. How her eyes seemed to shine that same way when they were filled with love and care rather then disdain and hate.

"I just want to see Emily…" I said desperately.

"I'm so sorry… She really did leave for Mexico…"

I nodded and started walking away. I could hear Katie yelling after me, asking me to come back, but I didn't listen. I needed to get out of there. I couldn't stand this, any of this. It couldn't really be happening could it? Effy was dead and Emily had left. I was alone, properly alone. I _really_ couldn't stand the thought of it. I felt like my brain was exploding, sending about a thousand different messages through my body. I wanted to cry, puke, run, and walk, all at the same time. I wanted to self-destruct. I couldn't handle this sort of pain. If losing Emily was bad enough, losing everything had to be worse. My heart was properly shattered beyond repair. This sucked. This actually more than sucked. It was unbearable. How could things go so wrong? I couldn't help, but repeat to myself that I had made this happen. This was my entire fault. I had decided to pursue the woman I loved and had left my best mate alone. I _knew_ she was taking way too much drugs. I had seen her bruises as well. I had even witnessed her latest breakdown and still I had done nothing. I had abandoned her and for what purpose? Emily didn't even want me. She had chosen that other girl. She had even told me she didn't love me. So what if her voice had shook and her eyes had looked pained? So what if I hadn't been convinced then? She had said it anyway. Truth was she was happier without me. I had been a selfishly blind cow and now I was paying the price. I was alone. And I'd remain alone.

I walked to a busy intersection. The rain was still pouring tirelessly in the dark streets. I looked up in the sky and saw a few lightning bolt illuminate it for a moment. I felt my chest clench. Maybe this was it. This was exactly the same setting as last time. There was the rain, the lightning and a street with zooming cars. Maybe I was meant to just get hit again. Maybe that would bring me back home. What if it didn't though? What if it killed me? What if it was meant to be an accident? I didn't really know the answers to any of these questions, but frankly, I didn't have the strength left to care. So what if I died? What was left for me here anyway? I felt a slight tinge of pain as my mother's face came into my mind. She'd care, she'd be devastated actually. Could I really risk it then? Could I do that to my mother who was probably one of the kindest person on the whole globe? My mind brought me back to the image of Emily, smiling up at Callie, her lips forming the words "Yes I do" and then kissing her passionately. And then images of doctors hurrying themselves around Effy's body, nurses trying to pump some air into her lungs and the steadily slower beeping on the monitor. Emily was happy, she didn't need me, and Effy was gone where I couldn't help her anymore because I had failed her.

I closed my eyes and took a big breath before walking into the street. I stood in the middle, hugging my chest tightly. I was shaking more than ever and I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my wits. Some passing cars were honking at me noisily, but I didn't move. I closed my eyes.

"_Please make this quick, please make this quick" _I thought desperately.

I heard it before I felt it, the sound of tires screeching on the concrete and more honking. Then, the painful metal collided with my front and I knew no more.

**.**

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**Okay now! Throwing rocks at me is **_**not**_** the solution! lol Seriously though, what did you think? Too angsty, just enough angsty? Angsty, but good? I can't wait to actually hear your thoughts and I have to say that, once again, I'm rather nervous! I really hope I didn't disappoint! Oh and to answer GemmaPeridot who said "can Naomi's luck get any worse?" well humm… yes actually. Lol! I think this chapter just showed it. Please please please let me know what you thought! :) Loads of love and enjoy your life until next time XX**

**Miss.**


	17. Chapter 17

**WOW… Seriously guys, wow! W.O.W! I can't even begin to thank you for the very enthusiastic response to the last chapter! To say that it was unexpected would be pretty much the understatement of the year! So, thank you! Although I just quickly wanna say that if I'm sadistic, you lot are real masochistic bunch! :P But seriously though... I really can never thank you enough fro all the love you've shown me and this little story of mine. You've all been so kind and your words of encouragement really mean the world to me! So, thank you :) From the bottom of my heart!**

**Now I know you've been waiting for this update a little bit... And well I'm sorry it took me a bit more then a week to produce, but it really wasn't an easy chapter to write and I struggled quite a bit! I'm still not completely confident with what I'm presenting and I hope I don't disappoint! That being said, I just wanna point out that I'm now a lonely lonely girl, since my gf has just left for 3 months and i will be seeing very little of her! So sorry if the amount of angst remains high! I'm trying to be all fluffy but it's hard :P**

**I think I've talked enough! You guys just go read this :) OH before you go, I wanna plug some amazing set of DJ I had the pleasure to meet last weekend! If you don't know them, go check it out cuz they're fantastic and really fucking sweet! They're called Kids at the Bar :) **

**Disclaimer: Do I really need to put one in like... every chapter? I think we all know I don't own Skins!**

**Finallyyyyy: It's Hyperfitched's birthday today! So anyone who hasn't wished her a rocking party yet... you should do it now :)**

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 17:

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When I came to, I was lying on a hard surface. I blinked my eyes open and was blinded by white lights. Very bright white light. Neon white lights, I realized. When my vision got accustomed to this new unpleasant brightness, I noticed a white ceiling. I sighed. It had to be the Hospital this time, right? But then, why was I lying on a hard surface? Hospital beds were shit, but certainly not that bad. As I became more and more conscious, my body awareness came back to me as well. Slowly, I felt all my senses seep through my body once more. I moved my palms flat against the surface and figured I was on a floor. Probably a linoleum floor by the feel of it. I tilted my head to the left and saw desk legs. I frowned a little and then I realized; I was actually in a classroom. What? Why on earth would I be in a classroom? I sat up slowly, trying to fight the slight dizziness that was invading me and looked around myself. Yep, definitely a classroom and if the drawings on the walls were anything to go by, it was a kid's classroom, most likely primary. Was I in Emily's class? I looked around myself and spotted the green blackboard and frowned some more. Emily's blackboard had been black, I was sure of it. Then where was I? Which classroom was this and why did it somehow feel familiar? I was still trying to figure it out when a voice caught my attention.

"Why are you on the floor? Did you fall or something?"

I snapped my head up and stared at a young girl sitting carelessly behind some desk, some crayons in hand. I felt my heart beat faster as I took in her brown plaits, icy blue eyes, white, slightly dirty polo T-shirt, pale blue jeans and red sneakers.

"_Oh god not again!"_ I thought.

There was no doubt though, I was looking at a twelve year old version of me. She (or I, Jesus I wasn't getting used to that) quirked an eyebrow at me. When I didn't answer her question, she shrugged and went back to drawing. I got to my feet and walked carefully towards her. She looked up again and eyed me suspiciously.

"You look familiar" she said.

"I bet I do" I replied sarcastically.

"You look… you look like me" she stated.

I felt a little surge of pride at her words. It was comforting to see I had been a smart kid and could actually recognise myself even though I was older.

"It's because I _am_ you. Only 12 years older" I said trying to gauge her reaction.

She nodded slowly. I was a bit surprised by just how unfazed she looked. Surely she couldn't be used to see older versions of herself, could she?

"Is this a dream then?" she said.

"I'm not sure. I think I hurt my head again"

"Again?"

"Yes, again. And the last time we thought it might be some subconscious thing"

"We?"

"Well… Me and… me, you? 18 year old us?"

"Oh. Okay then" the small brunette said. "So what are we supposed to do now?"

If my 18 year old self had been rude and bitchy, my twelve year old me was definitely nicer although very much to the point. To be honest I felt for my mother at that point. I couldn't imagine going from to-the-point-but-other-then-that-nice "me" to annoyingly-grouchy-and-unpleasant-teenager "me". I'd have to remind myself to thank her for patiently waiting for me to get my head out of my arse and remember that smiling wasn't so freaking hard.

"I'm not sure but last time we talked about what had happened to me during the day. So, I guess you could tell me what happened in yours? Anything special?" I said.

My younger self thought for a few seconds and then stared at her drawing. The next second, a huge blush had covered her neck, cheeks and ears. I didn't know what had struck her then but I was fairly certain that it was what we were supposed to talk about. If talking about anything was actually the reason of these subconscious meeting that is. Because I seriously still understood pretty much nothing of this whole mess.

"Well… I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen today" the small me whispered, reddening even more.

I walked closer to her desk and looked down at her drawing after she said that and saw that she had drawn a girl with a bow in her hair. Of fucking course. Why was I even surprised?

"She had long and soft brown hair with a little bow in it. Tommy McDougal thought it was silly, but I think it was cute. Anyway, she had these really bright brown eyes, I've never seen eyes like that before, I thought they were nice! Probably the nicest eyes ever and… oh! She's tiny too! Like small all over! She looks a bit fragile, but it suit her I think it's cute! And she's got this tiny little button nose and she has a rather nice smile, just shy you know? Her name is Emily and she's a twin! But I don't like her sister very much, she seems a bit mean, not like Emily." 12-year-old Naomi continued sounding well excited.

I had to laugh a little at the Katie part. Okay, I'll be honest, it was rather cute to see how completely smitten I already was with Emily. As I looked at my younger counterpart quickly telling me everything about Emily, I realized how foolish I had been to be surprised that my mother had noticed right away. I mean, please, it was more then a little obvious.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked. "Do you know them? Are Emily and I friends in the future?"

She was smiling so brightly that I felt something tug at my heart. What could I tell her about Emily? I'm not sure my twelve year old self was ready to learn about the depth of her feelings for the other girl. Actually, I _was_ sure that she wasn't. She'd properly freak out and I didn't think it was my job to break it to her. She'd have to realize it all on her own.

"You… could say that"

"Brilliant! She looks so…" she said clearly searching her words. "nice"

"She is"

"And she _really_ is beautiful. All the boys in the class were talking about her sister Katie, but I think it's just because she was being louder and clearly looking for their attention because Emily is _way_ prettier!"

"I think so too" I said with a smile.

What? Emily _was_ prettier!

"Obviously! We're the same person silly!"

"Right"

"So?" she said looking at me expectantly.

"So what?" I cocked my eyebrow.

The twelve year old gave me the Campbell eye roll. Really? At twelve? Jesus, when had I actually started this habit of mine?

"So Emily! How close do we become in the future?"

"hum…" I hesitated.

"Well?"

"Really really close…"

"Brilliant! Like best friends?"

"Yeah. Like best friends" I said.

I knew I wasn't telling the whole truth, but at least I wasn't lying either. Emily and I had grown to become best friends along with lovers. I had always been able to be completely myself when with her. I still felt a little guilty though that I was letting on that we had been _just_ friends. Also, I couldn't help but think that I wasn't even sure we were still anything. The feeling tugged at my heartstrings more than a little.

"What's the matter? You're weird." Mini-me said.

"Nothing!" I replied a bit too quickly.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?" she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"Well lying to yourself is never easy" I shot back wisely.

"I suppose it isn't! So? Just tell me!"

"Okay then, with Emily… The thing is… We were really close, but then I hurt her"

The small brunette looked thoughtful for a moment. I had expected a stronger reaction from her to be honest. I mean there she was all ecstatic that Emily and she would become the best of pals and here I was telling her she'd fuck it up somehow along the line. I guess I expected some kind of insults about my complete inability to be nice to someone or something. I definitely didn't remember being that composed or nice at twelve. I mean the bitchy teenager _had_ to have come from somewhere no?

"Oh… what did you do?"

"Something really bad. I lied to her and deceived her and then abandoned her when she needed me the most" I said thinking of both my reality and the last I had been in.

"But didn't you make up for it? Mum always says that if you hurt someone, you've got to be nice until you make up for it"

I gave her another sad smile. I had certainly tried.

"I tried, but I don't think she trusts me anymore"

"Do you think she will again, that you'll be friends again?" she said curiously.

I thought about it for a moment before replying.

"I don't think so…" I muttered feeling the now familiar tears well up in my eyes.

"You must have done something really bad then" she rationalised.

"I did"

I though about my life and the reality I had experienced for a while. I hated how many doubts I had about everything. I couldn't help but feel like Emily was better off without me. Hadn't the fucked up reality showed me how she could be fulfilled and happy in a relationship that didn't involve myself? I mean I _had_ fucked up her life rather a lot hadn't I? I had made her work so fucking hard and then cheated. In one reality I had fought for her and thought I made her happy. I had longed so much to return there, home. But had she really been happy? Hadn't this other Emily, the one I hadn't fought for, told me she couldn't trust me? I couldn't help but wonder, if that was how _my_ Emily felt with me. Was that why she had kissed her co-worker? What if she'd just been completely happier without having met me at all? She surely seemed happy with Callie. I had only made her life more complicated in the end. I had brought her grief and tears and now I was questioning if every smile and laugh had been hiding deceit and distrustfulness. I remembered with a sinking feeling her soppy smile at the wedding and felt my stomach clench. This other girl had brought her joy and beauty and giggles. Didn't I love Emily enough to want that for her? Smiles and laughter and happiness? I did, I really did. Once I had thought that I could bring her the most happiness possible, now I wasn't so sure. I was completely confused.

"I… I think her life would be better if I hadn't met her." I told my other self slowly.

We were both silent for a few minutes. I had sat down at the desk next to hers by that time and I was contemplating my knitted hands. I had now broken the heart of 18 year-old me and I was telling twelve year-old me that I had ruined the life of the person she would come to love the most. Not that she knew it. Still, I really had pleasant subconscious discussions with myself didn't I? Fuck's sake.

"You really think she'd be better without us?" the little girl said in a whisper courageously locking her gaze with mine.

I looked into her (my) sad eyes and waited before answering. I really loved Emily to bits and didn't think I could live without her, but I had caused her so much pain that I couldn't bear the idea of causing her more. If I loved her as much as I pretended to do, I had to admit it. She _was_ better off without me.

"Yes. I really do think so"

My little self nodded before looking back at her drawing. I could tell she was completely crestfallen. I frowned in sadness as I saw a lone tear fall down from her eye and lend on her drawing. It drove her attention to it and I saw her hesitate a little. She then grabbed it, rumpled it and threw it in front of her, sniffling and fighting back more tears. My heart broke a little for her. I got up from my chair and kneeled next to her. She turned to look at me and I gave her a small tentative smile.

"It's okay, we'll be alright"

I wasn't sure if she believed me. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I believed me myself, but I felt like I needed to comfort her, reassure her somehow. I reached out my hand and placed it on her shoulder. And then it all went black.

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When I felt consciousness slip through my body again, I was well above confused. I was feeling like I was waking up from a coma to be honest. Well, at least how I _assume_ waking up from a coma felt like. My brain felt all foggy and my legs and arms were numb. Even as I breathed slowly and felt my chest heave in response, it felt weird. I didn't know if I'd have it in me to move, if I'd be able to. Movement felt very alien. I heard the sound of a shower going off in the distance. I frowned a little at the noise. Even my ears felt odd, like they were unaccustomed to hearing anything at all, like the sound of a shower was the first to ever penetrate them. Somehow, this morning felt very different than all the others I had ever had. I was wondering what was so different about this one when it all came back to me. The failed proposal, the cheating, the argument, the accident, the other dimension, the drug dealing, the soon to be married Emily, the newly married Emily, the dead Effy, the _other_ car accident, it all came back in a flash. I snapped my eyes open and bolted upright, every trace of grogginess gone.

My heart was beating fast and it took me a moment to gather my thoughts and take in my surroundings. The first thing I noticed though was that I was in a bed, in a bedroom, but not in a hospital bedroom. It didn't smell like antiseptic and old and death. It smelled… familiar. That's when I realized I was in my flat. I mean, I was in _my_ flat. Mine and Emily's. The flat we had bought together when first getting our jobs and life together. I was home. I can't even describe properly the feeling of joy that overtook me then. All I know is that I was completely filled with glee and the sudden urge to burst into song, musical comedy style. And I _hate _musical comedy. But in that instant it didn't matter, nothing did except the fact that I was home. I started laughing hysterically alone in the middle of my bed at the sheer delightfulness of my situation. I was fucking _home_! The alarm clock next to me went off and as I turned and shut it up, I noticed the date.

_May 6__th__ 2016_

I doubled over in more laughter clutching my sides. I was chuckling so hard that tears had welled up in my eyes and my abdominals were aching. I didn't care much though; nothing could have ruined my mood and, besides, it felt good to cry of joy for once. I mean, this whole ordeal had only been one fucked up dream. Even the fucking cheating and ruined proposal since we were the 6th and the party was planned for tonight. I laughed harder as I realized how my nervousness had made me have the most vivid and terrible dream of my life. Jesus! I couldn't _believe _I had dreamed about Emily marrying someone else! And me being a drug dealer? Really my brain was addled. I was laughing so hard that I didn't hear the shower stop and I didn't hear footsteps coming closer to the room.

"What's so funny love?" I heard.

My head snapped up as I realized I didn't recognize the voice that had spoken those words. The laughter properly died in my throat as I took in the woman in front of me who was towelling her hair and walking in the room casually. My first thought was that that woman was very much naked and my second was that she was very much _not_ Emily. Oh fuck you universe! My heart faltered and I sighed heavily. Any trace of glee had seeped right out of me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to punch something or cry in despair. Both options seemed tempting. The woman turned towards me again and said:

"Are you alright? You look a bit pale…"

"I'm fine…" muttering the exact opposite of how I was truly feeling.

The woman eyed me sceptically before cocking her eyebrow at me. I tried to smile and said:

"I swear I'm fine"

"If you say so…" she replied not believing me at all and I guess couldn't really blame her.

As the woman started getting dressed I took the time to look at her. I was convinced I had never seen her before. Not in my reality or the last at least. She was quite skinny and if I had had to guess her height I would have said 5'4". She had red hair just a shade darker than Emily's and soft brown eyes as well. I had to fight the urge to actually shake my head in disbelief as I noticed that her features were quite soft and that she had a button nose. I mean, _really?_ This woman was probably the person that looked the most like Emily without actually being her I had ever seen (except Katie of course, but twins don't count). This was fucking ridiculous. I had no idea in which fucked up reality I had landed this time around, but I couldn't believe that I was living in _my flat_ with someone that was the most obvious imitation of Emily imaginable. What had I been thinking? Had this dimension's version of me truly tried to _replace_ Emily? Didn't she know Emily was irreplaceable? I couldn't figure what the fuck had gone wrong in this reality. I was brought out of my thoughts by Not-Emily.

"Babes?"

"Hum?"

"You should hurry up before Jay gets here"

"Jay?" I questioned.

She couldn't possibly mean…

"Jay, JJ! You know? Jonah Jeremiah Jones? Your mate since College? Your _best_ mate and your personal assistant as well?"

My eyes widened at her words. What! Me and JJ? Best mate? Nan! Come on! JJ and I had nothing in common! The idea was completely ridiculous. And personal assistant? For what exactly?

"Right" was all I could reply.

The woman (I'd have to learn her name at some point) eyed me curiously again.

"You're fucking weird this morning…"

"Yeah… Sorry…"

"Anyhow, shower, now!" she said pointing at the bathroom door.

I got up quickly and started walking to the said bathroom. I noticed right away that I was wearing one of these sexy satin babydolls thingy. It was black and lacy and it made me cringe. I slept in baggy t-shirt and knickers or stark naked. And I had never liked these types of pjs because they had always felt so fucking stereotypically made for males and anyway mum had spent most of my childhood bitching about how any self appreciative woman could not even _contemplate_ wearing such things. I shook my head a little and continued to the bathroom. Once inside, I decided that a warm shower really would make me feel better. Okay, so maybe I was taking to this reality switch a bit better than the last time (a lot better actually) but I could still feel the migraine coming on. I couldn't believe it was happening all over again. Seriously, what had I ever fucking done to the universe that was so bad to deserve this shit? T_wice_!

I opened the tap and proceeded to undress when Not-Emily entered fully dressed and started busying herself around the mirror, fussing over her make-up. I observed her with wide eyes, suddenly feeling quite self-conscious. I mean I had surmised she was my girlfriend since she was, you know, living in my flat, sharing my bedroom, calling me babes and all, but I still didn't _know_ her. I must have been staring a bit too long because she turned to look at me and said:

"For Fuck's sake Naomi! We've been married for two fucking years! You'd think I'd seen you naked enough for you to be able to undress in front of me"

Hang on… WHAT? Had she just said _married_? Oh my fucking god! I was bloody MARRIED. How was that even possible? I didn't even believe in marriage all that much! I never had! It was such a patriarchal and archaic system to begin with, something the government only encouraged because it helped economically speaking. I mean, if I hadn't loved Emily so goddamn much and knew she cared about marriage, I probably wouldn't have bothered. Emily had been the only person to ever make me _want_ to get married because with Emily, I wasn't completely myself anymore. I wasn't a cynical, grumpy old hag. With Emily, I was a believer. I was soppy and fluffy and cuddly, I was all of that and even more when in the vicinity of Emily Fitch. But only with her did I believe in love enough to propose and get married, because there was only her that could make me feel this way, this _happy,_ this loved, this sure of everything. Surely I couldn't have felt like that with someone else.

Anyhow, my _wife_ (urgh that felt so weird) was eyeing me again so I got undressed as quickly as possible and was about to step under the shower's warm water when she stopped me. I tried hiding my body a bit as she walked up to me.

"Oh my god Nomi, when did you get this?"

She reached out for me and I looked down. In a matter of seconds, she was stroking my side where a white scar was noticeable. I frowned a little. It was at the same place as the 3 fresh ones I had had in that other reality only this time there was only one and it seemed old since it was completely healed.

"That wasn't there yesterday…" Not-Emily said confidently.

"But… that doesn't make any sense, it's a scar"

"I know but it wasn't there yesterday! I checked your body thoroughly, believe me" she said with a wink.

That was certainly bizarre. Was it a remnant of my other reality travel? Did that mean I really had been there then? But, why was it scared when it had been fresh there if it was a little souvenir? All of this made absolutely no sense. My head was properly spinning with all these thoughts about other realities and whatnots.

"The only scar you've ever had is this one" Not-Emily said stroking my right shoulder.

I looked down quickly and my eyes widened… again. There, near the top of my shoulder and slightly to the right was a small round scar. I had absolutely no idea what it was.

"But I love this one" my wife continued. "Reminds me every time that I married such a brave woman"

She smiled up at me and I tried returning the smile. I was just only a bit more confused though. Brave? Brave for what? How had I gotten that bloody scar?

"Anyway!" the woman snapped out of her loving daze. "Jay will be there any minute! Shower"

She pecked me on the lips before slapping me playfully on the arse. And that seriously had to be the weirdest moment of my life. How could I possibly be comfortable? I had never been with anyone but Emily and here I was in a reality where I was married and had this very domestic relationship with someone who was (to me) a complete stranger. This was just… awkward. I think I actually liked it better when I was a drug dealer. Okay so dealing with the police hadn't been that nice, but at least I hadn't had to deal with a girlfriend, less alone a wife. I stepped in the shower and tried to mull things over. There were so many questions battling themselves in my brain that it was properly frying. I couldn't quite believe what was happening. Actually, scratch that. I couldn't believe it was happening, _again_!I tried to establish what I knew about this reality to make some sense out of it. As far as I knew, I was still me, still in 2016 and still in Bristol. I guess that had to be good. At least the universe hadn't majorly fucked up and placed me in the wrong body or something. Apparently, I had still gone to College at Roundview since I knew JJ, unless we had both gone to a different College. Even so, for the life of me I couldn't figure why we were best friends. I had always been a bit of an outcast in College… But I had been more of the type to stay on my own rather than make friends so… that didn't explain why JJ and I had become best chums… Had I not been friends with the others? Fucking hell I hated this stupid alternate reality deal. It always ended up fucking with your mind, _always_.

A few minutes later, I stepped out of the shower and quickly towel dried myself. When I got back to my room, my Not-Emily wife was gone. I went through some drawers and put on the first jeans and t-shirt I could find. I lingered a bit, opening the bedside table to try and get a feel of this new reality. The more information I would gather, the better. I found an old envelope.

_Samantha Wells-Campbell_

That had to be my wife! Okay, so I now knew that Not-Emily was actually called Samantha. It was a start and it would definitely come in handy to know her bloody name. I moved on from the bedside table to the nearby bookcases. There were a lot of books about psychology and politics, some magazines, but nothing that revealing. Next to the bookcase though was a desk with a few picture frames on it. I took them eagerly, willing to discover as much of this reality as I could. I wouldn't make the same mistake as last time and let things surprise me. This time I would own the change. Or… you know… try to. At least my normal flat and normal domestic life suggested I had a legal job. At least I hoped so. I had experienced being arrested once; I didn't need to try it again. The one time would suffice my curiosity. Curiosity I should note that never expended to include being arrested…

There weren't a lot of pictures, but it was better than nothing. There was one of Samantha and I that had obviously been taken at our wedding (if our white dresses were anything to go by). There was one of Samantha, JJ, some girl I didn't know (probably JJ's girlfriend or something) and I around a patio table with drinks in our hands. The other one had been taken at Keith's pub and I could tell it dated from my College days. I was relieved to see the familiar faces of our little gang. I stared at our young faces, smiling broadly at the camera. Panda and Thomas were sitting on the left hand side of the booth huddled together, JJ and Cook were right after. Cook had his right arm slung over JJ's shoulders and was looking positively wasted, a beer in his left hand. Next to JJ was Freddie who was laughing at his two best mates with one arm carelessly draped around Effy's waist. I was sitting right next to Eff and we were both smirking knowingly, looking like two regular happy teenagers. Okay, so I had definitely known the others then. So why on earth was JJ my best mate now?

I scanned the picture again and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Neither Emily nor Katie were in it. I frowned and looked at the other pictures on display. That's when I noticed that, in all the pictures that seemed to date from my College years, none of them contained any traces of either twin. There was one of Cook, Effy and I, even one of Freddie giving me a piggy back ride, but the more I looked, the more obvious the twins' absence became. I felt my throat squeeze as I remembered something.

_I think her life would be better if I hadn't met her_

I had said that. I had _told_ my twelve year old self that. Just like I had told my eighteen year old safe that I shouldn't have made my love speech to Emily. And last time, I had ended up in a reality where I hadn't made that speech. What if… What if this time I was in a reality where I didn't know Emily Fitch? I felt my face drain of all colors at the thought. I looked again at the pictures, desperately trying to find one I had missed before, but I didn't. I walked to my bedside table and found a cellphone lying there. I grabbed it and quickly went through my contacts. No Emily and no Katie. Oh god. What had I fucking done now?

"NAOMI?" I heard the voice I now knew belonged to Samantha shout through the flat and effectively interrupting my train of thought.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"Jay's here!"

Right, JJ. I shook my head a little and proceeded down the stairs to the kitchen. Sure enough, I came face to face with a full grown JJ as I walked into the room. I have to admit though that he looked quite smart with his black trousers, white dressed shirt with fine green stripes, black coat and black rimmed glasses. Suddenly I felt a little underdressed. Well, it's not like I had any idea what my job actually was in this dimension. When he saw me though, JJ gave me a broad smile. I guess my attire didn't bother him much.

"Good morning Naoms! I've got your tea waiting in the car and I picked up your suit at the dry cleaners! All ready to go then?"

I nodded slowly at the man. It was rather special to be on such good terms with JJ. The fact that he had slept with Emily had never really helped our friendship to be honest. I wasn't jealous or anything, but I certainly didn't like the idea that he had seen that part of the redhead. And quite frankly, I suspected JJ was a bit afraid of me still, even as we grew into adulthood. And even before that particular event, JJ and I never really had talked. Like I said, we didn't have much in common. I had always been a bit too impatient as a teenager to stand his rambling. So to have him calling me "Naoms" and buying me tea was a bit awkward. I mean he was even picking up my dry cleaners apparently, although that last part figured, I guess, since Samantha had told me he was my PA. I had yet to find out what the hell I did for a living that required the need of a PA, though.

I was about to follow JJ through the door when he turned around and cocked his eyebrow at me. I didn't know what was wrong until he sort of motioned behind me. I turned around and saw Samantha looking at me sadly. Oh right, I guess I sort of had to say goodbye to her. I walked back to the redhead and placed a soft kiss on her lips. It felt just as weird as it had earlier before the shower. Not that she was a shit kisser or anything, because she wasn't. Her lips were perfectly warm and soft and overall pleasant. But they didn't taste like Emily's, they feel like Emily's and they didn't fit with mine like Emily's.

"See you tonight?" she said and I nodded.

When I had put on some shoes and stepped outside, JJ was already waiting for me in a metallic grey CT200h Lexus. I have to admit I sort of stared for a moment. I'm not much of a "car" type of girl. As in, I don't really care much for them and I have to admit I know close to nothing about cars, but I had always liked those models. I mean they were classy, roomy and fully hybrid. I hadn't been able to afford one in my reality though. Not that they were outstandingly expansive, but Emily and I had had other priorities. I was wondering actually if it _was_ mine or JJ's and either way what we did that made it possible for us to own such a nice car. When I stopped staring, JJ was looking at me curiously so I hurried and climbed into the vehicle.

"Are you having trouble with Sam again?" he asked me while rearing the engine to life and pointing at a steaming cup of tea in the cup holder.

I really had no idea what to reply to that since well… I had absolutely no idea, so I shrugged and sipped my tea.

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it Nai… But well… You know that usually at least 58% of people who talk about their relationship issues with a trusted person will think that it helped resolving the said issues with their current partner and-"

"Thanks Jay!" I cut him off. "I would… I just… I don't really know"

"Oh okay. Well, when you do, I'm here. I _am_ a really good listener. Actually my listening capacities could be estimated to be well above average. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm in the top 1 percentile of the population, but I'm certainly in the top 10"

I couldn't help myself and smiled at the boy. I mean, he really was a sweetheart wasn't he? Okay so yeah he rambled a lot and that still sometimes got on my nerves even though I was an adult and everything, but when you got down to it, he was only trying to be nice. We drove in silence for a little while. I was still trying to figure everything out. I didn't have much to go on though. So apparently I was married and had been for two years. I was best mates with JJ despite having gone to College with Effy, Cook and the others. My mind automatically went back to Emily then. I still didn't know if my earlier assumptions were correct or not. I glanced at JJ who was focusing on his driving and wondered. Should I just ask him? He'd tell me for sure. Was I ready to know? I didn't know if I was, but I soon realized I wasn't ready at all not to know. I couldn't live not knowing. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes, preparing myself for the worst.

"Can I ask you something Jay?"

"Of course Naomi! Anything."

"Do hum… Does the name Emily Fitch sound familiar to you?"

I waited in apprehension as JJ squinted in concentration. I knew that if we knew Emily, my question would appear utterly bizarre, but I didn't care. I was much more worried about the answer.

"Nope. Never heard the name before" replied a confident JJ after a moment.

I felt my face fall completely. Maybe I had sort of expected it, but it didn't make it any better to hear.

"Oh" I whispered after a while.

I stared in front of me at the passing blurry landscape without really paying attention. So here it was, it was official, no way to go around it. I was in a reality where Emily and I didn't know each other. I felt my chest clench in pain. The idea of such a thing was quite appalling. To be quite honest, I had never really stopped to think about what my life would be without Emily in it. She was such a crucial part of everything that I didn't really want to know. Knowing and loving Emily had opened me up and showed me a new way of being and living. She had always been right. I _had_ been a lonely bastard before she came along. I mean, yeah, it's hard to get hurt when you don't let anyone in, but it's hard to live and be happy as well. Emily had shown me that. She had shown me the line between being cautious and downright afraid. She had taught me that it was normal to be somewhat scared of getting hurt, but she had shown me how much taking the risk was worth it. She really had the kindest and most loving heart I had ever met and I guess she sort of had inspired me. I meant it completely whenever I said her presence made me a better person. Because with her love filling me, she was able to trigger it in me, this… faith… this special happiness and drive I had developed with her by my side. It really was impossible to be a cynical prick around Emily.

So the idea of never having met her… Let's just say I had an inkling that I wasn't going to be a much loved person. I remembered my days in high school and how everyone thought I was a bitch and would glare at me. I hadn't cared then and well, to be completely honest, I still didn't really care now, but then, I had made absolutely no effort to be nicer. It was only Emily who had been able to appease my bitchiness with her smiles and her touches. And my life _was _better when people didn't hate my guts. I must have been staring for a while because JJ then said:

"Should I? I mean, should I find out who she is? I could seek her out if you want"

I looked at him and thought about it. I was a bit surprised that JJ would offer that in such a casual manner, but I figured it wasn't something he was so unaccustomed to. I didn't know why, but the idea of researching some random girl seemed completely normal to him. So should I tell him to look for her then? If it was that easy... I could ask JJ to research Emily Fitch and locate her in England. If I was lucky she wouldn't be living in Glasgow or worse in another country altogether. Maybe he would be able to give me her contact or something and then… And then what exactly? Then I'd call her? To say what? What could I possibly tell her?

"_Hi, my name is Naomi Campbell. No, not the model. So hum… I can't really explain it, but we should meet because you and I could be really good together. Interested?"_

Somehow I doubted that would go really well and did I really fancy getting another restraining order dumped on my ass? No, not really. I had no idea how her life was here, how her life was without me, without having ever met me, without the knowledge that I was even out there, that I existed. It broke my heart to imagine that the name "Naomi Campbell" only triggered images of shoes and anger management to this Emily. It was a bit unbearable to think that I was no one to her, that I could walk passed her in the streets and she wouldn't even notice the encounter, that it would mean nothing to her because _I_ meant nothing to her.

I wanted to believe her life was terrible, that she was missing out, but the thoughts of the last reality came back to me. It had seemed so much like I was always the one element that hurt her and fucked up her life in the end. I remembered my conversation with my twelve year old me. I had meant it. Every single word. I did think that Emily was better off without me. And this was exactly how it was. She was without me. Could I be selfish enough to seek her out? Force myself into her life… again? I couldn't do that. I couldn't hurt Emily. She deserved to be happy, she deserved to be loved properly. I had thought I could do it, but clearly, I had never been good enough despite what she had claimed. I closed my eyes and shook my head, fighting off the goddamn tears that were forming in my eyes. I had always known I was not good enough for Emily Fitch. How could I be? She was just… just too pure. A fantastic human being. And I was nothing in comparison. I had been a pathetically scared little girl and I guess I wasn't much better of a grown up.

"No… But thanks JJ" I whispered, making my final decision.

He smiled at me and nodded briefly before turning his eyes back on the road. I let out a big sigh and leaned my head on the car window, willing the cold surface freeze my brain. Something red caught my eye and I was brought back to thoughts of Emily. I started tracing patterns on the window with my fingers. I traced what I remembered to be the shape of her face, the straight line of her jaw. I traced the line of her cute little button nose, I traced the line of her lips, her soft perfect lips that just fitted so well with mine. I traced the curve of her breast, of her hips, willing myself if only for a second to remember what they felt like under my careful touch. I wondered for a moment if I'd ever be allowed to touch them again, to touch Emily again. If I'd ever be allowed to just _look_ at Emily. The thought of never seeing her again was devastating. I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without looking at her small form sleep next to me, without feeling her warm body cuddle into mine. Emily Fitch was my heroin and like a junkie, I was pathetically addicted to her. I missed her, more than I ever had in my life. It's funny how before meeting her I didn't understand what missing someone was. It's hilarious that I actually thought I was above the feeling. I had always considered myself independent. I didn't need to be with anyone, I chose to be. So why would I possibly miss them? I still didn't know why, but I certainly knew I could. Emily had dug herself a place in my life, in my heart that no one else could seem to fill. So not seeing her for the rest of my life… I wasn't sure I could do it.

I forced the feelings out of my mind and willed myself to stare at the scenery, forcing my eyes to overlook every little hint of red. Maybe if I stared enough and waited long enough, it would hurt less. I doubted it, but I'd try. For Emily, for her happiness, I was ready to do anything.

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**Right… Now I know this looks bad and well… I guess it sort of is! But… trust me? I know where I'm going with this. In a general sense :P Okay so I'm rather nervous to know how you'll react to this one... As I've said, I'm not particularly in love with the chapter, but I guess it will have to do. So, thoughts about the new reality? Mad? Bored? Excited? Ambivalent? Don't be shy to tell me! And I **_**know**_** JJ and Naomi friendship right! I don't think it's been explored all that much so well, I shall do it :) And if it makes no sense to you, wait for me to explain further? Thanks again for the last chapter love! Oh and here is the moment where I say fill the gf-shaped hole in my heart with reviews! Please! Pretty please! :P **


	18. Chapter 18

**!RIDICULOUSLY LARGE A/N ALERT!**

**Oh you people! I only have fuzzy feelings for you all! I'm actually so relieved that you guys liked where I went with this! SO relieved! But seriously I can never thank you enough for all the kind words and all the love! My heart is properly filled now I swear :) And well thanks for the name calling! I actually liked it! Being called the Queen of Angst is quite nice! But my personal favourite was definitely when Vanle called me a spawn of Satan! I laughed so hard you have noooo idea! Also, sorry for the slightly longer time it took me to update! I've had a busy week with a test that meant a big deal regarding my future career. It was rather hard to focus on anything else. But yay for me I passed it and can now move on and write some more :) **

**Important side note on alternate realities in Manifolds.**

**Right, on a little side note here I just wanna make something clear with you all. Loads of you have made the comparison between this story and the Butterfly Effect. First, I wanna tell you that I'm not mad that you did and I can quite see your point! Now though, I sort of want to say a few words to you about this story to explain to you how this is **_**not**_** like the Butterfly Effect! Like I've said, I'm not mad by the comparison, but since it's not exactly like that, I have to rectify it in your brains for the story to make sense! I'm not going to say much, but I can already tell you that I'll be explaining things further when this story is completely over! I'll make a special A/N for it! Now, in the context of this story, it's important to note that Naomi has ****NO**** real control over anything. In BE, Ashton's character can go back to the past and change his reality by changing the actions he's done in the past. In this story, Naomi isn't actively going back in the past even though she's met her younger selves. These discussions are merely supposed to be subconscious. Anyone read Harry Potter here? Of course you have. Well think about one of the last chapter in DH, the one with Dumbledore, I see it a bit like that. As for the realities, I see them all existing in parallel to each other. So what happens in one reality doesn't affect the others as they are all completely independent from each other. So yeah, when I say that Naomi has never met Emily, I mean it just as simple as that. Little Naomi didn't just decide not to befriend little Emily, they've actually **_**never**_** met. Naomi is in a **_**completely**_** different world. She's experiencing it, but she, as the individual she is and grew to be while living her own reality, had nothing to do with how it's turned out. I'll explain further at the complete end what this all means and how this all works in my mind, but I just felt the need to sort of clarify at least this now. If you have any other questions or if you don't understand it at all, feel free to PM me :) I'll answer as best as I can without spoiling the rest!**

**Now, I've definitely talked enough! Enjoy the chapter! **

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 18:

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We drove on for a few more minutes before reaching a large building that looked quite modern. It was composed of a fair mix of concrete, black vinyl and large windows. I looked at the big red and white sign above the main entrance.

_Liveline Studios_

Studios? What could I possibly do that had anything to do with a studio? I had never had any ambition to do any studio-related job. Nevertheless, JJ parked the car and stepped out, picking up my suit from the back. I followed him as he walked confidently to the main door.

"Mrs. Campbell, Mr. Jones" saluted the security guard as we walked by.

I gave him a small smile and he looked utterly flabbergasted. Right, so I guess I really _was_ a bitch in this reality. At least to the security… Great, just what I fucking needed, people hating me in a completely unfamiliar environment. This day was just getting better and better.

I followed JJ trying to be as subtle as possible and not appear too lost. Although I have to admit I had no idea where we were going or where we had come from for that matter. After going up in some classy elevator, JJ took a few turns and finally stopped in front of a big wooden door with a golden plate on it saying "Naomi Campbell". He quickly unlocked the door and I stepped inside after him.

It had to be said, my office was pretty fucking nice and big. The entire thing was modernly decorated and furnished and the back wall was in fact, a large window. The floor was made of authentic bamboo hardwood and the walls were painted in a light grey. A large glass desk stood in the middle, a Mac carelessly placed on it. Just the swivel chair place behind the desk looked fancy with its black leather high back that curved around the edges to hug your body. The east wall was a huge built-in white bookcase filled with various books, magazines, random sculptures and picture frames. On the west side of the room I could see a suspended round white chair and a door leading to what I could only guess was a personal bathroom. I walked a bit further in and saw that on the wall behind me, facing my desk, was a large 4 pieces triptych painting by Osnat. I had always liked his modern abstract work, but had never really found the spare money to buy anything of his. This one piece though I knew really well and had always loved because of its vibrant red color clashing with the black and white. It was called "The Story of my Life". I remembered first liking it because of the title and the way that the red seemed to me like it was taking over the dark colors, lighting up the painting. I could definitely connect with that, red fighting off the self inflicted darkness of my own life. So "The Story of my Life" had always felt like the _actual_ story of my life.

When I was done looking at the room, I turned to look at JJ.

"I'll let you get changed and go see if the set is ready!"

I nodded as the brunette walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. I didn't like the sound of "the set" one bit. I really really hoped I wasn't some kind of actress, because my acting skills were shit. I took in my surroundings a little and saw a few framed documents on the wall next to the bathroom door. From afar I could spot some diplomas, but also what looked like newspaper articles. I walked closer to investigate since I had no idea what kind of article I'd ever find important enough to frame. Especially since I didn't seem to be a journalist here so it wasn't very likely that the article was one of mine which would have won The British Press Award or something.

When I was level with the article, I felt my eyes widen at the title.

_Campbell gets shot_

What the actual fuck? I read on.

_Naomi Campbell, Minister for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, was shot this afternoon at a Convention on the "Tree Health and Plant Biosecurity Action Plan" in London._

Minister… for environment… No way!

…_Was brought to the London Bridge Hospital where a team of surgeons…_

Seriously? I had been shot at and transported to the hospital?

_Luckily, the bullet lodged in her shoulder managed to miss the main joints and bones._

Well that explained the shoulder scar… I couldn't believe that I had been a minister! I mean, yeah I liked politics, but I had never actually thought of being a politician. Well… That's not true. I _had _sort of considered it as a kid, but I had never been really serious about it. And then I had met Emily and the idea of working for the government ha actually been dropped. It's really when I had traveled with my little redhead that I had figured I wanted to do something that had to do with world's politics. Emily had already known then that she wanted to study English and she had started telling me all about her lessons. She had talked to me about linguistics and writing and that's then that I had figured just how much I actually liked that. The more Emily talked, the more I was interested. I started reading different magazines and papers and soon figured that I wanted to be a journalist. Obviously with a world politics orientation. But I guess in a world where I hadn't met Emily, it was fair to say I had probably never realized my love for writing and had pursued a more full on career in politics. Was I still minister though? Somehow I doubted it. I mean, ministers worked in the parliament right? Not some kind of studio. I guess I'd have to figure out later what had happened with that particular job. Although I guess being shot at might have had something to do with it.

I snapped out of my thoughts and decided to walk in the bathroom. I retrieved the suit JJ had put on a hook from its plastic sheath. It was a very nice two piece grey suit made of some expensive looking material. There was also a magenta blouse. I quickly took off my plain attire to put on this more sophisticated one. When I looked back at my reflection, I was a bit stunned. That suit really fitted me in the way that it emphasized all the good parts of me and hid all the bad. It seriously made me look a lot more like the grown-up I didn't feel I was. I tried to fix my hair, but after a few seconds of desperate attempts I figured it was pointless. I went back into my office and spotted the bookcase again.

I decided to walk to the bookcase to look at the picture frames. It's not like I had anything better to do and just like I had done earlier this morning in my room, I wanted to look at each and every one of them to soak myself in this new reality. I didn't know how long I'd be here or if I'd be here forever, so I guess it was safer to prepare myself. I have to admit a vague thought of just throwing myself into moving traffic again struck me then. Can you really blame me? It had "worked" I guess since I was no longer in that other reality, but it hadn't brought me home either. Maybe that was what my future would be like now, living through various versions of how my life could have been. I wasn't sure I was thrilled about that perspective. I guess some part of me still wished I'd be granted to go home eventually. I still didn't have the slightest idea how I was supposed to manage that though. Hence, the throwing myself in moving traffic thoughts. Deep down, I knew it wasn't nearly as simple as that though. I was actually pretty sure that if I were to do it now, I'd only end up severely injured in the hospital or dead.

I refocused my attention on the photographs. The first thing I noticed was that there was none of Samantha. I have to admit it was rather odd considering that she was supposed to be my wife and everything. Then why didn't I have any pictures of her in my office? I turned to examine my desk in case I had missed the presence of photographs there, but I was soon set straight. There weren't any. This was well odd. I stared back at the pictures and noticed they all seemed to be work related since I was always dressed in some nice suit or skirt. I guess this version of me hadn't been that keen on showing off her personal life at work. I didn't really know why though. I personally had quite a few pictures of Emily and I back in my office at the Bristol Evening Post in my reality.

Anyway, I first spotted one of me dressed really sharply at what looked like a press conference for a campaign. Next to that one, there was one of me and Ban Ki-moon shaking hands and I have to admit I was stunned. My surprise only grew when I saw similar pictures of myself shaking hands with different personalities such as John Sauven and Andy Atkins. Bloody hell! I had never imagined I'd be connected with these people. It was quite bewildering to see and also to know that I had apparently achieved that under the age of 25. That's when I remembered JJ's comment to me in the car.

He had asked me if Samantha and I had been fighting _again_. I guess being young and successful didn't go hand in hand with a married life. I thought about it for a moment and realized just how much this had to be true. I mean I was already working quite a lot in my own reality. My journalist job wasn't always the busiest, but I often had had to run to some conference or last minute interview in the past, much to Emily's displeasure. I tried to balance my deadlines with my love life and I had always managed fairly well. Of course, it wasn't always easy, but I had always made it important to priorities Emily before my work. After all, she meant so much more to me than a job. I couldn't imagine how I'd dealt with the workload in this reality though. I mean, yeah journalist was a handful, but minister had to be quite worse. If JJ's question was an indicator for anything, I was probably dealing with it with fairly poor fashion.

My eyes roamed the shelf again until it caught a picture of Effy and I. It was the only one that was not work related. I grabbed it to examine it closer. Effy and I looked no older than 17. The brunette was smiling knowingly at the camera while I had my arm around her shoulders and was placing a sloppy kiss to her temple. I felt my eyes well up at the sight. I guess things would be different here, but I could still very well remember how losing Effy had been and seeing her like this, looking so innocent, so young killed me. I brushed my thumb over her face and continued to stare at the picture for a few minutes. I was trying hard not to let my feelings rule me, to remind myself that I was in a different reality now, but it wasn't as easy as that. Not when I could still feel the coldness of Effy's hand in mine and hear the beeping of the machines, humming with a sombre finality. I felt a tear escape my eye and fall the length of my cheek slowly. Part of me wanted to wipe it away quickly to make every little hint of my weakness disappear, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the picture. We both looked so _happy_. With my arm around her shoulder like that and my cocky grin through my kiss, I nearly looked like her girlfriend. I could tell though that the kiss had only been friendly. I knew Eff and I enough to be able to tell. But still, I looked right possessive of my friend and it hurt my heart a little. I had _always_ been sort of protective of Eff. I had always cared for her and she had played a big part in my life. She had been the only one to call me out on my bullshit with Emily in our first year of College and the only one not to judge me for anything. She hadn't judged me for being attracted to the redhead in the first place and she hadn't judged me for having a hard time with it. She hadn't judged me for the whole Sophia debacle either. Effy had understood like she always did. We really were quite similar in our fear of love, only, we lived it differently.

And in the end… I had abandoned her. I hated myself for it. Effy had always been there for me, even in a fucked up reality and I had let her down. A little voice in my head was trying to remind me that in my own reality, Effy had been fine, had gotten through it. And yeah, I had played a big role in her recovery. Effy had told me that herself. I had always been at her side, sometimes even ditching Emily to rush over. But still, I couldn't toss away the depressing feeling that was poisoning my insides. In the last reality, I had failed her. It was hard for me to focus on anything else than that. That fact that, in the end, when it had mattered, I hadn't been there and I had watched powerless as the life escaped my friend. Effy had always been aloof and mysterious, but to see her completely gone, an empty shell, had been the worst vision I could imagine. I felt more tears running down my cheeks and swore to myself that I'd make it up to her in this reality.

At that moment, I heard a soft knock on my door and the next minute, JJ was walking in. I tried to turn my back to him and wipe away the stupid tears, but before I even had time to put the picture back down, JJ had crossed the room and pulled me into a tight hug. It was a bit weird to be that close to JJ, but I have to admit that there was something comforting about his arms, like it was normal for me to be there. After a few seconds, I felt my body relax and Jay softly kiss the top of my head. I was surprised by how better I felt afterwards. I pulled myself away from the hug a bit and stared into Jay's blue eyes. He gave me a tender smile before taking the picture still clutched between my fingers and putting it back on the shelf.

"You miss her, don't you?" he asked.

I frowned a little. I wasn't sure what he was saying. Probably because he could tell, JJ motioned his chin towards the picture and that's when I caught sight of something else I had completely missed. I felt my eyes widened and my heart stop. No…

Right behind all the pictures was a little bookmark pinned to the wall. In the upper part of it was a picture of Effy and she looked no older then 17. I knew what that meant, but I let my eyes trail the length of the bookmark anyway.

.

_Elizabeth Stonem_

_1992-2010_

_When she was just a girl_

_She expected the world_

_But it flew away from her reach_

_So she ran away in her sleep_

_She closed her eyes_

_In the night, the stormy night_

_Away she flied_

_._

I felt my throat squeeze and I held on to JJ. I didn't care if it was awkward or not, I just needed someone to be there. I felt more tears coming and I really couldn't hold them there. Fuck! Effy was dead? I mean Effy had been dead for 6 years! That meant she had died in College… I had already decided to let Emily be and here I was finding out that Effy was dead. Oh the irony of my situation! I had walked into fucking _moving_ traffic to avoid the pain it caused me to live in a world without Emily and Effy and here I was being sent in a world _without Emily and Effy_! I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it. I wasn't sure if I had that kind of strength in me. It had been bad enough to lose them both once, but losing them twice was excruciating. After a few minutes of crying, I felt myself relax in JJ's tight grip. I was a bit surprised that I could even manage to calm myself.

"Would you like me to tell Paul that you're not up to filming the show today?" he asked.

I sniffled a little and nodded. I _still _didn't know what the hell he was on about, but whatever show it was and whatever role I had, they'd have to do without me. I wiped my eyes fiercely and walked to my computer as JJ left the office once again. Booting the thing up, I sat behind my desk and waited patiently. I needed to know. I didn't care if it took me hours to find what I was looking for, but I needed to know what had happened to Effy. I tried every search engine I could think of and every combination of names and titles that would apply to Effy. I found nothing. I could feel my blood boiling in anger as I typed furiously on the keyboard. I was properly obsessed and ridiculous, but I couldn't stop looking for answers. I didn't care if I looked like a nutter, I _had_ to know, I needed it like I needed oxygen. It was a primal need, visceral, and nothing would stop me. I had to know if it was my fault. I had to know if I had failed Effy in this reality too. I couldn't bear the thought of it. I couldn't imagine that I'd fuck up her life and let her down here as well. I could feel more tears building in my eyes as I came up with nothing. I tried more and typed more, I worked quicker, my fingers barely following my frantic pace. I urged them to follow though, now wasn't the time for being slow and careful. I was a journalist for fuck's sake, I was supposed to be able to type fast. The unshed tears were burning my eyes and I was transfixed, looking at the screen, not finding what I wanted. I didn't even hear JJ walking back into the room. I didn't even notice him standing next to me calling my name. I was wild and I was furious. This was supposed to work, this was supposed to be easy. This was the fucking internet. Weren't you meant to find everything you were looking for on the internet? For fuck's sake you could buy _anything_ even a bloody _wife_ on the internet, so how was it possible that I couldn't find what had happened to Effy? I needed the answer; I had no time to waste on searching. I needed results and I needed them now.

I was snapped out of my hysteria by JJ as he grabbed me by the shoulders and roughly pulled me away from the computer. I stared into his eyes and saw the genuine worry laced between the arcs of different blues. The brunette placed his hands carefully on my cheeks and I noticed for the first time that I had let my tears fall. JJ softly brushed the tears away with his thumbs. It was crazy how the man's calmness could soothe me like that. It's not something I would have expected, JJ having such an effect on me. When he saw that I had settled a bit, he dropped his hands to my knees and broke the eye contact to look at the computer. I saw him frown a little and then look back at me questioningly. I lifted my hand to soothe the frown lines on his forehead. I couldn't stand to worry him like that. For fuck's sake I barely knew him, had always barely known him, but I could feel that our bond in this reality had been something quite special. It was coming out of him in waves and I couldn't ignore it. JJ and I… as surprising as it was, we had shared something and we still did. I still didn't know what exactly, but there was no denying that it was there. And it didn't matter if it had been another me that had created this bond with the man, I was still feeling its effect pulling at my soul. Just like I had understood the different bond Effy and I had shared in the last reality, I could see this one as well. And I have to admit, it was nice. It was nice to know that even though I didn't have Emily or Effy here, I still had JJ, I wasn't alone.

When I saw his worry disappear a bit, I felt comfortable enough to talk.

"Please Jay… I know I'm gonna sound weird and crazy, but… can you just answer me without questioning?"

He frowned again a bit, but nodded nonetheless.

"I can't… Effy… What… What happened?" I croaked.

JJ eyed me curiously for a few seconds, staying very still. I knew he was worried again, I knew he didn't understand why I was asking, but I knew he would answer anyway.

"It was in our second year of College… She was with Freddie and she had some sort of breakdown and ran away. She said she could hear voices. Freds didn't really know what to do. Anyway, there was the carnival going on and Freddie lost her in the crowd. When he found her in an alley, she had slit her wrists" he said in a dark tone.

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. Of course… I should have known. It had happened in my reality as well, only there, Katie had found Effy in the crowd. Katie had found her and reassured her and brought her back home with a distressed Freddie in tow. Later when Effy had slit her wrists, they had both been there to save her. But in this reality… There had been no Katie to find her, no Katie to look after her and guide her to safety. So Effy had died alone in a fucking alley. When I opened my eyes again, I locked my gaze once again with JJ's. I needed to have an honest answer to my next question.

"Could I have prevented it Jay? Was it my fault?"

"No!" he exclaimed right away and I could tell he wasn't lying.

I could feel some fresh tears pouring out of my eyes as I clenched my teeth again hard before taking a big breath and speaking again:

"You promise? I didn't abandon her yeah? Promise me it wasn't my fault"

"Nai…" the man said softly before cupping my cheeks again. "It was no one's fault… Effy was sick, no one could have known and stopped it. It was bad luck that we didn't find her in time to save her"

I searched his stare for any hint of lie but didn't find it. I nodded slowly, feeling a new sense of calmness wash over me. I was still devastated that Effy was dead in this reality, but my heart ached a bit less to know that, this time, it wasn't my fault. JJ waited a few more minutes before standing up and extending his hand to me. I took it and stood up next to him.

"Right. Now for the bad news, Paul is not pleased with you cancelling the show. Apparently neither is Darrien Alden who you were supposed to interview"

I nodded again. Interview? So I was working on a show, but doing interviews? And if my feeble sport knowledge wasn't too bad, I was fairly certain that Darrien Alden was a football player. Why the hell was I interviewing football players? Well that was a long way away from minister… And I definitely didn't see how on earth I could have been aspiring to this.

"But on the good side of things, Mr. Alden is willing to reschedule at the end of the week, although that would mean we'd have to reschedule Cheryl Cole and I'm not sure if we could have her rescheduling as well. Paul is of the opinion that we'll get a better show out of Alden, but I know that you were really looking forward to getting Cole on the show. Anyway, Paul being Paul, he already decided and rescheduled Alden for the next Friday. If I'm not mistaken, given her past behaviour, Miss Cole would be 78.5% likely to reschedule and not be insulted by the last minute cancellation which is quite satisfactory and hopeful. Although that's without taking into account the likelihood that some better offer might come up or that she'll be in a particularly bad mood when we tell her about the change. In this regards, if we calculate the later risk, her chances of rescheduling with us are of-"

"Locked on Jay!" I said cutting the guy off.

"Right! Apologies. What I was meant to say is, Mr. Alden has been rescheduled for Friday and well Paul still expects you on set regardless of your current mood. He wants to run the recording of the last show with you and work on some things. What should I tell him?"

I thought about it for a few seconds. I guess it was the simplest way to know what exactly my job in this reality was without having to make an ass out of myself, but I really didn't want to go meet this Paul guy now.

"Tell him I'll come early tomorrow instead"

"He's not gonna be pleased…" said JJ slowly.

"Will he accept it though?"

"Well… Since it _is_ your talk show and since you are producing it, even though Paul likes to believe he's the boss, being the director and all, you are in fact, the real boss. So well, he won't have much choice to comply"

I nodded my head quite satisfied with JJ's answer. Sometimes his ramblings were useful. I had now gathered that I was the host of my own talk show. I still didn't understand this career move, but I guess it would be easier to go along with it now that I knew.

"Well, tell him that then and tell him I'm not up for discussion"

JJ nodded but just before walking through the door, he looked at me.

"Would you… Would you like to go visit Freddie today if we're not working?"

I stared startled at JJ. Freddie! Oh god! I hadn't even considered that he might be alive in this reality! The idea of an alive Freddie was so alien to me now after so many years without him, but it made complete sense! If Effy had died at the carnival, she had never met Foster and therefore, the murderous bastard hadn't killed Freds. I found myself nodding eagerly to JJ. I really couldn't wait to just hug Freddie. It was weird though, the idea of seeing him. A bit like thinking about bringing back the dead to life. But I couldn't think of it like that, things were different here. JJ shot me a smile and disappeared through the door.

I went back to the bathroom to change back into my jeans and t-shirt since there really was no use for the suit anymore. I came out of the bathroom and perhaps 5 seconds later, my office door burst open and some angry looking guy was walking through it. He might have been maybe an inch taller than I and probably weighted 30 pounds less. Let's just say that he wasn't intimidating me much even with his angry demeanour. Apart from being skinny, he had brown eyes and brown hair which was cut really short on the sides, but the fringe had been left untouched and fell in curls in front of his eyes. He was wearing some fairly tight black trousers with a white stripped longed sleeve shirt and a black scarf thrown carelessly around his neck. He also sported some black rimmed glasses, but instead of looking sophisticated like JJ's, they made him look pretty geeky. The fact that he was working in the television industry was such a cliché that it made me cringe.

"Campbell!" He started yelling as he faced me. "I know you're a fucking cunt, but could you _at least_ cooperate a little!"

I cocked my eyebrow at him in surprise. He was definitely not gonna beat around the bush.

"Paul?" I asked, feeling the need to confirm his identity.

"Very funny Campbell! Very mature!" he snarled. "Now get your arse on set! If you won't do the bloody interview, you might as well study your last one!"

"I'm sorry Paul, I just don't feel up to it, yeah?"

"I don't give a rat's ass if you feel up to it or not! This is your job Naomi! That's what you get _paid_ for!" he kept on yelling.

"Listen, I'll be there tomorrow early I promised, but I've got too much on my mind today"

"Oh right because your mind is _so_ much bigger and fuller than all of us right? And _of course_ if your mind is full then we must _all_ oblige and take a day off work!" he continued sarcastically.

"Right. I'm sorry Paul, I really am. I know you've got things to run and I respect that, but I just can't focus today." I said with a sigh.

Paul was silent for a moment and I could tell he was studying me. His eyebrows had shot so high on his forehead that I couldn't make them out behind his fringe.

"Bloody hell Campbell! What happened to you? Why aren't you fighting back?" he asked.

I just shrugged. I guess my bitch theory was proved even further, but I didn't have it in me to care. I didn't feel like playing an act and start bitching around. To be honest, being abrasive and cold was tiring. A lot more than actually being nice and polite.

"Fuck's sake" Paul muttered under his breath instantly losing his angry bravado. "Well… I expect you real early tomorrow morning then… Just… take care, yeah?"

I nodded and shot him a thankful smile. The man only seemed even more confused if his monstrous frown was anything to go by. He shook his head slightly and walked out the door. JJ watched him leave before turning to me.

"Well… That was possibly the nicest you've ever been to him" he stated confidently.

I shrugged again not really knowing what to say.

"I have to admit, I am impressed. You totally unsettled him there and shut him up. Brilliant strategy Naoms" piped up my friend.

I let a short laugh escape my lips before lacing my arm with JJ's.

"These predictable people are so easy to unsettle, aren't they?" I teased to JJ's amusement.

We were both still talking amiably when we made our way to the parking lot. It was nice to be able to relax a little. I never thought I'd be saying that, but being with JJ was... easy, refreshing. He was a straight forward kind of guy and being with him eased my mind of all its worries. And it was quite a feat considering I was in a place that was very much still fairly unknown to me. There were so many things I didn't know and didn't understand. I mean even my friendship with JJ was still a bit mysterious. Of course with the new information of Effy being dead, it made a bit more sense, but still… I couldn't help but wonder where Cook was. If I wasn't best friends with him then it had to mean that nothing good had happened to him. Not that I would be overtly surprised to find out so, but I still sort of wished I was mistaken. I loved Cook so much that it pained me to see how he had fucked his life in every possible reality. But, like I said, if JJ was my best mate, chances were that Cook wasn't around.

We made it to the car and JJ drove again. The ride was done mostly in silence and every passing minute, I could feel the brunette tensing up beside me. I didn't really understand why he was so anxious about going to see Freds, but I figured it was something I outta know so I didn't ask questions. I had already raised the man's suspicion by asking him about Effy, I couldn't just ask him about this if I was supposed to know. So I didn't say anything. I started to make assumptions instead. Perhaps JJ and Freddie had fought and were a bit strained at the moment. Maybe Freddie was a bit depressed or bitter after losing Eff even if that had occurred ages ago. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was living in a shitty flat, something resembling the one I had own in the last reality. He could very well be smoking his life away with no real job. I mean I had no idea if this was the case, but I didn't think it would be such a far-fetched assumption either. Knowing Freds and knowing how much he had loved Effy, I couldn't imagine him dealing with the loss properly. Maybe that was why JJ was so tense now. Surely it pained him if such was the case.

I spend the whole car ride making up scenarios of different fights and different reasons why JJ was tensing up even more as we surely got closer to our destination. I have to admit, nothing had prepared me for the actual truth.

When JJ finally stopped the car, I noticed we were parked right in front of a very grubby looking apartment building. I cringed a bit at the sight. It wasn't nice at all and quite possibly worse than my drug dealer alter ego's flat. When we were both out of the car, I shot a quick glance at JJ and saw that he was frozen, staring at some front door. I could tell that the man was flipping. I walked to him and softly placed my palm on his shoulder. His breathing seemed to ease and he shot me a look. I gave him an affectionate smile to which he responded with the same. Again, I was surprised to feel my heart swell at the sight. I couldn't believe how much this reality was affecting me, how JJ was affecting me. After a second, he nodded his head and started walking confidently to the door. I could only follow.

After JJ had knocked, we waited a few minutes on the door step. It was taking a bit of time and I soon discovered that I was more anxious than I had thought. I could feel my heart hammering away in my ribcage so hard that I was surprised it wasn't just plainly popping out of it. JJ was about to knock again when we heard footsteps inside and the next second, the door was swinging open. I have to admit I was surprised to see Leo McClair, Freddie's father, on the other side of it. And what a sight he was. The man was much thinner then I remembered him to be. He was also looking very much worse for wear with his eyes red, his shabby beard and dark bags under his eyes. But I think what stroke me the most was what I could see beyond his tired looks. The man I had in front of me was broken. Utterly and simply broken. He was looking at us, but I could tell that his eyes were merely doing that, looking. Now, I don't want to go all deep on you, but I've always noticed that there is what we call looking and what we call seeing. The difference being that to see things, you need to sort of feel them at the same time. If you're void of emotions, you can't see anything, you can only look. And as much as you look, you'll always have this empty stare, this sort of glaze making you look more blind then an actual blind person. Because blind people may not be able to look, but that doesn't mean they can't see.

I felt proper shivers run down my spine as I realized that that was exactly what Leo was doing, he was looking. It was terrible to see him like that, like he had nothing left to feel. I could only tremble even more as I realized that that could mean nothing good. After a few seconds, JJ spoke up to break the awkward silence that had settled between us.

"Well, hello Leo. Good morning"

The man looked at JJ, nodding his head slowly. I could nearly see the clogs turning in his brain as he made out JJ's words. I wouldn't say it was out of plain stupidity, but more of disinterest, like he couldn't be bothered to make out the words.

"JJ… Here to see Freds then?" he finally spoke in a croaky mumble.

"Yes, that would be the reason of our visit. Would that be alright with you then?"

"I suppose" the man said before turning around and walking back inside.

Without asking further permission, Jay and I walked into the flat and I was a bit shocked to see that the inside looked even worse than the outside. I couldn't say that the furniture was old and dirty or anything because there actually was no furniture in the flat. Even if there had been there wouldn't have been loads because the space itself was anything but big. When we stepped inside, we found ourselves to be in a small room with an old fridge and a stove in one corner and two other doors. The floor was made of old hardwood that was cracked in several places and was disgustingly sticky. I had a feeling that if I stood on the same spot for too long, my feet would actually get stuck there. There were loads of take away containers littering every little inch of the place and the walls seemed to be actually molding in places. And I won't go into details about the smells because there is no way it would be appropriate and anyway, I doubt they've invented words strong enough to describe such revolting odors. Let's just say it wasn't the flat you'd expect a full grown man to live in. I was a bit weary to see where Freddie would fit in all of this.

"This place is getting worse" muttered JJ in my ear as he passed next to me.

Ian had disappeared in the only other room of the flat apart from the washroom without a backward glance to either me or JJ. My friend gave my shoulder a light squeeze before following Leo. My heart was still beating at some hasty pace. I didn't know why I was so anxious. I guess I could feel it wouldn't be anything good. I mean in such a place could it really be otherwise? I closed my eyes for a second and tried to control my breathing, willing my body to relax. It worked a bit and I then made my way to the room.

The second I had passed the threshold, I felt my breath catch in my throat and my eyes widen in horror. Of all the scenarios, this definitely wasn't one I had considered. Leo was sat in an old chair while JJ stood a few feet away to my right. And in front of us all, was a bed, a hospital bed, with the motionless form of Freddie in it. The sight was horrible. I hadn't seen Freds in ages and here he was, lying in a bed with various tubes plugging him to different machines. I could already hear the soft beeps on his heart monitor. I felt the hairs on my arms stand up and I was truly mortified. It killed me to be here, to see this. It reminded me unmistakably of Effy and when I had lost her on a similar bed with similar machines surrounding her.

"Jesus" I whispered under my breath unable to stop myself.

Leo didn't move, but JJ gave me a sympathetic smile. But I could tell that he didn't feel an ounce of happiness. His eyes usually so full of innocence and love were filled with sadness and grief. I could tell that seeing Freddie like this was affecting the man a lot. And well, it was understandable. Freds had been his best friend after all. Things were finally starting to connect in my brain now though. With Effy being dead, Freddie as good as and Cook… well Cook being wherever he was, it was no wonder JJ and I were mates. We didn't have anyone else really did we? Both our rocks in the world were gone (mine obviously being Effy in an Emily-less world) and well I could understand how we had fallen back to each other, putting aside all our differences. It's funny in the end how no matter how different two human beings can be, when something tragic hits your life, like, really hits it, you can't get through it without forming some kind of bond. JJ and I had probably been the only leftovers of our little group of misfits. Of course my mind went to Panda and Thomas as well, but they had probably been each other's rocks and hadn't really needed either Jay or I.

I felt my throat squeeze uncomfortably as I stared longer at Freddie's limp body. I was happy that this was something that didn't require me to speak, because if I had needed to, I'm not sure I could have done it. I made a few steps forward until I was at the very edge of Freds' bed. I took another deep breath before letting my eyes roam over the form of my lost friend. For the first time in my life, I was looking at a 24 year old Freddie McClair. His features that had been engraved in my mind were no longer the soft youthful ones I had known so well in College, but a bit more pronounced, a bit more mature. He was skinnier then he had been though, if that was even possible. His cheeks were a bit hollow, making his cheekbones more prominent. His nose was still as fine and as long and his skin was still this soft tanned hue though. His lips were a bit dry, but other than that fine. His mane of black hair was still falling carelessly on his forehead looking a bit greasier then how Freddie had kept them, but I guess it was understandable. What was terrible was that even with tubes plugged into his nostrils and shoved down his throat, Fred was still effortlessly handsome. I could tell that he had aged well despite the obvious coma. I felt some stubborn tears make their way to my eyes then. I didn't want to cry in front of Leo and Jay, but this was just painful. I lifted my hand carefully and softly brushed aside a few rebel locks from my friend's eyes. Somehow, he looked so peaceful, like he was going to wake up any minute. Again, I was attacked by images of Effy and how she too had looked like she was sleeping. I couldn't take it anymore and I fled the room.

Neither Leo nor JJ called after me and I was glad. I made my way outside as fast as I could. Once I was, I took a shaky breath of cool air to calm me down. I could tell that I was shuddering all over. I didn't go too far though and just ended up leaning against the cold brick of Leo's apartment building. I closed my eyes, trying to fight off the invading images of both Freds' and Effy's lifeless bodies. It was quite horrifying really. I snapped my eyes open and walked to the car. Luckily for me, JJ hadn't locked it so I was able to wrench the door open and grab some fags and a lighter from the glove compartment. I brought one to my lips and proceeded to light it. I struggled a bit since my hands were shaking. After a few seconds though, I managed to light my bloody fag and inhaled deeply. I closed my eyes as I felt the nicotine course through my body slowly. I automatically sensed that my heart was slowing down. It took a few drags like that for my body to ease itself and stop trembling. The nicotine was helping me to push away the dark images and it felt good for a little while.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by Leo who had subtly joined me outside.

"Would you have another one?" he said startling the hell out of me.

"Jesus Leo!" I yelped.

He just continued to stare at me and said nothing else. I nodded briefly before removing my pack out of my jeans pocket and handing one to the man. He lit it quickly and we both stood side to side smoking in silence. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't unbearable either. Anyway, I wouldn't have known what to say. After a few seconds, Leo decided to break the silence. I really wish he hadn't.

"It's been a long time since you've come to visit, hasn't it Naomi?"

"Yeah…" I said without really knowing if it was even true.

"I guess you've been busy right?"

"Right… with the show and life you know…" I muttered.

I couldn't even look at him as I said it. I hated this version of me who hadn't visited Freddie, but at the same time I understood her. It was an awful sight to see a friend in such a state. It tore me up inside and as bitchy and cold as my other self apparently had tried to be (if her relationship with her coworkers was anything to go by), I was sure she hadn't liked it one bit more than I. I didn't dare look at Leo, I didn't know what I'd find if I did and I was not sure if I could take it.

"Well that's cozy that is, innit?" Leo said sarcastically.

I still wouldn't look at him and I could feel my heart accelerating again. I tossed my finished fag in front of me and quickly lit another.

"What's wrong Naomi?" he snarled. "Not as mouthy in real life as you are on telly, yeah?"

I took a few drags and shrugged. I really wish he'd drop the subject. Obviously he was furious that I hadn't visited Freddie in a while, but I didn't know what to tell him. Besides, I was fairly certain nothing I could say could make things any better. Leo was mad, like properly mad and I doubted he'd suddenly be reasonable.

"When Freds met you lot I thought to myself, I did, that he had people to rely on now. But you never really cared did you? You're too busy now like you were too busy then." the man continued.

At that I couldn't help myself and snapped my head up. When my gaze met Leo's angry one, I felt myself sunk back a little. I hated being weak, I hated how intimidated I was. For fuck's sake I was 24 not 17. I was a grown up and he had no right to treat me like that. But I couldn't fight him. I couldn't because… what if he was right? I knew nothing of this reality and I had no idea what had actually happened to Freddie. A grimace etched its way onto my face and I saw the broken man smirk at me.

"You know I'm right, don't you Naomi? You let him down and now he's like this and it's all your fault" Leo said pointing an accusing finger at me.

I started to shake my head then. I didn't know if this was true, but it couldn't be. I couldn't put Freds' fate on my shoulders. I couldn't bear it. Tears had found their way to my eyes and were now falling slowly on my cheeks. My fag was long gone and I tossed it to the ground, hugging my chest afterwards. Leo was looking at me with such disgust such _disappointment_. I had never been good with disappointment and today was no better. I wanted to protest I wanted to argue, but I didn't find the strength in me. I tried to articulate something, but I choked on my words and only mumbles came out.

"You're wrong Leo" I heard JJ say.

I looked passed Freds' father to see my friend standing in the doorway of the flat. He was frowning. I tried wiping my tears away at the sight of the boy. I didn't need him to worry about me.

"You know I'm not Jay. Where were you when my boy needed you eh?"

"I was right there Leo, but Freds didn't want help"

"That's bollocks!"

"You know it's not… We tried to help him, we really did. Naomi and I… Even… Even Cook…" JJ continued his voice breaking a bit as he mentioned our other friend's name. "But Freddie wouldn't listen and you know it"

"You can't have been there enough if he got that way!" Leo stubbornly accused.

"We were, but Freddie missed her too much"

"Don't talk to me about that girl!"

"Who Effy? She was our friend and Freddie loved her. He couldn't get over her death and started drinking and smoking, more than normal I mean"

"And why didn't you stop him?"

"We tried but we were grieving too, you _know_ this Leo. Naomi even tried to convince him to seek professional help. But of course only 10% of people who are grieving actually seek that sort of help and well Freddie wasn't in that 10%-"

"Locked on mate" I said calmly as I could see Leo getting a little impatient.

"Right, the point is… It was an accident. It was nobody's fault. It wasn't ours and it wasn't yours either. I know you miss him, we miss him too… Freddie was the best friend I ever had" Jj choked before stopping.

I walked to him and laced my arm with his squeezing it tightly. I felt my friend's chest heave once before he continued his little speech.

"I know you blame yourself on some level… But you shouldn't. It was Freddie's choice to drink and do so much drugs and it was an accident that he got hit by a truck… It was horrible, but it was nobody's fault. So I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to pin it on us."

Leo stared blankly at JJ for a moment and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. He nodded slowly before walking passed us and going back inside his flat. JJ and I stared at the closed door for maybe a minute before going back to the car. My friend roared the engine to life and within seconds, we were out of there. The further away from the place we drove, the better I felt. That visit had been a proper disaster. After a moment of silence, Jay said:

"He's a bit on edge lately… Karen's been trying to convince him to unplug Freds for a while now and well… He just doesn't want to…"

"Right" I said my voice a bit raspy for having stayed silent too long.

"I can understand on some level because there have been cases of people waking up from comas after 10 years or longer with no distinguishable damage and well, Freds only been in a coma for 5 years and a half now, but again, if you take into account that only 5 to 10% of all patients actually do wake up from coma unscathed, the chances that Freddie _will _wake up to be fine after all this time are quite slim-"

I cut him off by placing my hand on his arm. I didn't want to shout or anything. I could only imagine how hard this was for him. I mean I was feeling terrible and Freddie hadn't even been my best mate. Jay got the message anyway and went quiet. I was churning so many thoughts in that brain of mine that I was finding it rather hard to even focus on the road. After a moment though, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Jay… Do you think we failed Freds?"

The moment the words had slipped through my lips, I regretted them. I felt stupid and weak for asking. JJ didn't answer right away although he shot me worried glances. He ended up parking the car in some random parking lot before turning to me.

"Naoms… No, we didn't fail Freddie. You've said it yourself, countless times… Actually, you're usually the one who has to remind _me_"

"Oh… yeah"

I hated that I didn't have a fucking clue about anything. I looked down at my hands and felt my friend's fingers on my chin, lifting my face back up.

"Is something wrong with you today? You're being… awfully nice. I mean, not that you're generally not nice, because you are! I mean to me you are, I mean, you are to others too at times, although not that often and hum today you were-"

"Jay!"

"Right, sorry, to the point. Right. What I'm saying is you're usually the one who reassures me about Freddie and our responsibility regarding his condition. I'm just surprised… Also considering you asked about Effy earlier and well you never really talk about Effy. I'd say on an average you mention her about 4 times every three months and it's already been 4 times and-" JJ slowed as he caught my pointed look. "and sorry, getting locked on again, I'm stopping now… It's just… I'm wondering is all"

I took a big breath and shrugged.

"I guess I'm just tired, yeah?"

"It is a possibility. Has it taken you less than 5 minutes to fall asleep at night lately? Because you're aware that that is a sign of sleep deprivation? Also, we've been having quite long days lately and well of course you know that seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%. Maybe this is it? Are you feeling tipsy Nai?"

Jay was looking at me with such a serious expression that I had to burst out laughing. I couldn't believe how ridiculous he could be at times. I was laughing so hard that my stomach was aching and soon enough JJ joined in on my laughter. I don't know if it was because of the amount of pressure I had on or if it was because I genuinely found the brunette's comment to be funny, but I couldn't stop laughing. It probably wasn't appropriate and even as I laughed I could feel my eyes well up. I was bloody confused that's for sure. There's a fine line between sadness and happiness sometimes and I could see it at that moment. This situation was crazy. My whole life was a complete and utter mess and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. The more I thought about it the harder I laughed. I mean really! Life didn't get more absurd than this! Being stuck reality travelling and always having to adapt to these freakish worlds. Thoughts of everything travelled as a whirlwind in my mind and I was overwhelmed. I laughed like a maniac for several minutes as I tried to take it all in. JJ had stopped laughing now and was looking at me wearily. When I caught his worried expression, I burst into tears. It didn't take a whole second for JJ to grab me in his arms and rest my head on his chest. He whispered soothing words in my ear and let me cry for as long as I needed. I was able to gather myself quite quickly and closed my eyes taking in the smell of Jay's shirt.

"And people think I'm the strange one" he scoffed.

I hiccoughed a laugh and genuinely smiled. I pulled out of the hug and gently pressed a soft kiss on the man's cheek. I snorted when I noticed him turning slightly red. JJ would always be JJ and no matter how long we knew each other, a kiss was a kiss and he was still a shy boy. The brunette started the car again and drove off. I sighed and shot a quick glance at the boy next to me. Yes, this situation wasn't ideal. Far from it really. It was shit and all kinds of wrong. It was unsettling, confusing, mind-blowingly frustrating, but in the end, quite unchangeable. No matter how much I'd fight it, it would serve no purpose. And besides, it could be worse. I shot another look at JJ and he gave me a sincere smile. I could only return it. Yeah, things could be worse. At least I wasn't alone, not really, and at the moment, it was all that mattered.

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**You guys have no idea how much research this chapter actually had me doing! Because I wanted to make it as realistic as possible… Also I don't like throwing fake statistics so most of what JJ says was actually researched! I'm not gonna say it's all accurate cuz it probably isn't… but what I mean is I did my very best lol. Also, I now understand why there aren't that many stories where JJ has an active role in it, it's really tiring to write JJ so that he's somewhat "coherent". On another note, I want to send out special thank yous to Hyperfitched and Emz2009 who kindly answered some of my questions :P I'm sorry though Hypes I stuck with the term minister even though your appellation of assholes was rather tempting! (By the way, sorry Effy is still dead I this reality! Hope you forgive me :P) I'm also sorry if I messed up a bit, you should know that I did try XD Oh and before I forget, the bit on Effy's funeral bookmark was taken from the song "Paradise" from the latest Coldplay album Mylo Xyloto (which by the way was the soundtrack of my week along with Florence + the machine's Ceremonials). And as for Paul's character, if there are still any French kids out there reading that know Xavier Dolan, I totally based Paul on him! And if you don't know who Xavier Dolan is, google him to have a clearer mental image of Paul! I have nothing against Xavier Dolan, I think he's quite smart really, but I also find him to be a bit of a cliché! And it makes me laugh loads :P Jesus! These A/N are ridiculously long! My apologies! I'll stop now and let you to it! Perhaps to click that little review button and tell me what you think? I know I know, no Emily yet, aren't you all dying to know where she's at? :P Just so you know, reviews make me write faster and the faster I write, the faster Emily gets here, right? :D **


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry for the longer delay! I was trying to be disciplined about this and take a bit of the advance I used to have… It's not that simple and I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment. I just wanna make it clear though that I honestly just love each and everyone of you :) I wanna give out massive thanks for all the support you guys have shown me! It isn't always easy to publish your own work and to be honest it never cease to be a bit of an ordeal for me. I'm probably my very own hardest critique and I think most of what I do and/or write is shit and I'm immensely touched whenever one of you say otherwise :) It also helps me to not fuck the freak out and stop writing! So thank you! Really! This one is a bit of a filler? I don't even know lol but I feel like it sort of is! Not my favourite chp either, but it'll have to do! Next one is already going a bit better writting wise ;) On a completely different note everyone should go on youtube and check out the video Forever Lazy Commercial. Let it be known that my life goal is now to appear in one of those types of commercials. :D Haha!**

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**Manifolds**

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Chapter 19:

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JJ had ended up driving me home after my little melt down. After asking me about twenty times if I was going to be okay, he finally left me on the doorstep and drove away. Of course I had had to promise him countless of times to call if I needed anything. He was a good guy though, JJ was and I guess he was just being a good friend. I hadn't dared mention Cook in the car because to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to know where he was. But I couldn't stop thinking about him since Jay had mentioned him to Leo. I was intrigued, I have to admit it. From what I had gathered though, Cook had been around after Effy's death and Freddie's accident. So whatever reason he wasn't here now was post that period.

I stepped inside the flat without really paying attention to anything I was doing. All I wanted to do was walk to a computer and research as much stuff about my life here as I could. If I had been a public figure, I was bound to find something. Besides, I was sick of surprises, these fucking surprises that tore my soul apart every time. I knew that my search about Effy had been a dud, but I had to try it anyway. I didn't think I could handle to learn about other disasters the way I had so far. It hurt too much to be confronted to these things full on. I needed to be prepared, I needed to brace myself. Or else… or else how was I supposed to be strong? And being strong was all I had left. Without Emily and without Effy, I had to be strong on my own. I could handle it. At least I thought I could handle it. I needed to. So I walked to the room in which my office had been in my reality and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was still my office in this one. As I had made my way through the flat, I had noted that Samantha was nowhere to be seen. It didn't surprise me much though since it was still fairly early and I assumed she was probably at work. It was better this way anyway.

When I first typed my own name in the google search bar I have to admit I felt a bit ridiculous. My search led me to many websites and links. After being directed to a few modelling and fashion related websites (and some anger management groups), I had the thought of adding "minister" to my research and felt even more ridiculous. This time, the results were more conclusive. I found various articles about a few projects I had apparently done and finally found a short of biography on my life. Brilliant, this was bound to be a bit helpful and probably very boring. I have to admit this was one perk of being "famous" in this reality, looking myself up on google was loads simpler than discretely probing my friends for information. I was glad no one could see me doing it though as I probably looked like Britain's most shallow person ever.

According to the wonders of the internet, I had graduated top of my classes at Roundview and had then attended King's College London in Politics from which I had graduated with honours. Straight out of Uni, I had started my political career associating myself with a political party and had made my way to the top within a few months. I was a bit amazed that I had been able to associate myself so quickly with a party to be honest. I mean I personally still had a hard time voting since I could never quite find a party with a political platform I could totally agree on. Voting was always a big ordeal since I didn't want to waste my choice. Apparently I hadn't had these kinds of difficulties with politic parties in this reality… As odd as that seemed to me.

I read on and learned that I hadn't been the favourite candidate for future environment minister and had brought my party down in polls until I had married Samantha a month or two into the campaign. Another 6 months later, our party was elected and I had become one of the youngest ministers ever in England. I skimmed through the rest of the page rapidly. Apparently I had been quite a controversial personality and either loved or hated. I can't say I was much surprised. I was even less surprised to see that my haters seemed to complain about my coldness and thought I was a bit snobbish. Wasn't that the story of my life being called a bitch and/or a snob?

Anyway, according to the person who had written this page, I had started some of the most remarkable projects to promote environment in England in the last decade and that enough was worth being respected. I smiled a bit at that part. I mean, I was allowed to be proud of my alter ego yeah? This stuff was quite impressive I have to admit. I read on and finally got to the part I was interested in. After 9 months of being minister, I had been shot in the shoulder during a conference. The page didn't teach me much more then I already knew though. The article in my office had been eloquent enough on the matter. What it did teach me though was that I had taken a break from the politic life for a month after the attack and had come back after that for two months. I had then resigned from my position without really explaining why and started hosting my very own talk show. It was a bit weird I have to admit, but the website didn't tell me much more than that. I browsed through a few more pages, but always got more or less of the same thing. Right… well that was sorted I guess. I felt a bit better knowing this new information. I would definitely be less likely to be surprised with my past. Although I guess it could still happen… Nevertheless, I felt like a lot of pressure had been lift from my shoulders. These damn reality shifts were well confusing. I was determined to be better than them though. I mean I didn't think it could get much worse now could it? I didn't know Emily and I had already lost Effy. The only comforting thing about this was that I wouldn't have to watch my friend die twice. Not that the thought of her dead was still okay to me. I don't think I could ever find it okay.

I went back to the google main page before attacking my next topic. I inhaled deeply before typing "Frederick McClair". It still felt like a very sensible topic to me, but I had to know. Leo and JJ had mentioned that he had been hit by a truck, but this wasn't enough details for me. I needed them all. I needed to know. I needed to know or I'd never accept it. Not here. Not when I had thought my friend would be okay. I was a bit depressed to see how his life hadn't gotten any better in this reality either. Freds had been a good guy. Okay so yeah he was a bit of a slacker and a bit of a stoner, but he had always cared for his friends and family and done the right thing in the end. He certainly didn't deserve as much shit as he got. He didn't deserve to die or to be in a coma. If anything, he deserved to be happy and if he couldn't be happy with Effy, maybe he could have found someone else. I wasn't entirely sure of that last bit, but anything was better than the fate he had had in the realities I had seen. I mean anything had to be better than being murdered with a baseball bat…

I had to search around the net a bit, but I eventually found an article on Freddie's accident. I didn't learn much more than I already knew unfortunately. Apparently, Freds had been walking outside one night and had crossed the street without looking. Some truck driver had hit him, unable to stop last minute. The article went on about how they had found copious amounts of alcohol and drugs in Freddie's system when doing the autopsy and how the driver therefore hadn't been charged with anything criminal. According to the article, Leo had thrown quite a fit about that fact, but I guess I could sort of understand. If Freddie really had just randomly run into the street, there wasn't much the driver could have done to avoid it. Of course, I had what you could call first-hand experience in the matter. That thought made me wonder. What if there was a version of me in a coma in that other reality now? What if Freds was travelling realities like I was? Maybe my body in my own dimension was also in a coma. What if I could find this travelling Freddie? Would I run into him at some point? Was he even travelling? My head started spinning with all these questions, so much so that I had to put a stop to it. I couldn't dwell on that. I couldn't ask myself a thousand questions to which I had no way of ever finding the answers. No matter how long I'd think about it, it would never just pop out. It couldn't. This whole ordeal was impossible and inexplicable yet happening. I had to deal with that and not think too much about what it entailed.

I let a long sigh escape my lips as I took all this new information in. It's funny how this had all started because I guess I had sort of complained about my life and the choices I had made. Really ironic that now I would have given everything to go back to the reality I had grown in. Because to me, it was the best. How could it not be? Effy was still alive even though Freddie wasn't. And I was with Emily. My throat squeezed at the thought of her. Not even 24 hours since I had been in this reality and I was already struggling with the fact that I didn't have a certain redhead in my life. I guess you can say that I was still struggling with the decision I had made to not seek her out. Truth be told, there was still a part of me that wanted nothing more than to find her. I yearned to hear the sound of her voice or hold her close to me. I clenched my teeth and resisted the urge to call JJ and tell him I had changed my mind. I had made this decision for a reason and I'd stick to it. I couldn't do that to her. I wouldn't. No matter where she was and what her life was, she'd be happier without me interfering. My heart would always beat in times with hers and without her here with me I felt like mine wasn't beating at all, but I wouldn't be selfish. Not this time around. This time, I had to put Emily's well-being before mine.

I did a quick search on Cook but came out blank. I hadn't expected anything else, but I was still disappointed. After that I was done with the research and ended up crashing on the couch and watching some daytime telly for the rest of the afternoon. I'm not sure when, but I eventually fell asleep. I was gently awoken by fingers running down my arm. It felt nice, I have to admit. I blinked sleepily, not really wanting to wake up. I only had time to catch a glimpse of red and I felt myself smiling. Emily, red had always meant Emily. I felt a hand brush some stray lock of my hair out of my face and caress my cheek. I hummed in pleasure.

"Ems…" I croaked through my heavy sleep.

"What did you say babes?" a voice replied.

Of course, that's when I realized it wasn't Emily, couldn't be her. I fluttered my eyes open and was met by Samantha. She was looking at me with such a sweet expression that I automatically felt guilty. She seemed so nice and loving; it wasn't her fault that the fact that she resembled Ems so much was freaking me out. She had done nothing wrong. Hell she didn't even know who Emily Fitch was. She gave me a quirk of her eyebrow and I was reminded she had asked me a question.

"I dunno…" I said carefully. "Think I was still sleeping"

I gave her a sheepish smile which she accepted without question. She chuckled a bit before leaning towards me and placing a small kiss on my lips. This was the third kiss we'd share and I was still not getting used to it. I felt even guiltier by the fact that I had to control my body not to flinch away from her touch. She was my wife, she had every right to kiss me, to touch me. I'd just have to deal with that as well.

"Have you been home long?" she asked.

I hated myself then for being disappointed that her voice wasn't husky. I'd have to stop comparing her to Emily. She _wasn't_ Ems and she would never be.

"Hum… a bit yeah… I didn't feel too well I took a day off"

"Really?" she asked incredulous.

New information, my alter ego probably wasn't keen on taking days off.

"You should have told me hun I would have come home early to take care of you" she continued.

"It's okay, I wasn't bad enough that I couldn't take care of myself" I supplied offhandedly.

She let out a big sigh at my words and I have to admit I didn't understand why.

"You always say that… Don't you understand I just _want_ to take care of you?"

She sounded so small, so exasperated that I felt bad. Again…

"Sorry I … I just didn't think…"

"Right never mind…" she said trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. "Anyway, it's rather late, do you wanna go up to bed now?"

I turned to look at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see it was actually passed midnight.

"Did you just come in?" I asked Sam.

She looked around the place a little, looking a bit nervous before replying:

"Yeah hum… I had to work late. You're usually home really late on Mondays so I didn't think it'd matter"

I nodded slowly. I believed her although she seemed a bit weird. I didn't know my life habits so I had no reason not to believe her. And anyway, the more I was learning about this reality and this version of me, the more I was thinking she was probably saying the truth. She got up from next to me and held out her hand to me. I took it and lifted myself off the couch. I followed her slowly to our bedroom and once there, I only had time to take off my jeans and bra before falling in bed. I was lying on my back when I felt Samantha climb in bed after me. She curled into my side afterwards, resting her head on my shoulder. I cursed myself as my body flinched automatically when she did.

"What's the matter babes? Did I hurt you?" she asked.

Fuck's sake! I really wished she hadn't felt it.

"No no it's fine. You were hum… cold" I said lamely.

I felt Samantha shift a bit next to me before finally settling. I couldn't wrap my arms around her and I felt terrible. To anyone looking, we might have looked like any happy couple cuddling to bed, but I could tell the embrace felt strange and phony. Somehow, I think Samantha could feel it too. I closed my eyes and tried to forget how weird this was for me. I was willing to convince my brain that this was okay, but my body wouldn't give in. It was like I was some kind of computer or robot. My body was programmed to fit with Emily and Emily only. Every single pore of myself was pulsating against this other being lying against me and not in a nice way. It was like my synapses were firing loads of tiny little messages, telling my muscles that this was wrong, that this body didn't belong there. I had to calm down, I had to stop this insanity. I had the control of my body and no matter how much I wanted to push the other woman away and be left alone, I couldn't do it. I didn't care how odd it felt like, this was my new reality, this was how it _had_ to be. It was ridiculous, but I felt like my brain and my body were at war, both fighting utter convictions that happened to be completely opposite. I hoped it wasn't going to be so hard every single day… It couldn't be, I reasoned with myself. Eventually, I'd get used to it. I just needed time. Yes, time. And after it would be okay…

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I woke up too early for my liking the next morning. When I chanced a look to the other side of the bed, I noticed that Sam was still fast asleep, a slight frown on her forehead. I guess the alarm hadn't woken her. As I stared at her for a few seconds, I realized that a part of me wanted to brush my fingers against her frown to make it go away, but I couldn't do it. I looked at her sadly before getting up and rushing to the shower. Once I was out, I made my way silently to the bedroom and rummaged through my drawers to find something to wear. I didn't really care what I'd wear, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to look a bit less casual then I had the day before. Anyway, I soon discovered that I had probably grabbed the _only_ casual clothing I owned the day before because as I looked through my drawer and closet, I didn't spot any other t-shirt and very few pairs of jeans. In the end, I settled for a very simple pair of grey trousers and a long sleeved white cotton shirt. I took my cell phone and tip toed my way out of the bedroom. I wasn't really hungry to be honest so I just waited for JJ. I didn't have to wait very long before seeing the now familiar Lexus stop in front of my flat. I hastily put on a pair of black loafers, a grey knitted hat and a black pea coat before leaving the flat and walking to the car. As I settled in the passenger seat JJ cheerfully exclaimed:

"Good morning Naomi! How are you doing?"

I groaned a bit in reply. I was still feeling rather sleepy to be honest. I loved how showers in the morning always woke me up, but as soon as I'd sit down, I'd feel the wave of fatigue wash over me again. I didn't want to be rude to JJ or anything, but I had never been a morning person. If we were mates, I figured he'd be already acquainted with this little part of me. As to prove me right, the man only chuckled and pointed to a cup between us.

"Took a black tea this morning. Figured you'd be needing it"

An appreciative moan escaped my lips as I launched myself at the tea. One sip later I was already feeling considerably better.

"JJ you are a god!" I said after two more sips pronouncing each word carefully.

The men only chuckled more. I flashed him a genuine smile which he returned automatically. I was still amazed at how well JJ and I seemed to fit in each other's lives, but we really, sincerely did. We were complete opposites in many ways, but we only seemed to complete each other even better for it. I was surprised as well to see how professional and confident JJ seemed to be in this reality. Today, he was wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white dressed shirt, a black and grey stripped tie and the same black coat he had worn yesterday. Of course he was still getting locked on from time to time, but other than that he seemed… at ease. I soon found that I was quite proud of him. It was still awkward to care for JJ that much, but the feeling was there nonetheless.

The rest of the ride was made in silence. We didn't really need to talk to be honest, we felt comfortable enough in each other's company. Soon, probably too soon to be honest, we reached the studio and Jay parked the car. Just before exiting it he turned to face me.

"Ready to face Paul then?"

"Can I ever be ready for _that_?" I asked him a grimace on my face.

I know I didn't know the man a lot, but he hadn't struck me as the nice type the day before. JJ chuckled at my words and we both left the car making our way to my office. I barely had time to settle myself a little though before Paul came bursting in. He had an awfully annoying habit of doing that. Today he was wearing some really tight black jeans, a white V-neck t-shirt with a pink plaids dressed shirt tucked into his pants. He looked just as cliché as he had the day before. I bit my lip not to snort.

"You said early Campbell!"

"Well… this is early"

"You call _this_ early? Jesus Campbell it's already 5h!"

I stared at him for a moment. He couldn't be serious yeah? 5 am was fucking early!

"You're shitting me right?" I asked him.

"I bloody am not! Now get your fit little ass on set right this instant! I don't care that you're an ex-minister and the _star_ or whatever of this fucking talk show. On set, _I'm_ the director, therefore the master. So get down there we've got loads to go over!"

Without giving me a chance to reply, he was out the door.

"Pleasant to talk to you too, arsehole" I said to myself.

JJ chuckled of course while shaking his head.

"Shall we go?" he asked and I simply nodded before following him.

I could go into details to describe the rest of my "first" actual day at work. But you would hate me for it. Let's just say it was long and fucking boring. I guess it was informative as well, but when I walked out of the studio at 6pm, I didn't really care about that part. When I had finally reached the set, Paul had sat me down almost instantly in some typical cinema chair and had rolled a TV in front of me. JJ had sat next to me with a pen and a pad of paper. I guessed he was the note taker then and I thought it was rather brilliant. I figured that if he was taking notes, I could dose off when Paul would get too boring. What I had underestimated was the director's constant effort of getting my attention. Remote control in hands, Paul had started by showing me the last show we had made. That's when I found out I was a fucking bitch. No, seriously, I was, or at least this version of me had been. The concept of the show seemed to be inviting public personalities to discuss environmental issues. But discussing, we definitely weren't. Basically, I was humiliating them through sarcasm and snarky comments. To be completely honest I had no idea how this had kept on running for so long. I mean who in their right mind would want to go on such a show? But apparently some people were dumb enough to still accept to be interviewed. Fuck's sake it was bloody ridiculous although I must admit that some of the personalities were making rather retarded comments that seemed to deserve the sarcasm they got in return.

There were also a few other things on the show. Like for example there was this little part where I introduced a book and a documentary on the discussed issue inviting people to get informed on the matter. That was rather nice. Apparently though, it was not Paul's favourite part therefore, we barely spoke about it. Too bad because it would have been much nicer to try and find new stuff to present then to endure the monstrous rant Paul went on.

And let me tell you, his rant was just as much fun as cutting my toenails or as exciting as reading out loud the entire paper outline of a new class at Uni. It really was quite exhilarating. Paul went on about every little detail such as tone and even fucking rhythm. You'd have thought I was in a band or something, not a bloody talk show host. He paused many times, zooming on a particular face or rewinding to catch a particular sentence. He made in depth analysis of the guest's reactions and commented whenever he thought I hadn't been bitchy enough or a bit too much. I could barely keep my eyes open and only wished to disappear in my thoughts, but Paul would yell at me if he saw so much of a hint of glazed look. JJ was writing away next to me, seemingly not minding the tedious (way too tedious) study of the show. So when 6 pm rolled in, I really did properly want to kick myself. Luckily for me though, Paul didn't request I come in early every other day of the week although I was expected at the office to prepare for shooting Alden's interview I had cancelled the day before and which we'd be shooting Friday instead.

When I got home, Samantha was already there and dinner was ready. The minute I made it to the kitchen, she was walking to me with a glass of wine. As I took a large gulp I felt instantaneously more relaxed.

"Thanks" I told Sam with a smile.

She seemed genuinely surprised and I felt a bit queasy. Jesus! How bitchy could I have been if my own wife was surprised that I was being polite? Dinner came and went fairly fast and the evening settled itself. We sat on our couch in front of the telly barely saying anything to each other. I have to say I had mixed feelings about this. I mean we were both sitting on the couch, but we weren't touching each other. I was on my end and Sam was on the other. I guess it was a bit of a relief because I wasn't sure about how intimate I could be with this stranger, but at the same time this looked nothing like the life I had had with Emily. This was so… cold, so sterile. It didn't feel like there was much love to be honest and that made me uncomfortable. Why the hell had we gotten married if this was our life? Emily and I's had been full of laughter and teasing and well… shagging. Both 24, but we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves even now. Obviously our relationship had included an earthy dose of fighting, swearing and sneering. But that's how we always kept it passionate. And anyway the make up sex was always pretty awesome. I groaned a little. This was _not_ Emily, I reminded myself for the umpteenth time. I had to stop comparing Samantha with her. I had to stop comparing _everything_ with the life I had had. The fact was I _didn't_ have that life anymore and it wasn't coming back. I had to stop acting like it was gonna pop out of somewhere. Like maybe I'd encounter some kind of colourful portal in which I'd walk through and it would bring me right back to my reality. I didn't know how this whole thing was working, but clearly it wasn't gonna be as simple as finding a goddamn portal. This wasn't the twilight zone; it was perhaps my worst nightmare. Okay, now I was being melodramatic. Fuck sake's these stupid travels were making me lose my touch.

As I zoned out inside my head, I could see Samantha stealing glances at me once in a while and it made me wonder a bit. Was this tension my fault? Had my other me been a cold and distant person with her wife? Was that why this felt so awkward? I hated all these questions and how there was no way I could get answers. We spent the reminder of the evening like that, sitting apart and barely saying a word to each other. It might have been 11 p.m when we decided to retreat to bed. I have to admit I was sort of dreading the moment. Last night had been uncomfortable enough and I knew tonight wouldn't be any better. I had meant it when I said I needed time to get used to it all. I changed into one god awful babydoll just because I felt like it was what I had to do. I climbed into bed and immediately started tossing. The stupid lace was tickling me and the bottom of the babydoll kept scrunching up to my waist. I couldn't believe people actually slept in these things. After maybe ten minutes of battling with it, Samantha turned towards me and placed a hand on the side of my thigh.

"If it's annoying you babes, I have no objection that you take it off" she said in a sultry voice.

I gulped slowly. It's not that she wasn't beautiful or anything, because she was, she really really was. With her long flowing hair and piercing eyes, she was gorgeous really. But she wasn't Emily. I groaned mentally again. I truly had to stop this brain block of mine. I couldn't live like that. Samantha got closer to me and pressed her lips against mine. I was a bit surprised because she almost looked careful, tentative at first. I tried to rid my mind of any thoughts of Emily and kissed her back. It was slow at first a bit like a first kiss. I guess in some ways this _was_ a first kiss. When she felt me reciprocate, Sam started kissing me faster, harder. I tried to follow her pace. It was nice I guess. I mean she was a good kisser. She had a good technique. It was sad though that the only thing I could feel while kissing her was that she had a good kissing technique. Where are those damn butterflies when you need them? I felt Sam's tongue run against my bottom lip and I flinched a bit. I closed my eyes tighter. This was my _wife_ I had to get over the awkwardness. I opened my mouth for her and let her tongue meet mine. Again, I couldn't say that anything in particular was bad, but everything felt so completely wrong. I pondered about it for a few seconds as we were kissing. Okay, yes, I know. Not the best moment to get lost in your thoughts, but I couldn't help it. I quickly found what I was looking for though and I realised with a jolt that kissing Sam felt like cheating, like I was cheating on Emily.

I knew I wasn't cheating, not really, but this was exactly how it felt. Even after all those years, I remembered how it had felt like to cheat on Emily with Sophia. I remembered how I had felt inside as I was with that girl and this was just like it. Don't get me wrong, I'm human and very much not made of stone. So of course I wasn't all cold to having this beautiful woman kissing me now, but it was different. It wasn't like when I was kissing my own redhead. I didn't feel like I have firecracker in the pit of my stomach and I didn't feel like the world had stopped around me. When I was with Emily, it felt like my whole body was filled with this complete sense happiness and giddiness. I felt like my skin was on fire, like it was vibrating with the love and passion we had for each other. In every look and every kiss, I could feel this certainty that I didn't belong anywhere else, that I was fucking meant to be with her. I had never felt like that with anyone else. Especially not with Sophia as I was cheating and not more with Sam now. Physically, I guess it felt nice, I guess it was okay. But inside, I had been a wreck. I had been so completely disgusted with myself. I remembered how disappointed in me I had been then and the thought overwhelmed me.

I broke the kiss quickly as I felt Sam move even closer and roam her hand along my side. This was too much I couldn't do it. I knew I wasn't with Emily in this reality, but I still loved her. I knew I'd probably always love her, but I was hoping that I'd forget how good it felt to be with her after a while. This was not that time though and it did not feel like that. This was too soon. I pushed Sam a bit off me and I heard her sigh heavily next to me. I closed my eyes and brought a hand to cover them quickly. I felt dirty. I felt like I had betrayed Ems and I hated it. I had sworn to myself after Sophia that I would never do that again, that I'd never betray my love for Emily like that again. Because Ems had been right when she had said I had ruined us. If only for a moment I had. I had stained us. I felt like I had spilled some shite on our love and now it was changed, it was spoiled. This beautiful love we had shared would never be the same again. It wouldn't be pure and plain wonderful because I'd always know, deep down, that I had deceived her. Of course we had worked passed that, but this, being with someone else, trying to be intimate with someone else, it brought back all those stupid feelings and it made me feel horrible.

I heard Sam sigh again and I chanced a look in her direction. She was staring at the ceiling looking sad, actually heartbroken. I felt responsible and I hated the situation in which I had landed myself. How was I supposed to make it better when my brain wouldn't fucking shut up about Emily for a second. I didn't want it to. I was trying to control it not to. But it did. Inevitably, it did every single time, every single second. I really was programmed to be forever Emily's. That beautiful redhead had ruined me for every other woman. Because I loved her too much.

"I'm sorry... I just... I have a lot on my mind" I said to Sam.

She scoffed and slowly shook her head.

"You _always_ have a lot on your mind Naomi... If you're not attracted to me anymore, just say so, don't find a pathetic excuse every time. Please Nomi... Respect me enough to be honest" she replied bitterly.

This was awful. Apparently things really weren't that great in our relationship.

"No! It's not that... I just... I'm sorry okay?"

"You're always sorry..."

Her voice was laced with hurt and pain and it had gone hoarse. Probably because she was trying to fight some tears, I wasn't really sure, but what I was sure of was that it made her sound a lot like Emily. And _that_ made it even worse. I closed my eyes again and tried to sort these thoughts of mine. I was screwing this up. I was screwing this life up and for what? For Emily? For a woman that wasn't even part of this new life? I had to try harder. Okay so yeah maybe I had said I needed time, but this demand of mine wasn't fair to my wife here. I mean, I didn't know her, not really, but she was still my wife. Maybe if I tried harder it would be okay? Maybe I'd even somehow fall in love with her. It would never be Emily, but surely I had loved her if I had married her? I could do it again… right? She looked so completely broken that I couldn't help feeling guilty as fuck. So I shook Emily out of my head and leaned over to her. I had to do this. I pressed my lips firmly against hers and brought my hand to rest on her hip. Sam hesitated for a moment, I could tell she didn't understand this change of mind. But when I brushed my tongue against her bottom lip, all hesitation left her body and she started kissing back forcefully.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I mumbled through our heated kisses.

Truth is, even as Sam pushed me back on the mattress and pressed a thigh between mine, Emily wasn't too far from my mind. I felt awkward and wrong to think about Emily while I was going to shag someone else, but I couldn't help it. I loved her. I couldn't just make her disappear from my thoughts like that. I wanted to, but I didn't think I could. Sam started kissing my neck and my jaw line passionately and I tried my hardest not to flinch. I looked down at her as her hands roamed all over my body and I was invaded by flashes of red. This was beyond weird. I was about to sleep with an imitation of Emily while thinking about Emily. But it wasn't Emily. She didn't feel like Emily and didn't taste like Emily. She didn't move like Emily either.

"_She's your bloody wife!"_ I told myself.

I had to do this, I just had to. I chanted those words inside my head constantly. I tried to focus on Sam, but my mind kept going back to another redhead. In the end, as she touched me, I gave up and let my brain imagine I was with Ems. I squinted enough that her features would transform into Emily's. I bit down on my bottom lip hard as I swallowed most of my moans, uncertain I wouldn't forget myself and cry out Emily's name. When we finally fell into bed that night to sleep, Sam cuddled to my side again with a small smile on her lips and I felt like crying and dirtier then I had ever felt in my entire life.

.

.

.

The rest of the week went by pretty quietly. Sam and I shagged again maybe two or three times. Sam was being extra merry and happy and I was possibly feeling like the world's worse human being. Truth is, every time I had slept with my wife I had had to let my mind wander to Emily to work myself up to any kind of arousal. I hated myself for it, I hated that I couldn't help it, couldn't change it. I kept telling myself that maybe time would be enough at some point. It had to. JJ and I had seen each other every single day and we had both worked hard on planning the show we'd have to shoot on Friday. Paul kept insisting we work on it because since I had already cancelled once and made us all late on our schedule I might as well make a "fucking great show out of it". As I had suspected Darren Alden was indeed a football player. He had been playing for West Ham United club for the past 3 years and was one of their star players. He played some offensive position, but I couldn't be arsed to remember which one. I had never really cared much about football and I didn't really want to learn now. Although, from what Rob Fitch had taught me over the years in my own reality, I knew he was a centre player.

When Friday finally came, I guess I was sort of ready. I was still a bit queasy about the whole concept of making fun of celebrities for their lack of environmental knowledge, but I'd have to deal with this too. At least I was well acquainted with how the show would work or at least I think I was. Paul was constantly going over the finer details of it during our various meetings so much that sometimes I was afraid I'd catch sudden death for an overdose of boredom. It was a little consolation to know that I wasn't likely to make a complete arse out of myself by fucking up the concept of the show although I was still nervous I would anyway. The perks of having been a drug dealer in my last reality were that I hadn't needed to continue it and had had enough money not to work. I was fairly certain that Sam and I were wealthy enough that I didn't really _need_ to work, but I was also certain that I couldn't just decide to take a vacation. Paul would definitely not allow it even though technically I was the boss. Anyway, I could do this. It was just a bit of a hassle to learn about this new career and quite frankly, I wasn't sure I liked it very much.

Nevertheless, Friday morning came fast enough and like every other morning, JJ had picked me up at home and driven me to work. He left me in my office to get dressed and told me he'd be back in 20 minutes to get me to the set. I walked to my personal bathroom and uncovered my outfit from the plastic sheath awaiting. I was gladly surprised by just how tasteful it was. I guess this other me had been bitchy and cold, but always stylishly clad. I threw on a nice grey skirt with a simple white blouse and a black waistcoat. I had worn waistcoats before, but this one was made of a fine and soft material and moulded my body just perfectly. Without being overtly cocky I had always been confident enough of my figure and well I had to admit that this outfit really fitted me to a T. 20 minutes later as expected, JJ was knocking on my office door with a pair of pointed white heels in his hands and gold bangles. I put them on and followed him on set. I was sat in a chair and a make-up team was on my case. Maybe another half hour later my hair had been elegantly placed in to a beautiful French twist bun. My face was full of makeup, but only a hint of it showed giving me a look of casual beauty I didn't really have. It was quite wonderful how these people could make it look like it had taken 2 minutes to do this make-up when in fact it had taken half an hour. Anyway, I wasn't complaining. Next, a microphone was pinned to the front of my waistcoat and an earplug shoved down my right ear where I would have the joy of hearing Paul's constant flow of instructions. I was then brought to the main set where I sat in a large blue armchair. The set itself was fairly simple. There were two other armchairs in addition to the one occupied by me and a low glass coffee table in between them. The background was composed of a simple white wall with pictures of various personalities and a large replica of the planet Earth hanging on the wall between my armchair and the two others. Written stylishly in white on the globe was "Earth! With Naomi Campbell". And yes, that really was my show's name. I had winced a bit when I had first found that out, but I guess it was a bit less cliché then simply having it be "The Naomi Campbell Show".

I waited for a few minutes after that. JJ had come up to me a while ago going over some last minute notes and had then gone to get me some water bottles. I was starting to become awfully bored when I saw Paul walk in dressed in grey trousers, a white shirt and a black bow tie accompanied by a tall man with dark brown hair stylishly dishevelled. He also proudly sported some obviously intentional stubble that I guess were to give him a bit of a bad boy look, but only made him look like a tosser in my opinion. I guess the attire he was in wasn't helping either. I wasn't sure if it was the dark complex designer jeans, the grey v-neck t-shirt, the black coat with the popped collar, the bright silver Nike sneakers, the big silver necklace with a metal imitation of a shark teeth, the aviator sunglasses or the big golden Rolex on his wrist that threw me off the most. Every square inch of him was screaming cockiness. Even his demeanour and the obvious swagger in his step. I felt my face cringe in distaste, but quickly changed it to a fake smile when I spotted Paul's angry glare.

"Naomi!" exclaimed the small director in a faux happy voice so shrill that my ears wanted to bleed. "I don't think you've met Darren here yet have you?"

"Can't say I have" I said in a similar phony cheery voice. "But it's a pleasure"

"Pleasure's all mine" said Alden while grabbing my hand in his and bringing it to his lips.

He cocked me a look from above his sunglasses and I saw him wink at me. Oh god! That guy was sleazy. I know I had expressed some concerns about having to humiliate him for the show, but the more I was in his presence the more I suddenly appreciated the upcoming task. Probably sensing my growing disgust, Paul quickly intervened and explained to Alden how we'd start the show and welcome him on set. It was quickly sorted and not too long after, we were ready for the last stages of setting up. We let the audience in and everyone settled rather rapidly. I was instructed to go mingle a bit with the first row of people who apparently had all paid VIP tickets. I was asked for a few autographs and I was even given a longing look by some random woman. I was starting to get rather uncomfortable under her stare when some technician finally indicated we were ready to start shooting. I went back to sit in my chair. The final countdown was quickly made and the main theme song reverberated in the studio. Paul was already barking orders in my ear making it a bit difficult for me to focus, but I was nevertheless able to stare at the main camera and read the text in it.

"Good evening everyone, I'm Naomi Campbell and welcome to Earth!"

The audience started applauding quite loudly and I was instructed to applaud along and smile at the camera while muttering thank yous. I felt a bit like a puppet to be honest. I mean yeah of course we had practiced and planned the show and I had had my say whenever we did, but now that I was on set actually shooting, I could tell that being a TV show host wasn't far from being an actress. As I continued saying thank you, I clearly heard Paul tell me to browse the crowd more with my eyes, make it feel like I cared a bit more. Actually what he really said was:

"Stop looking like a dead fish Campbell! Show you fucking care, look at them"

I swear to God I'd murder that stupid director when we were done. I totally understand why I had been a bitch to him if this was his general attitude.

"So today we have a very special guest with us! He's been one of England's favourite for quite some time and he's here today to show us that he cares about something else then scoring goals, please welcome, Darren Alden of West Ham United Football Club."

The audience cheered as if they were one mad person and I stood up to clap along politely. Alden walked in the studio waving at the crowd looking as smug as ever. He was still wearing his sunglasses even though we were inside. He looked like an idiot. I shook his hand as swiftly as I could, but he grabbed onto it and made me another pathetic wink. I wanted to vomit. If he really thought he could flirt with me and it would actually work he was mistaken. And anyway, it was publicly known that I was gay! So why was he even trying?

"Welcome Mr Alden, how are you?" I started off quite simply.

"Please call me Darren Naomi, and I'm good thanks" he replied with a little wiggle of his eyebrows.

Right then he reminded me of Cook, but a poor imitation of Cook. How Cook would actually have been if his boyish attitude and charm didn't work for him. Darren Alden, on the other hand, didn't pull it off and only looked like an even bigger twat.

"Right…" I muttered under my breath and immediately heard Paul complain about it in my ear plug.

For fuck's sake! Was he gonna let me do _anything_ at all on my own?

"So, _Darren_" I started with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. Again I heard the aggressive voice of Paul telling me to knock it off, but I promptly ignored him. "Have you always had a green sensibility?"

"Actually I have! I think the environment is important, yeah? I mean like trees and stuff, they matter" he answered looking dead serious.

I had to swallow a snort. Was that guy for real? Trees and stuff, they matter, was he for real?

"That they do!" I pushed on in a falsely cheery voice.

I saw JJ snort into his fist in my peripheral vision and it made me grin. I was quite glad though that I could make it look like a casual nice smile.

"Yeah and like I've always tried to make like life decisions that were eco-friendly, yeah? Like me and my wife we recycle loads you know?"

Wow. That guy was a complete tit. He knew virtually nothing and he was making my life so much easier. I flipped through my cards and fell onto the appropriate data I was looking for as I heard Paul say in my ear "pull the recycling card". I grinned devilishly and heard my director actually chuckle. For once I was happy that he and I seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Really? You do? That's interesting, but Darren did you know that recycling programs for glass and many other common recycling items consume far more energy and create far more pollution in their recycling process compared to the cost to bury the old in a landfill and manufacture replacements?"

"I… I hum… yeah, but I mean… recycling's important innit?"

I smiled again.

"Of course it is, I was merely stating facts you know and surely if you care about the environment then recycling can't be your key involvement" I trailed off watching him lose a bit of colour.

He was shifting in his seat already and I couldn't help but grin wider. This was actually quite nice. Now I guess I understood why I had decided to do this show. All these fucking posers of celebrities pretending to care and pretending to do stuff when in fact they only said these things to make themselves even more popular. It had always made me sick. I mean I respect that everyone didn't have to fight for the same causes. It was quite normal too. I had always believed that as long as you had your cause and were willing to fight for at least that one cause that really mattered to you, then it was okay. There was always another 7 billion of us to care about the others. In my opinion though, it was stupid to try and pretend you cared about more causes then you really did. What was the point anyway? If you didn't care then you didn't care. We were all different. So yeah, posers had always pissed me off. Debunking tossers like this Alden guy and showing the world just how fake he really was, was pretty nice. I stared at him for a few more seconds before I heard Paul say:

"_Ask him what he thinks about hydrogen!"_

I flipped through my cards again and quickly obliged. The rest of the show went fairly well. I got a few goods laughs from the audience and Alden made a fool of himself without actually noticing, which honestly made me want to die of laughter. When I finally invited him off the stage, he was quite pleased with his interview. We shot random scenes and sketches including the book and documentary presentation along with random snippets with the audience. When we were finally done with the shooting, the audience was asked to leave and I was asked nicely (not really) by Paul to go sign some more autographs while they waited. Paul kept saying how "acting" nice would help with the ratings. I didn't really feel like it to be honest since it was already quite late in the afternoon and I was knackered. I did it anyway. When the set was empty except for the technical team, JJ made his way towards me. He had a sheepish look on his face and I didn't like it one bit.

"Hi, Naomi" he tried saying casually.

"Out with it Jay. What's going on?" I said.

"Well hum… Paul just informed me of a little something…"

"Did he now… so?" I pushed trying to be as calm as possible. I didn't need to take this out on JJ.

"Well hum… He made sort of a deal with Mr Alden… When we first cancelled his interview"

"What was it? Come on Jay stop going around this and just get it out"

"Well you see, apparently Alden's wife is a _big_ fan of yours. And Alden said that he'd only reschedule if you accepted to meet her after the shooting. Private meeting and all..."

"Oh for fuck's sake!" I said a bit irritated. I just wanted to get home honestly.

"I know you usually hate these meets, but well… Paul already promised you would and if you don't go, Alden won't sign the papers to let us use the material we shot today. So basically, if you don't meet his wife, the whole shooting was for nothing"

I was fuming. I hated the little cunting prick of Paul and his secret agenda. I had been up for hours, forced to redo many scenes at Mr Paul's fucking satisfaction, I was beat and dying for a hot shower and now I had to meet this tosser's wife or it was all for nothing. I didn't even _want_ to talk to a goddamn WAG. I _hated_ WAGs. I didn't care that she was a big fan or whatever, I already knew she'd be getting under my skin two seconds after we'd be introduced. JJ cut my thoughts by swiftly hugging me and muttering "take big breaths" in my ear. I snorted and punched his shoulder.

"I'm not five! I can calm down by myself!" I said unable to hide the smile that had tugged at my lips.

"Yes but you do an uncanny impression of one!" chipped JJ.

I made a falsely insulted face and gasp and punched him again as he laughed. You had to bless the guy though. He had effectively changed my grumpy mood. I sighed deeply more in exaggeration then actual annoyment.

"Alright let's meet this _big big fan_ then." I said as I rolled my eyes.

JJ chuckled and led the way. I followed him to the backstage area, where I knew the dressing-rooms to be. Of course, Paul was nowhere to be seen. Little prick was definitely not keen on seeing me. He probably knew though that he'd have a proper bollocking when I'd see him next about having scheduled this little meet without my consent. I was trying to mentally prepare myself and talk me into being somewhat nice when we arrived in front of Alden's dressing-room. It occurred to me then that I had absolutely no idea what to say during this little meet. Perhaps my other self was used to this "TV personality" thing, but I was still very much a journalist. It didn't matter that I had shot one show and had, I think, done decently. I was _still_ just plain Naomi me and being known wasn't exactly something I was familiar with. What was I supposed to even say? Okay yeah sure I had googled myself. Fucking bravo. I still knew shit about this life of mine. I knew shit about the details of it. What if this woman _really_ knew me? What if she started telling all these facts about me and I was completely lost? I didn't have much time to dwell on it before JJ had knocked on the door and it was sprung open by an ecstatic Darren Alden. The next second JJ was walking in and tugging on my sleeve gently for me to follow.

"Naomi!" exclaimed Alden as if we were old friends.

I gave him a tight smile. I don't think I could muster anything nicer. He was none the wiser of this fact though.

"I want you to meet my lovely wife!" he said excitably and I saw some movement in my peripheral vision.

The next thing I knew, my sense were overwhelmed with red. Oh god no, this was not happening. I snapped my head to the side and felt my eyes widen. The woman approached me happily, a huge smile plastered on her lips and there was no mistaking her. She was wearing some black leggings with a white designer blouse, grey heeled boots with little bows on the side and large silver hoops dangling from her ears. I stood literally frozen as she reached my level and possessively grabbed my shoulders to pull me into a French accolade, faking two kisses to both my cheeks.

"Katherine Fitch-Alden, it's a _pleasure_ to meet you!"

I stared at her for a bit more. I didn't know what to say. How could I? I had not expected this to happen. I had not expected this at all. And really _how_ could this happen? Okay so yeah it wasn't Emily, it was Katie. A bright redheaded Katie Fitch (and since when was Katie the redheaded twin?). Fucking hell! Why did I have to meet a Fitch? Why? I had resolved myself to forget all about them! I was in a reality where I had _never_ met them! And here Katie was, strolling casually into my studio as if it was nothing. Right, it _was_ nothing to her. She didn't know me. I mean she knew who I was but she didn't _know_ me. She was just overjoyed with meeting this "public personality" that I was. And I have to admit, her enthusiasm was a bit weird. Who would have thought? Katie Fitch a fucking fan of mine! I heard JJ clear his throat and I realised I hadn't said anything yet.

"Hi! I'm Naomi Campbell. It's hum… It's my pleasure, I mean it's a pleasure for me too Mrs Alden, or Mrs Fitch-Alden, or Katherine…" I said rather lamely.

"You can call me Katie!" she said brightly flashing me another smile.

This was beyond awkward. Think about this for a second; you're meeting someone you've known for years, but you're the only one that knows it. They don't remember you in the slightest and they are nicer to you than they've ever been openly. It was just plainly awkward. I had never appreciated how awkwardness could depend on a situation and how it could sort of have various meanings. I mean there was scary awkward, funny awkward, uncomfortable awkward and others. This situation though could only be qualified as awkward in the full meaning of the term. I had no better word for it and I doubted such words existed.

"I've always liked you even when you were minister, but I've got to admit since you started the show I'm a downright fan! You are well articulate and you have proper fashion" Katie said to fill the silence.

I had to smile at that. Had Katie Fitch just complimented my fashion sense? Oh my lord this day needed to be remembered for the next centuries to come.

"I hold no responsibility over that. I've got a team deciding on my outfits. If you knew my personal taste, you'd think it was shit" I declared honestly.

Katie started laughing genuinely.

"See that's what I've always liked about you, you're funny!" she said obviously thinking I had been joking.

I shook my head slightly. If she kept on going like that I was gonna have a Katie compliment overdose. I had known her since middle school and I believe she had never given me more than two compliment max in the same day. Never more than 3 in the same week. I think she counted them and made sure of it. It was our little game, we loved each other, but couldn't be caught dead admitting it.

"Is that a Westwood skirt?" She said and I was dumbfounded. "Oh my god it totally is!"

She started talking about fashion then and I have to admit I completely lost track of the conversation. After that, she started asking me questions about the show. How it worked, how many people worked on it, how many people did my make-up, did I have a say in the content… All sorts of regular questions you'd expect any fan to ask really. I was glad that they were simple enough that I could answer. If I fumbled a little on the details, JJ would always intervene. Bless him he was my life saver in this reality! Katie complimented me again a few times and I couldn't help but frown a little at every single one. It was just so… unKatie-like. She didn't compliment me. She made snarky comments, insulted me, called me names, called me a lezza or yelled at me. That was just how we rolled. But not here, not now. Here she was actually putting on her Katie-charm full force. Not that I was falling for her (Urgh that'd be weird!), but she wanted me to like her and it showed. For the first time ever, I knew how it had felt to be Effy in our first year of College. I'd definitely have to tell her! A pang of hurt shot through me like an electric shock at that. I wouldn't tell her anything because she was gone… We had been chatting for a few minutes when Paul finally made his way into the room loudly.

"Excuse me excuse me for being so late!" he said walking confidently to Katie and kissing her cheeks. "These technicians have been keeping me for _ages_ to check on little details!"

"It's alright Paul!" said Katie.

Obviously these two knew each other. And obviously they were getting along perfectly. I can't say I was much surprised.

"So?" Paul prompted. "How has your meet been going so far?"

He was eyeing Katie carefully and I could tell he was fishing for any hint that I had been anything but nice and accommodating. He really didn't trust me one iota.

"It's been marvellous!" Katie exclaimed and I gave Paul a smug grin while crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Naomi darling you are _such_ a laugh!"

I smiled a little not really knowing what to reply to that. Was I even supposed to reply anything?

"Ah she is quite the little entertainer she is!" added Paul all smiles.

I couldn't refrain the eye roll. I just couldn't.

"I am _so_ glad a woman has finally stood up in this male world and isn't afraid to dominate! No offense babes, but you are a right bitch and I love it!" Katie said.

That made sense. If there was something Katie Fitch would like in someone, it was definitely their bitchiness. Paul laughed loudly at Katie's words and placed a hand on her arm. Darren laughed along, but I could tell he hadn't really understood the joke. Jesus, that guy really was one of the daftest person I had ever met. It was a good thing he could play football because I doubted his brain was developed enough to make him competent for anything else.

"Oh! Now that you're here Paul, we've been meaning to ask something isn't that right cutie?" Katie said shooting a glance at her husband.

"Yeah!" he said nodding while coming to stand beside Katie.

"Oh, that's exciting!" said Paul. "Out with it then girl! What is it?"

"Darren and I are hosting a fundraiser party to give to various environmental non-profit groups in 2 weeks and we'd really like it if you and Naomi, of course, could attend"

"That's a _splendid_ idea!" said Paul right away.

I wasn't so sure though. To be honest, the colours had completely drained from my face as she had mentioned the party. No no no no no… She was _not_ inviting me to a private party at her house. She was just not.

"It's gonna be a mix of our friends and some people Darren know. Like semi private, yeah?"

"Oh yeah I get it! It's _such_ a good idea Katie!" praised my stupid director.

Semi-private… At her house… Katie had said friends… Did that include family then? Oh god… I couldn't go. I just couldn't go. I had promised to myself I'd leave Ems alone. I couldn't go. I couldn't run into her.

"So what do you say?" the petite redhead.

"Of course we'll be there!" supplied Paul instantaneously.

"Hum…" I said.

"Yes _Naomi_?" asked my director with the smile of a psychopath.

Jesus that guy had issues.

"I'm just… not sure… I mean… when is it exactly?"

"Oh it's on the 4th of June! It's a Saturday" Katie said.

"Saturday is perfect!" Paul confirmed.

"Well… hum… I still have to hum… talk to Sam about it" I said lamely.

"But of course!" shot back the petite girl. "We'd be honoured to have your wife come as well"

I was a bit surprised at how comfortable Katie seemed to be with my orientation. Somehow I hadn't thought she'd be okay with it. I mean she had definitely not been okay with Emily and I when we had first started seeing each other… I guess it was one of those things she could accept of anyone easily but not of her twin sister.

"See?" Paul shouted like a maniac. "No problem then! And you know how Sam just _loves_ those events!"

"You can come as well Mr Jones. You and your life partner if you have one" Katie said politely looking at JJ.

"Oh hum… thank you, I'll hum… I'll be honoured" my best friend stuttered.

For once, I wanted to strangle him. Could he not see I didn't want to go? Could he not see the panic in my eyes? I was feeling cornered.

"Well we'll see you all there Katie! Isn't that right Naomi?" said Paul.

I could hear the finality of his tone and somehow I knew there was no way I'd get out of this one.

"Yes, of course… we'll see you there" I said defeated.

Katie actually squealed and Paul was looking a bit too proud of himself for my liking.

"We'll send you the official invitations in a few days" Katie continued. "Right, now this was a lovely meeting, but unfortunately Darren and I have to run"

"Right" I answered.

"It was a pleasure to talk with you! We will just _have_ to talk some more on the 4th won't we?"

"We sure will" I articulated through my tight smile.

"Splendid! I'll be looking forward to it! It's gonna be so much fun!" Katie squealed again before quickly giving everyone a round of kisses and leaving the studio.

Somehow, I doubted very much it would be anything but utterly terrible. I was _not_ looking forward to that party.

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**That is it for the moment. I **_**know**_**… No Emily… Absence makes the heart grow fonder! I still threw in a Fitch though didn't I? Before I forget, check out these two links, the first one is the image of Naomi's hairdo, since I'm shit at describing hair this is what I had in mind. The second is an article about environment I used. And sort of copy pasted it. So since I can't just use it and then not reference it… Here's the link! And speaking of links you can still check out my polyvore. :)**

http : / / www . zimbio . com / Celebrity+Hair+Gallery /articles / 28 / Celebrity+Hair+French+Twists

http : / / www . ecoworld . com / energy-fuels / fuel-cells / ten-environmentalist-myths . html

**On that note, thank you all for reading this, means sooooo much. It never stops meaning a lot! NEVER. Just if you were wondering! I've already got a fair bit of the next chapter down so hopefully the update won't take as long! But well, I'm only human and I never know what life has got in store for me. That sounded awfully cliché for no reason at all... Speaking of clichés! Reviewing makes me write and update faster :D And besides, I really do love it! So, yeah, lemme know what you thought of this! Thanks again and have a smashing week! XX**

**Miss**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I don't know what's up with me and monster chapters lately! They just all seem to turn out this way! Anyway, for once I don't have much to say! I told a few of you that I'd get this chapter up for the weekend and here I am keeping my end of the bargain. Like I said, I don't have much to add except massive thank yous to all of you who are reading this and taking the time to review. Your comments make me unbelievably happy! :) I'm sure I'll find a way to repay you eventually... ;) Let's say with a angst-free chapter? :P Not this one, though... But in the future! There shall be one! I sort of wanna prove I actually can write one of those :D Anyway, for the time being here's the next chapter. Massive cyber-hugs to everyone.**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 20

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I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I didn't understand how I had possibly thought that I could, how I had thought that it might be a good idea. Okay, so I hadn't really. This had been decided for me. Fucking Paul. And of course, when I had mentioned the party to Sam, she had been positively thrilled just like my stupid director had predicted. Somehow I had wished she'd tell me we already had something else planned or that she didn't really like these kinds of events. But of course, life hadn't been ever so kind. To be honest though, a part of me was actually looking forward to the party as well. I was terrified, don't get me wrong, I really was, but a part of me definitely wanted to see Emily. I missed her more than I had ever missed her and just the idea of maybe having the opportunity to glimpse her soft features sent my heart into overdrive. I felt like a fucking dog presented with a piece of meat. Just the idea of seeing Emily had me salivating like a mong (figuratively speaking, although _actually_ seeing her might make me salivate for real… I could never be sure what effect that little Fitch would have on me). But another part of me realized that I just couldn't see her. I had _sworn_ I'd leave her alone. I _had _to! Had I not ruined her life before? Wouldn't meeting me ruin her life again? I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't take that risk. I was a fucking disease and Emily deserved better. She always had. I couldn't fuck it all up for her, I cared too much. And I knew that if I saw her again, just this once, I may not be able to stay away after… Emily had always had that power over me, this unexplainable pull that affected me far more than I ever let on. It was foolish to think I'd ever be above that attraction, that pure love. In this reality or the next, I don't think it would have changed anything.

Maybe she wouldn't be there though… Maybe I was over thinking this. It wouldn't be the first time I was over thinking things… I mean, yeah the party was at Katie's, but perhaps they weren't close in this reality and Katie hadn't invited her. Maybe it was for friends only and Katie wouldn't want to invite her family. Maybe Katie would want to be the only Fitch girl present and not want to risk her twin stealing her spotlight? Oh hell who was I kidding? I had always been what had driven the twins apart and their relationship had gone back to being a good one once Katie had gotten over her initial hatred of me. So obviously in a world where I didn't exist, Emily and Katie had to be close. And I knew Katie had always used the twin thing to her advantage and would not be scared of Emily stealing any kind of spotlight off her. I was probably one of the only person who had always just seen Emily to the point of forgetting Katie existed sometimes. Oh fucking hell I was doomed.

You know what the worst part was though? The uncertainty. Not knowing for sure if I was going to run into the one person I had ever loved and still loved or if she wasn't even gonna be there. It was this probability that I just _might_ see her that was doing my head in. And it really was. It was invading every corner of me, spreading itself everywhere, staining everything as it passed. This doubt that _maybe_ I'd see her. Maybe I'd see her smile, maybe I'd hear her laugh, maybe I'd hear her voice and maybe, just maybe, if I was lucky enough, she'd even say my name. Maybe she'd say it in this particular way she had like she was savouring the sound of it on her tongue. That way that actually never failed to turn me on… I longed for her in more than one ways and this uncertainty was killing me. If I could just know for sure, I would at least stop being so apprehensive about the whole thing. But how could I? Katie hadn't mentioned Emily and therefore I wasn't even supposed to know she _existed_. I could hardly ask Katie if her twin that I wasn't supposed to know was expected to attend. But I needed to know. I really felt like I did. This anxiousness was crippling me, rendering me completely unable to function. My whole body was pulsating in this endless redundant rhythm that was her; Emily, Emily, Emily. She was everywhere, everything. She was all around and nowhere at the same time. She was worse than an obsession. She was the sheer objectification of my every desire and want. She was the only manifestation of my love, of my bare soul. I needed her like I needed oxygen. I felt like my chest was in a constant state of tightness. A bit like my lungs weren't functioning properly. A bit like, without her, they couldn't. I'd never be able to get over her, to forget her, but I owed it to her to give her a chance at a life without me. I'm sorry if it sounds so completely and helplessly dramatic, but I would sacrifice myself any day for her. In a fucking heartbeat, not one ounce of hesitation.

These two weeks were gonna be hell. I could already feel it. When I had left the studio earlier, Paul had been in a right state. He had started yelling about me hesitating about the invitation and I was so tipped off by then that I had yelled back and complained about the fact that he had set the meeting without my consent. The tone had risen to a quite spectacular level until JJ had broken us apart. I had left right away, still fuming, flipping off Paul as I went and telling him not to expect me before the following Thursday at least. He wasn't pleased but I didn't give a flying fuck. I guess deep down I knew he'd deal with it. I had been a bitch in this reality, might as well take full advantage of it. When I had gotten home, I had skipped diner and went directly for a shower and then to bed. Sam hadn't asked questions and I was glad for it. I couldn't deal with her at the moment. The second I had laid my eyes on her I had been reminded that we had slept together. Now I couldn't bear the thought of it. It was unfair that the moment I had tried to get accustomed to my new reality and be as happy as I could with what I had, I had ran into Katie Fitch. She wasn't Emily, granted, but she was the closest thing. And seeing Katie had reminded me of just _how much_ I bloody loved her fucking sister. So the idea that it hadn't taken me a full week to betray her was making me sick. I knew I had no commitment to her here, but I still had cheated her love. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or puke and I hated that the feeling was more familiar than it should have been.

When Sam slipped into bed that night, I pretended to be already asleep. I felt stupid and childish, but I really didn't want to talk. Anyway, I couldn't even explain myself. So it was better not to say anything and pretend. Pretend I was sleeping for now and probably pretend everything was fine later. I was good at pretending. It wasn't fair, but it would have to do.

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As expected, the two next weeks had been hell. Over the weekend I had received the official invitation Katie had mentioned. The said invitation had provided us with all the details we needed, such as address, time and what not. Sam had been all giddy about it and excited which had only annoyed me to no end. So obviously, because I had always been such a nice person especially when stressed, I had ended up snapping at my wife and causing a fight. When she had tried to resolve things (with a tactic I knew would lead to make-up sex) and I had pushed her back blatantly, she had called me a moody cow and left the flat. She had told me I was most welcome to call her whenever I'd have taken out the stick that I had wedged way up my arse. I had welcomed the distraction of the fight and had let her go. I hadn't called her back either. Not because I was still mad, but because it was easier to deal with the emptiness and silence then trying to pretend everything was fine. Everything was _not_ fine. I was completely coming undone with the anxiety of the upcoming party and the thoughts of seeing Emily again. The next Monday, I had called JJ and gone back to work despite my previous assertion. Thing is, it was much easier to forget about it all while I was researching data with Jay or ridiculously analyzing the show then sitting at home doing nothing. Of course, the distraction wasn't working much when Paul kept talking to me about the party and what we'd wear and everything.

On the Wednesday, Samantha came back looking quite forlorn. I felt a bit shit that I hadn't bothered with her, but I was far too busy obsessing about Emily to do anything about it. The rest of the week had been plain and boring. By the beginning of the next, I was an even bigger nervous mess and things with Sam had reached a really cold state. We'd barely talk to each other and neither of us was doing anything about it. On the Thursday night, she had tried apologizing and had made a move to kiss me, but I couldn't tolerate more than a peck. She seemed about to cry when she turned around in bed and I felt guilty, but, again, I didn't do anything about it. Truth is I had been having nightmares for the past few days and was feeling rather tired. I had been invaded with various scenarios of how Saturday would go and none was too nice. Sometimes Emily would remember me and laugh at my sadness telling me I had never been good enough. Sometimes she'd treat me like a complete stranger and introduce me to a wife of hers (sometimes it was Callie, sometimes even that disgusting Mandy girl she had seen for a bit in our last year of College and sometimes it even was that Sophia girl). Let's just say I hadn't had a proper sleep in a while and wasn't up for anything as mild as it may seem. Also, a part of me didn't want to touch Sam if I was to meet Emily. Not that it made any sense, not really and I was aware of it. I mean it's not like Emily would have a jealousy fit or anything. I _was_ conscious of the fact I wasn't committed to her here and above that that she didn't know who the hell I was, but I didn't think I could face her anyway knowing I loved her but had been intimate with someone else.

Friday came and went pretty fast even though we were shooting a show with some random foreign singer. I had been distracted and it had taken quite long to shoot everything. Paul wanted to skin me alive and I just wanted to go home and stress about the following day in peace. I had made an effort with Sam that night though and things were a bit better on Saturday morning. I was dreading the evening like I couldn't describe, but there wasn't much I could do about it. It was gonna come regardless of my feelings towards it. JJ had called earlier to let me know he had rented a limousine for us to get to the party. So I was going to ride with JJ and his girlfriend (who I had learned was called Justine during the phone call) and Sam to Katie and Alden's house in London. If Paul's rubbish was anything to go by, the place was supposed to be quite big and a bit secluded from other houses. I didn't really care much as long as I could drink on the way there. Because honestly, they'd be damned if they thought I could deal with this sober.

Saturday was slow and painful despite me and Sam being less awkward. When it finally was the time to dress up for the fundraiser, I was violently shaking. So much that Sam commented on it several times. She couldn't understand what had me losing my thing like that. Apparently my other persona had always been rather comfortable with fundraiser. I couldn't really fathom that to be honest. Fundraisers were so posh and so fake, the whole concept made me cringe. I couldn't believe ever liking those events and I therefore decided I had just lied about it. I couldn't be wrong about that. I mean I was myself and in no way could I _ever_ enjoy these kinds of events no matter how different life treated me. There just wasn't any way around that.

Sam and I started getting ready at maybe 5:00 since we were expected to be at the Fitch-Alden house for 8 pm and the chauffeur would pick us up at 6:30. Sam was still very giddy and her cheeriness was still getting on my nerves. I actually tried to avoid her as much as I could. While she was in the shower, I drank a large glass of wine in the kitchen and when she was done and started getting dressed, I hopped in the shower myself. When I was out and ready to get dressed, she was drinking her own glass of wine. It worked perfectly and it even looked quite subtle.

I stalled in the room as long as I could. I didn't need to rush since we still had quite some time before the chauffeur was at the door and I didn't want to rush. I first put on a pair of matching bra and knickers. They were black and blue and lacy and I felt a bit guilty because I knew that my choice of underwear had nothing to do with Sam and everything to do with Emily. Not that I expected her to see them. God I was still very much planning on staying well away from her, but I would have been lying if I said I didn't intend to look as good as I could and that included the underwear, visible or not. I think it's a women thing. When we wanna look good, we've got to _know_ we look good from head to toe and on every layer. It was a bit mental, but go figure, this is how it worked. Anyway, after putting on the underwear, I carefully put some light grey tights and a beige dress. The dress was quite nice even if it was a bit conventional. It was sleeveless, had no cleavage, a brown belt around the waist and fell to my knees. As simple as the dress was, I still looked really good in it and I looked sexier than you would think (I had always thought you could look sexy despite the lack of cleavage no matter what Katie would argue). I had decided to accessorize it with rather simple items as well. I chose some pearl necklace, a golden bangle that was shaped as a feather and some small round golden earrings. To finish the look I was wearing a pair of vintage heel shoes with satin bows on the front. I curled my hair carefully putting my fringe in a pompadour. I finished off by putting on a bit of makeup. Nothing that extreme, but just some light smoky eye.

When I met Sam in the kitchen, she was still sipping on a glass of wine. She had put on a simple black satin fitted dress with black pumps. She had small golden hoops on her ears and a few golden bangles around her right wrist. I could spot among them one that had a leopard print and instinctively knew Katie would bloody love her. Her red hair was put up beautifully into a bun while her fringe was also into a pompadour. I have to admit that she looked breath taking. As soon as she saw me she gave me a perfectly white smile and handed me another glass of wine. I finished it in one gulp.

"Whoa… What is up with you Noms? I've never seen you so nervous about a fundraiser before"

I shrugged trying to gather some intelligent thoughts. Obviously, none came. Sam put her glass down before walking towards me and circling my neck with her arms. I felt so stiff under her touch that I think I was a being a good competition to marble statues.

"Just relax babes, it's just another fundraiser. It's gonna be fine"

I nodded slowly and she released her embrace. Truth is she had made me feel a bit better. This was no big deal. Emily or not, I could do this. I was a strong independent woman and I _could_ face Emily Fitch no problem.

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DING DONG

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Or not… Fucking hell I was nearly literally shitting myself with anxiety. Okay, that was perhaps a gross imagery, but sometimes only really disgusting things can convey the amount of stress you're feeling. And believe me when I say that "shitting myself" didn't give a strong enough idea of just how much anxiousness I had over the whole thing. Sam and I made our way to the limousines and sat down with JJ and his girlfriend. Jay was looking good in a black suit with a burgundy dressed shirt and white striped tie. His girlfriend was really pretty as well with her light brown hair and hazel eyes. She was wearing a deep red dress with a white short sleeved bolero, a heart-shaped locket and black heels. They both greeted us rather warmly and I tried my best to be enthusiastic. I could tell JJ had noticed I wasn't completely myself, but he didn't comment and instead got me a flute of champagne. Bless him for being the best mate ever!

The ride to London was long and painful. Sam and Justine were yammering away and I was trying not to be completely off my tits before even getting to the damn party. JJ was once in a while joining in the conversation but I think he spent most the ride with his hand on my thigh making me know he was there. I appreciated the gesture, but at the point I was at, only alcohol could soothe me a bit. When I felt the limousine slow down I swear my heart rate picked up a notch. I didn't think it was possible to be that nervous. Especially after having a bit too much champagne. I have to admit Katie's place was pretty impressive. It seemed to be a bit of an old house and although it wasn't quite the size of a mansion, it was definitely much bigger than a regular house. It was completely made of grey bricks and I could count at least 4 garage doors. A faint beat of music could be heard from outside and I could see a few guests drinking on the large front gallery.

The second we had passed the threshold, we were met by a serious man in a suit that offered to take our coats from us and another one with a platter of champagne. We each took one flute and walked a bit further inside. As we advanced a little in the house, we soon found each other in the lounge and what a fucking huge one it was. I think the whole place contained about a hundred people and we weren't even squeezed. It was rather elegantly decorated as well with immaculate white walls with a few elegant paintings and shinning stainless steel lighting that were casting a dim yellow light on the guests. In the back of the room I could see a curling staircase. A few leather sofas could be seen, but they had obviously been pushed slightly to the side for the party. Now that we were in the main room we could hear the pleasant upbeat tune that reverberated around the place. Many groups of people were huddled together chatting and laughing with no care in the world. I found myself scanning the place instinctively. I tried pretending I was just looking at the scene and not looking for Emily, but who was I kidding really? I didn't have time to do a really thorough search though because not even 30 seconds after we first walked into the lounge, we were ambushed by none other than Darren Alden himself.

"Naomi! So happy you could make it!" he said while snaking his arms around my waist and hugging me to his chest.

It was quite awkward and I swear I felt his hand brush my arse slightly as he pulled off. Fucking perv. Thankfully, he had decided to skip the sunglasses tonight, but he had still managed to dress up as a tosser. He had white trousers with a light purple dressed shirt and a white tie. His shoes were made of crocodile skin (which I automatically hated on principle) and he had a belt buckle of the playboy bunny. This guy was such a cliché that it was almost surreal. I have to admit I was a bit dreading to see Katie. Katie had always been a bit… well slutty in College, but in my reality she had gotten over it as she got older. Obviously she was still very proud of her cleavage and didn't mind showing it off, but she did it with class. I was afraid this Katie wasn't gonna be quite as thoughtful of her slutty appearance. She was a WAG after all…

"Naomi!" I heard the unmistakable voice of Katie say behind me.

I spun on my heels and was quite surprised. I had really expected some shockingly revealing dress, but I had been mistaken. Seems to me like Katie Fitch, no matter the dimension, knew how to dress to impress. She was wearing a yellow and black netted sleeveless dress that had a nice cleavage and was a bit tighter around the waist. She had some black stilettos that had a sort of tribal look to them, a bangle with a zebra print around her right wrist and gold hoops laced with diamonds on her ears. Her hair was even redder than when I had seen her on set for her husband's interview and she had it up in an elegant but complicated hairdo that gave her an air of movie star. She stepped closer to me and grabbed me by the shoulders pulling me in a weird French accolade. She was beaming and looked honestly happy to see me. I still thought the whole thing was a bit mental. I mean I could always tell by the glint in her eye that Katie was happy to see me, but this was too much openness. I liked the other Katie better.

"I'm just _so_ glad to see you! Is this your wife?" she asked enthusiastically pointing at Sam.

I nodded quickly as Sam stepped forward.

"Samantha Wells-Campbell" she said comfortably while shaking Katie's hand.

Of course, the Katie's eyes had shot right to Sam's bangles like I had predicted they would. Her eyes widened and so did her smile.

"Oh my god! Those bracelets are _so_ nice! Leopard print is my favourite!" Katie said.

Sam returned the beaming smile.

"Thank you so much! Actually, I am dying to ask… Is this dress a Dolce & Gabbana?"

"Yes! You noticed?"

"Of course! It is beautiful!"

"Thank you!"

Both women were smiling so much I was afraid their cheeks were gonna crack.

"_Of course Katie and Sam had to get along perfectly"_ I thought bitterly.

That was just fucking dandy wasn't it? They both turned to me and I tried to smile at them but I could feel that I wasn't doing a very good job of it. They didn't seem to notice though and that was a good thing I guess.

"Naomi! You didn't tell me your wife was just amazing!" Katie jokingly scolded me.

I smile again and shrugged. Both women didn't acknowledge me further and started talking animatedly. To be honest I didn't even try to listen to them and started scanning the room again. There were so many people in the house it was a bit overwhelming. So many dresses and suits and colors and sounds. Everything was meshing together, coming together like it all made sense. I felt a bit like a fool, like the idiot in the classroom that couldn't understand a simple equation, because to me, none of this made any sense at all. I was fairly sure that only a few people here knew what the charity function was for and even fewer actually cared. I wondered for a moment if I was alone in all of this to feel like I didn't belong. I wondered if someone else was feeling like an outsider in this big gathering of people, if someone else was feeling out of place. I wondered if this someone else might be Emily. I wondered if she was there somewhere looking at all this like I was and wondering the same things.

I drank the last of my champagne and motioned to Sam and Katie that I was going to find some more. JJ and his girlfriend and Alden had disappeared off somewhere while Katie had come over and started talking fashion with Sam. I walked rather unconvinced to the back of the large room, swerving around the party goers. A few people stopped me to ask me if I really was Naomi Campbell and we exchanged a few words, but I wasn't really in the mood to chit chat. In fact, I was more in the mood to look for the kitchen and hope to God they had a hidden stock of vodka. It took me a fair amount of time to locate the said kitchen, but I finally managed it. It was just as pristine as the lounge had been and I was a bit overwhelmed with all the stainless steel on display. The counters were of black marble and the cabinet of authentic teak. It looked really nice but this place had to be a bitch to clean. I didn't doubt for a second though that Katie and her husband had never cleaned it once. I rummaged through the various cabinets for a few minutes before finding a bottle of vodka. I smiled at my prize and quickly opened it. I took a quick swig of it, wiping the excess off with my forearm. It wasn't classy, but it would do the trick.

I took a few other swigs before placing the vodka on the counter in front of me. I was feeling a little bit buzzed and I have to admit it felt pretty fucking great. I stared at the bottle, wondering if taking a few extra sips would be pushing it or if I could still take it. The thing is, as I had walked through the house, I hadn't seen a sign of Emily. I was seriously starting to think that she wasn't there at all. So perhaps drinking some more wasn't really necessary. But on the other hand, I could have just missed her since the place was so big. So maybe more drinking was in order. I was still in deep concentration over that issue when I was brought out of my thoughts.

"There you are!" exclaimed an over-excited Katie.

I lifted my head and saw that she was smiling brightly. I frowned a little. Yep, still not used to happy and nice Katie.

"There's someone I _really_ want you to meet!" the redhead said while waving someone over.

I couldn't see who they were and automatically my heart started accelerating. Oh fuck, was Katie waving Emily over? Or was it someone else entirely? I wasn't sure I was ready if it really was Emily. I didn't think I could handle meeting her yet. I didn't think I could handle having her in such close proximity to me. I waited on edge as the person made their way towards us trying to adjust my dress as best as I could. I couldn't see who the hell it was and it was driving me a bit insane. I couldn't stop fidgeting. When the person finally reached us and flashed me a genuinely nice smile, I felt my eyes widen in shock.

"Naomi Campbell I am so glad to meet you! I have to admit I'm a big fan!"

I stared in shock as my brain gathered the information. After a few seconds it finally clicked into place. I put on a little smile on my lips and brought my hand forward to shake the hand of none other than Jenna Fitch herself.

"Pleasure's mine" I said politely.

Jenna beamed and I was confused. Handling a nice Katie is one thing; handling a nice Jenna is a whole other. I mean Katie had had her moments in my reality, moments where she would forget she was supposed to pretend she hated me. And in those moments she'd be quite similar to the Katie that seemed to love me so much in this reality, only with less enthusiasm. But Jenna… I mean, yes, she respected me an even accepted me. She was polite and decent and generally nice to me. But it was always very calculated. Jenna acted like that with me only to please Emily and I could tell. Emily, bless her, never really seemed to and was just happy her mom had finally accepted her, accepted us, but I could see it. I was never going to be Jenna Fitch's favourite person and I just had to live with that.

To be fair to mama Fitch, we had had one moment where she had been completely open with me and me with her. She had told me how afraid she was that I was going to hurt Emily again and I had reassured her. She had told me then, for the first and last time ever, that she thought I was a good person and that she knew I could make her daughter happy. She had said that I had the power to either make Emily the happiest women alive or the most miserable. She had concluded that as long as I was intent on focusing on the first part only, she'd accept me as family. She had been about to leave when she had turned around and told me she was glad that Emily was with someone that loved her as much as I did and she had even wished us good luck. She had been quite drunk at the time, but the thought was there nevertheless.

So yeah, obviously this moment had been rather nice and I always knew deep down that Jenna didn't hate my guts, but there's a world between not hating someone and actually liking them. Jenna had never really gotten around to liking me and that was that. So seeing a Jenna that was just so genuinely bubbly to talk to me? It was the weirdest thing ever let me tell you that.

"Naomi, this is my mum Jenna Fitch!" said Katie oblivious to the fact that I of course knew who I had just shaken hands with.

"Oh, well it's an even bigger pleasure then Mrs. Fitch" I said.

"Oh please call me Jenna!"

The oldest smiled even brighter and I think I was actually slightly scared. I had never even gotten to the point where she wanted me to call her Jenna… You couldn't expect me to just be okay with all this niceness! Jenna launched herself in a myriad of questions about the show and my involvement in it. She asked a few more questions about my time as a minister and I answered as good as I could. Katie was listening too, filling in for me sometimes with the information I had already told her. Normally it would have annoyed me (I was an independent woman, I could answer questions on my own) but tonight, I didn't mind. Both Fitches were terribly nice and I was feeling more and more awkward of that fact with each passing minute. I kept glancing at the vodka bottle wishing to just chug half of it. After a little while, I was saved from the interrogation by Sam. She marched in the kitchen and seemed quite relieved when she saw who I was with. Katie introduced her to Jenna who seemed very pleased to meet her. I didn't think I'd ever see Jenna be comfortable with an openly gay couple and, as I had suspected with Katie, I was inclined to think that the problem had always been Emily being gay rather than the gayness itself.

"Nomi, Paul is looking for you, I think he wants to approve of your outfit to be honest… Anyway, he won't let down" Sam said to me after having greeted everyone.

"Oh right" I muttered.

Katie laughed and Jenna smiled kindly. Sam and I excused ourselves politely and made our way out of the kitchen. As we were leaving I distinctively heard Jenna ask Katie:

"Katie love, is your sister coming tonight?"

I felt my blood freeze and I very much wanted to stop right there and hear the reply to that question, but Sam kept on walking and I followed. I cursed under my breath a little though. I had been _so_ close to knowing the answer of my undying questioning. I followed Sam obediently, but I also kept shooting glances behind me as if that simple gesture would make me hear the goddamn answer of Jenna's inquiry. When we came to a halt, I turned around again to face the front and expected to be face to face with Paul. I had not expected it to be someone else. I had not expected to come face to face with Emily Fitch. I blinked furiously trying to figure if this was just my brain playing tricks on me or if it was real. When after a few seconds, Emily hadn't disappeared and I let myself realize that she was really there.

"Oh Naomi!" said Paul as flamboyant as ever. "Look who I just discovered existed? I thought she was dear old Katie for a minute! Apparently Katie has a twin though! Isn't it fabulous?"

I wanted to say something, anything really, to break this awkward silence that had formed after Paul's question, but no sound would come out of my mouth. I stayed there, completely transfixed with the vision of Emily before me. I was acutely aware of everyone around me looking puzzled, but I couldn't tear my gaze away from Emily and apparently neither could she. Seeing her like that after so long made me realize just how breath taking she really was. The first thing I had noticed was her hair, because it wasn't red. I was a bit shocked to see it just brown even if it did look lovely falling freely like that on her shoulders. What I noticed next was what she was wearing, because she looked just… too good for words really. She was wearing a really cute strapless dress that was light pink with coloured polka dots. On anyone else it might have looked stupid and childish, but on her it was just perfect. She had put on a black long sleeved bolero on top of her dress to probably look a bit more conservative, but I could still see the soft curve of her neck and shoulders and it sent a shiver down my spine. Involuntarily, my tongue darted out of my mouth to moist my lips. I hoped no one had noticed. To accessorize her outfit, Emily had chosen to wear brown strapped sandals with a silver bracelet with a heart charm at the end and beautiful earrings made of silver and red feathers. After taking in her clothes, I let myself take in her appearance. I trailed my eyes on her legs a bit, on her stomach, on the curve of her neck, on her soft face. God she was beautiful! More beautiful than anyone really. I felt like I was soaking in all that was her and my heart had definitely reached its peak of beating per minutes. I felt like I was swooning as I rekindled myself with her small button nose, her pink full lips and her warm brown eyes. We were stuck in a trance and it was Emily who finally broke it. Personally, I think I could just as well have stayed there and stare at Emily for the end of eternity.

"I'm Emily" she offered with a tight lipped smile.

"I hum… Naomi. I'm Naomi. Naomi Campbell" I stuttered lamely.

"I know who you are" she snapped rather aggressively.

I was a bit surprised by the fierceness off her tone. Had I offended her in any way? Had I stared a bit too much? Had she noticed the lustful eye I had trailed on her? Shit… I stared at her in surprise and I could see Paul doing the same next to me. I was trying in vain to find a suitable follow up comment after that and was saved the effort by Katie and Jenna joining us.

"Emsy love! How long have you been here?" Jenna said.

"Just arrived a few minutes ago mom"

The older Fitch nodded before embracing her daughter quickly.

"Have you two been introduced?" asked Katie gesturing between me and Ems with a smile.

"Yep" Emily replied while avoiding looking at me.

It hurt a little. I didn't get her whole demeanour. What she that cold because of the perving? Had she really noticed it? Or had I done something to her? Fucking hell we weren't even supposed to know each other! She was being cold to me and I didn't know why and that was upsetting. Katie on the other hand seemed to know because I saw her rolling her eyes and sigh.

"For Christ's sake Ems! You could at least be nice yeah?"

"I _am_ being nice" Emily replied coldly, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Like fuck you are!" Interjected her sister.

Katie turned to me and when she saw the utter look of confusion on my face she decided to explain.

"I'm sorry Naomi, but my stupid sister doesn't like you very much"

"Oh" I muttered chancing a glance at Emily.

"She used to like your proper, but ever since you started that show she thinks you're a cunt"

"Katie!" Emily growled.

"What? You do! If you can't tell it to her face then don't say it at all!" pushed an annoyed Katie.

I was standing there looking a bit gobsmacked. I looked at Emily who had turned bright red at her sister's admission, but when I cocked a curious eyebrow at her, she only glared at me. Okay… this turn of events was definitely… interesting I guess.

"Don't mind her" assured me Katie after taking a look at my hurt expression. "She doesn't know what she's talking about half of the time"

She laughed a little at her comment while Emily was looking even redder. There was also a hint of sadness and pain in her eyes. I was wondering why on earth she hadn't told Katie to shove it yet when we were interrupted by someone else's arrival.

"If it isn't my favourite mother-in-law!" a low voice spoke.

We all turned around in time to see a man walking up to Jenna and throwing his arms around her. The elder Fitch laughed genuinely while smiling up at the man. He was quite tall, I would have guessed maybe 6 feet, and well built without being the muscle machine Katie's husband was. He had short tousled blonde hair and stubble and white perfectly aligned teeth. He was wearing a pair of black trousers with a white dressed shirt, a red tie and a grey waistcoat. When he turned towards Katie to greet her, I saw that his eyes were clear baby blue. I was a bit shocked. Especially because there was one thing going through my mind in repeat. He had called Jenna his mother-in-law. And Katie's husband was Darren Alden. So unless James had suddenly turned gay in this reality, which I doubted a lot knowing how the boy had always loved the female body, this had to mean that he was… oh god!

As the man placed a hand on Emily's lower back and bent down to press his lips against hers, I felt my body freeze. Oh and my heart stop as well. What the hell! No no no no no! This had to be a set up. Right then I was nearly tempted to laugh because it just _had_ to be a joke. Ems married to a man? I mean come one! Emily had always been as gay as a window! There was no way around that! There just couldn't be any way around that. Emily was the gay twin just as surly as Katie was the slutty one. I mean I couldn't understand how she could be with a man. Granted, he was a good looking lad, but that was the problem, he was a lad. I must have looked at him funnily because he gave me a quick quirk of his eyebrow and I felt myself blush a bit. I tried to conceal my dejected expression as he stepped forward and introduced himself.

"Jim Hollingberry" he said presenting his hand. "And you must be Naomi Campbell".

I nodded and shook his hand briefly. I couldn't say anything more as he stepped back and placed his arm around Emily's waist. I stared, perhaps even blatantly. I just couldn't register that information. I was expecting Emily to just… Step out of his reach or something, but she wasn't. How could she let him touch her?

"Jim is my sister's husband as you may have guessed" said Katie mistaking my look of disbelief for genuine confusion somehow.

I nodded again before turning a bit of a blank stare to the redheaded twin. I tried to shake my thoughts a little, to form coherent thoughts, but it wasn't all that easy. I really couldn't understand how things had turned out like this. How could Emily be with a man? Under what circumstances? Maybe Emily was really bisexual and not as gay as I had always thought. But then again I had always thought that because Ems herself would say so. I mean she had never ever talked about any guy. The only guy she had ever been intimate with was JJ and every time it was mentioned, I could tell she looked a bit disgusted. So how was it possible that she be with a man? I chanced another look at her and this Jim guy and noticed that she had cuddled slightly into his tall form. She looked neutral, but he was sporting the proudest grin. Obviously he was if he had married Emily, tosser. My throat was hurting and I could feel my numbness slipping away. It would have been a good thing if the feelings replacing it hadn't been ones of complete and utter pain. Seeing Emily with another woman was something, but seeing her with a man was quite something else. It made me feel like perhaps I had never known her as well as I thought I did. And I think that that's what hurt the most. I had been with Emily for 8 years in my reality and although my beautiful little Fitch always found ways to surprise me, I had always thought I knew her more then anybody else. But how could that be true if she had liked man as well and I was none the wiser about that simple fact? I hated that I was doubting the "us" I had known. I hated how much it hurt. I had to say something, I realized. I couldn't keep looking like a complete tit like that. I had to be at least subtle about the internal chaos that was happening inside myself.

"That's hum… sweet" I managed to articulate. "How long have you been married?"

I tried to make it sound as casual as possible, but deep down I was really dying to know.

"We've been married for 3 years! We met in our last year of Uni and hit it off right away" Jim replied.

"Great" I muttered with as much fake happiness as I could muster, although I could hear the slight shake in my voice.

I was hoping no one else could though. The thing is this was annoying me. How could it not? I could have expected Emily to maybe be married to a woman, but not a freaking man! What was up with this reality and the "everything backwards" deal? Why on earth was Katie the redheaded twin, why was she nice to me, why was Jenna nice to me, why did Emily dislike me, why the fuck was she married to a guy? Somehow I couldn't let go of that last question as much as the others because the answer held so much more meaning to me. They were all fighting each other in my brain these questions were though; I didn't even know where to start to find answers. I didn't even know if I could or would get answers anyway.

"So Jim… What do you do for a living?" I asked trying to do this thing called small talk although I had always been quite horrible at it.

"I'm an editor!" he said right away. "I edit some local newspaper. It's brand new actually I've just been promoted. I used to be a journalist. I was in charge of the business column"

Okay. That was freaky. It was just as Jim said journalist that it all flashed. He was blonde with baby blue eyes and he was a journalist. Holy molly this guy was me! He was a male version of me! So maybe not exactly but _still_. You had to admit the resemblance was a bit spooky! Actually the whole thing was a bit ridiculous! I had married a woman who was Emily's biggest lookalike apart from Katie and Emily was married to a man who was the male version of me. It was just… I was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. How was that even possible? What were the chances of a situation like this actually happening? If Emily and I hadn't bloody known each other and were meeting for the first time, how was it that our life partners so closely resembled the other? Was the universe trying to tell me something I wasn't getting? Was there something I was meant to understand in this, but somewhat succeeded to miss? A sappy or romantic person would have yelled that this was fate, that this was _proof_ that Emily and I had to be together, but I wasn't sure and I wasn't that kind of person. If anything this was just pure coincidence. I couldn't start believing in that bullock of fate. I mean I had pure evidence that I only ended up fucking up Emily's life. So what place did this "fate" theory actually hold against rock solid facts? I had to rely on that and not some shallow thing as the looks of our respective partners. As uncanny as that actually was.

"Of course I don't need to ask you what you do" said Jim cutting across my thoughts. "I quite like your show I find it really entertaining!"

"Oh well thanks" I said simply.

"It's quite funny sometimes how you just manage to make fools of some stars without them noticing! It's brilliant! Of course it's always a bit of a debate at home since Emily doesn't enjoy it much" Jim stated looking knowingly at his wife.

Emily had turned bright red again as her husband said that and I saw her go stiff. She obviously wasn't comfortable with him talking about it just as she hadn't been comfortable with Katie earlier. One thing was sure now though, Emily seemingly wasn't a fan of my talk show. To be honest, I think I loved her a bit more for that. Ems had always been a kind woman and I could totally see how she would have found a show like mine appalling. I was glad to see she was still that woman here. A woman to goddamn good to pick on anyone, not even the most deserving wankers.

"Jim don't…" she muttered under her breath.

"Why not babes? It's funny, innit? I'm sure Naomi doesn't mind. Can't have just fans can you?" the man said turning to look at me.

"It's fine really. I don't mind" I said just because I wanted Ems to feel better.

I looked at her and gave her a smile but she only frowned and scolded at me. Jesus!

"There you go! Anyway, it's not that she thinks what you're saying is wrong or anything, but she always says you could be a bit more kind, a bit more nice about it" the man continued.

I could tell Emily was getting even more uncomfortable, but her husband wasn't noticing.

"She always says… what it is you say hun? Oh yeah! She always says "Jim why do you bother? Campbell's a cunt who thinks she can get away with anything just because she used to be minister if her head grew a bit bigger she wouldn't be able to balance it anymore" She thinks you're an arrogant know-it-all, but I think you just have some spunk and I like that. It's a good quality in a woman. And anyway, you look like a perfectly nice to me now, so I'm sure most of it is just for show" Jim finished with a soft chuckled.

Katie, Jenna, Paul and Sam all joined in on the laughter, but Emily wasn't laughing. She was looking completely mortified and actually hurt that her husband had shared that story with me. On my part, I have to admit I was rather upset. No matter the reality I couldn't help being affected by the fact that Emily seemed to think so lowly of me. Had I really been that bad of a person for her to think those things of me? It was awful to think I inspired disgust in her. I could feel my stomach squirm uneasily and tried to hide my pained expression with a smile. When the laughter died down, Katie spoke.

"That's totally Emily! Like I said earlier Naomi, don't mind _her_. She doesn't know what she's talking about half the time!"

This seemed to be the last drop for Emily as I saw tears form in her eyes and she quietly excused herself. No one gave her a second look as she made her escape. I, on the other hand, was overcome by the desire to follow her and make sure she was alright. I hated seeing her so vulnerable, so obviously hurting. I knew it would look a bit weird though if I did follow her. After all, Emily was supposed to hate me here and I wasn't supposed to know her. Let's face it, general decorum made it so that you ended up disliking the people who you didn't know that didn't like you for no apparent reason. So to chase a stranger that didn't like you would be well… questioned. And I didn't need people to have questions about Emily and I. There wasn't supposed to be a "Emily and I". Not here. Wasn't it the whole point?

So I watched her leave and disappear from view while everyone continued talking and laughing. I felt a bit sick. I absolutely hated it. I hated that no one could see how upset she had been. I hated that no one was going after her. I hated I couldn't just do it. I stood there and watched as Jim talked about his new job and about other menial things. I didn't like the guy. Not only because he was married to the woman I loved, but simply because I didn't. Okay so maybe that's not the most articulate way to explain my dislike for someone, but I had a hard time to put words to the feeling. I was sure it was more then just the fact that he was Ems' husband though. Well… I was pretty sure… I mean, I think it was more then just that… Okay, maybe not, but so what? I had every right to dislike the guy! So what if he was quite handsome and had a good job? So what if he had a nice laugh and a genuine smile? So what if Jenna and Katie seemed to bloody adore him and if he seemed like an all around nice guy? So what if he actually was a bit smart and quite well articulated? I hated him. I guess it hurt me more that he seemed so bloody perfect. Seems like Emily really had scored quite the lad. Maybe he hadn't noticed her storming off sad, but he really seemed to care about her. Whenever her name would come up he had this goofy grin and particular look… It was sickening. I still couldn't quite fathom this though. I mean he was a man! Could Emily really be happy with a man? I hated how these stupid realities were making me doubt things I had thought I knew for certain.

The conversation had been going for a few minutes and Emily had still not come back. I was a bit distracted wondering if she was alright, but, unfortunately, it did not stop me from hearing Jenna's next question.

"So tell me Jim! Have you and Emily started talking about giving me grandkids?"

She sounded real excited and I nearly spit my sip of champagne at the thought. Jim chuckled lightly before replying:

"Actually Jenna, we _have_ been discussing it"

He seemed real proud of his announcement as Jenna squealed in excitement. They started talking about kids really quickly after that and I knew I needed to get out of that conversation. Truth is, not only did it make me completely uncomfortable, but the thought of Emily shagging this bloke made me want to puke my guts out. I excused myself from the little party, explaining to a questioning Sam that I was going to the bathroom and walked away as fast as I could without it looking too obvious.

I walked for a while in actual search of a bathroom. When I found the main floor one, there was a bloody line up so I decided to make my way to the staircase I had spotted upon coming in. When I got to the second floor, I was relieved to find it empty. With so many people in the house, I had been surrounded all night so far and it was nice to get a few moments alone. I found a bathroom about midway into a long hallway. I went inside, locking the door behind me and went to the sink. I splashed a bit of water behind my neck and on my cheeks to cool down. I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a few seconds. I was quite a sight and, sadly, not a nice one. My skin was so pale I looked ghastly and I had bags under my eyes as big and deep as caves. This whole little dimension travelling was taking its toll on me and I could see the result. After a few minutes, I stepped out of the bathroom and decided to roam the second floor. I wasn't quite ready to return to the party and it felt nice to just be able to relax and breathe for a while.

It had to be said, Katie's house was rather nice. The hallway was painted in a cream color, the doors were obviously made of thick wood, a few tasteful paintings were aligned on the walls along with a few family pictures and the lighting was always classy but not too bright. I found myself tracing the wall with my right hand, letting my index and middle fingers brush against the cold surface. For the first time since walking in the house, I was feeling calm. I was also feeling a little buzz of alcohol that had seemed to disappear while I was being a nervous wreck around Emily's husband downstairs. Also, without the music and chatter constantly buzzing all around me, it was easier to take notice. I wouldn't say I was drunk, but I was certainly well comfortable. I noticed a door ajar and took a look inside the room. It was a nice large bedroom with a large king size bed with soft white sheets and duvet. The furniture around it was made of dark wood and glass and I could see at least two walk in closets on one side. There was another door probably leading to a bathroom on the other side of the room and, right in front of me, there were two glass French doors leading to a large balcony. I had a feeling this must be Katie's and Alden's bedroom. I made my way through it, passing the French doors and stepped outside onto the balcony. The fresh air hit my nostrils and entered my lungs within seconds and it felt so damn nice that I closed my eyes to properly soak in the moment. I really wished I had brought my purse inside instead of leaving it in the limousines so I could just light a quick fag. I don't know how long I was standing there with my eyes closed, but the moment was interrupted by footsteps behind me.

"Oh" a voice I recognized said.

I snapped my eyes open and turned around. My stare locked immediately with the warm brown one of Emily. I felt my eyes widen in the surprise of finding myself face to face with my favourite twin. Earlier I would have done anything to find her and now that I hadn't even been looking for her there she was. Her eyes were red and her make-up was a bit smudged. It was obvious that she had been crying. I felt awful and all I wanted to do was to take her in my arms, pressed against my chest, her head buried in the crook of my neck, but I couldn't do that.

"What are you doing here?" Emily asked rather forcefully.

I felt my throat squeeze at her tone and simply shrugged. I didn't know why she hated me so much and quite frankly her behaviour was hurting more and more. I hadn't done anything to her that I was aware of, but she still treated me like I had. Surely it couldn't be only because of a stupid talk show? She seemed so angry, that it nearly felt like I was with the Emily that had been so mad at me for cheating on her and god knew I couldn't handle that twice. It had been hard enough to do it once…

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was here, I just went to the bathroom down the hall and well… this is a nice house…" I provided.

Emily just kept glaring at me, crossing her arms in front of herself. Her eyes were so full of anger it broke my heart. It's one thing to see the woman you love with someone else, but it's a whole other to see this kind of look in her eyes. I could handle her soft touches and glances with Jim, but this look? When you're used to love and patience and admiration and understanding, it's hard to suddenly see only hate, anger and slight disgust reflected. It really fucking hurt. And not just a little mind you, it hurt loads.

Best way I could ever explain it is that it's not as quick and strong as a clean heartbreak. It's actually slow, agonizingly slow. It's like each stare chirps away a piece of your heart and leaves you bleeding. And then when you've nearly controlled said bleeding, it chirps another part and continues to do so until you've bled out. I had gone through this with Emily once after Sophia and the feeling of guilt had made it all the worse. But I have to admit that there was something quite particular to see that look in my lover's eyes that was so akin to the one I had known when there didn't seem to be any reason for it at all.

I clenched my teeth and took a quick breath. I had to get out of there. If she didn't want to see me then I'd make it easy on her and disappear. That had been the plan all along anyway, right? I had to stay away from Emily and she was only making it easier for me. Okay so maybe I hadn't expected it to hurt that much, but that didn't matter. I started walking to the door to leave Emily alone on the balcony, but as I walked passed her, her hand shot out and grabbed my arm to stop me. I hated how that simple contact had sent my whole body in heaven, my synapses firing away what felt like thousands of volts of ecstasy. God I had missed her touch. It only lasted a second though before her hand left my arm. I turned around slightly to lock my eyes with hers again. I was relieved to see that her expression had softened a little, although I could see a hint of shock in her big brown orbs. I wondered for a second if she had felt that connection too.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

I shrugged since I didn't really know what else to do.

"You don't have to go… I mean… Don't go because of me" she continued.

"You didn't seem to want me for company…" I replied slowly.

A look of sadness passed through her eyes and as much as I didn't like to see Emily sad, it was better then anger.

"Katie's right… Don't mind me, I don't know what I'm saying half the time" She said with a fake chuckle.

I hated that she felt the need to put herself down. Where the hell was my beautiful all confident Emily?

"I don't think that's true"

The brunette gave me a curious stare, but I didn't explain further. I had nothing else to explain after all. Emily cut the eye contact and went to lean on the railing. I looked at her without saying anything, literally rooted on the spot. I didn't know if she wanted me to leave or not.

"You're not like I expected" she said after a few minutes without looking at me.

"What did you expect?" I asked curiously still not moving.

"I'm not sure… Someone more… like Katie I guess"

I let out an instant chuckle and she turned around to look at me. She looked curious for a second, but my laughter finally won her over and she started laughing along. God I had missed her throaty laugh and her beautiful smile! Her eyes were sparkling in amusement and she was looking more beautiful then ever. It was nice, actually beyond nice to just be there with Emily and laugh.

"You really don't think too highly of me then?" I said when the laughter had died down a little.

"Not really…" Ems admitted giving me a half smile and an apologetic look.

"Well I don't like you either then" I said with a grin.

"Cheeky" the petite girl replied.

"I believe the word you used was cunt, thank you very much"

Emily laughed again and I couldn't help the proud grin that broke onto my face. When her laughter had died down, the brunette gave me an appraising look. I just stared at her, trying to look as confident as possible even though I was slightly shitting myself. Emily's gaze had always had the power to make me come undone. After a few seconds she smiled softly.

"You're really not what I expected… Doesn't it bother you that I don't like you… Or rather that I don't like your show?"

The honest answer would have been "yes, it does bother me because I'm madly in love with you", but it didn't seem appropriate in that situation. Besides, I was a bit relieved to see that her basis for disliking me had nothing personal and merely stood on the fact that she didn't like my talk show. That, I could deal with.

"Not really…" I started slowly. "Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and I know the show can seem quite… offensive at times"

"I just don't get it!" she exclaimed.

I was a bit surprised at the level of passion she had put into that simple statement and by judging by her blushing cheeks, so was she.

"What I mean is… Why? Why humiliate people like that? You used to be Minister, you used to start projects that mattered. I just don't understand how you could move from that to being a bitchy talk show host. I could you endorse such a _thing_ if you're not yourself a bit of a cunt"

"Some people deserve to be put in their place… I just do it more bluntly than others." I answered shrugging.

"Does it _have_ to be done that way though?"

"Does it make me that much of a bad person if it's the way I chose to do it?" I asked instead of actually replying.

"I don't know… Sort of… Humiliating people like that is akin to bullying"

"So you think I'm a bully?" I said a bit surprised.

"A type of bully yes" Emily replied seriously.

I was insulted, I have to admit.

"You don't know me" I accused in a sharp tone.

"Don't I know enough?" she challenged.

"Well, it's my turn to say that you're not the kind of person I expected" I said bitterly.

"And what kind of person would that be?" Emily asked raising her eyebrow at me.

"The kind that would actually get to know the person before judging"

The petite girl was silent for a moment after that and I could tell I had startled her. I kept my eyes on her, daring her to say I was wrong, daring her to prove me I was wrong.

"You have a point, I am"

"Well could have fooled me" I scoffed.

"I'm sorry" she offered and she sounded sorry as well.

"It's okay" I said quickly shrugging.

"It's not. You're right, I don't know anything about you except what I've seen on telly"

"You don't" I agreed.

We were silent for a few more seconds. Emily crossed her arms in front of her chest and started fidgeting. She was biting her bottom lip and when she wasn't, she kept opening and closing her mouth as if to speak. It was clear she wanted to say something, but was afraid of saying it, whatever it was. When she chanced a look in my direction, I cocked her an eyebrow to prompt her to speak. Emily closed her eyes for a second and sighed.

"Prove it" she blurted out.

"Pardon?" I asked surprised.

"Prove it to me… That you're… different"

I waited for a moment contemplating her request.

"Why would I do that?"

She hesitated a little.

"Because I want to believe that you are…" she admitted in a small voice.

She looked sheepish and had blushed furiously after saying it. My heart had started pumping fast in my chest as the words hit me. She wanted me to prove to her I wasn't a cunt. She actually _wanted_ to believe I wasn't a cunt. I could tell though that she didn't know why. I could tell she was confused. And I could definitely tell this was a bad idea. I was supposed to stay away from her! I wasn't even supposed to talk to her this much. How was I supposed to prove her wrong and stay clear of her at the same time? I bit my lower lip and furrowed my eyebrows as I considered her words. I wanted to prove her wrong, I really fucking did. I didn't want any Emily, no matter the reality, to dislike me. I looked at the petite girl and saw the expectant look on her face. I let my eyes trail her soft features, the line of her jaw, the curve of her nose… She gave me a half smile and small dimples appeared on her cheeks. Fuck me she was gorgeous and I was no match for such loveliness. I walked a bit closer to her so that we were about a foot apart. I stopped and locked my blue gaze right with her amazingly deep chestnut one. I could see her eyes were confused and she was waiting for me to speak. I let the corner of my mouth curve into a smirk.

"Alright" I promised and watched her eyes light up as my heart swelled with happiness.

Yep, I really was no match for Emily Fitch.

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**I have to confess something… I absolutely LOVE the fact that Naomi is being a bit blind at the moment. I sort of think a few of you guys will be telling me how much you got frustrated with Naomi's stubbornness and daftness in this, but I absolutely loved writing it that way. And well I did do it just a bit to antagonise you all :D Lol! Not really. But seriously, Naomi IS stubborn. And to make her suddenly all trusting and believing in stuff like fate? Pleaseeeeee! She never would! That being said! I hope you guys enjoyed Emily's grand entrance! Do I hear finallys or are my ears deceiving me? Want to keep Emily present now that she's here? Well you should review :P Because I love reviews and I'm not above purposefully write an Emily-less chapter just because you didn't :P Muhahahahha Evil laugh. There, I've done it. I am now officially evil! Lol! But seriously, I'd love to hear your thoughts and know if you're still interested to see where this is going :) Cheers XX**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Is this really an update? JUST before Christmas? Yes indeed! This is I guess my Christmas "gift" to all of you lovely people :) But before, I'd like to give a shout out to a few people!**

**First, I'd like to thank Emz2009 who is not only an extremely talented writer on here (have you read "Feel It"? That shit is off the hook! haha) but someone who I've had the luck to chat with on several occasions. Emz, we joke about it quite a lot, but you ARE amazing! Life sometimes gets a bit... you know... and when it does it's really hard to write and be motivated. So I'd like to thank Emz particularly because she actually took the time to listen to my rants and helped me out on a personal level. So homey, thanks :) It's more appreciated than you know.**

**Second, I'd like to thank Monkeypen (even if she already knows that I will) because I've had the funniest weeks on twitter EVER! AND she's been SHAMELESSLY pimping me! SHAMELESSLY! You think very highly of me love (I can't really call you with that other nickname here now can I? :P), probably more so than I deserve! But thanks :) Your kind words are gold to me :) You've got one kick ass heart! Keep it :)She's got no story for me to pimp... But when you DO, I will oh so pimp you :P  
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**Thirdly (is that how you say it?) Thanks to Myrtle! We've been having quite the funny correspondence! Again, sometimes life gets you down, but reading your messages ALWAYS made me smile! And I needed that! Your messages and your story OF COURSE! You know I'm the biggest Capes and Capers fan out there :P I'd pimp it, but everyone knows it's a GREAT piece of work! I doubt anyone is not reading this marvellous piece :) Moose says Hi! And enjoy this chapter ;)  
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**And finally, Thanks TO EVERYONE who's reading and reviewing this little piece of my imagination! With the weeks I've had, I don't think I'd have found the strength to write at all if it wasn't for all your lovely words of encouragement and dedication! There's still some rough times ahead for me I'm afraid so keep the love coming and I'll keep the chapters coming as well :) Thank you!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! I hope you find the time to celebrate with the people you love whether they're friends, family or lovers. Because that's what Christmas has always been about for me : love :) **

**Enjoyyyyy **

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Manifolds

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Chp. 21

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After promising Emily I would prove her assumptions of me wrong, we hadn't really talked again. Before parting though, she had opened her purse and handed me her phone. I had punched in my number and had asked her to text me so I would get hers. I had then walked back to the party and back to Sam. I felt horribly guilty when our eyes met even if I had done nothing wrong. I guess the mere fact that I knew I was going to see Emily again was enough to trigger the guilt trip though. I still had no intentions to just woo Emily or anything of the sort (I _had_ to remain her friend. She was married and seemingly happy for fuck's sake!), but seeing her again had affected me more then I had expected. Had my heart really always danced that much when I saw her or was this new? Was this an extreme reaction due to not seeing Emily for a while or had I just not been aware of the effect she had on me? To be fair, it was possible that I had gotten used to this fluttering of the heart with the years of sharing my life with Emily Fitch.

Maybe ten minutes after I had rejoined the party, I had seen her come back and stand next to her husband. The bloke had kissed her on the forehead giving her a warm smile before continuing a conversation about football he was having with Darren. I hated the little pang I felt in the pit of my stomach at the display. I was supposed to be happy for her, not bloody jealous. Sam and Katie were chatting away, discussing fashion and other shit subjects while Paul and Jenna were discussing our show. Jenna was laughing loads and I could tell Paul was a big mama's boy. The only interesting part had been when Paul had inquired about Jenna's lack of husband. It had only occurred to me then that Rob (and James for that matter) was nowhere to be seen. I had paid attention just long enough to hear Jenna explain that she had divorced her husband a few years ago. It had come as a bit of a surprise to me and I had made a mental note to ask Emily about it later. The rest of the conversation had been meaningless and I had zoned out right away.

I didn't really know where to fit in any conversations and apparently neither did Emily. For some reason though we couldn't utter a single word to each other. We kept shooting small glances in the other's direction, sometimes making eye contact. Every time we did, Emily would turn bright red and tighten her hold on her husband. I was wondering if her heart was fluttering as much as mine was or if it was just wishful thinking on my part. As wrong as it was, I couldn't help wishing it wasn't the latter.

At some point we had all separated, Katie stating she needed to attend to other guests. Sam and I had wandered through the lounge until we had found JJ and Justine. I was a bit pleased to see that JJ seemed just as bored as I felt, but Justine seemed well excited. When we reached their level, she launched into a detailed story of which celebrities they had met. I couldn't be bothered to listen to be honest, but Sam was so it didn't show too much. After maybe half an hour of mindless chit chat, I was ready to hang myself. Before I had made any concrete plans though, the music stopped and we all turned around to see Katie and Darren standing in the staircase, looking down at everyone. Katie had a microphone and started addressing us all, thanking us for coming and all that stuff. She seemed quite at ease and I could tell this wasn't her first public speech. Not that I was surprised, Katie Fitch and fame had to go lovingly well together. The crowd had gathered closer to listen to her and I could see that JJ was getting increasingly uncomfortable with all the people surrounding us. I had grabbed his arm and led him outside for a quick fag on my part and some fresh air on his. He had seemed really grateful and we had mostly stood outside in silence for a while. I liked that we hadn't needed to talk, to fill the silence with meaningless conversation. It was nice to just _be_. The more time I spent in this reality, the more I was appreciative of JJ. I really had judged him too fast in my home reality.

When we had finally made our way back inside, Sam had told me she had already donated a large sum for the fundraiser. She didn't even know which charity we had just supported and didn't seem to care. I could have rolled my eyes out of their sockets. This whole fake caring was disgusting to me. I had never wanted to donate to random charities, in my reality, because I liked to personally check them out beforehand. Emily quite agreed with me so it was never a problem. This time though, I didn't really mind because now that our good deed was done we didn't need to hang around and I was personally more than ready to head home. It was closing on midnight and I had had enough of the party. JJ had been more than pleased at my suggestion and our partners had both agreed, although a bit reluctantly. We had sought out Katie and Alden and had said our goodbyes. A few minutes later, we were sat in the limousine, on our way back to Bristol.

I hadn't seen Emily before leaving and I was trying my hardest to pretend I didn't care. Truth is though I couldn't stop thinking about her for a whole second. Even if it wasn't red in this reality, her hair had still been magnificent and looking as soft as ever. Whenever I'd see a lock get in front of her eyes, I had wanted to just reach out and gently pluck it behind her ear. One time I had actually lifted my right hand automatically and had had to disguise the movement as putting some of my own hair behind my ear. I was pretty sure I had been bright red afterwards and I was hoping no one had noticed. To make matters even worse for my self-control, Emily had still smelled as fresh and sweet as I had always known her and her voice had still had the capacity to send ripples of pleasure right down to my heart. I had closed my eyes in the limousine, feigning fatigue, but really, I was just letting my thoughts lose themselves in Emily for a few minutes. I could still hear her laugh drumming in my ears, still feel the electricity as our skin had briefly touched. Emily had always been the death of me. She had always had this inevitable pull, inevitable force of attraction that dragged me in completely, made me lose all coherent thoughts for a minute. A force that felt like it was truly above gravity for it was overwhelmingly strong and I had absolutely no control over it. And sometimes, when I would just let myself feel, I didn't even want the control because losing myself in Emily felt like a good thing in the end. At least it did in those occasions.

For the first time in a long time I was realizing I was scared. It really had been ages since the thought of Emily Fitch hadn't scared me to death, but it was now. I couldn't understand how strong of a hold she really had on me. I had absolutely no control around her and that scared me more than I could ever explain. Perhaps it was the fact that I had never needed anyone, never wanted anyone, but Emily changed it all. She had the power to take me away from everything I knew and everything I thought was safe and smart and throw me completely somewhere else, somewhere I felt completely unstable, somewhere I didn't know anything about.

I couldn't understand how 10 minutes of her in the vicinity had me throwing away my mental plans and promises. I wasn't supposed to see her, I wasn't supposed to approach her. Maybe Emily being with a man had been a bit of a surprise, but she had looked happy nonetheless. For Christ's sake they were even thinking of having children! They just _had_ to be happy and I couldn't fuck that up for her. Maybe I could still stay away though… Maybe I could still keep my distances. After all, I didn't even have her number and maybe Emily wouldn't text me. I had grabbed my purse from the empty seat to my left and had rummaged through it to find my phone. As I had checked it I had noticed I had no new messages. Here it was! Most likely Emily had just asked out of curiosity and now that she was thinking about it she thought it was a terrible idea. Why would she care about getting to know me when she clearly disliked everything about my person? I didn't need to worry, if I couldn't keep my distances, Emily would keep hers.

I had gone to bed that night pretending to be so knackered that I'd fallen asleep the second my head had touched the pillow. I concentrated on not flinching when Sam grabbed me from behind and pulled me closer to her body. I tried to enjoy the warmth she was providing me. I tried to appreciate the luck I had to be married to such a sweet woman, but the last thought I had before falling into deep slumber was of a set of beautiful brown eyes full of anticipation and excitement and they were definitely not those of the woman currently cuddling me.

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The next morning I felt a bit rejuvenated. I was being a bit cold to Sam, but I had been able to kiss her properly when she woke up and that was a plus. I could tell she could still see something was up with me but I shoved it on the fault of a supposed hangover when she asked me if everything was alright. She had bought the excuse, hadn't questioned me further and had proceeded to make breakfast. After breakfast, we both sat on the couch. I was reading the paper while Sam was reading some book, neither of us really noticing the other. After a few tense hours, her cellphone rang into the silent room and after glancing quickly at it, she disappeared to answer it. A few minutes later, she was back in the living room and announced me she had to run to work for an emergency. I barely acknowledged her statement, giving her a non committal groan and she left the flat maybe five minutes later. She hadn't kissed me goodbye and although I thought it was a bit odd, I guess I didn't deserve any better.

Once I was alone, I quickly discovered that it was much harder not to think about Emily. And it was killing me. Actually, I had had dreams of the younger twin all night long. Dreams filled with laughter and loving eyes and well… let's admit it, intertwining limbs. Now that Sam was gone, it was hard not to go back to those dreams. After maybe an hour of mindlessly flicking through the channels and finding nothing on telly I was a bit annoyed. Okay so my mood didn't really have anything to do with the shit telly, but mainly with my stupid brain that had been unable to think of anything else but those goddamn naughty dreams about Emily. I closed my eyes trying to get rid of all those images, but they only got worse. Eyes closed, I could _see _Emily's soft rosy lips, imagine how would feel against my own and then how they would feel as they made their way slowly along my jaw line and down my neck. I could nearly feel her kisses and I had to suppress a moan when I imagined her tongue darting out to taste my skin. I could imagine her warm breath on my collarbone and felt shivers cascading down my spine. I could feel myself get terribly turned on then and shot my eyes open again. Fuck me this had to stop. I got up quickly and decided that a cold shower would do the trick to cool down my heated thoughts. I was stronger than those desires. I just had to choose my weapons against them and a shower seemed just about the right one.

I stepped in the shower with the best intentions in the world and turned the tap to the coldest it could go. The thing about showers in the summer though is that even the coolest isn't that cold. I tried to soak myself completely under the water, feeling like a submerged state was just what I needed to clear my head, but the thoughts of Emily wouldn't leave me.

In the last dream I had had, Emily and I had been about to have sex on the balcony of Katie's bedroom. We had undressed each other quickly and passionately tearing at our clothes, needing to feel our skin touch as much as possible. We had then laid down on the cold stone floor. I had trapped Emily underneath me, the both of us completely naked. We had been kissing passionately, letting our tongues meld together. Ems' eyes had been dark with want, desire and need and her body had been sexily writhing in beat with mine. I had had my thigh pushed between her legs, feeling her wetness all over me.

As I recalled the dream more and more, I felt my core pulsating no matter how cold the freaking shower was. My breathing became laboured and I let my hands roam a bit on my own body unable to stop my mind imagining they were Emily's. The more I let my mind wander to the dream, the more it seemed like nothing would make the sudden ache I was feeling between my legs go away. In the end, I gave up and let my hand make its way where I needed it the most at the moment. As I stroked myself slowly and knowingly, I didn't even try to stop the images of Emily invade my brain. With each new image, I'd rub a bit harder and quicker at my clit and feel myself getting closer to climax. One flash of Emily's flustered skin and I let out a shaky breath. Another of Emily's loud moans and I was moaning in echo. The images were overwhelming, invading me to the point I really believed I had no choice but to let them take over. I didn't question anything anymore as I let a finger enter me slowly. My brain was too occupied sorting through various flashes of Emily to think of disguising or muffling my cries of pleasure. All I could see was pale perfect skin, a soft thigh here, a nipple there, the curve of a beautiful arse, a taut stomach. I quickened my pace, added a finger and it became more and more difficult to stand. I was panting hard as I imagined an extra flushed Emily. I could only imagine what her skin would taste like if I could have her now. I imagined my hands were roaming over her perfect body, I imagined her crying out my name in that completely husky groan she always had when we made love and it was enough to finally tip me over the edge. When I did, I was beyond controlling anything so I let myself cry out loudly Emily's name along with many expletives.

It took quite a few minutes for my heart to regain a normal pace and my breathing to stabilize afterwards. I felt my throat squeeze in shame a little and quickly washed myself off before stepping out of the shower. It wasn't that I was ashamed of what I had just done, god I wasn't a fucking prude and this certainly wasn't the first time I had touched myself, but I did feel guilty that the thoughts of Emily had made me come so hard. I hated how no one seemed to compare to my beautiful twin and how no one seemed to satisfy me but her. I felt trapped under her influence, completely unable to escape it. And the truth is I didn't really want to escape it. I loved her. I loved her so completely that only with her did the idea of sex sound so appealing. There's a difference between getting off and connecting and Emily made that difference crystal clear every time. With her, sex wasn't just sex anymore, it was beyond that. It was an experience of two souls meeting at their most raw forms. It was the action of coming together (sometimes literally), of understanding what made us "us". It was the way in which we had always shown ourselves completely. There was no need to hide anything, not in this moment. Emily had always had this fascinating openness to her. An openness I could only dream of ever matching. When she talked, when she moved, when she laughed, Emily was open. She was always so completely open, so truly herself that it was beautiful. The petite girl had always been a beautiful person, but this confidence in her, this easiness of just being had always been impressive and incredibly sexy to me. I, on the other hand, was reclusive, always hiding behind my big words, my scowls and my eye rolls. I didn't have this easiness to just be me. Maybe it was because of my dad leaving, maybe it was because Gina had always thought me to be a big girl and self-sufficient. I never really knew, but in the end it didn't really matter, that's how I was. I got better as I grew up and I got better with just being around Emily. Her ways were intoxicating, but in a good way I guess. Thing is, the only time I felt like I could be completely open and completely myself, the only time I felt like I was showing Emily all of me was when we were making love. Because when we did, it was so perfectly beautiful that there were no barriers anymore.

Of course I hadn't had sex with her right then but, even if it was just the thought of her, all of this still mattered. One thing was obvious to me now, no matter how much I had all these beautiful thoughts of friendship or no contact at all, my love and my yearning for Emily were emblazoned in me, in my heart and there was nothing I could bloody do to change that.

I thought back to Sam and how I hadn't even kissed her as she left for the office and felt another ripple of guilt take over me. It's a bit funny how guilty I felt about betraying a woman I barely knew. Not that I had done anything really, but still, I knew that she would have been heartbroken to know where my mind had gone and what I had just done. And I wasn't completely heartless, that did bother me. I didn't like the idea of hurting this woman who had done nothing wrong. I hated how I seemed to mock things up no matter how honest and true to myself I tried to be. I guess I was a bit of a fuck up…

The minute this thought hit me, I shook it right out of my brain. I couldn't keep feeling guilty about everything. If I did, I'd turn properly mad by the end of the day. And anyway I didn't need to make a big deal out of this. Emily hadn't texted me and most likely wouldn't so that was that and there was nothing to actually worry about. I wouldn't betray Sam any more than my brain had already and Emily would be safe from my destructive person. I kept telling myself it was better this way, but I had a hard time letting it go completely. How was I supposed to? How was I supposed to let go when I knew that wherever she was, Emily disliked me. Actually, properly disliked me… She thought I was a cunt, that I was arrogant. It pained me to think that the woman I loved above everything else thought all this bollocks about me. I mean I had never been perfect, but that's what Emily had always loved about me right? She had loved that I was a bit of a moody cow, couldn't function properly without a tea or a coffee in the morning, always complained about trivial things like traffic and always avoided to take the garbage out (garbage bags often leak and it grosses the fuck out of me!). She loved that I was a bit of a bitch and she had always said it turned her on when I used my wits to prove my point. That's what I was doing in the show ultimately wasn't it? So why the sudden dislike and distaste? I also couldn't help being a bit mad. She had said she wanted me to prove her wrong. She had said she wanted to be proved wrong. And now she wasn't even contacting me. So much for giving me a chance and not judging me… The Emily I knew wasn't that kind of person, she _always_ gave people the chance to show her their views and their truths. She was always receptive and she'd actually listened. So what the hell had happened to her?

I felt a familiar surge of anger travel my body and quickly exhaled to let it go. I had to remind myself that this was for the best. No contact with Emily was what I had tried to aim at in this reality to begin with. I couldn't be mad now that I seemed to be managing it. I had to remind myself of that. To be honest all my resolve and intentions were rather easy to forget after I had laid my eyes on my perfect little twin for a second. She was just so pretty and so sweet. She smelled so good and felt so soft… Okay, now I was beginning to get excited all over again. Fucking hell that Fitch woman and her undeniably strong hold on me! I quickly got dressed with a pair of slacks and an old band t-shirt and went back to the living room. I plopped myself on the couch and was about to reach for the remote when I heard my cell phone beep from where I had left it on a nearby table. I grabbed it without much ceremony and felt my eyes widen when I saw the new text reflected on the screen.

**Hi this is Emily. Sorry for not texting sooner. So, are you still up for proving me wrong?**

I took a big breath before releasing it. So much for Emily staying away so I wouldn't have to do it. My fingers were hovering above my cellphone, slightly shaking. I was ready to reply, but at the same time I was wondering if this was a good idea. I fucking _had_ to stay away from her! I knew I'd be no good at distancing myself if I actually got to hang out with her. I mean how was I supposed to just be friendly and stuff when I was madly in love with her? And if the last reality was anything to go by, I knew I'd eventually cave and fucking kiss her. I couldn't go there. I just couldn't! Okay so maybe the thoughts of kissing Emily had me buzzing in anticipation and joy, but I _had_ to keep those thoughts in check. I _had _to leave her alone! I don't know how long I stared at the screen, my brain battling my next move, but it must have been a while because what finally popped me out of my self-induced trance was another message from my beautiful brunette.

**You do realize that if you don't reply you'll be proving me right, right? Sorry Miss Campbell, but it seems like you are stuck with me. Ems **

I chuckled at her words as it hit me that she was bloody right. If I decided to ignore her messages after I had already agreed to her request the night before, I'd be behaving like a right cunt and therefore proving her right. Well I couldn't let that happen now could I? It was only a matter of pride really and had nothing to do with the growing need to see the other woman. Nope, nothing at all…

**Don't get your hopes up, I won't let you have it so easily. I'm still up for it if you are. Naomi**

I waited a few seconds stupidly staring at my phone until her reply came through. Was it normal for my heart to beat that fast over a text message?

**I am. So how exactly do you intend to prove me wrong? **

I smiled a little before typing:

**Any way possible. I'm not fussy really, you choose. **

Before you say anything, I did not have _any_ sexy thoughts when I typed "any way possible". No! No sexy thoughts I swear! No no! Promise! Okay well perhaps a few… Perhaps a bit more than a few, but who was checking really? Again, my inner monologue was interrupted by a new text from Emily.

**Okay, well what's your schedule like?**

I was about to type a reply when my phone started ringing in my hand. I frowned a little and felt my heart full on stop when I realised it was actually Emily calling me! Oh god! She was calling me! She was _actually_ calling me! I'd be talking to her, I'd be hearing her voice! Because _she was calling me_! I realized in a jump that if I didn't actually answer, she'd think I was blowing her off. I shook my over ecstatic brain and quickly pressed the answer button.

"Hello?" I said in a squeaky voice.

Nice, real fucking smooth… Urgh, I hated my complete and utter lack of coolness when it concerned Emily Fitch.

"Hi!" replied the husky voice of Emily. "I hope you don't mind me calling… I just thought it was a bit silly to text each other when calling would be much faster…"

"Yeah sure! I mean no, I don't mind you calling at all, but yeah, calling is better, nicer, I mean quicker!" I said rapidly stumbling over my words a little.

My babbling had been so pathetically ridiculous that I sort of wanted to die right now of shame. Jesus! I was such a knob sometimes!

"Good. Well, as I was saying, what is your schedule like?" Emily said thankfully not commenting on my fabulous conversation skills.

"Well hum… I work every week day. From pretty early to pretty late… I have the weekends off" I offered.

"I can't on weekends… Jim usually likes it better if I stay at home with him since he's off work as well…" she said in a small voice.

I was very tempted to ask "so what?" at that moment, but refrained myself. I barely knew her and making quick judgment on her lifestyle wasn't going to get me anywhere nice. And it would certainly not help prove her I was no cunt (most of the time because I had to admit I _was_ a bit of a cunt sometimes, but aren't we all?)

"Right… well that fits perfectly then" I said sarcastically trying to ease the sudden tension that had arisen in our conversation.

I heard Emily chuckle on the other end of the line and couldn't help a grin from tucking at my lips. God I loved her laugh!

"Maybe you could visit the studio?" I said when Emily didn't add anything else.

"Really? I'd be allowed?" she asked genuinely surprised.

"Of course you would. I'm actually the boss" I said a bit cockily.

"Course" Ems huffed.

"Well… what do you say? It would perhaps demystify a few of your prejudice against the show to begin with"

"I guess it might" conceded the younger twin. "Where is your studio?"

"On the outskirts of Bristol, I could text you the coordinates"

"Bristol eh? Is that where you live?"

"Yes it is. Where do you live then Miss Fitch?"

"I live in London Miss Campbell and it's Fitch-Hollingberry, thank you very much"

I could tell by her tone that Emily was just joking around, but I still cringed a little as I was reminded that she was married. Well… I couldn't blame her really, I mean, so was I. Regardless of that fact though, this easy bantering with Ems had me smiling like a loon despite my better intentions.

"Yeah?" I said. "Well you should know than Miss Fitch-_Hollingberry_ that it's Campbell-_Wells_"

I heard Emily chuckle again.

"My apologies Miss Campbell-Wells or should I say Mrs?"

"Oi please! I don't feel old enough to be called a Mrs!" I said in a fake indignant voice.

We both laughed together after that and when our laughter died down we were drowned in silence. I wish it would have been comfortable because I didn't like this weird tension with Emily. I was acutely aware of her breathing on the other end of the line and I suddenly felt goosebumps travel the lengths of my chest and arms. I closed my eyes slightly, just enjoying the sound, knowing it was coming from Emily. I guess it can sound a bit creepy, but when you love someone so much, even the smallest things, the little details (like breathing) that seem insignificant to the rest of the world just feel different to you. Not only do you notice, but you revel in it. I felt like I could nearly feel her breath on my skin, in the crook of my neck just like when she'd cuddle at night before falling asleep or after having sex or any time she felt like it really. I nearly forgot for a moment that I was supposed to be having a conversation. I nearly forgot that Emily was probably waiting for me to say something, because in that moment, the conversation didn't matter much. Only Emily did, only her presence, even if it wasn't right next to me.

"Naomi? Are you still there?" I heard her voice say properly snapping me out of it.

"Yes yes! Sorry"

"It's okay…"

"Good…"

We were silent again for a few seconds and this time I concentrated on not getting lost in my thoughts.

"So is it okay with you then?" I asked.

"Eh? what is?" Emily said sounding quite confused.

"Visiting the studio…" I answered slowly. "I mean is Bristol too far away?"

"Oh yes! I mean, yes it's okay, no it's not too far" Emily said rapidly and I was a bit happy that she seemed to have been the one to be lost in thoughts this time.

I would have taken on the worst torture to actually know what she had been thinking about. I felt bad for hoping she was thinking about me.

"Great!" I said in an annoyingly high-pitched nervous voice.

I cleared my throat after that before continuing.

"When shall I expect you?"

"Some time next week" Emily replied and I could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Oh? Aren't you gonna tell me when?"

"Nope! I want to catch you off guard so that I'll get to glimpse your real nature"

"Right!" I chuckled.

"Well it wouldn't be very convincing if you knew ahead and only pretended to be nice for my sake!"

"Don't worry, I'm such a saint that anytime is fine for me. After a single day you'll have no choice but to admit of my unbelievable charm and wit. You'll be flabbergasted."

"You know your use of sarcasm is disconcerting here. Aren't you supposed to prove me exactly that?"

"It's all part of the charm, believe me, you'll be asking for more" I teased.

"You wish" Emily said in a chuckle.

I smiled to myself and bit down my lower lip to keep myself from adding a "yes" that would have undeniably made Ems uncomfortable. We stayed silent for a while and the tension grew again. I hated how heavy our silences seemed to always be.

"Well hum… that's that then" Emily started.

"Yeah…"

"So you'll text me your studio's address yeah?"

"Yes yes. Will do"

"Good so hum… See you sometime then" Emily said in a soft voice.

"Yeah! See you" I replied a bit awkwardly.

After that, she hung up and I was left frozen on the spot really. My heart felt ridiculously full and empty at the same time. Full because nothing made me swoon like talking to Emily, but empty because the conversation had ended and I was reminded that she wasn't here, in my day to day life. Usually on lazy Sundays we'd either sat cuddled up on the sofa, watching re-runs of random shows, not really caring as long as the other was there. That or we'd stay in bed and make love to each other as many times as our bodies would allow us. This felt so different, being here on my own, in the flat I had shared with Ems. Even when Sam was around it felt weird. Our relationship seemed to be so… domestic, so aseptic. Completely opposite to what Ems and I had always been. The furniture wasn't the same, but I still had many memories tied in to every corner of this flat. Many of which included hot, passionate and sometimes dirty sex with my petite lover. But here, now, in this reality, I doubted Sam and I had many memories like that, if we had any at all…

The rest of day went by rather slowly and uneventfully. I ended up going to bed at around 11pm and Sam had still not come back from work. At around 7, she had texted me to let me know she would be in pretty late, but I hadn't expected it to be _that _late. I felt like it was a bit hypocritical of me to mind when most of the time I felt more comfortable with her gone. To be honest, it wasn't so much that I was missing her presence, but it made me uncomfortable. This relationship we had really was _nothing_ like the one I had had with Ems and I didn't quite understand how we had ended up married! I mean, where was the love? Where was the quality time? Where was the laughter? I felt a bit bad that none of that seemed to be there and it mostly seemed to be my fault. Sam would look at me sometimes with this little glint in her eye, but I never found it in me to reciprocate. Not that I could, being Emily's and all, but when I didn't, I could tell Sam wasn't overtly surprised and _that _really made me feel like shite.I couldn't help constantly wondering how much of a bad wife I had been… I was also wondering if it'd be that bad if I was married to Ems or if it was just because I had married someone else. I closed my eyes and tried to forget. When I fell asleep that night, I was still alone in bed.

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Monday had been a pain. And I mean an actual pain. I had been constantly on my toes, waiting for Emily to show up, but of course she hadn't. She had told me she'd come randomly so I wouldn't expect her. To be honest, I was hoping she was lying and be there on Monday regardless, but of course, Emily Fitch was anything but a liar. Tuesday hadn't been much better. I was constantly expecting her to just walk in and that put me on edge. By Thursday, Emily still hadn't come to the studio and I was beginning to think she had changed her mind. I guess she still had today and Friday, but I was tired of anxiously waiting for her. It killed me to expect her at any minute like that. Call me a control freak, but I just wanted to know if I'd see her at all or if she wouldn't bother.

The plan for the day was that we were supposed to be shooting an interview with some ex-contestant of the X-Factor that hadn't done much afterwards, but still liked to pretend she was a huge celebrity. I actually had no idea who she was and had needed a bit of a briefing from Paul earlier on in the week. He hadn't been impressed and had yelled at me as per usual. I was so used to it by now, I had barely noticed.

Anyway, JJ and I were sitting in my office, slowly killing time before we had to get ready to shoot. Jay was sporting a very casual look today with a pair of high tops black sneakers, blue jeans, a wine red shirt and a black V neck wool sweater. I, of course, had to be dressed a bit more professionally since I was gonna be shooting later in the day. I was wearing a layered black pencil skirt with a royal blue satin blouse, black shiny pointy pumps and long silver dangling earrings. My hair had been slightly curled and my fringe had been placed so that my left eye was barely visible. The look was great, but the vision deficit wasn't all that nice.

So JJ and I had been in my office for the past 20 minutes and we still had no clue when we were supposed to start recording. Actually, the problem was that our main guest hadn't shown up yet and everyone was starting to wonder if she would. I personally couldn't have cared less if she didn't, but waiting here was quite boring. I just wanted to go home. I was bored as hell while JJ was sat in front of me trying to solve a Rubik cube for the 5th time in the last hour.

"This is bollocks why don't they just cancel the thing?" I asked Jay.

"I think they're trying to reach her manager or something"

"Right… well this is stupid" I said with a sigh.

"I'll have to agree with you on that"

JJ didn't look up at me and continued twisting the cube in every direction. I tried to make sense of his movements, but it was really beyond me. I didn't have that kind of wits. I had a brain for analysis, languages, politics, logic too in a way, but pure mathematics? I was quite shit at that. Sure I had done fine in high school in my maths classes, but it had never been my strong suit. Guys like JJ though were geniuses when it came to the abstract world of mathematics and science as well. They could see patterns and repetitions where other people couldn't and to them it was bloody easy. I watched JJ twist the cube knowingly with a small grin plastered on his face. This was no challenge for him. He could see it clearly in his mind how the little colors would align in the end. I was mesmerised by his speed and confidence. How on bloody earth could he work this thing? I mean it had 6 surfaces and… 6 surfaces? Like 6 different kinds of dimensions… Oh god! Why hadn't I thought of this before!

"JJ!" I exclaimed out of the blue startling my friend.

"Yes?" he asked curiously.

"Do you like science-fiction?"

"Hum… I hum… I guess. I mean it depends. Are you asking the genre in itself or a specific branch of science-fiction? Because, arguably, they can be treated as two different things. I mean most people only refer to them as one, science-fiction being the main theme and its composites being-"

"Jay!" I cut him off.

"Oh sorry, got locked on"

"S'okay Jay. Anyway, what I mean is, are you interested in the subject matter of science-fiction?" I tried explaining more clearly.

"I guess you could say that I am"

"Great! Jay, what do you know about other dimensions!" I asked quickly.

I guess I must have looked like a complete lunatic because the man was eyeing me curiously. I didn't care to be honest, because I was about to have _the_ conversation I had been dying to have with someone since starting this ridiculous journey! I couldn't believe how dim-witted I had been! Last reality, I had been hoping to meet JJ to ask him about this sort of thing and now when I was in a reality where JJ was actually my best mate I had completely forgotten about it. I was so ecstatic I could have kissed Jay and his bloody Rubik cube. He was _bound_ to know something!

"Hum… What do you mean exactly by other dimensions?"

"I mean like twilight zone creepy shit! Like alternate realities and all that bollocks! Is it even possible?"

"Oh well... there are many theories on the matter, but it has been expressed that it could be possible…"

"Yeah?" I said excitedly. "Explain it to me please!"

"Well a multiverse of a somewhat different kind has been envisaged within the multi-dimensional extension of string theory known as M-theory, also known as Membrane Theory. In M-theory our universe and others are created by collisions between p-branes in a space with 11 and 26 dimensions, the number of dimensions depending on the chirality of the observer obviously. Anyway, each universe takes the form of a D-brane. Objects in each universe are essentially confined to the D-brane of their universe, but may be able to interact with other universes via gravity, a force which is not restricted to D-branes. This is unlike the universes in the "quantum multiverse", but both concepts can operate at the same time."

I stared at JJ blankly for a second. What the hell had he just said?

"The quantum what?" I said dumbly.

"The quantum multiverse!"

"What's that?"

"It's also called the multiverse interpretation or many-worlds. It's an interpretation of quantum mechanics that asserts the objective reality of the universal wave function, but denies the actuality of wave function collapse. "Many-worlds" implies that all possible alternative histories and futures are real, each representing an actual "world" or "universe". It's also referred to as MWI, the relative state formulation, the Everett interpretation, the theory of the universal wave function, many-universes interpretation, or just many-worlds."

JJ was looking at me with a proud expression. I could tell he was glad to have answered my question so thoroughly. Problem was I hadn't understood a fucking word of what he had just said! I stared for a couple of extra seconds to see if he'd catch on and explain it differently. Obvious, JJ didn't notice my confusion. I guess this stuff was rather simple to him.

"JJ… I didn't understand a bloody word of what you just said! Care to explain it in dummy words for me?"

"Oh…" said JJ looking a bit uncomfortable. "I'm sorry I didn't realize I was being complex…"

"S'okay Jay. So…? Alternate realities?"

"Okay well… hum… It's hum… I don't know how to explain it differently…" the boy declared looking sheepish.

Fuck… This conversation wasn't exactly going like I had imagined.

"Well hum… Is it possible?"

"On paper it certainly is"

"And in real life?"

"Never been proven of course"

"And could someone… you know… travel between those realities?"

"That's never been proven either… I doubt it's possible outside the realm of cinema"

"Right…" I said slowly.

Genius! So I was living something that had absolutely no logical ground in physics or science in general? That was bloody marvellous that was.

"But what if it did happen Jay? What if someone was like brought to an alternate reality?"

"What kind of reality? Where technology is more advanced or something?" He asked me seriously.

You had to bless the guy really! How many guys do you think would have pursued this highly ridiculous conversation with me and actually bother to care about their answers? Not many! I didn't care what the majority of people thought, they were wankers and people like JJ were fucking gold!

"No, more like if you did something different you know?"

"Oh so a kind of "what if" scenario?"

"Yes! Exactly! But also stuff you don't have control over"

"Like what?"

"Like never meeting certain people…"

"That's interesting… I'd quite like to see how my life could have turned out" JJ said reminiscently.

"It's not that great…" I grumbled under my breath.

"What?"

"Nevermind. Anyway, do you think that could be possible?"

"Well, like I said, nothing actually proves that reality travel is possible. I guess you'd need some kind of molecular switch that would be big enough to alter the space continuum of your own reality. Something as strong as gravity itself"

"Can anything be that strong?"

"I'm tempted to say no, but in science you can never dismiss any theory that quickly"

"What about a storm? Would that be strong enough?"

"Well… No… I mean… Storms don't generally generate enough energy to alter molecules… I mean I guess it could depend on the concentration of said storm and the angle-"

"Jay!"

"Right, sorry… I don't know Naoms I'm sorry"

"What if someone was stuck in some other reality then their own… would there be a way for them to like… travel back?"

"Well possibly through the same kind of event that brought them there in the first place I would say…"

"Would there be another way though?" I asked seriously.

"You mean hypothetically? A way for that person to create the reality warp themselves?"

"Yes hypothetically of course!" I said blushing a little.

JJ pondered for a long time before saying anything. I could tell he was racking his brain as much as he could, making complex assumptions and calculations. I was trying to act all cool, but really I was sitting on the edge of my seat. What if there was a way? What if I could actually find a way to leave this place? I didn't know how my home reality would be once I got there, if things would have continued without me of if it had frozen or something, but it had to be better than here! Couldn't get much worse now could it?

"I don't think any normal person could to be honest Naoms…" JJ said seriously.

I felt my heart falter a little.

"Why?" I asked trying to hide the desperation in my voice.

"Well to create a molecule shift big enough… I mean no one knows if it's even possible other than on paper… So there's that, but also, if it were, that person would need some seriously advanced machinery…"

"Yeah… you're right…" I conceded finally.

I have to admit I was completely crestfallen. So this was it then? I was stuck here and had absolutely no mean of getting out. I mean the traffic incident had probably been a fluke in space time because there was no way a simple car impact could create the amount of energy JJ seemed to believe would be necessary. So this was all down to fate whether I'd be here forever or not. I didn't really like those odds. Fate had a sort of habit of shitting on my face lately. JJ was looking at me apologetically and I was still slightly lost in thought when I was startled by a knock on my door.

"Finally fuck!" I said before getting up and answering the door.

I had expected to see Paul, but when I opened the door, I was face to face with the tall security guard of the building.

"Oh, hello" I said raising my eyebrow at him questioningly.

"Miss Campbell, there's someone at the front who's asking for you" He said in his deep calming voice.

"Really? Who?"

"She says her name is Emily Fitch"

My heart skipped a beat as I took in the new information. Emily. Emily Fitch. Here. In the studio. Less than a few meters away. Asking to see me.

"_Well obviously you twat! She was supposed to meet you this week remember!" _My brain said to me exasperated.

Honestly, with this talk about realities and quantum mechanics and whatnots, I had completely forgotten about Emily promising to visit. Not that I hadn't been thinking about Emily at all. I had actually, but I had been thinking about _my _Emily, the one back home. But to be told now that the Emily Fitch from this reality was waiting for me at the front was just as unnerving as thinking about mine if not more. After all, I could just clasp my arms around mine and kiss the life out of her while this one I had to act friendly, but not too much. This was a real challenge. Being so close to her but not being able to touch. I don't know how long I was gone in my head, but it was JJ who actually spoke next and brought me out of my brain.

"Emily Fitch? Why does that name sound familiar?"

I frowned a little and then realized… Fuck! I had actually asked JJ about Emily before we had ever met her! Oh shit, bollocky fuck! He couldn't possibly remember that could he?

"Course it's familiar Jay, she's Katie Fitch-Alden's twin sister… You must have met her at the party" I supplied.

"No… I don't think that's it… I've heard the name before elsewhere" he muttered still looking puzzled.

Oh damn you Jonah Jeremiah Jones and your overtly large brain! Why couldn't he just buy that excuse like anyone would have done? I didn't want him to figure it out because I knew he'd start asking questions then and _that_ I really didn't want to happen! How could I possibly tell him how I had known that name?

"I highly doubt you heard it anywhere else Jay… Must have been there!" I insisted.

"But I really think I've heard it before the party…" he mused.

I was about to push again when the security guard cleared his throat. I turned to look at him and saw that he was smiling pleasantly.

"May I inquire as to what is to be done with Miss Fitch then?" he asked obviously amused.

"Oh right! She's waiting!"

"Indeed"

"I'll follow you and meet her!" I said. "Jay, I'll show her around the studio. Can you find me if we have to start shooting?"

"Yes of course" JJ replied without really paying attention to me.

I was fairly certain he was still trying to figure out the mystery of Emily Fitch. I was praying like fuck he wouldn't get anywhere as I followed the security guard to the lobby of the building. I didn't dwell much on Jay though. With each step I was taking, I knew I was getting closer and closer to Emily and if that didn't send my heart into overdrive nothing did. I took a big breath and readied myself to greet Emily. Naturally a huge smile crept up on my face. How could it not? So yes maybe I was nothing more then a quivering mess of nerves and anxiety around the brunette and yes maybe being around her was hard when I couldn't kiss her lips or cuddle up to her, but seeing Emily Fitch was still the best goddamn thing in the world. And that alone deserved a smile.

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**I've b****een in school too long not to reference when I steal quotes from somewhere... SO you should know that JJ's talk about dimensions was shamelessly taken from wikipedia. You can find the links bellowwww! Sorry if anyone is a big quantum mechanics wizz and this didn't fit AT ALL. I don't understand much of that shit and I thought it sort of did... **

http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Multiverse # Cyclic _ theories

http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Many-worlds _ interpretation

**SOOOO Emily eh? In the studio eh? Naomily interactions next chapter? Well duh! :P I'm really curious to see just how many people are still reading this. So it'd be cool if for Christmas you could drop by a little review just to tell me "Hey, I exist and i'm reading this" :) Also if you have comments about the writing :P OH and since this was my first ever... well I wouldn't call it smut but I guess it was "smut-ish" bit, I'm quiteee nervous about it and would love to know what you thought :) Keep the love strong and merry Christmas again ;) Cheers!  
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**Miss xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: First off, thanks :) Like really loads of thank yous! So many great reviews for the last chapter! I'm happy that you guys all exist and are still reading this! To be honest I've been having a hard couple of weeks lately and as I've stated before, posting anything I write is a bit hard for me as I tend to think most of what I do is shit. So it really means a lot to me that you actually like this. Without all of your support I don't think I'd have it in me to continue this, let alone finish it! So, yeah, thanks :) **

**Anwww, I hope everyone had amazing holidays! As for my New year's resolution… I shall feature Emily Fitch more! Actually I'm totally cheating. It's not really a resolution, I've known all along she was gonna be a bit more present starting from now. Hope that's okay with you ;) **

**Can I be the queen of sap and dedicate this to my gf? Course I can! It's MY bloody A/N :D SO here, I dedicate this chapter to my gf :) Not because it's "special", but just because I love her and I want her to remember that she will forever be my muse! Babe, whenever I write of love, I write of you. I love you. Now, on with the actual chapter.**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 22

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Of course, the walk from my office to the main lobby was taking about three times as long as it usually did. I guess it wasn't really, but the nerves were making it look like it. I tried to focus on the sound of my steps on the hard concrete floor and the clinking of the guard's keys, but I could feel my whole body heating up regardless. The more I knew we were getting close, the more nervous I seemed to become. By the time we had only one corner left to turn, I was seriously considering stopping to catch my breath and slow my heart rate down.

"_Stop being such a pillock Naomi! It's just Emily! You can bloody talk to Emily!"_ I thought desperate to look as cool as ever. Not that I had any expectations to be able to achieve this goal.

When we finally turned that corner and stepped into the lobby, my senses were overwhelmed with loveliness. Pure, heart shattering loveliness. I nearly stopped dead in my tracks too as I set my sights on Emily. I had known her for about 14 years and she still took my breath away just like that first time I had seen her in that classroom all these years ago. I felt it all again, the slowing of time, the breath caught in my throat and the certainty I had just died and been sent to heaven because such a beautiful woman just _had _to be a bloody angel.

Of course grown up Emily was just beautiful in a way little Emily hadn't been. She still looked like a sort of angel mind you, but she didn't have the same innocent vibe to her. There seemed to be a knowing glint in her eyes and I wasn't sure if it was from the dim light of the lobby or if it was because she knew exactly the effect she had on me. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know or not. I couldn't believe she might not though. It felt like my eyes were actually screaming: Hi! I'm Naomi Campbell and I'm incredibly pathetically in love with you.

She gave me a slight smirk as she saw me approaching and I felt a shudder run behind my neck. One smile and one look from Emily always had been all I needed to come undone.

I took the time to take in her outfit and I gulped slowly. Fucking hell! The brunette was wearing a grey blue satin tunic that stopped a few inches after her perfectly round bum and around her neck was a grey satin scarf tied into a bow. She was wearing some grey tights and sparkly light pink ballerina shoes that really helped making her legs look like they were going on forever. Around her right forearm, she had a nice gold bangle and she had light grey pearl earrings. Her hair had been left loose but her fringe was tied in a little quiff that made it possible for me to see her sparkling chocolate eyes. From the way the satin fell on her body, I was able to distinguish every little curve that constituted Emily Fitch. Of course I knew them by heart by now, but no matter how many times I had ran my fingers along them, it didn't matter, I still loved each one. How could I not? They were bloody amazing and addictive. I felt my heart rate pick up the pace at the thoughts of Emily's body and gulped again.

"_Must not think of naked Emily, must not think of naked Emily"_ I chanted mentally.

But of course, the more I chanted the more I did think about it. I had slowed down my walk and was trying very hard not to show how blatantly I was eye fucking the petite girl. Problem was I really _was_ blatantly eye fucking her. The second I had laid my eyes on her, I had wanted to just grab her by the hips, crash my lips with hers and push her up against the nearest solid surface. I was dying to know how the soft fabric of her tunic would feel under my fingertips. I would also have loved to see what she'd have looked like with her lips a bit fuller, a bit redder after an intense snogging. From me preferably. I was convinced it would make her look even more stunning.

But obviously I couldn't greet her like that so I plastered a smile on my face and walked the last few paces until I was standing right in front of her. When we were only a foot apart, I was engulfed in the enticing smell of her perfume and had to repress the urge to close my eyes and take a huge whiff since that would have probably been considered to be a bit creepy. I actually had to mentally fight that being creepy was definitely _not _okay even if it allowed me to smell Emily's perfume. Instead of surrendering to my desire though, I stared right into her eyes. My brain was still going over various scenarios of different greetings that included more physical contact and I felt my eyes flick on their own accord towards Emily's lips. As I saw her pink tongue moisten them I flicked my eyes back up immediately.

"_Oh god oh god oh god bad Naomi bad Naomi! Must not go there!"_ I thought desperately.

In retrospect I wasn't sure if I was ready to be so close to her. She really meant everything to me and her mere presence not only made me feel completely and utterly happy, but it turned me on as fuck. She was the only woman (or person really) to date that had the ability to turn me into a horny teenage boy and a gooey mess simultaneously.

"Hi" she greeted in her impossibly husky voice and I felt my legs shake a little.

"Hi" I replied in a surprisingly low voice. "Fancy seeing you here" I teased.

Emily grinned at me and my heart swooned. I literally had to use every ounce of will power I possessed in me not to jump Emily as we stood in silence staring at each other. I swear the brunette's eyes had turned a shade darker as we did. Or maybe it was the wishful thinking again.

"I was starting to think you had changed your mind" I said in a soft voice just slightly above a whisper.

We were so close anyway that she would have heard me even if I had indeed whispered. Emily blinked slowly for a moment looking a bit lost.

"I _did_ warn you Miss Campbell that you were stuck with me" She said just as softly after a while.

"That's fine with me…" I trailed off shooting another glance to her lips. I swear I have no control over my body.

We were still just about a foot apart and I wasn't sure what exactly was happening. I saw Emily shoot a look at my lips and I moisten them. I think I heard the brunette inhale a bit more sharply then. I was completely lost in the moment when a big banging noise completely brought me out of it.

BANG

Emily and I shot apart instantly looking around at the source of the noise. The security guard was looking at us sheepishly while picking up a large book that had fallen on the ground.

"Sorry"

We both stared at him for a few seconds before turning back towards each other. Emily's face was bright red and she was biting her lower lip furiously. I would have given anything to be able to reach out and tuck it out of there for her. Probably sensing I was looking at her, Emily turned around and gave me a nervous smile. I gave her an equally nervous one in return before she said:

"So? What about that tour then?"

I smiled a bit more genuinely before nodding my head towards the hallway I had come through.

"If you'll follow me Miss Fitch" I said and she silently obliged.

We started walking in the complex taking our time. To be honest, I was just enjoying her company and felt absolutely no rush to hurry. It felt so natural just being with Emily, like I really was better when I was. It also felt like nothing else would ever compare than just being around the petite girl. We didn't need words, we didn't need anything really to just be at ease. Even in this fucked up reality, I could tell it was easy. Okay so yes there was a lot of nervousness and yes it wasn't what you'd qualify as a romantic stroll in the slightest, but it was nice nonetheless. At least she didn't seem as hostile as she had at the party.

"I hope I'm not dropping by at the wrong time" Emily said after a moment.

"No not at all! I was quite bored out of my mind actually. So your timing is impressively perfect"

"Oh? How so?"

"We're supposed to be filming today, but the guest star hasn't showed up yet"

"Really? That's kind of rude isn't it?"

"It is. See, _I'm_ ever so charming. It's the guest stars that are the real pain here" I said.

"We'll see about that Campbell" Emily said with a smirk. "What did you do with the public?" she then asked sincerely concerned.

I smiled at how cute she was being. There really was only Emily Fitch to be worried about a bunch of strangers.

"We always have an entertainer on the show. Usually he distracts them when we have technicalities to sort out and to record some nice laughs. He's entertaining them as we speak. Hopefully he won't run out of stock before the guest star finally shows up or before Paul decides to call the whole thing off"

"At least they're not waiting with nothing to do" she said nodding to herself.

I grinned at her and Emily cocked me an eyebrow.

"What?" she asked.

"It's nothing" I said.

"No it isn't! What were you thinking?" she pushed.

"It's just kind of adorable… that you care for these people you've never met" I relented shrugging.

Emily blushed furiously, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Oh… hum… thanks I guess… Jim always finds it a bit silly of me" she admitted sheepishly.

"I definitely meant it as a compliment" I assured the brunette.

"Well… thanks then" she said in a small shy voice.

"You're very welcome" I replied winking at the already bright red petite girl.

I had to admit I was enjoying winding her up like that. I ginned even more at her obvious shyness and when I saw her self-consciously shift in her step I burst out laughing. She really was the most adorable human being on earth. And I loved every little adorable inch of her. As I stopped walking to laugh, Emily stared at me embarrassed for a few seconds. I laughed even more and when I locked my amused gaze with hers, the girl cracked a smile and started laughing along. She stepped closer and shoved me playfully in the ribs.

"Oh fuck off!" she said teasingly.

When our laughter died down, I continued walking and Ems followed.

"You know you aren't doing a really good job at proving me that you're nice!" Emily said with a little smirk.

I placed a hand on my chest and gasped.

"But I'm being ever so cordial, aren't I"

"So it's just natural for you to laugh at people like that is it?"

"If I recall properly, you were laughing too"

"Ever heard of uncomfortable laughter?"

"Not sure, but please, do enlighten me"

"Well obviously it's when someone makes you so uncomfortable by their behaviour or manners that you find nothing else to do but laugh. It isn't genuine" she said smartly with a grin.

"And obviously, this is the kind of laughter you just bestowed me, yeah?"

"_Obviously_" Emily finished.

I was so relieved that her tone of voice was casual, playful even. She wasn't really mad at me and she hadn't meant the comment about the laughter. She was just bantering with me and I have to admit that it was nice. There weren't words strong enough to describe just how happy I was. But if you'd have taken a picture of my face at that exact moment, I guarantee you'd have seen eyes full of star, a stupidly soppy grin and an air of being completely lost in cotton candy. I felt like I was high. High on my love for Emily Fitch as sappy as that may sound. Fuck me! Emily really had the knack of getting my soft side out.

We walked in silence as I showed her various rooms of the studio. I couldn't stop smiling, so much so that my jaw was aching. But it was a good ache. Pretty similar to the crushing abdominal pain you get from laughing too much for too long. It hurts, but it feels so good at the same time. Being with Emily was like that and not just because of the smiling mind you. Being around her was like that. I was filling up on the happiness and giddiness, tossing away all my dark thoughts and sad ideas. All the lovely self-righteous plans of sacrifice vanishing under the undeniable influence of Emily. And the thing was, she was smiling too and she was laughing too. As I'd stop randomly from time to time to point her something or tell her a story, she'd listen attentively, a soft smile always curling her lips, her eyes twinkling. She kept her distances, always a few paces away, a respectable distance, but sometimes, she'd let herself get closer. And when she did, our hands or arms would brush against each other, sending my heart racing and my skin tingling. I didn't know if she could feel this electricity between us, but if she didn't she sure seemed to, at least, be enjoying my company.

She wasn't frowning and scowling at me anymore and just that felt like an achievement. I didn't even feel like I had had to try that hard. It was a nice thing too. It was nice to see that no matter the reality, Emily couldn't hate me, not really.

"So little Fitch? Where's the anger gone? I thought you were supposed to hate me" I told her with a smirk.

"Would you rather I be mean?" she shot back with her own grin.

"Would be a bit less disconcerting! I mean you got me used to so much scowling I'm not sure I can handle those beautiful smiles"

Emily blushed at my words and I only realized then what I had said. I hadn't meant to let the "beautiful" slide just like that, as if it was nothing. Damn mouth in the company of Emily! I was _such_ a wanker! Couldn't even control my bloody words. I felt my own cheeks flush.

"I'll try not to smile too brightly then. Wouldn't want to disturb you now would we?" Emily teased.

Little minx! She had obviously seen my blush and that had given her an edge of confidence. I blushed even worse as Emily just carried on walking, leaving me behind. I stared at her form and smiled. It was good to see the little fire in my Emily. She seemed to be so… _tame_ in this reality so unlike the forceful woman I had known. I mean let's face it, Emily Fitch was a force of nature, full of will and wit and charm and nothing could really stop her. I loved and admired her for it. But here… Here she felt so subdued so shy. She reminded me of the Emily Fitch I had known in that first year of College. Always hiding behind Katie because she was too scared of showing her true self. She seemed to _still _be in her sister's shadow here even if College was well passed. And to be honest, I didn't know much of her relationship with _Jim_ but it didn't seem that much better. Just from the way she had cuddle into him and he had placed his arm around her shoulders… It was so _patronizing_… Well maybe it hadn't been _that_ bad and I was a bit overreacting (what? I'm allowed! You should never see the woman you love married to someone else), but it didn't feel normal to me either.

I was clearly lost in my thoughts and had caught up with Emily by then when she turned to face me.

"You're awfully quiet… Was I out of line?" she asked with a worried expression.

"No! Of course not! Sorry… I was just… lost in thoughts you know?"

"Care to share?" the brunette asked hopeful.

"It was nothing important" I brushed off with a smile.

Emily nodded slowly, obviously still curious, but she didn't push the matter further. I led Emily to the main studio where we were supposed to be recording later and the second we had stepped in the room, someone from the audience spotted me and started yelling. The whole audience turned around and started screaming and waving in my direction. The poor entertainer was left completely ignored in what seemed to be the middle of a story. I chanced a look to Emily and noticed with a laugh that she was bright red from all the attention. Actually, she was half trying to hide behind me. I took a step to the side to reveal her completely and she looked up at me scowling.

"Ah there it is! The infamous scowl! I knew you still had it in you!" I said sarcastically.

A smirk crept on the younger twin's face and I knew then I had made her slightly more comfortable. My 'fans" (still hadn't gotten used to having fans to be honest) were still yelling and asking me to come over and I quickly glanced back at them before giving Em an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I'm just…" I said pointing at the crowd. "I mean I hope you don't mind, but they've been waiting a while and now that I'm here I guess I should at least go and say hi"

"Yeah sure! Of course! Go right ahead" Ems said with warmth.

I walked to the audience and greeted them with the biggest smile I could. They shouted even more, some were taking pictures, some were yelling marriage proposals, some of them were even crying. Jesus! This fame thing was really rather weird! Emily had walked closer, but she still stood at a little distance. I took the time to talk to a few people, I shook a lot of hands, took a few pictures and signed a loads of things. I was trying to be as nice as possible even when some people wouldn't let go of my hand after shaking it. As weird as it was for me, I felt like I owed them something. I owed them to be nice and patient because these people were showing me an amount of love I never thought I'd deserve in my life. I had never considered myself particularly talented at anything. I mean, yes I was pretty good in school and pretty smart, but I wasn't an artist or anything. I never had been really good at sports either. I didn't have special skills that would grant me such admiration from the general public. But here I was faced with people that _did_ think I had something special and that _did _look up to me. It felt nice. Not in the way that I now thought I was above everyone else, but more in the way that this was a little boost of confidence. I had always known I was worth something, but I never had that much of a big esteem, as much as I portrayed quite the opposite. So this… it was nice.

I don't know how long I stayed with them, but eventually, I excused myself and went back to meet Emily.

"I'm sorry! Hope you weren't too bored!" I said the second I was at her level.

Emily just shook her head. She was looking at me with a soft expression and glinting eyes.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I didn't know you spent so much time with the audience" she said.

"I try!" I replied with a shrug.

"It's nice of you"

I smiled brightly at her words.

"You're nice… Much nicer then I thought you'd be" the petite admitted.

"I try with that too, I'm not always that nice I'm afraid" I joked and Emily laughed.

"You don't seem to be trying that hard…" Emily said her eyes full of tenderness.

My heart was beating fast. I was struggling not to just hug or kiss the life out of Emily. Her words felt like heaven. I was so elated, so complete. I think I had forgotten just how happy she made me, how much of a better person I was around her. And I was a better person, I really was. I knew Emily had cared about my audience getting bored and I must admit that it had pushed me to be extra nice to them. She always had this positive effect on my behaviour. Course I was still a right cow sometimes, but she had truly transformed my extreme bitchyness into a mild harmless one. I wanted to tell her then, tell her that it was because of her, tell her that if I didn't seem like I was trying too hard it was because I had met her and she had changed me. I wanted to admit that I probably _had _been every inch of the icy bitch she had thought I was, but this was a different me. A me that had met her and had just been blown away. I wanted to tell her that meeting her had made me something else, someone else.

Also, I was feeling like she'd have liked to know. Like this Emily from this reality didn't even realize the effect she had on me. And not just me mind you, the effect she had on everyone. Ems had always been the kid's favourite teacher and no matter how much I teased her that it was because of her looks (which obviously didn't hurt either), it was more than that. She was just a positive influence, like I had said a force of nature.

Emily was still looking at me smiling softly and I swear I had never laid eyes on anything so effortlessly beautiful. This really was some kind of torture though. I mean we were having a moment and I couldn't even complete it with a kiss! Yes, a moment! And this was not wishful thinking! Right? For a second I pondered on what would happen if I _did_ kissed her, if I let myself just do what my body and heart was longing to. I had flashes of fireworks and cries of joy. I had flashes of sunsets, sunrises, pretty butterflies and singing birds. I had flashes of violins, roses, paint fights and puppies. To be honest, I had flashes of everything that's supposed to be nice, happy and romantic.

And then the other flashes came to me. Flashes of fights, tears, car accidents and weddings that didn't include me. Flashes of Emily's words…

_"If that's what you really think Naomi, then I think you should go"_

_"I can't fucking trust you okay? I just can't" _

"_You and I… we just don't fit in each other's world. We never really did"_

_"I don't love you"_

I clenched my teeth as I remembered and furrowed my eyebrows. Emily gave me a worried glance.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing" I said plastering a fake smile on my face.

The petite didn't seem to believe me, but, again, she didn't push. It was a bit weird to me to see her not pushing. If anyone had pushed me in my life it was her! Even more than my mom ever had and that was saying something. This Emily was different and I had to believe she was happy, that this was for the best…

"Alright, ready to visit the rest of the set?" I asked changing the subject.

Emily nodded slowly but followed me nonetheless. We chatted with the crew while I showed her around. We talked a fair bit about the next documentary I was going to present. Some movie called "Gasland" that had been made in 2011, but was still rather contemporary. I was amazed and I have to admit a bit turned on by how knowledgeable Emily was about environmental issues. The more we talked, the more I was feeling like I was seeing my Emily. She seemed to relax with every minute and gain some confidence. Maybe 20 minutes after first coming on set, she was explaining me some concept she had read about excitedly. She was so passionate that her cheeks were flushed and she was making bold gestures with her arms and hands. I was beaming at the sigh. I had always thought that a passionate Emily was an object of pure magnificence. I couldn't help grinning madly. Of course, it took only a few seconds to the brunette to notice.

"What are you smirking about Campbell?" she asked eyebrow cocked.

"Just wondering when you're gonna admit you've come to the conclusion that I'm a superb human being and my presence really is a blessed gift" I replied with a cocky expression.

Emily burst out laughing the second my words were out.

"Aren't you so humble eh?" she said shaking her head slightly.

"Babes when you've got the goods, no need to be shy about it"

Ems chuckled again.

"But seriously Ems" I said the nickname rolling out of my mouth before my brain had time to grasp it.

I saw a flash of something hard to define in the brunette's eyes as she too caught on to my nickname. She didn't add anything and kept smiling so I guess it was a good sign.

"Are you enjoying yourself today?" I finished.

The younger twin waited a few seconds before answering. I could tell she was scanning my face. I didn't know what she was looking for, but I just stared back, unmoving. Anyway, it's not like looking at Emily was something I could ever get tired of.

"I am" she finally replied and I smiled widely in response. "But don't get too happy or sloppy. You have yet to prove me you're not a complete cow when it comes to your guests!"

I was about to reply something when the door of the studio burst open and in walked a few people. Among them I quickly spotted JJ and Paul and some tall girl with long blonde hair and huge sunglasses that made her look like a rather ugly fly. From the way she entered the room, you'd have thought she owned the place.

"Is that… Kitty Brucknell?" Emily asked curiously next to me.

"Huh? Oh yes. I think that's her name yes"

"So _she's_ today's guest?"

"Yep and it looks like she finally decided to grant us with her presence" I said my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"How nice of her" Emily replied her voice equally as sarcastic.

I chuckled and two seconds later, we were joined by Paul, JJ, Brucknell and some lanky, obnoxious looking guy that had to be her manager or something.

"Naomi!" Paul said gesturing in my direction.

He then noticed Emily next to me and after frowning at her presence, quickly rearranged his features and greeted her warmly.

"Emily! How splendid to see you!"

"Hi Paul" Emily said with a polite smile.

"What in the _devil_ are you doing here?"

"Naomi invited me, I'm visiting"

"Really? Well that's impressive! Naomi usually _hates_ having people at work other then the crew. She says it throws her off her game, whatever that is!" He said with a laugh.

"Yeah?" Emily said eyeing me.

I shrugged since I couldn't do much else. This was as much new information to me as it was to her.

"Hum hum" Said Brucknell loudly pretending to clear her throat.

Everyone turned around at this, even JJ and the manager who had stayed quiet thus far. Emily and I were both sporting slightly disgusted look, but Paul had instantly plastered a fake smile on his face.

"Naomi, I'd like you to meet Kitty!" he said in an over excited tone.

I extended my hand to the blonde woman to be polite, but I didn't fancy much being nice to her. After all she _had_ made us all wait for hours.

"So nice of you to finally join us" I muttered under my breath.

Unfortunately, Paul heard my comment and gave me a stern look. I made a big show of rolling my eyes at him and heard Emily snigger next to me. I couldn't help shooting her a look and winking in her direction.

"Sorry for the delay" Brucknell said looking anything but sorry. "Traffic you know, it's mental innit?" She finished waving her hand dismissively.

"Is it?" Emily said under her breath.

Knowing the petite so well I knew she wasn't really asking, but just making fun of Brucknell's ridiculous excuse. I don't think Emily had meant the other woman to hear her, but unfortunately for her, she had.

"Uh, excuse me? Who are _you_?" she said with pure disdain on her face.

I felt my face heat up on its own accord. How dare she look at Ems like that?

"Hum…" Emily trailed off.

"Nevermind!" Brucknell cut her off. "Anyway, I'm here now and like, I haven't got all day so can we start ya?"

We all stared at her in surprise. Even Paul didn't find it in him to give her a suck up smile. Was that girl for real? Emily was actually completely dumbfounded next to me and I couldn't really blame her.

"Well?" Brucknell insisted when she saw no one was moving.

That automatically sent Paul into gear as he strolled away preparing everything. Some guy then came our way and guided the "diva" to get her through make up.

"Well _that_ was a cunt" I said looking at the blonde's retreating form.

"I wish I could argue with you…" Emily said.

JJ smiled to us before adding.

"Actually Naomi, you have to go through make up as well…"

"Oh right" I said chancing a look at Emily.

"I can go" she said quickly. "I don't want to be a bother…"

"No!" I exclaimed.

I really really didn't want her to go. I was a bit scared she'd be bored if she stayed, but the thought of her leaving was breaking my heart. Truth is, I didn't want her to go at least until we had arranged to perhaps see each other again.

"Jay, can you find Ems a spot in the audience? I mean unless you'd rather go…" I trailed off.

"I don't mind staying if it's not too much of a bother" Emily replied.

"Good, so, Jay? What do you reckon?"

"Shouldn't be too much of a problem" the boy replied.

He then extended his hand to the petite girl.

"I'm Jonah Jeremiah Jones, Naomi's personal assistant and friend. I don't think we had a chance to converse at your sister's fundraiser" he said.

Emily shook his hand politely.

"I'm Emily Fitch-Hollingberry, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance"

JJ gave her a dashing smile and blushed a little as they shook hands. I felt a small ripple of old jealousy build in my chest. Of course JJ had always thought Emily was attractive. How could he not? I had to remind myself though that he had a girlfriend and if anyone was as far away from the cheating type as possible, it certainly was JJ. Emily replied to the boy's smile with a warm one and I could tell she already liked him. Again, this wasn't much of a surprise as she had always gotten along quite well with the boy. In fact, she was definitely much closer to him than me in my own reality.

Anyway, as I was led to a make-up chair, JJ led my petite brunette to a spot in the crowd and seated her. I couldn't move much as my face was being attacked by several brushes at once, but when it was finally done, I looked back and noticed JJ was still sitting with Emily, talking animatedly. The younger twin was laughing and looked to be rather enjoying herself. I took a moment to just look at her soft features as she listened to something JJ was saying and I felt my heart swell when another ripple of laughter broke through her and she threw her head back to let it out. She had placed a hand on Jay's shoulder and the boy was beetroot red. I chuckled at his shyness and at Emily's sweetness. I wish I could have just gone over to them and join in on the conversation, but I was soon joined by Paul who pushed me quickly on set where I was met by a team of technicians.

A few minutes later, the entertainer had asked the audience to remain silent, Jay had moved from his spot in the audience to sit next to Paul and I was being signalled to begin. We filmed the intro of the show quickly without too much trouble. Turns out Kitty Brucknell had quite a lot of TV experience and knew how to follow her cues. When we were filming, she wasn't half as bad as she had been earlier and she was actually a bit knowledgeable about the environment. Of course, she was no match for me and I did succeed to make her fumble her words a few times. The real pain though was when we'd take breaks in between shots. Brucknell was an insufferable brat that kept whining and complaining about every little thing. Five times during a take she made us stop and start over because she needed to drink water (which she had first had a fit about because it wasn't "Fiji" water). At other times she'd just blatantly yawn during takes or sneer at the audience and of course we had to shoot again the whole segment.

After a few painful hours, the shooting was finally done and I was allowed to retire to my office. I had waited a few minutes outside as JJ was getting Emily from the audience. When they both arrived, Jay was called back by someone from the crew and left promptly.

"So? Not too tired?" I asked Emily as we slowly made our way to my office.

She shook her head and gave me a smile.

"Not too bad! You were great out there" she said.

"Thanks" I replied my cheeks blushing furiously.

"You really know so much about the environment… It's impressive"

I felt myself flush even worse and Emily chuckled. I stayed silent because I knew there was no way something smart would come out of my mouth at that point.

"Are your guests always that bad?" Emily inquired.

"No not always, but most of them are"

"Jesus! No wonder you take so much pleasure in taking the piss out of them on set! It looked like fun." she scoffed.

"What was that?" I said a smirk forming on my lips. "What did you just say?"

"I said; no wonder you take so much pleasure in taking the piss out of them on set, it looked like fun" Emily repeated slowly eyeing me curiously in the process.

"That's what I thought… So goody goody Emily didn't think I was too much of a bully then?" I asked my smirk growing.

This time, it was Ems' turn to blush.

"I _may_ understand where the humiliation is coming from… Although I still think you went quite far with the whole "making a show out of it" thing" she replied smartly.

"Is that so?"

"Yep"

"And who are you?" I asked her.

Emily cocked her eyebrow clearly not following me. When she went to reply I quickly cut her off.

"Nevermind!" I said waving a hand in her face.

"Bitch!" the petite exclaimed promptly hitting my shoulder.

I burst out laughing and Emily joined in.

"Okay so _maybe_ that Brucknell lass deserved it. But they can't _all_ be awful like that can they?" she said.

"Bet you they can. There are an awful lot of people who just love themselves loads and pretend to be perfect" I replied with a shrug.

"_That_ I know… Believe me" Emily said with a sad smile. "I'm sure you thought my mom and Katie were perfectly nice when you met them, since they were both pretty much worshipping the ground under your feet, but they can be rightful cunts the both of them"

I stopped as we arrived in front of my office door and gave her an understanding smile. It was true that both Jenna and Katie had been nothing but nice to me in this reality, but since I wasn't from this said reality, I _very_ much knew how fierce with their dislikes they could both be. I knew intimately actually.

"I'm sure it must not always be easy" I whispered to the petite girl who had seemed to recoil into herself as the topic of her family was brought.

She gave me half a smile and I knew her enough to know she wanted to change the subject then. I could only oblige.

"Besides, I like it better when people give me a bit of a challenge, you know like self-righteous grumpy girls for example" I said with a wink.

Emily gasped in fake outrage and I avoided another playful slap by opening my office door and walking inside. I was chuckling to myself and Emily quickly followed.

"You know you're being awfully cheeky! I'm beginning to think I was right about you being a bitch all along. I'm just on your good side now"

"Bit presumptuous there Ems, what makes you think you're on my good side at all?" I teased.

"Well… maybe the fact you've invited me here when Paul said you never do that and also the fact you've been laughing and smiling all day when JJ mentioned you being a bit of a broody git usually" She replied smartly.

"What!" I exclaimed in surprise. "JJ said that?"

Emily was smirking proudly at my surprise but a few seconds later, she had rearranged her features into a warm smile.

"He said other things too" she said.

"Is it normal that I'm now dreading to know what he said?"

Emily chuckled and shook her head.

"Don't worry, it was all nice"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. He really loves you a lot and holds you in very high esteem"

I felt my face lit up with a smile automatically. Never would have I thought that hearing that JJ liked me and thought highly of me would make me so happy. It was rather weird how the guy had quickly grown on me. I mean I had always considered him to be this awkward and shy boy with whom I had nothing in common, but here I was, sort of forced to see that it wasn't so. To be honest, the guy still got on my nerves once in a while, but we had a lot more in common than I first thought and most of the time, he was sweet really.

When she had seen me smile goofily, Emily had just smiled along knowingly.

"You really care about him" She said softly.

I loved that she wasn't asking. She didn't need to, my expression had made it pretty obvious. I nodded, blushing a bit.

"I think it's nice. You're nice. I would have never imagined you to be close friends with a man like JJ" Emily admitted.

"Me neither to be honest" I said with a smile.

"Oh? How so?"

"JJ and I are very different. For the longest time I didn't consider him much. I mean he's a sweet person all over whereas I…" I trailed off.

"Hide behind harsh words and a strong persona?" the petite completed for me.

The thought of lying then and telling her she was wrong occurred to me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was a bit stunned of what she had just said actually. Wasn't this Emily supposed to not know who I was? Why then could she peg me out so easily?

"_Because she's still Emily"_ a voice said in my head.

I could only agree.

"If you promise not to brag, can I tell you something?" the petite said looking at me intently.

I gulped and nodded slowly.

"Yes" I said staring back just as hard.

Emily chewed on her bottom lip for a second before inhaling deeply. I could see her eyes changing with the lighting of the room. She was so completely gorgeous it was kind of incredible. Her eyes were of a lighter brown than usual. A brown that was just as soft and calm as she seemed to be. The outline was even bordering on a warm bronze color that made her entire orb shine.

"I think you're actually much nicer than I ever expected you to be"

"Yeah?"

"Yes… It's in the way you smile… It's in your eyes too" Emily said in a mutter.

"How so?"

Emily walked up right in front of me and reached a hand tentatively. I was sure for a second that she'd just withdrew it, but she took another big breath and brought her fingers against my cheek. I felt my body shiver at her touch and my breath hitch. I wish I could have controlled it, but that was way out of my capacities. I was afraid this physical reaction would scare Emily and she would take her hand away, but she didn't. She left her hand in place, her eyes still boring holes into my very soul. She brushed her thumb lightly against my skin and it felt like it was burning. Why did it always feel like burning when Emily touched me? Why was it always such an incomparable experience?

"You try to hide your heart with your scowls and your air of grandeur, but your eyes can always reveal if you're lying or not" she whispered her voice infinitely husky.

"What about my smile then?" I asked her just as low.

"If you were a real cunt you just couldn't smile like that"

Of course, the second she had said it, I felt my lips curl upwards.

"See? That's genuine. When you smile, you seem to always be genuine. Like the thought of smiling and not meaning it is horrible to you"

"Is that a good thing?" I asked.

"It's a very good thing" the brunette said, her thumb continuing its movement on my cheek.

I didn't have the words to speak after that. This seemed like the best moment I had had since coming to this dimension. I could feel the warmth of Emily's body because she was so close to my own now. Her bright eyes had turned a bit darker as she kept her hand on my skin. Ems moved a little and a lock of hair fell in front of her eyes. Instinctively, I reached out and plucked it back behind her ear. Emily smiled at me and seemed to turn her head slightly closer to my palm, closing her eyes at the same time as I let my fingers brush a second longer than necessary in her hair. She was so beautiful and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her tenderly. I didn't want to jump or attack her passionately. I just wanted to softly run my lips on hers. To shout every ounce of love I had right into her by our connecting lips. Somehow, I sort of felt like she would let me if I did. The thought was a bit insane though since I was supposed to be close to a complete stranger to her. Surely even the fact that we were so close now was a bit much. But then again it was Emily who had started the whole proximity thing. I was just complying. With joy and happiness and excitement… And loads of mental image she was better off without knowing. God I loved her. I wanted to tell her just how beautiful I thought she was and just how much she meant to me. Surely saying things like that was a bit less blunt than kissing her? Surely my near-stranger status could at least allow me that?

"Ems…" I said softly and she snapped her eyes open to meet mine.

Gone was the lightness and in its place was a much darker chocolate brown. Emily moved her head imperceptibly and I knew she had just asked me to continue without uttering a single word.

"Emily I…" I started but never got to the end of my sentence.

We heard JJ yell from the hallway and although both our heads shot to the door, we didn't think to move away from each other.

"I don't think it's a good Idea. Wait!"

The next second, the door had spread wide open and I felt my eyes widened in shock.

"Naomio my lezzer lass! Missed me?" the booming masculine voice shot out.

I stared at him because I couldn't believe he really was there. He had navy work pants along with a pair of unlaced beige steel toe boots and an old kaki jacket on top of a very dirty white polo. I noted how the three buttons of his polo were fastened to the top. If I had had any doubt of who this man was, this sole fact would have brushed those doubts away. I felt my surprise give way to a smile. A 1000 watts smile.

"Cook" I muttered my eyes twinkling in happiness.

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**So this is not a mistake. That's really where it ends. Hopefully you'll be just as glad as I am for Cook to be back :D I like JJ alright, but he's no Cook! Oh yeah, little nod to Luvactually's wonderful Coin Laundry in there for those who might have spotted it. Again, thanks for all the support :) Also, it seems like Cook has been inspiring me to write more. So if you,re nice enough and reviews loads, I promise to update quicker :D Have a lovely weekend! xx**

**Miss.**


	23. Chapter 23

**D/N: So a quick(er) update eh? This chapter is actually a bit smaller than what I got you guys used to for the past few chapters. I would have loved to make it a bit bigger, but it wouldn't have fitted as nicely. So this is that and the next chapter might be bigger. I actually have to see, I'm quite a good way into it and I'm not sure whether I'll put everything I thought in it or cut it in half. Not that it matters much to you. I'm just rambling!**

**So once again, thanks for all the support and reviews! They mean the WORLD. The world. And also I have to mention I've sort of discovered Tumblr. And deary me there are mentions of this fic on Tumblr? I have absolutely no internet knowledge (I am a true tech knob) but if I could I'd join that thing just to thank everyone on there for the lovely mention! :) **

**I'm gonna try to keep the writing going but I fear I may slow down at some point. You see I'm going back to school in 2 weeks (how wonderful...) so I dunno how I'll deal with that. Probably won't affect this that much tbh. **

**I totally dedicate this to everyone who reviews this story on a regular basis (or not). You guys make me believe in something I never thought I,d believe in (the fact that I may have some kind of talent, although I probably wont ever admit I have such a thing). But yeah, when I read your comments, for a second, I believe :D MUCH of love. MUCH. xx**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 23

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The second his name was out of my lips, Cook gave me his trademark Cheshire cat grin and spread his arms wide. I felt my feet move on their own and, the next second, I had jumped in his embrace and was hugging the life out of him. I buried my face into his neck as he pulled me tighter into him. It felt strong, it felt overbearing, it felt like my best mate and God did this feel good! After a few seconds, he loosened his grip so I was able to pull away a little. I stayed close though and quickly cupped his face in both my hands. His cheeks felt rough under my fingers and I could tell he hadn't shaved in a few days. His hair was also a bit longer than I remembered, his fringe sloppily falling in front of his eyes now. His eyes were still the same brilliant blue, but the bags under them showed just how much the last few years probably hadn't been a walk in the park for him. It broke my heart a little. No matter what had happened to him, it couldn't be anything good if I knew my friend at all. I swear that boy had an uncanny ability to get himself into the biggest shit.

"Good to see you too Naomikins" Cook said cockily after a moment.

I smiled even more brightly and finally detached myself from the men. I saw JJ standing just behind us looking a bit sheepish. I turned my smile to him and saw him sigh in relief. For some reason it looked like he had been scared of my reaction to Cook's grand entrance. I couldn't have been happier to his sudden reappearance though and I was sure every single feature in my face was showing as much. I was glad Jay had brought him in.

"Still as fit as ever Blondie eh? You work out? It's been ages, what about you give old Cookie some lovin'?"

"Fuck off!" I said giggling.

"Ah you still way up there with your lezzer things yeah? Is that your bird then? Jay said something about you being married" Cook said suddenly gesturing to Emily.

In the moment of things I had actually been able to forget she was even there. When I turned around to face her, Emily had gone crimson and was avoiding my eyes like the plague.

"Hum…" I started saying to correct my friend, but he didn't wait before continuing.

"Right mint lass you got yourself Naomio! I'm real proud of ya. But then again you always had proper taste in women. Maybe we could share?"

"Fuck _off_" I repeated still smiling.

Wherever Cook had been, he certainly hadn't learned manners. Emily was completely red and looked pretty embarrassed, though. Right, this Emily didn't know Cook and certainly wasn't used to his antics.

"Aw, don't be a greedy fucker Naomio, where's the love?"

"Actually, she's not my wife, she's a friend" I finally managed to say.

"Yeah? Then maybe she's up for a willy waggle with the Cookie Monster eh?"

Emily's eyes widened as Cook took a few step towards her. I felt my blood boil a little and quickly grabbed the man's arm. Okay so maybe Emily wasn't actually mine in this dimension and I had no claim over her, but I just couldn't let Cook make a pass at her. I didn't think he had a shot with her regardless, but I didn't want to wait around and find out. There was no way on earth I'd let that happened!

"She's also my _married_ friend"

"So what? Insignificant details that innit?"

"Cook" I warned. "Don't start"

"Okay okay! Fuck me Blondie! What got you so uptight? Chill out babes"

I rolled my eyes at him before turning to Emily.

"Pardon his rude attitude, Cook's got the mental capacities of a 12 year old boy"

"Oi! Make that at least 15" my friend added with a smirk.

"Emily, meet James Cook, Cook, this is Emily"

"Nice to meet you" Ems said politely extending her hand.

"Pleasure's all mine" Cook replied grabbing the petite's hand and bringing it to his lips.

I felt myself frown in distaste and was slightly relieved when I saw Emily doing the same. Clearly Cook's "charms" weren't getting to her. An awkward silence followed after that, but was soon broken by Emily.

"I think I better go" she muttered.

She had glanced quickly at me as she said it, but she hadn't met my eyes. I felt my heart drop a little. As glad as I was to see my friend, I really didn't want Emily to leave. To be fair, I wanted to be around the petite girl all the time. And I kind of wanted her to meet Cook properly because I could tell at the moment she thought he was just a wanker. I didn't want her to think my friends were _just_ wankers. Fuck me I hated caring so much about what Emily thought of me and my friends. I mean I was just so used to my friends being hers as well…

"No please babes! Don't leave! I just got here! We're just getting to know each other" Cook said walking closer to the girl.

"I really should go though…" The petite said taking a step back.

"Well then you should come tonight!"

"Come where?" She asked.

"Well you can come wherever you want, but I'd quite enjoy it if it was on my face, yeah?"

Emily blushed furiously and I felt a surge of anger go through me. That was enough.

"Cook! Will you give it a fucking rest?"

"Aww don't take it like that Naomio, don't be jealous. Didn't know you had called dibs on the little lady there." he shot back teasing.

I felt my cheeks flush. Fucking hell! Did Cook really have to put me on the spot like that? Even if he probably wasn't aware that he accurately had.

"Shut up I haven't! I told you she's married"

"Unless she's married to you mate I don't care much" the man replied with a shrug.

"Just shove it, yeah?"

"Alright alright. You're no fun at all anymore though Nai. Anyway, what I meant was, you should come clubbing with us tonight" Cook finished directing his gaze to my petite beauty.

"With us?" I cut across before Emily had time to reply.

"Yeah! You, me and JJ! Pulling in the clubs for old time's sake!" Cook said proudly.

"Hum… I don't suppose you thought you should have asked us first?" said JJ from behind him.

"Sod it! S'up with you two? Growing up made you tighter than Gemma Turpin's pussy! Come on! It's been years! Surely this deserves some celebrating with your old mate?"

I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. Cook really had the knack of being as crude as possible. When I opened my eyes, Emily was staring at my friend with wide eyes and JJ was shaking his head slowly.

"Yeah? Would be fun innit? Come on you pussies, what do you say?"

I chanced a look at JJ and saw him shrug. As much as it probably was a bad idea, spending time with Cook (even if it was clubbing) was actually quite alluring. It would after all give me the opportunity to learn what had happened to him in this reality. And to be fair, I _did_ miss the guy tremendously. All crudeness and innuendos included. Cook was waiting for my answer his arms spread wide a hopeful smile on his lips. I smiled back, but rolled my eyes for good measures. What? I had to at least put up the front of being annoyed. Cook's ego didn't need to know how eager I actually was.

"I supposed we could, but no pulling" I specified.

"Yeah! That's the spirit! Alright so Blondie and GayJay are in, what about you puppet?" Exclaimed Cook as he once again turned to Emily.

"I really don't think I can… I have to get back to London" she muttered.

"Why? Just stay here, I'm sure Naomi here has enough room wherever she lives for both you and I"

I raised my eyebrow at the boy and he just gave me a little eyebrow wiggle.

"You wouldn't let an old mate sleep outside, would you?"

"I suppose I wouldn't" I conceded.

"Then that's settled!" He exclaimed clapping his hands together. "Emilio and I will crash at Naomi's after getting munted, unless I find some fit bird and follow her home"

I wasn't sure what I wanted Emily to reply to that. One the one hand I really wanted her to come and get to spend some time with her, but on the other, I wasn't sure that her sleeping at my place was a good idea. Jesus! Just the idea of Emily being so close to me in a place where there would be a bed… I gulped slowly as many images started flooding my brain. Oh _god_. I felt my cheeks flush when Emily finally replied.

"I still don't think I can come…" Emily said shyly.

"Aww please babes! I swear I'll show you a good time" Cook said getting his tongue out and flicking it at the brunette.

"I'm not sure my husband would approve…"

"Fuck him!"

Emily was pretty uncomfortable and I was about to step in when her phone rang. She seemed to jump out of her skin and quickly retrieved the phone from her purse. She looked really worried as she glanced at the screen, but then relaxed as she read the name. She flipped open the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Hey Katie" she said in a bored voice.

"Who's Katie?" Cook asked looking at me.

"Her twin sister" I replied without thinking.

Of course, I should have predicted his reaction. Cook's eyes seem to pop out of their orbits and he smiled just as if he had won the lottery. He walked over to Emily and before I had had time to react he was speaking again.

"Cook no!" I tried in vain to stop him.

"Puppet you didn't tell me you came in a package!" he said happily.

Emily looked at him with an air of half annoyment and half horror. Cook was just beaming back at her, his Cheshire cat grin as wide as ever. Wanker…

"It was no one Katie" she said to her phone.

Obviously Katie had heard Cook which I was sure had been the boy's intention all along.

"Of course not! I'm not a slag!" Emily said angrily.

I couldn't hear distinctively Katie's words, but I could tell she was speaking fast and loud.

"No Katie that would be you" Ems growled.

"Fuck off, I don't need to tell you anything!"

"What's it to you anyway?"

"Well you can shove it up your tits"

Katie seemed to get even angrier and I was able to distinguish a sentence this time.

"_Stop being such a secretive little cow! Where the fuck are you?"_

"Urgh… It's none of your business, but I'm in Bristol at Naomi's studio" Emily finally relented.

"Yes Naomi bloody Campbell! How many Naomis do we fucking know?"

Cook was giggling away as the redhead got all flustered again. Clearly he was enjoying the fact he had somehow inflamed the twin's conversation. By the look on his face though, I could tell he had something else on his mind. That could mean nothing good.

"What does it matter? We're hanging out"

"I never said _that_"

"No way, I was never quite that rude"

"Anyway, piss off now will you?"

"It was Naomi's friend Cook"

"For fuck's sake Katie is that all you think about?" the brunette exclaimed and that seemed to be Cook's cue for action.

In a simple motion, he stole Emily's phone right from her hand and placed it against his ear.

"Hello there gorgeous, James Cook speaking" the man said in a drawl. "As I've gathered you're Emily's twin? Surely such a beautiful little thing can't come in twos"

Whatever Katie replied, Cook chortled loudly.

"Well babes if you're the hotter twin we _must_ meet yeah? I can assure you I'm fit as fuck and I'm a great shag"

Both Emily and I rolled her eyes at that. There was no way on earth Katie was the hottest twin. Not to me anyway. Cook laughed some more.

"Fierce! I like that. Listen, I was _just_ inviting Emsy here for some clubbin' tonight. She's a bit reluctant, something about Bristol being far and her husband being a cunt. Think you could help her out? Of course, I'd absolutely _love_ for you to come as well. Could show me those mint tits you just mentioned and I could show you just how smoothly I move, if you get me"

Cook grinned contently for a few seconds.

"I can get the best stuff in town" he trailed off. "Genius! Well puppet I'll be counting down the minutes. Don't get too wet thinking about me love"

Cook laughed loudly again and handed Emily her phone back. He looked back at me with a proud expression. I shook my head. Yep, Cook really hadn't changed one bit. I must admit I was a bit curious to see if he'd have his more serious moments here just like he had had back home. I guess I'd have to wait and see. A few seconds later, Emily was hanging up her phone.

"So?" Cook asker her. "We'll see you later love?"

"I'll have to check with Jim" Emily said giving the man an evil glare. "Anyway" she continued her expression softening as she turned to me. "I really have to go now"

I nodded slowly before offering to walk her to the lobby. She accepted and walked out the door after giving JJ a kind smile and a swift hug. The poor guy was crimson all over to have been in such a close contact with Emily. Before following her, I turned around and pointed a finger at Cook.

"You fucking wait for me here, yeah?"

"Course Blondie! Now go escort lovely Emilio. Give her a good snogging for me will ya?"

I flipped him off and walked out of my office as Cook threw his head back and laughed. Emily was waiting for me not too far away. We walked silently to the lobby looking at everything but each other. I could tell the petite was a bit tense. I felt like cursing Cook then for being his usual arse and intimidating Ems. When we finally reached the front door, the brunette turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry for Cook…" I muttered. "He can be a real cunt and he's got absolutely no tact, but he's actually a sweetheart"

"I find that a bit hard to believe…"

"I know… He's… particular when you don't know him"

"How do you and JJ know him anyway?"

"We were all in College together"

"Oh okay… Well… I guess he can't be all bad if he's friends with JJ… and you" Emily finished with a shy smile.

I felt my lips curl up. How could they not? That was the direct effect of Emily Fitch's smile.

"So… are you going to come tonight then?" I tried to ask casually.

"I dunno… I've got to talk to Jim… He doesn't like it much when I go out… Especially without him"

"Right… Well… It should be fun. I mean, as much of a wanker as Cook is, he really knows how to party"

"I'm sure he does. Katie sounded really eager to come"

"Yeah? Good…"

"Anyway, I've got to go. Thanks for today. I really had a lot of fun" Emily said sincerely.

"Me too. You were great. Hum I mean it was great, it was great to be with you, in your company. I mean, it was fun, you're fun" I stammered lamely secretly wishing someone could have stopped me half a sentence ago.

Emily chuckled at that and I really couldn't blame her. God I was a tart!

"No one has ever called me fun before" she admitted shyly.

"No? Then they've definitely not seen the Emily I saw today"

The younger twin gave me a heartwarming smile before taking a step forward and pulling me down into a quick hug. She pressed her lips to my cheek for a fraction of a second and then released me quickly. It was a good and a bad thing that she had pulled away so fast. A bad thing because I would have loved to just stay like this forever with her in my arms and her lips on my skin. A good thing because if she had kept the contact longer she would have definitely felt the way my heart had accelerated with a jolt at her touch. And she couldn't find out just how much I fancied her because that'd totally destroy any friendship plans I was still trying to hold on to with her.

"I'll let you know for tonight, okay?" she said and I noticed her cheeks and nose had gone bright red.

"Yeah, alright" I whispered back.

Two seconds later, Emily had walked out of the building. Not without giving me a rather spectacular view of her perfectly perky bum though. Oh Jesus! I was a goner for that woman, I really was.

After a few seconds of silent staring, I jolted myself out of it and walked back to my office slightly chastising myself. I really had to put more effort into this friendship thing with Emily and staring at her arse, as nice as that was, wasn't a good way to remain friendly. When I finally reached my office and walked in, the first thing I noticed was JJ's sad expression. I raised my eyebrow questioningly at him and scanned the rest of the room to find my other friend. It didn't take long for me to spot him as he was standing in front of my bookshelf a picture frame in his hands. I didn't need to be close to know exactly which one it was. I grimaced to myself. Cook looked serious and much older than he had moments ago. His forehead was creased into a frown and he looked tired, exhausted actually. He really looked like a broken man, his boyish smile and demeanor form earlier clearly gone. I walked slowly until I was standing right behind him and placed a palm on his shoulder. I felt him tense at the contact and then relax into it. Sure enough as I gazed at the picture frame, I saw the young faces of Effy and I staring back looking just as innocent and happy as we probably had been then.

"She really was beautiful, wasn't she?" Cook croaked.

"Yes. Yes she was" I replied.

We stayed like that for a moment just looking at the picture in silence. I could tell that my touch was comforting to the man just from the way his entire body seemed to relax more and more as I kept my hand on his powerful shoulder. He had also leaned a bit so that my palm was lying flat as much as it could on his back. I let my whole forearm rest against his spine and saw the ghost of a smile cross his lips. I knew then, just as he seemed to know, that no matter the years we hadn't seen each other in this reality, we were still Cook and Naomi. We still understood each other.

I also knew Effy's death must have been a shock for the man. Back then, he had surely loved Effy just as he had loved her in my reality and if it was the case, losing her had probably been really hard. Despite all his faults, Cook knew how to love and when he did, he loved people fiercely. I knew he had loved Effy beyond reason for a time, so losing her… Add that to losing Freddie just a bit later and I felt certain Cook had been a mess. Not a semi-cute, movie kind of mess either. The ugly, raw one that you could only see in real life because as daring as the movie industry was, they couldn't portray that much human misery and how one person could fuck up their own life as they wallowed in their grief.

I let him gaze at the picture, let him get himself back to that time frame, if only for a moment. I didn't want him to go there for too long though. If I knew anything, I certainly knew that dwelling on the past was never good for a long period of time.

When I felt Cook had had enough, I took the picture from his hands and placed it back on the shelf. My friend sighed deeply, but didn't try to fight it. The next second he had turned around and tried to smile as genuinely as possible. I did the same.

"Jay and I are actually done for the day" I informed him. "Can we drop you somewhere until tonight?"

"Yeah. I got a few things at Keith's. Old bugger didn't mind me crashing last night but I know he can't have me stickin' around"

"That's okay, you can stay at mine"

"Yeah? You sure? I mean if you mind I can figure somethin' out" he told me.

It was funny how different Cook was being now that Emily was gone and he was just with me and JJ. I guess he had nothing to prove now, nothing to hide.

"Don't be ridiculous, my place is big enough"

"Thanks Blondie" the man said giving me a real genuine smile this time.

He stepped forward and gripped me into a bear hug. I chuckled a bit and felt Cook place a careful kiss to my temple.

"I missed ya Campbell" he whispered just loud enough so I'd be the only one to hear.

I hugged him back tighter before whispering back;

"I missed you too tosser"

The next second, he had let go of me and had walked over to JJ throwing his arm around his shoulder. His carefree smile and buoyant attitude back. I rolled my eyes as I looked at him tell Jay about some ridiculous tale about one a shag providing ample sound effects. JJ was smiling affectionately at Cook and I could tell he had missed him just as much as I had. Course Jay and I had been able to form a friendship and support each other, but what we had was based on grief and time. With Cook it had always been easy for the both of us.

Jay was Cook's anchor to this earth, his voice of reason. Cook had always had such a fucked up life that he tended to get lost in all this mind fuck. JJ was simple and mostly pure when you looked at it. He was also always there to remind Cook that life wasn't that hard and that what mattered was rather simple, in the end. I think without JJ, Cook wouldn't have been able to remain light and at least a little happy like he always had. I'm fairly sure he would have gotten lost into his own miserable life.

I was, on the other hand, his access to his decency if you will. In College I had been bitchy, but mostly quiet. I only used my words to make harsh comments to people who bothered me. Cook had been the opposite, always loud, always in your face. Together, we were able to switch those roles. Cook had always brought out my softer side. Not in the way Emily did obviously, but he always did. With him I was able to talk about my feelings, I was able to get it out there. Perhaps because I knew he'd never judge me for it. Around me, Cook could shut up. He knew he didn't need to talk so much when I was around because I could call his bullshit from a mile anyway. Our friendship had always been unique in that regards. Even with Effy it wasn't quite like that. Not that my friendship with Effy wasn't just as precious as my friendship with Cook.

As my mind wandered to my other friend, I glanced back at the picture resting peacefully on my bookshelf. I really wished she was here and that I could talk to her. Apart from Emily and I guess my mom, Effy had always been the one person who just knew me. She always had I think, in a way. God I missed her…

I took a deep sigh and when I turned back I noticed Cook and JJ had disappeared through the open door. I shook my head of these thoughts and followed them out thinking of the night that was to come. If anything, I was sure it was bound to be eventful. I found myself wishing automatically that Emily would be there. I smiled a bit at the thought. Yes, clubbing with Emily Fitch could only be a good thing.

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**So this is it for now. Some drinking and dancing to come. Oh and next chapter, Naomi remembers she's married! Lol :P Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought. Fav line? Least fav line? I'm just curious! Cheers xx**

**Miss.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Well greetings ffnet world! So as some of you will know, this was supposed to be up last Friday... Then I forgot my USB key at work and couldn't. I guess that's life for you though and there's not much I could do about it. Anyhow, here's the chapter! It's the longest so far with a 14800 or so word count. SO, yeah monster chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chp. or other chps. Thanks for the favs and alert that keep coming in. It's all very motivating and lovely. And appreciated. Much much appreciated! **

**Now before we move on with the actual chapter, I've got a little "announcement" to make. I've been commissioned ;) I guess you guys will all know Emz2009 by now. A) Cuz I've mentioned her before and B) cuz her story "Feel it" is a great piece of work that you should have read. Thing is, me and Emz, we talk often (really that girl can't get enough of me! AH!) and something came up. An idea. That was thrown out there a bit randomly at first. And then we discussed it seriously. So now, she's commissioned me to announce it, because, let's face it, I update more often than she does (twat and btw I'm doing the best I can to make her write faster). Soooo sometime (soon-ish?) there'll be a new bully in town with a new story. And it won't really be a new person, it'll be Emz and I. Cuz yeah, we've teamed up and decided to write a collab. :O Yes we have. We still don't know exactly when we'll start the actual writing and posting, but I shall keep you posted :) In any case, you might want to follow either me or Emz or both on Twitter as I'm sure we're bound to divulge more info on there when we've got them.**

**That being said, it is now chapter reading time :) (Oh and thanks to Spaggers for answering some of my "Brit"-related questions. Even though she's not Brit she's English. Thanks anyway)**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 24

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JJ and I had dropped Cook at the Fishpond Tavern and I had quickly written down my mobile number on a piece of paper for him. He had sworn to call me later to arrange everything and had disappeared inside the dingy pub. Jay had then driven me home before going back to his own place. I had to admit I was kind of excited about tonight. I hadn't clubbed with Cook in what felt like ages and I knew it would be good to blow off some steam.

I was lost in thoughts of outfits, partying and drinking when I opened the front door. So lost that I was genuinely surprised when I was greeted by a smiling Samantha. Was it bad that I had completely forgotten her existence for a while?

"Hey babes! How was work?" She chipped happily as she walked towards me.

"Same old" I replied shrugging.

I gave her an awkward peck on the lips.

"Anything special happened?" She asked.

"Well Emily Fitch came by… you know, Katie's twin?" I said tentatively.

"Oh?" Sam said. "Doesn't she live in London"

"Yeah yeah she does… she just… dropped by you know"

"Right…" said Sam slowly, a flash of jealousy passing in her eye.

I pecked her lips again to erase that look on her face. It seemed to work as she set herself into motion smiling again and I followed her to the kitchen. In there, I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet aroma of something that I was sure would be delicious. I walked carefully to the cooker, lifted a cauldron top to try and figure out what seemed so good and was invaded by different godly smells. I felt my mouth water at the scent almost automatically and grinned happily. I think I even let a little hum of contentment escape my lips. I heard Sam laugh behind me and, when I turned to face her, she was smirking knowingly.

"I'm making the apple stuffed chicken breast you love so much. I even went to a local farm not too far down south that also have a little like butcher shop to get the chicken. So it's 100% pure un-tortured meat" she informed me proudly.

I had absolutely no idea what the apple stuffed chicken would taste like, but I was certain I was indeed gonna enjoy it tremendously. Also, I had to admit it was kind of cute that she had gone through all that trouble just to cook me something. A familiar wave of guilt shot through my body like a shock though.

"What's the occasion?" I asked cocking my eyebrow at the redhead.

"No occasion, I've just been busy with work and I thought I'd make something nice for you" she replied.

Fuck sake's! Why was Sam so bloody _perfect_? I mean as much as our relationship was a bit weird and a bit cold, Sam as a person was perfect. She was beautiful, kind, optimistic... She had a dashing smile and a vibrant personality. If it hadn't been for Emily Fitch, I felt certain I could have loved this girl. At least to a certain extend. But there was an Emily Fitch and she owned my heart along with every little piece of me. And Sam couldn't compare. As much as she seemed to be a match made in heaven for me. Fucking hell she was even patient and cooked for me when she felt guilty about working too much! Not a lot of women did that.

I think I had furrowed my eyebrows a bit in guilt, because Sam took a few steps towards me, closing the distance between us. She smoothed my eyebrows one by one carefully with the tip of her fingers. She then placed a lingering kiss right between the two before sighing softly. She locked her gaze with mine and I was a bit surprised to see a hint of sadness in her eyes. Not guilt or anything like that, just pure sadness. Like she had lost something somehow.

"I really love you Naomi" she whispered, not breaking eye contact and I felt my heart break a little.

She meant it. Very much indeed. I could see it in her eyes that she did, but I could also see doubt laced with the sadness. She doubted me, my feelings for her and it was killing her, I was sure of it. It broke me that she was right. Somehow, I felt like she knew it too, that I didn't love her like she loved me.

I tried to smile at her to give her at least this moment to hold on to, but from the tight lipped smile she gave me back, I knew instantly I was doing a very poor job. Because I didn't know what else to do, I pushed my lips against hers. I kissed her softly, slowly, letting our mouths meld together, letting myself taste her kisses properly for what was probably the first time for me. It was a nice kiss. I wished it would have been more.

Have you ever had that feeling that someone is utterly, indisputably perfect for you in every possible way, but you're just not feeling the connection? Not in the way you're supposed to, not in the way everyone seems to be expecting you to. Like everyone would gush over how cute of a couple you'd make and how amazing your life together would be, but you just don't get it. You nearly wish you could because if everyone is saying it, it _must_ be true.

That's a bit how I felt about Sam. I could feel we had been everyone's favourite couple because we made so much sense together, but I was just not feeling it. Maybe it was because of how much I loved Emily, but I had a lingering feeling it was more than that. Like a certainty that my "self" from this reality had felt like that as well and that she hadn't had a more special connection to Sam than I had. I felt like the only difference was that she had known Sam while she was still just barely more than a stranger to me. Don't get me wrong, Samantha was really nice and I appreciated her, but I didn't love her. Not like I loved Emily. I could tell the difference between the two, but somehow I had a feeling other-Naomi hadn't known it.

I tried not to focus on that too much, but the thought kept coming up regardless as I broke our kiss and looked at her again. Her eyes were bright, full of hope. She looked so surprised that it hurt. Like dropping vinegar on a wound or something. I smiled at her and kissed her again. I hated how I felt like I owed it to her rather than actually wanted to kiss her. This marriage thing wasn't going as well as I was expecting. I had thought that with time I'd get used to it, that I'd come to bloody love this beautiful woman that had shared my life here, but it wasn't that simple. And to be fair, Emily's appearance in my life wasn't helping matters either. As I thought of Ems, I was reminded of tonight's clubbing. Oh, right. I guess I had to invite Sam didn't I? With her being my wife and all. I cringed a bit at the idea. It's not that I didn't want her to come per se, but I didn't know how it would go down with Emily. That is if Emily came at all. And that was definitely not a certain fact. I felt my body relax a bit. There was no point in overanalyzing things now was there? And anyway, Ems had mentioned something about Jim not wanting her to go out without him. So he was most likely to tag along wasn't he? Then maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have Sam around. I could focus on her. Maybe we'd even have a good time. This could only be good for our relationship.

I continued to encourage myself for a few minutes before turning my attention to Sam who had walked away by then and was busy cutting apples in small pieces.

"Oh I forgot to mention… I'm going for a few drinks and then dancing tonight, want to join?" I said trying my best to sound casual.

"Oh?" My wife replied cocking her eyebrow. "Don't you have work tomorrow morning?"

I shrugged.

"Well we don't have much planned so I can always go in late or not at all depending"

"Won't that upset Paul?" she inquired.

"Paul can shove it"

"Right" Sam muttered. "Well with whom are you going anyway?"

"JJ and Cook… Maybe other people" I provided.

Sam's head snapped to mine and her eyes widened.

"Did you just say Cook?" She exclaimed.

"Well yes"

"Cook as in _James_ Cook?"

"Yes… Is that wrong?" I asked her suspiciously.

"Naomi! You're not serious are you? Since when have you been in contact with Cook again?" she said alarmed.

"Since today, what's it matter?" I shrugged.

The redhead shook her head disbelievingly. She looked slightly speechless or maybe she was just plain shocked. She crossed her arms in front of her chest before finally asking:

"How long has he been out anyway?"

"What?" I asked getting even more confused.

She couldn't possibly mean…

"Well out of jail for fuck's sake! I thought he was doing like 15 years or something"

My eyes widened for a second at the news. Shit. So that's where Cook had been then. That's why he had disappeared. But why? I was sure neither John Foster nor Sophia Moore had ever been part of our lives here, thank fuck for that, so then why would have Cook been sent to jail? I guess it wasn't that atypical of him, but then again 15 years seemed like an awfully long time… What on earth had he done?

"I dunno… He didn't say" I replied looking a bit sheepish.

"So he just popped back into your life, invited you for drinks and you just accepted?"

"Hum… pretty much"

Sam scoffed loudly, shaking her head. Her demeanour made me feel silly. I didn't like it.

"JJ agreed too" I tried to defend.

"JJ's not a reference! He'd jump a bloody bridge if you told him to! Especially if Cook was asking as well!"

"Jesus, it's just drinks and some dancing, what's the big deal?" I asked exasperatedly. I was so not up for a fight right now.

"I thought we had sorted this out ages ago! You _know_ he's not good for your reputation babes…"

"What reputation? It's not like I'm still a minister is it?"

Now I was starting to get mad. My reputation? What the actual fuck?

"No but you're still a public figure! You have certain standards to respect, you can't be seen in the company of an ex-con"

I felt my temper rise at her words. She couldn't be serious right? What did I care for a fucking reputation and what not? Cook was my mate. Perhaps he had fucked up, but that wasn't a reason for me to turn my back on him. And anyway, being an ex-minister and hosting a stupid talk show didn't suddenly make me higher class.

"I don't fucking care about my public image! Cook is my best mate, that's all there is to it!"

"_Was _your best mate! You haven't seen him in years! Not since campaigning! You said it _yourself _that he was hurting your reputation, your chances of being elected!" Sam objected.

Had I really said that? I frowned and shook my head quickly. No, it couldn't be fucking true could it? I couldn't have been such a fucking cunt that I had actually turned my back on my friend. As I thought that, I remembered Leo McClair's accusing eyes piercing through me. I remembered his angered words about my lack of visiting. I also remembered JJ's sheepish expression as he had first brought in Cook. And to be honest, it wasn't Sam's style to just lie to win an argument. Oh god… Maybe I _had_ been that bad of a cunt… Fuck…

"Well…" I started. "I've changed my mind. I'm going out with Cook tonight and we're _both_ coming back here after. If you don't want to join, suit yourself" I concluded stubbornly.

"What!" the redhead cried out turning red with anger. "You are _not_ bringing him into our house!"

"Why the fucking hell not?" I shot back defiantly.

"He's an ex fucking con Naomi! Have you completely gone off your rockers? He's _not_ setting a foot in the flat!" she bellowed.

"He's my fucking _friend_ Sam! And this is as much my flat as it is yours! If I want him to sleep over, he bloody well will!"

"No. There's no way I'm letting a sad excuse of a man come into our home. Jesus Nai, for all you know he'll have gone with half our things in the morning!"

"Cook wouldn't do that!" I said aggressively. "And don't you dare insult him like that!"

"He's not sleeping at the flat" Sam concluded with a stern look and an air of finality.

"Yeah? Well neither am I" I said before turning on my heels, grabbing a coat and my purse and walking straight out the door.

The redhead didn't try to stop me and I didn't stop to glance back either. I was fuming, her words still reeling inside my brain. How could she be so fucking judgemental? If my quick mental calculations were right, she hadn't even known Cook! So how on earth could she just judge him so easily? I was so mad that I walked all the way to the Fishpond Tavern. I didn't stop to rethink my exit either and I certainly didn't consider going back home to explain myself further with Sam. She could shove her haughty attitude wherever she wanted for all I cared. Personally, I wanted a large lager and I wanted it now.

When I pushed the door open, my nostrils were instantly attacked by the disgusting smells of vomit, old beer and man sweat. Genius… Anyway, that would have to do. I took one glance around the place and noted it wasn't any different than the one from my own reality. I walked confidently to the bar and was instantly met by Keith's old barmaid.

"Hello Christina" I said with a tight smile. "Cook around by any chance?"

"Course love, I'll call him right up" she replied before turning around and bellowing the boy's name.

A few seconds later, Cook was walking down the stairs from what I knew to be Keith's office, a boyish grin on his face and a spring to his step.

"What is it Christina? Finally decided to agree to my proposal of gettin' it on with a younger lad?" He said to the old barmaid while wriggling his eyebrows.

"Not a chance son" she replied chuckling before pointing in my direction.

"Naomio!" He exclaimed throwing his arms out. "Thought I was supposed to call you, did _you_ change your mind about me offer than?"

"Not now Cook" I said frowning.

"Eh? That frowning is no good sign" He said before turning back to Christina. "Christie love would you mind bringin' us some mixed shots at the booth over there?"

The barmaid turned around and started pouring the shots. Cook smiled happily.

"You're a doll darlin'" he finished before grabbing my arm and leading me to the said booth.

As we flopped down on the seat, Cook fished a battered old fag out of his trousers' pocket quickly lighting it.

"Not sure you're actually allowed" I said eyeing him.

"Babes, you know as much as I do that I'm allowed pretty much everythin' at Keith's"

I shrugged because he had a fair point there. He smoked silently for a few seconds and Christina brought over a platter of shot glasses. There seemed to be all sorts of alcohol on it too. I stared at the different liquids, trying to figure what was what just by looking at them.

"That's cheatin' Blondie!" Cook said grinning madly.

I cocked him an eyebrow.

"The point of the game is to figure out what they are once you've drank it" he elaborated.

"I wasn't aware we were playing any game" I stated.

The boy lined 5 glasses in front of each of us. The first two were completely transparent, the third one had a little tint of yellow, the fourth one was dark amber and the last one was bright green. I didn't need to think much or taste it for that matter to guess what was in that last shot.

"Well, we are. That is if you're game Blondie…" Cook said, eyebrow in full wriggling mode.

"Oh, what the hell" I shrugged.

I grabbed the first glass between my fingers, clinked it briefly to Cook's before we both threw our heads back, gulped it as one and slammed it back on the table. It took me a fraction of a second longer, but I still felt proud. Out drinking Cook wasn't something I thought I could do, but following him closely had to be notifiable. My friend looked at me with eyes shining. I had barely cringed as the familiar taste of the alcohol hit my throat, I was too used to this one.

"So? What do you reckon?"

"Vodka" I provided without hesitation.

"Ay ay Blondie! But that was the easiest. Ready for the next?"

"Always"

We grabbed the second glass and threw it back as well. I followed Cook pretty closely, but this time I couldn't help making a sour face. That alcohol had never been my favourite.

"Gin" I said and Cook nodded happily.

"Fuck me Naomio, you're good at this"

"Thanks, but I'd rather not fuck you" I replied with a wink.

Cook chuckle for a few seconds and then pointed to the next glass. Again, we clinked, drank and slammed. My friend looked at me expectantly. Was he for real? He had clearly underestimated me.

"Tequila"

"Right again! You know Blondie I thought you were long done with your party days, but you still got some skills"

I smiled because as simple as his comment was, I knew it was a great compliment coming from Cook. We drank the fourth shot and I soon labelled it as Rum. Finally, we reached the last shot and I could see a hint of amusement in Cook's eyes. Surely he couldn't expect me to miss that one? I chugged the shot back and the second the peppermint taste hit my tongue, I felt myself frown and actually flinch. Jesus! I nearly choked on it and turned an evil glare to my friend who was cracking up on the bench in front of me.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked.

"It was Chartreuse" he replied knowingly. "You thought it was gonna be Absinthe didn't ya? Got you right I did, did I?"

"Yeah you got me there. This stuff actually tastes awful" I complained.

It only made the man laugh louder.

"I know you eat pussies Naomikins, but you don't have to be one"

He waved at Christina and the next second, there was a large glass of lager and a few more shots in front of us. I grabbed the lager and took a great sip before placing it back in front of me. Cook pushed over a shooter glass and after he swore it was vodka, I drank it. I was starting to feel a little buzzed and to be honest it felt good. My anger at Sam was slowly seeping out of my body replaced by the overriding, but ever so good feeling of alcohol. It kind of amazed me how alcohol seemed to make everything go away. It was a dangerous thing, especially when you were feeling shit, because it had that uncanny property of bringing you back your happiness effortlessly. Well, at least it was what it felt like at this moment.

"So? What brings you here so early then Blondie?" Cook said when he saw I had no intention to speak.

"I'm hungry" I stated.

My friend cocked his eyebrow at me curiously, but didn't argue. He waved Christina again and asked her to bring over a platter of food. That was something I liked about Cook, he never really pushed. He knew I had only talked about my hunger to delay answering his question and he was cool with that. To Cook, life was easy, simple. There was no need to rush it. I took another sip of lager and sighed heavily.

"I had a fight with Sam" I said simply.

"Sam's your bird?"

I nodded. There was absolutely no need to beat around the bush. Not with Cook.

"What about?" he asked, but I could already tell he knew the answer.

"You"

"Shit mate…" he muttered. "Didn't want to put you in trouble with your missus"

"It's not your fault, she was being a cunt" I replied.

Cook searched my features with his soft blue eyes for a bit. I knew he was trying to see if I was being completely honest or if I was holding back. When he didn't see any trace of lie he smiled.

"People are like that sometimes… Cunts"

I nodded my agreement and we both drank again. We stayed silent for a few more minutes and Christina soon brought a plate with a huge burger and chips on it. I took the burger and started eating hungrily as Cook munched on the chips. I was glad for the food since it was a good distraction from further talking. I knew it would come afterwards though, I could tell by the look in my friend's eyes. He knew I was upset about something and he'd be damned if I was gonna play him until I ended up not answering at all. He knew the game though and he knew how not to make me feel pressured, so he kept the drinks coming as we ate our way through the last piece of chip. I was glad that he did because it had allowed me to keep my alcohol buzz, enhance it even. I was feeling more relaxed.

"So… what's up with you and your lass then?" Cook said once I had nothing left to distract myself with.

"I dunno… It's just… hard you know? I mean it should work, she's gorgeous and nice and all, but it just… She's not…" I trailed off finding it hard to find the right words.

"You don't love her proper you mean?" My friend stated more than asked.

I closed my eyes a little. He was right of course, I knew that, but admitting it was still hard. Admitting it to him was hard because I couldn't erase the feeling that me and Sam not working was an actual failure. The thing is, throughout these reality travels, I had only been able to rely on myself because I just couldn't share the craziness of my situation with anyone. Especially in this reality because I guess I hadn't been as surprised, I felt like I had planned and schemed my days, always careful and mindful not to be too weird or anything. I was eager to fit into these realities, live up to that new life I had had. Okay well maybe not so much in the last one, but in this one, that's how I felt. I was also convinced I had it right too, that whatever I was doing was exactly what I _had_ to do. Even if it wasn't exactly what I wished I could have done. Even if I'd have rather charmed Emily here than try to remain on a friend's level with her.

I just knew I had to make my marriage work somehow. It was weird how implicated I felt, how I really wanted the marriage to work out in a way, even if Sam wasn't Emily and never would be. I guess I wanted to prove to myself that this direction I had chosen to take was the good one. I wanted to prove that this could be a happy turn of events, the happiest for all parties, well, the happiest for Emily. I needed to prove that both Emily and I could be happily married to other people. So to be sat here, in a pub, ridiculously buzzed with Cook and being told I didn't love my wife was upsetting. No matter how true it was and how much I knew it. It felt like it was the proof I had gotten something wrong after all. Like I had said, it felt like a failure.

I sighed deeply. I could postpone it as much as I wanted to, but in the end, I'd have to answer him and I was very much aware he knew the answer just as much as I did.

"Not properly no. I wish I did" I finally relented in a very small voice and even I was surprised to see how much I had meant it.

We stayed silent for a few seconds. I think Cook was giving me some time to let my words properly sink in. There, I had admitted it.

"Can't force these things Blondie you know?"

"I know, but she's my wife Cook… I owe it to her to try harder…"

"Think you'll find the only thing you really owe her is honesty babes"

I stared bewildered at the boy for at least 30 seconds. Had Cook really just said that? I think that was probably the smartest thing I had _ever_ heard coming out of his mouth.

"Fuck me James! Since when have you been all deep and stuff?" I teased.

"Anytime on the fucking part Naomikins, you know that. But ya, I reckon prison made me more in touch with my feminine side as weird as that may sound" He joked right back.

I felt a familiar tinge of guilt get back to me right back then. I frowned a little.

"What's up with you now?" the sandy blond inquired.

"I just… I'm sorry" I said meeting his eyes on the last word.

"For what?" he said.

"For… you know… Not visiting and… well… being a general cunt" I said.

Cook smiled softly at me, his eyes filling with sadness.

"S'alright Naomio, you were a big politician and shit. I get it" he shrugged.

"No" I said firmly. "It's not ok. I really am sorry"

Cook stared into my eyes for a few seconds and smiled a bit more sincerely this time, a smile a bit less laced with hurt.

"Thanks. For saying it"

"I've got my head screwed back on straight now" I added just to reassure him.

"Sure seems like it mate. Except on the muff munching part of course" he winked at me and I let a little laugh out.

I realized with relief that I was feeling much better than I had when I had first walked into the pub thanks to Cook. Things were still shit with Sam, I still had no idea what I'd do when I'd return home, but for the time being, it could wait. You really had to give it to the guy, he knew how to take care of his friends.

"Now that that's sorted" He began. "Where are we gonna crash tonight then?"

"Dunno. Reckon Keith would mind if I crashed here with you?"

"Prolly not. Old bugger might even try to get a proper look at your tits while you're sleepin' I reckon"

"Urgh!" I exclaimed disgusted which only made my friend laugh.

"Anyhow, I don't suppose you grabbed some other clothes before you stormed out of your flat eh Blondie?"

I looked down at myself and quickly realized I was still dressed into my satin blouse and designer skirt. That was definitely a bit too classy for clubbing. Shit. I honestly hadn't thought of clothes as I stormed out. I was just mad.

"It's alright" Cook said smiling. "You got a credit card, we can go shopping"

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"You're offering me to go shopping? Jesus! Who are you and what have you done with James Cook?" I asked surprised.

My friend threw his head back and laughed loudly.

"Ain't a favour, believe me babes. I just want to ogle your tits as you parade the outfits" He replied nonchalantly.

The ridiculous thing was that I knew he wasn't even joking. I grinned at him and shook my head. Cook would always be Cook as sure as the sky would always be blue and the Christmas day episode of Eastenders ridiculously outrageous. And that was actually a really comforting thought.

"Perv" I whispered.

"Yeah, you love me" he shot back getting up.

For the first time since entering the pub, I noticed that he had actually changed. He was now wearing a pair of really nice beige trousers, an expansive looking black and grey stripped polo t-shirt and a brand new pair of white sneakers. His hair was still the long mess he had sported earlier, but it seemed cleaner and actually styled. I smirked at him after giving him an obvious once over.

"You clean up nice for a tosser" I told him and winked.

"Fuck you" he said with a laugh.

"Fuck you right back"

I smiled and laced my arm through his and we both left the pub chatting amiably.

.

.

.

.

It was 22h30 and Cook and I were back at Keith's, waiting. The shopping trip hadn't been half as bad as I had expected it to be and Cook had actually been a wonderful help. To be fair, the guy knew his women and knew how to make them look fit as fuck. Even I was kind of impressed with what he had managed to dig up for me. And… I had to admit… I _did_ look quite alluring. The first thing Cook had wanted to find was jeans that would make my arse "positively bittable". His words. We had walked around a few shops until we had settled for a pair of black skinny jeans that really were skin tight. They did, thought, make my arse look fantastic so, obviously, I had been obliged to buy them. Never underestimate the effect of a nicely presented bum.

Second thing we had found was a top. This had been a bit more complicated. I had tried on what felt like every single top at the shopping centre. Vest tops, t-shirts, cardigans, tunics, flimsy, wrinkly, sparkly, blue, red, white, yellow, even an ugly purple, I had tried them all. I had wanted to just give up, but, in the end, Cook had found the perfect one. It was a royal blue strapless top that had a little cleavage in the front, but that wasn't its biggest asset. Its biggest asset was that the top left my back nearly completely bare. I hadn't been too sure about this, but when I had walked out of the cabin, Cook's eyes had grown into the size of actual saucers and he had been speechless. I had blushed like a stupid schoolgirl as I realized he was actually stunned. Cook had immediately declared that this was the absolute perfect top, but I still hadn't been sure. I was afraid it would be a bit too much.

We were still arguing over it when I received a text message. I think my heart leaped into my throat when I saw Emily's name on my phone. I quickly fumbled with the touch screen to read the message and felt a thousand explosions go off in my chest as she confirmed that both Katie and her would be attending tonight. When I related the information to Cook, he really looked like he had won the lottery. As he celebrated and started going on about how great of a night we were gonna have, I let my mind wander back to the message and how Emily hadn't mentioned Jim's presence. I felt guilty for being so happy about it.

In the end, I had bought the top and I was very aware deep down that I had only decided to go with it because I was secretly (not so secretly) hoping Emily would look at me just like Cook had done. A few shops later, Cook and I were done with the shopping and popping back at Keith's. As Cook called JJ to inform him of tonight's plan, I had taken a shower and finished preparing. Of course, I had bought make up on our improvised shopping spree so I fixed myself with a dark smokey eye. I had also coiffed my hair so that it would fall in neat curls on my shoulders. When I had met back with Cook downstairs, he had wolf whistled me loudly and had declared he'd have to bat off the lads and lasses tonight.

So here we were, a few hours and drinks later, chatting and waiting for the others. Actually, we were only waiting for Katie and Emily since JJ had called back to cancel last minute. Something about Justine being really mad or something. Cook had been extremely disappointed, but hadn't wanted it to show. Of course I could tell. I could always tell. I could see it in his eyes, this little glint of hurt. He had also fastened his drinking pace since then and that in itself was a massive hint of his disappointment. In the end, I had had no choice but to fasten mine as well. We'd both been drinking since about eight so it was fair enough to say that we were both starting to be quite pissed. Actually, I was more on my way to be completely off of it, but Cook still seemed pretty fine. I guess that was Cook for you thought.

The more we waited, the more I found myself getting nervous. Nervous because I was about to spend the night with Emily. A night clubbing. And clubbing included dancing. And dancing included touching. And touching, when it included Emily, included me completely losing my shit. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk so much. I didn't know how well I'd deal with the situation with most of my inhibition gone. Keeping my hands off Emily was already hard as it was, I didn't need anything to make it harder.

It felt like I was checking the door to Keith's pub every two seconds, but I really couldn't help it much. I was drunk and I wanted nothing more than to see Emily. I didn't care much if I could touch her or not, but I definitely needed her close by. I wanted to be completely surrounded by everything _Emily_. Because no moment was quite as perfectly fulfilling as when I was with her, with her scent, with her laugh, with her smile and with her eyes upon me. I just thrived when she was there, because it really felt like she had aIways belonged there. She made my heart swell in a ridiculous manner that would have made my teenage self roll her eyes until they bled by the mere sappiness of it. The more time I spent apart from her, the more I missed her and realised just how badly I needed her. And really I reckon wars have been started for sillier reasons.

After what felt like years, the door of Keith's was pushed open and in stepped one unmistakable Katie Fitch. Sheepishly behind her followed the familiar form of my second, but oh so favourite, twin. The second my eyes fell on her, I was very happy to be sitting because I doubt I'd have been able to take in such a sight while standing. I felt every pore of my skin open up and freaking ooze for all they were worth. I don't know how I managed to keep the very _very_ filthy "Fuck me" that desperately wanted to escape my lips. I swear to god I had never been so close to self-combust just by looking at someone. Jesus! What power did this little Fitch have over me?

I heard Cook clear his throat next to me and I gave him a quick look. He was grinning from ear to ear and I noticed then that my mouth was sadly completely open. I closed it promptly and heard the men chuckle. I felt my cheeks burn and they got even worse when my friend muttered:

"Close the gawping mouth all you want Naoms, but your eyes are still fucking her"

He chuckled again and I turned my gaze back on Emily. She was smiling shyly at me, her brown eyes glowing in the dim lighted pub. I took in her appearance again. I wasn't sure if it was the sleeveless thin crimson top with a very low cleavage or the very small pair of dark blue shorts ending just below her deliciously perky bum that did more to her figure. She had decided to finish the outfit with a pair of bronze gladiator sandals. Her hair had been straightened and her fringe pulled back in a quiff. Her make-up was light with bronzes and reds on her eyelids making the brown of her eyes even more warm and complex than usual and thick black mascara that seemed to make her eyelashes look infinitely longer. I was brought out of my contemplating daze by an overexcited Cook as he jumped up from the seat beside me and went to greet the twins. I felt my leg lift me and realized I was following him. In a matter of seconds, we had stopped in front of them. Katie was first to speak.

"Naomi!" she exclaimed happily. "Thanks for the invite babes. We needed a night out"

I took a moment then to take in her outfit too. It had to be said that Katie looked great as well. She had on a black sleeveless dress that glimmered with a silver color as she moved. She also had extremely high heels that had a dark grey and black leopard print. Around her neck, she had accessorized the outfit with a long silver pendant finishing in a metallic feather. Her make-up was a bit big and bold and quite dark, but it suited the look. Her hair was as red as ever, the top layer pulled back to free her forehead, but the rest was hanging loose, falling straight onto her shoulders. The dress was doing amazing things to her curves and her tits were really pushed up so that her cleavage was quite appealing. Although I have to admit I preferred Emily's rather more natural looking one. But then again, was there something I didn't prefer on Emily? I could tell Cook was very impressed with the older twin though. And if Katie's shinning eyes and coy smirk was anything to go by as she gave my friend a once over, she definitely wasn't disappointed with the boy either. I can't say I was that surprised though. These two were together in my reality after all and for all their rudeness and loud attitude, they did seem to love each other deeply.

"Katie, this is my mate James Cook" I quickly introduced them.

"Just call me Cook" the boy informed her, grabbing her hand and kissing it a bit like he had done to Emily just a few hours ago.

Instead of looking disgusted like her twin had though, Katie fluttered her eyelashes at Cook. He only grinned more brightly before leaning towards her, her hand still in his and whispering something in her ear. Whatever it was, I was about 100% convinced it was filthy. Katie only laughed though and slapped his shoulder playfully. I found myself softly smiling at their banter, but when I looked over at Emily, she was rolling her eyes in exasperation. I then remembered that Katie was actually married. Oh right…

"Hey" I said waving pathetically at Emily my voice squeaky.

Dear lord, kill me now. How more stupid could I look? Emily only turned her head slightly to face me though and gave me another shy smile.

"Hi" she said her voice ridiculously husky.

That voice was unfair. It really was, because it always (and when I say always I mean _always_) made me want to do all sort of dirty things to her. Especially since I was very intimate and familiar with every change in her voice's pitch as I did those dirty things to her. I could almost hear it now… Again, I was snapped out of my dirty thoughts by Cook.

"Emilio!" he exclaimed, grabbing the other twin around the shoulders and lifting her right off the ground.

The brunette squeaked in surprised, but when Cook had put her down, I could tell she was trying to suppress a smile.

"Where's JJ?" she asked politely and I saw the dark look automatically cross my friend's brow.

"Couldn't make it" he responded lightly.

Emily looked at me inquiringly and I shook my head at her. I'd explain it to her later, but now was definitely not the time.

"Ladies!" Cook piped up. "If you'll follow us to our marvellous table"

He walked in front of us right to the booth we had been sat at and slid on one side. Katie slid in next to him looking a bit disgusted. I had to stifle a laugh. It was rather funny to see Katie come into the Fishpond Tavern for the first time ever. I had unfortunately arrived a bit too late on Cook's birthday all those years ago and had missed her reaction. I was fucking glad to see it now. I slid in the other side next and Emily quickly followed me. When I turned around to look at her, she was giving me a bit of a weird look.

"Are you alright?" I asked her concerned and she quickly nodded her cheeks burning red.

I was about to push for more information, but Cook was quick to interrupt. He asked us what we cared to drink and was waving Christina a second later. When the order had been made, he turned his attention to Katie and started chatting. I couldn't be arse to listen to their flirty comments and happily turned my attention back to Emily. She seemed to have gotten over whatever had made her blush and smiled at me shyly again. It was a bit surprising to see her all shy and fidgety like that. When we had hung out earlier in the day, she seemed much more comfortable. She had discussed so passionately with me and here she was, barely uttering a single word, her cheeks sporting this ever tint of red. I chanced a quick look at her sister who was talking animatedly to Cook, her palm on his forearm and frowned. I guess Emily was just different around Katie. It was a bit of a shame.

"How come JJ isn't here?" Emily asked me in a small voice.

"I'm not too sure. Something about his girlfriend… Cook's a bit upset about it" I replied.

"Oh… that's too bad. He was really good company. It would have been nice to see him"

Fucking green-eyed monster. I felt my body stiffen a bit at her comment. Was she disappointed that JJ wasn't here? Had she wanted to hang out with him mostly and now that he wasn't here she was regretting coming altogether? Hadn't she wanted to see me a bit too at all?

"Sam isn't with you?" she then asked.

That did nothing to lift my mood. I felt my body stiffen even worse and clenched my teeth. Our drinks arrived and I grabbed my pint as quickly as possible, taking a huge gulp. Emily had taken a smaller one of hers and was still looking at me questioningly when I placed the drink in front of me.

"She didn't feel like going out" I said simply.

"Oh?" Emily asked.

I could tell she knew I wasn't telling her the whole story. Damn you Emily Fitch! Will you stop knowing me so much? And of course I just couldn't deny her an explanation. Especially not when she was looking at me with those eyes.

"We had a bit of a fight I'm afraid" I elaborated.

"I'm sorry to hear that" The brunette replied and she looked sorry as well.

I shrugged to show I didn't care that much, but I guess my body language was betraying me. Of course I was still fucking mad at Sam. I could still see her sneering face and hear her harsh words and it pissed me off. How was I supposed to make this fucking marriage work if she behaved like that? I must have been staring at my pint for a bit too long, because the next second, Emily had shifted closer to me and had bumped my shoulder with hers. I lifted my eyes and locked them with hers. Fuck me she really was gorgeous. She gave me a soft, understanding smile and I felt my lips follow hers. She placed a careful hand on my thigh and I felt a shiver go up my chest right to my heart.

"It's okay" she whispered.

Maybe I was a bit too tipsy to react to this like I should have, but I placed my hand on top of hers, keeping the eye contact. Emily's eyes were as dark as I had ever seen them then and I felt sure mine were too. I started tracing patterns on her hand with my thumb, not even realizing I was doing it. I had never really realized I was doing things with Emily, I had always just done them. Even in College. One minute I was asking her to fuck off from my room and the next I was brushing my fingers in her hair as she slept wanting nothing more than to pull her into my arms. This was a bit similar in the way that I was supposed to remain her friend and here I was caressing her skin and fucking revelling in it. I heard Emily's breathe catch in her throat though and the next second, she had taken her hand away from me and had grabbed her drink chugging a good third of it. I looked sheepishly at mine, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment. For Fuck's sake! Couldn't I just hold in this terrible need I had of always touching her? How much of a fantastic pervert was I? I could barely look at her now. The silence between us was shy and uncomfortable. I didn't bloody like it one second. We weren't like that me and Ems. We weren't awkward. We were bombs, two fucking ready to burst bombs that always seemed to manage to explode together. I was actually relieved when Katie finally decided to address us.

"Sup with you two?" she said than turned to sneer at Emily. "Fuck's sake Ems are you being a cunt to Naomi again? I thought you were good chums or whatever now"

I gave the younger twin a sideways glance. She shrugged at her sister before sipping the rest of her drink and getting up to walk to the bar. I wanted to fucking crawl under the table and disappear. Katie looked at her retrieving sister with raised eyebrows before turning a questioning look to me. It was my turn to shrug and drink. I tried not to notice that Cook was eyeing me with amusement, but I failed miserably. When Katie turned around to look at Emily again, I quickly flipped off my friend and he laughed a little. When Katie turn to us to see what was so amusing, we both shrugged and she gave us an exasperated sigh.

"Fuck's sake" she muttered, getting up and joining her sister at the bar.

We watched her in silence as she walked to the bar, swaying her hips in a very determinate way. I was quite sure it was sorely for Cook's entertainment. When Katie had reached her sister, Cook turned his attention back to me.

"Shut up!" I barked before he had time to say anything.

He only laughed more loudly and chugged his own beer.

"Suit yourself" he replied. "I reckon those twins are right though. We need more drinks"

And with that he was getting up and leaving me alone at the table. I cursed a little and sipped at my drink pathetically. Why did I always have to fuck things up? Why had I fucking taken her hand like that? Why had I fucking caressed her with my thumb? I must have known she'd take it away. She was married for crying out loud! To a bloody _man_! A very good looking man at that! For all I knew she had no interest in women here. As hard as I found that to believe, I _had_ to. This was how things were. I couldn't live in my fantasy land or expect things to turn out just like they had in my own reality. I couldn't fucking expect that Emily would fancy me. I couldn't take it for granted that she would no matter where we were and no matter the circumstances. I thought the last reality had made this clear enough, but apparently my brain was thinking differently. Or actually, my heart was. My brain knew just how stupid I was being, but, like every time when it was a matter of the younger twin, my brain was fucking useless. I was still mentally berating myself, completely believing Emily would never talk to me again when she interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey" she muttered next to me.

I snapped my head to hers in surprise. She gave me a timid smile.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to become all awkward like that" she said looking at her laced fingers on the table.

"S'okay" I said. "I'm sorry"

"Why?" she asked looking at me again.

"For making you uncomfortable… I just…" I trailed off.

I frowned at my own inadequacy. I couldn't explain myself without giving too much away. I just couldn't.

"You didn't… I'm just being silly" she said shaking her head.

I frowned. I wanted to ask her why. I wanted to ask her how. I wanted to know what "silly" meant for her, why she had chosen that particular word. I wasn't sure I was ready for the reply though. So, instead of asking her the questions that were burning in my throat, I offered her a shrug and drank some more. I wasn't sure if I was mad at myself for being a coward. I guess I wasn't sure of a few things at the moment.

When Cook and Katie joined us again, my friend had brought with him another larger for me and a few shots for everyone. We drank them as one. Then, the boy had turned his attention to Emily.

"So Emilio man, where's that husband of yours?" he asked.

I couldn't help but pay extra attention to my love's reply. Her cheeks had gone bright red and she looked up at Katie. Her sister was smirking.

"Jim isn't really the clubbing type of man…" Emily said in a small voice.

Katie scoffed at the comment and when both Cook and I gave her interrogative looks, she decided to elaborate.

"Well Ems' husband is well fit and everything, but he's a bit of a funsponge. Always has been. Wouldn't see his face in a club for a million quid"

Emily was frowning at how Katie was describing her husband, but she wasn't arguing either.

"I guess that's why they fit so well together. Emily never was much of the partier either" the older Fitch continued.

It was my turn to frown then, because if I knew one thing about Emily Fitch, it was that she knew how to fucking party. Emily might have been shy when I first met her, but she was wild inside and once the beast was unleash, she was unstoppable. Ems had _loved_ clubbing in my reality. She had loved to feel the music surround her and had loved that she could just let go as she swayed to it. I frowned even more when Emily didn't correct Katie again.

"But yeah like, if I ask her and really want to, she'll always come, but Jim isn't even like that. He just says he's knackered from work and like whatever. So I told him Darren was out of town for the evening and that Ems was coming over for some twin bonding time. He never argues about that as he fucking shouldn't. Emsy's _my_ twin so like, I can see her whenever the fuck I want"

I clenched my teeth. Fucking hell! I hadn't heard Katie speak of Emily in such a possessive way since College. And Emily wasn't adding anything else either. She was just letting Katie say these things. I looked at her a bit surprised. Where the fuck was my Emily-Force-of-Nature-Fitch? Why wasn't she telling Katie to fuck off? Why was she putting up with her sister's cuntish possessive ways at 24?

"Course, Jim's sort of a possessive lad so I couldn't exactly tell him Ems and I were going clubbing. He'd get his pants all up in a twist and have a fit so I just lied and said we'd watch movies at mine." the older twin finished.

She seemed quite satisfied with herself as well. Like she had done the smartest thing in the world. If my eyes could have gone any wider, they might have popped out of their orbits on their own. A sort of possessive lad? What the fuck was _that_ supposed to mean? I thought back on how Emily had said she needed to ask him before going out and how he had held her close to him at the fundraiser. I felt my blood fucking boil. No not boil, I think it actually turned to lava. Like my body had transformed into a volcano and was ready to erupt. Was Jim _controlling_ Emily? I clenched my teeth even harder at the idea. Surely Emily wouldn't let anyone do that to her right? Oh fuck me I had better not find out that she had…

"Well that's fine by me if no funsponge is coming tonight" claimed Cook cutting the silence that had installed after Katie's tale. "Speaking of funsponges, you lovely ladies are way too sober right now. We need drinks and shots and we need to consume them now!"

We all smiled at his suggestion and did exactly as he had instructed. I was still silently seething over the Jim issue and I wanted to ask Emily about a hundred questions about it, but now was not the time. So I drank along with the others and my mood slightly lifted.

Maybe an hour later, we were all feeling ridiculously more smashed and pretty damn festive. We'd all been chatting together with no care in the world and it felt fucking fantastic. Emily was giggling beside me, her face red. I knew she was pretty drunk by then, but it made her look absurdly cute. I could have stayed like that, listening to her giggles and drunk hiccoughs all night. Cook was as outrageous as ever, speaking as loudly as he pleased. He had even gone on stage and sung the same god awful song he had on his 17th birthday, but this time for Katie. Obviously, the redhead had fucking loved it. We had played a few games and drank way too many shots, but at least I couldn't say we hadn't had fun.

After a while, declaring we had enough of a good start, Cook claimed it was time to hit the club. We all agreed readily and followed the boy out. We decided to walk to the club as Cook promised us it wasn't too far from the pub. Just before reaching our destination, my friend led us into an empty alley and came to a stop. Before any of us had time to ask him any questions, he had pulled out a little bag full of pills from his pocket.

"Finest gears in Bristol" he promised.

I think he could have said it was the shittiest and we wouldn't have cared to be honest. Emily seemed a bit reluctant at first but when Katie rolled her eyes at her and scoffed, she took a pill from the bag as if it was a personal challenge. I grabbed mine with little hesitation and popped it directly in my mouth. Cook had taken two other pills out before putting the bag back in his pocket. He presented one of them to Katie on the tip of his finger and cocked her an eyebrow. The older twin locked her gaze with Cook before putting her mouth around my friend's whole finger and slowly sucking her way up until she had the pill in her mouth. From the way he was grinning and his eyes were shining, I could tell Katie's little stunt had gotten him right where she wanted, his balls in her hands. I knew Cook enough to know he'd put up with any shit Katie might pull tonight if it meant he had a shot at shagging her. And if I knew Katie enough that's exactly what she wanted. Not that she'd give it easily to Cook if she gave him at all. Katie had always been an expert tease and she liked feeling in control of her men.

I turned to Emily and pretended to shudder. She laughed and placed the pill on her tongue. I gulped slowly as I saw the pink organ. I really wanted nothing more then to have it meet my own. Jesus, the pill hadn't even started kicking in and my brain was already forming plans of kissing Emily! This was going to be a long night.

Cook led us to the entrance of the club and we were all in quite rapidly after he had a quick word with the doorman. My friend then led us to the bar and ordered another round of shots for everyone. The club we were in wasn't familiar to me. It was pretty big and pretty crowded though. I could see it had two floors, the second one over looking the first's dance floor in a large all around mezzanine. A pristine glossy black DJ booth was erected above the crowd in one corner and the lights were flashing multiple colors on the dancing bodies. The air was warm and humid and smelled of sweat and alcohol. I could see numerous bodies dancing freely on the wooden floor, eyes closed seemingly entranced by the electronic music pumping violently. Everybody seemed to be glistening in sweat, but no one seemed to care. I wasn't sure if I was disgusted or if I was in awe of the mass of people and limbs entangled before me. Disgusted because they were really sweating like crazy, but also in awe because they were beautiful. All of them, their arms stroking and brushing, their hips swaying and grinding, their lips laughing or talking or kissing, without a fucking care in the world. The dance floor was another planet and when you were there, nothing else mattered, not in that instant. The moment of a dance the rest of the world could well get lost like it had never existed in the first place. Yes there was sweat, but as I looked at a drop of it go down the side of some random girl's neck and imagined it on Emily instead, I instantly decided that sweat was a very good thing. I felt my tongue dart out to moisten my lips as I imagined Emily's body dancing like that on the dance floor, her flawless skin shimmering in the blues and greens of the moving lighting… I was invaded by images of _our_ limbs intertwining on the dance floor and had to take a big breath to send those images away. My brain was fuzzy and it felt like every desire in my body was running high, but still, I couldn't think like that.

Katie had started drumming her fingers on the top of the bar rhythmically to the music and was looking at the dance floor with envy. Cook noticed it in an instant and offered her his hand. She eyed him up and down carefully, a hand on her hip. Cook grinned wider and puffed out his chest raising his eyebrow. Katie smirked before taking his offered hand and together they made their way to the dance floor. My friend waved at me and Emily to follow as they passed, but the younger twin seemed unwilling to move. I noticed she had ordered a beer and was slightly hiding behind it. She looked quite uncomfortable and that made me want to hug her. What? Friends hugged right? I was allowed to want to hug her! Okay so maybe I wanted to do a _lot_ more than hug, but that wasn't the point.

We stood side by side in silence for a bit. I ordered a beer myself and we both drank while looking at Katie and Cook properly grinding with each other. Every once in a while though, some other lad would come up to Katie and she'd dance with them just to see how Cook would react. My friend seemed to intimidate the fuck out of them though as one look had them walking away or one firm push if the lad was stupid enough to cling. Every time Cook showed she was his for the night Katie would beam. I could tell she loved the testosterone display even if I thought it was a bit dumb. At the moment, Katie had her back pressed against Cook's chest and her hips digging into him as he smiled and traced his hands all over Katie's stomach and sides, stopping an inch before her tits.

"They seem to be enjoying themselves" I stated, effectively breaking the silence between me and Emily.

"Katie's enjoying Cook's hard on more like" The brunette replied sounding bitter.

"Does that bother you?" I inquired.

"No, she can do whatever the fuck she wants" the petite snapped.

I stared at her for a few seconds without replying. Well I had certainly touched a nerve there. Emily turned to look at me sheepishly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude to you" she said quietly.

"It's okay. But clearly it does bother you then… why?"

I had a sudden flash of Emily dancing like that with Cook instead. Surely she wasn't jealous of Katie right? I mean Cook had tried to get in on with her first… What if she had been interested? Jesus!

"It's just… she's fucking married!"

And the paranoia award goes to Naomi Campbell! Seriously I had to stop with the jealousy moments with Ems. I looked at her though and it wasn't just that, I could tell. I knew her enough. She was looking at Katie and Cook with pretty expressive eyes, her nose scrunched in dislike. Well, Emily was always looking at things and people with expressive eyes. You just had to pay attention to decipher every emotion showing. Or at least, care enough. I certainly did both. And right now I could see she was upset and looking at her twin with a bit of envy, but also with a certain underlining of fury. That was weird.

"That's not only it though… is it?" I asked her.

The petite scrunched up her nose even more and closed her eyes before turning to face me. She stared into my eyes for a second, examining me. I wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she seemed to find it. She nodded to herself, before turning around and waving the bartender over. She quickly ordered two shots, offering me one before drinking one quickly. When she was done, she chugged the remainder of her beer and I did the same. When we were both empty handed, I looked at her and cocked my head to the side a little. She didn't need more encouragement to start speaking.

"Katie's always been… overbearing" she started slurring her words a bit.

I nodded, waiting for her to carry on.

"Every school we attended, everywhere we went… It was always about her. She had to make the world know she existed you know? Anyway, it's not that I care that much. She can be as loud and take as much space as she wants for all I care"

"What do you care about then?"

"I just wished she wasn't so _hypocritical_ all the time!"

"How so?"

"Just fucking look at her!" Emily fumed pointing her sister who had her hands on Cook's thighs now.

I could see the tension building in Emily's body as she frowned at her sister's dancing. She clenched her fists and her teeth. She was mad, that's for sure, but she also looked sad. When the first tears sprung to her eyes, I felt my heart leap in my throat. I absolutely hated to see her in such a state. I quickly stepped closer to her, putting my hand on her shoulder and turning her so she'd face me.

"Hey Emily… Ems…"

A few tears escaped her shinning brown eyes and I automatically brushed them away with my thumb.

"What's the matter?" I asked my eyes and voice full of concern. "Do you want to step outside for a minute? I'd quite like a fag anyway"

Emily nodded and I grabbed her small hand in mine. I led us through the moving masses to the terrace of the club. Once outside, we retreated into a corner and I took a pack of fags out and a lighter. I offered one to Emily who took it willingly. I waited for a moment before speaking again. With each drag, Emily's lungs were filling up with tobacco and I could see that it was calming her. We had barely been in the club for 20 minutes and she was already upset. I wish it hadn't upset me just as much though. I genuinely wanted her to have a good time.

"Are you feeling better?" I inquired.

She nodded slowly and kept on smoking.

"I take it you and Katie have your quarrels then?"

"You could say that"

"I've noticed she seems to be a bit… controlling"

"A bit is an understatement!" Emily scoffed. "She's always got to be in charge"

"And I take it you're not okay with that"

"I didn't say that…" she muttered.

"You didn't need to"

"It's just… frustrating sometimes" Emily admitted.

"Why do you let her then?"

"I don't exactly _let_ her… She just keeps doing it" the petite tried to defend.

"Seems to me like you're putting up with it…" I said.

The brunette looked a bit sheepish for a moment. Her shoulders fell a bit and she looked at the ground.

"You don't have to you know…" I said. "Put up with it I mean"

Emily nodded at my statement, but it felt like she was nodding to herself.

"So why do you do it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure… I think… I think I don't know what else I'm supposed to do you know?" the petite replied earnestly. "It's always been this way"

"Doesn't mean it has to stay like that though… Are you happy with the way things are?"

"I think I am…" Emily muttered.

"Are you sure?"

"You don't understand Naomi… It's just like that. I mean, Katie might behave like a bitch, but really, she cares for me"

"I'm sure she does. But that doesn't give her the right to treat you like you're hers"

"I sort of _am_ hers though… I'm her twin"

"What? You can't seriously mean that can you?"

"I do… I mean sure it bothers me sometimes, but it's also nice to know that someone cares for me like that. Katie… she's just insecure deep down"

I had to scoff at that. I mean okay so I did know that Katie _did_ have her insecurities, but to be fair, she didn't seem to have any problem of the sort here.

"She really is. She's the older twin so my mum always used to put her in charge of looking out for me. Never the other way around. She got used to it and now she feels like she's responsible for me, always has. She's just trying to look out for me"

"Don't you think she might be overstretching the mark a bit?" I asked.

I couldn't believe Emily was actually saying this. I couldn't believe she was justifying Katie's obsessive need to control her life. Insecurities or not, Emily had to know she didn't need to put up with Katie's ways just to please her. She had to right?

"Maybe… She just needs to be in the spotlight more than I do…"

"And you don't mind? I mean we all deserve to shine at some point" I said trying to sound soft. I didn't want to offend her.

"I don't… I mean. I can handle it. That's what I do best. It's not… It's not always nice, but she just needs it more than I do"

"How so?" I asked sceptically.

Emily paused for a minute. She looked at her now extinguished fag before tossing it aside. She took a big breath and then looked back at me.

"Did you know I was the first to dye my hair red?"

"Really?" I said, even though I wasn't _that_ surprised.

"Yeah… It was our first year of Uni. I was finally out of College where I had had no real friends of mine and where everyone seemed to know me only as Katie's twin… I was ecstatic; it felt like a new beginning. Katie was going to a different Uni so I figured I'd be allowed to do what I wanted you know? I had always wanted to dye my hair red, don't ask me why I just wanted to. So before classes started, I bought some dye and just did it. I can still remember how fucking great it felt, like I was my own person for the first time you know?" Emily said her eyes shining.

"What happened then?" I asked curiously.

"Katie is what happened" Emily scoffed before stopping.

"Go on"

"Uni had started for maybe a month or two when the first long weekend came up. It was arranged we'd meet at mom's and have a family dinner. So I went down, sporting my new hair color proudly. When Katie saw it… well she wasn't happy"

"Why? Why would she even care? It's your hair isn't it?"

"Yes but I'm her twin. She threw such a fit that I'm sure the neighbours considered calling the police, she was yelling so much. She said I looked ridiculous and that people would make fun of me. I told her it wasn't the case but she wouldn't believe me. I got mad then and told her I didn't care if some people didn't like it. She full on started crying and told me that if I looked stupid she'd look stupid and that she had done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment from me."

"What? She actually cried?" I said surprised.

"Oh yes, and then mom got into it and blamed me for my sister's tears obviously. She sided with Katie and told me I should dye my hair back to brown. It broke my heart to do it, but I did. Katie hugged me and thanked me. The next time I saw her, she was sporting the red hair…"

Emily looked at her feet then. She seemed so small, so pained. She always did when she was retelling particularly shit stories.

"What did you do?" I asked sincerely curious.

"Nothing. Katie told me it looked better on her and that it didn't make _her_ look ridiculous because she had the personality to go with it. She's been dying it ever since"

"God that's awful. Didn't you feel cheated by her?" I spat out before I had a chance to stop myself.

Emily just shrugged.

"It's okay really"

"Why are you telling me then if it's okay?"

"So you can understand why I got mad in there" Emily said nodding to the club's entrance. "It's always like this with Katie and I, double standards and she gets to make the calls"

"And you just let her?"

"It's easier that way"

"Why not dye your hair back to red as well after she did it? She could have hardly argued no?"

Again, Emily shrugged.

"The red had become Katie's… It didn't feel like it was mine anymore. Besides, it does suit her really well"

Her eyes were empty as she said those words and she looked more than a little sad. Fuck I wanted to punch Katie in the schnoz just then. How could she not see that her behaviour was hurting her sister?

"Hey!" I said a bit loudly, taking a step towards Ems so I was about a foot away and slightly towering over her.

She wouldn't meet my eyes so I brought my right hand to her chin and lifted her face. Deciding to ignore the tingling feeling this contact with Ems had initiated, I smiled at her softly.

"I'm sure the red hair looked completely stunning on you" I muttered my eyes full of sincerity.

The brunette's lips formed a weak smile and her eyes seemed to light up a little. It wasn't satisfying enough so I continued.

"Don't you know how completely breathtaking you are?"

Emily gulped slowly and her eyes darkened. She wasn't smiling at all anymore but I could tell it wasn't because she was sad. She shook her head slowly. I couldn't help but lock my gaze with hers. And it wasn't just a regular eye lock either mind you, this felt fierce. Like we were trading secrets and lighting with our eyes.

"Well" I said even lower. "You really fucking are"

The petite girl didn't move for a moment and my heart accelerated. This was completely exhilarating, this feeling. She brought her hand to my arm and brushed her fingers almost tentatively against my skin. My breath hitched at her touch and I felt the hairs rise, but I didn't break the eye contact. She took her fingers off me, but kept them at about half an inch away. Somehow it was like I could still feel their presence on my skin. Like a multitude of electrodes was coursing through our close limbs ricocheting on each other, creating this indescribable energy. And this energy I could surely feel.

"I think you're beautiful too" Emily said in a whisper.

I hadn't expected it, so much so that I wondered if I had completely imagined it. But I couldn't have, not with the intense look on Emily's face. Oh deary me! Had she really just called me beautiful? What was I supposed to do now? I was actually impressed that I hadn't just crashed our lips together as a result. Her hand was still hovering above my arm and my head was throbbing with passion. Never in my life had I desired something as much as I desired Emily in that instant. I would have gladly fucked her in front of the other clubbers if I could have gotten away with it. My throat was aching and my tongue was rolling with the need to shout out my love for her. I wanted to just tell her how fucking mental head over heels I was for her. But I couldn't… I mean she was married… Somehow that excuse didn't sound as relevant to me as it had before. I thought of how I had wanted to stay away from her and everything but I couldn't understand why. Because she was happier without me? Was she? I was starting to have doubts about that fact. Not that I could judge much.

No, the actual reason why I was restraining myself so much was much less noble than that, I realized. Truth is, I was chicken shit scared of how she'd react if I made a move on her. Perhaps her life had its problems, but it was hers nonetheless. I knew her for barely a week in this reality. And let's not forget that she had forcefully rejected me in the last reality and possibly cheated on me in my own. So chances were that this Emily would react much better. I concluded it was best to remain friends. That way, everyone was safer.

"_Fucking coward"_ My brain complained.

I didn't listen and instead of the love declaration I wanted to say, I ended up saying with a chuckle:

"Fuck, I think the drugs have kicked in"

Emily seemed to snap out of a trance and let out a big breath.

"Yeah, yeah I think they have" she said.

In my defense, it wasn't a lie. I could feel my brain getting fuzzier and my surroundings disappearing and reappearing at will, or at least that's what it looked like to me. I took a step back before grabbing Emily's hand.

"Come on" I said. "Let's go dancing. Dancing is always _much_ better when you're off your tits"

She smiled at me as I tugged at her hand. She followed me back inside without difficulty. When we reached the dance floor, I did a quick sweep to find Cook and Katie but they were nowhere in sight.

"Where do you reckon they are?" I asked Emily, turning my head slightly to look at her.

She shrugged and I felt it in my arm. I noticed then that we were still holding hands. God this felt good, so _natural_.

"Probably shagging!" The petite said, her eyes glaring, her lips tight.

"Yeah…" I trailed off.

"Well fuck them!" Emily exclaimed forcefully. "Come on"

It was her turn then to pull on my hand as she dragged me to the dance floor. When we had made a way through the moving crowd to a fairly good spot, she turned around to face me, dropped my hand and started dancing. Of course I instantly missed touching her, but I wasn't about to let it show so I just started dancing too. I didn't give a fuck about anything as I threw my arms in the air and closed my eyes. I'm not sure if it was the drugs, the alcohol, the company or the amazing set, but this moment was perfect. The air was thick and heavy, coating my skin instantaneously with a layer of sweat, but I didn't care. I was completely lost in the rhythm, my soul and my body connecting in ways I had only ever experienced while having sex. Actually, it felt a bit like that at the moment, like my body was making love to the music, the beat reverberating in my brain, disreputably enticing and I was letting it inside me, making me pant and puff, making my nerve endings extremely sensitive and powerless to its omnipresence . I danced like that for a while, I don't even know how long. I was completely into the moment, one with the music. Then I remembered I had the luck of being in the best company there was.

I opened my eyes and clocked on Emily still dancing in front of me. Her eyes were closed at first, but only a few seconds later she had opened them as if she had sensed I was looking. She threw me a smile then, but not a shy and sheepish smile. Oh no, my perfect little bomb was way passed that stage now. Her smile was all teasing and coy now. She had her arms raised and slowly brought them down to her hair. She stared at me as she continued to move her hips in time with the music and descended her hands carefully around her neck. She left one there as the other made its way, ever so slowly, down to her collarbone and then down her cleavage, tracing the curve of her perfect tits with her fingers. I was still dancing, but my eyes were wide open following Emily's fingertips like I was a dying sinner and they'd be my salvation. With the amount of dirty thoughts her fingers triggered in me, I guess I actually _was_ a sinner. But if Emily Fitch was indeed my salvation, I'd sin for all I was worth.

Even over the music, I heard Emily's throaty laugh and snapped my eyes back to hers. They were positively beaming. If I had had any doubts then that Emily wasn't aware of what she was doing, they'd have exploded right here and now. She knew _exactly_ was kind of affect her little display had had on me and she had fucking loved every second of it. In this moment, gone was shy, uncomfortable Emily and in its place the sexy confident goddess I had known was back. Also, gone were my nice intentions or even my fright. I smirked at her and raised my eyebrow. If she wanted to play this game I would not deny her.

I took step towards her, coming within inches away from her moving form. I placed my hands on her hips without an ounce of hesitation and pulled her closer to me. Her body melded into mine automatically, her arms finding their rightful place behind my neck. As if we had been meant to dance together like this all night long, our movements settled and became naturally synchronised. The transition from solo to double had been made to perfection, like there hadn't even been any, like we had been dancing together without touching before. And maybe it was what we had been doing really and why it had felt so good and so much like making love.

I mused over a thousand thoughts, but not enough so I wouldn't enjoy this. And believe me when I say I was enjoying this immensely. I let my hands trace patterns on Emily's ribcage and in response she pulled me down even closer to her. I wasn't complaining. I stopped my movements on her ribcage, but slipped my arms behind her settling my hands just a few inches above her arse. We continued to dance mindlessly for a few minutes and Emily even let her head burry itself a little in the crook of my neck. I could feel her hot breath on my skin and I'm sure she could feel the goosebumps it was giving me. A hypothesis that was soon confirmed when she brought her lips to my ear and asked softly:

"Are you hot?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. The next second I could feel Emily blow a cool breath on my neck from my earlobe to my collarbone. I shivered violently and she chuckled. She drew me in closer again, letting her fingers play with the hair at the base of my neck before plugging one hand in my blonde locks and letting the other trail down the length of my back, connecting with my bare skin. I think I actually moaned at that point. Emily chuckled again, but it was her time to gasp when I lowered my hands right on her arse and continued to dance as if it was nothing. We were both panting and although we hadn't started grinding yet, I knew it wouldn't be much longer. Our hips were already locked, our pelvises so close they felt like they were glued. I wanted to push a thigh in between hers so bad and feel her rubbing herself against it as I was sure she would do. I wasn't thinking of anything else. I'm not sure what color sex and desire can be represented as but, whatever it was, I was sure as hell seeing everything in that very color. I had rarely been that turned on or experienced something quite as erotic as this moment even in my own reality. As sure as I had lost myself in the music earlier, I was now lost in a sea of brown eyes and brown hair and petite forms that were nothing short of perfection.

"Emily…" I whispered in her ear as we continued our sensual dancing.

She pulled her head back and I groaned in annoyance. She locked her gaze with mine and stared at me seriously. We slowed our movements without even noticing. Emily racked her eyes all over my face before taking her hand from my back and bringing it between us so that she could caress my cheek just like she had earlier in my office. I smiled at the contact. She moved her hand a bit then and let in wander elsewhere on my face. Of course, I let her. She followed the curve of my nose and my eyebrows and circled my cheeks with her thumb. She looked so serious it was almost scary. I was about to ask her "what is it" when she spoke.

"You look so _alike_" she croaked her eyes glazed over as if she wasn't there anymore but deep down somewhere inside her own head.

"What?" I asked, but Emily didn't reply.

She continued to stare and then suddenly buried her face in my neck again and resumed dancing. My body followed hers naturally, but I was frowning now.

"_Alike what?"_ my brain asked.

I opened my mouth to ask that very question when I felt Emily's soft lips make contact with my neck. The feeling was so electrifying that I whimpered loudly. My obvious appreciation seemed to spurge the little brunette on and she placed a second kiss to my neck, but this time a little bit more open, a little bit more forceful. My hand squeezed Emily's bum involuntarily and I groaned in pleasure. This was absolute heaven, absolute bliss. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs or the alcohol or simply Emily, but this felt fucking amazing. The petite continued her exploration of my neck with her lips in a slowly growing passion. She was frantic and when I felt the tip of her tongue, I came undone. I pulled her in as close as I could as she continued her assault. Her hands were buried in my hair, pulling them backwards a bit so that she could have better access to my neck. I could do nothing but moan and shiver in pleasure. My brain was completely blank, completely unable to form anything coherent expect take in the feel of Emily's lips and tongue on me. When I felt her teeth bite me softly before she kissed the sore spot, I spasms so hard I probably looked like a freak. Emily didn't seem to mind though and continued her kisses.

I was about to turn my head and replace my neck with my lips when Emily was forcefully yanked away from me.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK EMILY?" a completely furious Katie bellowed.

I saw the younger twin's eyes widen in shock as she clocked on to her sister's sudden appearance. I felt the sudden urge to leap forward and wrap Emily in my arms because she looked petrified, but before I had had time to move, Katie grabbed her unceremoniously by the arm and dragged her off the dance floor.

"Why the fuck do you always have to ruin everything!" I heard Katie say before they disappeared from my sight.

I stared in disbelief at the spot they had disappeared from, too shocked myself to move. I was still on the buzz of having had Emily all over me and I swear I could still feel her lips on my skin. I should have been glad that I had had the luxury of being close and intimate with Emily in any way, but as I felt the feeling of loss take over my lungs and the incredibly painful feeling of emptiness swallow me whole, I felt like refuting that thought. I had gone from feeling a 100 to 0 in a matter of seconds and the crashing back down to earth was harsh. Too harsh. My body trembled violently. My lungs weren't functioning properly either. That was not how it should have happened. Oh fuck… What was going to happen now?

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… **Yeah well, it was already big enough as it was! So I had to cut it somewhere! And yes this was the most convenient spot :) That or I'm a bitch for cliffhangers. WTv. Please lemme feel the love ok? :P I'd like to know your thoughts on this latest installment. Did I lose ya along the way or are you still reading (possibly enjoying) this? Anyhow, thanks for reading!**

**Cheers! **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I'm so sorry! I know this is the longest it's ever taken me to update and I can only apologize! Fear not though I have not abandoned it! I still have every intention of finishing it! To be honest, it's not even that I wasn't writing! You'll be glad to know that Ems and I have started doing more concrete stuff for the collab (aka we've started writing a bit) It's still in the early stages but I was quite busy writing for that for a while! But here is the new update and I hope you'll enjoy it! It's rather long so I hope it will make up for the long wait! **

**As always, thank you so MUCH to my lovely reviewers! You guys are pure gold :) And believe it or not, every single review makes me write faster! This is all for you! xxx Enjoy**

Manifolds

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Chp. 25

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"Naomi!" I heard a voice say, but I couldn't really focus.

"Naomi!" It repeated, a bit more forcefully.

Naomi… What? Who was that? And why was this person asking me about a Naomi? I was confused and then my brain snapped back into place. Oh right. I was Naomi.

"NAOMI!" Cook yelled a last time effectively pulling me completely out of my momentary catatonia.

"Fuck! Sorry… What?" I asked looking into my friend's worried eyes.

"You okay?" he asked his eyebrows knitted in concern.

"Yeah sure" I mumbled.

My throat was tight, but I didn't want Cook to notice. Of course, he did anyway.

"Come on" he said loudly to be heard over the music, but keeping his tone a soft as possible.

He grabbed my hand, intertwined his fingers with mine and began to make his way through the crowd. I followed him like a helpless little puppet until we were safely outside. Cook let go of my hand and fished a pack of fags out of his back pocket. He offered me one that I took gingerly before placing his own between his lips and lighting it. He tossed me the lighter so I could do the same. As we took a simultaneous drag and let it out, Cook took a step closer to me and hooked his right arm with my left. I gripped him tightly, happy for the contact. I was still feeling pretty fucked from the whole ordeal with Emily and Katie dragging her out. I was also still a bit high and drunk and given the circumstances, it wasn't helping.

Cook started walking and I followed. We walked in silence the whole way back to the Fishpond, smoking more than one fag each. Once there, we made our way upstairs to Keith's office as quietly as possible. I sat on the futon, feeling a bit like a shell, an empty shell that is. Cook cocked me an eyebrow before quietly taking off his t-shirt. I looked at him in surprise and he chuckled.

"Don't worry lover, I ain't gonna try to shag ya tonight" he assured me.

He walked over to a dirty old rucksack in a corner that I hadn't spotted at first. He rummaged in it for a second before pulling out an old black T-shirts with blue braces printed on the front. He threw it in my direction.

"Don't reckon you thought of pj's. I promise it's clean." he explained. "Well, as clean as my shit can be" he added as an afterthought.

I smiled and nodded.

"I won't promise I won't wank while smelling it later though" he continued.

Fucking way to ruin the moment. I rolled my eyes.

"Tosser"

He chortled and shrugged.

"I'll go clean up a little" he said and walked to the adjoining washroom.

I quickly changed out of my top and jeans and pulled on the t-shirt. It was big enough that it fell a little way passed my arse. This would have to do. Anyway, I was wearing regular black knickers, so I didn't mind if Cook saw them. A few minutes later, Cook was walking out of the washroom and I went in. I took a few minutes to take off my make-up and brush my teeth with a finger. I looked at my reflection and cringed a little. I looked as shitty as I felt. The bags under my eyes were as big as ever, my hair was a mess and my eyes were red. Great.

I walked back into the room to find that Cook had pulled out the futon into a mattress and thrown some old duvet over it with two pillows. He was standing in only a pair of tight old black boxers and had turned his head to me when the washroom door had opened. He threw his arms wide and grinned at me.

"Honey your bed awaits!" he said finding himself far too amusing.

I couldn't help but smile and shake my head at his antics. I walked to the futon and lay down. It was a good thing, I decided, as I felt a familiar wave of fatigue engulf me. Today had been a fucking long day and I wasn't all that sorry it was over. Cook rummaged in his rucksack a bit before pulling out a tin. He quickly extracted a spliff before closing the tin again, throwing it away in his rucksack and joining me on the futon. He sparked the spliff and took a few drags before passing it to me. I was hesitant at first (I was feeling fucked enough as it was) but Cook assured me it would help with the coming down from the pill that was bound to come soon so I took it. We smoked for a bit passing the spliff between each other like it was the most natural thing in the world, like we had done it yesterday. I guess it was a bit of the essence of me and Cook, even though we hadn't smoked together in years in my reality and hadn't even seen each other in longer in this one, lying down on that futon together and smoking weed was just natural. We didn't need any kind of preparation or a formal event or even a few weeks to get acclimated, not between us.

"You fancy that Emily lass don't you?" Cook said knowingly, breaking the silence.

It was nice that he was so true to himself. Never one to beat around the bush Cook was. I nodded curtly and he gave me a ghost of a smile.

"So, what's stopping you then? You've already said you don't love that wife of yours proper" He asked.

"It's more complicated than that… I'm still married. And So is she, she's married… To a man might I add…"

"She sure seemed to like the looks of you though" my friend cut me off a sly grin now gracing his lips.

I couldn't help but reciprocate.

"Yeah?" I inquired.

"Sure mate, She practically jumped you, didn't she? I reckon you'll have to check that neck of yours for a hickey tomorrow. So, why don't you go after her then? You clearly want to…"

"I can't" I said frowning again. "I just… can't" I croaked.

"Why?"

"She's… happy. I've seen her with her husband. She loves him. I'm just a fuck up Cook. As much as I ever was. I just look a bit better" I finished.

"Babes, we're all fuck ups in the end. Maybe that's how the little one feels too ya know?"

"I wouldn't be good for her" I said more to myself then him.

"Don't you think you should let her decide that?"

"What if she makes the wrong choice and it ruins her life? I can't have her risk everything when I don't even know what I can give her instead…"

Cook was quiet for a moment next to me. I could tell though that he was just formulating his words in his head. He wasn't done with this conversation.

"Have you ever considered… What if she hasn't really got a life eh? And you're the one who can like, help her have one? I don't know much 'bout her and that husband of hers Babes, but I sure as hell know about passion and looks and all that bollocks and from the way she was looking at you tonight, even before she went leech style on your neck, and the way you were looking back… Those kinds of looks don't just go around being thrown in every corner. It's real connection that is mate, nearly palpable and all. You might want to consider that"

Cook was quiet after that and I knew he was done. I knew he wasn't expecting me to reply either and I didn't intend on replying anyway, but I let myself ponder on his words anyway. People really never gave the boy enough credit. He really was fucking smart in his own way and certainly knew much more about life than he let on. I thought back on the way Emily had looked tonight, on the way it had felt to hold her close to me, how it had felt like our hearts were beating in unison, creating the most beautiful melody. Cook was right, that kind of connection _wasn't_ given to just anyone and the kind of connection I had with Emily certainly wasn't comparable to anything else I had ever experienced. And that connection seemed to be present in every reality, even the last… With Emily's wedding and ultimate rejection I hadn't been able to consider this reality, but now, looking back on it, I wasn't as sure about the whole ordeal. Yes, Emily had said she didn't love me… I'd never fucking forget it. But had she really meant it? I focused my brain to go back to this unpleasant moment for the first time and frowned. Her voice had sounded so weak and broken as she said the words and I had been able to see so much turmoil in her eyes… I thought back on that kiss we had shared at the aquarium. Hadn't it been completely characteristic of us, completely earth shattering? And what about Emily and that stripper at her hen party? Hadn't she chosen the blue eyed blonde? Hadn't she cried? What if Emily had felt it there as well, this stupidly strong attraction we both seemed to harbour for each other no matter what? Sure the circumstances were rather shit and, if I looked at it objectively, I could understand why Emily hadn't called off the wedding just for me. But even with all of that, hadn't the connection still been there?

And in this reality, I had been so inclined to believe she'd want nothing to do with me and would be much happier without me that I hadn't even stopped to really think about it. I mean, _she_ had kissed _me_ tonight and not the other way around. Of course there was the drug factor to consider as we were both pretty fucked… But then there had been that look just before she had attached her lips to my neck. That look and that statement. I frowned as I remembered it.

_You look so alike_

Alike to what? Or I guess to whom? What had that meant? And what about the dancing in itself? I had never danced like that with anyone before, not even my Emily. This dance had been so incredibly sexy I could feel my pulse quickening at the thought of it. When I had danced with the petite brunette and held her close to me, it hadn't felt like it was wrong or like she was uncomfortable. She had even gasped when I had grabbed her arse. Surely that had to mean something? Maybe…

I felt a slow smile crawl on my lips then and felt happier than I had felt since coming to this reality. Maybe I had gotten it wrong after all? What if Emily _wasn't_ happy with her husband, what if she was just too afraid to admit it? Or what if she did love him, but I could still make her feel something more just like she could do me? What if I could make her life better?

These new thoughts were alluring for sure, but also very terrifying. Alluring because my heart was leaping at the thought of me and Emily sharing something mutually as ostentatious for each other, but also terrifying because they came with so many more questions. What if I _wasn't_ wrong about her being happier? What if the kisses and gasps had only been an effect of the alcohol and drug consumption? I was a weak girl and I didn't know if I could have Emily reject me twice. Not when her last rejection still ringed loud and clear in my head even if I was starting to doubt the sincerity of it. Truth was, it had still hurt more than anything I had ever experience to hear her say those words and I had never been the brave one after all. Even if there was a possibility of Emily feeling attracted to me here, what about Jim? And also, what about Sam?

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. I'd have to think about this in the morning. My body was exhausted and sore and my mind wasn't much better. Cook was lying on his back next to me, looking at the ceiling, his hands behind his head. I turned slightly to look at him before asking:

"So? Did you shag Katie then?"

Cook turned his face to me, an amused smirk on his lips.

"Aww Naoms, a gentleman never kisses and tells" he said in a drawl.

"You're not a gentleman" I stated.

My friend was silent for a second.

"That's a really good point! Yes I did fuck her good and proper, her tits are fucking fantastic naked"

"Jesus!" I exclaimed laughing.

"I'm telling you Nai, she was playing difficult to get but she was fuckin' gagging for it. Couldn't get enough of my-"

"Cook!" I cut him off. "Ever heard the expression too much information? A simple yes would have sufficed!"

"Fair enough" The man said with a shrug. "I thought you'd want to know how she was in the sack"

"Why would I want to know _that_?" I asked bemused.

"Cuz you want to nip her twin and maybe they're alike"

I laughed again and punched Cook for good measure. He laughed along before pulling his arms out from behind his head and placing one over my shoulders. He tugged and brought me closer to him. I shuffled until my head was resting on his chest moving slowly to the pace of his breathings. I closed my eyes and put an arm around his waist. It was really comforting to be close to Cook like that. I smiled to myself. We were silent for a moment until Cook spoke.

"Your tits feel fucking mint on me skin. Sure you don't want a willy waggle?"

"Fuck off Cook" I said in a bored voice. "You better not have a boner when I wake up, you wanker"

"Can't make no promises Blondie, but if I do, I swear you'll be proper impressed"

"Goodnight Cook" I said smiling.

"Night Babes"

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I woke up the next morning still clutching Cook's waist. My friend had both his arms around me and I have to admit I was feeling fucking safe. I brought a hand up to rub my eyes and felt Cook shift as well.

"Morning" he muttered groggily.

"Morning" I replied pulling myself out of his embrace. "Slept well?"

"Always when I've got a beautiful bird in me arms" Cook said with a smirk.

I laughed before sitting on the futon. My head was spinning a bit and I would be lying if I said I was feeling completely fine. Cook was looking a little bit worse for wear as well, but I felt sure he would probably be fine in a matter of minutes. As if on cue, he got up energetically and pulled on a pair of pants. He rummaged inside his rucksack and pulled out his polo t-shirt from last night before sniffing it and putting it on. I giggled.

"Charming"

"Thanks Naomio, I try"

I giggled some more.

"Care for breakfast then Blondie babes?"

I nodded and proceeded to get up myself. I took my jeans from the night before and pulled them on. I didn't bother changing the T-shirt. It was comfortable enough and besides, hangover days always felt better if you wore loose comfy clothes. At least they did for me.

A few minutes later, we walked down into the pub and ordered a perfectly greasy breakfast. The food arrived in no time and we started eating without further ceremony. Cook was being is usual loud self, joking around, making me laugh. I wasn't paying much attention though. To be honest, on top of a slight headache, I was feeling a little blue. I kept replaying last night's events in my head and my conversation with Cook. In the light of the new day, it seemed clear to me that Emily had had to have felt some kind of connection too. I wasn't as convinced as Cook seemed to be, but he was right, from the way she had behaved, she did seem somewhat into me. This was making everything so complicated though. Not that I wouldn't have been the happiest woman if she did have feelings for me, because I would have, but I couldn't help thinking of the complications.

First on my list was Sam. Sam who I had promptly wanted to forget all about the night before was annoyingly in the front of all my thoughts. So I didn't love her properly, that much had been officially clarified. I was still with her, married to her. And I felt this overwhelming feeling I owed her something. That and the fact that I felt like I didn't have the right to fuck it up with her because this wasn't _my_ reality. Wasn't I obliged to preserve its authenticity? I was just a traveller wasn't I? But then I had absolutely no idea if I'd ever go back to my reality or, god forbid, another one. I really hoped I wouldn't have to deal with another completely different world. I wasn't sure I could do this a third time. So if I was truly stuck here, shouldn't I just make it my own? Did that imply I had to break it off with Sam? Were we at that point yet? And if I did, would that mean anything at all? Would I just go for Emily? No… I couldn't do that… Or could I? Did she want me to?

"Blondie" Cook called out breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Just chill out Babes. Your brain's gonna burn by the end of breakfast"

I gave him a weak smile.

"I know there's lots of thinking going on now, but just try to relax now yeah? Things will settle themselves"

"Not a very proactive way of thinking…"

The man shrugged.

"I supposed. Don't have to be proactive all the time though. Seems a bit exhausting, innit?"

I nodded. I guess he had a point there. Planning everything _was_ pretty exhausting and pretty pointless. But I was a thinker me and it was hard to let go. My thoughts went back to Emily. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened last night after Katie had dragged her out. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she as hungover as I was? Did she remember our night? Did she regret it? Was Katie giving her hell for it?

We kept eating in silence after that. We didn't have much to say to each other. Well, Cook could probably have talked his way through breakfast, but I think he had sensed my need for silence and was respecting it. Bless him. We were nearly done and Cook was about to speak when my cellphone started ringing.

"Hello?" I answered not recognizing the caller ID.

"Hi Naomi!" said the unmistakable voice of Katie Fitch.

"Oh hi Katie!" I said my voice squeaking in surprise.

Of all the calls I could have gotten, a call from Katie was about the last thing I would have expected. Cook's head shut up at the mention of the girl's name and he cocked me an eyebrow. I shrugged at him.

"So I was wondering if you had some free time this afternoon, if you have, would you like to grab a coffee with me?"

I frowned at the question. This was just so weird. Katie asking me to go for coffee? Really?

"Hum... Yeah sure, I'm not busy" I said.

Well I guess technically I was supposed to go to work, but I had already planned on calling Paul to tell him I wasn't going to show up.

"Great!" Katie replied enthusiastically.

"Aren't you in London though?" I inquired.

"Not yet"

"Okay"

I wanted to ask her about Emily, but didn't dare. We quickly made arrangements to meet at a local coffee shop that was well known for its lattes and comfy couches in two hours and hung up.

"Meeting Katiekins then?" Cook stated more than asked.

"Seems like it"

"I thought you had the hots for the other twin, although if you've changed your mind, I can guarantee Katie is a fantastic shag"

"Shove it Cook"

"Or maybe you're trying to pull both eh? I'm telling you Naomio, if you pull that off I will worship you forever. How fucking awesome would that shag be?"

"I'm _not_ trying to pull either of them!"

"Really? My friend said sceptically.

"Really!"

"Well correct me if I'm wrong, but if our dear Katie hadn't walked in right when she had, you would have snog the life outta that Emily bird" Cook said grinning. "Hard" he added as an afterthought.

I felt my face heat up and I was pretty sure I was beetroot red.

"I wasn't…" I tried to defend myself, but it was no use.

Cook laughed loudly, throwing his head back for good measures. My face was still hot and flustered.

"Stop it" I begged but the man only laughed louder.

"Naomi you're the worse liar when it comes to that little lass. She's got you good hasn't she?"

There was a glint in his eyes and I could tell he just _knew_. So I guess denying was out of the question.

"Yeah… yeah she has" I confirmed.

He nodded more to himself than anything before adding.

"No worries though lover, I don't think she realizes it herself"

And with that, Cook got up, winked at me and left, leaving completely baffled at the table.

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Two hours later, I was standing outside the coffee shop where I was meant to meet Katie. After Cook had left me at the table, I had called Paul, who was ever so pleasant, tosser, had taken a quick shower before getting dressed back in my jeans and Cook's T-shirt. I had tried to fix my hair a little, but it still looked a right mess. I had been forced to wear heels since I had nothing else around but could have gladly killed for sneakers. I had hung out with Cook a little while before he had declared he had errands to run. I had the feeling I didn't want to know about those errands.

And then here I was, fidgeting in front of the place, debating if I should wait outside or find a spot inside. In the end, I walked inside the place, ordered a cup of tea and went to sit in a corner. I was nervous. No that's not right, this was an understatement. I was shitting myself. Last time I had been in a coffee shop with Katie, she had told me to stay the fuck away from Emily. That and the JJ part I tried not to think about if I could avoid it. Okay so technically, Katie and I had had other coffee meetings in my own reality and they had mostly been pleasant, but this wasn't my reality. And the fact that Katie had caught Ems sucking on my neck with my hands all over her the night before didn't help me feeling more relaxed about this. I waited for what felt like hours but was probably more along the lines of a few minutes when Katie finally walked in.

She looked as fresh as ever, her make up perfectly done and her hair tied neatly into a ponytail. You wouldn't have believed she had been out the night before. She was wearing dark grey leggings with a pale grey and black stripped tunic that went down to a bit above her knees. She had opted for bright red flats and I was again reminded of the uncomfortable heels in my own feet. She spotted me easily, gave me a kind smile and a wave before going to the cash to order something and finally joining me at the table.

"Good afternoon!" she said happily.

"Hi" I replied with a tight lipped smile.

She seemed to be in a good enough mood and not about to crucify me, but I could never be too sure with Katie Fitch. She had her sneaky ways and I didn't want to let my guard down.

"I'm so glad you agreed to meet with me today Naomi"

"Of course"

"Actually, babes, can I be honest with you?" She said looking serious.

"Hum… yeah go ahead" I replied a bit wearily.

"I wanted to talk to you about something"

"What about?" I asked trying to sound as innocent as I could muster.

"It's about my sister, Emily"

"I see…" I trailed off looking down at my mug.

Suddenly, the brownish coloured liquid seemed really interesting. Katie cleared her throat and I looked at her again.

"I'm really sorry about my sister's behaviour" Katie said with the most serious expression.

Wait what? My eyes probably popped out of my head then. Was Katie actually apologizing to me? For what?

"Humm…" I babbled, unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences.

"I know she was completely out of line and probably like jumped on you or something so I'm really sorry" Katie continued.

I continued to stare. I couldn't believe this was happening, that these words were coming out of Katie's mouth. Could you blame me? Last time Katie had caught Emily and I was in my reality and it was a slightly clumsy first kiss in a shitty garden and she had gone apes over it. And I had been the one blamed, not Emily. Katie had been all keen about accusing me of being a dirty lezzer and what not. And now, in a reality where I was actually out as a lesbian (not that I particularly enjoyed the labelling), she was blaming her sister? What the hell was wrong with this reality?

"She's not gay though" Katie continued.

"Aye?"

"Emily, she's not gay or anything, she was just munted like really off her tits"

Katie stopped to look around before continuing in a lower voice.

"Those pills Cook hooked us with were really something. Emsy doesn't usually take drugs so it had a really big effect on her"

"Right"

"So yeah, I'm sorry about her behaviour. Don't worry though, I told her she should be ashamed and all. I think she got the message not to be a fucking weirdo again"

I clenched my teeth in anger. How could Katie speak of Emily in such a derisive manner? Didn't she have any kind of respect for her?

"I can't _believe_ she went all lezza on you!" Katie continued completely oblivious to my less than warm reaction. "She's such a tit sometimes! Doesn't think for two seconds!"

Deep breaths, deep breaths…

"I mean it's bloody ridiculous because she's just not gay. Not that I have anything against that Babes, you're a real muff muncher and you're successful and all, but Emily isn't gay, she's just stupid"

Katie stopped to take a sip of her drink and I think I was properly fuming.

"Are you alright Hun?" the redhead said finally noticing my expression.

I tried to shrug it off, because I couldn't speak for fear of exploding.

"Oh god Naomi, are you like real mad at Ems or something?"

WHAT? Okay Katie was being ridiculously dim. How could she not see I was mad at _her_?

"No!" I exclaimed forcefully.

"Oh good!" the redhead said sounding relieved. "She's like real sorry you know. She was so out of it last night started weeping about how you'd never want to speak to her again because she acted like a weirdo"

"She didn't…" I said calmly.

"Oh please Naoms, no need to tone it down for me, I know she was, but like, she won't do it again so that's that"

"I wasn't, it really wasn't a big deal" I said more forcefully.

Katie eyed me curiously for a few seconds before speaking. She didn't seem quite as nice and lovely anymore though.

"Eh you're aware you're married yeah?" she said finally.

I took a deep breath. I had a decision to make here. I could confront Katie or not. After all I knew she had slept with Cook and she was very much married herself. I decided not to opt for this card though as it would have probably backfired on Cook anyway and I didn't fancy dealing with an angry Katie.

"Of course. We were just dancing weren't we? Friends are allowed to dance"

Katie eyed me again. I could tell she was calculating her answer as well.

"Do you often let your friends suck on your neck then?" she asked in a false friendly voice.

"Just the special ones" I shot back immediately.

"Emily isn't gay. She's got a husband" Katie repeated a flash of annoyment passing in her eye.

"I'm aware of that thank you"

"This won't happen again" the redhead said almost challengingly.

I didn't feel the need to reply and just smirked at the other girl. Katie seemed furious. The conversation had clearly shifted and if Katie had been all ready to accuse Emily, she didn't seem so sure now.

"I think it would be best if you and Emsy took a moment off each other for a while"

"Yeah? Is that what Emily thinks too?" It was my turn to be challenging this time.

Katie frowned. I know pissing her off wasn't wise, but I really couldn't help myself.

"Yes it is" she said forcefully.

"You sure about that?" I asked feeling the slight feeling of the Déjà Vu.

Had I not spoken those very words to Jenna at some point?

"Listen Naomi! I don't know what you think you're insinuating, but Emily isn't a fucking lezza okay!"

"I'm not insinuating anything Katie, but I think you are. I was merely saying that Emily and I are friends"

"Yeah, well stay this way!"

"Are you scared the big bad lezzer is gonna corrupt your sister now? I thought you were blaming _her_ for jumping _me_"

"I'm not! I'm not accusing or blaming anyone, but that dancing was weird okay? You shouldn't have danced like that with each other! Fuck knows what would have happened if I hadn't shown up! Just stay away from her for a while!"

"Jesus Katie, if I want to hang out with Emily I will!" I growled.

I wasn't an impressionable 17 year old now. I could fight back.

"She's _my_ fucking twin! Just give her a break!"

"Right" I scoffed.

"She's not gay!" Katie shouted.

"I think you've mentioned that once or twice already"

"Well, fucking get it alright?"

"I get it"

"You do?" she asked surprised.

"Of course. Did you ever think I was confused?"

"I… Whatever. Anyway, this was nice and all but I've got to get back to London"

"Sure"

Katie got up and started to prepare to leave when I spoke again.

"Katie…" I trailed off.

When she looked at me I continued.

"What would you do if she was?"

I smiled at her softly because I didn't want her to think I was asking just to confront her. I was simply curious by that point. A wave of different emotions flashed through her eyes before she set her jaw and replied angrily:

"Well she isn't so that hardly matters"

I nodded slowly and let the redhead leave the coffee shop.

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After the encounter, I didn't particularly know what to do but just go home. I wasn't really keen on the idea really because I didn't really want to have to deal with Sam. Katie had unnerved me with the whole Emily deal. I was wondering more than ever what had happened after Katie had dragged her out of the club. Had Emily said some things for Katie to react so strongly? Did Emily really didn't want to see me for a while?

I guess there was no real way to know that at the moment though. I trailed off home and if I had gone any slower I would have gone backwards. I eventually did make it to my flat though and quickly unlocked the door before walking in. At first glance, it looked quite empty and I have to admit I was relieved. I just wanted to hop in the shower and possibly drown before coming out and falling into bed for a few more hours of sleep. Obviously, I wasn't that lucky.

I had barely set foot in the hall when I came face to face with Sam. She was leaning on the doorway to the living room, her arms crossed, her expression cold. Her red hair was a bit of a mess, her eyes were red and she was wearing a large white t-shirt with old grey leggings. I stopped in my tracks and faced her. I really didn't want to have this conversation, but everything in Sam's body language was telling me we were going to have it regardless of my feelings on the matter.

"Hi" she spoke in a hoarse voice.

"Hi" I replied weakly, lamely even.

"Had fun?" She asked slowly letting her gaze travel my body. "Whose shirt is that?"

"It's Cook's…"

She nodded. She still looked very stiff. I didn't really know what to say. This was awkward. Beyond awkward even. I was very much uncertain how to proceed. With Emily, whenever we had fought, things just seemed to sort themselves. Not that they would sort themselves on their own magically (as if!) but we'd always manage to talk things through. The talks always happened naturally and I had never felt like either of us had to force it. This time though, everything felt wrong. I didn't know if I should speak or let her. Was I supposed to apologize? Did I have to apologize? Okay so I had walked out on her, but she had insulted my friend. How else was I supposed to react?

"Don't you have anything to say?" Sam asked, her voice levelled, controlled.

"Is there anything you want to hear?" I asked, just as coldly.

"That's not how it's supposed to work" She scoffed.

"Tell me how you want this to work then"

"For fuck's sake Naomi, would it be that hard for you to even try?"

I was startled by her sudden anger. I guess I wasn't being very helpful.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how we're supposed to do this"

"Do what exactly?"

"Fight, reconcile, either or both"

"We just talk"

"I know _that_ I just don't know about what. What are you expecting of me?"

"I just want you to be you! Is that so hard to understand? Why do you always think I expect things of you?"

I shrugged.

"I'm so sick of this fighting" Sam stated, her voice thick with emotion.

I close my eyes. I felt the common feeling of guilt rip me up inside.

"And you don't even seem to care" she continued.

"I'm sorry" I said lamely.

"It's not enough anymore"

"What isn't?"

"You being sorry"

"What else can I do?"

"You need to try"

We stared at each other in silence.

"Do you even want to?" Sam said her voice so small it was nearly inaudible.

I shrugged again. When Sam's eyes filled with tears I felt the need to add something else.

"I don't know how"

"What do you mean you don't know how?"

"How to try. Shouldn't it come naturally?" I asked, pleading almost.

"Apparently not…" Sam replied shaking her head.

I stayed silent and so did Sam after that. She searched my gaze and I avoided hers for a full minute before giving in. When our eyes locked, I could see every conflicting emotion swirl in her brown pools. She loved me, that I was sure of, but she wasn't happy. As I looked into her sad orbs, I realized I didn't want to fuck up. I didn't want to make a harsh or rushed decision. This woman in front of me was real, she was a real full-fledged human being. She wasn't just a body, a physical obstacle thrown in my life. She had a mind and ideas. She had a soul and feelings. She had a smile and a laugh. She had everything to make anyone the happiest person possible. The question was, was this person me, could it be me? Because this was what it came down to in the end. Did I think I could be with Sam? And when I said with her, I meant _with_ her. Could I devote myself to her and forget everything about Emily?

Could I really do that? Things between Emily and I weren't great, actually, they weren't much of anything at all. We still seemed to share a deep connection, but we hardly knew each other in this reality. Not that it mattered much to me. I personally always felt like I had always known her. But the fact remained that we were nothing, not really. Sam and I were married. But was a title really more powerful than the feelings I had for Emily?

"_No"_ my brain provided automatically.

No indeed. My feelings for Emily were greater than this, than anything. I was married and so was she. It was messy, it was complicated, but I wanted it regardless. I already knew what my guts were telling me, but my brain wouldn't let me make a decision without time. So that's exactly what I settled for.

"I need time" I said.

Sam looked at me for a long time. It felt like an eternity. I could see every inch of conflict in her eyes. To my horror, they filled with tears. I admired her a bit then for letting thick tears fall down her eyes and coat her cheeks. She wasn't ashamed of her feelings even if they weren't very nice at the moment. She was hurting and she wasn't scared of showing it. That was so much more than I had ever been able to. I walked to her and took her in my arms gently because I didn't know what else to do. She let me take her and hug her close. I didn't try to kiss her and even if I did, I don't think she would have allowed me. She cried silently in my arms for a bit. If it hadn't been for the constant shaking of her body and the occasional big intake of breath, I might have thought she had stopped crying altogether. She stepped back after a while, a bit more composed. She scanned my face, as if trying to remember how it was, like it was the last time she'd ever have the chance to look at it properly. She stepped on her tip toes and gave me a ghost of a kiss on the lips before pressing another one on my cheek. With that, she left and walked upstairs. A second later, I heard a door close.

I took he time to realize the gravity of the situation before moving. I wasn't stupid and neither was Sam. We both knew that me needing time wasn't something positive. Chances were Sam probably believed I'd ask for a divorce any day now. Truth is I just didn't know what I wanted to do. I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine. It wasn't very late, but I needed it. I walked back to the living room and sat on our fancy leather couch. I drank slowly, silently, doing nothing else. I could have, but I didn't want to. This was such a mess, but I had to start sorting it out. I couldn't just let things happen anymore. I needed to be more active.

I don't know how long I sat there, sipping my wine occasionally, just thinking. It might have been an hour, it might have been more. After a while though, I took my cellphone out and dialled the number of the only person I wanted to talk to at the moment. It rang three times before I got an answer. The relief that flooded me then was overwhelming.

"_Hey hi!"_ the familiar voice of Emily chanted.

"Hey, am I catching you at a bad time?"

"_No not at all!"_

"Good" I said with a smile.

I swear there was something magic in Emily's husky tones. No matter how upset and bothered and sad or whatever I was, it always calmed me right back to how I needed to be.

"_I'm really glad you called actually"_ Emily said a bit sheepishly.

"Yeah? Well I'm glad I called then"

I knew I had a stupid soppy smile on my face now. This is what Emily always did to me.

"_I thought you would be mad at me"_ she admitted. _"After what happened last night…"_

"I'm not" I clarified.

"_Kay said you'd be…"_

"She was wrong I assure you"

"_Ok, I'm relieved. I'm sorry…"_

"What for?" I asked.

"_For… you know… How things hum… turned out"_ She babbled uncomfortably.

"It's okay Emily. You have nothing to apologize for"

"_But I do. I acted like a tit. I shouldn't have… jumped you like that"_

"Emily stop. Honestly it's fine"

"_No but… I know you're married and I mean I am too and well I know we were both trollied and all, but I'm still sorry, it shouldn't have happened"_ Emily continued quickly.

My heart was deflating a bit at her words (was she regretting it that much?), but I reminded myself of Katie's attitude earlier. If Emily had spent the rest of last night with her sister, the fact that she was reacting like this was no surprise.

"Listen Emily, it's ok, alright? Don't worry about it, yeah?"

"_Yeah ok. Thanks" _

"Maybe we could go for coffee or something? That way you'd see it's really fine" I said in a cheery voice.

"_Seriously? You want to see me?"_ Emily asked surprised.

"Of course! We're friends aren't we?"

"_Yeah!"_ the petite piped up obviously happy now. _"I'm so relieved you're not mad. I was scared you wouldn't want to see me anymore and well… I like being with you…"_

I couldn't see her obviously but I felt sure that Emily was probably blushing furiously after that admission. I could hear it in her voice.

"I like being with you too" I reassured her.

We didn't talk much about anything important after that. Emily told me a bit about her ride back to London and how horrible she had felt this morning. I told her about Cook and Katie and she scoffed loudly. It was so easy to talk to her, I wished it never had to stop. But of course, we had to hang up eventually. We had been chatting when I heard someone opening the door and call out for Emily.

"_Oh shit Naomi, that's Jim, I really have to go!" _Emily said in a hurried and slightly panicked voice.

"It's ok, I'll text you for that coffee okay?" I asked really hoping she wouldn't blow me off.

"_Yes! I'll look forward to it"_ she replied in the most beautiful voice.

A few seconds later, we had said our goodbyes and hung up. I sighed heavily as I stared at my cellphone. The moment the contact was cut, I already missed it. I missed her, I missed Emily. I sighed again. For all I knew Sam could have walked out of the flat and I wouldn't have noticed. It amazed me how the rest of the world seemed to dissolve when Emily was around.

I got up from the couch and made my way upstairs slowly. A shower would certainly be nice. When I got close to the door, I was confirmed that Sam was still there. Although not in the nicest of ways. I stopped dead in my tracks when I first heard the sound of her crying. I stood immobile in front of our bedroom door and listened in despite myself. I felt like a voyeur, like I was intruding in her personal moment even if I couldn't see her. To say that she was crying was a bit of an understatement. She was weeping and loudly. I could hear the pain in her choked sobs and it was horrible. The guilt rose up in my chest like a monster and gripped my aching heart. I hated myself for having caused those tears. I walked right back down and out the front door. I called JJ and asked him if I could crash at his. To my relief he accepted. This situation was a mess and I needed time to get my head around it and I knew that going to Jay's was a way of running away, but just for tonight, running away would have to be acceptable.

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I had gone to work the next day and gone back home after that. The tension between Sam and I had reached gigantic heights. We barely spoke or looked at each other anymore. It had been 2 weeks since I had asked her for time and I knew she was waiting for me to initiate a conversation. Despite my good will and wanting to sort myself out, it wasn't as easy as I would have hoped. I found it much easier to avoid the situation altogether and go back to what I knew best. Most days I'd work really late and Sam was already in bed when I'd get in. I hadn't seen Emily in the past two weeks regretfully. I missed her terribly, but most days, we'd call each other and talk for long period of times. Those moments were the best part of my days. Every time we hung up I felt like a 5 ton weight was dropped back on my shoulders. JJ didn't ask but I knew he could tell something was wrong. Even Paul could see I was a bit blue, although he focused more on the fact that I wasn't as bitchy as usual. I had hung out with Cook a few times and he was nice enough not to bring the subject back up.

It was a Tuesday and I had wanted to stay after work again. In my defence there was a bit of research I needed to do and I could never be too prepared, but JJ had bollocked me into going home.

"Naomi, you've been working too hard for the past 2 weeks, you need to go home. I know that you are probably avoiding home because of your partner, I mean, statistically speaking it is the most common reason why people avoid their house along with children and well you haven't got children, but you should still go and rest a little. Whatever is happening with Sam, avoidance has been proven in numerous researches not to be of any help"

That evening when Jay drove me home I had every intention to talk to Sam at least a little. My friend gave me an encouraging smile before driving off and I walked to the main door with a bit of resolve. When I opened the door, I instantly knew that something was wrong. There was a soft music coming from upstairs and when I turned to look around me, I noticed 2 pairs of heels by the door. I felt a shiver run down my spine as I took off my own heels and coat. I dropped my purse in the entrance as I made my way through the flat. When I passed the kitchen, I noticed two glasses of wine on the counter. I heard giggling from upstairs followed by a moan. By then, I guess I already knew what was going on, but I needed to actually _see_ it. I made my way upstairs to our bedroom. My steps were careful and soft. I didn't want them to hear me coming. The closer I got, the louder the noises were, voices softly whispering, giggling moaning together. My heart was beating fast. I stood in front of the white door for a second or two. It wasn't closed completely so I pushed it gently.

It was quite a sight to see Sam entangled with another woman, their limbs mixing perfectly. I wish I could say it didn't hurt me at all, but that would have been a lie. I wished it hadn't stung like a punch in the gut and that I hadn't felt my throat tighten either. But I felt all those things. My heart faltered in my chest and I stood rooted to the spot as Sam and her mistress noticed my presence with a yelp and tried to cover themselves. I could see the anguish on the other woman, but I only had eyes for Sam. She looked sheepish but not overtly shocked. I guess that that was what stung the most. I cleared my throat before speaking slowly as if testing my voice.

"I'll see you downstairs once you get rid of her"

She didn't argue and just nodded. I hadn't expected her to react any differently. I hadn't yelled, I hadn't even been cold. Surprisingly, my voice had been calm, soft even. I walked to the kitchen and hesitated. Finally, I grabbed a glass, shoved some ice into it and poured myself a generous portion of whisky. Wine be damned tonight I needed something stronger. I took a few sips in quick succession. I hated how I was feeling at the moment and to be honest I felt like the world's biggest hypocrite. I placed the glass in front of me on the counter, and gripped the edge of it trying to keep myself anchored. I didn't understand why it hurt so much to find out that Sam had been cheating when I _knew_ I loved Emily. I had millions of questions and I wanted the answers now. It didn't take too long before I heard the front door open and shut and Sam walk in the kitchen. She threw a glance at my half-drunk glass of whisky and at the bottle, but didn't comment on either. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and kept quiet. I didn't want to speak either and just relinquished my hold on the counter to take a few more sips of whisky. I welcomed the painful burning of my throat as the liquid fell like a bomb in the bottom of my stomach.

"Say something" Sam requested.

That angered me.

"What the fuck am I supposed to say?" I said loudly.

I would have expected my wife to falter at the harshness of my tone, but she didn't. Quite the contrary actually, she got just as mad as I was.

"Don't you fucking go all self-righteous on me Naomi Campbell! You're the one who called a bloody time off on our marriage!"

"My fucking apologies! I didn't know this would make you jump the first woman you saw! How long have you been shagging her behind my back and who the fuck is she anyway?"

"Don't insult me Naomi, don't pretend you don't know exactly the answers to those questions!" she thundered.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" I said in surprise.

"Exactly what it says! I know you've known about my affair for ages okay! So don't pretend otherwise today just to make me feel like the villain and the reason why our marriage has gone to shit!"

I was stunned into silence as Sam finished her little speech and angry tears started streaming down her face. I didn't know what to think of this accusation because well, I didn't know if it was true. Was it possible that my other self had known about this and hadn't done anything about it? Surely it couldn't be… I mean who would put up with a cheating wife? Sam had called it an affair after all so it had, presumably, been going on for quite a while. If I thought back on the time I had spent here I could recall several occasions where my wife had come in late or left for "work meetings". I felt like such a tit for not having noticed it before. My silence seemed to prove Sam right.

"You didn't even have it in you to care Naomi!" she accused.

"That's not true…" I said weakly.

"Oh yeah? Fucking great job you did to show it then didn't you?"

I stayed silent again.

"So you see, don't try to pretend you're hurt or offended!"

"I _am_ hurt!" I replied seriously. "You think I don't give a fuck about anything do you?"

"That's partially true" she trailed off.

"Partially?"

She nodded before crying a bit harder. I let her. I didn't want to comfort her, not this time. I couldn't.

"When I met you" She starts. "You were this passionate person. A bit closed off, always in control, but passionate about what you did and what you believed in. When we first started dating, I couldn't have been happier and when you actually proposed, it was a dream coming true. I didn't know I could love someone so much and be so fucking _happy_"

Sam stopped for a second, trying to regain control on her tears and on her voice. My heart was beating uncomfortably in my chest, but I couldn't cry.

"You were always a bit cold… Always a bit off. Then you told me about Effy, about how she had been very important to you and when she died you didn't know how to deal with it. I thought at first that you had been secretly in love with her, but I know now that it's never been that. I stayed by your side as you campaigned and as you became the youngest ever minister. I was so fucking proud of being your wife and you were beaming at the achievement. You had never looked so happy about anything to do with me. Not even on our wedding day"

I went to speak, but she waved me off. I guess she needed to get it all out of her chest.

"I figured you were just that kind of person you know, just not that warm towards people. When you got shot, I was so scared to lose you but obviously you got better. Then you became such a _bitch_. It's like you lost all your fucking light when the Prime Minister asked you to resign."

Oh… So this is why I had quit the minister job? I could understand why I had been a bitter cynical bitch then.

"You were even more sarcastic then before, I could barely talk to you let alone touch you. Then I met Joanna and started having an affair. I felt so horribly guilty. I couldn't believe I was doing this to our marriage, but I couldn't take your coldness anymore… I never imagined you actually knew. It was JJ who made me realize it. One day he called you at home and when I told him you weren't there yet he told me it was impossible since he had personally dropped you off over an hour ago"

I bowed my head. Fuck. This had to mean I really did know.

"When you came home another hour later and pretended you had just come from work, it broke my heart. You acted as if nothing was wrong and I knew then already, I think, that you didn't love me like I love you"

I wanted to argue, but I didn't. To be fair, I didn't see what the point to it was anymore. Sam was crying fresh tears now.

"I figured that if you didn't mind, I might as well carry on with the affair. You never expressed any problem whenever I came home late or left in the middle of the weekend. I felt like such a fucking twat for staying with you when clearly you didn't give a fuck, but I fucking loved you. I still do. I fucking hate how much I love you Naomi, you have no idea how much I've wished I loved you less in the past years"

I stiffened at her comment. I could understand why she was mad at me, but it still didn't erase or excuse the fact that she had been cheating on me for a long time.

"I thought we could live like this you know Naomi? That we complemented each other on other levels and since you didn't mind I get the physical needs elsewhere, it could work. I was _such_ an idiot!"

"What do you mean? What changed?"

"You fucking did! All of a sudden you fucking soften up to everyone around you, but _I'm_ still being treated as cold as ever? For fuck sake's Naomi did you really think I wouldn't notice! You actually flinch now when I cuddle up to you in bed!"

"I don't-"

"Don't fucking lie, I'm not stupid!" she cut me off.

That did shut me up real fast.

"I thought you'd fucking leave me you know? And I was actually shattered by that thought. I was still trying to hold on to whatever little I could and I think I deluded myself into thinking there was still a chance our marriage was gonna make it. That's until you said you needed time. News flash Naomi I fucking know you! Like shit you needed time! You needed courage more like"

Again, her words had rendered me completely speechless. After a little moment I found the strength to say a very pathetic:

"I'm sorry"

Sam started crying hard again and I didn't move. It was clearly not my place to touch her anymore.

"You know what hurts the most in all this?" she asked through her sobs.

I shrugged, my throat too tight to let words pass.

"It's to know that you actually _can_ love someone properly, but that someone just isn't me"

My eyes widened in horror. She couldn't possibly mean what I thought she did.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Come on Naomi… Give me some credit… I can tell, you know. I can tell just by the way you say her name"

"What?" I said trying to feign surprise.

Sam closed her eyes for a second before opening them again and locking our gazes.

"I've never seen your eyes light up as much as when you first saw her. Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Even when you were doing politics your eyes didn't sparkle just as much. It was fucking dazzling"

"I don't know what you mean…" I argued weakly, breaking our eye contact.

I'm sure I could have admitted it and it would have been the same.

"You should tell her... Tell Emily that you love her" Her voice shook as she said it. "She's a fucking lucky woman"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, hugging myself. I hated how Sam seemed to know me so much.

"I just know you love Emily" she said. "I'm not gonna tell you it's okay because it bloody well isn't, but there's nothing much I can do"

We stayed silent again. The fact that I wasn't arguing about Sam's statement seemed to prove her everything she needed. I didn't argue because, by that point, there was nothing left to say. If I had been too much of a coward to divorce her, now the choice seemed to be making itself on its own.

"Do you want me to leave or are you going to?" Sam asked to break the silence.

I shot my head up to her. Her eyes were rimmed with tears and she was shaking slightly, but she looked determined. She had spoken the words with a finality I knew meant that there would be no going back.

"That's it? You're not gonna try to salvage our marriage?" I asked because I couldn't help it.

"Our marriage has been beyond salvation for a while now and besides, do you even want me to?"

I shook my head and her shoulders slumped.

"I'll go" I said. "I'll grab a few things and call you in a few days to pick up the rest"

She nodded and started shaking even more. Without turning back, I walked out of the kitchen and up to our bedroom. Maybe ten minutes later, I had a small luggage with me and was walking out of my soon to be old flat.

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The next couple of weeks went by in a bit of a daze. After I had left our place, I had gone to JJ and had cried in his arms for a long time. I felt like a complete failure and I couldn't help replaying Sam's words in my head. Had I really been that shite of a wife? I hadn't been feeling up to anything and had cancelled my entire week of work. When Paul had started bitching I had seen JJ get mad for the first time in his life. As serious as the situation was, the sight of him getting angry locked-on on a poor and clearly frightened Paul had been hilarious. In the end, Paul the twat had told me to take as much time as I needed. Cook had dropped by JJ's a few nights and together we had drunk a fair bit. We hadn't gone out really because the press was hot on my heels. Somehow, they had learned about my split with Sam and had been working hard to get a confirmation from me. I had told them rather unceremoniously to get to fuck. In the end, they had gotten the confirmation by stalking my flat. I guess it would have been hard to hide the truck that had picked up a few of my things or the awkward and cold goodbye, Sam and I exchanged on the doorstep. Anyhow, the news was on the front page of the paper the next day. Apart from that day, I hadn't heard of Sam much. I had received divorce papers 2 weeks after the initial talk at JJ's address and after reviewing a few points, I had signed them. I didn't want to bring this into legal debates and anyway Sam had been reasonable and not gone for whatever fortune I apparently had.

As shit as I felt, I couldn't deny the feeling of relief that had spread to me after I had sign them. Sam didn't want to talk to me for the moment and I respected that. I didn't know if she'd come around at some point, but for the moment, it was for the best. Of course, my mom had called me and had shrieked into the phone that it was utterly unacceptable that she had learned her only daughter's divorce through the papers. I had apologized and had gone round to hers for tea. When she had seen my shit expression she had comforted me and quit the yelling. As for Emily, I hadn't wanted to tell her about the whole divorce at first, but she had known the truth, along with the rest of Britain I guess, when it went out in the newspaper. She had called me and yelled at me for keeping it away from her. What was it with people and yelling at me? She had driven to Bristol the next day to have coffee with me at JJ's since I was still hiding from the press. Her presence had been a fucking gift from heaven. I had laughed and smiled like I hadn't done for ages. When she had gone back to London that night, it was confirmed that I had been foolish to think even for an instant I could live happily with someone else. That's when I had decided to make the next big decision.

After checking my account and securing I had enough funds, I had announced to Paul I was quitting the talk show, bought a brand new black Hyundai Sonata and a medium sized flat in London. I needed a break from Bristol and I would have been lying if I said I didn't want to get closer to Emily. Paul had thrown a right fit but I had shut him down easily. I didn't give a fuck if he approved or not. I hadn't told Emily I was moving to London. To be honest I was a bit apprehensive of her reaction. What if she wasn't pleased? What if she was freaked? There was also the Katie factor. Apparently she was a bit stiff at me for not listening to her, but I hadn't heard from her. At least she wasn't threatening me and knowing Katie, it was an improvement from the last reality.

It took me only a few days to get settled I my new flat. I didn't have much stuff to be honest. My move from Bristol hadn't been reported so I knew I'd be able to relax a little. My goodbyes with JJ had been a bit emotional. The poor boy had been sad, but had understood my need to go. Cook had hugged me to his chest and muttered in my ear to "do something about Emily". I had smiled at him but not confirmed anything either.

That was 4 days ago. I didn't have a plan or anything about Emily, but I wanted to see her. I knew that she was free most days before Jim came from work so I decided to call her randomly. She answered after only 2 rings.

"_Naomi!"_ she greeted warmly.

"Hey Ems, how are you?"

"_I'm good! But it's really me that should ask you that"_

"I'm fine. Listen, I was calling to ask you if you wanted to go get coffee or something"

"_Yeah sure when?"_

"Like now…" I said.

"_Now? I'm not sure I can drive to Bristol Nai…"_

Her nickname rang in my ears like music.

"I'm in London actually"

"You are?" Emily exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah… Actually… I moved in 4 days ago"

_"You did what!"_

"I moved into a small flat, it's not a big deal"

_"Oh my god! And you're telling me now?"_

I chuckled at Emily's shocked tone of voice. We made arrangements to meet and, barely an hour later, I was waiting in front of a small coffee shop for the girl of my dreams. I didn't have to wait long before I saw her walking in my direction with the biggest grin on her face. I couldn't stop the one from spreading to my own. When she reached my level, Emily promptly threw her arms around my neck and pulled me in a crushing hug. I could barely breathe, but I didn't mind in the slightest. I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her into my body. My senses were invaded by her scent and the feel of her skin and it was wonderful. When we pulled apart, the petite was actually very red. I think she hadn't planned on greeting me in such a physical manner.

"I'm so glad you moved in" she said in a sheepish voice.

"I'm glad too" I replied with a smile.

We went inside, ordered and sat. The rest of the afternoon was spent laughing and discussing about pretty much everything. Emily asked me a lot of questions about my future plan and I asked her a bit more about her London life. I loved how easy it was to be around her. When Emily looked at the time and declared she had to go, I felt the creeping feeling of sadness get to me. I didn't want to part, I wanted to be with her all the time. As much as I loved her and hadn't really known Sam, the divorce was taking its toll on me. Only when I was around the brunette could I just relax and enjoy myself. We were silent for a few minutes before a thought occurred to me.

"If I asked you if we could go somewhere, what would you say?" I asked with a serious expression.

"Where?" Emily replied.

"Anywhere" I completed, waiting to see my love's reply.

The petite seemed to ponder for a few seconds. When she looked up and locked her gaze with me, she gave such a bashful smile that I had the hardest of time to keep my face serious.

"I'd say okay"

"Really?"

"Really Naomi. Actually, Jim is going on a business trip next weekend. He'll be in Edinburgh for 3 days, reckon we could go somewhere then?"

I felt a smirk creep on my lips.

"I reckon we could"

Emily smiled back at me and I already knew that that weekend would be one to remember.

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**So that is that! I feel like we've moved quite a step forward. I hope it wasn't too rushed though... It was always planned that way, but I still hope it was done properly. Let me know what you think please! xxx Cheers**

Miss. Maraudeur


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:Well hello lovely people of the FFNet Nation! Shall we be happy that the update didn't take quite as much time this time around? I certainly am! I first thought I'd do the weekend in one chapter, but as usual, I got carried away! So this is part 1 which I hope you'll all enjoy! Thank you so much to everyone for the constant support and love! Your reviews mean the world and are very appreciated! Each and every one of them! Like, loads!  
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**I want to take a moment to say that I've stumbled upon some mention of this wee little fiction on Tumblr! As I'm a Tumblr idiot, I don't have an account and don't really know how it works. Nevertheless thanks to you guys for the mentions! I was very flattered!  
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**To Monkeypen; there's something in there you shall appreciate. You'll instantly know when you read it. **

**And I want to dedicate this chapter to WhenAnxietyKicksIn, because she's just joined our reading family lately and reviewed nearly every chapter in one day! I want to tell you I absolutely loved my day and spent it grinning like a fool! Hopefully you like this chapter as well! xx**

**Without further ado...**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 26

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The few days that were left before the weekend were excruciatingly long. Actually, that's not true. The first day or two had gone quite fast as I was trying to find something to do with Emily. Of course I knew I had said I wanted _her_ to bring me somewhere, but since she had already done it in my home reality, I figured I could do it in this one. I wanted to bring her somewhere special and, at first, I had wanted to bring her to our lake in Bristol, but I was still avoiding the city due to wanky paparazzi. Besides, I wasn't sure if bathing in our underwear, smoking a spliff, drinking vodka and having sex next to a campfire would go down really well with a 24 year old Emily as much as it had with her 17 year old self. Somehow, I doubted it would be a plan she'd enjoy and I wasn't quite sure it was a plan I liked that much anymore either. Not that I would have minded the sex part though. I mean, we were speaking of Emily here. I don't think it was possible for me not to want to have sex with Emily ever… But really, it wasn't like I was expecting anything to happen between Emily and I during that said weekend. I wasn't planning on it either. I knew that, most likely, absolutely nothing would, but I was allowed to hope right? Even if I wasn't going to actually put a move on her. She was married after all and I didn't want her to think I didn't respect her or her life. I just couldn't help wanting to kiss her, to touch her, to make her moan and… Jesus my brain could _not_ be trusted to be noble when it came to the brunette. She was just Emily and I, being the same old Naomi Campbell and all, couldn't bloody resist her.

My real plan actually was as simple as to just spend some time with Emily. I wanted to see if we really were connected and if we would be able to be around each other for more than a few hours. I hoped it would be fine, that she'd have a great time and be comfortable around me. I didn't want it to be awkward. But more than anything, I wanted to release my Emily, the woman I knew was in there somewhere. I wanted to see her shinning and bursting with strength and confidence. I wanted her to be full of life and full of energy. It's not that I didn't love her when she was being a bit of a doormat, by this point I believed I loved her as just about anything, but I just _knew_ that she deserved more than that, that she _was_ more than that. I knew I needed to plan something that would get it out of her, that would make her thrive and just _be_.

When the idea actually sprouted in my brain, I couldn't contain the smirk that graced my lips. This was actually perfect. After making a few checks and a few phone calls, everything was set up and I was convinced it would be a very memorable weekend. With that in mind and everything set, I had called Emily to tell her what to bring in her luggage and had refused to tell her where we were going. She had spent the rest of the week calling and texting me to try and guess, but it was all in vain. At least she seemed excited about the whole thing. Not that I was that surprised, Emily had always loved surprises.

One thing was bothering me a bit though. Every time I spoke to Emily, I had the impression she was keeping Jim out of the loop of our little weekend adventure. It's not that I minded, per se, I mean he wasn't my husband, hell, I hardly knew him, but I didn't understand why Emily was keeping things from him. Every time she mentioned him (which wasn't that often to begin with) it was hurried and in passing. If I hadn't known better I might have thought she didn't have a husband at all. In the end, I figured it was Emily's job to deal with him and I shouldn't worry about it, at least for the time being. It wasn't like I had done anything wrong or whatever. I still hated though this uncomfortable feeling I had every time I thought of the man and I didn't just mean the obvious jealousy. There was something off about him or, at the very least, in his relationship with Emily.

The rest of the week passed so slowly I wanted to hang myself. Who the hell had designed time to be so frustrating? This seemed hardly fair. Each day, I felt like the universe was nagging me, making it purposefully aggravating so that I'd appreciate my time with Emily more. Like I actually needed that! The fact I had no job anymore and literally nothing to do didn't make it any better.

When Friday finally reared its face, I was more than ready to go. To be honest I wasn't bringing much stuff and I had packed ages ago. Not that I was eager or anything… Not at all. I mean, why would I be? It was only one weekend with Emily right? Who was I even trying to kid, I was probably more excited about this than I had been for my first ever protest. Jim had left very early in the morning, so Emily was waiting for me at her flat. When I drove round to pick her up, the former excitement had gone and had been replaced by nerves. I was nervous. No, I was actually shitting bricks. I felt like a fifteen year old boy on a first date. A very nervous fifteen year old boy at that. I had all the pre-requisite too, the sweaty palms, the racing heart, the overloading brain… I had bloody everything! I had even spent ages deciding what I was going to wear when I clearly knew it didn't matter at all. I had gone from every style and every look I owned, often discarding items because they were too much and made it look like I was trying too hard. In the end, I had settled for a very simple pair of jeans that were made to look like they were old with patches sown on, a soft blue t-shirt, a grey cardigan, a red checkered scarf and an old pair of black trainers. It was simple enough and, as I drove to Emily's I worried it wasn't good enough and too casual. I didn't really know why I was so nervous, I mean I _knew_ Emily. But still, I guess I wanted everything to turn out good if not perfect. I wanted her to enjoy her weekend and my company and if she liked how I looked, I could only regard this as a nice bonus.

I walked up to the front door and knocked softly. I had never been to Emily's place before and I was quite curious to see where she lived. The front looked quite pretty with a big wall made of fine ancient grey bricks. The window sills were painted white and so was the front door and I could tell from the cracks and dirty spots that it was a bit old. There was also a slightly rusted black fence around a small front garden. There were a few flowers and, as I spotted some of Emily's favorite, I smiled. As different as Emily was, some things didn't change and, apparently, her love for gardening hadn't. In my reality, or any for that matter, I had never met someone so good at something so naturally like my redhead was at gardening. I personally was completely balls at it and couldn't remember any bloody names of flowers and plants. I was a bit of a tit at that and usually referred to them as "the blue ones", "the red ones" or "the yellow ones with the funny shape". Emily always laughed at my incompetence and repeated the names to me softly, her face buried in my neck, whispering the words in my ear. I loved how patient she was with me and with the flowers. She could spend hours at a time in our garden during summer, humming to herself as she trimmed some stuff here and watered others there. I'd usually just sit in some lawn chair and pretend to read, but really I was watching her. I would watch the way her little eyebrows would crease as she pulled on a stubborn weed or watch the curve of her tanned arms as she gently pruned around her flowers treating them with such delicacy it looked like they were made of crystal. Again, one of the many things I loved about her. Sometimes, after a few hours of hard work, her body would be covered by a thin layer of sweat. That's when I'd stare the most because, really, how fucking gorgeous was she then? Her red hair was always tied into a messy ponytail and some locks would stick to her neck stubbornly or on her forehead. She'd push it aside a little, revealing more skin and sometimes leaving traces of dirt all over her face and every time, I was totally transfixed. It was a bit of a wonder that her body could amaze me so much after so many years, but it did every single time. Even the parts that weren't supposed to be seen as erotic excited me beyond words and comprehension. And anyway, to be honest, I think when you love someone, truly love them, you come to appreciate their body in such a way that every single part of it is erotic. I admired every curve and every inch of her soft skin. She'd usually notice my attentive gaze then and smile in that special, adoring way she reserved just for me. That and she'd call me a right perv. I never contradicted her and just smiled back and shrug. Because when it came down to her, I was, indeed, a right perv.

The door opened then and I was effectively brought out of my day dreams. It was a shame because I was getting to the part where I usually tackled Emily in the middle of her flowers and ravished her, but it was also okay because I was brought out of my reverie to face a real life Emily. Not with red hair or a loving smile, not moaning my name or anything, but still just as beautiful. And to be fair to her, if her smile wasn't quite as adoring as I knew it could be, it was still a pretty perfect sight.

"Hey!" she said happily.

"Hey" I breathed in reply.

She was wearing fitting grey pants and a beige hooded shirt with thin navy lines. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, but she had left her bangs loose so that they were falling on her forehead, slightly hiding her sparkling chocolate eyes. It was simple by any means, but it was enough to make me lose my eloquence. We stood there a bit awkwardly for a few seconds. I was stupidly unable to utter anything at all and neither was Emily, it seemed. Eventually, she chuckled to herself before taking a side step and motioning me inside.

"Come on in" She said.

I followed her happily. The first thing that struck me once inside was everything. Well actually, the actual flat looked quite nice. The walls weren't straight and seemed to have been painted over several times and the floors were a bit cracked and quite uneven, but it gave a little something to the place. It had this vibe that just screamed "I've lived". What actually shocked me was the rest because upon entering I felt the need to double check I really was in Emily's flat and not in an Ikea catalogue. And not only because of the furniture but also because of the colors. Every wall seemed to have been painted in neutral earth colors that were variations between whites, beiges, tans and greys. Colors that probably had boring names like "Silk Paper", "Gobi Dunes", "Nairobi Clouds" or "Turtle Eggshell". It seemed so cold, so uninviting. Where were the colors like pomodoro reds or appletini greens that had been Emily's favorite in our flat? Everywhere I looked, there were only designer accessories that all matched themselves. A bowl of potpourri was settled on some side table on my right with an immaculate mirror above it. I crinkled my nose because A, potpourri had never smelled nice and B, seriously? There was a thick carpet in the entrance and even this, with its boring colors and geometrical shapes, reminded me of a department store. I looked to my left and spotted a series of frames on the wall arranged in an ascending row. I felt my eyebrows disappear behind my fringe when I realized that they contained pictures of Emily and Jim obviously taken in some professional studios. They were both wearing white t-shirts and doing different poses and I had to stifle a laugh for the actual phoniness of this.

Don't get me wrong here, I have nothing against Ikea or earth color painted walls, but this was so _not_ Emily that I could hardly believe it. Our flat in Bristol had been composed of a mismatch of several items we had brought back from our trips. Like our entrance mirror was this old and stained thing that had the most gorgeous orange frame incrusted with fake bronze pieces that Emily had seen in Spain and had bought immediately. We had a blanket in our living room that we had bought in Goa, an old clock in our kitchen that was from Brazil, a lamp in our bedroom that we had bought in a market in Shanghai and several sculptures or paintings from many other places. Our walls were covered in pictures too, but our pictures were usually not centered, self-taken and we were almost always badly groomed as they were travel pictures. Of course we had a few nicer ones that had been taken at parties and such, but there weren't that many. Katie often complained that our flat was an interior design disaster as nothing fitted together apparently and that we had mixed too many styles, but we didn't care. We loved every piece of furniture or decoration we had and that was that. So you see, seeing this "model" flat as Emily's was a bit unsettling.

"What?" Emily asked when she noticed me staring but not talking.

"Nothing" I replied quickly. "Your flat is very… hum… trendy"

Emily rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"It's boring as hell" she provided. "Most of this was Jim's choice anyway. I just chose the actual flat"

"Ahh I see" I nodded slowly.

That did make a lot more sense actually.

"Why do you keep it that way if you find it boring?" I asked.

Emily just shrugged.

"It's fine. I don't care really"

I let the comment go, but it seemed to me that this was yet another aspect of Emily's life she just didn't decide or bother with. I didn't like it.

"Anyway, my bag's upstairs. I'll go get it and we can leave"

The brunette was smiling now and I immediately followed suit. A few minutes later, we were loading her bag in the trunk of my car and settling ourselves for the ride.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked as soon as I settled behind the wheel.

I chuckled lightly.

"Wouldn't you like to know Ems…"

"I would! You've refused to tell me anything!"

"Well of course! Where would be the fun in you actually knowing things?" I said with a smirk.

"What if I don't like where we're going?" Emily shot back challengingly.

"You will" I replied confidently.

"So sure of yourself Campbell" Emily said with a laugh.

I only shrugged and stretched to grab a plastic bag from the back seat. I opened it and handed Ems a bag of Shoelaces liquorice. I saw her eyes widen and her lips curl up into a smile. I swear I could see the glee pouring out of her body as she squealed and grabbed the bag eagerly.

"Shoelaces! I love this stuff!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah?" I asked in a fake innocent surprise. "We just have quite a ride ahead of us and I figured you might get hungry"

"Seriously Naoms? How did you know that shoelaces are my absolute favorite on road trips?" She asked in awe.

"Oh really? Is it? Must be a lucky guess" I said shrugging before starting the car and leaving my parking spot.

Emily eyed me curiously as if she was doubting my statement. I couldn't exactly blame her since luck had absolutely nothing to do with my choice of snack. What?

"_There's no harm in pleasing Ems with my secret knowledge is there?"_ I thought to myself.

God, that sounded much dirtier than I thought it would. Not that I couldn't please Emily in that way as well. I mean I _did_ have quite the knowledge on that matter. Especially when it came to her. I knew where to touch her to drive her insane with desire. Like when I'd kiss her…

"Naomi!" Emily shouted next to me.

"Euh? Wha-?" I said lamely feeling my cheeks redden a little.

"I said, thanks for the shoelaces" Emily repeated patiently.

"That's nothing" I provided quickly.

"Thanks anyway. What were you thinking about?"

I blushed furiously at that question. Emily quirked me her eyebrow and I tried shrugging nonchalantly. I think I accurately looked like a robot because my movements were stiff as fuck. Emily bumped my shoulder with her own. The contact didn't help my already straying mind. Jesus that weekend was going to be even more excruciating then I thought it would be.

"I was just reviewing the road ahead, sorry, I got distracted" I lied, because I certainly couldn't tell her I had been imagining shagging her.

"Okay" Emily said, accepting the lie. "How long is it going to be anyway?"

"Hum… long" I replied vaguely.

"Long? What more than an hour long or…?"

"Hum… yes, quite a bit longer than an hour" I replied sheepishly.

"What!" The brunette exclaimed. "And you're telling me now? Where are we going that's that far?"

"You'll see in time little one!" I joked.

"Now I get why you bought me sweets" Emily said.

"Why is it, d'you think?"

"You were obviously bribing me for the long road ahead!" she said with a smile.

"That's quite accurate actually" I replied good humoredly.

Emily faked a gasp.

"And you're admitting it so easily?"

"Of course! Bribing is a very effective way of making things go your way" I said in the most serious face I could.

Emily laughed throatily and I grinned. God I loved her.

"Well the shoelaces are nice but they won't be enough" Emily said.

I gave her a quick glance and noticed the evil smirk on her lips. Whatever she was thinking would probably be no good news for me.

"What shall I offer to properly bribe you then?" I asked.

"The _only_ way I can forgive you for not telling me we were undertaking such a long car ride is if you give me the complete control of the music choice!" the brunette exclaimed gleefully.

I groaned while Emily giggled. To be honest, Emily's music taste wasn't that bad. At least it hadn't been in my reality. But in my reality, I had also influenced her quite a lot. I was a bit frightened of what would be her taste here. I glanced at Emily and she quirked me her eyebrow. I recognized the look on her face. She was challenging me. Really Ems? A challenge? I scoffed and smirked at her.

"Alright. Got it"

She squealed in delight and turned around to grab her purse from the backseat. As she did so I had a marvelous view of her arse. How I managed not to crash the car is still a mystery to me. When she sat back down properly, I noticed she had now an electric blue Ipod and an auxiliary wire. A few seconds later, the connections were made and a familiar tune started playing in the car.

"You can't be fucking serious!" I exclaimed as "Aqua" reverberated loudly in the vehicle.

Emily laughed delightedly and shrugged. She was silent for a few seconds and then an idea obviously struck her because she started grinning madly before turning towards me.

"There's one way you can regain some control over the music…" she trailed off.

"Oh?" I said. "And what would that way be?"

"Well…" she started slowly. "If you tell me where we're going and what we're going to do, I'll let you choose the music with me!"

"Pfff!" I scoffed loudly. "Dream on Fitch and bring your awful music on!"

Emily laughed and turned back to face the road.

"Alright Campbell. Your choice"

And just from her playful tone of voice, I had a feeling she was gonna make me regret that choice as much as she could.

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Turns out I hadn't been wrong. The longer we drove, the worse Emily's songs got. After two hours of driving, we had stopped to refill the car's tank, eat a bit and stretch our legs. Emily had asked me countless times if I had changed my mind about telling her my plans, but I had resisted every time. But to be honest, there had been a few times I had been right on the verge of telling her everything. I mean who the fuck could withstand hours of driving with a playlist as bad as Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, more Aqua, some Hall and Oates, Lady Gaga's worst songs, Britney Spear's debut hits and even fucking Celine Dion for Christ's sake! I swear if Emily hadn't looked so goddamn cute as she sang "My heart will go on" at the top of her lungs I might have abruptly stopped the car and left her on the side of the road. When she hadn't been singing, she had been munching on the shoelaces I had bought for her or asking me a series of questions to try and guess where we were going.

To be honest, even if Emily's music was purposefully planned to piss me off, I couldn't feel anything but elated. Because it was a bright and sunny day outside and because there were a lot of worse things than being confined in the small space of a car with Emily. A lot. After 3 hours and a half of driving, we finally arrived.

"Manchester?" Emily said loudly.

I nodded and ignored her questioning gaze. Like I was going to tell her anything. I drove into the city and even though I didn't know it well at all, I managed to find the hotel I had booked for us fairly easily. I parked in the underground parking lot and left the car. I stretched for a few seconds. As much as I had enjoyed Emily's company during the drive, I wasn't sad to be finally here.

"Right" I said after a moment facing Ems. "Let's just check-in at the desk than we can put our bags in the room and then enjoy the rest of the afternoon, yeah?"

"Sounds like a good plan Miss Campbell" Emily said with a smile.

I smiled back and we walked inside. Emily gazed in awe when she saw the vast lobby, carefully furnished. To be fair, I was a bit impressed myself, but then again I had known it would be that nice. Truth is, I had expressly chosen the Radisson Edwardian Hotel because it was nice, pretty luxurious and right in the center of the city. I had enough money to afford it and I wanted to treat Emily a little. From her expression, I could tell she was at least impressed. I know that she wasn't that kind of shallow woman who desired luxury and aspired to live in the poshest environment (that was more Katie), but I also knew that, once in a while, she did like a little treat.

"Naomi!" She exclaimed as we made our way to the counter. "How much is this costing you?"

I gave her a soft smile.

"Don't worry about expanses Ems."

"But you didn't need to book such a nice hotel! Really!"

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to" I said sincerely.

"But…" Emily tried to argue.

"Please, just let it go Ems. Besides, the room is already booked, not much you can do about it, is there?" I shrugged.

The brunette blushed a little and I could tell she was trying really hard not to smile too much.

"Thanks" she said in a small voice.

I just smirked in her direction and walked up to the main desk.

"Hi, how may I help you" a man dressed in a black suit asked me politely.

"Hi, my name is Naomi Campbell. I booked a room for tonight and tomorrow" I said.

The man checked his computer system and a few seconds later, I was signing some documents and he was giving me two magnetic keys and our room number. I thanked him and walked back to meet Emily. We walked quietly to the elevator and I gave her her key. It didn't take too long before we were in front of our room. I swiped my card and opened the door. I stepped aside to let Emily go in first and pointed towards the inside of the room exclaiming "Voilà!" in my most beautifully broken French. The petite giggled and walked inside. I followed her. She gasped as she took in her surroundings, the green walls, the glass desk, the big bathroom... I had booked a deluxe room, of course. As I quickly looked around the place, I felt the air leave my lungs. My eyes had set on the bed and there weren't enough words to convey how surprised I was. I felt my eyes widen in horror. It's not that it wasn't big enough or dirty or anything, it was the fact that it was the only one in the room. What the fuck? I had definitely booked a room with two beds!

"What's wrong?" Emily asked taking in my expression.

"I… Where? I" I mumbled.

"What is it?"

"It's… the bed! I mean it's… just the one!" I said feeling my cheeks reddening by the second.

"Yeah?" Emily said still confused.

"I had… I had booked a room with two beds I swear! Oh my god… I'm so sorry… I … I'll go back, I… I didn't… I swear I had booked a two beds room, I didn't mean-"

"Hey" Emily cut me off putting her hand on my forearm.

She gave me a soft smile and I felt my heartbeat slow down a little. I know I was properly freaking out, but fucking hell! This was _not_ happening! I mean I already knew that sleeping in the same room as Emily would be hard enough! I definitely couldn't share the same bed! Fuck's sake I'd end up jumping her for sure! This would be the cruelest of tortures! Besides, I very much didn't want Emily that I had purposefully booked a room with just one bed. How would that make me look?

"It's okay" Emily said.

She was being so sweet and calm about this but I just couldn't take it. I mumbled something about fixing it before quickly turning around and heading back to the lobby.

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"What do you mean this is what you had under my name!" I asked angrily to the poor clerk. "I am _certain_ that I booked a two beds room!"

"I'm truly very sorry Mrs-"

"It's Miss now!" I snapped angrily.

"I'm truly sorry Miss Campbell, but this is the room that was registered to your name" the man continued in a calm and slightly scared voice.

I sighted loudly grabbing the bridge of my nose between my fingers. This was _not_ happening for fuck's sake!

"Alright then just register me to a different room with two beds!" I said impatiently.

"There aren't any two beds rooms left in the deluxe section" the man said apologetically.

"Well fucking give me one in a lower quality section then!"

The man checked his computer for a few seconds before meeting my gaze again. By his squirming frame and afraid look I could already tell I wouldn't like his answer.

"There seemed to be no available room with two beds at the moment" he said tentatively.

"What!" I exclaimed loudly. "How is that even fucking possible? Aren't you supposed to me a bloody 5 stars Hotel?"

"I'm sorry Miss…"

"Fucking hell!" I said loudly.

I closed my eyes and shoved a hand through my hair in exasperation.

"Hey" I heard behind me and turned around.

I was faced with Emily with our luggage surrounding her.

"Hey!" I said. "You didn't have to bring all this back here" I added feeling guilty.

She shrugged before walking to me. She placed a hand on my forearm and started drawing careful circles with her thumb. It calmed me right down again. Emily really had this magic touch. Or at least she had it every time she touched me.

"It's okay if they don't have two beds rooms anymore. I don't mind having just one bed" she whispered her voice ridiculously low.

A shiver ran down my arm and I swore Emily had felt it. Her cheeks were a bit red too. I gulped slowly.

"I'm sorry I fucked up… I hadn't meant this to be like that I swear"

I stared into her eyes, willing her to believe me. I didn't want her to think I had planned this and had ulterior motives or something. She held my gaze and gave me her signature smile full of tenderness and understanding. Of course, Emily knew I hadn't meant that.

"It's really okay Naomi"

I nodded slowly and gave her a halfhearted smile. I sighed again and turned around to face the clerk. Before I had time to speak, he did.

"We're very sorry for your troubles Miss Campbell! Let me offer you the Al fresco room at the same price instead"

"What's the difference?" I asked curiously.

"The Al Fresco room is our biggest room, the bed is a king, the bathroom includes a large glass shower and there's a little terrace" he explained quickly.

I shot him an eyebrow and turned around to look at Emily. She nodded vigorously and I smiled.

"Alright, we'll take it" I said giving the man a smile.

I saw him sigh in relief and I had to repress the urge to laugh. Was I really that scary? In no time at all, he had registered us to the Al Fresco room and had handed us new keys. He had also called a bellboy to carry our luggage for us. We followed the bellboy as he lead us to our new room, than leading us inside, putting our stuff on the floor and waving us goodbye. Emily and I looked at each other before laughing.

"I think you scared them shitless Nai!" she said between chuckles.

"Apparently" I replied.

"Sometimes I guess it's useful to be famous" she winked.

We took a moment to look around ourselves and I have to admit it was a pretty darn nice place. The room was gorgeous, with a thick beige carpet and dark wooden furniture. The bed was impressively big with a gorgeous and complex brown duvet and huge fluffy white pillows. There was a desk of glass on one side of the room and at the end, there was the large glass door leading to the terrace. Emily walked to it and opened it eagerly. She stepped outside and I followed her. The view was really nice and the air was cool. Not too war but not too cold either. I couldn't have hoped for a better weather than this.

"Have you ever been to Manchester before?" I asked her.

She shook her head slowly. I didn't speak after that because I had the feeling she was in her bubble. She looked serene somehow. Like she was cherishing this moment more than anything. I didn't know why she would though. I mean we hadn't done anything yet. She turned to face me and graced me with a heart stopping smile. I could only give her a lame soppy one back. I could always only answer to Emily's unparalleled beauty with soppy and clumsy smiles. She made me feel too much at the same time and I couldn't respond accordingly.

"So what have you got planned for us Miss Campbell?" Emily asked.

"At the moment? Nothing at all. I just thought we could enjoy the day" I replied shrugging.

"That sounds good. So when is it, whatever you've planned?"

"Tomorrow"

"And what is it?"

"Keep trying Fitch"

Emily chuckled, but didn't press the question. We left our bags in the room and left the hotel. It wasn't very late since we had left pretty early in the morning, but it was still nearing the end of the afternoon. Nevertheless, we had some time to roam the streets before the evening would settle.

"Where to?" Emily asked eagerly.

I shrugged.

"We could check out the Piccadilly Gardens, what do reckon? I mean it's probably just a park but it's something"

"That sounds like a plan"

We walked comfortably along Oxford Street for a while before turning on Portland. The Gardens were a few blocks away from our hotel, but we didn't care much. It was nice just to be able to stroll mindlessly in the city, with absolutely no pressure. At least it felt good to me. I gave a sideways glance towards Emily and when I spotted a content grin on her lips I was reassured that she was enjoying the walk just as much as I was. The thing about Manchester was that it was a very beautiful city. The buildings were a mix between old and modern and, just to admire the architecture, it was worth the walk. Obviously London was very pretty as well, but it was a nice change of scenery. I was taking everything in from the feel of the sun on my face to the feel of Emily's presence next to me. In no time at all, we reached the Gardens and although it wasn't particularly impressive, it was nice enough. We walked to a big fountain that was sort of in the middle of the place and sat on a little cement ledge close to it. We stayed silent and observed the patterns created by the water.

After a moment, Emily turned to observe the people that were in the park until her gaze settled on a man and a little boy in one corner. The man was tall and dark haired and so was the little boy who was most likely his son. They were playing football, using two bags as a makeshift goal. The boy was giggling loudly as his father tackled him gently to the ground to steal the ball. I felt a smile tug at my lips, but when I turned to look at Emily, I noticed a tear had fallen down her cheek. I frowned and automatically put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey… what's wrong?" I asked in a soft voice.

She turned to look at me and wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

"Nothing" she whispered.

She tried to smile, but I could tell it didn't reach her eyes. She turned her face slightly to look at the boy and his father again and more tears fell from her gorgeous brown eyes. As if it had a mind of its own, my hand shot out and I brushed my thumb under her right eye. She looked at me again.

"What is it?" I asked again.

Emily frowned a little, but didn't turn away. I think she was searching my gaze for something so I didn't move. I was very aware though that my palm was still resting on her cheek, my thumb making a lazy trail between her cheekbone and the side of her jaw.

"It's just…" she started, her voice hoarse. "They remind me of my dad and brother"

The petite broke our staring contest to look at her knees and turned her head so my hand wasn't on her cheek anymore. I didn't dare put it back, but I scooted a bit closer to her. Now this was a subject I was very curious about. Admittedly I had been wondering what had happened to James and Rob ever since realizing at that fundraiser party of Katie's that they weren't there. I hadn't really known how to bring the subject up though.

"Yeah? I didn't know you had a brother" I lied.

Emily nodded slowly, bringing her eyes on the duo again. I bumped my shoulder with hers, hoping that the contact would be enough to get her talking again. I have to admit I was surprised when Emily lifted her hand to grab mine and laced our fingers together. I smiled bashfully, but she kept her eyes to her knees. I squeezed her hand once and I heard her take a long breath before she started speaking again.

"My parents divorced when I was about 11. We used to live in Bristol back then in this big house. My dad owned a gym and everything seemed perfect. But one day I overheard him and my mum talk. My dad's gym was having big difficulties and it was going to go bankrupt unless we started saving in other places. Katie and I were going to private school at the time and my dad wanted to simply put us through public school to save some money, but my mum went mental. She wanted to give Kay and I the best education possible and she was adamant that private school was it. They started arguing about a lot of things and my mum accused my dad of having hidden to her the fact that the gym wasn't going well"

Emily took a moment to compose herself and I squeezed her hand again.

"In the end, my mum decided that she didn't want to stay with my dad if he could only screw their lives over. So she left him and we moved to London with my mom's sister. My aunt Julie, being single and everything, had quite enough money to help us out and put us through private school there. Mum had taken James, my brother, with us at first and didn't want my dad to see us at all, but it was my dad's turn to go mental. It was really ugly and my dad threatened to sue my mum and all. I don't remember much of it because Katie and I used to hide under our blankets, holding hands and singing loudly whenever my dad called and my mum started shouting. But after a while, my mum relented and gave him James' custody. She refused to let him see me and Katie though. I think dad argued a bit, but mum threatened to fight him for full custody of us three so eventually he stopped trying…"

A few other tears had fallen down her cheeks now so Emily wiped them with her other arm's sleeve. It was her turn to squeeze my hand. We stayed silent for a moment, until I felt that she was strong enough to continue the conversation.

"How long has it been since you've seen either of them then?" I asked softly.

"The battle for custody lasted about 3 years. It ended when Katie and I were about to turn 14. James was maybe 7. Dad asked mum if he could take us three to dinner before they signed the final papers. She agreed and then dad signed the papers giving mum full custody of me and Kate. I haven't seen my dad since then"

"Jesus" I muttered under my breath.

Emily sniffled a little and kept a strong grip on my hand. I wouldn't have let go even if she had wanted to I think. I felt like her anchor, hell, I wanted to be her anchor. When I noticed that her expression was still a bit gloomy, I tugged gently on her arm until she faced me. I smiled at her.

"You know… I barely remember my dad at all…" I said.

"Really?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah… He left my mum and I when I was about 6. He fucked off and never came back"

My voice shook a little at the end of my sentence and I sighed. I hated how this still affected me even years later.

"That's awful" Emily said sadly.

"Yeah… But don't feel sorry for me. I've had a great life with my mum…" I smiled to myself then. "She's… the kindest and wisest person I know"

Emily smiled at me.

"It sounds like you love her a lot" the brunette said.

"I do. I really do. I don't think I could have had a better mother. She's a strong person, much stronger than I could ever be, I think. God knows she's put up with me and I was such a little shit" I said with a laugh.

Emily laughed along and bumped our shoulders.

"I'm sure you weren't that bad" she said.

"Oh believe me, I was. But it never fazed my mum. She just _knew_ how to deal with me. I love her to bits. I don't know how I'd have turned out without her" I finished with a shrug.

Emily sighed heavily.

"I wish I could say the same thing about my mum…"

"You don't get on with your mum?" I asked curiously.

Even though Emily had mentioned that her mum could be difficult in this reality, I couldn't see why she wouldn't have gotten on with her. After all, Emily was a "normal happy twin" here. Married to some bloke and whatever. What could Jenna possibly want more from Emily?

"Not really no… Katie's the one who's always had this easiness with her… Me and her we just… don't click that much I guess" Emily said frowning slightly.

"Surely it can't be all bad?"

"It isn't… I mean, she's… okay I guess. But I always have the feeling I need to be someone else for her to appreciate me, like I have to work for it"

"But I'm sure she cares about you Ems…" I said slowly.

I didn't want to be the wanky friend who says the easy lines without knowing much, but it broke my heart that Emily doubted her mother's love. Because for all her flaws, there had always been one thing about Jenna Fitch that had never changed and it was how much she loved her children, Emily included. I was already surprised beyond words that she had let James go, but I just couldn't believe that she didn't love Ems. It just wasn't Jenna. Yes, she had had a weird way of showing it at some points and had handled Emily's coming out pretty badly in my reality, but she had never at any point stopped caring about her daughter.

"I don't know… With my dad… It was always just natural. He got me you know?"

I nodded and she continued.

"He used to call me his little fierce Fitch" she reminisced her lips curling upwards. "We had this tree in the backyard and there was this branch that was maybe 6 or 7 feet high. It wasn't that much, but back then it seemed like it was. I used to go and sit there when I wanted some time off Katie because she was too scared to follow me. Of course she never admitted it"

I laughed.

"That doesn't surprise me" I said.

"Anyway, mum would go mental when she'd see me up there. She was always scared I'd hurt myself. So dad would come and sit with me. It reassured mum and it allowed me to stay longer. Most of the time, we wouldn't say a word to each other because we didn't need to"

Emily finished her story and locked her gaze on the still playing father and son in the distance. This time though, she sported bright smile and looked at them almost lovingly. I was relieved and smiled along with her. I smiled also because I was happy to note that this little habit of Rob and Emily was something I knew about. It was something they had done in my reality as well, only, there, they had kept doing it for years. Ems had even told me about a time once during the time our couple was struggling when she had fled my house and gone to sit on her branch in the middle of the night. Her father had appeared in a bright green pair of boxers and white socks and had sat down next to her. She had rested her head on his shoulder and they had waited for the sunrise together. I was glad that this Emily had at least known this a bit because I knew what they had meant to my Emily. In fact, Rob _still_ called her his little fierce Fitch in my reality from time to time.

"I just wonder where they are today" Emily said suddenly.

"You know you could contact them yeah?"

"I'm… scared…" The brunette admitted sheepishly.

"Of what?"

"I don't even know anymore"

I turned to look at her to see that she was frowning. I tugged at her hand to get her attention again.

"It's okay to be scared you know…" I told her earnestly.

"I know… But I feel like I've been scared all my life…"

I was shocked by her statement. It must have shown because Emily gave me a sad smile. I just couldn't fathom the idea of Emily Fitch living a life in fear. For fuck's sake she was one of the bravest person I had ever met!

"Well then" I said. "There's only one thing for you to do"

"And what is it?" she asked curiously.

"Be brave Emily" I whispered.

As I uttered the words, I felt the petite brunette squeeze my hand and inhale deeply. It was like my words had created some sort of electric spark between us. I couldn't tear my gaze away from her and I felt certain that my pupils had gone a shade darker. She was just so beautiful it was actually painful. I wanted to kiss her then. It wasn't the first time I had wanted to do it in this reality obviously, but for the first time, the feeling didn't come with the underlying doubt, fear and guilt. In that moment, it felt to me like kissing her would be the only next thing to do, like it was this unstoppable action that needed to be done. Of course, I didn't do it though and the moment slipped away as we heard the little boy shouting in the distance.

"YEAH! Manchester City wins!"

We both turned around to see that he had raised his arms in the air and his father seemed to be celebrating with him. It was a cute scene really. I heard Emily laugh next to me.

"Well now I can definitely not mistake them for my dad and brother" she said confidently.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"My dad is the biggest Liverpool supporter you'll ever meet! Or at least he was." She replied. "I know I haven't seen him for years, but I can't imagine that changing! He used to tape all their matches and make a fuss whenever they lost. I used to think he was a bit of a nutter. I've never seen anyone get so worked up over a football game. Also, my mum used to be a big language Nazi and had a list of words we could never utter. My dad only ever banned two words and they were "Manchester" and "United". He didn't mind Man City as much, but it was always safer not to mention either teams"

"That bad eh?"

"Oh yeah!" Emily chuckled. "I don't really watch football, but hate Manchester United on principle. And even if I can't really say because I haven't seen him in so long, I'd bet everything I have that my dad would go gay for Gerrard in an instant"

I laughed loudly as Emily chuckled. It was good to see that the tension of a few minutes ago was gone. We saw the father and son pick their stuff up in the distance and walk away.

"Hungry?" I asked Emily.

Her eyes sparkled at my question.

"Starving!"

We got up and reluctantly I let go of Emily's hand. We ate in a little pizza place overlooking the Gardens and it was freaking delicious. While we were eating on the restaurant's terrace, some guy with a messy mob of dirty blonde hair had come up to us and handed us flyers for this independent show in a local place called the "odder bar". Maybe it's because he hadn't pushed or maybe it was because she was feeling festive, but the second he was gone, Emily gave me that look of hers that was between a pout and puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes at her because I already knew what she was going to say and I already knew I'd agree. I could bloody resist that stupid look, never had been able to. Of course I had been right and we had decided to go back to the hotel room to change and then check out the place.

By the time we made it back to the room, it was already 9pm. We took it in turns to shower and I took mine first to allow Emily to have the bathroom to prepare herself afterwards. I hadn't brought many nicer clothes for the weekend since I hadn't exactly planned going out so I put on a simple pair of blue jeans, a loose black top with a large round opening around the neck and a green design in the front, some silver bracelet and black flats. I had put on some minimal make up just to say I had any and had fluffed my hair a bit pinning the bangs to the side. I didn't feel particularly pretty, but this would have to do. When Emily excited the bathroom though and my gaze fell on her, I felt ridiculously underdressed.

I think my mouth sort of hung opened when I took her in. She had decided to wear a simple white tank top with a white slightly pleated skirt that had black strips at the top and bottom of it and a few black dots in the middle. Of course, the skirt finished a bit above her knees so the rest of her slander legs were on display. She had put on a black bolero to cover her shoulders, but had left it open. It had the effect of perfectly showing off her cleavage. And fuck me if it didn't look completely enthralling at the moment. She had put on black high heels that did a lot to elongate her figure and had curled her hair slightly, pulling the top layer around her forehead behind and her putting her bangs in a quiff. I honestly don't know how I restrained myself and didn't jump her on the spot. I probably stared for a bit too long because Emily gave me a quizzical look and I snapped out of my daze.

"Well now I feel ridiculously underdressed" I declared.

Emily giggled and shook her head.

"You look perfect" she said her eyes gleaming.

If anyone else had said that, I would have scoffed, but since it was Emily, I believe her. Besides, her cheeks had turned a bit red as she said it and she looked even more stunning than earlier. I broke the silence by suggesting to go and Emily agreed readily. The bar wasn't that far from the hotel and we arrived in no time.

The brunette pushed the door of the place open and I saw her eyes widen in wonder. I followed her closely and immediately understood why she looked so fascinated. The place was actually beautiful. The walls were painted in a shocking red, with various colorful paintings and about two dozen whacky clocks plastered over them. The room was bathed in a soft dimmed light coming from different fixtures and lamps all different from each other. The front surface of bar itself had been covered by multi colored leather squares that were slightly padded. There was some music playing in the background and even I had to admit that it was pretty good one. We spotted a table in a corner and made our way to it. A few seconds later, a waiter had come to take our order. We had both settled on a larger to keep things simple.

"This place is brilliant!" Emily exclaimed and I nodded vigorously.

The crowd around us was varied and seemed to be extremely friendly. It was a mix of students and older people, a mix of hipsters and posh and everything in between. This was the place where who you were, what you dressed like and who you voted for had absolutely no importance. This was a place to just be. Soon enough, our largers had arrived and Emily and I started chatting easily. We talked of many things and laughed even more. I simply adored every second I was in the other girl's company and tonight was no exception. After our third larger, the brunette had started being a bit more… physical I guess. Whenever I'd make a comment that sent her in a fit of giggles she'd shove me on the shoulder playfully and let her fingers linger on my skin. It was absolute torture and absolute bliss all in one. My brain was a bit fuzzy and I reckon so was Ems, but I wasn't drunk. Well, not drunk on alcohol but I have to admit I was a bit drunk on Emily. She was just so beautiful it hurt my poor little infatuated heart. I wanted to be allowed to gaze at her as bashfully and lovingly as possible. I wanted to be allowed to brush my fingers in her hair, I wanted to be allowed to draw her closer to me and place tender kisses on her shoulder until she was left smoldering in my hands, I wanted to cherish every laugh, every look and every laugh and I did, in a way, but I couldn't quite help remembering that she wasn't mine and that ruined my enjoyment.

At some point during the night the flyer boy's band had started playing and it made the evening even more magical. Emily closed her eyes to listen to the music, to let it wash over her. I couldn't focus on the tune playing because the brunette's skirt had risen a little and I was transfixed by the sight of her perfect thighs. When I found the strength to look away, I was met by Emily's eyes staring right at me, an unreadable expression on her face. I knew that I had totally been caught perving, but for the life of me I couldn't tell how Emily was taking it. I felt like there was some kind of hunger and want in her stare, but I hated that I wasn't sure if I was reading her expression right or not. So I just looked away blushing and Emily turned away eventually as well.

I think it must have been 1 am when we finally decided to walk back to the hotel. Emily had wanted to stay longer, but I had told her that what I had planned for the next day was to take place in the morning. She had tried to get me to tell her what was my big secret, but, again, I had successfully withheld any information. The night was warm and the air was somewhat thick. When we arrived at the hotel, there weren't any staff members at the desk or around. I started making my way to the elevator, but Emily quickly grabbed my hand and tugged me in another direction. I sent her a quizzical look, but she only gave me an impish smirk in return. Oh lord help me. When Emily looked at me like that, her sexiness was beyond words. So naturally, I followed her and soon realized that she was dragging me towards the hotel's pool.

"Ems" I muttered, but she didn't stop.

She pushed the changing rooms' door open and pulled me with her inside. The next second, she had walked with me to the back of the room and pulled another door open. Emily walked decidedly until she was pulling the door to the pool open and stepping in the vast place.

"Wow" she whispering letting her eyes graze over the still water.

I had to agree with her though, the place really looked gorgeous. Obviously, there weren't anyone around and all the lights were closed. Nevertheless, a few lights from within the pool were still lit so that a soft blue hue was engulfing the room making it look almost dream like. The ceiling was covered by a large piece of glass that was currently reflecting the water. It almost looked like it was a sky. The complete silence made it also feel very peaceful.

Emily let go of my hand and walked closer to the pool. When she was just on the edge of it, she turned around and smiled at me. My heart faltered somewhere inside my chest.

"I don't know about you, but I'd kill for a nice cool swim" she said in a deadly husky voice.

I felt the hairs on my arms raise as a shiver ran down my spine. Admittedly, there wasn't much I'd have rather done than jump in that pool with Ems. I gulped slowly because I wasn't sure if this was a good idea. A wet Emily was, in every sense of the term, something I very much wasn't sure I could handle. At least not in a civil non pervy way.

"What do you say?" The brunette said motioning to the pool.

Her voice was reverberating in the room, making me feel like it was coming at me from all corners, surrounding me.

"I don't think we're allowed" I said lamely.

"Do you only do what you're allowed to Naomi?" She purred.

I gulped again and was quite positive that a new pool had been created inside my pants. Fuck me if Emily Fitch wasn't the most gorgeous thing, especially when she was being confident. I knew it wasn't a good idea, that I was playing with fire, but I took a step towards Emily making a show of letting my flats behind. Playing with fire with Emily was always gonna be a weak spot of mine. Besides, I couldn't say no to her, especially not when she was being so _Emily_. She was there, standing in front of, daring me to jump in that pool with her. The challenge was written all over her face and the amusement all over her eyes. She was being the woman I knew, the woman who _did_ things and not just took them. So who was I to say no to that woman? Who was I to deny and stamp on her as she was affirming her wants when this whole weekend had been about getting her to do exactly that? I was conscious that she was quite a bit tipsy though, I could tell by her stance, by the way she was standing a bit unstably. To be fair, I was a bit tipsy too and the alcohol pulsing through my veins was doing nothing to help me control my train of thoughts.

Emily looked at my flats and smiled. She took off her bolero and threw it on the floor. I regaled in the sight of her soft shoulders, but tore my gaze away to take off my bracelet and socks. I tried not to perv on her too much as she took off her heels and un-tucked her top from the band of her skirt. I tugged my belt open and undid the button of my jeans. I'm pretty sure I saw Emily bite on her bottom lip when I grabbed the hem of my t-shirt and threw it above my head close to Emily's bolero. From the corner of my eye, I saw the brunette take off her top and slide down her skirt. I turned around and tried to stare at something, anything that wasn't her as I slid my jeans down my legs. I took a second to thank the impulse that had made me put on nice matching underwear tonight. They were a fairly simple combination of dark purple and black material with slight lace, but now that I had to stand in front of Emily in just that, I was glad I wasn't wearing an old disgusting pair of knickers and bra.

I got a little déjà vu when I crossed my arms in front of my chest and turned around to see Emily biting on her bottom lip and staring at me. If her lacy red underwear hadn't completely shocked the words out of my mouth, I might have commented on her perving. As it was, I couldn't utter a single word. My brain was too busy being a total twat and obsessing about how ridiculously mint Emily's tits looked in that slightly push up bra. I wondered for a second if she had worn them for me, if perhaps she was feeling just like I was but was scared to admit it. I didn't have too much time to dwell on the matter because I soon found myself being pushed head first in the water.

I hit the surface with a huge splash and was startled by the sensation. I swallowed a mouthful of chlorine water before emerging, coughing my lungs out. I pushed a few wet locks away from my eyes and set my gaze on a giggling Emily. She was grabbing her stomach as waves of laughter rippled through her. I grinned and swam closer to the edge.

"You did _not_ just do that" I muttered before grabbing the edge of the pool and lifting myself out.

When Emily saw me heading towards her, she squealed and darted in the opposite direction. We ran around the pool for a few minutes, laughing as I made exaggerated moves to grab Emily. In the end, I successfully managed to circle my arms around her waist and jumped in the depth of the pool with her. She gasped as we touched the water and I let her go. We fought like kids as we emerged, shoving as much water in each other's face as we could. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time and it felt impossibly good to just let go. It was nice because for a few minutes, even the very nearly unbearable sexual tension was gone. It was just Ems and I and the water. It was like we were in our own little world where nothing could touch us, nothing could reach us.

After a few minutes, I swam away from Emily though and let myself float on my back, staring at the ceiling. I heard the brunette swim somewhere and then stop. I didn't move. Mostly because I didn't need to. I could feel that she wasn't very far. An automatic smile graced my lips at the thought. I had absolutely no way of knowing if Emily and I were connected, but I'd have had a really hard time explaining how I just knew these things without really knowing.

"Naomi…" I heard the brunette whisper.

I blinked once and felt my lips tug upwards. I loved it when Emily said my name. It seemed to me like no one really said my name quite like she did. It had this way of rolling on her tongue and reaching my ears that made it the most comforting sound imaginable. I let my legs sink in the water and turned around to face my favorite twin. She was standing in a shallower area of the pool where the water went to her shoulders, her back pressed against the cold tiles. I swam in her direction and stopped just a few feet in front of her. She gave me a smile and I returned it easily. We stayed silent and I admired her a little. Her make-up had fallen on her cheeks a little and her hair was a mess, but she was still stunning in every way. My heart was thudding loudly but steadily as my eyes traced a familiar pattern along her jaw and nose, making the delicious detour across her lips. My smile grew a bit wider and I giggled.

"What?" Emily asked self-consciously lifting a hand to try and fix her hair.

I shook my head and giggled some more. I was laughing for nothing and everything at the same time. I was laughing because of just how much I loved Emily and just how foolish it even was to pretend it could be otherwise. I was also laughing at how scared I was to make a wrong move, how much pressure I was putting on my own shoulders. I lifted my hand and placed it on Emily's cheek to rub some make-up off.

"Your mascara is all over the place" I said just to justify my actions.

Of course, only a part of me actually cared at all about her mascara and it was a very small part. The main part only wanted to touch her in some way. Because how could I not? I mean we were in an empty pool, in a beautiful hotel, in our underwear in the middle of the night.

"Thanks" Emily whispered.

I felt her breath on my fingers and they twitched. I wanted to stroke her lips, just to say I had touched them. I longed for more, but yet couldn't reach out for it. Emily's eyes were dark and I could only imagine that mine were as well. Under the water, I felt Emily's hand place itself on my hip. My breath hitched and I frowned a little.

The alcohol was still present in my system, but the swim had sobered me up a lot. It was a bit of a plague though because now I could hear these ugly fearful voices in my head shouting confusing mixed messages. On the one part, I was yelling at myself to just bloody kiss the girl like I very much wanted to. But there were these other parts yelling obscene things like "she doesn't want you like _that_" or "she deserves better". I was scared shitless and would have done pretty much anything to just shut my brain up. Emily brought her hand that wasn't on my hip to my forehead and brushed a thumb on my skin until my frown had disappeared. She smiled in delight when she heard me chuckle at her actions. We lost each other in another moment then, in a staring contest that seemed very simple, but that was full of awe and admiration for the other. I didn't think I'd ever get tired of looking at her.

It felt like we had inched closer to each other when, of course, our moment was cut short again and intruded upon. We heard a door open close by and footsteps hurrying in our direction. As one, Emily and I sprung apart and lifted ourselves out of the pool. We ran to our clothes and gathered them messily before scurrying to the closest exit we could find. We ended up in a long hallway and dashed through it in our wet underwear and a fit of giggles. My heart was beating fast and I could feel a rush of adrenaline coursing through me. We had to look bloody ridiculous though, scarpering like that like the devil was after us. Luckily for us, after taking a right turn at the end of the hallway, we spotted an elevator and hid inside it before pressing the button to our floor. We got dressed hastily before arriving to our floor and making our way as fast as possible to our room. We hurried inside before closing the door behind us. We stayed immobile for a moment, our backs on the surface of the door and our chest heaving. I turned to Emily and the second our eyes met, we crumbled to the floor laughing.

"Some evening…" Emily said.

"Yeah, eventful"

The brunette nodded next to me, but grinned happily. She got up and I followed. We walked further into the room and Emily walked to her bag to retrieve what I could only guess was her pyjamas. She started to walk to the bathroom, but hesitated and stopped next to me. She looked me up and down before taking a step towards me and lifting herself on her tip toes. She kissed me softly on the cheek before pulling away.

"Thank you for the weekend" she said.

"We haven't done what I've planned yet" I stammered a little.

Emily gave me a tender look.

"It's already enough"

And after that she disappeared in the bathroom. I touched my cheek stupidly, like some lousy romcom movie character. I knew it was fucking cliché, but I couldn't really help it. I smiled to myself because if anything, I knew that Emily, in this moment, was happy and, really, I could ask for anything more. I could only hope that tomorrow would be as amazing as today had been. And not to sound too proud or anything, I had very much planned it to be.

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**First, I really have nothing against Ikea or modern decoration. I think it's quite nice actually! It just didn't fit my idea of Naomily! Second, I'm so allowed to joke about Celine because she's from my part of the world. I will always respect that woman for her amazing accomplishment, but I can't stand her music for the life of me! Her French songs are even worse in my opinion (except the really corny ones from the start of her career, those are funny!) and I very much hope none of you has ever heard them! Thirdly, I've never set foot in England let alone Manchester. I've tried to give it a nice portrayal but if I was completely off, well, sorry! As for the football comments, those aren't really personal opinions but a wee little bird told me that that's how Liverpool FC fans think :P I hope you enjoyed this and are eager for the rest of the weekend! Lemme know what you thought and if you're still reading! Thanks to you all and I give you a massive collective cyber hug! XX**

**Cheers Miss.  
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	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Yeah! Update time! How awesome is that? I'm soooo sorry for the delay! I've been a bit… OCD with this chapter and rather busy with life! I want to thank everyone of you who are still reading this and enjoying it! For all of you who reviewed the last chapter: THANK YOU! I was impressed that so many of you took the time! I swear it did make me write faster! You should know this chp is another 15 000 monster! So at least I'm coming back with lots of material : ) I hope you'll enjoy it! So here is the second part of the weekend : D**

**Before I let you read though I'll take this opportunity to thank everyone who's read my little one-shot "Smothering Love"! I was very happily surprised by the feedback since it was a Jenna centered thing! Thank you guys : ) **

**Oh also! I want to congratulate my Canadian buddy Crevette for writing and posting a brand new Naomily story! (yeah!) You should check it out and leave a lil review : ) It's called Breaking Points. **

**That is all! **

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Manifolds

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Chp. 27

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Have you ever slept in the same bed as the person you utterly love without touching her? Not even cheating just a little to say that you've at least had a little graze, a little contact. Not cheating because you don't think you could restrain yourself if you had a little touch. Because, undeniably you know you'd want more, because when it's her you're touching, the need, the desire, it becomes visceral and you really can't help it. Has anything of the likes happened to you? Then you can't understand how much pain I was in.

After kissing me on the cheek, Emily had gone into the bathroom to change and I had stayed immobile for a few seconds like a complete tosser. My brain was still trying to process that kiss, the feel of Emily's lips on my skin and the thunder like explosion that had occurred in my chest. They had been just as soft as I remembered them. I wanted nothing more than to just grab her by the shoulders and kiss her senseless. And kiss her senseless I would have; making our lips meld together so fucking perfectly like only us could, running my hands in her soft hair or pushing a hand under her shirt to trace a trail on her flawless skin.

"Fuck's sake" I muttered as I snapped myself out of it.

I needed to get my brain into gears. I couldn't keep thinking of her like that. I couldn't keep imagining things going further because I'd be undeniably disappointed. That and I'd start seeing signs where there probably weren't any. I'd start thinking Emily might have feelings for me that where more than friendly, I'd start thinking that maybe she wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss her. Letting my brain roam freely would bring moments like in the pool where I had though for an instant that Emily wanted it, wanted me to make a move, kill the friendly stalemate we had found ourselves in. And I couldn't let it think like that, I couldn't break the stalemate. Because if I broke it and Emily freaked out and it so happened she didn't want it at all, it'd break me completely. Of course there was the possibility that she wouldn't freak out, but I was too much of a coward to take the risk. As I had said before, Emily had always been the brave one, ready to put her heart on the line for me, for us. I had been brave once and it was the day I had stood in Freddie's small old shed and had told her exactly how I had always felt about her. I realized it now. What I didn't understand was how to be like this again, brave again. I need more time to figure it out, I always needed more time.

I changed out of my slightly wet clothes and wet underwear and put on a pair of grey girl briefs and a simple black tank top. I rummaged in my luggage to get my toothbrush and stuff when I heard Emily step out of the bathroom. I turned around and felt my heart do a double take in my chest. Emily was smiling at me in a small pair of girl black boxers with very small polka dots that were way too short for my sanity and a bright blue t-shirt with a cartoon toaster image on the front. Would it be stupid if I said that that outfit represented Emily perfectly? As in, it was extremely cute with the cartoon t-shirt and all, but also extremely sexy with the small shorts. And it had always amazed me how much someone so small could look like she had infinitely long legs. I gulped slowly and Emily gave me a shy smile. I walked quickly to the bathroom to brush my teeth and tried talking myself down. I needed to get some control over my urges. Fuck me it was actually ridiculous how Emily could turn me into a right pervert by doing absolutely nothing!

When I left the bathroom, Emily had climbed into the bed and had pushed the duvet aside on my side so I could do the same. She looked at me with her amazing eyes burning my very soul. There was a soft dimmed light illuminating her face, making her soft features stand out. Seriously this had to be temptation personified.

"_Sweet fucking Jesus"_ I thought. _"Please please please make me strong enough to resist this"_

I climbed in bed next to her and drew the duvet to my chin. I was lying on my back, straight like an iron rod. I must have looked pretty weird. I felt sure that Emily was giving me an odd look, but I couldn't look at her, because if I did, there was no way of knowing what would happen. No, my best bet was to stay as immobile as possible to avoid contact at all costs.

"Well… good night" I heard Emily say softly next to me before I felt the bed shift.

I was invaded by a wave of Emily's perfume and nearly melted. I shifted a glance in the brunette's direction and saw that she had lain on her side, her back facing me. Oh how I wanted to reach out and caress her hair. And how fucking creepy was that urge? I dunno how long I stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the fact that I was alone in a room and in a bed with Emily. It felt to me like I had been rummaging these thoughts all night long, but, Eventually, I must have fell asleep.

When I slowly came to the next morning, I was first invaded by the sound of the alarm I had set. I turned on my back and shut it swiftly. I stayed immobile for a few seconds before bringing my right hand to rub my eyes. And that's approximately the moment I first became conscious of my other hand. I snapped my head to the side and followed the length of my arm to the said hand. When I saw the other hand tangled with it, I followed the other arm attached to it just to make sure it really was what I think it was. When I reached the shoulder and saw that, indeed, the arm was Emily's, I let out a nervous sigh. Oh god! How had we ended up like this? I surely didn't remember falling asleep like this. Okay so it wasn't the biggest of deal. I mean, I know it was just hand holding, but my fingers were feeling tingly just from the contact with the redhead.

I let my nervousness slide then and took a moment to just look at her because… well because I could mostly. I had never needed much more reason than that. I let my eyes roam over her perfect face, smiling stupidly when Emily twitched her nose in her sleep. I could tell from the movement of her eyes beneath her eyelid that'd she was about to wake up. She shuffled in the bed a few seconds, giving my hand a squeeze as she did so.

"Nai…" I heard Emily say in her sleep and felt my heart tug.

Had she just… had she just whispered a part of my name in her sleep? Was my wishful thinking striking again? I wasn't sure if I was over confident or ridiculously obtuse. I continued to look at Emily until her stirring became more pronounced and she eventually blinked her eyes open. She seemed to take a few minutes to figure where she was and then her eyes settled on me. As if it was second nature, our eyes locked and a bomb exploded in my chest. Was it possible to love someone like this? Was it possible to feel your heart beat fast for absolutely no good reason other than "they exist"? Emily gave me a soft smile and I gave her one in return. I marvelled at her eyes, at the softness and truth of them. Emily's eyes were never deceitful like mine could be. They had this intricate quality to them so when they sparkled, they didn't do it in a common way. Emily had the power to change my soul with one glance. Actually, it was more like revealing it than changing it.

"Morning" Emily muttered.

"Morning" I whispered back.

Then Emily seemed to notice the pressure on her hand and broke our eye contact. When she saw that she was actually holding my hand, she gasped and took it off. I wondered for a second if she had thought _I_ had been holding her hand. Well, to be fair, there was no way to know if it was her or I that had held the other first. Anyway, her sudden movement broke the moment. I sighed and shifted on my other side and got up. I heard the brunette do as well but tried not to give too much attention to it. I turned around to make the bed as Emily walked to her luggage.

"What should I wear today?" She asked me.

I quirked her an eyebrow.

"Erm…" I said a bit confused.

Surely she didn't need my approval?

"Aren't we doing that _special_ thing this morning?" Emily inquired.

And that's when it clicked. She was absolutely right!

"Oh right! Well then wear sport clothes I told you to bring" I said with a smirk.

Emily nodded before grabbing whatever she had brought and making her way to the bathroom. After making sure I didn't need it, she walked in to change. I took the opportunity to change as well. I pulled on an old red anti-fur PETA t-shirt and a pair of grey cotton shorts. I rummaged a bit more in my bag and grabbed a pair of puma trainers and tied them tightly. I was done in a jiffy, but Emily still hadn't come out of the bathroom. I guessed she was probably just washing her face or something. Not much longer Emily opened the bathroom door and stepped out. And I felt bloody intimidated by her beauty… again.

When I had told her to bring sport apparel, I hadn't really thought about it. It wasn't like we were going to do anything very physical, but the sport gear would just be more comfortable. But as I took in Emily's kit, I realized I should have specified that point. The brunette was wearing what could only be described as the perfect fitness outfit and it was rather sexy. She had black Under Armour capris that fitted tightly to her body as well as an equally fitted aqua Nike T-shirt. Both were in the same synthetic fabric that was supposed to be "cool dry" or whatever. Her shoes were fancy black and aqua Nike that perfectly fitted her t-shirt almost perfectly. Emily had tied her hair into a neat ponytail and smiled sheepishly when she saw my surprised stare. Hopefully that's all she noticed and not the _please can I fuck you now_ stare I was also certainly sending her way. Seriously, no one could blame me. Those clothes were fucking glued to her and her body was toned as fuck! What else was I supposed to do?

"What?" she asked.

"Hum… You've got quite the hum… perfect sport outfit" I finished lamely.

Emily blushed furiously before looking down at herself.

"Was that too much?"

"No!" I said because she looked quite crestfallen all of a sudden.

Emily raised her eyebrow.

"Okay yes… maybe a bit" I admitted with a smirk.

To my relief, Emily wasn't horrified but chuckled a bit instead.

"I'm sorry" she said. "But my dad used to own a gym and he always spoke of the importance of wearing the right equipment. I guess it stuck with me"

"Apparently" I piped up.

"Oi, don't push it Campbell" Emily said shaking her head.

I let out a small laugh.

"Alright Fitch"

Emily sported a satisfied smile and I made my way to the bathroom. After washing my face, putting on very light make up and tying my hair in a ponytail as well, I met Emily back in the room and we left for the Hotel's reception area where a breakfast buffet was waiting. I picked up a plate and grabbed a croissant and a few grapes as Emily gathered everything she could on her own. We sat at a table and I went to get two cuppas for Ems and I. When I came back, the brunette was already half way through her plate, shovelling eggs, ham, sausages and toast down her throat. I sat and snickered a bit.

"What?" Emily said after swallowing.

"Nothing" I said still snickering.

I took a bite of my croissant and gave a surprised Emily a wink. She frowned a bit.

"What is it?" she asked again.

"Nothing!" I replied quickly.

Of course, the petite wasn't satisfied. I rolled my eyes.

"You sure can shovel it in, is all" I muttered.

Of course I already knew that my favourite twin was quite the eater, but it was still a hilarious sight. Emily blushed furiously.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" she defended.

"And you sure are prepared!" I teased.

"Cow!" Emily shot back playfully before continuing to eat.

We ate the rest of our breakfast in silence. I checked my watch and noticed it was 9h30. I jumped up because we had to be there in fifteen minutes. Of course we weren't going very far, but I didn't want to be late.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked as we walked to my car in the underground parking lot.

"You'll see soon enough" I said.

"Just tell me!" she whined giving me a cute pout.

I giggled and rolled my eyes at her. She kept pouting and I tried to avoid looking at her. What? Her pout was a deadly weapon! She could make me do anything with that! We settled in the car and Emily reached for the glove compartment to retrieve some shoelaces she had left there the day before. I laughed loudly as she started munching on it.

"Haven't you had enough to eat?" I asked dumbfounded.

Instead of replying, the brunette just shrugged and gave me a wide grin.

I shook my head and started to drive. 10 minutes later, we were driving into the Quays. Emily frowned as she took in her surroundings. There were quite a few things you could do in the Quays and I was confident Emily would not have guessed the one we were actually going to do. Maybe my Emily would have Just because it was something we had done together in the past, but this Emily was bound to be quite shocked. Which obviously was the point.

I parked my car in the first available spot I found and motioned to Emily to follow me. She did so a bit hesitatingly, but she did nonetheless. When we finally reached Salford Watersport center and Emily realized where I had meant to bring her, she stopped dead in her tracks. I smirked as I saw her eyes widen and her jaw drop.

"You're not fucking serious!" She exclaimed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

"You can't _possibly_ think I'd do that!"

I chuckled at her horrified face and continued walking.

"Naomi!" Emily hissed behind me.

I turned around and raised my eyebrow.

"You can't be serious!"

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because it's _bungee jumping_! That's why!"

I laughed again and turned right back and continued walking promptly ignoring Emily. Oh yes, I had decided to bring her bungee jumping! And although I had guessed this Emily might find the prospect frightening, I also knew the experience would be highly gratifying. And I was sure she'd do it. After all, in my reality, it had been Emily's idea!

I smirked as the souvenirs invaded me. It had been during our travels, when we finally decided to hop to the African continent. We had been in South Africa for a few days and Emily was ecstatic (as usual). She had ridden an African Elephant earlier in the day and had taken lessons at making beads bracelets and necklaces from the Zulus. I had for my part, failed at making jewellery, making the Zulus snigger with an endless swearing rant they probably didn't understand, and caught a massive sunburn. Nevertheless, we were both in quite a good mood when Emily had seen an add about the bungee jumping at the Bloukrans bridge. Being my little bundle of energy and a total firecracker, Emily had immediately wanted to go. When she had first proposed the idea, I went so pale that my sunburn disappeared for a minute. I was completely mortified. I had argued about how I wasn't sure I trusted the African safety measures but Emily had only laughed it off. When I had said we could die, she had retorted that she didn't mind dying because we were together and had travelled and she was blissfully happy. Needless to say I wasn't very convinced by her argument. In the end, I had agreed because Emily had called me a pussy and had accused me of being afraid. Of course, that struck my ego directly and I had scoffed loudly announcing I was _not_ afraid. After that, I didn't really have a choice but to go.

I remember as we walked beneath the bridge in a catwalk made mostly of cords. I wanted to puke and my legs were shaking, but Emily had been nearly skipping.

"Aren't you a bit scared?" I had asked her because I certainly was (not that I ever admitted it).

We were several hundred feet in the air after all! Emily had turned to face me and had given me her ever so soft smile and shook her head.

"How come?" I had asked dumbfounded.

"Because we're not ready to go Nai. We've got too much to live and now that we've got each other, we'll live them" She had replied simply like this was the outmost truth.

Strangely enough, it had calmed me right down. At least until I was tied by my ankles and about to jump from the bridge. But then I had and I would never forget the feeling. Freedom is a hard concept to grasp and feeling that concept is even harder. But when I jumped from that ledge and just _let go_ I couldn't have described it with any other word. For that moment, all my ties to this world were non-existent and overwhelming at the same time. All my worries, all my fears or troubles, none of them mattered. Of course it was somewhat terrifying, but as my body hurtled to the ground with growing speed, the fear was actually liberating. Like I wasn't a thinking entity, but just part of this earth. I was extra sensitive to my surroundings as if they weren't surroundings but more like a part of me. I could almost see every fish in the river below, feel the wind on every inch of my body, see every movement in the forest. When I had been hoisted back up on the bridge, back to my Emily, I ridiculously felt like I was changed. Not in the "Epiphany" kind of way, but more like I was in on a special secret. I had tumbled in Emily's arms and snogged the life out of her, getting a cheer from a few guys from the Bungee Jump crew. Adrenaline was still pumping hard in my veins and in hers and it had made the experience even more satisfying.

Of course the jump in Manchester wasn't as high as it had been in Africa and the environment wasn't as gorgeous, but I knew the very decent 300ft leap and experience itself would be enough. I had said I wanted to get my daring Emily out of her shell, well this was the best way I had found to do so. I couldn't fathom that she'd jump and _not_ feel it. The fact that this Emily seemed so reticent to jump was further proof that she had to. She couldn't keep living like that, shutting up about what she cared. It'd kill her in the end and I would not just stand there and watch as she let herself be consumed. Emily had a voice and a mind and both were worth to be heard. A force of nature couldn't be contained or it would self-destruct. I would not let Emily self-destruct. I wanted Emily to do this so she could push the limits she seemed to have installed in her life, push herself beyond those and see that she was still standing and still strong afterwards. I also wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to trust that I knew this would be alright. I wanted her to see how much I thought she was able to accomplish, then, maybe, she'd see it too. And Emily was buried so deep in herself with the years of repression installed by Katie and probably Jim that she needed something big to break her out of it. I had to let her in on the secret that freedom wasn't that complex and out of reach.

I walked on and heard Emily whine behind me.

"Naomi stop" she said and I heard her voice cracking.

I turned around suddenly concerned. When I saw the look of utter anguish on her soft features, I strolled back to her and gripped her face between my hands.

"Hey what's wrong" I cooed softly.

Emily was breathing heavily, clearly on the brink of tears.

"I can't do this Naoms! This is too much!"

"Why?" I inquired.

"I'm just not brave enough"

"That's nonsense!" I replied forcefully.

Emily looked at me startled.

"Emily…" I said softly letting my hands fall from her cheeks to her shoulders. "You _can_ do this"

The brunette hesitated.

"But it's so high" she said staring at the crane behind us with fear.

"Nothing you can't handle, besides, it's very safe"

The petite was silent again. She looked at the big sign announcing the jump and the prices and frowned. I was a bit scared she'd have a nervous breakdown to be honest. There was so much anguish in her eyes that if I hadn't been so sure this would break her out of her self-imposed walls, I might have backed down. But I just _knew_ she'd be okay. Emily was much stronger than she seemed to believe. It infuriated me a bit that she didn't know that and I had a reflex to blame Katie for it.

"Ok" she muttered when she faced me again.

"Ok?" I repeated grinning, feeling relieved about her decision.

Emily nodded and I grinned even more. I was about to turn around when Emily gripped my hand.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Just… just one condition" she stammered.

"What?"

The petite hesitated. I raised an eyebrow and she shifted on her feet. She was avoiding my gaze as bit as well. I gave her hand a squeeze and when she looked back at me, I gave her an encouraging smile. That seemed to do the trick.

"Jumpwithme" Emily said.

"Pardon?" I found myself asking in return.

"Jump with me" she repeated normally this time.

I bit my bottom lip in thoughts. Tandem jumping (or the lover's leap, oh the irony) required us to be holding on to each other. I wasn't sure if this was the best of idea. Being close to Emily was unnerving, especially physically close. On the other hand though, the brunette was giving me such a pleading look that it was quite heartless to say no. And if she really didn't jump if I didn't join her… I guess I really had to do it… What a sacrifice that would be…

"Ok" I said with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah sure" I confirmed.

"Thank you!" Emily exclaimed properly beaming.

I shrugged and started walking to the counter again. Emily let go of my hand and I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. When we reached the counter, we were greeted by a young looking lad with a messy mob of dirty blond hair.

"Woh!" he exclaimed as he turned around to face us. "You're like… that hot lesbo on telly!" He finished pointing a finger at me.

I felt the annoyance prickle at my intestine. Was that supposed to be a proper greeting?

"Hum, excuse me" I said coldly. "I've got a reservation under the name Campbell"

"Well fuck me! You _are_ the lesbo bitch! Ain't you used to be minister or summat?"

"Euh and who the fuck do you think you are?" I snapped.

"Wohh there tiger, I'm just saying" The teen replied lifting his hands in the air. "Proper chick you were dating though mate, too bad you let that go eh? I bet she was proper feisty in the sack!"

I frown and gritted my teeth. I was using every fiber of self-control in my body not to yell at the stupid boy.

"Although I must say you ain't replaced her with someone too bad! You're new bird is proper fit! Must be good to be a celeb! You get to fuck all the nice birds. Is she a feisty shag? The shy ones always are innit?" the teen said proudly, pointing to Emily with his chin.

"Don't talk of her like that!" I barked.

I was about to add something when another guy came up behind him and put a firm palm on his shoulder.

"Alright there Brice, the loos need some washing, get to it" he said.

The teen looked like he was about to complain, but when he spotted my red angry face, he disappeared without protest. I think it was wiser for his health that he did.

"We're terribly sorry for this rude welcome Ms. Campbell, my name is Mark and I'll be helping you prepare for your bungee jump" the new man said.

I was still out for blood and very ready to snap at him, but Emily placed a careful hand on my forearm, successfully calming me down at once. It was amazing that she could always do that so simply. I looked at her and she gave me a soft understanding smile. I breathed in nice and slow before sighing.

"Right… well, as I was _trying_ to say, I've got a reservation for 2 at 10" I said in a tone that was as polite as I could manage.

Which probably meant it was fucking rude. Oh well… Mark took a bunch of papers and nodded slowly. He handed me and Emily two sheets after that.

"Here are some consent forms I'd like you to fill out and sign before we can get you ready for the jump. Will it be two solos or a tandem?" He asked politely.

"A tandem please" I replied my voice losing all its coolness to be replaced by a bit of shyness.

The shyness didn't last long though when Emily gave me a huge smile. Mark nodded again and we filled out the forms. I giggled a bit when I saw Emily's face pale as she read the "death warnings". When we were both done, Mark stepped out from behind his desk and led us to a scale. He then proceeded to weight both of us, scribbling the number on her hands. Urgh, I fucking hated that part. When we were done, he led us to a bunch of chairs and told us to wait for a few minutes. As we did, I could tell Emily was slowly getting nervous. She was playing with her fingers fretfully and kept chewing on her bottom lip. We hadn't been waiting long when Mark came back with two sets of harness. He proceeded to strap me and Emily then making sure everything was as tight as it needed to be. When he put the straps around Emily's ankles, the petite gave me half a smile. I smiled back because she really looked like she needed support to get through this.

I felt a twinge of unease at one point. I was wondering if Emily would have a heart attack before jumping or if she'd go through with it. Then I berated myself. I shouldn't doubt Emily, not my Emily. She was much stronger than this. Not only could she make the jump, she could also proper nail it. It was disconcerting to see her so subdued, yes, but I had to keep in mind that, really, Emily was a force of nature. This jump would free her, not freak her out. And I couldn't wait to see the real her shine through.

After finishing setting both Emily and I up, Mark waved us goodbye and instructed us to wait until someone else came to give us a few instructions before jumping. We sat back down in our chairs and this time, Emily shot her hand out to grab mine. By the amount of squeezing she was doing, I could tell she was very nervous. I didn't say anything because words were quite pointless at this stage. We didn't have to wait long as it took only a few minutes before another man came up to us. He looked a bit younger than Emily and I and had a nice genuine smile.

"Hello ladies" he greeted politely. "My name is Daniel and I'll be you're jumping instructor"

I nodded slowly and chanced a look at Emily who was as pale as ever.

"If I've got my info right, you two will be jumping tandem this morning right?" he asked.

Again, I nodded.

"Alright" Daniel continued. "Before we step into the crane, I'm going to show you a few things you have to know before jumping, okay? If you ladies will stand up…"

Ems and I did as told.

"Right, so the first thing you've got to know is how to properly position yourself"

Daniel walked a bit closer to us, grabbing us by the shoulders so we would face each other.

"Okay so the shortest person of the two in this case…"

"Emily" the brunette squeaked.

"Emily… Has got to hold onto the waist of her partner" Daniel finished.

The boy placed a careful hand on Emily's back and urged her to walk closer to me. I held my breath as her front leaned against mine and as I felt Emily's arms snake around my waist.

"You might want to hold onto your wrist to have a tighter hold" Daniel said showing the position to Emily who nodded and adopted it.

The boy smiled and turned to me.

"As for you, Ms. Campbell…"

"It's just Naomi today" I corrected him with a smile.

"Okay" Daniel piped up happily. "Alright then, so as for you Naomi, while you will first jump, you need to hold onto Emily around her shoulders"

I lifted my arms and did as I was told, locking my hands around my wrists as well. God it felt fucking good to have Emily pressed up against me like that. It was a bit amazing how comfortable we were. Daniel nodded appreciatively at our position before continuing.

"Okay, next!" he said as Emily and I reluctantly (at least on my part) untangled ourselves from each other. "Since this is a jump over water, there a position you have to adopt as you come near the lowest point in your jump"

We both nodded.

"Naomi" Daniel said turning to me. "When you see that you're close to the water, you'll have to let go of Emily's shoulders and put your arms like this"

The boy lifted his arms in the air grabbing his hands above his head a bit like a diving position. I nodded and repeat the movement.

"Perfect" he said. "While Naomi is doing that, you, Emily, need to keep on holding tight. It's very important that you guys stay as glued together as possible alright?"

Emily nodded frantically, taking a step closer to me as if that'd help for later. I chuckled a bit. Daniel clapped his hands together in appreciation before giving us a mischievous grin.

"Last question ladies, do you want to touch the water today?"

"We can touch the water?" Emily asked rather fast. "Isn't that… dangerous?"

"Not in the least!" Daniel assured. "It's actually quite fun and I recommend it"

"Okay yeah sure" I said.

Emily gave me a bit of an annoyed look and I shrugged. She'd get over it.

"Good choice! Just note that we aim for the fingertips, but you can get as deep as the waist"

With that, the boy turned around to walk to the crane and Emily gaped. I outright laughed at her mortified expression.

"You think this is funny?" She asked grumpily.

"Oh come on Ems, it's just a bit of water" I said teasingly.

The petite scowled at me but didn't argue further. It only took a minute before Daniel was back anyway.

"Now I'm going to double check your harnesses and we're going to get into that crane, you ready?" he said excitedly.

I smiled and nodded while Emily gulped audibly. Daniel went about checking both our harnesses before looking satisfied and leading us to the blue crane's cabin. It wasn't very large, but could fit us three easily along with another guy who seemed to be the crane's operator. We stepped into the cabin and Daniel closed the metallic door. When the cabin started moving upwards and I heard Emily whimper a bit to my side. I gently took her hand in mine, interlacing our fingers together. I slowly started tracing circles on the Brunette's hand. I knew it would appease her, it always did. Emily lowered her gaze and looked at our hands. I could see that her eyes were following my thumb's movement as well. I felt her tense body relax a little.

"It's going to be fine" I muttered as I got my lips closer to her ear.

Emily snapped her head up to look at me. She gave me a soft smile and shuffled a bit closer to me.

"I know" she replied in a low voice.

She kept our eye contact and I had a feeling I was the cause of why she knew it would be alright. God I wish I was. I wanted nothing more than to be her anchor and for her to trust me enough to be her anchor when she was afraid.

We rose into the air slowly. The higher we got, the windier it got as well. Emily seemed to have found solace in our hand holding as she looked much more comfortable. If one thing was for certain though, it was that the view was fabulous. As we soared into the air in our little metallic blue bubble, we got to see just how amazing Manchester really was. All around us, we could see the buildings and structures, but we could also see the fields and nature in the distance. It wasn't Africa, but it was beautiful in a way even Africa could never be because it was England, it was _home_.

I chanced a little look at the ground and felt my heart do a somersault. Okay so yeah it had been my idea, but that didn't mean I couldn't get nervous as well! We were after all about to jump from a 300 feet high crane. I wasn't afraid of heights, but 300 feet was a lot. I took in bigger breath and Emily looked at me curiously. I gave her a small smile and she tugged at my hand.

"You're not allowed to be nervous!" She said indignantly.

"I'm not" I shot back.

"You're really not allowed!"

I giggled than because an afraid Emily really was the cutest thing in the world. When she heard me laughing though, the brunette seemed to calm down. Then the crane stopped moving and there went her relaxed features. She looked around us and realized we were at the required high. I felt her tremble a bit. Daniel gave us a confident grin and started tying us to the rope. He checked the whole set up again before his colleague did the same. It may have seemed repetitive but it was damn reassuring.

"Alright ladies, this is it. You ready? Emily?" the boy said sensing automatically who was more nervous.

The brunette tried to smile, but she was so afraid it looked like she was about to cry. I took a step closer to her with the excuse of getting ready for the jump. When I opened my arms, the petite closed the gap between us and pressed herself completely against my front, her nose buried in my chest. Daniel gave me a raised eyebrow, silently asking me if she was going to be okay and when I gave him a genuine smile and a nod, he seemed reassured. The boy opened the metallic door of the crane to give us an access to jump and I moved myself and Emily closer. I couldn't help but look at the ground then. I felt a little sick at the sight again. Fucking hell this was high. I felt Emily's small body shiver against me and somehow I could tell she was holding in a whimper. She wasn't looking at anything either as she was way too busy hiding her face. There was no way we were jumping like that. I gave a sharp look at Daniel who had been about to talk and he shut up immediately. I lowered my head so that my lips would be right next to Emily's ear.

"Emily" I whispered to get her attention.

I felt her stir a bit so I carried on.

"Don't be afraid little fierce Fitch" I said with a smirk on my lips.

At my words, Emily slowly raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes were glazing with a thousand emotions. I could see all the fear, but more than anything I could see doubt. Doubt that she could do this, that she could do something so bold. I smiled at her and nodded slowly as if answering her unsaid questions.

"_Yes"_ My eyes said to her. _"Yes you _can_ do this. This and many more things. _Trust me_" _

And as if I had spoken those words out loud, Emily understood perfectly. I was glad to see resolve in her eyes now. She broke our eye contact to look at the ground, at where we had to jump, and when she met my gaze again, I knew she was ready. I could see the fire blazing in her beautiful brown orbs. The fear was gone, this was my brave Emily. I smiled at her again and shot a glance at Daniel. The boy grinned playfully and got closer.

"Alright! So on the count of three yeah?"

We both nodded. I tightened my hold on Emily and she did the same.

"ONE, TWO, THREE!"

Without any second thoughts, I launched myself to the side and the petite followed. Next second, obviously, we were free falling in the morning air of Manchester. I gasped audibly and it really felt like my heart had stayed on the platform as we plummeted down towards the water. Emily, for her part, had yelped loudly and squeezed me as tightly as she could. It was just as exhilarating as I remembered though. As the pressure and speed increased, I felt liberated. My heart was pulsing fast against Emily's. The second I felt the pull of the rope around my ankles, I started giggling. Fuck this feeling was amazing. The most beautiful thing though was that Emily was laughing along with me. I let go of her shoulders to position myself as I had been instructed. A few seconds later, Emily and I were plunging into the water's depths and coming back up. We were both still laughing as we soared back into the sky and fell all over again. I was completely elated, letting the same inexplicable feeling of freedom overwhelm me again. Somehow, it felt even better than the first time around. Maybe Emily's presence right there with me was a big part of it. I brought my arms around her again battling the idea of kissing her Spiderman style that had settled in my brain. I didn't though and we were lowered into a little boat that was waiting for us.

We didn't say a word to each other, as we made our way back to the shore quietly. When we did though, Emily turned around instantly to stare at me. I could tell her legs were a bit wobbly from the feeling of the jump and so were mine. The next second, the brunette had jumped forward and thrown her arms around my neck. I welcomed her just like it was where she belonged because… well it was. Her body melded into mine as she hugged me close to her. I felt her burry her face in my neck and couldn't have been more happy. Okay so we were wet and it was a bit uncomfortable, but I didn't give a fuck. I held Emily for as long as she let me, burying my own nose in her hair, closing my eyes even and letting myself get lost in the moment.

"Thank you so much" I heard my petite goddess say in my ear.

I held her closer before saying:

"You're welcome"

A few moments later, Emily let go of me and when I saw her face, I swear my heart just stopped. Because Emily was just so gorgeous as she beamed at me that it couldn't take it. The brunette was properly glowing. Her eyes were full of mischief and amusement, her smirk was confident and goddamn sexy, her skin was vibrating and her whole demeanour showed just a whole new level of assurance. _This_ was my Emily, unleashed from the depths of her self-created inertia.

"It was fucking fantastic!" she exclaimed looking at the crane.

I nodded knowingly.

"I can't believe I did it!" she continued, looking at the crane with awe.

"I knew you could" I said.

Emily looked back at me and smiled, her eyes full of mirth.

"Of course I could! I _am_ a fierce Fitch after all!" She shot back.

I raised my eyebrow at her, but felt my grin widen. Fuck me! I hadn't expected the jump to have such an immediate impact on her.

"You didn't look so confident earlier when you were practically shitting yourself were you?" I teased.

Emily scoffed, but laughed nonetheless. She knew I had a point and of course.

"What do we do now?" she asked when she was done.

"Dunno" I shrugged. "It's up to you really"

"Can we jump again?" she asked excitedly.

I chuckled at her glinting eyes and over excited expression. She really was the cutest thing ever.

"I don't think so. We'd need another reservation" I said.

"Oh" Emily replied looking sad. "Oh but wait! How much did this cost you?"

I gave her a smirk and a shrug. There was no way I was going to tell her _that_.

"Don't worry about it"

"No! How much? Come on Nai! This whole weekend is costing you way too much!" she said her eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh please Ems! I've got the funds. Don't worry about me. Besides, I wanted to. Okay?"

"But…"

"No!" I cut her off. "This is me treating you to a bit of fun and luxury. Deal with it"

Emily smiled then and the glint was back in her eyes. She took a step closer to me before bringing her arms around my neck again. She lifted herself on her toes as she pulled my head down a bit. Then, she placed a careful kiss on my cheek. I felt my skin ooze at the contact and I couldn't help but notice that her lips seemed to linger a bit. Not that I minded at all. Emily let me go after that and looked at me in such a beautiful bashful expression that I very nearly grabbed her by the waist and snogged her for all I was worth.

"You really are an amazing woman" Emily said quietly, honesty pouring out of her eyes.

"And here I was thinking you thought I was _a cunt who thinks she can get away with anything just because she used to be minister_" I teased reminding her of what Jim had said all those weeks ago at Katie's fundraiser.

"Cheeky cow!" Emily accused.

"Oh shut it, you love it"

"I do…" Emily muttered her face growing red.

I stared at her for a few seconds and, when Emily brought her gaze down, I lifted my hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She looked back up at me again.

"I mean it though, thank you, no one's ever done anything like that for me" Emily said still blushing.

"No one?" I asked surprised.

The subtext of this question was "Not even Jim".

"No, no one" the brunette replied.

The subtext of her reply was clearly "No, not even him". It hurt my heart a little. Her husband was a fuckwit.

"Well, they ought to have done" I stated bringing my hand back to me when I realized I had been brushing my fingers on her cheek a little.

We had another one of those silent staring contest that was filled with meaning and unsaid words, but, again, I let it pass.

"Anyway, care to change now?" I ended up saying.

Emily nodded and we walked back to the car. I drove us back to the hotel so we could change into proper clothes. Emily took a few things from her bag before walking into the bathroom as usual. I grabbed my own things from my luggage and started changing. I didn't feel like wearing anything too complicated so I settled on an old pair of jeans that were ripped on the left knee, but still were the most comfortable thing ever. Then, I pulled on a white tank top and a slightly large crimson jumper with a large collar. I put on a pair of simple black Vans and pulled my hair loose again. It was still a bit wet from the dive in the quays, but not much. I brushed a hand in it and pinned the fringe back, but didn't do much else. Emily excited the bathroom a few seconds later, her hair also loose now. She was wearing a grey hoodie and bright purple jeans. I had to laugh.

"What?" she asked me a bit indignant.

"Your pants make you look like you're 17" I joked.

She scoffed and raised an eyebrow.

"Because your ripped jeans make you look so much _older_" she shot back.

I chuckled but said nothing. She had a good point after all.

"Anyway, where to?" I asked. "Anywhere you wanted to go?"

Emily bit on her bottom lip, seemingly hesitant.

"Go on" I urged her.

"Well… I quite wanted to check out Canal Street" she said tentatively.

"Canal Street?" I repeated surprised.

"Well… yeah…"

I gawked at her for a few seconds then, because Canal Street was the gay district of Manchester. And although it would have been a very Emily thing to do in my reality, in this one where she was married to a man, I couldn't fathom that she wanted to go on Canal Street. I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but I didn't have a problem with it per se. It was just that if I imagined this Emily being just plain gay, hiding in a straight marriage… I'm not sure I would be able to contain myself. And the last time I had kissed her in an alternate reality, things had gone to shit afterwards. I didn't want to lose her.

Of course there had been this moment in the club when Ems had kissed my neck (or went "leech style" as Cook had eloquently stated it) that suggested Emily wasn't completely straight and wouldn't freak out so much if I _did_ make a move on her. Even I couldn't deny that that hadn't been a very straight thing to do. And okay, maybe there had also been all these looks and moments we kept sharing since the beginning of the weekend. And the moment in the pool the night before where I had thought for a second she wanted me to kiss her…

Everything seemed to be adding up, yet I was still paralyzed by my own stupid fear. Unable to act like the coward I had always been. I could try to disguise it as much as I wanted, pretend it was all noble reasons of wanting to protect her or whatever, but thing was, I was still scared. Yet I wanted her more than anything. So much that I could feel every tiny detail her presence had on my body. Whether it was some shivers, a quicker heartbeat, a stutter or a feeling of pure ecstasy, I could feel it all. My body was in tuned with hers it seemed and it demanded nothing else than to reunite. I wanted everything about us to be intertwining. I wanted our breaths to mix on our skin and our limbs to tangle so much we wouldn't be able to tell which was whose. In my fantasies, there was also a lot of mumbling and moans, either whispered in attentive ears or gasped through panting breaths.

I probably stared at her for a moment too long because Emily gave me a confused look. I snapped out of my trance with a furious blush covering my cheeks. Now was definitely not the time for my imagination to get lost in a sea of Emily fantasy.

"Yeah sure let's go" I said.

The petite brunette smiled widely and headed for the door. I waited for her to put on her white converse and followed her out the door when she was done. We walked alongside each other in silence, but I noticed Emily kept shooting me glances. I waited for her to be done, but when we walked into the lobby and she was still doing it, I snapped.

"Okay Fitch. Out with it. What are you looking at?"

Emily looked surprise for a second before her expression turned to hesitant. She traced her eyes up and down my body then and when she connected her eyes with mine, they were full of confidence. She gave me a ridiculously sexy smirk before replying:

"I was just thinking how good red looks on you"

And with that, she turned around and walked out the building. I followed half a second later. Fuck me this girl was sexy when she was being confident. That and her comment about red looking good on me had brought my mind to another much naughtier road than the color of my jumper. But of course, Emily hadn't meant it like that. Her hair wasn't red in this reality after all. But still, at her words, my brain had fired up many images of a very mischievous redhead straddling my hips. When I stepped outside, Emily was still looking triumphal, proud as hell of her little quip. I gave her my famous eye roll, but she only chuckled.

"You know your eye roll would be much more effective if you weren't blushing so much" She said smirking.

I raised my eyebrow at her exclaiming:

"Jesus! What have I created? Bringing you bungee jumping has turned you into a very cheeky _little_ bugger!"

"You love it" Emily echoed my earlier words with a wink. "And I'm _not_ little!"

"I do" I replied nonplussed. "And you _are_ a midget"

"Oi!"

Emily tried tackling me for the insult, but her eyes were glowing with amusement. Mine were probably as well to be honest.

"You can't fight me Emily, you're a _midget_. You've got the whole height disadvantage" I continued to tease.

"Will you _stop_ calling me a midget? If anything, you're the abnormal one with those ridiculously long legs!" Emily shot back a surprised look appearing on her face as she realized what she had actually said.

I grinned wickedly.

"You've been looking at my legs Ems?" I asked in a fake innocent voice.

The brunette blushed slightly looking sheepish before composing her features and giving me an indifferent shrug.

"Maybe I have. Are you bothered?"

"Oh no, by all means, look as much as you want. My legs really _are_ stunning aren't they?"

"Don't flatter yourself Campbell, they're not that great" Emily said playfully.

"Says the person who's been staring at them…"

Emily started chuckling away and so did I. Were we really flirting? I think we were. Oh god, we were. And it was so… natural, effortless. Flirting with Emily had to be the easiest thing in the world. And really… I never wanted to stop. As we walked towards Canal Street and chatted a bit, I noticed that my heart had started pumping faster and I could feel my lust for Emily growing in the pit of my stomach. I realized our little bout of flirting had awakened it more than I had expected. Could you really blame me though? Not only did I love Emily with all I was worth, but she really was sexy as hell. Especially with her new found playfulness… There was also the fact that she'd keep touching me in small ways as we talked. She kept shoving me if I made a rude comment, touching my arm if she was saying something more important or tapping my shoulder to point me something. This constant contact was great, more than great in fact. But it was unnerving and it was not helping me control my urges. This whole thing, this whole weekend, me and her just lazily strolling down the streets of Manchester, it was all so bloody perfect. I wasn't sure how I'd deal when it was over.

In what seemed like no time at all, we had reached Canal Street. Without much show, we started walking along it, stopping at times to look at the local shops or at the canal itself. It really was beautiful though. The canal wasn't very large and we could hear the soft sound of the water travelling lazily along it. There were a few people talking and walking around as well, but the general aspect of it was very calming. People weren't hurried or stressed here, they were just enjoying time, very much like Emily and I were. The buildings on the other side of the canal were old, but completely gorgeous. The shops windows were level with the paved ground and there were many chairs and tables alongside the water.

Emily kept chatting away as if she was the most comfortable woman in the world. All around us, I could see couples of woman walking hand in hand, giggling together and kissing softly. God how would I have loved to be one of those… We walked for a few seconds when the sound coming from an outdoor TV caught my attention.

"_Samantha Wells, ex-wife of ex-minister and TV host Naomi Campbell has been sighted with a new flame! Rumours had mentioned the famous married couple to have split over Wells' infidelities, but it sure seems like those claims could be confirmed. Wells was seen late last night in a hit restaurant of Bristol exchanging wine and kisses with a woman that certainly wasn't her blonde ex-wife. Even with these new facts though, neither women's publicist will confirm the allegations on Wells' infidelities. If one thing looks certain though is that Campbell's rudeness has finally earned her what she deserved"_

I stayed stock still, looking at the screen in a bit of a daze. The news broadcast had showed snapshots of Sam and, sure enough, she had been with… whatever that girl's name had been. But above all, she looked happy. I felt stupid for being a little upset that she had replaced me so quickly. But then again, she had started replacing me ages ago… Also, it was a very hypocritical thing to think since here I was spending a little weekend with Emily. Okay so Emily and I weren't romantically involved, but that didn't change the fact that I was with her and not with Sam.

"You okay?" Emily said trailing her fingers on my forearm.

I shivered at her touch and turned to look at her.

"Hum" I hummed in response before turning to look at the telly again.

"Hey" Emily said a bit louder, grabbing my shoulder to make me turn around.

I did the childish thing for a bit and avoided the eye contact. Of course I ended up relenting. I always ended up relenting when it came to Emily.

"You're upset" She stated matter-of-factly.

I gave her a shrug, but when I saw her frown in concern and her expression darken I felt compelled to say something.

"It's just… I wish I didn't mind at all you know?"

Emily nodded slowly. She let go of my shoulder than and kept on walking. It was my time to frown. What was wrong with her?

"Hum… Ems?" I said catching up. "You alright?"

"yeah… I'm just such a tit…" she said reprimanding herself.

"Huh? Why?"

"Well here I am laughing and talking to you about a hundred stupid things and I didn't even think of asking you how you were… I'm a shit… friend"

"Hey Ems it's okay"

"It's not! I've been selfish…" Emily trailed off.

She stopped walking and turned her gaze to the ground. Her hair fell in front of her eyes.

"I should have known you were still hurting… You still love her" The brunette said in a very small voice.

I didn't reply anything right away because I was still trying to figure what was upsetting Emily so much. There was something more about her demeanour, I felt sure of it. Like there was something she wasn't telling me.

"Ems… No" I muttered.

She lifted her head again and looked at me frowning.

"Of course you do, she was your wife"

The petite looked so upset then that I wanted to take her in my arms. She was biting on her bottom lip frantically and her right leg was twitching. I wasn't sure what she was so upset about, but I couldn't stand it.

"Ems! Listen to me okay? I don't"

Emily was still frowning and twitching so I took a step closer. When I was close enough, the petite brought her arms up and circled my waist. I was a bit surprised but hugged her back naturally. Surprised or not, hugging Emily was still second nature. The brunette made a movement as if to bury her nose in my shirt, but she refrained herself. She pulled away slightly, keeping her hands on my hip bones. She looked up at me still frowning.

"I'm sorry… I'm being silly" she said sheepishly. "I'd understand if you still loved her… It's okay"

"I don't" I said more confidently.

I didn't understand why it mattered so much to my perfect little twin. Was she that worried for having been a bad friend? Not that she had anyway. Emily gave me a hesitant smile. I felt the thumb of her right hand draw patterns on my hip bone through my jeans. I clenched my teeth. It felt so good, yet I knew it didn't mean the same to Emily as it did to me. Did she realize the effect she had on me? I'd have thought after the club events it would be obvious…

We didn't stay like that too long though and before long, Emily had pulled back and we had resumed walking. We carried on talking a bit awkwardly at first, but soon enough, the tension evaporated and we were back to joking around. I felt a bit better but what I had heard on the telly was still bothering me. Not so much the part about Sam because, let's face it, I should have expected something of the likes, but the part about me getting what I deserved. Had I been such a horrible person for the media to portray me like that?

It didn't take long before Emily's stomach decided we needed to eat. We grabbed a table outside near the canal even if the sky was turning greyer by the minute. The weather was still pretty warm and it was much nicer to eat outside anyway. We ordered two different meals but ended up trading bites all through dinner. We had some beer to mix with the food as well. It was fun, it was light, it was a bit too much of both. Every time I'd take some food on my fork and feed Emily, I forgot everything for a moment. I forgot I wasn't in my reality, I forgot Emily wasn't my long-time girlfriend, I forgot she was married to a man… It was easy to forget mind, because right in this moment, we were just like we had always been. Emily commented on everything that crossed her mind while I whined about them. Emily giggled, the shape of her jaw illuminated by the soft candle on our table. She was beautiful, god she really was. Emily ordered dessert, I nearly didn't until she gave me a puppy eyed look. I ordered the dessert that Emily had nearly chosen. Of course, I knew the petite would end up eating most of both. We ordered glasses of cider to drink with our dessert. The tastes mixed in our mouths as we kept exchanging forks. It was akin to ecstasy really. I was feeling a bit high on the food, the alcohol and Emily. Every time she let out her familiar throaty laugh, the velvet sounds revolved in the air and seem to lodge themselves right in my chest, next to my heart. My heart that was about ready to burst with love.

The rest of the afternoon went away without us noticing and so did the evening. Before long, it was around 11 pm and both Emily and I decided to head back. We were pretty beat to be honest. We walked slowly towards the hotel. The air was rather cool, a strong breeze blowing in the night. Sadly, there weren't any stars in the sky. I guessed it must have been filled with clouds still. We had to be about half way to our hotel when the air got really thick. I could smell the change and when the first drop of rain connected with my skin, I was already expecting it. What I hadn't quite expected though was for the rain to be an actual downpour. I gasped at the cold water and Emily yelped in surprise. I grabbed her hand and darted down the streets with her in tow. When we were right in front of the building though the brunette let go of my hand. I stopped under the large stone arches of our hotel while Emily remained on the sidewalk under the rain.

"What are you doing?" I asked her loudly to cover the sound of the storm.

"I like the rain!" Emily replied nonplussed.

"You're going to get sick!" I argued.

And sick, she would be. Even I was completely drenched and I had stepped out of the rain as soon as I could. Emily didn't seem to mind though. She was standing still, smiling her ever so soft smile. Her hair was plastered on her forehead, her jeans were dark purple now and her hoodie looked black. But still, she didn't move and just smiled at me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and raised my eyebrow.

"Are you planning on standing under it all night then?" I asked.

"Have you ever danced in the rain Naomi?" Emily asked ignoring my question altogether.

"_Yes"_ was the reply I wanted to say. Because I had, with her actually. But I couldn't tell her that. And I couldn't tell her I had done it with anyone else. Dancing in the rain was Emily's _thing_ you see. She just loved it. I had no idea why, but she had, on a few occasions, succeeded in making me dance with her. But tonight, I couldn't do that. It was too intimate, dancing with Emily was too intimate. I couldn't afford to lose myself in her. It was too dangerous if I did.

"You can't be bloody serious Emily! It's pissing it down!"

"Oh please, it's just a bit of rain. It's not going to kill you" Emily quipped.

"Tell that to the pneumonia you're going to catch!" I shot back grumpily.

Emily laughed and raised her hand towards me.

"Dance with me Naomi Campbell" she said in a strong voice.

Her eyes were set and so was her jaw. She really wanted to do this and I couldn't refuse her even if my brain was yelling at me to do so. I was walking a fine line now, but I couldn't walk back. So I walked out from under my protection and stepped right into the rain. I tried to supress a shiver as the cold water connected with me once again. I walked right up to Emily and took her hand.

"There isn't even any music" I complained for good measures.

Emily smirked and tugged me closer to her. When the brunette lifted her free hand slowly and placed it on my shoulder, I felt my free hand settle in the small of her back. Emily lifted our joined hands a bit.

"There still is no music" I whispered.

Emily chuckled before taking another step towards me so that our fronts were lightly touching. As cold as the rain was, when I felt the petite's breath on my neck, I was completely warm all of a sudden. Then, Emily started humming a tune as she started moving calmly to it. I followed her lead for a bit, but when the brunette started singing softly "we are young", I forgot I was supposed to be opposed to this dancing idea. I pulled Emily closer and started leading her instead. Of course, she fell into it like it was nothing. I twirled her in front of me before pulling her close again.

"Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world of fire. We can burn brighter, than the sun" Emily sang in my ear as we danced easily.

I smiled as I twirled her again. She giggled, cutting off the song, but kept on singing after. It was beautiful, the song felt perfect coming from her lips. Her voice was throaty and sexy and right now, just for me. I let the lyrics wash over me as well, the chorus really striking me. I didn't know if it was a message or if it was me imagining things. Maybe it was me, maybe I was bias because I knew how Emily and I _could_ burn brighter than the sun when we were together.

Emily changed songs and started humming again. I twirled her a few more times and we giggled together. We were drenched to the core, our clothes clinging to every inch of our skin, but we couldn't have cared less. It felt like the world around us had disappeared, like it was just us two left. It felt to me like Emily was shining brighter than I had ever seen her in this reality. Her worries and submissive ways were gone for now as she just allowed herself to live. Her laugh was pure floating in the air, mixing with the rain, engulfing us deeper. I looked at her smile when I twirled her for the umpteenth time and felt a pang right in my heart. How could I _ever_ be good enough for such a stunning woman? The earlier comments of the telly commentator got back to me than. That was why I could never be good enough for Emily. I was just a grumpy and cynical bitch. I didn't deserve to be with such a beautiful soul like Ems. These reality travels had to be about exactly that, I mused. Maybe I was to switch realities until I figured once and for all I had to leave Emily alone.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily said softly.

"Nothing…" I muttered.

My throat felt tight and I stupidly wanted to cry. I lowered my head a bit and took in a big breath, letting Emily's smell invade me. How could I ever leave her alone if I loved her that much?

"Please Naoms… Just tell me" Emily said her voice breaking.

"I… I was just thinking… I'm really just a bitch aren't I?" I answered without stopping our dance.

"Why do you say that?"

"Everyone is saying it no? You heard that man on telly… I deserve everything bad that can happen to me… I've been so awful…"

"Hey! Don't say that! That's not true. Nobody deserves to be hurt…"

"Some people do" I argued. "I guess I fall into that category"

"You don't" Emily said firmly.

I stopped dancing and lowered my gaze. Emily's hands rose to my shoulders.

"You hated me… You thought I was a bitch…" I said.

It wasn't an accusation, I was just stating a fact.

"You proved me wrong didn't you?" She said.

I lifted my gaze again and met her eyes.

"Did I? We've barely known each other a month… How can you tell it's not an act?"

"I just do" Emily whispered. "I can tell. You try to hide most of the time Naoms but it's ridiculous because, really, it's all in your eyes. I can see you."

I gulped slowly. The intensity of her words were hitting me full force. It was true, Emily had always been the only one to see me fully. There was something shinning in her eyes too as she said it. And in this moment I could see every bit of adoration she was throwing me. The rain was still pouring on our skin, the water trailing down her cheeks. I lifted the hand that wasn't on the small of her back to push aside a lock of her hair. I tucked it behind her ear and let my fingers brush her cheek as I brought them back.

"I meant it when I said you were an amazing woman Naomi" the petite continued.

I couldn't smile. We were having yet another moment. A moment where the tension and intensity of our complex relationship seemed to overwhelm us and shove us deeper into our own world. The question was; was I going to let this moment go as I had done with the others or was I going to take it this time? Could I do it? I was very close… How many times could I resist Emily in the end? This was it, I decided. I needed to tell her.

"Emily I…" I started in a soft voice.

"Just shut up Naomi" Emily cut me off.

I frowned and slightly panicked. Had she known what I was going to say and disapproved of it? My panicked quickly disappeared though when Emily moved her hands from my shoulders to my neck and pulled me down towards her. I think my brain caught on to what was going to happen half a second before it did. I closed my eyes and felt her lips connect with mine. The kiss was soft and delicate. I could feel a hint of hesitation, of uncertainty. A bit like if Emily was asking me through her kiss if this was okay. For my part, I was too busy with the intense feeling of relief that hit me like a lightning bolt. I hummed on the brunette's lips and smiled. I smiled because this kiss didn't feel like a first kiss even if it was supposed to be in this reality. This kiss wasn't all fireworks and explosions and all that, it simply felt like coming home.

Emily pulled back, effectively ending our kiss. I wanted to groan in complaint but I let her. She hadn't gone very far though. Her hands were still around my neck and her eyes were half open, looking up at me hopefully. I smiled again. I wasn't going to try and talk this time. Talking was unnecessary, words were too big and quite pointless. We could communicate otherwise. Emily still looked a bit scared so I leaned my head back down and kissed her again. She received me with parted lips. I felt her intake a big breath as we smashed together, our kiss a bit less gentle this time. I snaked both my arms around her waist and pulled her as close as I could manage. Emily had let her hands fall pass my neck to replace them by her arms. We kissed a bit frantically and a bit needily. We kissed as if letting go would mean disappearing. Our lips moved together perfectly, like every time. I felt Emily open her mouth a bit wider and her tongue dart out to trace my bottom lip. I opened my mouth instantly for her, meeting her with equal passion. I think we both moaned into each other the sound completely lost in the storm anyway. Was it lost in the physical storm we were in or the emotional storm tearing our souls apart and reconstructing them as one? I wasn't sure anymore. Emily dug her fingers in my hair, grabbing the back of my head to pull my face closer to hers. I couldn't have been happier. I was pulling her so close that our fronts were completely flushed with one another.

I don't know for how long we kissed, but when we emerged for air, Emily untangled herself from me, grabbed my hand in hers and started running towards the hotel door. I followed her, not stopping once to question anything. She ran right past the elevator and to the staircase. She started climbing them two at a time as if we were fleeing a fire. Somehow though I felt like we _were_ the fire, burning our way through the hotel. Like our passion had breached all laws of physics and transformed us into embodiments of fire itself. It didn't take long before we got in front of the door to our room slightly panting. Emily pulled out the card and led us inside. Once there, she let go of my hand and walked to the main room as I closed the door. This was the biggest distance there had been between us since we had started kissing and it seemed to bring me back to my senses a little.

When I walked into the room, Emily had stopped in front of the bed. I could tell she was drenched from head to toe, but she didn't seem the least bit cold. She had lit a lamp on the side of the bed and it was the only source of light. It lit the side of her body giving it a dim yellow glow. The light was reflecting on her skin and it looked even better since she was wet. She truly looked magnificent. I walked a few steps and stopped about 2 feet in front of her. I bit my bottom lip between my teeth. I hated myself a little for being unable to lose myself in the moment and still doubt. I couldn't help it though. Even if everything suggested that she wanted exactly what I wanted in this moment, I had to make sure. I didn't want her to regret it. God I wasn't sure I could take it if she did.

"Are you sure-" I started but was soon cut off by Emily's lips on mine.

All in all, it was a very good way to be cut off. Emily had stridden over the two remaining steps, grabbing my cheeks between her hands before pressing our lips together. She pulled back a little and moved a thumb in place of her lips. The message was clear and I waited for her to say something.

"Please don't. Just… just kiss me Naoms, okay?" she asked in a small voice.

I took one good look at her dark pupils and the complete hunger I saw in them and made my decision. To hell with the rest of the fucking world. I crashed our lips together again. Emily resumed kissing me feverishly, plunging her tongue in my mouth which was more than ready for her. I snaked an arm around her waist while the other grabbed her neck. Emily's hands, for their part, had found their way to the edge of my jumper and had delved beneath it. I gasped as her hands roamed the skin of my back, slightly clawing at it. I bit on the brunette's bottom lip and she responded by kissing me even more fiercely. I felt Emily kick off her shoes and I did the same. As much as I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't sure how much I could push it. I was refraining myself from pushing Emily onto the bed. Even if we were clearly making out, maybe Ems didn't want to take it further. When had I became such a bloody Saint?

I was proved wrong when Emily grabbed the end of my jumper and tank top and lifted it up off my chest, stopping our kiss for the second it took to get the shirts passed my head. She threw both pieces aside and resumed kissing me, her hands now roaming the newly exposed skin. Her touch was leaving tingling trails of fire on my skin, raising goosebumps at the same time. I brought my own hands down and tugged her hoodie off as well. I nearly moaned when I took in Emily's bright blue lacy bra. In my defense, it was pushing her tits up in a fucking fantastic way. I put my hands on Emily's back, letting my fingers dip in the curve of her spine and brought my head down to place a few kisses down her neck. Emily immediately tilted her head the other way so that I'd have more skin to explore. And explore I did! I couldn't get enough of her. Her skin tasted just as great as I remembered it. I felt like a reformed junkie that was having his first line of coke in years. I couldn't even comprehend how much I had missed the feel of Emily against me. I took my time to rediscover every inch of her neck, sometimes kissing lightly, sometimes licking. The brunette was humming and moaning and I could feel every sound coming out of her on my lips.

As I descended on to her collarbone, I felt Emily's hands reach for the front of my jeans. With nervous fingers, she flipped the button open. She didn't try to tug my pants down though but settled her fingers on my hip bone, her thumb lightly brushing under the hem of my knickers. I moaned against her neck and shot my head back to catch her bottom lip between mine. I felt Emily grin as she started tracing my hip bone with her thumb, going teasingly low. I brought a hand higher on Emily's back, expertly flipping her bra open. I put both my hands to her shoulders, slowly sliding her bra straps down her shoulders. I felt Emily shiver as her bra finally hit the floor revealing her bare breast to me. I was way past hesitating then so I just gave her a final quick peck on the lips before kissing down her throat to the side of her tit. Emily plunged a hand in my hair, pulling on it slightly before moaning loudly. I settled my hands on her hips and pushed her towards the bed.

Emily fell on top of it softly and I hastily brought my hands to her jeans. I pulled them off as quickly as I could, swearing a bit as I struggled with the wet material. I took the opportunity to take off her socks as well. I took a second to admire her body then. I felt my heart do a somersault in my chest. She was so fucking gorgeous. Emily was wearing a pair of royal blue knickers that had undoubtedly matched her bra. The sides of her knickers were held closed by silky black strings that were interlaced and ended in small bows. The brunette had lifted herself on her elbows and gave me a knowing smirk. She backed up onto the bed and I was hypnotized by the way her muscles moved under her skin like they were dancing just for me. When I caught her eyes, she raised an eyebrow at me very suggestively. There was no way to mistake the lustful look in her eyes now. There was no doubt and no hesitation there, she did want it just as much as I did. I prepared myself to make my way on top of her, but Emily held off an arm to stop me. I gave her a questioning look, but she was quick to answer.

"Pants off now" she commanded.

And fuck me if my legs didn't wobble at her authoritative tone. This was one command I was very quick to execute. I pushed my jeans down and took them off my legs along with my socks. I locked my gaze with Emily then and hooked my fingers through the hem of my knickers. I know the brunette had only said to take off my pants, but there was no point denying her of more nudity by that point. Also, the thought of surprising her was turning me on more than I could explain.

Emily frowned in confusion and I gave her a wink before sliding my knickers slowly down my legs. I took a devilish pleasure in seeing Emily's eyes widen and her pupils grow even darker if that was even possible. I made a show to make it last as long as I could to emphasize the length of my legs. What? Emily had admitted earlier of having stared at them! When I was done, I tossed my knickers to the side, quickly removing my bra after and waited for Emily to say something. In front of anybody else I might have been uncomfortable to be standing there completely naked, but in front of Emily, I didn't mind. Besides, the complete look of hunger in her eyes made me feel fucking sexy. Like I was the sexiest woman on earth actually.

"Come here" Emily growled and I smirked before obliging.

The second I made my way on top of Emily, she had reconnected our lips and had pushed her tongue down my throat. Not that I minded in the least. It felt fucking awesome to feel her like this against me, so bloody needy. I could feel her tits brushing against mine and it gave me the shivers. Fuck she felt good. I pushed a confident thigh between Emily's legs and heard her groan in my mouth. I started moving my hips against the petite and she automatically matched my movement with her own. She was panting from the friction and I could feel her wetness through her knickers. It was too much for me. I disconnected our lips with a pop and started kissing down her throat feverishly. I felt like a beast, like an animal, completely and utterly unstoppable. I wanted to ravish her every inch and the more she gasped and moaned, the more it drove me on. I kissed passed her collarbone and made my way down between her tits. I purposefully licked the underside of her breast deliberately avoiding her nipple. Emily arched her back gasping loudly, but I denied her and kissed my way further down. The brunette pushed a hand through my hair and grabbed a fistful. It didn't hurt and only turned me on even more. I smiled against her ribs as I licked and traced them one by one.

"Fuck Nai…"Emily moaned. "I need you so much"

Her words felt like a catharsis, like the last drop I had needed to go completely wild. I licked my way down to the hem of her knickers before biting on the material and tugging it down a bit. Emily lifted her hips in reflex but I didn't tug the offensive clothing away completely and only traced her hip bone with my tongue. I grazed my teeth to the lowest part of her bone and felt her buck under me. She was panting loudly by then, switching between mumbling expletives and my name. I kissed and licked a spot just below Emily's hip bone before shooting up again and catching my beautiful lover by surprise by placing one of her nipple in my mouth. I gave it a quick lick before sucking on it as Emily moaned loudly. I brought a hand on her other tit as my other started tracing patterns on the inside of her thigh. I let my fingers roam right to the side of her knickers and teasingly brushed my thumb underneath it. I pulled it out of her knickers before brushing it on her clit on top of the material. The sound that came out of the petite's mouth then was so alluring that I felt my entire stomach squirm in anticipation. I really really needed her now. I lifted my head from Emily's tit and looked at her.

"These need to go" I said seriously as I hooked my indexes around her knickers.

"Oh fuck yes please" Emily.

Without further ado I pulled Emily's knickers off and lowered myself on top of her again. I took her other nipple in my mouth and traced my right hand on the side of Emily's thigh, caressing the curve of her perfect ass as well. I lifted my head again and locked my gaze with Emily. I needed to confirm one last time that this wasn't too much for her. When the brunette threw her arms around my neck and brought our lips together, I knew I had nothing to fear.

I was nearly in awe when I first brushed a finger through Emily's wet folds. My finger was sliding effortlessly against her and it felt really fucking good. I swallowed Emily's moan as I continued to move against her, easily finding her clit. I teased her for a few seconds, drinking her moans and her gasps, feeling delirious by the intensity of it all.

"Naomi please" Emily panted in my ear as I moved to kiss her jaw line. "I _need_ you"

I growled in response. Hearing my name roll off Emily's tongue in such husky tones was unbearable and irresistible. I needed more, I needed to make her _feel_ more, so I pushed a finger inside her. The brunette cried out in pleasure as I pushed my finger excruciatingly slowly deep into her before removing it completely. Emily was panting heavily beneath me and I knew she was about to beg for more. I took her by surprise when I didn't wait for her to speak and pushed two confident fingers right into her again.

"Oh Jesus Naomi!" Emily purred.

I started pumping my fingers rhythmically feeling my own core twinge in excitement as I felt Emily's sleekness. I was purposefully going slowly so that I could revel in the moment. I lifted myself on my free arm a bit so that I was hovering above Emily at a distance. Her gorgeous body was writhing in time with my fingers, a lithe layer of sweat glowing in the light. Emily had closed her eyes and had a hand around my neck while the other was clawing at my shoulder blades. Her brows were furrowed in pleasure and when I increased my speed a bit, her eyes shot open. She threw me such a lustful look then that I'm not sure how I didn't self-combust.

The brunette tugged on my neck to connect our lips and I obliged dutifully. I traced her bottom lip with my tongue before meeting Emily's. I let myself get lost in the feeling of our tongues meshing together. It didn't feel like juts organs meeting, it felt like we were sharing stories and secrets, sealing our love with a kiss. Sex could never be as good with anyone else, I thought. Because sex with Emily was _never_ just sex. It could be playful, it could be passionate, it could be slow and it could be a whole lot of other things, but it was never _just_ sex. And I'm not even talking about shagging versus making love because what Emily and I shared was beyond those simple description. When I touched her I ignited something deep within her soul and her heart and she did the same to me. When Emily and I made love, we were able to reach an unprecedented level of connection. Yes, we understood each other on so many other levels and yes I could just cuddle with her and watch shit telly and be completely happy, but the fact remained that, when we were making love, we shared something akin to fucking magic itself as corny as that may sound.

I stopped pumping my fingers to explore Emily more thoroughly. I curled my fingers against her walls and felt her hips buck in pleasure.

"Fucking hell Naomi. This is so good! Don't stop please" Emily said as she disconnected our lips.

"Never" I whispered back into her ear before slowly licking the lobe.

I started pumping into her again and nearly chuckled at Emily's very loud resulting expletive. I started kissing down her torso, stopping to give some well-deserved attention to her tits. I then continued my way downwards, kissing and licking as much skin as I could. I was slightly passed her belly button when Emily grabbed me by the shoulders and lifted me up her body again. I frowned and groaned a bit in displeasure because I really felt like I needed to taste Emily now. I could feel how wet she was on my fingers and I was dying to let my tongue meet with the wetness.

I didn't have time to argue though as I felt Emily's hand make its way between us and connect with my core. My hips twitched in pleasure and I moaned right into my lover's neck. I was surprised by how confidently the brunette was moving her fingers between my ridiculously wet folds. Of course, I knew for certain that Emily had _always_ been confident about pleasuring another woman, I had been her first in my reality after all and it had been more than memorable, but I was still surprised by how at ease she seemed in this moment. I moved my hips a bit faster to increase the friction against Emily's fingers and started pumping mine more rapidly, curling my fingers sometimes to make her gasp. We were both panting heavily, kissing each other on the neck, on the lips, anywhere we could really. When Emily finally plunged two strong fingers inside me, I cried out her name loudly.

"Oh fuck Ems… This feels so good" I said.

"I know" she replied smugly before latching her mouth on my neck and sucking energetically.

We fell into a natural pace, both driving each other completely nuts. I could feel Emily's walls tightening against my fingers and by her strangled moans, I could tell she wasn't very far from her release. The sight and sound had me so turned on that I felt sure I wouldn't be long to follow.

"Oh god Nai… I'm so fucking close" Emily purred.

"Come for me" I said looking her seriously in the eyes while curling my fingers.

"Oh fuck!" the brunette exclaimed.

She threw her free arm around my neck and pulled me closer. She licked my earlobe before saying in the huskiest voice I had ever heard:

"Only if you come with me baby"

I nodded automatically and felt my core twinge around her fingers. I increased my pumping a bit, before curling my fingers again and finally feeling Emily come undone beneath me.

"Oh Naomi" she cried out as her hips bucked uncontrollably.

Her walls were squeezing around my fingers and at the sound of her orgasm, I felt my own hit. I think I lost the consciousness of my surroundings a bit then. All I was aware of was the intense pleasure travelling fast in my body and Emily's equally pleasure filled body against me. We cried out together, kissing each other softly and clumsily every time we could feel the other's skin on our lips. It was exhilarating, debilitating even. And it felt even better to know that we were in this moment completely together.

When our orgasms subsided, I took my fingers out of Emily and rolled off of her. The petite instantly snuggled into my body. I moved us a bit until we were able to make it under the blankets. Emily had an arm tightly around my middle and I was lazily tracing the curve of her back with my fingers. I kissed the top of her hair a few times, lingering to smell her intoxicating perfume. Now that the passion was leaving me though, my stupid brain couldn't help but make an appearance. A thousands questions were fighting each other to come out. I didn't know if I ought to ask any though. As I continued to caress Emily softly, I heard her hum into my shoulder. Her breathing was slowing down and I could tell she was about to fall asleep. Worry took over then.

"Emily…" I said hoping to start a discussion.

I felt the brunette sigh into me, but she didn't reply.

"Emily?" I pushed.

This time she replied.

"Please Naomi, let's not talk about it tonight." She pleaded. "For tonight, I don't want to think that there's anything wrong with what just happened… Because… because it felt fucking right and I want to hold on to that feeling for as long as I can… so please… can we... can you just hold me for tonight?"

Her voice was so weak, so uncertain. I could tell she was on the verge of breaking and I didn't want that. I held her tighter against me and I felt her squeeze me tighter as well. I resumed my loving caresses before settling a bit more comfortably in the bed and moving my head so I could place a gentle lingering kiss on her lips. I was relieved when Emily kissed me back without hesitation. I pulled out and kissed the top of her head as Emily buried her nose in the crook of my neck.

"Of course" I muttered to her as I flipped the light off. "Always"

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**A/N: HP wink? Yes. ALWAYS. Oh and also, WARNING do not read this chapter in public or at work? Oops :P Like I would say it before and ruin the anticipation! I hope it wasn't too much shit though. This is one of my first attempts at smut and hum… I'm not convinced I'm any good at it! Hopefully you enjoyed it… That and the rest of the chapter! I've bungee jumped twice, but never tandem. So the security measures are based off of my personal knowledge but if there's a bungee god out there that read this and thought it wasn't accurate, I apologize. I'm sorry again it took me so long to deliver! In my defense, it was a rather important one! As you can now see! This reality has certainly taken another turn! Thank you all for still being so interested in this story! It warms my heart that you find it worth your time! I love you all so much! Please let me know what you thought once again ok? Thanks again!**

**Cheers! XX Miss.M  
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	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Wow! I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the response I got for the last chapter! You guys are absolutely amazing! MASSIVE group hug! I can't tell you how touched I was to see all your kind words! Not only have you guys managed to get me passed the 500 reviews mark, but you've been just soooo enthusiastic! There are no words for this. There are NO WORDS to describe this feeling :D So yah, thanks! **

**You know what this may or may not be safe to read in public. I honestly hate to spoil things so I'm not gonna tell you if it's safe to read in public or not. I actually write at work most of the time. The way I see it is, if I can write smuff at work, you can read it there as well :P So you're just gonna have to take the risk and read to find out if it actually happens. **

Manifolds

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Chp. 28

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I don't think I had slept as soundlessly as I did that night since starting this whole reality travel craziness. It took us only a few moments to fall asleep as we were both exhausted by the day's events. After all, we had been up pretty early and it had been one very busy day. Emotionally as well as physically. I had wanted to break Emily out of her self-imposed shell and it seemed I had succeeded. A lot better than I thought I would. I had wanted her to affirm herself, to speak up, to be able to tell _what_ she wanted and go for it. I honestly hadn't expected that _thing_ she wanted to be me. Of course, I hadn't been very hard to get. Emily had always had me after all whether she knew it or not.

When I first started to wake up, I was completely soaked in my little happiness bubble. I could smell Emily all over me and I could feel her breathing against my neck. There was something awfully reassuring about her still being here, sleeping next to me, half _on_ me. Sometimes back home, Emily and I would fall asleep cuddling and wake up on complete ends of the bed. Other days, we would move a little but were still half cuddling the next morning. Most of the time, it was just these two options, but on occasions when Emily and I had particularly been missing each other, we'd wake up completely snuggled against each other. This was one of those times.

I had one arm around her shoulders while the other cradled her waist, pushing our bodies as close as possible. Emily, for her part, had her face buried in the crook of my neck with her arm resting on my chest her fingers twitching as she slept. I let my eyes flutter open and frowned a little at the brightness in the room. Then, I frowned because I was in the hotel room. Upon finding myself cuddling like this with who was undoubtedly Emily (I could recognize the feel of her any day), I must admit I had wished I'd open my eyes and find myself in our room in our flat in Bristol. In other words, I had hoped I'd be back home. Of course, I had no such luck. After all, JJ had told me that, theoretically, reality travel was only possible through something big enough to alter molecules… Or something like that. As good as our love making was, I doubt it generated that much energy. Although maybe if we tried hard enough… Right, focus!

I wanted to turn around and look at the time, but I soon found myself completely captivated by the brunette's sleeping form. Her breathing was even and her body was completely relaxed. I felt my heart swell with disgustingly corny amounts of love. But what could I do really? I fucking loved this woman more than I could comprehend. And I had always loved her. I could still remember all those days in middle school, spent trying not to look at her and not to think about her. All this effort for ending up talking to her and all this effort for ending up kissing her at a shit party in a lovely garden. I had tried harder than anything to forget her, to forget how her lips had felt against mine, how she tasted like something sweet but also like alcohol. I had avoided her, refused to talk to her, I had tried to pretend I didn't give a shit. And really who had I fooled? I don't think Katie would have been so insistent to keep me away from her sister if she hadn't seen right through me, seen that I _did_ care, that I _did_ want Emily.

It felt funny to me now, limbs entangled around the petite's body, to think that I had thought I could do the same thing in this reality as I had done in middle school and college and expect things to turn out differently. Wasn't it the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? I wasn't that surprised though because, clearly, Emily had always driven me insane whether it was insane with fear or insane with love. In retrospect, I liked the latter better.

I would have liked to freeze this moment in time. I would have liked for Emily never to wake up and just snuggle me for eternity, because I was petrified of what would happen when she awoke. I could very well remember how Emily had wanted me to just kiss her and make love to her the night before and I could remember how she had told me after it all that it had felt right. Surely she wouldn't go back on her words now? As much as I could hope, I knew the possibility was overwhelming. Emily wasn't free after all. Whether she loved her husband or not (that point definitely needed to be determined) she was still married. So technically, Emily had cheated. And if there was one thing that really wasn't Emily at all, it was cheating. I knew it would be big for her and I could only hope she wouldn't just freak out.

I moved my head a little and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. I had to wake her up eventually, might as well do it with kisses. Okay, so maybe there was a part of me that was scared these were the last kisses I would give Emily before she walked out on me. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts. The petite scrunched up her nose at my flutter of kisses on her temple, cheeks and nose. I kissed my way back to the top of her head, closing my eyes a bit to inhale as much of her scent as I could. It felt like I was preparing myself for a storm. Or a heartbreak rather.

Soon enough, perhaps too soon, Emily's eyes fluttered open. She blinked a few times and then settled her sight on me. Our eyes locked and I gave her half a smile. I wasn't sure of what to do or what to say. I felt like my eyes were telling it all anyway.

"_Is this okay? Are you okay? Do you regret it?"_

The petite stared at me for a few seconds. I felt the anxiety rise in my chest as the seconds passed. She hadn't smiled back. But then again she hadn't sprung away from me so that had to be good too, right? Emily lifted her hand that was already resting on my chest to brush her fingers on the length of my jaw. I closed my eyes at the contact. If felt too good not to. I heard the brunette let out a sight and then she shifted a bit so that both her arms were now circling my neck. I opened my eyes in surprise, but closed them again when Emily lifted her face to place a sweet kiss on my lips. It was… unhurried. Our lips were just dancing a slow waltz, rediscovering the tastes of each other effortlessly. Emily opened her mouth and I instinctively met her tongue with mine. Again, it was unhurried. Even if we were both stark naked and even if Emily was slightly on top of me, I didn't want to take things further. This felt like the assurance I had wanted, needed. This kiss felt like a confirmation that, no, Emily hadn't wanted to sleep with me just because I was there and convenient, she had wanted to because she felt something. I didn't know what it was, but at least, I knew there was _something_ to look for now.

The brunette disconnected our lips and buried her face in my neck. A few seconds later, I felt her body tense up and start shaking. And then I heard the sobs and brought my arms around her waist, holding her tight. I fucking hated that there was nothing else I could do. I hated feeling completely powerless, forced to watch her pain with absolutely no way of removing it. I held her as tight as I could without hurting her and she held me just as tight.

"Fuck" I heard her whisper through her sobs.

"Shush" I cooed as best as I could.

I had never been that good with tears, but I'd rather be shit at comforting Emily than not try at all. I rocked her gently until the sobs had subsided a little. Emily's hold on my neck never loosened and that gave me hope that maybe we'd be able to work through this. At least she wasn't running away and that alone was a big deal. The brunette released me a little and I was able to see her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks a little black from her tears leaving mascara trails. I brought my lips closer and kissed the tears because I couldn't help it. It tore my heart apart to see her so upset. I wanted to burry my face in her hair and whisper in her ear how much I loved her, but I couldn't do that. I knew my feelings were too intense for the stage we were at. For all I knew Emily was attracted to me but didn't feel anything else. So I swallowed down my words and said nothing.

Emily trembled beneath my lips and tightened her hold a little. I was elated really. It seemed I was still her anchor, even today, even after a night sleep, even after everything. I moved away to look at her face again. She was sniffing a little, making the cutest noises and wrinkling her button nose. I brought a hand up between us and wiped more tears away with my thumb. Emily closed her eyes, leaning into my touch.

"Fuck" she muttered again, her voice heavy and raspy.

The petite opened her eyes after and was met by my frown. I really hated this.

"Don't" Emily said as she brought her own hand to smooth my eyebrows. "You shouldn't frown so much you know, you'll have wrinkles"

I smiled bashfully at her then because of all the things she could have said, she had chosen a ridiculously domestic quote.

"Sorry" I replied.

Emily smiled at me for the first time this morning and my heart swelled to such large proportion that I had to kiss her. I didn't make it a long or big thing, I just wanted to connect our lips for one small peck. The brunette hummed into it anyway.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

I knew she wasn't, I knew it was a stupid question, but I also knew that there wasn't anything else to say. It was Emily's turn to frown, her eyes quickly filling with tears again.

"Hey" I said holding her close again. "Don't cry Ems…" I cooed.

"I'm sorry" she muttered through fresh tears. "This is just so… fucked"

"I know…" I replied my own voice heavy. "I know Ems… I'm so sorry"

And I really felt sorry. I fucking _knew_ I'd end up causing my Emily more pain than anything else. It ate away at my conscience that she was hurting and that it was my fault. I knew I should have stayed away from her, but she just made me so bloody _happy_. I really was a moody cow when she wasn't around. And human beings being selfish things, I couldn't help myself. I loved her.

"Don't" Emily said again.

She brushed her fingers along my jaw again.

"Please don't be sorry"

"How can I not though? I shouldn't have… I mean, I… You're all… and it's my fault" I stammered.

It was hard to find the right words.

"Do you regret it?" Emily asked.

Her face was something between a pout and a frown and I could see all the confusion oozing out of her. I frowned as well.

"I… I shouldn't… Ems I…" I articulated with difficulty.

I felt like I had to lie, tell her it was a mistake so she'd go back to her normal life, to her husband, but somehow the lie just wasn't coming. It was consuming my insides and I felt like if it dared cross my lips, it would take everything I was with it.

"I should regret it. I should tell you it was all a mistake but I… I can't" I finally said in a whisper. "I can't tell you I regret it because I'd do it again in an instant… Ems… I… I'm just… "

I stopped for a second and frowned. This was it though, this was the moment where I either played it cool or put my heart on the line… again. I could very well adopt the bitch attitude and make Emily believe she had just been a convenient fuck. Problem was I very well couldn't do that. I had stopped being that girl that pretended Emily was just convenient ages ago. I couldn't hurt her. Guess it would be the heart on the line option then… I clenched my jaw in anticipation. Fuck me this was so much harder than it seemed. But I couldn't lie to Emily. I couldn't tell her it was just a thing and that it hadn't meant much to me. I couldn't tell her _she_ didn't mean much to me.

"Emily… I'm fucking crazy about you" I admitted seriously.

My voice was shaking and my frown was back. I was completely terrified my words would terrify her and she'd reject me… Emily seemed relieved though and that eased the squeezing of my heart. She buried her face in my neck and we were silent for a few seconds. Her hold on me was tight and I could hear her sniffing occasionally. I could feel wetness on my neck and I knew Emily was crying again. The fact that she wasn't running away seemed to urge me on.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't… but I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about you and I just… Being with you or talking to you is always the best part of my day. I know it's fucked up and it makes everything so much more complicated and I've tried so fucking hard not to do anything about it… But I can't tell you, now that it's done, that it meant nothing to me. I wish I could tell you I regret it all but I really can't so I… I'm sorry" I whispered in her ear.

I have to admit it felt good to finally let it out, to finally tell her I had it bad for her. Of course I still couldn't exactly tell her I was in love with her, but I could still make it close. Emily drew back from my neck than and latched her lips on mine. This time our kiss was messier, hungrier. I wanted to lose myself in Emily, in our lover's union and I think she wanted the same. I wanted to forget about any reality and for everything to just be this, me and Ems and kissing. I wanted it to be only lips and tongues and hitched breaths and tugging fingers and soft moans. I could taste Emily's tears and feel her sobs on my lips so I ended our kiss and drew back to look at her. I brushed her tears again and gave her the most apologetic look I could muster. The petite was looking at me as if transfixed and I couldn't tear my gaze from her either. Even with her puffy eyes and everything, she still looked fucking spectacular. Something was nagging at me though…

"Do…" I started uncertain, feeling yet another frown creep up on my face. "Do _you_ regret it?"

I saw an utter look of anguish cross my love's face and I have to admit I got scared then. Scared that Emily did regret it and scared I was pushing her too far. I wasn't sure I could hear her say she didn't love me. Not again.

"It's okay" I mumbled. "You don't have to answer that"

I tried to make it smooth. I tried to give the brunette a reassuring look, but I don't think I managed too well. Truth was I could feel my throat squeezing and I very much wanted to cry. It felt like I was being rejected again by Emily and I knew I couldn't deal with it. How was it that I couldn't resist her in any reality while she only had feelings for me in one? Part of me wanted to get up from the bed and fucking run for all I was worth. But the hurt was freezing me in place. I had started to look away when Emily reached a hand on my cheek and turned my face back to hers. Her eyes were shinning bright and I felt a glimmer of hope when I saw that beneath the anguish there was also love. My heart went in full overdrive when Emily slowly shook her head.

"I don't… When… you're there… everything makes sense in a way it never has before" the petite said in such a small voice that I'm not sure I would have heard her if she hadn't been so close.

I couldn't help myself then and full on just kissed her. I was pleased to see that Emily was quite eager to reciprocate. Our tongues met instantly as our hands started to travel. If our first kiss of the day had been unhurried and our second hungry, this one was just plain passionate. There was nothing left to hold us back. Emily had dug her fingers in my hair and I had cupped her perfectly shaped arse before pulling her on top of me. There was no mistaking where this was going to lead. It felt like my body was in completely ecstasy, my senses firing too much information at the same time. I could feel Emily's tits pushed against my own and her thigh firmly pressed between mine. I couldn't help letting a moan of pleasure escape me as Emily started grinding into me. The petite disconnected our lips to place soft kisses across my face. She kissed her way to my ear and licked the lobe before biting on it. I groaned at the sensation, but also at the fact that with her lips so close I could hear how ragged her breath had become. Before she had time to move, I lifted my thigh so that it would press into her as well. I felt a twinge go right to my core when I heard the resulting moan from Emily. I lifted my hands to her hips than while the petite started grinding into my thigh.

"Oh Naomi" she whispered in my ear.

I fucking loved every second of it. I loved that I could feel Emily's wetness building against me, I loved that I could hear every little moan and gasp coming from her lips, I loved that I could see her beautiful body sliding against mine, fitting perfectly and, above all, I loved _her_ like a madwoman. I have to admit it was my turn to gasp loudly when the brunette suddenly lowered her head to latch her mouth around one of my nipple, her hand reaching for the other one. I felt my own wetness multiply as Emily licked and sucked on my nipple, switching to the other one after a few seconds. I could still feel her grinding on my thigh, but it was a little less clear, a little hazier. I couldn't focus on anything else then the feel of Emily. The feel of her and I, together. I was very aware that I was pushing my tits in her face and Emily only seemed happy about it. And this wasn't like last night. It wasn't a moment, it didn't seem to be quite as inevitable. But regardless it was still happening. Maybe it was because Emily and I together was always inevitable. Because we were just meant to end up together, to make each other feel so goddamn good.

After a moment, I felt her shift and move between my legs, bringing a hand to my inner thigh to spread them wider apart. She had done so without dislodging her lips from around my nipple and I was way too busy enjoying the feeling of her tongue to even consider protesting. Even so, I didn't want to complain. I was Emily's, completely and utterly hers. When she was seemingly comfortably settled, the petite left my tit to trail her kisses higher up my chest until she had reached my lips. She kissed me passionately, biting softly on my bottom lip before plunging her tongue in my mouth. I could feel her lower stomach rubbing against me as Emily explored my mouth. God I loved kissing her! I had always thought our kisses were perfect. And I don't mean by that that they never slipped in the throws of passion or that we had never accidentally knocked our teeth together, because we had. But even then, we always met each other with equal feelings, bursting inside us and colliding with the same frantic rhythm as our kisses.

At this very moment, I was so bloody turned on it felt like I had a lake between my legs. I couldn't get enough of Emily. She didn't kiss me long and moved her head just a bit further until our gazes could lock as she suddenly stopped her movements. It took me by surprise and I automatically focused on her eyes solely. When blues met browns, I felt her right hand trail slowly up the side of my ass onto my side, fingers brushing the underside of my tit teasingly until they were positioned softly on my jaw. I wasn't sure what she had in mind, but if the smoldering look in her eyes was anything to go by, I was sure I wouldn't be disappointed. And honestly, knowing Emily, there was just no way I could be disappointed. She brought her fingers slowly in front of my lips and I immediately leaned forward to kiss the tips before slowly taking them in my mouth. Emily gave me such a devilish smirk then that I knew this had been exactly what she had hoped for. She brought her hand down again along my body, never breaking the eye contact, leaving wet trails in her wake and raising goosebumps on my skin. When I felt the same fingers I had just licked make contact with my core, I understood exactly why she had looked so mischievous.

"Ohhhh" I moaned loudly as the brunette very fucking slowly trailed two fingers against my folds.

I closed my eyes then and let myself get lost in her touch. Fuck me if Emily Fitch felt anything but ridiculously good. I was sure she was still looking at me, but I didn't have it in me to care. My hips were moving against her fingers and I was desperate for her to increase her pace. Naturally though, this wasn't what Emily had in mind. I think I knew then that this wasn't just a fuck, that this was so much more. After a few seconds, the petite lowered herself on me and kissed the side of my jaw before whispering:

"You're so fucking hot"

I growled, yes growled, in response. I opened my eyes to send my beautiful lover the most lustful look I had probably ever sent her in this reality. I brought my hands to her back and traced the curve of her spine as Emily kept teasing me. I loved how my touch made her bring her chest closer to me and how easily my fingers were sliding across her skin making her shiver. Emily and I, we just fitted in every possible way. Even if my touch felt good to her though, I knew it was nothing compared to the fire the petite was lighting in me.

"Fuck Emily..." I purred. "You're such a tease… I need you now"

"I know you do…" she replied evilly smirking.

If it was even possible I felt myself become even more wet.

"You're so wet Nai" the brunette said in wonder.

"No shit Sherlock" I said sarcastically before moaning loudly when Emily teasingly brought the tip of a finger to my entrance. I guess she wanted to remind me exactly who had the upper hand. "Fuck! Ems please, I need you inside me…"

I looked at the brunette and saw her shake her head. Still, she let the tip of one finger enter me slightly before removing it and finding my clit again. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry in pleasure or annoyment. I was at her fingertips, bloody well literally at that and she was loving every second of it. I have to admit, as torturous as her teasing was, it was also incredibly irresistible. I could already tell that, when Emily would grant me with it, my orgasm would be magnificent. Just like last night hadn't been about sex but about discovering or rediscovering each other, today wasn't about sex either. Today, it felt like we were cementing this, cementing us, our union. After letting our words and our mouths meld together, we were letting our bodies do the same. Falling in their own patterns naturally. It was like our souls were already aware of the amount of love we could produce for each other and were leading our bodies to just feel that love.

I felt Emily remove her hand completely from me and I frowned and groan. She didn't let me wonder or complain too long though when she lowered her lips to my face, kissed my jaw lovingly before whispering in my ear.

"I can't be inside you before I taste you"

Her voice was sexily husky and I felt myself twinge in anticipation. Oh fuck me if I wouldn't completely lose it if Emily did just that. The petite licked my ear before lowering herself on my body. She nibbled sexily at my hip bone trailing her tongue further down. She licked the spot just between my thigh and groin and I felt my eyes roll to the back of my skull. I could barely breathe through my excitement and I needed for her to stop teasing me. I was already as much of a mumbling mess as I could be. Luckily, she didn't tease long this time and before I could utter a single word, a single plea, she brought her tongue against my wetness and trailed it down the length of my folds.

"Oh my god" I said loudly as I felt Emily's tongue retrace the same path.

My hand shot forward and lost itself in Emily's hair as I started bucking my hips against the petite's tongue. I felt her hum in pleasure as she sucked on my clit. If this wasn't the most fantastic feeling in the world, I didn't know what was. Or perhaps I would soon know. Emily brought her left hand up and cupped my breast trapping my nipple between her fingers. I wasn't even sure if I was moaning or gasping or speaking anymore. I was completely overwhelmed with the building feeling in my stomach and the burning sensation traveling my body like an electric current. Emily kept switching between long licks and small flicks and I was quite positive I had turned into a blabbering fool. Each breath coming out of my lips was a gasp or a moan, I think I had lost the ability to response any differently. I felt sure I had lost the ability to breathe properly. The petite increased her speed and she twisted my nipple between her fingers. She brought her other hand to my inner thigh and I bucked wildly in response. She grazed her nails against my skin and I think my whole body shook. When Emily finally met my wetness with the tip of her fingers, I think my consciousness just blacked out. There was nothing else that mattered but Emily, the feelings she was making me feel and my complete undeniable love for her. Then she plunged two fingers inside me and I cried out even louder.

"Oh Emilyyyyy"

I had my "I love you" on the tip of my tongue so I bit down hard on my lower lip to stop them. The petite started pumping into me as she continued putting pressure on my clit with her tongue. I wasn't even sure of what I was feeling anymore, but it was absolute bliss. For a second I thought it was actually love I was feeling. Like this was the material incarnation of love. Like Emily was reciprocating my silent "I love yous" with equally silent ones. Like, again, our souls had overridden our minds and our bodies and had taken all control.

My hands were twitching in Emily's gorgeous hair and my hips were moving against her ravenous mouth with a mind of their own. I think I was crying out expletives along with the brunette's name, but again I couldn't be sure. I was too lost in my own ecstasy. Emily started pumping faster and faster and I could feel the pressure building in every fiber of my being. I could tell that my lover could feel it as well. I could tell by the way she started moving and licking. I could tell by the seriousness that seemed to invade us.

It's then I think I realized how Emily wanted me to completely lose it, _needed_ me to. No, this had never been just a fuck, I had had that right. This was about me putting myself bear for Emily. This was me showing her how much I had meant my earlier words, how much I had meant everything I had ever told her. And this was Emily showing that she wanted it too, wanted me in my completeness. Wanted more than just a shag on a getaway weekend. Emily wanted me. I nearly laughed then, because, really, she had _always _had me.

I didn't find anything better to do though than letting go of every little inch of control I could still have had and let her have it, have all of me at my weakest, let myself be completely at her mercy. And I was actually amazed when I realized I wasn't even scared. I trusted her. It didn't take long after that before I was reaching my climax, bucking my hips uncontrollably, her name slipping passed my lips repeatedly. I lost track of time and space, I lost track of every function I had that wasn't directly related to my pleasure. When I came down from my high, Emily slowly let me go before crawling up my body and settling herself on top of me.

I was heaving loudly, but automatically drew my arms around her. My hands sought her spine as my lips sought her temple. I placed a few exhausted kisses right on her hairline, tracing patterns along the length of her back with my fingers. I wanted to turn us around and reciprocate, but I actually needed a moment to compose myself. Emily had brought me to a ridiculously great high and I was still uncertain whether I was fully back or not. The petite hummed under my touch and started tracing her own patterns on my sides. We laid like that for a few seconds, just reveling in each other.

"Do you know how utterly amazing you are Emily Fitch?" I asked after a while.

The brunette chuckled and smiled in reply. Her cheeks and nose had turned a bit red and I grinned at the adorable sight. Again, I had to bite my lip to stop the "I love you" from coming out.

"But seriously Ems… this was just… I don't even think they've invented the words for what that was yet"

Emily chuckled again before moving a bit and off of me. She grabbed a blanket to cover our naked bodies and nestled into my side. Our arms wrapped themselves around each other automatically. I looked down at her and was surprised to see that she was staring at me. Her eyes were wide open and she had this expression… like she was just happy, just completely at ease. I smiled at her, letting the love poor out of my eyes. Emily dislodged a hand from our intertwined limbs and brought it carefully to my face. She let her fingers over just above my skin before softly caressing my cheek. My smile widened.

"You're so beautiful" Emily whispered her eyes shining.

She continued to caress my face, moving to my jaw line and I was suddenly reminded of a similar moment. Isn't that what she had done in the club before kissing my neck? Wasn't it what she had done just before telling me I looked so alike… someone? I had never found out what that had been about. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to bring it up, but I could feel the curiosity bubbling inside me. I needed to know…

"Ems…" I started uncertainly. "Do you remember that night in the club…?"

"Yeah, how could I forget? I wanted to jump you on the dancefloor you know" The petite replied with a smirk.

I was taken aback a bit by her bluntness, but found myself smiling nevertheless. I gave Emily a quick peck on the lips.

"That's not what I meant" I told her.

The petite acknowledged me with a nod and I continued.

"Do you remember… when we were dancing… just before…" I trailed off.

I wasn't sure how to refer to her kissing my neck so I didn't. Anyway, from the little light in Emily's eye, I could tell she had understood perfectly what I meant.

"You said… You told me I looked so… alike. You said "you look so alike"… I was just wondering… what did you mean by that?"

A flash of recognition went to the beautiful brown orbs of my love and she shifted a bit in bed. I could sense some tension growing between us and I didn't like it. Well that was to be expected mind, talking always ruined things. I reached a hand and placed it on her hip, directing the brunette close to me again.

"Did you mean… Jim?" I asked her in a whisper.

Emily flinched at the name of her husband, but quickly shook her head. I frowned a little.

"What… who did you mean then?"

The petite started biting her lip in anxiety. I could tell she didn't really want to approach the subject, but the more mysterious she was about it, the more I felt like I had to know. She looked up at me then, probably to assess how badly I wanted to know and I gave her a pleading look. She sighed loudly, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again and locking them with mine. I felt myself shiver when I recognized a hint of guilt in them.

"I've never told anyone…" she started quietly.

I squeezed her hip before carefully brushing my thumb on her skin to show her she could tell me anything. It seemed to work as Emily smiled and licked her lips before continuing.

"I… It was back when I first started Uni… I…" Emily sighed again. "You're not the first woman I've slept with" she finished hurriedly, moving her eyes from mine almost in shame.

I was startled by her statement but I wasn't at the same time. If one thing, it sure as hell explained why she had been so confident in bed and so… well, sinfully good. Seeing as I was silent, the brunette brought her eyes back up to me with an apologetic expression. I tried to smile although the thought of Emily being with someone who wasn't me was not a happy one. I nodded my head then, silently asking Emily to carry on. She did.

"Remember when I told you I dyed my hair?" she asked and I nodded. "Well it was the weekend right after that, the one right before I had that dinner home and Katie threw a fit"

I nodded again.

"I went to Uni in Portsmouth and every year there was this group of people that would throw a big party in a huge house by the beach. One of the friends I had made had been invited and in turns he was inviting us. I decided to go obviously. I hadn't gone to a party ever without Katie and I was dying to. So the night of the party, I spent ages getting ready. I wanted to make a stand you know? Prove to myself probably that I wasn't just Katie's sister, that I was me, Emily and that that was enough. I remember I had put on those ridiculously flashy blue green tights with black shorts, black flats and a loose white top. I had put on a black knitted hat because I thought it made my flaming hair even more… well red. I had spent ages putting on some light make up and curling my hair in the right way and whatnot"

Emily paused a bit and I started caressing her side. I was actually really curious about her story.

"So we all headed out for this party and it was absolutely mental. The music was a bit shit and loud as fuck. Everybody was completely buggered. I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed. People were throwing stuff everywhere, trashing the place entirely. Others were practically having sex in front of everyone. Don't get me wrong, I had been to parties before with Katie, but being here on my own felt so much more daunting. I couldn't help thinking how Katie would throw a fit if she knew I was at such a party without her…"

Another pause, another sigh and Emily was off again.

"Then… then I saw her. I had lost sight of my mates a while ago, I was well on my way to being completely fucked off my face myself and had just been smashed by some lad when I first saw her"

Emily smiled and I could tell by her expression that she was miles away. I felt my first twinge of jealousy.

"I can still remember how fucking beautiful I thought she was. I can still see her, leaning on that wall lazily, a bottle of cheap vodka in her hand… She was wearing skinny blue jeans, a navy t-shirt saying "Maybe partying will help" in bright yellow and a pair of flip flops. She was tall and skinny, with blonde hair falling on her shoulders and had the outer most bored expression on her face. I remember staring at her then and as if she knew I was there, she turned her gaze and locked her eyes with me. I think I actually gulped when I saw she had eyes that were the clearest blue I had ever seen"

I felt my hand stop it's movements as Emily described the woman to me. It felt uncomfortable to have her describe someone who wasn't me so… lovingly. Emily seemed to get back from whatever place she had been and looked at me. She smiled apologetically before shifting closer and kissing me between the eyes. It was then I noticed I was actually frowning. I adopted an expression a bit more neutral, well as neutral as possible, before indicating her to continue.

"I don't know how long we stared at each other, but I swear I couldn't focus on anything else. Then she smirked at me and I felt something in my chest roar. I knew I had to talk to her. I had never in my life felt so bold, but I walked up to her then like it was no big deal. When I reached her level, I fumbled a bit for something to say. She was looking at me curiously, still a firm smirk in place. I set my sight on her t-shirt again and asked her

"_Is it helping then?"_

"_What is?"_ she replied.

"_Partying" _I finished.

She laughed and I felt my heart soar at the sound.

"_Not really"_ She said.

She was silent for a bit and then reached in her back pocket and took out a pack of fags. She asked me if I smoked. I told her I didn't. She shrugged then and said:

"_Well I do"_ Before stepping off the wall, walking passed me and heading to the back door. Of course, I followed her. When we stepped outside, she lit up a fag before taking a swig of vodka. She handed me the bottle and I drank too"

Emily laughed and shook her head.

"The vodka was absolute rubbish and tasted like death, but her presence was unsettling me so much I drank anyway. We didn't talk, but drank in silence for a while. When her fag was out she threw it in the sand and told me she didn't feel like going back inside. I told her I didn't feel like it either and we decided to go for a walk on the beach. I had never… I think it was the first time I was ever attracted to a woman. Or at least it was the first time I was aware of it. Back in College it was always about Katie this and Katie that. I don't think I even knew what I wanted"

Emily stopped talking then. I could see a storm in her eyes. It made me sad. So much anger, so much disappointment. I don't think I had ever seen that in _my _Emily's eyes. And I really felt for her then. I felt for this beautiful and amazing Emily who was essentially the same person I had loved so much and been with for years in my reality, but who had led a life so different from mine. There was a pent up sadness in her, a darkness I guess that didn't exist in mine. It didn't make me love her any less though.

"What happened then?" I asked her.

I wasn't sure I really wanted to know, but I sure as hell needed to.

"We walked and started talking. I told her my name and asked her hers. She contemplated not telling me. Made me work for it. cow. Eventually she ended up saying it"

"What was it?"

"Julia…" Emily said.

I swear I could hear the love in the way Emily said it. It made me sick. I clenched my teeth and Emily continued.

"She was a psychology student at Plymouth Uni and had heard of the annual Beach House Party. She had decided to come over with acquaintances. We walked for a long time and talked and drank. She made me laugh a lot. She was a bit of a cynic. We ended up walking to a wooden gazebo. It was old and dirty and half broken. We sat in it anyway. I was so pissed drunk by then that everything was spinning. Still when I was looking at her, it all seemed to stabilize. We were silent for a moment and I think I actually shamelessly stared at her. I remember wondering for a moment if she was real so I grabbed her hand. She didn't move it. The contact was making my heart beat crazily fast. I had never felt like that before."

Emily took a big breathe and paused again.

"I don't know if it was the alcohol or the moment or whatever, but I… I looked at her and kissed her"

My heart squeezed painfully despite myself. I couldn't help it. I hated being jealous, I really did.

"It felt like a personal victory when she kissed me back" Emily continued. "I didn't even think then and just acted. I was still a bloody virgin"

The petite was blushing now.

"We shagged or maybe we made love… I'm still not sure, but it was… special. I know I wasn't all that good and I was clumsy and nervous and well pissed, but it didn't seem to matter."

Emily was silent again and I was trying to stop my heart from hurting. It wasn't that easy. I absolutely hated hearing about her "making love" to someone else, as clumsy and drunk as it my have been. I hated the idea that she had lost her virginity to some stupid psychology student. She was supposed to have lost it to me. I was supposed to be her first and always special because of it. Now I was what? Just a girl that had come along afterwards and made her cheat on her husband. But wait! Why had she married a man if she had lost her virginity to a woman? If Emily had known she liked woman in _that _way then, why had she still married a man? Maybe something had happened with this Julia girl…

"How long did you guys dated?" I asked in a small voice.

Emily scoffed and when I looked at her I saw that her eyes had somewhat gathered some tears. Jesus! Did that girl have such an impact on her that she could cry over it still?

"We didn't date"

"Why not?"

"She fucked off" Emily said harshly.

"She… what?"

"She just… after we were done. We laid together for a minute perhaps and then she just sprung away from me, told me it had been a mistake and started getting dressed. She was freaking out, that part was obvious. I got dressed as well, didn't bother with the tights mind, and tried to tell her she didn't have to be scared. I tried to tell her that this had meant something and that I didn't believe her. She didn't give me the courtesy of replying and just… left. I didn't even know her last name, let alone her mobile number. I never saw her again…"

"That's… shit… I'm sorry" I said slowly.

Stupidly enough I felt like I needed to personally apologize. I guess it was because I knew _I _had run out on her after our first time, even if it wasn't valid here. And I knew exactly how Emily had felt about it. So I knew exactly how this Emily had felt, being walked out on as well by this _Julia_.

"It's nothing to do with you" Emily said, her smile returning.

She shuffled closer to me to place a soft kiss of my cheek. I smiled as well. And then I remember why we had started this whole conversation.

"You think I look alike her?" I asked Emily.

"I… well…" She stammered before blushing. "Actually… when I first saw your campaign posters all those years ago, I thought… well I thought you _were _her."

"What?"

"I thought you were her… The first ones just had Campbell on them and I had never known her last name… But then I learned your name was Naomi not Julia… I was obsessed about it for a while… I was sure you were her… It seemed you were the same… you looked just as stunning and whenever I watched you in the news, my stomach would do flips…"

I smiled at that because I couldn't do otherwise. So much for hating me at first right?

"Don't laugh!" Emily warned.

"But it's kind of cute, you were my fangirl"

"I was not! I thought you were someone else!"

Well that took away my smile fast enough. Emily kissed me on the lips though before saying:

"It doesn't change the fact that I do think you're ridiculously sexy and attractive though"

I chuckled.

"Anyway, I looked you up, tried to see if it really was you. I dunno, maybe you could have given me a fake name or maybe your middle name. So well I looked you up. Turns out you had never even been to Plymouth and hadn't even studied psychology…"

"No… I studied politics at Bristol U"

"Yeah… and then I saw this one interview in Portsmouth where you were for campaigning purposes and you said it was your first time there… And then well… there was Sam… And you married her and well… I knew then you couldn't be Julia because Julia wouldn't just be openly gay… Not after the way she reacted with me" Emily finished sadly.

"Sorry to disappoint you" I replied bitterly.

"Hey don't say that…"

I didn't reply anything. There were so many questions in my mind now. Was this why Emily liked me then? Was I just a good imitation of her long lost love? Was this the sole appeal she had for me? I felt my heart squeeze and I clenched my teeth. I didn't like that prospect at all.

"Hey" Emily said shuffling closer again until her front was completely flushed with my side. "What's wrong?"

I hesitated a second.

"Is that it then? Is this… what I am? A ghost of _her_? Is this why…?" I trailed off.

"No!" Emily replied automatically. "You're not a ghost of anyone! You're just you! You can't believe I wanted you because I thought you were alike her! That's not why! Naomi… I… I… I really really like you okay?"

"Do you?" I asked vulnerably.

"I do… "

"But… I remind you of her…"

"To be honest I was pretty drunk that night. If I saw her today, she would probably look nothing like you except the blonde hair and blue eyes. I associated you with her back then because I think I wanted you to be her. I'm not thinking like that anymore. I like you for you and she has nothing to do with it. Naomi… You're…"

Emily swallowed hard and the tears were back in her eyes.

"You make me so ridiculously happy I can't… It's hard to take, okay? I… I want to be with you all the time and I can't bloody stop thinking about you. Trust me, I've tried. It's terrifying, but also utterly addicting. You're addicting"

I cupped her face in my hands and pecked her on the lips.

"You make me feel the same way" I admitted.

Emily smiled bashfully and I was relieved. She couldn't fake this look in her eyes. She was looking at me like I was the only other person in the world and it felt more than nice.

"That night in the club, I was trollied okay. I was on drugs too and I thought you and her were the same because at the moment I thought you were twins. Drugs remember? And… I didn't understand it at the time, but I do now. You make me feel something so strong… something I haven't felt since her. But the truth is if I felt it a bit with her, I feel it in tons with you. I know that now…"

I kissed her again. Fucking hell Emily was literally perfect wasn't she? I let ourselves get lost in the kiss for a moment, but then drew back. There was still one nagging feeling. Even if Julia had fucked off, I didn't understand why Emily had ended up marrying a man.

"Ems… Why… I mean, I don't want to be rude but… what about Jim? If your first time was with a girl… Are you like… Bi?"

Urgh, I hated myself to be forcing a label onto her. Emily's expression predictably darkened.

"The weekend after the party was the weekend where Katie threw a fit for my hair color… I was already devastated because of Julia and then Katie came along telling me how people wouldn't like me anymore… and I guess I just… believed her. I went back to Uni with brown hair, returned to being small little Emily, Katie's twin who's painfully introverted. I didn't make any more friends, barely even saw the ones I had, stopped talking to pretty much everyone I guess and then, in my last year of Uni, I met Jim. He was in one of my class and well he just seemed to like me. For some reason he started talking to me and flirting with me. I hadn't been flirted with in ages and well… it felt nice, he was nice. Katie came over for a weekend and we ran into him and she thought he was proper fit. She kept flashing him hints of her cleavage but he never turned his attention to her. Katie was really impressed too and urged me to date him. I did, it was easy. And well one thing lead to another. I didn't want to think about what had happened with Julia… I tried talking to Katie about it, but when I just mentioned the fact of maybe liking woman she threw such a fit that I dropped it. She told me I was lucky to have found Jim and that I should leave it at that. I just went along with it. I eventually forgot I _had _had feelings for a woman once. And Jim always took good care of me"

That last statement felt wrong to me because who was he? Emily's keeper? But I didn't want to push the issue too much with her. Instead, my big mouth asked something else it probably shouldn't have.

"Do you love him?"

Emily was silent for a moment. Again, tears forming in her eyes. She threw her arms around my neck and breathed me in it seemed.

"I… I'm not sure anymore. I thought I did. I mean I care about him and in a way, yeah, I love him, but… He's never made me feel like this. I had forgotten… And then you came along and… I don't think I could stay away from you even if I tried."

Her tears left her eyes to trail down her cheeks and I held her.

"Shush… It's okay" I cooed. "I… I…"

_Love you_, I wanted to say.

"I'm here" I said instead. "And I'm not going anywhere, yeah?"

Then I kissed her with all the passion and love I had. If I couldn't tell her, I would show her, I thought as I pushed Emily on her back among the blankets. I was ready to kiss her until our lips bruised or until our bodies were completely void of oxygen if that meant she'd see how much I loved her. Things were far from perfect, far from alright. There was still so much to talk about, but it would have to wait. For now, I loved her and I think she was realizing she loved me too. And for now, it was enough.

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**Phewww! So much talking! This was a very slow paced chapter but things should pick up in the next. Thank you again to everyone who's still following this! I have to tell you… we're actually nearing the end. Although there are a few chapters left, we're undeniably nearing the end. So thank you if you've stuck with this for so long! Oh and a quick reminder, I still have a Polyvore for this story, but the link don't seem to work anymore on my page so you can look it up on misskeek (dot) polyvore (dot) com. Also, I now have a Tumblr account. I've created it mostly for being able to thank the people on there that mention Manifolds. It means a lot to me that you get excited enough about this story to blog about it! So you can find my page at mmekeek (dot) tumblr (dot) com. I'll be checking it regularly enough if you want to ask me something (anything) whether about Manifolds or my personal life. Go on, don't be shy. If I don't wanna answer or can't, I just won't :P Thanks again, and see you next time :) **

**MM xx**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Well hello friends! Good morning! (or evening) First off thank you so much guys :) So happy to see that most of you are still loving this story! Warms my heart really.**

**Second, Aww my little gang of wishful thinkers you :P I kind of love that you all want Julia to be Naomi because it shows how true Naomilians you all are! Hope no one will get disappointed by that particular plot line though ;) I'm afraid you'll have to wait to find out moreee. **

**Okay so Elyse asked me something about Naomi's scars in her review and as she doesn't have an account, I'll post the answer on Tumblr. So Elyse, you can go to my Tumblr account for the answer! **

**I wanted to say something about the collab, but when I asked Emz what she thought I should say her answer was: "that you want my body". So cheers lover and sorry for you all because apparently I want Emz's body but have nothing to say about the collab :P Btw, congrats to Emz for finishing Feel It, what an epic ride it was! **

**Finally, there is a reason why I'm updating today and not tomorrow and not yesterday and it's because today is ReadingNaomilyAllDayErDay's birthday! And a little birdy told me she'd quite like an update for her brithday! So there you go baby copper, the update is here and just for you! Hope you have a smashing time for your birthday! Happy Birthday xxx**

**Disclaimer: I haven't written one in ages! In case anyone had doubts, I did not acquire Skins in the time I stopped posting a disclaimer! **

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Manifolds

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Chp. 29

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The rest of the morning was spent lazing around in bed. We ordered room service and ate on the terrace, not really bothering with wearing much, there didn't seem to be much point to that anyway. We didn't even shag again. To be honest I wasn't exactly sure why, I mean the desire and lust was definitely there, but I think it was because we just wanted to revel in each other, lose ourselves, but not in a sexual daze. Like we could already tell that there was more to us than just the sexual desire. Well of course, _I _ could have told you that right from the bat, but it felt nice to see that Emily seemed to feel the same. It was reassuring, but not just for the situation. To see Emily like this with me had made me realize how connected we really were. Okay so sure things hadn't been perfect in the last reality, but in this one Emily hadn't been able to help herself when it came to me and that was something I was extremely happy of.

At one point we did eventually venture out to get some fresh air, but the weather was a bit shit so it wasn't like it was all that nice. But we were nice, felt nice. Us, together, it felt right. The subject of Jim and Julia or anyone really had been dropped so that only she and I mattered. We held hands and stole kisses between sentences. We felt like a couple, even if we weren't, not really anyway. I was happy to just be with Emily, but the more the day advanced and the more I knew we'd eventually have to lay low as real life would catch up with us. I wasn't quite as ecstatic about that if I was honest.

Soon enough, we had to pack our bags and depart to London. The car ride back was a bit quiet. Emily still played DJ, but this time, it wasn't quite as cheery. I mean, yes Coldplay, Lana Del Ray and Mumford and Sons were much better than Aqua and The Vengaboys in my book, but it was admittedly a bit gloomier. I hated that it felt like we were driving to the end of our happiness. We hadn't really discussed how things should go once we were back in London and, in all fairness, it wasn't a conversation I was that eager to have. I was afraid that a return to reality would freak Emily and then she'd cut all contact with me. For my sanity's sake I really hoped this wouldn't happen.

All too soon I was stopping the car in front of Emily's flat. I had both my hands on the steering wheel, too nervous to move an inch. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to say goodbye. Did Emily expect anything of me? Should I play it cool? Could I? I could feel my arms stiffening. I still hadn't moved when Emily asked:

"Could you help me get my luggage out of the car please?"

"Yeah sure" I muttered quickly taking off my belt and stepping out.

I went to the trunk and retrieved Emily's luggage before following her to the door. My movements were slow and uneasy, mechanical in a way. I felt like a bloody robot. I didn't know what to say or what to do so I just followed orders. I brought the luggage to the door and waited for Emily to unlock it. I didn't even follow her inside, but instead looked at her stupidly from the doorstep. When the brunette turned around and saw that I was still standing awkwardly, she gave me a half smile.

"Jim's not home… he won't be until late tonight… You can, well, come in. If you want" she said.

I nodded before taking a step inside, dragging the luggage with me. Everything was still very neutral, very neat, very foreign. I stared at the stupid pictures of Jim and Emily and felt my throat squeeze. As much as I could justify what Emily and I had done by citing my love, there was no denying that I was "the other woman" and that I had driven Emily to cheat on her husband. Yeah, sure, I hadn't exactly needed to convince Emily too much and she was just as guilty as I was, but the fact remained that she still had cheated with me, because of me probably. And cheating in every form and for any reason was a shit thing to do. I knew Emily was bound to obsess over it and I still hadn't ruled out completely the outcome where she came to regret everything.

So I stood there silently, my hands in the pockets of my jeans not really knowing what to say. I was feeling alien in this house so proper and sweetly decorated, in this house that was every bit of the testament of who Jim and Emily were as a couple and a testament of how much I didn't fit in that picture. I was feeling like the stain in all these neutral colors, this thing that was clearly crooked and uninvited. I didn't know where to put myself and what to do, yet I couldn't just turn around and say "see you around" to Emily. I wasn't sure what she wanted to do and I didn't want to force anything on her. So I continued to stand and waited.

Emily was clearly fidgeting and I could tell she was just as much deep in thoughts as I was. She took a step towards me slowly, tentatively even. She hesitated then, but in the end she brought her hand forward, took my hand out of my jeans and wrapped her fingers around mine. She was still about a foot and a half away from me, but she squeezed my hand tight and gave me a small smile. I gave her one as well and returned the pressure to her hand. This was a bridge, this hand holding. It was the one thing she could do to show me that it had meant something to her, that, even in London, she still cared, I was still more than just Naomi Campbell to her.

"Naoms…" She spoke softly.

I fought the urge to close my eyes then, but couldn't stop the bashful smile. I had never been able to control those when she said my name so softly.

"I… I know I said I couldn't stay away from you even if I tried… and I still think that, but… I think maybe… Maybe we should… tone it down?" she continued.

Her voice was fragile, close to breaking. I gulped slowly before replying because I feared mine would be worse.

"What do you mean exactly?" I asked feeling the need to know more.

"Just… maybe we should like… not see each other… just for a little while" She added the last part quickly. "I just… I need to figure things out and I can't… I don't know what to do, I need time, okay?"

She was looking so sad so heartbroken and I was feeling like I could laugh, although a bit bitterly. Oh Emily… Was she really asking me? Didn't she know I'd do about anything for her? This was going to be hard, but if it was what she needed, I could hardly deny her. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah sure… whatever you need…" I approved.

She gave me a thankful, but sad smile. I could see her eyes were filled with tears again but I didn't want her to cry. She had to be strong and so did I. This was a good thing, our love was a good thing. I needed her to be happy.

"We can still text each other… maybe call?" Emily squeaked.

"Yeah… I'd like that"

We stared at each other in silence. I clenched my teeth to keep myself from adding more, but couldn't hold it for very long.

"How long?" I asked her.

"I don't know…" She replied lamely. "Usually Jim wants to spend extra time with me after weekends away… He's probably gonna invite me to dinner or something on one night and will want to cook another…"

The brunette stopped talking when she noticed my scowl. I hated that he would make his weekend absence up to her. I hated that he would be with her when I couldn't. I hated that he would probably want to make love to her, touch her in all the places I had rediscovered, all the places I had marked with my love. I shuddered at the thought of him on her. I shuddered at the though of his large frame towering over my Emily, at the though that he'd erase every trace of me.

"I'm sorry" Emily spoke softly.

"S'okay" I muttered, not really thinking it.

"You'll wait?" She asked after another pause, worry etched on every corner of her face.

I nodded because of course I would. We were silent again and I could feel my own eyes welling up in tears. I needed to get out of here before I broke down. I squeezed Emily's hand again and two thick tears fell the length of her cheeks. I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles softly. I lingered a bit too long on her skin before letting her hand go and turning around to head to the door.

"I'll miss you" She whispered as my hand touched the doorknob.

A spark of electricity shot through me at an extreme speed. Suddenly I wasn't in Emily's flat in London at 24, but in the hallways of Roundview at 17. I whipped around and walked confidently to her. When I wrapped my arms around her neck to crash our lips together, Emily didn't even try to fight me off. It's funny how this was so reminiscent to me, but also a completely different situation. If they hadn't been busy kissing Emily, I would have bitten my lips to stop myself from saying the same thing I had last time. But again, this time the things I "couldn't" do were completely different. It wasn't loving Emily that was the problem now, it was resisting her despite my love, letting her go. I wanted her to be mine, all mine, husband or not. It wasn't long before all thoughts of leaving right away left us and Emily led me to her bedroom.

We made love then, achingly slowly. We devoured each other's body and peppered our skins with kisses and licks and gentle nips. Every time I hummed against her, it felt like I'd let my love escape. When I made Emily see stars, I was so amazed by the sight of her that I'm not sure I didn't just tell her then that I loved her. If I did thought, neither of us could remember. When we were done and both dressed again, Emily led me to the door, our hands still clutched tightly. It was her time to kiss me on the knuckles then before giving my lips a quick peck as well.

"I'll contact you I promise" She said and I nodded.

I knew that us making love hadn't changed what she had said earlier, but at least I felt like I had had the opportunity to properly give her my goodbyes, leave an imprint perhaps.

I went back to my flat after that and crashed on my sofa with my mobile clutched in my hands. I tried distracting myself with telly, but couldn't get my roaming mind to stop wondering what she was doing. Was Jim home yet? Was she with him? Were they shagging? Was she thinking about me? I worried myself to sleep right there on my couch, phone still held tight to my heart with no message from Emily.

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It took a total of three days for Emily to give me any news at all. I had texted her a few things in the meantime, trying not to be too insistent or too stalkerish. My feeling of sickness had gotten worse with each passing day, so when she finally did send me something, I nearly passed out of relief. It had been short, just a quick "I miss you and I'm thinking of you" but it had been enough to keep my demons at bay for a while longer. I had to admit I hated that waiting game and I was absolutely no good at it. I was always afraid when I had to put my heart on the line, but usually, I'd always make a bold move and get my answer straight away. I had never had to wait much for anything. Even when Emily had found out about Sophia and I had waited for her forgiveness, I had kept a part of my feelings to me, guarding myself against possible hurt. I had only let it all out in the shed and if that hadn't been a bold move, I don't know what was.

This time though I was totally open, no armour, no shield to protect me. Even if I hadn't actually said the words "I love you" to Emily, everything else about me had been extremely clear about it. It was nauseating to me and I think I had bitten my fingernails to the smallest they could go. Some days I was feeling so worried that I would feel dizzy. I wanted to have faith and stay positive, but let's face it, I didn't even know how to begin to be like that. Emily had always been the optimistic one. I was the cynical sarcastic one in the relationship. I had never imagined such a situation and although I hated every second of it, I would tough it out if it meant I might have a chance to be with Emily again.

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It had been a week and a half since I had dropped Emily at her flat after our trip to Manchester and I still hadn't seen her again. Despite my best efforts, I was not getting used to missing her this much. Most days I would just laze in my room or in the living room, doing absolutely nothing but think about her and realize how pathetic I was being. I had tried not to pressure her into anything, but I had nevertheless asked her about two days ago when we'd be seeing each other again. She had replied that she didn't know and that Jim had noticed something different about her and it worried her. She had told me that she missed me though and that still made me feel better even if it didn't fill the void that her absence had caused.

At the moment, I was on my sofa, doing absolutely nothing but staring at the ceiling. I felt like I had become someone else, like this whole ordeal and waiting had transformed me into a bloody cocoon. It was a status-quo, I was stuck in limbo with absolutely no idea how to get out of it. I was snapped out of my thoughts by my doorbell going off. I jumped out of my seat and quickly made my way to the door. I was nearly in hysterics and had to contain myself not to run. There were about 5 people that actually had my address in London and one of them was Emily. Could this be her?

I sprung the door opened and felt my grin slide when I realized it wasn't Emily, but Cook and JJ.

"Naomio!" Cook said loudly. "Please hun at least try to hide your disappoint why don't ya?"

"Cook" I muttered. "What are you…? Hang on, come in"

Cook walked in effortlessly, but JJ stayed outside. I grinned.

"You too Jay"

"Thank you Naomi"

I lead them to the living room before facing them both.

"Well this is pleasant innit?" Cook said laughing a bit. "What ya been up to Blondie?"

"Yes Naomi, what have you been up to?" JJ continued. "You look… Well you look"

"Like a fockin' munter" Cook finished.

"Aww cheers Mate" I replied sarcastically looking down at my clothes.

Okay so maybe I hadn't taken the time to carefully dress myself in the past few days but you could hardly blame me. At the moment, I was sporting and old pair of black joggers and a dirty white tank top. I knew for a fact that my hair was a complete mess and I didn't have one inch of make up on. I knew Cook wasn't far from reality, but it was still shit to hear about it. I felt like shit therefore I had the right to look like shit. I wasn't sure how happy I was to see them now.

"That's not quite what I was going to say!" JJ defended his cheeks reddening.

"Ya, sure?" Cook said.

"Yes! I _was_ going to say that even if your face is still very close to the symmetrical perfectness of Chernoff which puts your personal aesthetics quite above average, the obvious lack of bodily care and the poor choice of attire does not render you as pleasing to the eye as usual, statistically speaking"

"My way was quicker. Still means you're minging"

"Oi! D'you mind?" I snapped moodily.

Cook just shrugged and laughed. I swear barely anything ever got through to that boy.

"Anyway babes, what's got you all neglectin' and stuff?"

"Nothing! I'm not neglecting" I defended.

"I'd like to refute that statement" JJ added.

"Now you're both making me regret inviting you in…"

"Oh shush Blondie, you're right happy, yeah?"

"I Suppose…"

I couldn't help but smiling a little at that. I mean Cook was right, despite the insults it was actually quite nice to see them. I had been so busy losing myself in my agony of missing Emily that I hadn't thought of anyone else. God I had been such a shit friend. It was really nice to have them here in front of me, it was quite comforting.

"Yeah-eh! Group hug!" Cook cheered before dragging me and JJ into his crushing arms.

"Cook for fuck's sake! You're smothering us!" I said grinning.

"Ya ya, you love it"

"Fuck off, you great sod" I giggled.

Really these guys had a way of cheering me up. It was literally impossible to be mad at them. I made a mental note not to let it go so long without seeing them again. As a silence installed itself, Cook settled himself on my couch.

"So how've you been? Enjoying celibacy?" He asked.

I shifted a bit on my spot. Fuck, I hated lying.

"I've been good…"

"Yeah? Seen any of your little lady?" He asked waggling his eyebrows.

"Cook!" I said.

"What lady? Have you been seeing anyone?" JJ inquired.

"That Fitch lass, Emily"

"Cook!" I repeated.

"What?" JJ exclaimed. "But but, isn't she married? And, well, heterosexual?"

"Well apparently Blondie turns them!"

"Fucking hell Cook! Stop with the bollocks!"

"You mean to tell me you haven't been seeing her then?" Cook asked raising his eyebrows.

I threw my arms in the air. I didn't want to betray Emily, but lying to Cook wasn't something I was particularly good at. I knew he'd see right through me. Still, I just couldn't just admit it and reveal Emily's unfaithfulness.

"Not like that, no. She's married" I stated as firmly as possible.

I could see Cook furrowing his eyebrows and JJ was looking very uncomfortable.

"You still fancy her though?" he ended up asking.

I bit my bottom lip and looked away. This discussion was not what I had had in mind when they both stepped into my living room. I didn't _want_ to think about Emily! I thought they'd distract me, not shove me right back into the subject.

"I have to admit Naomi I do not advice you get yourself in an adulterous situation. I mean people who engage in infidelity often increase their anxiety and depression levels alarmingly. And that's without taking into account the effects on-"

"Thanks JJ! But can we not talk about this? I'm telling you, there's nothing to talk about okay?"

"Ya sure babes?" Cook said sceptically.

"Of course…" I said with a total lack of confidence.

Cook was about to add something when my doorbell rang again. I frowned wondering who it was, but still took the opportunity to leave the room. Anything to get out of this conversation. I walked to the door and opened it. I stared when I realized it really was Emily this time.

"Emily…" I stuttered. "What are you d-"

I was cut off by Emily pouncing on me and connecting our lips together. And in that moment, I was so lost by the feel of her that I completely forgot anything else. I walked her into the apartment and kissed her eagerly. Fuck me I had missed the daylights out of her. This feeling she was creating deep within my soul had to be more addicting than heroin, or any drugs on this earth to be honest. Emily was the first to disconnect our lips and stared at me.

"I'm so sorry! I know I said we shouldn't… that I needed time. I still have no clue what I'm doing, but I was missing you too much" Emily said in a hurry.

I cupped her cheeks with my hands and tried to shush her.

"Ems, it's alright"

"It's not alright! I can't stop thinking about you!"

She kissed me again and I felt the world dissolve again. Only this time it was brought back by voices, male voices.

"Oh bobbins!" I heard on my right along with a howling laughter.

Shit! JJ and Cook. I had completely forgotten about them. Fucking Emily and her perfectness. She made me forget about everything. The brunette sprung away from me as if she had been stung and turned to stare at my two friends with wide eyes.

"What were you saying Nai? Not seeing her like that, ya?" Cook said his eyes full of amusement and mischief.

"Oh god, oh god, Bobbins. Oh my giddy giddy aunt. This… this is… they were kissing. Girls kissing. As in more than friends kissing. Lesbian kissing. Oh bobbins. This is cheating. This is also exciting. I'm excited. They're exciting me. Oh bobbins. It's wrong. lesbian kissing. Not that that's wrong. But the cheating part is. Oh god!"

"JJ!" I shouted as the boy continued his rant.

Emily had turned white next to me and Cook was finally turning to shake JJ.

"JJ! Locked on mate!" he said.

It took another second, but JJ finally shut up. We all looked at each other uncomfortably. God this was not good was it?

"Shit" Emily muttered next to me, closing her eyes before running a hand over them.

I looked at her worriedly before looking back at Cook and Jay.

"Could you please just… just give us a minute yeah?" I asked them.

Cook looked like he was about to make a joke, but when he spotted the serious expression on my face, he instantly sobered up and led a still mute and shocked JJ back into the living room. When I was sure they were really gone, I took my attention back to Emily.

"I'm so sorry! I forgot about them" I said pleadingly.

Emily opened her eyes again and I could see the tears in them. I stepped forward and took her in my arms. I was relieved when she fell in them effortlessly. She clung to me as if I was the only solid thing in this world and I let her. I placed kisses to the top of her head and ran a hand reassuringly down the length of her back. Okay so now Cook and JJ knew about us and the more people knew, the more complicated it would be. But at that moment, I couldn't quite focus on that as I was just so happy to have Emily back in my arms.

"They won't tell anyone" I said after a moment.

"Are you sure?" Emily asked worriedly.

"Yeah, Cook's a twat, but he'd never betray his friend. As for JJ, we might have to get him to calm down first, but it should be fine."

Emily nodded into my chest taking a deep breath.

"I'm happy to see you" I whispered.

"Yeah... me too" Emily replied.

She pushed herself a bit away from me and lifted her head to give me a quick peck on the lips. Or at least that's what it was probably meant to be before her lips lingered.

"Jesus…" Emily whispered as she took her lips an inch away from mine. "I've missed you so much"

"I know the feeling" I replied. "What about Jim…? I mean… didn't you say… He's noticed something hasn't he?"

I heard Emily gulp before she started shaking. Her eyes were filled with tears again.

"It's my fault. I've been more distant and he can't figure out why. I just can't stop thinking about you… I feel awkward every time he's around"

"Won't he notice that you're gone?"

"Probably… I just… I couldn't not see you for another day…" Emily confessed her voice heavy.

"Good, me neither." I admitted. "I'm glad you're here"

We kissed again slowly and both hummed into it. It really did feel fantastic to be with Emily again.

"Maybe we should go talk to the boys now though…" I said hardly keeping myself from cringing.

That conversation was not something I was looking forward to.

"Oh god…" Emily said. "They're going to think I'm a horrible person"

"Of course not!" I said.

"You heard what JJ said!"

"JJ gets locked on Ems… You can't take personally everything he said. I mean he did say it was exciting…" I reminded her trying to take away some tension.

I knew I had somewhat succeeded when I saw a little smile crawl up on her lips.

"There it is" I said running my thumb on her bottom lip. "I knew I had left it somewhere"

Emily laughed at that and pecked me again before I took her hand in mine and led her to the living room. When we walked inside, both boys lifted their heads to look at us. I noticed that Cook had went to the kitchen and served a big glass of mango juice to JJ. I smiled at him. Good lad, he still knew what to do. Emily squeezed my hand nervously and I saw Cook's eyes dart right to our joined hands before he turned on his Cheshire cat grin.

"Ladies" he greeted us.

I scowled at him. He was far too amused at the situation and his cavalier attitude was not going to reassure Emily.

"Sooo… Just friends aye?" Cook piped up, barely keeping himself from laughing.

"Judging by their entangled hands and the fact that we saw them kissing in the hallway mere minutes ago, I would suggest that Naomi and Emily have been entertaining a relationship that is certainly more than friendly. Objectively speaking, the level of comfortableness they seem to be displaying when together suggests that this might not be exactly recent or perhaps they have a level of mutual understanding that exceeds the norm and therefore my observations aren't completely exact" JJ said in a hurry before spotting my scowl and taking a huge sip of juice.

We stayed silent for a few seconds before Cook burst out laughing. I don't know if it was from nervousness or not but I soon joined him and so did Emily and JJ a few seconds later.

"Fuckin' JJ!" Cook snorted through his laughter. "So how long you two been doing the love dance then?" He continued after calming down.

I felt my heart flutter at the L word and I felt Emily tense beside me.

"None of your business Cook" I replied sharply.

"Aww come on Naomio! Don't be like that! Give Uncle Cookie the messy details ya?"

"Cook please… Look, can we just… not make this a big deal?" I asked uncertain.

"Well if we assume that Emily is still married, which I think she is by the look of the ring on her left hand's ring finger, then this is what most of the population considers cheating. Of course we have no proof of whether or not you've been engaging in sexual intercourse and therefore could argue that kissing isn't considered cheating on the same level as having intercourse, but again, your level of comfortableness would seem to suggest that you _have_ been having intercourse, possibly for quite some time. In any case, cheating is regarded by the majority of people as being a big deal"

"Jay! Please… Look, we're dealing with this okay? Can you just… keep the secret for now yeah? We're not… I mean, I'm not asking you to approve or anything… just… please don't tell anyone"

"Oh I approve Blondie! If she's as feisty as her sister, then you snagged yourself quite a bird!" Cook said.

I shot him an evil glare.

"Okay okay!" Cook said putting his hands up defensively. "Look Nai, we're your mates yeah? JJ's gonna calm down and it's all gonna be fine. Be shitty of us to judge innit? You don't have to worry 'bout us. We'll keep ya secret"

I turned to JJ to give him a questioning look.

"It would be very easy to judge, but Cook is right, that is not what friends do. Besides, fidelity is a hard concept that tends to vary between partners. Also, being outside the situation gives us an approximate image of 50% of its reality and based on such a low percentage, my capacity to judge it is impaired. Your secret is safe with me as well Naomi"

This time I smiled, taking care of sending the both of them the most grateful of looks. I turned to Emily and squeezed her hand. She smiled at me albeit a bit weakly.

"Thanks" I muttered.

"You know what we should do now babes?" Cook said looking eager.

"What?"

"Celebrate!"

"Celebrate?"

"Ya! Go out on the town! Some clubbin' and drinkin'! That'll bring back some happiness ya?"

"Cook I'm not sure it's such a good idea…" I started chancing a look at Emily.

I stopped though when she spoke up for the first time.

"Actually… Could we?" She said softly looking at me as well.

"You sure?" I asked her bemused.

"Yeah… I just feel like I need to let some steam off you know?" she continued.

"Okay then" I said shrugging.

"Alright!" Cook exclaimed happily. "Emilio man my little muff monkey, I'm already liking you loads!"

Emily blushed at her nickname and I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure how this night out would go, but I had to admit, I was feeling up for it as well. Anything was a good thing if I could be with Emily.

.

.

Emily had needed to go back to her place to get something to wear while Cook, JJ and I hung out at my flat. We had decided to go out in Bristol at Emily's request because it would be less nerve racking for her as she'd be less likely to run into someone she knew. As much as the whole sneaking around and secrecy was upsetting me, by that point, I would have done anything to be with Emily. Besides both Cook and JJ lived in Bristol and the arrangements suited them fine. I was a bit worried about Emily disappearing for the night and lying to her husband, but she had assured me she'd deal with Jim. I could only trust her.

A few hours later, we were all meeting again at mine before leaving for Bristol. The ride was quick enough and before long we were arriving at Cook's new flat in Bristol. We parked there and drank a bit before heading out. JJ had never been one for partying hard, but I had to admit I was surprised by the amount of enthusiasm he was showing. Of course he was sticking to sodas, but he was still very lively and chatting animatedly. Taken out of London, Emily was a lot more relaxed. Or maybe it was the fact that Katie wasn't around. Either way, it was nice to see her laughing freely and enjoying herself. Her eyes were shinning with mirth and there seemed to be no trace of tears. I could only grasp and enjoy the moment.

When we headed out, Cook lead us to the club Thomas had DJ at in my reality. I was a bit wary of that place since I was far from having good memories of it, but the music was pretty good and Cook was in good terms with the bouncer. We drank some more and Cook popped a couple of pills. Emily and I decided to skip. Anyway, we were drunk enough on each other. From the moment we had set foot in Bristol, my petite brunette beauty and I had been unable to stop touching each other. When we got to the dancefloor, it only got worse. Or well better. I could never describe touching Emily as a bad thing. My senses were flaring, my heart was pumping, my complete body was in tuned with Emily's. She'd press her hips into mine and I'd run my hands on her bare arms. She'd put her arms around my neck and I'd incline my head to whisper softly in her ear. It was sexy and sweaty, but also very intimate. If the last time we had danced like this our lust was guiding us, this time it was clearly something else. It was passionate alright, but it was deeper, more meaningful. I think it was our love, guiding our feet, guiding our arms, a bubble of love and trust and joy. We were one with the moment, not letting anything get to us. For tonight, there was nothing else but us anyway.

After dancing a good part of the night away, Emily tugged me aside and led me to the upper floor. I followed her blindly, without once asking myself anything, but when she continued to drag me and we started climbing the staircase I knew to be leading to the rooftop I slowed down.

"Ems…" I started hesitant.

I had absolutely no desire to go on that fucking rooftop.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked me.

"I don't want to go there"

"Why?"

"Because… I just… don't feel like it" I lied lamely.

"Please Nai… I want to see the stars" The petite whined.

I felt my resolve melt a little at her voice and when she completed the effect with a pout and her puppy dog eyes, my resolve just plainly disappeared. God I was whipped.

"Okay" I conceded sighing.

Emily squeaked of joy and continued up the stairs. A few seconds later, we were stepping outside. The brunette dragged me for a bit and I felt the shivers run down my arms. I was putting a big effort into trying to stop myself from frowning. I hated that place and I hated being back there. I had absolutely no good memory of it. I could still see Emily, standing up on that ledge and I could still remember that one moment I had really wondered if she would jump. I don't think I had ever been that scared in my entire life. As I had watched her and realized I actually didn't know how I could live in a world with no Emily, it's like my own world had come crashing down and the only person I could blame was me.

"Are you okay?" The petite asked me, breaking me out of my musing.

"Yeah…" I said with as much conviction as I could muster.

"Yeah?" She pushed.

"Yeah yeah"

Emily didn't look too convinced, but as I sat down and pulled on her hand to have her follow, her worry seemed to ease itself a little. I leaned on some pole and Emily settled herself between my legs. I circled her waist with my arms and she eased herself into me, sighing contently a she did so. She tilted her head back, letting it fall on my shoulder as she looked up at the stars. I followed her gaze to look as well. I was rather impressed because there actually was an impressive display of stars tonight.

"It's so pretty" Emily said.

"Yeah…" I replied.

We were silent for a while longer after that before Emily asked me:

"Do you know anything about stars?"

"Sure" I said simply.

"You do? Please tell me about them" she requested in the cutest of voice.

"Okay" I said with a smile.

I lifted my right arm off of her and point at a group of stars that was shinning particularly brightly.

"You see those 5 stars over there?" I asked her.

The brunette nodded.

"Well this is the Sirius Severus constellation"

"Really?" Emily asked sounding impressed.

"Yeah" I continued nodding my head.

"What does it represent?"

"Well it's about childish grudges and rivalry really. Something about two talented warriors quarrelling… " I started before launching myself into a huge tale.

"Wow… Where did you learn all this?" Emily asked when I was done.

I bit my bottom lip before exploding in laughter.

"What?" Emily asked.

"Ems… I'm shitting you. This was a load of bollocks. Sirius Severus? Harry Potter yeah?" I admitted laughing.

The petite made an offended noise before shoving me gently with her shoulder.

"You cow!" she said through her giggles.

"God you're so naïve"

"Pff"

We laughed a bit before falling silent again. It was nice though, the silence. Emily was still pressed into me and my arms were still around her. I was surrounded by her scent and if I wanted to kiss her hair or her cheek, I could just do it. It was nice to have her here with me, maybe a bit too nice. I didn't know how I was supposed to let her go after that.

"Do you ever wish things were just… simple" Emily said after sighing loudly.

"They can be simple if we make them…" I replied.

The petite scoffed.

"I don't see how they could be" She said.

"Well we could abandon everything and just fuck off. Wouldn't need to deal with anything then" I joked.

Emily laughed.

"That's true"

"Although, it wouldn't be a very mature plan" I added sagely. "Aren't we supposed to be like… grown ups and make grown up decisions?" I asked.

"I think that that's what we're expected to do yes" Emily approved.

"Urghh, I feel too young to be a grown up" I admitted.

"Yeah" Emily laughed. "Fuck maturity, it's overrated. Let's just run away together. We could drive wherever we wanted to"

"Yeah, we could sleep in the car, take it in turns to drive"

"We'd sleep on the back seat. Probably do other things there as well" Emily purred.

"I still have quite a lot of cash, we wouldn't even need to prostitute ourselves to eat"

"That's definitely a bonus"

"I know right?"

"We could visit every city in England, maybe skip to France at some point"

"Yeah, drive around Europe, that'd be nice. As long as we'd be together it would be nice"

"Yeah it would…"

We fell silent after that, both a bit lost in thoughts.

"I wish we really could do that" Emily said in a small voice.

"Yeah me too…"

"I miss you… all the time"

"I'm right here" I said squeezing her.

"I mean when you're not"

"I know…"

"This is all so fucked… so… hard. I wish it wasn't"

"Yeah… I'm sorry…"

"What for?" Emily asked curiously.

"I dunno… I just feel… responsible somehow. If you hadn't met me your life would still be perfectly fine"

"No!" the brunette exclaimed turning around to face me. "No Naomi, it wouldn't be. I'm glad I met you. You make me so… happy" she admitted. "I feel like I'm actually someone when I'm around you and not just the Emily everyone wanted me to be. It terrifies me when I think I nearly didn't give you a chance, well, didn't give me a chance to get to know you"

"That's true you almost didn't… twat" I joked kissing her softly on the lips.

Emily smiled through the kiss.

"Enough talking" Emily said after. "We've done enough talking tonight"

"We're gonna have to talk about some more stuff eventually though…" I said.

I didn't want to be the party pooper, but we both knew it was true.

"I know… but… for tonight, can't we just sit like this? Just for a bit?"

I smiled as I looked into her gorgeously shinning eyes and remembered a scared young girl and a cat flap. I kissed her on the lips before pulling her into me again.

"Yes, we can" I muttered in her ear. "For a bit"

.

.

.

The days and weeks that followed were a bit crazed. As much as Emily had wanted to be careful and subtle at first, this affair was quickly turning out to be neither. Most days, my beautiful brunette would find an excuse to see me and she'd come over. We rarely left my flat though because Emily was afraid she'd run into someone she knew. Whenever Jim was out of town, she'd spend the night at mines. I knew it was wrong and I knew I should feel guilty about it, but I couldn't find it in me to be. I knew I had told Emily we'd need to talk eventually, but I was so lost in my happiness with her that talking had been pushed somewhere far away in my mind and my petite goddess seemed to be quite happy with that development. We'd make love a lot, relishing in each other's body, giggling and kissing and licking and I was loving every second of it. But other times we'd just hang out at my flat, watch shit telly cuddled up on my couch and it felt just as good, just as right. If Emily hadn't had to leave pretty much every night, it would have felt like we were together again. But of course we weren't…

As an unspoken rule, we barely ever mentioned Jim and never discussed him. Every time we did, Emily would lose her smile and worry would creep up on her face. I understood at first and played along, but the more time passed, the worse it got. At first there had been a lot of guilt in her eyes at the mention of her husband, but now, she'd looked more afraid then anything. I wasn't sure why that was though. I had thought at first it was because she was considering telling him and it was scaring her, but she never mentioned anything of the likes.

I couldn't deny that things were becoming increasingly weird and I didn't like it one bit. This week in particular because Emily hadn't been able to come really often and hadn't even had the time to text me much either. I had been rather nervous, nervous that she might have changed her mind about us, but also worried about her. I had been considering showing up at her place and had even figured a bit of a plan around it when she had finally showed up on my doorstep. When I opened the front door, she literally jumped in my arms and kissed me hard. I didn't minded one bit and backed her into the apartment, kissing her back eagerly.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Busy, I'm sorry babes" She replied.

"S'okay, I've missed you that's all"

"I've missed you too!" Emily said before smiling and kissing me again.

We snogged like horny teenagers for a while before making our way to my bed and making up for lost time. It was sweet and passionate and nothing short of amazing. It was always like that Emily and I. I kissed every inch of her body just because I could, pouring my still unsaid I love yous into my touches because I still didn't feel like I could voice them. The second we were done thought and I cuddled with Ems, she started looking a bit distracted.

"Are you okay?" I asked her worried.

"Yeah yeah, sorry, I'm a bit knackered" She replied smiling, but I couldn't help to notice that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Are you sure that's it?" I asked, kissing her shoulder as I ran my hand on her naked skin.

"Yeah" She replied softly, closing her eyes and revelling in my touch.

I didn't push it. We stayed in bed all day that day, either chatting or making love again. Sometimes Emily would snooze a little and I'd let her. She was looking really tired and had some dark circles under her eyes. Still, when she was awake, we did talk quite a lot. We talked about everything. She told me about her years at Uni and I told her about Effy. I found myself smiling when I described her and for the first time in a while, I started missing my best friend like crazy. Emily held me in her arms and peppered my hairline with kisses until I felt better. She asked me about my scars and I made ridiculous excuses for them. She liked to trace the one of my shoulder, always telling me how happy she was I hadn't died because she wouldn't have met me then. I, for my part, traced patterns on her bare back, making roads from her shoulder blades to her bum. We kept about lighter subjects as well but through all our discussion, we always managed to thread carefully around any talk of the future. I have to admit I was getting more uncomfortable about the whole deal and felt like I needed to discuss it, but I didn't want to pressure Emily. I knew this was her entire life, her marriage and everything. And of course I knew she was probably afraid of what her mom would think if she ever decided to leave her husband for me. After all Jenna was never known for her tact and understanding nature no matter the reality. In the end, I didn't say anything at all and just tried to enjoy the moment.

It was late in the afternoon when Emily stated she had to get home for dinner. Before going though, she asked me if she could take a shower and, of course, I agreed and soon followed her there. The brunette didn't complain and welcomed me warmly when I snuggled behind her, wrapping her up in my arms and kissing her neck. She tilted her head back to let me kiss her more and I obliged. A few seconds later, I turned her around to kiss her lips but stopped when I spotted a few blue marks on her left wrist and right bicep.

"What are those?" I asked.

Emily looked down at herself before sending me a worried look. The next second, her expression changed and she gave me a weak smile.

"Huh, I hadn't noticed those. Guess we were a bit more physical than I thought" She joked.

But there was something fake about her smile and something wrong about her tone. She was lying to me. Nevertheless I pretended to believe her for a second so that I could have a closer look at the bruises. I grabbed her arm gently before running a few careful fingers over her blue skin Emily tensed when I did and when I retrieved my fingers, I noticed there was foundation on them. I frowned and brought the brunette's arm under the water to remove all trace of the make-up. I gasped when I noticed the bruises were much bigger than I had first thought. They were of a deep purple color, clashing horribly against her normally so pale skin.

"What the fuck Emily?" I asked her.

"It's nothing" she replied angrily, tugging her arm free from my grip.

"It's definitely not nothing! Where the fuck did you get those? Why did you just lie about them?"

"I don't know…" She said vaguely.

"Well you must know something if you tried to hide them from me!" I said louder.

I was getting angry at her and my mind was running wild. I needed her to give me something.

"I hide them all the time Naoms, okay? It's not a big deal. Sometimes we get passionate and I mark easily that's all. I don't want Jim to ask questions" She said.

"That's bollocks Ems! We're not quite that rough and you don't mark easily" I challenged because I _knew_ I was right.

I was from a reality where I had dated Emily for 8 years, I knew everything about her body and I sure as hell knew she didn't mark easily at all. Besides, those bruises were too big to be my doing.

"Did Jim do this?" I asked before clenching my teeth.

I swear if that fucker had touched her he was dead.

"Fuck's sake Naomi" Emily said before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around her.

I quickly closed the tap and followed her.

"Just answer me Emily!" I said.

She quickly walked to my bedroom and dried herself off before starting to get dressed.

"Emily!" I pushed.

"He didn't touch me okay?" she finally replied.

Somehow, I didn't believe her.

"Ems… If he fucking did this I'm gonna-"

"Gonna do what exactly Naomi?" She cut me off.

I was stunned into silence.

"He didn't touch me" She repeated.

"Ems…" I started, still doubting her words.

"Please Naomi" She said looking at me with pleading eyes. "Drop this yeah?"

I didn't want to, but when the brunette crossed the distance between us to place a careful kiss on my lips, I nodded slowly, reluctantly. I wouldn't exactly drop this, but for now, I wouldn't push.

"And please get dressed because it is taking me everything I've got not to ravish you right now and I really have to go" She said with a cheeky smile.

I laughed and did as she said. A few minutes later, I walked her to the door. We said our goodbyes inside and then opened the door, leaning on the frame to watch her leave. I was still worried sick about her. What if Jim really had done it? Was she covering up for him? Was she in danger? What was I supposed to do? What could I do if she didn't let me help her? I couldn't bare the idea of my Emily being hurt…

"Hey" Emily said turning around and snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Hum?" I replied uncertain.

She walked back to me.

"Don't do that" she whispered.

"Do what?"

"Worry"

"I can't help it…"

"Well don't. I'm fine okay?"

I nodded slowly, but couldn't really meet her eyes. She walked even closer and snaked her arms around my neck. She played with a few strand locks of my hair to get me to look at her.

"Babes… please don't worry" She pleaded again bumping our noses together.

I looked at her then and saw that her eyes were full of tears. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I could tell she was a right mess about it. And she didn't need me to be worried, she needed me to be strong, to support her through whatever she was going through. Of course, worry isn't some sort of switch I can just turn off, but I could at least try to make it a bit more subtle. I gave her an apologetic smile before kissing her cheek.

"I'm sorry… Just… take care of yourself okay?" I asked.

She nodded before joining our lips together. We kissed slowly, both breathing hard into it. Our tongues met over and over and our grips on each other tightened. Fuck I loved her. I loved everything about her and I kissed her just like that, reminding her that I was right here and would always be. After a few seconds, we had to emerge for air. Emily connected our foreheads together, promising me she'd try to come back as soon as possible before pecking me quickly and walking away for real this time. I watched her get into her car before turning around and walking back into my flat.

I had barely made it to the living room when the doorbell rang. I turned around figuring Emily had probably forgotten something.

"Missed me alrea-" I started but soon shut up when I noticed it wasn't Emily on the doorstep but a very very angry looking Katie Fitch.

"Shit"

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**Well that is that! I hope it was too much shit! I wasn't sure how I felt about this! Anyhow, review and let me know please! Now that that's posted, I think there are 3 to 4 chapters left to this story! (eek!) I've been trying to speed up the writing so I can update more often! Obviously, reviews help loads for that ;) (unsubtle hint I know :P) But yeah, thanks for reading! Much love to you all! xx**

**MM**


	30. Chapter 30

**I'M SORRY! I can't believe how long this took! Well, look at the length, that does explain a bit, but still! 2 days after posting the last chapter, I was half-way through this one! I thought it was gonna be such a fast update I was so proud! And then real life reared its ugly head! Basically I had finals, I moved and one of my best friends was dumped. Which all contributed to delay the writing process! **

**Anyway thank you so much for the support you've shown me! The reviews have been phenomenal! I'm so deeply honoured to have been able to hear from so many of you! I think you guys are pretty f*cking fantastic to tell you the truth! I can't believe how enthusiastic you've been all the way! **

**I won't delay you any longer! I hope you enjoy it! There really aren't that many left. If everything goes according to plan (and so far they should) there will only be two last chapters after this one! What an exciting journey it's been! Will be sad but happy to get this story to an end!**

**Thanks again!**

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Manifolds

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Chp. 30

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"_Missed me alrea-" I started but soon shut up when I noticed it wasn't Emily on the doorstep but a very very angry looking Katie Fitch. _

"_Shit" _

"Shit's about right, muff munching bitch!" Katie said as she stormed into my flat.

I stared for a second and I have to admit I had absolutely no idea what to say. I shut the door behind me and turned to look at Katie. I braced myself for a slap or a punch or something but nothing came. Huh, maybe this reality's Katie wasn't into violent solutions.

"You've got about 30 seconds to convince me not to hit you" The redhead said menacingly.

Or maybe not.

"Katie look… It's not-"

"Don't you dare fucking finish that sentence Campbell! I just fucking _saw_ you snogging my sister on your front step!"

That shut me up real fast. Fuck. I had hoped she hadn't actually seen anything, but of course, with the luck I had, she had seen everything.

"I told you to stay away form her!" Katie growled when I didn't say anything.

"It's not that simple"

"Like fuck it is! And now you've driven her to fucking cheat on her husband! You _do_ realize she's married yeah?"

"Oh fuck off Katie!" I snapped feeling my own anger rise. "You're one to talk! Do you really think Cook didn't tell me about you two?"

"This has nothing to do with me! It has to do with Emily and Emily's different"

"Emily is her own person, she can decide for herself!"

"No she can't!" Katie yelled. "Or else she wouldn't be cheating on her lush husband with a fucking _girl_. She's not gay!"

"I beg to differ" I scoffed.

"Go fuck yourself Campbell! Stay _away_ from my sister"

"No" I replied simply.

"What do you mean no?" Katie asked dumbfounded.

"Exactly that, no. I'm not gonna stay away from Emily"

"You've got some nerve bitch!" the petite growled.

"So do you!"

"What!"  
>"You come into <em>my <em>house and you start insulting me and telling me how to lead my life and you thought I'd actually listen to you? Bit presumptuous there Katie"

"You can lead your weirdo lezzer life the way you want as long as it doesn't involve my sister!"

"Well too bad it does!"

"Fuck _off_" the redhead repeated taking a step towards me.

"No" I repeated taking my own step towards her.

I was done being intimidated by Katie and I was done not fighting for Emily. I knew the circumstances were fucked, but there was no way I was backing out now. I wasn't going to abandon Ems now, I wasn't that person anymore.

"I'm not going to repeat it again" Katie said staring me down.

"Good, because neither will I" I said staring at her as well.

The petite was the first to break the eye contact and stepped back a little. I fought back a smirk because I knew it would annoy her, but I knew Katie enough to know I had won this round.

"Why do you even care about her? You've had your fun, why can't you just walk away?" She asked.

"I had my fun?" I repeated incredulous. "You really think this is about fun?"

"Of course. It is for Emily anyway. She's just bored. She doesn't work, gotta take care of the house while Jim is working and she's been feeling lonely. You're just distracting her until she figures a way to work things out with her husband. And believe me she will. Emily's not gay, she's just stupid."

"You're wrong" I said through clenched teeth.

I hated that Katie was talking about Emily like this as if it was an absolute truth. Did she really think that of her sister or did she just want me to believe it?

"Oh yeah? What do you think then? That this is something else? What Campbell? Did the big bad semi-famous lezzer fall for the housewife?"

I clenched my teeth harder, but didn't reply.

"Fuck me you're pathetic Campbell! You love her don't you?" Katie sneered. "Well I'd hate to burst your little bubble, but she doesn't feel the same about you"

"You don't know anything about us Katie" I snapped.

"Oh yeah? And you think you know her more than I do? Hardly babes, I'm her _twin_. I've known her forever and I can tell you now, don't get too many ideas, Jim and her are solid, you're nothing to her"

"That's not true" I argued.

I tried to sound certain, I tried to sound convincing, but Katie was getting to me. Fucking bitch. As much as I knew she wasn't such a horrible person inside, I have to admit this version of Katie was being impressionably hard to like.

"Grow up Campbell"

"No you grow up Katie! You're the one who's pathetic! Getting all scared, meeting me behind Emily's back because you're afraid she might be gay? News flash Katiekins, this isn't the 60s anymore, being gay isn't such a big deal"

"Well if licking clits gets you wet that's your thing, it's just not Emily's. Leave her alone and stop ruining her life"

"Ruining her life? Are you actually that fucking blind?"

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"Can't you see she's not happy?"

"Yes she is!"

"No she's not! She's not happy with Jim"

"Yes she bloody fucking is! What would _you_ know about their relationship? You're way too busy fucking it up to actually know how it is"

"She's told me" I replied, certain this time.

"She said the words "I'm unhappy in my marriage?"" Katie asked.

"Well… Close enough"

"There is no close enough, either she's said it or she hasn't" Katie said before pausing for a long time.

When she started speaking again, her voice was much softer.

"Look Campbell, you've got this wrong and you're just gonna get your heart ripped out"

It took me by surprise. I didn't expect Katie to do anything but yelling, but she had. I frowned and looked into her eyes, this had to be a ruse. This had to be typical Katie manipulation, her way of making me do what she wanted. I looked into her brown eyes that were so much alike Emily's and tried to see a hint of lie, a hint of malice. I was even more surprised when I didn't see it. Wow, she really did think I was gonna get hurt in all this.

"Why do you care about my feelings?" I asked Katie, my own voice back to normal.

"Well… you might not believe me anymore, but I _do_ like you okay? Before you turned your bitch force on me, mind. Anyway, I've always thought you had some balls and I've always liked you for it. I always thought you and I were a lot alike. Outspoken and fierce and not afraid to fight for what we care about. Even on telly I can tell that that's how you are."

I pondered on her words and gave her a half smile. She was right actually, we were very similar persons. I guess I'd always known that and it was perhaps one of the main reasons why we had hated each other so passionately in my reality, because we were so painfully similar. Both afraid most of the time and ready to do anything to hide that fact. Emily had always told me as well, how much Katie and I were "the same". Of course I always denied her statements vehemently, but deep down, I knew she was right.

"Why are you so sure that I'm the one who's gonna get hurt in the end?" I asked.

"Because Emily won't leave Jim"

"Why? Because you won't let her?" I replied getting annoyed again.

"Because she just won't, I _know_ her! Fuck sake's Naomi can't you see she's got everything? A fit husband who loves her, a nice house, enough money to live comfortably and soon she'll have the kids to go with it. Why would she throw all of this away? For you? Get over yourself!"

"What if it's not what _she_ wants Katie? Have you ever stopped to think about that for a second? What if this life she's got aligned for her isn't what she wants?"

"It is"

"No, it's what _you_ want Katie, not what she wants. You should stop living through her"

"Euh news flash, I've _got_ that too"

"No you haven't" I said seriously.

I knew I was playing into my "special" knowledge here because Emily hadn't told me about Katie's premature menopause, but I didn't care. Katie clearly couldn't see the difference between her dreams and Emily's dreams and that was not alright. She needed to realize that Emily was her own person with her own set of dreams.

"What- Did Emily tell you?" the redhead asked furious.

I just shrugged to avoid lying. Knowing Katie, she'd draw her own conclusions anyway.

"Bitch! She had no right! This is none of your business" the petite said turning around.

"Katie…" I started taking a step toward her.

"Fuck off Campbell, I don't need your pity" She thundered.

I scoffed.

"Like I'd pity a bitch like you" I replied.

Katie turned around surprised. Her eyes were already filled with tears and I immediately knew she wasn't alright with the menopause, that she hadn't dealt with it at all. Nonetheless, she smirked at my comment. I knew she would. Insults had always been an important part of our relationship somehow. I guess it was the way we connected. I walked to Katie and we both sat on my couch in silence. I placed a careful hand on her knee and she didn't move it. It was definitely awkward, but it was better than the yelling. I didn't break the silence because I wanted Katie to. She was sniffling next to me, obviously trying to control her tears. I knew she wouldn't talk until she regained a certain sense of control.

"Our mum would never allow it" Katie said after a while.

I nodded slowly because this time, there was nothing I could argue. She was right, Jenna wouldn't allow it. Especially not in this reality where Emily was married to a _man_.And even if Jenna wasn't the boss of Emily's life, she still mattered.

"And Emily won't do anything to go against her"

"That won't stop me from trying" I said softly.

"Why put yourself through so much when there is so little chance of success?" Katie asked genuinely curious.

"Because you were right earlier Katie, I love her. I really fucking love her. And I can't let her go. She makes me happy and I make her happy as well. I… I think she may love me too… Shouldn't that be enough?" I asked her.

"It should. But it rarely is" the petite said sadly. "Relationships are more complicated then that. You think they aren't but they are"

By the end of her sentence, I had a feeling Katie wasn't talking about me and Emily anymore. She looked so lost for a second I was sad for her. I didn't pity her, don't get me wrong, but I was sad for her. I was sad for this Katie who clearly thought she wasn't worth much if she couldn't produce the perfect life with the perfect husband, the perfect house and the perfect children. I felt sad for this Katie because she didn't look happy. She didn't even look like she knew how to be happy or what being happy even consisted of. It's funny how some of our actions affect more than just us. I had always thought that Emily's actions, Emily's courage to step out and stand out had only affected me, only encouraged me to be more than I was expecting of myself. I had never realized that, all along, it had affected Katie too. Emily had stepped out from behind her and had shown her it was alright to be yourself and not an image of a futile dream. Emily had shown Katie that it was alright, that not being "picture perfect" wasn't the end of the world. It was heart-breaking to see a Katie so subdued regardless of what she was projecting. As much as she was trying to hide it, I could see right through her. It definitely wasn't nice to see an adult version of the Katie that I had known at 16 when I knew Katie was actually so much more than that. She was Katie Fucking Fitch after all.

"Is that why you're married to a man you don't love?" I asked her as a way of offering her an olive branch if she wanted to talk.

No matter which reality we were in and no matter if she had just spent most of her time earlier yelling at me, the fact remained that I did care about Katie. She was my lover's twin sister, my best friend's girlfriend and she was also a bit of a sister to me now after all those years. Good reality or not, this didn't change, not to me. She gave me a murderous glare, but didn't reply. She closed her eyes for a second before shrugging.

"Doesn't matter what I do. Thought we were discussing Emily here"

"Whatever you say Katie…"

We were silent again for a few seconds. That's when I remembered the bruises I had seen on Emily. With Katie bursting in and yelling, I had forgotten for a minute.

"Katie" I began. "There's something I need to tell you"

"What?"

"You're not gonna like it" I said.

"Just spit it out Campbell and stop with the melodramatic act" she said annoyed.

"I think Jim is hurting Emily"

"WHAT!" Katie yelled getting up from her seat and facing me.

"I think Jim is hurting Emily" I repeated seriously.

I wanted Katie to know I wasn't joking about this.

"That's not possible!" She exclaimed. "Jim would never do that!"

"She had bruises all over her wrist and bicep…"

"That can't be him! It has to be you! Maybe you didn't notice you were doing it" the petite reasoned.

"No Katie, it wasn't me. They were much too big"

"There must be another explanation then. Jim is a sweetheart, he'd never hurt her!"

"Why are you so sure?" I asked feeling my temper rise.

"Because I know him! He's sweet and attentive and-"

"Controlling. He already decides everything in Emily's life, how can you be sure he didn't lose it when he started noticing Emily was "disobeying" him?"

"He… he wouldn't…"

"You sure?"

"Well… They seemed fine last Sunday at my mum's" Katie argued. "They even announced that they were gonna start trying getting pregnant"

"What?" I asked dumbfounded.

Emily hadn't said anything about that. Fuck. She hadn't said, how could she not have said? Was it true?

"I'm sorry" Katie told me softly.

"I… it's fine… I hum… just didn't know about it that's all"

It wasn't fine but it would have to be for now. The idea of Emily having sex with that prick was still upsetting me so the idea of her carrying his kids was even worse. I felt sick just thinking about it.

"Anyway, that doesn't change anything. She had bruises Katie. Big purple bruises"

"Maybe it was accidental, like, maybe she proper fell or knocked herself onto something. What makes you so sure it's Jim?"

"She lied about them. Told me she hadn't noticed and then I realized she had tried covering them up with make-up. When I asked her about it she said it was nothing and told me she marked easily"

"What? That's rubbish!"

"I know"

"Fuck…" the redhead muttered.

"I know you want me to fuck off and leave Ems alone, but I won't, I can't. I'm not asking you to root for me or even encourage me, you can even continue to despise me to a healthy dose, but please Katie, help me keep Emily safe alright?" I asked.

The petite looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"Yeah alright. That I can do. I'll look into this and see what I can find. I'm still not convinced it's Jim though"

"Thanks" I said with a genuine smile.

It didn't matter if she thought it was Jim or not, just the fact that Katie would be on the lookout as well had me relieved. With both Katie and I looking out for her, Emily was bound to be alright… right? She was bound to stay safe… Fuck, she had to be.

"Look Naomi, I've got to go" Katie said after.

"Yeah sure"

We walked to my door and once Katie had stepped out she turned to look at me.

"Any chance you'll leave Emily alone if I ask you nicely?" she said.

"Nope"

"What if I punch you on the nose?" she continued.

"You do know she'd just be mad at you right?"

Katie sighed heavily before rolling her eyes dramatically.

"It was worth a try" she said before walking away.

I chuckled to myself before closing the door. Katie would always be Katie and as much as she could be a pain in the arse, I was quite glad to have her as my ally.

.

.

.

The next few days passed a bit too slowly. Emily was being as distant as ever, her texts and calls fewer and shorter than usual. I would have been worried sick if it hadn't been for Katie who kept me regularly updated on Emily. As far as I knew, she was fine. Or at least she was physically fine. It wasn't much but it was something.

I would have liked to just barge into her house and make sure she was alright more than just physically, but I couldn't really do that could I? I mean if Jim was suspecting something, it certainly wasn't that his wife had been unfaithful with another woman, that I was sure of, but I was sure he'd still regard it as weird for me to just burst into their home unannounced. I could understand that Emily was playing it safe, that she was the one that had to deal with all this deception and lying, but it was still driving me proper mad. I hated that I didn't really know where to put myself. I didn't want to bug her and pressure her, but I was worried sick about her at the same time. Whenever she'd call, her voice would sound hollow, empty, like she was perpetually tired. I hated that there wasn't much I could do but let her be. I hated it because, what if it wasn't enough? What if Jim was hurting her? I couldn't possibly just hang back and let it happen now could I? I had thought of calling Cook and asking for his help, but I didn't want to get him into trouble and if I knew my friend enough, trouble was exactly what he'd get out of it. He wasn't a subtle man and I could tell he had really taken a liking to Emily the last time we had gone clubbing. Now she was part of our little family of misfits and I knew Cook would do anything to protect her. But he couldn't. I didn't want him to go back to jail because of this. So I decided not to tell him anything. As for JJ, as much as I loved him, he couldn't keep a secret from Cook even if his life depended on it, so that was a big no no.

So I just carried on, annoyed and bothered for being so ridiculously insignificant, so completely powerless. I mean Emily did text me sometimes at least so I knew she didn't suddenly get cold feet about us. When she called me, she'd whisper that she missed me, her voice always filled with so much truth that I had no doubt that she still wanted me. I knew she was confused though. The longer we spent apart, the sadder her voice sounded on the phone. The whole situation was getting messier by the minute and I could tell that it was even taking its toll on Katie. I was getting impatient with her constant news of nothing and she was getting impatient with my foul mood. At least we weren't at each other's throat anymore and she had dropped her constant speech of "leave my sister alone". She still insulted me on a regular basis, but I could tell she was really glad someone cared for Emily like that apart from her. Of course, that didn't mean she had suddenly decided I was the best thing for Emily and I knew she didn't believe Jim to be responsible for her sister's bruises, but at least she recognized that I cared and she took my help. Anything to keep Emily safe was good enough for Katie and quite sincerely, it was good enough for me as well.

I had been dying to see Emily ever since her last visit, but it was becoming increasingly harder to see each other. Apparently, Jim was spending more time home taking impromptu days off and that gave Emily very little time to do anything else. As if the fates had known it was bothering me, I found myself randomly running into the very person I had been thinking about constantly at Tesco's. For once I felt like life was on my side.

"Ems" I said surprised when I stepped into the dairy aisle and came face to face with her.

"Naomi" She exclaimed almost breathlessly.

I wanted to be upset at her because here she was, wearing a puffy yellow skirt, a simple white shirt with half long sleeve and a large brown belt, looking absolutely stunning, looking so goddamn cute doing nothing but her groceries. And I had been pinning after her all week, hanging in there and worrying my heart out and she was doing the simplest thing in the world, like it was nothing, like all was fine and like I had been worried over nothing. But I couldn't get upset, not when another once over made me notice how her hair seemed a bit messy and her frame even smaller than usual. There were dark rims under her eyes, like she hadn't slept properly in ages and she just looked genuinely so tired, so… fragile, that it completely broke my heart. All thoughts of being bitchy flew right out of me and instead I walked towards her.

"Fucking hell Emily!" I said.

I made a move to hug her to my chest, but she put a hand out to stop me. She looked around herself quickly in fear and I clenched my teeth. It felt like she was rejecting me and that hurt. Part of me wanted nothing more but to turn on my heels and walk away. Hell, had this been the "me" I had been before this whole messy experience happened, I probably would have. I didn't deal with rejection, I ran away from it, I had _always _ran away from it. But I was different now. I didn't exactly know how different, but I knew I was. I wasn't running away anymore, I was done running for good. I wanted to stay and fight. Stay by Emily's side and show her that she could trust me.

It's funny how this brave thing was something Emily had shown me, my beautiful, perfect, caring Emily. She was strong and she was fierce and she was everything I thought I wasn't. If I had been religious I would have called her my salvation, my bloody saviour. It was with her strength that I had gotten mine, with her faith that I had started believing. It was funny because, here, none of that mattered. Here, Emily needed to draw her strength from me. Complete role reversal and I wasn't sure if I trusted myself to be good enough, but that didn't matter because I _had_ to be. There was no way I'd let her down.

She was looking at me with hurt eyes and a pleading look. There was so much pain swimming away in her beautiful brown orbs that it was unbearable. She was so broken it tore my soul apart.

"Ems…" I tried again. "We need to talk"

The universal words of trouble, I know, but we did. Ever since the last time she had been over, she had been distant and we still hadn't found time to discuss either her bruises or the whole baby deal with her and Jim.

"Naomi I… I can't… I'm doing groceries… Jim he's… He'll notice I'm gone too long I just can't" She replied turning her head away from me, reaching her hand out to grab a carton of milk.

"Ems!" I exclaimed before reaching my own hand forward and closing my fingers around her wrist.

My original plan had been to tug Emily gently to force her to look at me, but when I closed my fingers on her wrist and saw her wincing in pain, I let go immediately. Fucking hell! I definitely hadn't squeezed that hard!

"What the fuck was that?" I said in a hurried whisper.

I didn't want the whole store to hear us, but I needed to get Emily's attention.

"Nothing" Emily said quickly, still not looking at me.

"What do you mean nothing? Fuck Emily, I barely touched you!" I said my voice getting a bit louder.

"Shush! Please don't cause a scene"

"You've got to tell me what's going on!" I pressed, lowering my voice again.

"Naomi… I thought I told you to drop it"

"I can't do that!" I scoffed.

"Why? Why can't you just leave it alone!" Emily said finally turning to face me.

I expected to see her angry, but when I didn't see that at all, I gulped slowly. Emily wasn't angry, she was hurting, breaking. Her smile and shinning eyes were gone and it felt like she was an entirely different person. I hated seeing her like that. Her eyes were set on me and I knew then that she was challenging me, challenging me to give her a reason for all this, a reason to us. I took a step closer to her and reached my hand to cup her cheeks. I ran my thumb on her soft skin and heard her breath hitch. I stared back at her hard and waited for a few seconds until I knew I had her complete attention.

"You know perfectly why Emily" I said with as much seriousness as I could.

I would have told her that I loved her then, but it wasn't the right time. I know we spend our whole lives waiting for "the right time" for everything and I know there isn't really such a thing, but there needed to be a better time for this, a time that wasn't in the middle of Tesco. I knew Emily had still understood what I had meant to say though when her lips started quivering. The next second her body was ragged with painful sobs. I drew my arms out and drew her in and this time she let me, fell into me. I held onto her as she sobbed in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of Tesco. Some people would slow down to look at us, but I'd send them evil looks and they would walk away. I kissed Emily's hair and cooed into her ear until her sobs subsided.

"Come" I said softly before grabbing her hand and leading her out of the shop.

I didn't care that both our baskets were left in the middle the dairy aisle and I didn't care about the weird looks that followed us to the exit. All I cared about was to get her out of here and get her to talk to me. I lead her quietly to a nearby coffee shop, taking a seat outside. I ordered her to stay there until I came back with some tea. I was almost scared she'd be gone by the time I came back, but when I did, she was still there, still seated in the exact same way I had left her.

"Hey" I whispered as I sat in front of her and handed her a tea.

She took it slowly and brought it close to her lips, blowing on the hot liquid. We didn't talk for a while and just sipped. I wanted Emily to calm down a bit before we talked. I took out a pack of fags from my pocket. I took one and offered her one. She accepted and placed it between her dried lips as I lighted it. She took a long drag, closing her eyes in the process. When she took the fag out and held it between her small fingers, I noticed that she was shaking. Her free hand was playing with a napkin on the table and she was shaking one of her legs. She was nervous, that much was obvious, but this was me and I didn't understand why she was so nervous around me.

"Hey, it's me" I said as I placed a hand on hers.

She looked up at me and gave me such a weak smile that I winced. How could she be hurting so much?

"What's wrong?" I asked her my voice full of concern.

"Everything's fine Naomi…" She said.

"I don't believe you" I stated plainly.

Emily was quiet. She took another long drag before fixing her eyes on me again. She stared for a long time, her eyes taking in my whole face carefully. I felt a bit self-conscious under her intense gaze. I didn't budge though and after a while my beautiful brunette smiled. It was the first time of the day that it seemed a bit less empty, a bit more real.

"You're so painfully beautiful…" She said, turning her hand around and intertwining our fingers.

"I'm not…" I said blushing.

Emily had always been the only one that was able to make me blush like that, like such a girl. That woman had such an effect on me it was insane.

"Yes you are. Every time I look at you it scorches"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I'm still debating"

I gave her a smile and brought her hand to my lips.

"Please come back to mine…" I pleaded.

Emily frowned a little.

"I thought you wanted to talk" She said uncertain.

"I do… But we can talk there. I… I need to hold you Ems…"

The petite smiled and nodded.

"I need that too"

We got up quickly and made our way to my flat. When we walked inside, despite the promises of talking, I lead her to my bedroom. It's not that I had changed my mind, I hadn't, but I felt like we needed this before we could even contemplate having this massive conversation. I undressed her as slowly as I could, taking my time with each piece of garment. I wanted her raw, I wanted her pure and I wanted to be the one to get her in that state so I could show her it was okay to be that way at all. I wasn't just undressing her of her clothes but of all the pressure, all the expectations she had put on her shoulders. This was her and I and nothing else. I made love to her as slowly as I had undressed her, intend on showing her every once of love my body contained for her.

I nearly cried when I saw the new bruises on her small body. There were so many of them, some small like finger prints, others quite larger. I brushed my fingers on them, carefully and kissed each and every one of them. I kissed them so the pain would disappear, so the shame would disappear as well. I was almost certain they were Jim's doing because, who else could it be? But right now I wouldn't ask, wouldn't push, I'd make love to the woman I loved beyond reason and erase her pains and worries if only for a minute.

After Emily came back down from her orgasm, she started crying. In any other circumstances, it might have been funny or awkward, but not in this one. I let her cling to me and kissed her shoulder and neck. I whispered against her skin and kissed it even more.

"Why are you so perfect?" She asked me a few minutes later, her head on my torso, her hand lazily tracing my ribs.

"I'm not" I chuckled because I was anything but perfect.

"You are right now…" she said.

"We still need to talk"

"Urgh… now you're not so perfect anymore" She complained.

"Cheeky"

I felt her smile against my chest and I smiled along with her. I let the silence engulf us for a second, soaking in the moment and grasping at it for as long as I could.

"Why didn't you tell me you and Jim were trying to have kids?" I asked her in a whisper.

I had tried to hide the hurt, but hadn't really succeeded. Emily froze at my question and started shivering.

"I… I… I couldn't" She stammered.

Her body was shaking violently now and I knew this subject was upsetting her, but we needed to have this conversation. It was hurting the both of us and we needed to get it out there. I needed to know what was Emily's plan, if she even had one to begin with. Although I must admit I was fairly certain she didn't have such a thing. I mean the situation was hardly simple enough to have a ready-made plan, was it? We were dealing with more than just our own feelings here and I was painfully conscious of that. Yet, I needed to know where Emily stood in all this and where I stood. I needed to know what her feelings were. It was weird to me to see her so completely lost, so hurt. Well, more like heart-breaking then weird. If there was one thing I was certain of it was that I never wanted to see Emily looking so miserable ever again. Anyway, as noble as my intentions were to start this conversation, I was finding it hard to actually do it. How do you even start a conversation that has the potential of breaking your own heart along with the one of the person you care the most about? How do you find the right words? Are there such words?

"Emily…" I whispered softly bringing my hand to brush against the skin of her back.

I traced her spine until my lover had relaxed a little. Truth be told though she was still shaking a bit and every time I'd brush against a bruise she'd wince slightly.

"Just talk to me… you know you can talk to me" I continued uncertain.

God this sounded so fucking cliché and so fucking wrong somehow.

"I.. I" Emily tried speaking but soon stopped as her body was wrecked with more sobs.

It was then that it hit me first. Oh god… was she… was she pregnant? Was she actually already pregnant? Could you know that soon if you were pregnant? Didn't she need to, like, wait longer? I shifted my position so I'd be sitting instead of laying and Emily sat in front of me. I wanted to take her into my arms, but there was too much pressure in my chest.

"Are you… Jesus Ems… are you pregnant?" I asked.

Emily shot her head up to look at me immediately. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and desperation. Again, I wish I could have given her some sort of comfort, but I was rooted to the spot. I wasn't even sure if I was still breathing to be honest. I just needed her to answer. I felt my chest sore in relief when Ems shook her head.

"I couldn't…" she sobbed. "I couldn't, I can't let him touch me. It feels so wrong when he touches me"

This time I reached out for her and she fell effortlessly into my arms.

"Why does it feel so wrong Nai?" she whimpered into my shoulder.

I cooed her, but didn't offer her any answer. I didn't have the answer anyway.

"He's… he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why I just _can't_ and I just… I don't know what to tell him. And it's hurting him, god _I'm_ hurting him" the brunette continued.

"It's driving him crazy. He keeps trying to figure it out. He already suspects there's someone else" Emily said choking on the last few words. "He's noticing everything now. And I just don't know what to do. If I could just… Then he'd stop worrying and we could just… fuck… that doesn't even make sense"

I held Emily closer for a second before letting her go. We couldn't have this conversation glued to each other, we needed some sort of distance, some sort of standpoint.

"Has he been hitting you?" I asked the petite seriously.

"No" She said quickly, but not truly meeting my eyes.

I knew right then that she was lying to me.

"Ems…" I said warningly.

"It's not… He doesn't… I mean it's not that simple… He doesn't… _hit_ me" she said.

"What does he do then?" I pressed on.

"Nothing... I mean… it's… accidental. He just has a firm grip…" she whispered.

"Dropping a plate is accidental Emily, those bruises aren't" I replied harshly.

I could feel my blood thickening in my veins as anger and rage slowly seeped through my body. Fucking bastard!

"Naomi please!" Emily pleaded. "He doesn't, like, mean to leave marks I swear. It's not even that bad, I just mark easily"

"That's a load of rubbish Emily! You and I both know it! Fuck's sake! I swear he's bloody dead" I thundered.

"No!" the petite exclaimed. "Naomi no! I don't want you to do anything"

"What! I can't just stand there!"

"Please, do it for me"

"That's not a fucking fair thing to ask Emily! I can't do that"

"Just… please" the brunette continued, her eyes filling with tears again.

I shook my head in disbelief. How could she even talk like that? How could she let that worthless husband of hers touch her, hurt her, and do nothing about it? On which planet was that okay and on which planet did Emily let it happen?

"How can you not see how bad this is?" I asked surprise lacing my every word. "Ems, this is _not_ okay"

"I'm fine I promise" she said in a weak voice.

"Are you? Really?" I said in disbelief. "Because from where I stand you don't look ok Emily! You look like you haven't slept in weeks, you're always on the verge of tears and your body is covered in bruises. That's not the definition of okay, not by a long shot"

The petite closed her eyes as my words hit her like tidal waves. I saw her wincing and I knew I had hurt her then. I hated myself for it, but she needed to know, she needed to wake up. When she opened her eyes again, Emily seemed completely destroyed. She untangled herself from the bed sheets and started gathering her clothes around the room.

"Emily…" I pleaded. "Don't do that"

She didn't reply to me and continued to get dressed. I sprung myself into action then, putting on knickers and a t-shirt and blocking the brunette's way as she tried to leave the room.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?" I asked her.

"Because I have to" she replied. "Can't stay here forever"

I bit my lip and hesitated a second before saying:

"You could. You know you could. You don't have to go back"

Emily gave me such a desperate look then that I took a step closer and placed my hands carefully on her hips.

"Stay…" I said in a whisper.

The petite shook her head and sniffed loudly.

"Please... just… just stay. I can't stand you leaving anymore. I can't stand it knowing what he's doing to you… Ems… I'm fucking scared"

"Don't be, I'll be fine" Emily tried to convince me.

I wasn't.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Emily"

"What is it that I'm doing exactly?" She asked.

"You're not happy. You can fool everyone, you can even fool yourself, but you're not fooling me. I can _see_ that you're not happy…" I started. "I can see you dying a bit inside every day and it's killing me"

Emily's bottom lip wobbled for a second before she gulped slowly.

"It's not as bad as you make it sound…" she tried saying jokingly, but the end result was just heart-breaking.

"But it is… It really fucking is" I said in a whisper, my own tears clouding my eyes now.

Emily threw her arms around my neck and drew me closer. She kissed my jaw before saying:

"I wish you didn't care so much"

"I wish you cared a bit more"

Emily made a noise between a chuckle and a sob. She pulled away from me then and looked me straight in the eyes. She leaned closer and kissed my cheekbone tenderly before dragging her nose along it. When she looked back at me, her eyes were shinning again.

"I love you" Emily muttered, her voice heavy with meaning.

I gaped at her surprised. I hadn't expected to hear her saying that at all, but I felt my heart sore at the confession. I was feeling light-headed really. I mean, were there words more perfect than this? She loved me. She actually fucking _loved_ me. This Emily in this reality loved me!

"I lo-" I started but was cut off by Emily's thumb.

"Don't, I know" she said quickly, shakily. "And if you actually say it, I think it'll just be too much to bear"

"Too much of what?" I asked.

"Happiness…" she admitted sadly before kissing me full on the mouth.

I kissed her back, hugging her to me.

"Fuck… I love you so much" Emily whimpered against my lips and I squeezed her tighter.

We broke our kiss and rested our foreheads together for a moment.

"It's crazy right we've known each other what, a few months?" She joked a bit before taking a pause.

"It makes everything more complicated now doesn't it?" Emily asked her eyes quickly losing all their light again.

I shook my head slowly.

"It should make them simpler actually… You know I do too…" I replied.

"I know… God I wish I had met you sooner" she said her voice breaking over every word.

"Yeah… Me too" I shot back never thinking it more.

Emily kissed me again before walking away.

"You do know you could stay, right?" I asked to her retreating back. "You do know I'd be there for you if you just stayed"

The petite stopped walking for a moment and shot me one last look above her shoulders. My breath caught in my throat by the amount of love I found in her eyes.

"I know" she said before turning back and leaving the flat.

I stood immobile in just my knickers and shirt in my room for a while. I didn't really know what to do now. We hadn't said much, but we had said everything at the same time. Emily loved me just as much as I loved her, but she wasn't leaving Jim. My heart broke a little over that fact. A saner person might have walked away then because Katie's prediction of me getting my heart ripped out was slowly looking more and more probable, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't walk away even as I contemplated the destruction of both our souls in this messy ordeal. It was stupid and probably a bit masochistic of me, but I was a willing participant. Because enduring pain was better than not having Emily at all.

After a moment, I walked to my bedside table and grabbed my phone. Two seconds later, I had punched Katie's number in.

"_What do you want?"_ she answered after a few rings in her ever so charming manner.

"It's Jim" I replied simply.

"_What?" _

"It's Jim. Emily told me. She says it's accidental"

"_Fuck… she said it was him? She actually said it?"_

"Yes"

"_I can't believe this"_ Katie growled before launching in a very graphic and colourful series of insults to describe Emily's husband.

"Katie!" I said loudly after a moment to cut her off.

"_What?"_ she replied annoyed.

"I'm really fucking worried about her, like actually terrified. This is going to blow up soon and when it does, Emily will be the one to take the blow. We can't let that happen" I said seriously.

"_I know"_ Katie replied just as seriously.

"I'm fucking lost here, I don't know what to do. I offered Emily to stay at mine…"

"_Did she accept?"_ Katie asked although I could tell she already knew the answer.

"No" I said my voice thick.

The redhead didn't reply anything for a moment.

"_Maybe I could ask her to come to mine?"_ she ended up saying after a while.

"Do you think she'd accept?" I asked.

"_No"_ Katie replied in all honesty. _"But what else can we do?"_

"I don't know… I guess for now we just keep on the lookout yeah?"

"_Yeah…" _

"Listen Katie… I wasn't supposed to meet Emily today, I ran into her at Tesco's… I… we needed to talk so I dragged her with me but I… I'm worried it'll have bad consequences"

"_Like what?"_

"Like Jim getting on her arse about where she was"

"_Right… fuck shit… He probably will"_

"Katie… We can't let him touch her anymore what if… what if he hurts her worse?" I said in a ridiculously shaking voice.

I heard the petite gulp audibly on the other end of the line. I think we were both a bit too conscious of how badly this could turn, but both way too scared to actually voice what our worst fear was.

"_Did she just leave yours?"_

"Yeah, well like 5 minutes ago"

"_Ok, I'll check on her a bit later yeah? I won't let anything happen to her Naomi, okay?"_ Katie said trying to reassure me.

"I know" I replied because I did.

If there was one person on this earth who was as fiercely protective of Emily as I was, it was Katie. We hung up shortly after that and I tried to get myself busy. It didn't really work though. I was desperate to hear news of Emily. I could feel it in my veins that it wouldn't be okay, that today things had changed, that we had turned a new page and it wasn't for the best.

.

.

I spent the next few hours with no news of either Katie or Emily. I wasn't sure it was a good sign at all. Katie's silence was what scared me the most to be honest. Surely if everything had been fine she would have told me? I tried not to pace so much, but didn't do a very good job of it.

It was well into the evening when I finally got a call from Katie. I launched at my phone like a crazed person.

"Hello?" I said quickly.

"_Naomi…"_ Came the redhead's voice on the other line.

I felt my blood turn to ice at the sound of it. Something was wrong, I could already tell because there hadn't been one inch of bitchiness in Katie's voice. No, she had sounded scared and if there was one thing I knew about Katie, it was that she wouldn't do scared in front of me. Not in this reality.

"Katie what's wrong? What happened?" I said urgently.

"_It's bad Naomi…"_

"How bad? For fuck's sake Katie you're scaring me, please, just go on"

"_She wouldn't answer my calls and so I drove over because what you had told me had like properly freaked me out you know? I mean it had been like 2 hours so I knew she had time to get home and all. When I got there… Fuck Naomi…"_

"What? What?" I pressed on.

"_Everything was a mess! It looked like a fucking tornado had hit the place! Everything seemed to be broken!"_

"Oh my god! What about Emily? How is Emily? Please Katie tell me she's okay!" I said my voice squeaking as I felt hot tears spring to my eyes.

"_She's shaken up Naoms…"_ Katie said giving me a nickname for the first time. _"I found her sitting among the mess shaking like a leaf. There's a big mark on her cheek and her wrists are actually fucking purple. I swear to God that arsehole has better fucking hide because if I ever see him again he's dead meat!" _

"Fuck!" I exclaimed.

"_Yeah! Anyway I brought Ems home with me. She's never going back there" Katie said and I knew from her tone this was final. "I don't care what mom says about it, Emily is never setting foot in that house ever again. I'll fucking impersonate her to sign the divorce papers if I have to, but she's through with that arsehole" _

If the situation hadn't been so bad, I might have smiled at the fact that Katie was well and truly on my side now.

"I'm coming over" I announced.

"_I'm not sure it's a good idea Naomi… She's barely talking… keeps staring into space… She hasn't told me what happened yet, I don't think she can... Maybe you should give her some space?"_

"No!" I replied firmly. "I don't care if she won't talk to me, I'm coming over. I'm not leaving her like that on her own"

"_She's not on her own Bitch! She's got me!"_ Katie thundered.

"You know what I mean!" I said rolling my eyes in frustration. "Anyway, this isn't a discussion, I'm telling you, I'm coming over"

Katie hesitated for a second before sighing.

"_Okay, make this quick muff muncher. Maybe you being there will help"_ she conceded.

"See you in a minute" I said before closing my phone.

I didn't take the time to grab anything, but my keys and my purse before leaving my apartment. Only a few minutes later, I was stopping in front of Katie's big house. I was barely out of the car when Katie came running down her front steps to meet me.

"Naomi!"

"What's wrong?" I asked feeling my heart squeeze.

Katie was looking completely frantic and that more than anything was scaring the hell out of me.

"She's gone!" Katie yelped.

"What! What do you mean she's gone?" I replied.

"I mean she's gone, Emily's gone! I left her on her own for two minutes to call you and when I came back she wasn't there! I've searched the whole house and couldn't find her and when I checked the garage I saw that one of Darren's car was missing!" Katie explained in a frenzy.

"Fuck!"

"I don't know where she went! I tried calling her mobile but she left it in my house! Naomi… You don't think she went back home do you?"

I don't think I had ever seen Katie so agitated in my entire life. She was shaking from head to toe, her hair was tied messily and her eyes were big and watery, like she was on the verge of crying.

"What if she's gone back Naomi? What if she gets hurt even worse?" the redhead asked her voice completely breaking and tears finally falling from her eyes.

I stepped forward and drew her in my arms. I knew she was feeling horrible because she didn't even try to push me off but instead clung to me.

"That's not gonna happen Katie okay? We won't let that happen" I said reassuringly.

The petite trembled in my arms a bit longer. I could feel her trying to control her sobs so I continued to mutter reassuring words to her.

"We'll find her yeah? Don't worry, we'll find Emily and she'll be safe"

After a few more seconds, Katie felt good enough to let me go. She rubbed her eyes trying to get rid of the remaining traces of tears. She cleared her throat dramatically before looking at me with a new confidence. I felt relieved that she was back, because quite frankly, I needed her strong now. We both needed to be strong to find Emily.

"You're right Bitch" She said. "Okay so what's the plan now?"

"We find her. One of us should check her place and I think it should be you. If you run into Jim he won't question your presence as much as mine"

"If I run into Jim, I'll be busy ripping off his bollocks" Katie said grumpily.

"Be my guest" I shrug.

Katie snorted.

"You should head back over to yours. Maybe Emily went to you. God I hope she went to you…" the petite said. "And I really never thought I'd be saying that, like… ever!" She added as an afterthought.

I rolled my eyes at her. Bloody typical Katie. We didn't discuss the plan further though and both left after promising to keep each other updated. I drove back home as fast as I could and hoping I wouldn't get stopped by a copper. Now was not the time and I already had had my fair share of copper action in the last reality. The universe probably agreed because I got home fast enough without being stopped.

I jumped out of my car and started walking faster when I saw a shadow close to my front door. Was it Emily? The closer I got though the more I realized that the person standing there was much too tall to be Emily. I must have been a few meters away when the figure turned around and I recognized Jim. I felt my blood rush through my head and anger fill me. I marched heavily towards him. When he noticed that I had seen him, he gave me a flashing smile, all white teeth and twinkling eyes. How could he fucking do that? How could he stand here in front of me as if nothing had happened? Had he no shame at all? Didn't he regret that he was beating Emily? Didn't he realize how sleazy of a man that made him?

"Naomi!" he exclaimed happily when I was within talking distance. "I was hoping you'd be home soon" he greeted amiably.

I glared at him with all the hatred he deserved, feeling my nails dig into the palms of my hands as I clutched them hard to keep myself from just jumping in his face. The blonde frowned a little when he saw that I wasn't looking friendly at all, but continued to behave as if nothing was wrong.

"So I was wondering, have you seen Emily by any chance? I came home early to surprise her and she wasn't there. I figured perhaps she was at yours. You two seem like good mates"

"Fuck off Jim" I snarled.

The man looked taken aback for a second before setting his jaw. This time there was no pleasant look in his eyes, but only an expression of contempt, of disdain. Was he fucking for real? How dare he look at _me_ with disdain?

"Well there certainly is no need for such rudeness Naomi. I'm only inquiring about the whereabouts of my wife. I think I have full right of knowing where she is so if you know something, surely you must tell me"

"I don't have to tell _you_ anything!" I roared.

Jim frowned and took a step towards me, I didn't give him the satisfaction to back away.

"Emily is my wife. I have the _right_ to know where she is. I demand you tell me"

I raised my eyebrow and it was my turn to give him an arrogant once over.

"You'll find that I don't have to answer to any of your _demands_" I said spitefully before walking passed him to my door.

Before I had time to unlock it and disappear though, Jim grabbed my wrist tightly between his powerful fingers and turned me around to face him.

"Where is Emily?" he snarled.

"Get your fucking hands off me" I replied.

"I said where is Emily?"

"And I said _get your fucking hands off me_"

I pushed him hard on the chest, but he didn't let go and instead squeezed harder. I winced from the pain and tried tugging my arm away.

"You're not being very nice Naomi, I'm only looking for my wife" Jim said in an awkwardly soft voice.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I said in disbelief still trying to dislodge my arm. "I'd never tell you shit about Emily, you sick bastard. You're never laying a hand on her again"

Jim clenched his teeth and pushed me on my front door roughly, finally letting go of my wrist.

"I don't like your assumptions Naomi" he said shaking his head.

"Not assumptions, she told me" I said confidently.

"Did she now?" he laughed. "You must have misunderstood I'm afraid. Anyhow, my wife and I's affairs don't concern you"

"Maybe, but the police will be mighty interested don't you think?"

The man looked me up and down as if appraising my words. I stared him down as hard as I could.

"Call the police if you want. They won't find anything, there's nothing to find" he said.

"You left bruises all over her you fucking prick! There's more than enough evidence!" I spat.

"And how would _you_ know that?" Jim said in a gloomy voice, his eyes flashing with anger for the first time.

I felt my heart beat faster in fear. I was afraid I had said too much, because if Jim hadn't suspected anything before, he sure seemed to be looking at me differently now. As much as I wanted to hold my ground, Jim was taller and much stronger than I. Still, I clenched my fists and twisted a little sideways.

"How close exactly are you to my wife Naomi?" He asked taking a step closer to me, his eyes still flashing.

If it hadn't been for his eyes, he would have looked completely calm. His body was barely moving now that he had stepped closer and he was breathing slowly. To be honest, he was scary as fuck. He looked like a proper psychopath and nothing like the joyful man I had met at Katie's fundraiser. And I knew he could hurt me, hurt me really badly. He had been hurting Emily for a while now hadn't he? Nothing was stopping him from giving me the same treatment if I pushed things too far.

"We're best friends" I lied. "She showed me everything and Katie as well. You're screwed. When we go to the police and tell them what you've done-"

"That won't happen" he said smiling now.

"Oh but it will!" I said as threateningly as possible.

"It won't. Emily will never talk to the police and certainly not against me. I'm the best thing she's got, why would she?"

"You're delusional!" I said frowning.

"No Naomi, you are. If you think my wife will turn on me, you'll be sorely disappointed"

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Don't I? Are you going to tell me you actually know where she is? Because I can read it in your eyes Naomi, you have no clue of my wife's whereabouts. I was silly to insist, clearly you're even more meaningless then I thought" he said with a sneer.

My blood was pulsing in my ears, my anger building.

"I do know where she is, but I'm not telling you" I lied again.

"Do you now? And obviously she's at the station giving her statement isn't she?" Jim teased.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from shouting. The blonde laughed before shaking his head.

"That's what I thought" he muttered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a wife to bring back home"

He went to step away, but seemed to think better of it. He turned to me again and stepped towards me instead. I stepped back and felt my front door connect with my back. Jim stepped even closer so that I was stuck between his body and the door, but without having his chest actually pressing against me. He took hold of my shoulder with his right hand and drew his head closer to whisper in my ear.

"Just a warning before I go… If I find out that you touched _my _wife in a way that is reserved just for me… Don't think I won't find a way to make you pay. I will not have my marriage reduced to comedy by the likes of someone like you"

He squeezed my shoulder painfully as if to put even more emphasis on his threat before letting go and walking away. I looked at him go and realized I was shaking a bit. As strong a person as I am, he was one scary man. I think what upset me the most was how he seemed to hold no guilt at all for anything he had done. My shoulder was pulsating in the place where he had squeezed it and my heart was still beating fast.

I took my keys out and finally walked inside my flat. I had given Emily a spare a while ago so I was still hoping she'd be there. After a quick tour of the place though, I knew she wasn't. I took my mobile out and dialled Katie.

"She's not here" I said the minute the redhead answered.

"_Shit… well at least she wasn't at Jim's either and neither was he"_

"No, the bastard was here. He's fucking demented"

"_What! What happened?"_

"Not a lot, he wanted me to tell him where Emily was and then I told him I knew what he'd done and he laughed and said Emily would never go to the Police"

"_She fucking will! I will literally drag her!"_ Katie said hotly.

"Yeah I know. Anyway, that doesn't matter at the moment, we _have_ to find Emily before he does"

"_Oh god yes! But where do we look?"_

"I'm not sure…"

"_I don't even know anymore. I checked a place that was special to us as kids and she wasn't there. I mean, if I needed to escape I'd like want to go somewhere I felt happy and shit… I just don't know where that could be for Emily"_

I think it was the word special that gave me the flash; either that or the mention of a happy place for Emily. Regardless, I didn't even know why really, but, all of a sudden, I knew where Emily was; the fucking rooftop! I don't know why it felt so logical to me all out of the blue like that, but it did. I mean we had only been there once in this reality, but it had been a good moment, a moment where we had just been able to be ourselves with each other for the duration of one night and it had been okay. We had felt like we were on top of our own little world, like nothing could reach us, touch us. In all fairness, Manchester and the hotel where we had first kissed and first made love were also quite special to us in a way, but somehow, it's the rooftop that struck me. It was as if it calling me, confirming me that, yes, Emily was going to be there. It was stronger than me, stronger than logic. I just had to go and check, I needed to.

"Katie! I think I know where she could be!" I exclaimed.

"_What? Where?"_

"It's a place in Bristol, anyway, I'm gonna check it out, what other options have we got?"

"_You're right…"_ Katie relented. _"You go now, but what do I do?"_

"Go to the station. Report Darren's car as stolen. This way, if she crosses coppers on the road they'll arrest her. You can drop the charges afterwards, once they've got Emily"

"_Good idea! Okay well, keep me posted yeah?"_

"Sure, you too"

"_Okay"_

And with that we hung up. I doubled back to the door and the next minute, I was jumping in my car and driving towards Bristol. The thoughts were already churning in my head in an endless circle. Was my guts right? Would Emily even be there? If she wasn't where could she be? If she was, how would she be like? Why had she fled? Why hadn't she come to me? What had happened with Jim?

I wasn't even sure if she'd be in Bristol yet. She hadn't disappeared that long ago and the drive to Bristol was still sort of a long one. I was myself driving way over the limit and my grip on the steering wheel was as tight as ever. My heart was beating at a ridiculously fast pace and I could feel my stomach squeeze on itself. I hated that I was basically driving to the unknown, that I had no idea what would happen once I got there. And I was so worried for Emily that I could barely pay attention to the road. When I had seen her earlier she had looked so lost, so ready to crumbled. I was afraid that she had. I was afraid that she had absorbed one hit too many and was now completely shattered. If that was the case, I was ready to glue her back together. I'd hold her for days if it was what she needed, but I wouldn't let her down.

When I had cheated on her in my reality and she had crumbled, I had let her build herself back together for a long time before coming out with my feelings. I wouldn't do that now, I wouldn't stand by and watch as she struggled on. I have to admit though that I was worried it would be too much, that she'd be hurt beyond what I could help. Even if it was the case though, I'd try.

I made it to Bristol in an hour. The second I had entered the city's limits, my heart started hammering in my ribcage even harder and rain started falling from the sky. I gripped the wheel even more tightly to prevent myself from shaking. I drove purposefully to the club as fast as I could with the rain falling harder each passing second. When I reared the final corner, I saw a bright red convertible parked in front of it. My heart picked up even faster as a wave of both relief and fright hit me full force. I didn't know for sure if that was Darren's car, but it most likely was. I parked next to it and quickly made my way to the entrance. The door was still locked, but as I pulled on it I noticed it hadn't been chained properly for it left a gap large enough for a small person to crawl inside.

I squeezed myself trough the gap and entered the club. Just like that time when I had followed Emily, before everything had fallen apart, the place was eerily quiet and dark. I looked right and left to see if Emily was anywhere in sight but she wasn't. I walked faster towards the staircase. I was still shaking terribly, but I didn't want to panic before I could find Emily. And even after, if I could help it I would, I didn't want to let myself panic. It wouldn't help me anyway. I climbed the steps two by two, making myself a bit breathless by the time I reached the top. I reached a hand for the handle and pulled it hastily.

The rain had increased even more in the time it took me to reach the rooftop, it seemed. Or perhaps it was the height of the building that made it seem even harder, harsher than it had been. It pummelled on the rough cement ground and on the metal surfaces making it sound even more imposing then it was. I frowned a little to try and keep most of the water out of my eyes, my t-shirt already clinging uncomfortably to my skin, and made a few tentative steps on the rooftop. I froze when I caught sight of someone in front of me.

I felt my heart catch in my throat as I recognized the small form of Emily standing on the outmost ledge of the building, just like she had done that one time all those years ago in my reality. But this time, she was soaked to the bones, wearing dark jeans, a loose navy jumper and old rundown grey Keds and holding a gun in her right hand. I started shaking so violently that I'm not sure how I didn't fall on the ground. Her back was facing me and I could tell she hadn't seen me yet. I walked closer to her.

"Emily!" I yelled over the rain.

The petite turned around so fast that she nearly lost her footing. I gasped and shot forward to help her, but she soon found her balance.

"Don't!" She yelled. "Don't come closer please"

"Emily what are you doing?" I asked still walking, but stopping about 8 feet away from her.

She looked at me with a broken stare and her bottom lip started quivering. She gripped the gun tighter and shrugged.

"This is… it's just… I can't do it… It's too much" She said heavily.

"What do you mean it's too much?" I yelled in panic.

I had never been so scared in my entire life. Even when the petite had stood at that very spot in my reality, I hadn't been that scared. Then I had been scared, yes, but Emily hadn't looked quite as destroyed as she did now, and not quite as serious either.

"I just can't…" She said softly, nearly too softly for me to hear her.

I started shivering because the rain was cold, but also because the gravity of the situation was getting to me. How had we gotten here? How was this possible?

"So what? What is this? Emily… you can't… Why do you have a gun?" I said.

"Why do you think? Please… Just go. I don't… you can't be here. You can't see this" she said, her body shaking with cold as well, but also with sobs.

I felt like choking. No, this could not be happening, this couldn't be true. I was _not_ on that freaking rooftop with Emily and she did _not_ have a gun in her hands and the look of someone who was about to use it. This couldn't be true. I felt tears come to my eyes and I couldn't have stopped them even if I wanted to. This was too horrible, this situation was beyond me.

"Oh God Emily _please_" I started my own voice choking up on my sobs. "Please come down, don't do this"

"I have no choice!" she yelled back.

She was yelling, but there was no anger in her voice, only raw despair, pure desperation.

"Of course you do!" I replied taking a step closer.

"No! I don't! I'm stuck! I'm stuck and nothing is alright!"

"We can make it better but please Emily, don't do this!"

"You don't understand! It can't! Things _won't_ get better"

"Yes they will! You don't have to do this! Please Ems, don't do this, I can't let you do this!"

"Just leave" she asked me, pleading, her eyes full of sorrow.

"I can't do that! I can't let you go!" I choked. "Emily I love you!"

The petite started shaking even more violently, heavy sobs coming out of her. I could hear her wailing in the rain like a wounded animal. I tried to come closer, but she raised her empty hand and yelled at me not to.

"Please… Just go" She repeated.

I shook my head frantically.

"No! I can't! I can't let you do that! I love you so much! You can't do this!"

"I love you too" She replied this time, still crying.

"Then don't do this! _Please_. Come back to me"

"I wish I could, I just, I just can't" She hiccoughed.

"Why not? I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not letting you go, don't you know that? Don't you know I'd never let you go? Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I asked desperately.

She nodded and shrugged at the same time.

"Naomi…" She whispered my name for the first time.

She winced instantly and it seemed like it was hurting her to pronounce it. She carried on nevertheless.

"You're everything I've ever wanted" she choked. "But it can't work, things are too fucked up"

"Why? Why can't we make it work? We can make it work"

"No, we can't. I… I'm married and Jim… Jim would never let me go Naomi, do you understand that, he won't ever let me leave" She said so helplessly.

"Fuck him! You don't ever have to go back to him! Emily, Katie knows! Katie saw us, she knows about us and she knows about Jim. She'll help us"

"What? Katie?" Emily said looking surprised.

I grasped her surprise like it was a beacon, like it was the way that would bring me Emily back.

"Yes! She's on our side, she's going to help you deal with Jim and your mom and everyone!"

Emily's eyes seemed to darken at the mention of her mother. I cursed myself for bringing it up.

"Even if Katie is on our side, my mom would never understand. Especially not now. I'm sorry Nai, it's too late"

"But why?" I asked not understanding.

Why was it too late? Why was it any different than a few days ago? What had happened with Jim tonight? Emily started shaking again and shook her head.

"Emily what happened? What happened that makes it too late?"

The petite looked at me and shook her head again. Her bottom lip was quivering more than ever.

"You can tell me! Babes, you can tell me anything! Please tell me!" I said.

"I… he… I just…" she tried but started crying harder again. "I can't"

"What did he do to you? Emily I need to know" I asked a bit panicked now.

I didn't know what was hurting her so much but I had a feeling I needed to know to understand.

"He… he… I told you, he wanted to… He didn't understand why I couldn't… let him touch me like _that _anymore and… He got mad, really mad. And he asked me if there was someone else. I cried, I didn't tell him, I was so afraid, so afraid he'd hurt you" She said.

She inhaled a few times deeply before continuing. My blood was already frozen in my veins. I wasn't sure I was ready to know what he had done to her, but I needed to.

"He got really mad then and started yelling. He said… he said I was a whore, he said I was his. He said… he said he'd, he'd make me his forever"

Emily was crying so hard now that it was difficult to make out the words. I could feel my heart hammering in my head as I slowly started understanding the direction Emily was going in.

"He was so livid. He started breaking everything, throwing me stuff. Then he… he grabbed me and…"

The petite broke down then, crumbled to her knees, still cradling the gun. She dried heaved a few times before coughing loudly. I felt my eyes widen. Had Jim… oh God… had he… raped her? .God.

"I can't deal with this Naoms… I just can't live with myself" Emily said getting up again shaking as ever. "I feel so tainted, I feel so broken…"

"That's not true Ems! You didn't do anything wrong! He's a sick bastard and he's going to go to jail for it!" I said more sure than ever.

The brunette shook her head again.

"No… he can't… Naomi… I… I can _feel _it. I know it makes no sense but I… I'm sure… I'm going to be pregnant Nai…" She said her eyes pleading me to believe her statement even if we both knew she had no way of knowing for sure.

I didn't even know what to say to that. What was there to say? How do you find the words to say in such a situation? I looked at her with all the love I could, but also all the powerlessness. I would have gladly taken all her burden on my shoulders if that had been possible.

"I'm tied to him now, do you understand that? I can't walk away anymore…"

"You still could. No Judge in their right mind would give him any rights to your kid Ems"

I saw a flash of gratefulness in Emily's eyes at my words. I knew she appreciated that I hadn't tried to convince her that she might not get pregnant. I hadn't seen the usefulness of it anyway. If Emily was convinced, nothing would change her mind. As delusional as it sounded, if she was sure, if she could feel it, she was probably right.

"My mom would never forgive me. She'd never forgive me for breaking my marriage no matter the reason, for breaking a family; never forgive me for loving you… No matter what Katie would say. I'd be dead in her eyes, I'd be all alone. I can't lose her. I've already lost my dad, I can't lose her too" Emily sobbed.

"I'm sure that's not true" I defended. "And you wouldn't be alone! You've got Katie and you've got me! Ems I would be there for you and the baby, I wouldn't leave you ever. I love you, please, just come back with me"

The brunette still shook her head.

"I can't. I can't be tied to him Nai… If you knew how much I wish I had never met him and met you instead. If you knew how much I wish I could start it all over and just be with you. I can't stand being with Jim, not now that I know how happy I can be with you. But I can't leave him. I just don't know how, especially not now that I'll be carrying his baby. If it had all happened when I was younger… I was stronger than… Maybe… I don't know… My mom… I can't do this, I'm just not strong enough. I can't deal with any of this. It's over. Please Naoms. I love you, I don't want you to see this. Go"

It was my time to shake my head violently.

"No! Please!" I yelled, but Emily turned around to face the emptiness.

"Emily _please_!" I yelled, but she only gripped the gun harder in her hand.

"Emily, please talk to me!" I felt compelled to try again. "I'm so sorry Ems!" I could hear my own voice breaking.

I wasn't even sure why I was apologizing. For loving her? For making her life complicated? For not being in it early enough? All I knew was that this could not be happening, she could not be about to do that.

I made a few steps towards her but stopped when she turned around again. Her eyes were completely empty this time. There was nothing left, no joy, no love, no sorrow even and definitely no hope. She moved the gun upwards then, slowly inching it closer to her beautiful face. I shook my head frantically, repeating "no" over and over inside my head. This could not be happening, I couldn't let this happen.

I was about two feet away from her now, close enough to reach her if I tried. When the gun was next to her temple, she fixed her empty eyes on me.

"Emily don't do this. I can't live in a world where you don't exist" I said.

The petite didn't move anymore, didn't tear her gaze away from mine.

"I'm sorry" She whispered. "I'll always love you"

What happened next happened so fast that I'm not sure how exactly it happened. What I do know is that her tone sounded so final that my body lurched itself forward. I grabbed the gun in a hopeless attempt to save her and heard a shot ring into the night. We both fell heavily to the ground then, me on my back and Emily slightly on top of me. At least we hadn't fallen off the rooftop.

"Ems!" I said frantically to make sure she was alright.

"Oh my god Naomi! _NO_!" She yelled as she pushed herself up and looked at me.

I frowned a little but followed Emily's eyes and froze when I saw that I was covered in blood. And that's when the pain registered. I winced and cried out and brought a hand to my stomach. Jesus! The pain was so intense I could barely feel anything else. I was breathing fast and each sip of air felt like it was rushing to my head. The blood was spreading itself everywhere looking thin and pale as it mixed with the rain. Emily cradled me in her lap bringing a hand to my cheek and the other to my stomach to put some pressure on my wound. I cried out when she did. I could barely see anything anymore, everything was fading fast.

"Ems…" I muttered trying to find her eyes in all this darkness.

"Oh God Naomi… Please don't leave me, please" She cried.

I could feel her body shaking as great sobs wracked it completely.

"Naomi I'm sorry. Just don't go, I'm sorry" She hiccoughed.

"S'okay" I said in a whisper.

I wasn't even sure if she had heard me. Truth is I wasn't even sure if I had made any sound. Everything was becoming harder by the second and I knew I was fighting a losing battle to stay conscious. I still smiled a little though because as fucked up as it was, I was glad I had saved Emily from that bullet. And it really didn't matter if it turned out I was about to die for her.

"No no, stay with me" I think I heard.

Everything was so foggy, so distant now.

"I love you, please be okay, I love you so much"

I smiled again. God those words sounded nice. I wanted to speak, to say them too, but I couldn't. My pain was numbing now, becoming less intense, allowing me to find some peace of mind. But the images around me were still just as blurry and I couldn't even hear anything but noise. I really wish I could have told Emily I loved her one last time though. I felt my eyelids close and then everything was black. I didn't open them after that and I didn't know anymore.

.

.

.

And then I did.

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**That ending of chapter makes me giggle. And I really think it shouldn't. I feel like I can already hear voices of anger over ending it there! Especially Ems! You guys have no idea how much sh*t she'll give me for making this the ending of the chapter! Anywayyyy speaking of Ems! We've started writing the first chapter of the collab! :D Yay! **

**A few infos for you!**

**We will be writing it under the name of Miss Kemz (a new account that hasn't been created yet).**

**I'll keep posting news with Manifolds until it ends and once it does, we will be creating a "story" that will have for sole purpose to keep you posted on the development of the collaborative story!**

**Anyway that's all exciting and stuff :D Can't wait to show you guys what we've cooked up for you :) **

**On another note, thanks for reading again! I'd appreciate reviews to know what you thought of this chapter! I'm always curious about what you liked best and all! Anxious about tackling the last two chapters of this story next? Thanks a million in advance! Lots of love!  
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**MM**


	31. Chapter 31

**Well this is me again! Sorry for the delay! I realized I left it at a quite agonizing cliff hanger last time and I'm sorry! At least it's a massive chapter!**

**I really ought to thank you guys for being so bloody amazing! I never in my life would have expected to get so much love from you guys! I can't believe the enthusiasm you've shown this story! And I can only hope this doesn't disappoint!**

**There's a bit of an homage to the brilliant writers of this fandom in there. It's not subtle, so you should be well able to spot it. I wish I could have jammed more than I did, but I don't think it would have worked! **

**Anyway, you all just probably want to read this by now : ) So, go on! **

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Manifolds

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Chp. 31

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Everything was white. After everything being black for an undetermined amount of time, it was peculiar. Had it always been this white or were my eyes just open now? I didn't know; there was no way to know. Time didn't seem to count here in all this whiteness. Was there even such a thing as time here? And what _was _"here"? I felt like I was nowhere, but everywhere at the same time, in a mass of nothingness. Funny how I had always imagined nothingness to be black, not white. It took me a moment to gather my head around everything that had happened to me. Maybe it was a long moment, maybe it wasn't. It's hard to tell when time is inexistent.

I tried to look at myself but found nothing, yet I could feel I was there. Speaking of feeling, I was surprised to note I was alright. There was a dull heaviness in the region of where my stomach should have been, but it wasn't painful, wasn't even anything really, it was just there. I felt content, but not overtly happy either. I didn't feel like I needed nor wanted anything. Was this how it was to die then? Was this what it was? Was I dead?

I felt a little bubble of something come up my throat at the though. Was I ready to be dead? Because if I was, this was it I guess. I was just done. Was I satisfied with that? If I was, it meant that I'd never see Emily again. I'd never talk to her again, I'd never see her smile again. Then it felt like the bubble had popped and I was invaded by a feeling of anxiety, I was no longer comfortable and content. Did she know how much I truly loved her? Was I ready to die without her knowing?

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A flash of brighter light or maybe it was darker or maybe yet again it was just different. Anyhow, there was a flash of light and all of a sudden there were images, blurry images, but images nonetheless. That and I had a body again. Well, a body would have been stretching it I think. I stretched out my fingers in front of me, testing them out. They felt weird, I felt weird. I saw a black mass in front of me and though I couldn't tell exactly what it was for it was still blurry, it looked like a lamppost. I drew my hand forward and tried to make contact with the metal, but nothing happened. My fingers reached it, but that was it. There was no contact, no feelings. Then the images got clearer and as I repeated the motion I realized that my hand was just going through the mass, like I was some sort of ghost.

The images kept getting clearer still and to my surprise, sounds started adding each other to the scene. The first thing I heard was sirens. I turned around and followed the sound. I was slowly starting to recognize where I was as buildings came into shape. I heard the sound of rain and thunder and looked up. I was surprised to see it was pouring. I looked at myself and noticed for the first time that I was dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I wasn't wet though and I couldn't feel the rain. I lifted my arm up and noticed that the rain wasn't even stopping on me, but going right through leaving me completely dry. Well that was weird.

I might have still been staring at my arm when I heard voices. I looked up and frowned, everything was nearly perfect now and I could see people in the distance as well as an ambulance. For the first time, I noticed it was night. I walked to the people and finally everything became clear. I was a few meters away from the Fishpond tavern. My eyes widened and I started running. It was weird though because I couldn't feel my heart beating. When I reached the people I realized with a shock that I was in my own reality at last and the scene playing before me was heart-breaking.

I think I actually spotted myself first, laying on a stretcher an oxygen mask on my pasty face surrounded by two paramedics. I looked as good as dead to be honest. Well, I probably was if I could see myself and all so I guess it figured. Then I saw my friends and walked closer to them. JJ was blinking rapidly, rocking slightly on his heels as Lara squeezed his hand hard until both their knuckles were white. Panda had her face buried in Thomas' chest and I could hear her muttering although I couldn't hear her words while Thommo himself looked quite shocked, standing completely still. Cook was standing with his arms around Effy's waist while she was gripping his wrists forcefully. If I could have felt my heart, I'm sure it would have leapt at the sight of a healthy and alive Effy. She didn't look well though. There were trails of tears and mascara down her cheeks and her body looked so tense that it felt like the simplest touch would shatter it. Cook didn't look much better with his eyebrows scrunched together and his teeth clenched. His eyes were glossy and I could tell he was trying not to cry, not that it would have shown that much in the rain.

Finally, I spotted Emily, my beautiful and ridiculously marvellous Emily. Again, if I could have felt my heart, I felt sure it would have leaped in my throat just upon seeing her, _my_ Emily. But just as Effy hadn't looked well, neither did Emily.

She was on her knees a few meters away from where I was, her body shaking with wracking sobs while clinging tightly to Katie. I walked closer and realized with horror that she was calling my name over and over again. I frowned and felt my throat squeeze. Was I able to cry in this state? Because seeing Emily rocking on her knees, clinging to her sister as if her life depended on it and calling my name in the most broken voice I had ever heard was pure torture, but yet, I felt no tears come.

I turned to look at the paramedics who were still working around me. They exchanged a little shake of the head and I knew then for sure that I was dead. They couldn't use the portative defibrillator because of the rain so there wasn't much they could do. I turned back to look at Emily and noticed that Katie's eyes had widened in shock. I guess she had seen the paramedics' gesture as well.

"Katie, please tell me she'll be alright" Emily cried.

Katie didn't say anything so Emily turned to face her.

"Kai?" She said weakly.

I could see tears on Katie's face now as she shook her head at Emily. The redhead looked back at my limp form just in time to see the paramedics take some of their equipment off me.

"What… what are they doing?" Emily said. "Kai why are they stopping?"

She turned her eyes so full of sorrow back on her sister. Katie was shivering, still shaking her head, looking so fucking sorry it tore at my chest. I heard one paramedic make his way to the group. He looked at them all before speaking.

"I'm sorry, is there anyone here who was family with the patient?"

"I… I am. Emily said shakily. "I'm her girlfriend… What do you mean was?"

The man gave an empathic look to the redhead quickly glancing at Katie as if he had to make sure Emily would be supported before continuing.

"I'm so sorry miss… Of course it cannot be announced officially until we get to the hospital, but… I have to tell you that your girlfriend just passed away."

Katie grabbed Emily tighter as she collapsed to the ground, unable to even remain on her knees. She shook her head like a mad woman, tears falling freely from her eyes.

"Oh God no" she wailed. "I can't… I can't"

And then she started crying heavily, her sobs echoing into the night. She sounded like a tortured child and looked so fragile it was unbearable to watch. I looked at the rest of my friends and saw Effy buried in Cook's arms both crying without restraints now. Effy had her fingers digging into Cook's biceps and I felt sure she'd draw blood soon, but he didn't seem to mind. JJ seemed so upset that Lara had to walk him away while Panda was full on shivering and shaking her head as Thomas muttered words in her ear, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes glossy.

I looked back at Emily who was still sobbing loudly like her own soul was being ripped apart, like she was the one that had just died and not me. I imagined for a second how I would feel if the roles were reversed and I could understand the sobs and pain. Katie was doing her best to comfort her, but I could tell she was having a hard time her own voice shaking with hiccoughs. It touched me to see that my friends were so affected by my death, stupidly, I hadn't thought they'd be so sad. It touched me but also hurt me. I was feeling so much anguish to see them all hurting like that and yet there was nothing I could do. I wanted to be the one holding Emily, I wanted to smile at them, joke around, tell them not to be so upset. But of course, this was the very point of being dead, I couldn't do those things because I was gone.

I walked towards the twins slowly. I could feel myself frowning. I wish I could have cried along with them because it would certainly have felt better than this pressure in my chest that wouldn't dissolve. I stopped in front of Emily and kneeled. As if she could sense me, the redhead turned her head, her sobs subsiding a little. She looked right at me, her eyes desperately searching for something. I looked into her eyes, stared as hard as I could. I really hope she could feel me, feel that I wasn't very far and that I was loving her still.

"I love you Emily Fitch" I said to her.

She blinked as if she had heard me, but then her eyes lost focus, it seemed, and I saw her look at my dead body in the distance. Her sobs were back full force then. I reached a hand out even though I knew I couldn't touch her and when my fingers would have connected with her cheek there was another flash of light and I felt my heart beat once.

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This time, when I could see again, the images weren't as blurry as they had been before and the sounds were immediate. A short few seconds later, I heard shouting and turned around. I realized with a jolt that I was in the first alternate reality I had travelled to at Emily's wedding. I saw James drag me out of the room and just stared in shock. It was weird to see this scene while I barely had been conscious of it at the time it had actually happened. And I guess seeing myself alive was weirder than seeing myself dead for some reason.

The second the door had been closed behind James and I, Emily collapsed on the floor crying, her head between her hands. I winced at the sight and walked closer. I wondered for a second if this was going to be my existence now, because if it was, I'd rather die. Watching Emily hurt like this was not something I could endure very long. I still craved to hold her and reassure her, but I couldn't do it, not while I was only a ghost of myself.

I watched her cry for maybe a minute or two before James opened the door again and came marching fast towards his sister. He kneeled next to her and hugged her without hesitation. Emily flung her arms around her brother's neck and continued crying. The boy kissed her temple and rubbed her back and I was actually surprised to see how comfortable he seemed to be with the situation. I guess growing up with two big sisters had made James much more comfortable with tears and feelings than most lads.

"S'okay Emsy, don't cry" he said.

"It's so not okay James…" She said through her sobs.

"It's gonna be. Naomi left." He lied. "It's what you wanted, innit?"

"It… I … Jesus" Emily replied before sobbing even more.

James hugged her tighter and cooed her a little. His eyes were filling with tears too now. Well this was certainly a side of James I had never seen before. Emily let go of her brother a little and saw a tear on his cheek. She rubbed it away with her thumb before punching the boy lightly on the shoulder.

"You're not supposed to cry, worm!" she said in her delightfully husky voice.

"Neither are you" James observed.

"Yeah…" Emily replied, looking a bit gloomy again.

They stayed seated like that for a few seconds. James had let go of Emily but they were still rather close. His eyes were back to normal though and his eyebrows were furrowed. He was also biting his bottom lip so I could tell he was dying to ask something. He sighed loudly before looking at the ceiling. Emily turned to face the boy and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"What?"

"I just… Nan, forget it Ems…"

"James, what?" Emily repeated with a pointed look.

"You're gonna get mad at me" the boy pleaded.

"I'm very often mad at you anyway"

"Good point… well then… Did you… Did you mean it? What you said to her?" James asked looking his sister dead in the eyes.

Emily stared in shock for a second before turning her head away.

"Said what to whom?" she tried to deflect.

"To Naomi. Did you mean it when you said you didn't love her?"

The redhead didn't reply anything, but started playing with something on her dress. I could tell she was uncomfortable and trying to hold some tears, but if James noticed, that still didn't stop him from continuing.

"Because it seemed to me like you were lying and well, I know it's none of my business Ems, but she sure looked like she still loved you too. I know you guys are like, complicated and stuff, but isn't it a bit unfair to both Naomi and Callie if you're marrying Callie, but love Naomi?"

"I love Callie" Emily said right away.

"Yeah? What about Naomi then?"

Emily was silent for a while, still fidgeting with her dress. James reached out a hand to stop her and intertwined his fingers with his sister's. He tugged on her hand a little bit until she was looking at him again. He gave her a lopsided smile.

"It's okay Emsy. It's me, not Katie. You can tell me stuff without it being a big deal" James said shrugging.

The redhead smiled and her eyes became all glossy again.

"I… It's just so complicated" she whispered.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I just want you to get it off your chest"

Emily nodded before closing her eyes. As she did, two lone tears fell on her cheeks. She opened her eyes again and looked at her brother.

"I… I _do_ still love her. You're right, I lied to her. I thought I was over her, I didn't think I could ever love her again, but then… And I just can't… I'm with Callie and I'm marrying her and that is that" the petite said stubbornly.

James nodded slowly, never letting his sister's hand go.

"Like I said, you don't need to explain yourself to me… If marrying Callie is what you think you should do then…" he finished with a shrug again.

James got up after that and tugged Emily with him. He placed a careful kiss on her knuckles before letting go of her hand. He seemed to hesitate then before stepping forward and trapping Emily in his arms.

"You do know though that even if you made an outrageous decision, I'd back you up?" he said still hugging her.

"What the fuck are you on about James?" Emily replied irritably.

"Nothing of course"

He placed a kiss on her temple before letting her go.

"Oh and I don't blame ya for still loving Naoms. With legs like that, how could you not right?"

"Fuck off perve!" Emily exclaimed smirking now. "And… hands off her alright?" she added sheepishly as an afterthought.

James laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

"Oh please Emsy, I think you and I both know I've got as much chance of nailing that girl as I've got to be the Queen of England. She's always only had eyes for one Fitch and it's not me."

Emily smiled her beautiful bashful smile and, although I felt a bit naked after having James reveal me so clearly like that, I couldn't help but approve. It had always only been Emily for me and just Emily.

"Well I don't know about the Queen thing, James. You do pull on those dresses marvellously" Emily teased.

"I know right?" He said jovially. "It's what I keep telling mom, but she just doesn't agree"

Emily laughed this time and James left the room after giving her an ear splitting grin. When the redhead was alone again, she sighted loudly before walking to the window. I followed closely and stood just behind her to look at what she was looking. Turns out she had the same view I had had when I had stood in that other room and it was just the garden with everyone getting ready for the wedding. I saw Emily look at her parents all smiling and chatting with Callie's parents. Then I saw James join the people again and look up at us to wink. Then Callie herself made her way to her father. Emily smiled to herself when she spotted her. Her smile was beautiful, full of love, but yet a bit sad. She lifted a finger and placed it on the window. She moved it as if she was tracing Callie. When the brunette disappeared from view, Emily sighed loudly. She closed her eyes for a second and then opened them again.

"I'm sorry Naoms…" she whispered to no one in particular. "I'm sorry I lied. I love you, but I have to let you go, I have to let go. Do you understand?" she said.

"I do" I said automatically because all of a sudden, all the pain and all the grief I had felt in this reality was gone, evaporated by Emily's heartfelt confession.

I did understand and I couldn't blame her for her actions. I couldn't blame her for choosing Callie over me when all she knew was that I could deceive her and break her heart. She had a life outside of me in this reality, a life that didn't include me in any way, but yet she still loved me. And that was enough for me, just that knowledge that she _did_ love me despite it all. Everything had been fucked, our trust had been broken, we couldn't be together, she couldn't give me her heart anymore, but at least, Emily still loved me.

I smiled and as Emily turned around there was a quick flash of light. This time I knew I hadn't travelled far because it hadn't even taken a second before I was conscious of my surroundings. I was a bit perplexed though since I didn't recognize the place at all. For the first time, since I had… well "woken up" I felt the temperature. I immediately noted that it was warm and humid, a bit suffocating really. I was in a round room that wasn't all that large. There was a big king size bed in the middle and a desk with a chair on the right side of it. A few paces off the bed I could see an open door leading to a small sized bathroom. On the opposite side of that, there was a large glass door leading to a pretty little balcony made of stone. I looked beyond that and noticed a series of palm trees. I stared at it for a second a bit surprised. I didn't know exactly where I was, but one thing was sure, I wasn't in England anymore. Also, this very much looked like a hotel room.

I had barely started to wonder why I was here when a door that was probably the front door opened and in came Emily quickly followed by a giggling Callie. I'm not even sure if it was possible in my ghost state, but it felt to me like my blood had frozen in place at the sight. They were both smiling ridiculously largely and once Emily had dropped her duffel bag on the bed, Callie engulfed her in her arms and kissed her passionately. I couldn't help but cringe. Jesus fucking hell! I was in Mexico wasn't I? On their bloody honeymoon trip! No no no! That was _not_ in any fucking shape or size okay. Why on earth did I have to see that? I mean that was just fucking cruel!

I don't know how long I witnessed them snogging and whispering I love yous, but it felt like an eternity. I was seriously contemplating the idea of trying a poltergeist move when Emily suddenly stopped the make out session, thank Fuck!

"Cal wait" she said between kisses. "My mobile's ringing again"

"Just let it go to voicemail" the brunette complained.

"It's Katie, she's been calling me nonstop since we landed. It's not usual of her" Emily countered.

"But Ems we just got here and it's our honeymoon" Callie tried again.

"I know that" Emily said kissing her, urgh, _wife_ on the lips. "It'll only take a second. If I don't talk to her you know she'll just keep ringing until I answer"

"Yeah… Jesus, your sister is such a persistent one sometimes"

"Because you aren't, detective" Emily teased.

Callie smiled at the redhead one of those sappy bashful smiles before leaning in to kiss her again. I was 2 seconds away from bashing my ghost head into the wall.

"Make it quick okay?" the stupid police said.

"Promise" Emily quipped, jumping off the bed and making her way to the door. "I'll go get some ice while I make the call. I'm sure we'll find _plenty_ of use for ice later" she purred.

I nearly puked when I saw the filthy grin Callie threw her back. I restrained myself though and instead followed Emily out the door. No matter the reason why the universe had kindly brought me on their honeymoon trip, I sure as hell knew it wasn't to stick around Callie. I followed Emily closely as she pulled out her mobile and quickly pressed the fast dial to reach Katie. It didn't take a second for Katie to answer.

"_Emily!"_ she cried out. _"Fina-fucking-lly" I've been trying to reach you for ages!"_

"Well, I'm in Mexico if you've forgotten" Emily replied annoyed. "So hurry up with it, will you? This will cost me a fortune"

I was surprised I could hear Katie so well. Actually, I could hear her as clearly as if I had been the one on the phone with her. I guess that was part of the ghost deal…

"_Emsy…"_ Katie said next, her voice extra soft all of a sudden. _"Listen I'm so sorry okay, but like, there was nothing I could do"_

"What? What is it Katie, what are you talking about?" Emily asked, suddenly sounding worried.

The redhead had stopped walking dead in her tracks, her face pale ghostly pale. I stopped with her and felt a lurch in my stomach. I think I knew what this was about.

"_She just… she came 'round and like I didn't know okay, I didn't know. I swear if I had known I'd have been nicer"_ Katie said her voice shaking now.

"Who came around?" Emily asked.

There was a pause on the other hand of the line and Emily automatically lost patience.

"Fucking hell Katie! Who came around?"

Her voice was shaking badly now and I knew she was terrified of the answer. I looked at her sadly, because I knew the answer and I knew she wouldn't like it.

"_Naomi…"_ Katie finally replied.

Emily leaned on the wall, letting herself slide until she was sitting on the hotel's floor. She pushed a shaking hand to her hair, closed her eyes and let out a heavy breath.

"What happened Kate?" She asked after a moment. "Why did Naomi come to see you?"

"_She didn't come to see me"_ Katie explained. _"She wanted to see you. Listen, it was raining and I… I didn't realize at first, but she was like crying and she kept saying she needed to see you. I thought she just wanted to be a bitch and all…"_

"What happened then?" Emily pressed her sister.

"_Fuck Emsy… she looked so… broken… I should have fucking noticed"_ Katie said her voice barely covering a sob.

Emily's eyes had filled with tears now and she brought her free hand to her chest.

"What happened next Katie? Please…"

"_I told her to fuck off"_ Katie said sniffling loudly. _"I thought she was just being a bitch! I told her to go to Effy and then she became worse… Effy… Effy died of an overdose Ems…"_

"Oh my god" Emily gasped loudly. "Fuck, shit! What happened after?"

"_I… Naomi kept calling for you… but you were already gone, already on the plane. I told her you were gone… What else was I supposed to say? I couldn't like make you appear and I just… I didn't know she was feeling so bad Ems I swear"_

Emily was crying now, tears falling rapidly the length of her cheeks. She clutched the front of her t-shirt before talking again.

"What happened next Kate? What happened to Naomi?"

"_She's… She's dead Emsy…" _Katie replied, her voice shaking terribly now._ "She fucking ran away and I tried to follow her, but I couldn't stop her. She fucking walked in the middle of an intersection like a mong! She got hit… I called the ambulance as quickly as I could, but… but there was nothing they could do… I'm so sorry"_

Emily had closed her eyes the second Katie had finally told her about my fate and tears were streaming endlessly down her cheeks. She bit her lip until she drew blood.

"Please no… please tell me it's not true" she sobbed into the phone.

"_I'm sorry Ems… I'm sorry I couldn't stop it! I feel so fucking guilty"_ Katie admitted.

"It's not your fault" Emily managed to say as she continued to cry.

"_I'm sorry to ruin your honeymoon… I just... I thought you'd want to know… I… I know you still… cared"_ Katie said and in that moment both Emily and I knew what she really meant.

Katie had never been fooled; Katie had always known Emily still loved me. That was probably why she had been so harsh with me to begin with. As much as she didn't agree and would have wanted for her sister to just erase me from her heart, she knew it wasn't possible.

"_I'm so fucking sorry Ems"_ she choked, her own tears distinguishable now.

Emily tried to reply, but she just couldn't utter a word. I sat next to her, placing a hand on her knee, trying to give her as much comfort as I could. Of course my hand was going right through her, she couldn't feel me, but it still seemed to work. Emily calmed down enough to speak.

"Thanks for telling me Kai…" she said in a small voice. "You're right, I did want to know"

Katie muttered words of encouragement but neither I nor Emily really paid attention to them. I was too busy studying the lost expression on my beautiful redhead's face. She hung up after that and continued to stare into space. A few seconds later, her face was contorting itself again and fresh tears were streaming down her cheeks. She hiccoughed and choked a little on her tears and clutched the front of her t-shirt where her heart was with both hands.

"I'm so sorry" She whispered. "Oh my god Nai… I so fucking _sorry_"

I traced the length of her leg with my hand, never really touching her, but at least feeling like I was doing something.

"It's okay" I said softly.

Emily was still crying hard though and, of course, hadn't heard my words.

"I love you…" She muttered to the wall, choking on her words as bad as ever. "God I wish I hadn't lied to you… fuck… I'm so sorry"

"It's okay, I know, I love you too" I replied.

It was weird to have a conversation with Emily while she couldn't hear me. But at least I knew I was there, I knew I was hearing her.

"I had to let you go Nai… I just had to… Fuck… I hope you can understand, I hope you can forgive me. God I wish I could stop loving you so much" she finished in a strangled voice.

I smiled at her even though she couldn't see. I reached a hand to brush off her tears even though it was no use.

"Shush" I cooed softly as my fingers went through her cheek.

Emily stopped moving and frowned a little. I continued smiling.

"I do understand" I said.

"Naoms?" Emily asked looking around herself.

I could tell she couldn't see me, but somehow, I think she could feel me and that made me feel better.

"I forgive you Emily Fitch" I said.

I felt the world dissolve around me once again and my heart beat twice.

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I think it took less time for me to get used to the feeling of existing again this time, because I knew what to expect. I appeared in a light place and squinted my eyes to discern shapes and forms. This time, I had a strong feeling I knew where I'd be and I was ready. So when my eyes got accustomed to the new light and I saw myself sprawl on the concrete rooftop with blood pooling around me and my head in Emily's lap, I barely reacted. Of course it was still quite a sight.

It had stopped raining, but Emily was still drenched. From the colour of my face, I could already tell I was dead. I walked silently to stand next to Emily and observed her for a few seconds. She looked as good as dead too, her eyes empty, her limbs seemingly heavy but unmoving. If I hadn't known she was alive, I might have missed the way her chest moved as she took breaths. She had a hand clutched around mine, but she wasn't looking at me, or rather at my body. Once in a while, she'd blink. The gun was laying a few paces away, completely forgotten.

I sat myself next to her.

"Emily" I said, but she didn't move.

"Emily" I tried again, whiling her to hear me or feel me like the others had.

She didn't move so I just sat with her. I don't even know how long we remained like that. Emily was unwilling to move and I was unwilling to leave her. I stayed silently, waited patiently. She didn't seem to show any signs of fatigue and, I guess since I was a ghost, neither did I. I didn't know what I could do. To be honest I was half surprised that Emily hadn't taken back the gun and pulled a "Romeo and Juliette" scenario. She had been so lost, so empty, so ready to give up that I wasn't sure what was keeping her alive. I guess she was in too much shock to do anything at all.

I bit my lip and tried to talk to her.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say Ems… You're the one that always finds the right words. You're the one that always knows what to do and what to say. It's funny actually how lost I would be without you. D'you know how much you've inspired me Ems? How much shit I learned just by loving you?"

I looked at her, but of course, she hadn't moved an inch.

"You're the most wonderful person I've ever met" I said simply as I shrugged. "You're the only person that I know that wakes up with a smile every morning, even when I'm being a grouchy cow. You're _always _smiling actually. You say that people are more incline to be nice if you meet them with a smile. You also say that it pisses arseholes off that you're always smiling, little minx"

I smiled to myself and chanced a look at her again. Still no movement.

"I can't believe how unhappy you are here Ems… It breaks my heart you know? I mean… I couldn't have ever imagined there was a version of you that could want to kill herself. You're so bloody strong Ems… You don't even realize it…"

I sighed loudly. It was true though. How could she be so unhappy that she'd want to kill herself? How could a force of nature like Emily Fitch be this low in any reality? I should have throttled that dick of a husband of hers when I could.

"I just don't get it Ems… How do you not know how special you are? How can you think for one second you can't do something? You're Emily Fitch, you can do anything" I said out loud.

I looked at her and this time she shivered and let out a sigh. She let go of my hand and tears formed in her eyes. I was actually relieved because this was so much better than apathy.

"I already miss you so much" Emily whispered, her bottom lip quivering.

"I'm never really far babes…" I replied, brushing my hand on her knee.

She shivered again and sniffled. She lowered a hand and carefully caressed my dead body's cheek. She shivered again before carefully moving it out of her laps. She stared at my body for a few seconds before getting up on wobbly legs. She looked around herself and spotted the gun. I felt my ghost body freeze in fear. Fuck no! She walked to it slowly and took it in her hands.

"Emily Fitch!" I yelled loudly. "Don't you _dare_ do that!"

The next second though, she had took out the magazine and thrown the gun as far as she could on the rooftop. She then fell to the ground sobbing.

"Fuck!" she swore. "I can't even do it anymore"

She continued sobbing, but my heart was lighter. I had succeeded, I had saved Emily's life.

"I'm so sorry" Emily said through her sobs.

"Don't be" I replied.

She didn't have to be worried about me, I would be fine. I mean I wasn't even from this reality. I didn't know what was gonna happen to me, I didn't know if I'd stay here or go somewhere else or just, you know, die. But whatever would happen to me, I had saved Emily's life and that really was all I cared about.

Emily continued crying for a while. I didn't know what to do, but didn't have much time to dwell on it as Katie came marching through the rooftop door. She spotted my body, the gun and Emily in one glance and ran to her sister. Emily seemed so surprised to see her that she didn't move. Katie engulfed her in her arms and Emily fell in them effortlessly, crying even harder.

"Oh my god Emsy! What the fuck happened!" she cried out.

She looked pale and glanced fretfully at my body. I knew she was shaken, probably terrified and horrified at the same time, but I also knew she'd be strong for Emily. I smiled to myself. I had always known I could count on Katie Fitch when it came to Emily.

"I… I… I didn't mean to! It was supposed to be me! I was the one who was supposed to die" Emily cried.

"What! You were about to what!" Katie yelled pushing Emily a bit so she could stare at her.

"Katie…"

"What did you try to fucking do Emily!" she roared.

"I wanted to end it okay! And I was about to, but Naomi jumped on me and I don't know what happened but she got hit and I didn't!"

Katie didn't say anything for a few seconds but just looked at her sister before glancing back at me. She was still as pale as ever and I could practically see the gears turning in her head. It wasn't a simple situation by far and I knew it was far beyond what Katie had ever experienced.

"Fuck…" she finally muttered. "Ems… I'm… I'm sorry yeah? It's… it's fucked up… But what were you thinking? How could you want to do something like that?" She finally said.

"I… I just couldn't stand this life Kai… I couldn't take it anymore! Jim he… he… ra… Oh god"

"What did this piece of shit do to you?" Katie roared.

Emily's eyes watered and she started sobbing again.

"What did he do! Except lift a finger against you, which by the way, will fucking land his sorry arse in jail, where he shall be beaten by the other inmates to see how he fucking likes it!" Katie said furiously.

"You… you know about that?" Emily said sniffing. "You really did know… and about Naomi…?"

"Of course I did, I'm not, like, blind am I"

Emily's bottom lip started quivering.

"Listen Emsy, I know I can be a right cow, but I love you and in the end I want you to be happy. If that includes… well… you know, fannies, I guess that's alright"

Emily nodded frantically and started crying after that and Katie took her in her arms again.

"He's never laying a hand on you ever again babes I promise. Actually, he's got an arrest warrant on him as we speak"

"He does?" Emily said weakly.

"Oh yeah! I'm not letting that fucker get away with this"

Emily nodded into her sister's chest, clutching at her top as she continued sobbing. Katie cooed her and comforted her, but I could see her glancing at my body worriedly.

"How did you find me?" Emily asked, her nose still buried deep in her sister's top.

"Naomi said you were in Bristol before she left to find you" Katie started but stopped when her sister let out a choked sound at the mention of my name. "I'm so sorry for Naomi babes…" She said softly kissing the top of the brunette's head.

"I don't know what to do without her Kai…" Emily admitted. "I miss her so much already. I love her"

"I know you do, but I'm here okay? I'm not letting you go like ever"

Emily didn't reply anything, but continued to cry.

"I'm serious yeah?" Katie pushed on the brunette's shoulder to stare her in the eyes. "Emsy, you do know that I love you more than anyone right? You're my twin, but you're also my best friend. I'd be fucking lost without you. You do know that right?"

Emily's eyes were already filled with tears, but they seemed to worsen nonetheless. She half nodded and half shook her head at Katie's comment.

"I love you Emily" She said again as she drew her in her arms once again.

I smiled as both twins started crying.

"I love you too" Emily said.

I smiled even more. Emily took a deep breath and looked at my body over Katie's shoulder. As if she had felt it, Katie pulled back from the hug and looked at me as well. She faced back Emily with a serious look.

"You'll be okay Ems… I promise"

"I just… Feel so empty… I can't believe she's gone. I don't know if I can live without her. I don't think I can do this Kai…"

"Well you better" Katie said sharply. "She fucking gave her life for you babes, you think she'd want you to give up?"

"No… I know… I just feel so… weak…"

Emily was silent for a moment before asking shyly:

"She loved me right? She really loved me?"

Katie gave her a sad smile.

"A blind man could have seen that she did. She was yours Ems"

For the first time since walking on that rooftop, Emily smiled. It was sad and hurt and not really pretty, but it was a smile, a light of hope.

"I like that" she replied softly.

I kneeled next to her and brought my lips close to her ear.

"I'm always only yours Emily Fitch" I muttered with all the love I knew my heart contained.

And with that, light engulfed me again and my heart beat three times.

.

.

.

With a gut wrenching pain to my chest I snapped my eyes open.

"Fuck me" I muttered under my breath as I clutched my heart.

It's a bit ironic that I couldn't feel my heart beat earlier because suddenly I could feel it very well, very well indeed. The fucking thing was throbbing madly, a bit like if it had a thousand needles sticking into it. I closed my eyes again and groaned in pain.

"You alright there?" I heard a familiar voice say and instantly looked up.

My eyes widened.

"What the-!" I exclaimed, my hand still clutching my heart.

No fucking way! Not only one pair of eyes was looking at me, but two. Two pairs of eyes that were icy blue on two tall women who were very blonde and very much me. But this time, they didn't seem younger or older or anything, they were _actually_ very much like "me" me.

I blinked a few times as I observed them. Actually, the more I looked at them, the more I could spot some differences. One of them was much thinner, her skin pale and completely glued to her bones. She was wearing an old pair of ripped jeans and an equally old and ripped grey t-shirt with black combat boots. The clothes hung loosely on her skin, making her look even thinner. Her blonde hair was messy and she had heavy black make up on. Also, there was something sad in her eyes, something missing in a way. They were cold and empty.

The other one was wearing much more refined clothes. She was wearing what looked like a designer pencil skirt with a soft red crisp shirt and pointy black heels. She seemed to be about the same weight I was, but her body looked fitter, like her muscles were a tad more defined. Her skin was tanned and her hair was perfectly coiffed with nice curls. Finally, there was something in her face that made her look fucking haughty.

I looked down at myself and noticed that I wasn't wearing the jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing as a ghost. No, now I was wearing black jeans with a royal blue V-neck t-shirt, a white suit jacket and black trainers.

It didn't take a genius to know what was happening. My heart wasn't throbbing as bad now so I stood up properly and looked at them both.

"Let me guess" I started.

I turned to the frighteningly skinny one.

"You're the drug dealer"

She crossed her arms on her chest and gave me a dirty look. I ignored her and turned to the tanned, posh "me".

"And you're the rude Telly presenter"

"Watch who you're calling rude" she snapped automatically.

I just rolled my eyes at her.

"So I'm guessing you're the poor journalist one then" Posh or Bitch-me then said with a smirk.

"Oi!" I yelped as Drug-dealer-me sniggered. "I'm not poor!"

"If that's what you like to believe" Bitchy said with a disdainful look.

"Wait!" I said, realizing something. "If you two know who I am, it means… have you been shifting realities as well?"

They both looked at me for a second and seemed to realize exactly what I just had.

"That assumption would be correct in my case at least" Bitchy said.

"Yep, been there, done that as well" Druggy contributed.

We were all silent for a moment after that. As experiences go, this was pretty fucking surreal. I mean okay so yeah I had met myself twice at younger ages, but this was different. This time I was meeting different versions of me; the "me" I could have been had things been different. After a while, Druggy decided to speak up to break our silent trance.

"Well, not that meeting you gals wasn't fun and all that, but now that we've met, d'you reckon we could, like, go home?"

Bitchy and I turned around at the same time, our eyebrows raised.

"What? Was that like… too forward or something?" Druggy defended.

When neither of us replied, she continued.

"You guys _do_ want to go home right?"

"Oh nooooo" Bitchy said sarcasm rolling on her tongue. "Of course I don't! I mean why go home where I'm famous and have got a solid _legal_ job waiting when I can dabble around in lives where I'm a felon or a loser. I had such a _tremendous_ time being in your lives I think I might just do that forever."

"D'you fancy telling us what crawled up your ass and died? You really are every bit of the bitch everyone said you were in your reality" Druggy said angrily.

Bitchy didn't like the insult one bit.

"_You_ don't get to speak to me this way!" she yelled getting red in the face. "You're a fucking pathetic excuse of a human being! I can't believe I turned out like that in any type of reality! Fucking drug addict!"

"Yeah? I'm pathetic am I? Well I'd rather be a pathetic drug "addict" than a bitter lonely bitch who is so insufferable _nobody_ likes her!" Druggy replied equally angry.

"That's not even fucking true!"

"Oh _please_, the only person who can stand you is JJ and that's because that boy is a saint, he can't hate anybody! Even your fucking _wife_ is cheating on you!"

Bitchy's face quickly turned from angered to hurt at Druggy's words. She frowned and sniffed loudly, but didn't say anything. And that reaction seemed to take all of the fight away from Druggy. She calmed down at once and had the decency to look ashamed of herself. I think we all knew that Bitchy had known about the cheating and apparently, it was still a sore subject.

"Okay…" I trailed of slowly. "Are you two done yelling at each other now? Because I have to admit it's a bit weird. Technically, we're the same person"

"I'm not the same as _her_" Bitchy said.

"Good fucking relief" Druggy added.

I rolled my eyes at both.

"You two are fucking ridiculous" I said. "You do realize that the reason why you hate each other so much is because you're each other's antipodes right? You're the perfect reflection of that part of yourself you can't admit you have" I explained.

"Well well, we pegged you out too soon. You're definitely not just poor, you're also a wanky smartarse" Druggy said with a smirk.

I scoffed, but smirked as well. Somehow I could tell she was just teasing. If Bitchy and Druggy were antipodes, I was the sweet middle. Therefore I got on both their nerves to a reasonable amount without actually setting them off. Which had to mean I'd have to play mediator. Well fucking great…

"We all love each other, how wonderful, we accept ourselves fully. Now, Drug dealer here did have a point about going home" Bitchy said.

"Don't call me that!" she growled.

"Will you two _please_ cut it out!" I snapped.

If I had to play mediator, the least I could get was their cooperation. They shut up at once.

"I don't suppose either of you have any idea _how_ we go on about getting home?" I asked pointedly.

When they both shrugged, I sighed and brought a hand to rub my eyes while the other rubbed the spot above my heart that was still throbbing a little.

"Okay well… I don't actually know either, but well… the last time I had these stupid subconscious conversations or whatever, we talked, so I guess we can, well, talk." I proposed.

"What subconscious conversations?" Bitchy asked.

"What do you mean "what conversations"? Didn't you two meet like… past versions of yourselves… or rather of ourselves?" I said.

They both looked at me with such dumbstruck looks that they didn't even have to reply for me to know what the answer of that question was going to be.

"Seriously?" I said looking at each in turn. "You didn't meet anyone either?" I asked Druggy.

She shook her head slowly.

"I just went to bed one day and when I woke up the next I was in a different one" She said shrugging.

"Same for me" Bitchy added. "Except I was in the same bed but with… you know… someone else"

"Oh…" I said slowly spacing out.

So if both of them had just… went to bed one night… what did it mean? Was I like… the cause of all this? Where these changes happening just because of me?

"What about you?" Bitchy said. "I surmise by your face that you _didn't_ just go to bed one night…"

"No… I… No" I said slowly trying to grasp any sense of understanding I could.

Of course I don't think there was anything for me to grasp. How was I supposed to make sense of something that was completely beyond understanding, something so crazy that I was sure I would have been sent to the loony bin if I had dared tell someone about it.

"Alright then, since this is obviously your fault, care to enlighten us on what the fuck you did to like… fuck up reality or space continuum or whatever?" Druggy said crossing her arms on her chest and looking at me expectantly.

I gulped and rubbed the back of my neck. Maybe if I discussed it with them we'd be able to figure it out together.

"I hum… got into a fight with Emily?" I offered lamely.

As I let the words escape my mouth, I expected them to either get mad or look at me confused. What I didn't expect was for the both of them to tense at the mention of the one and only Emily Fitch. They both winced slightly and their muscles stiffened.

"Wohh" I said pointing at each of them in turn. "What the fuck was that?"

"Dunno what you're talking about" Bitchy said.

"No me neither" Druggy added quickly.

I frowned.

"Emily Fitch" I said clear and loud.

When they both flinched again, I threw my arms in the air and then it clicked.

"That's it!" I exclaimed. "This has to be about Emily!"

It made total sense all of a sudden. This whole debacle had started because I had distrusted Emily, because I had doubted her and doubted us in the process. Then when I had met my former selves I had in turns told them how I could, or rather should, live without Emily and I had been transported in realities where I was living just that. This had to be the point of this whole crazy ordeal, it _had_ to be about Emily. It was the only thing that made some sort of sense.

"What are you even talking about?" Bitchy said irritably. "That is complete bollocks. Why would it have anything to do with her? As far as I noticed, she's only part of your life."

Druggy nodded along quickly and I just gawked at them. Where they for real? Did they really mean that?

"What do you mean she's just in _my_ life? She's her ex" I said pointing at Druggy. "And I met her like not even a month after being in your life!"

They both tensed even more.

"Yeah? So what? She plays no major role in our lives. You're the one who wanted to marry her" Druggy said.

"No major part of your lives?" I said dumbfounded.

"Yeah, no major part!" They both claimed in unison.

"That's rubbish!" I yelled back.

Because it had to be. I could not believe them for a second. It was completely and irrefutably impossible that there was a version of me on this earth that was not irrevocably in love with Emily Fitch. I could just not believe it. If we were all the same person, just different versions, then I couldn't be wrong about this. No matter how hard they'd try to deny it, I knew it couldn't be true as much as I knew you couldn't live without breathing. If there was one thing I had learned from this craziness it was how much I truly loved Emily and didn't regret opening my heart to her because, flash news, it was the best thing I had ever done! Emily made me better. She made me smile and she made me laugh and she made the world just a little bit less grim, a little less gloomy every day.

And so what if I wasn't sure I was the best person she could be with? So what if I didn't think I'd ever be good enough for her? Truth was, it didn't matter if I was good enough or not because Emily loved me. I could think I was a little shit all I wanted, it would never change the fact that Emily Fitch _loved_ me, no matter the fucking reality. She certainly seemed to think I was enough and that was all the worthiness I required.

"You don't get to judge our lives, smartarse!" Druggy said severely while Bitchy nodded along.

"I'm not judging, I'm calling out your rubbish! And saying that Emily Fitch is _not_ an important part of either your lives is plain _rubbish_! For fuck's sake you can't even hear the name without making a face, the both of you! We fucking _love_ Emily! How does that not make her important?" I said.

"No you love Emily, we don't" Druggy said pointing to herself and Bitchy.

"That's not true, I don't believe you for a second!" I raged.

"Well it is" Druggy argued stubbornly.

But I could see it in her eyes. I could tell she was bluffing, she was me for fuck's sake! And I had been in her reality. I knew how she lived her life, avoiding any kind of connection, losing herself in a meaningless existence with Effy alongside her. She lived in a reality where Emily's name was taboo and that had to be for a reason. If that reason wasn't that she loved Emily just as much as I did, I'd willingly eat an old soggy sock.

"Emily is the sweetest most loving person in our lives and she makes us just plain happy. With her around we're that tiny bit less cynical, don't you realize that?" I asked Druggy. "Go on, tell me how much _happier_ you are without Emily" I pushed. "The drug dealing business really making you thrive isn't it?"

Druggy didn't reply then and I could tell she was now avoiding my stare. I knew she was fighting it, fighting what I was telling her. I knew she had repressed all those sort of feelings for years and she didn't want them to break away on the surface again. I knew because I could understand and I could relate. There had been a time when I had been just as scared as her of my feelings for Emily. Hell, I was still scared at times or else I probably wouldn't have ended up messing with space continuum.

"If she's still in love with E… Emily" Bitchy said stuttering on the name. "I certainly am not. I had never met the girl before these stupid weirdo trips."

I paused for a moment there because this one was trickier, that was true. After all, I had only met Emily in her reality about 3 weeks after getting there so technically, she had never met Emily except from mine and Druggy's realities. I mean she did have someone else in her life, she was married and… wait! My eyes widened as I realized. I actually felt completely stupid not to have realized it before. When I turned to Bitchy with a smirk on my face, I saw her shifting uncomfortably.

"You've never met her yeah?" I asked her.

"Not in my own reality no" she said.

This time as she said it, I observed her carefully. When I noticed her eyes were a bit fleeting and her cheeks just that tiny bit flushed, my smirk grew larger. I felt sure I would be right about this.

"If you've never met her, can you please tell me how it is that your wife just happens to look almost the same?" I asked her casually.

Druggy's head snatched up to look at Bitchy as I said this. I could read the surprise and also the interest on her face. Bitchy wasn't looking too smug now. She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I guess I, or we, just have a type" she puffed out.

I scoffed at her because the excuse seemed so feeble it was laughable.

"No we don't" I said confidently.

Bitchy shifted a bit on her spot, I knew she was trying to find more excuses so I decided to push on.

"Tell me… have you ever heard of Julia by any chance?"

It was Bitchy's turn to have the surprised wide eyes. Her cheeks reddened automatically and she looked away. I smiled brighter and I actually felt elated.

"It was you wasn't it?" I said.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she replied avoiding my gaze.

"Yes you do" I laughed.

There were no words to describe how fucking happy I was, how fucking relieved. I had been so bloody jealous of that _Julia_, so jealous that some girl could have that effect on Emily, some girl that wasn't me. But now I was sure that there had never been any other girl, I had been Julia, I was sure of it. It was just _such_ a "me" thing to do as well to meet a fucking wonderful person like Emily at a crap party and lie to her about who I was and what my life was! Jesus I was such a tit sometimes.

"Listen…" Bitchy tried but let her sentence trail off.

"Oh I'm listening" I said smugly. "Please tell me how you've never set foot in Portsmouth and never met Emily, I'd love to hear your rubbish"

Bitchy blushed again and looked away.

"Wait a minute!" Druggy explained. "You knew Emily? What's this story?"

Since Bitchy didn't seem ready to admit it, I kindly obliged.

"She met Emily in Uni at some house party. She didn't even know Ems but could already tell she was just that special because she lied to her, told her her name was Julia. Then, they ended up sleeping together and she flipped and fucked off and broke Emily's heart" I explained quickly.

"I didn't mean to!" Bitchy added.

Druggy was staring at her mouth wide open.

"It's alright, we fucked off as well after our first time with Emily." I said to reassure her. "It's overwhelming isn't it? The things she makes us feel?"

Bitchy tensed again and scoffed.

"Okay so maybe I lied about not having met her before, maybe I lied to her and gave her a fake name, but I was just freaked about liking girls alright? It had nothing to do with Emily. It could have been anyone"

"R-u-b-b-i-s-h" I said slowly.

"Jesus, why won't you let it go?" Druggy intervened. "Why can't you believe we might not love Emily like you do? Life events shape people. It's reasonable to think that depending on our life experience, our feelings for her would be different"

I paused for a few seconds and just stared at them. God I was the most stubborn cow ever wasn't I? I was actually impressed by the length to which I could try and convince myself that I didn't love Emily all that much or that we didn't belong together.

"I can't let it go because I _know_ that it can't be true! From the bottom of my heart I am 100% convinced that there cannot be a version of me that doesn't love Emily" I started. "I know you might try very hard to convince yourselves of otherwise, I get it okay? You guys are scared because of this feeling, and because it's overwhelming. I know okay? This feeling is so intense that I can barely put it into words!"

I stopped to take a breath and let my words sink in. They were both looking at me now with attention and that was all I needed to continue.

"You guys think I don't know how it feels? Do you think I'm just like… a bolder version of you with my feelings and therefore am not scared as much as you are?"

When I was met with silence I knew I had hit the nail right on the head.

"Well I'm not. I get it, okay? I really really do. I was just as scared as you! Jesus, I'm not even sure I've changed _that_ much. I mean I'm not as scared and this whole experience has changed me, but I know it won't always be easy. How could it be? How can I not be afraid of something that could completely destroy me? I love Emily. I love her so much it hurts most of the time. I can't even imagine how I would feel if I lost her, if she stopped wanting me or if she died. Never in my life have I let other people be there for me, not even mum. I've never let them close enough to the point where they could actually wound me, let alone destroy me! So yeah, it's fucking scary, because now that I've opened my heart completely to Emily, I can't go back! I can't bloody go back! And if somewhere down the line I lose her, I lose myself. Basically, I'm fucked" I said my throat squeezing. "But I can't think like that. I can't keep expecting the worse! I have to trust her and I know I can trust her because she's Emily"

I turned to Druggy then.

"Do something for me yeah? Think about the last time you were with Emily in your reality. Think about the last time you held her in your arms and think about that morning when you gave her the goggles and she brought you garibaldis in bed. Think about how in love you felt when she gave you that bubbly smile full of unaltered love. And then tell me that didn't make you feel complete, that being with Emily didn't make you feel like the luckiest person on earth"

I paused a few seconds after that, letting her do the mental exercise I had compelled her to do. I saw her eyes gloss over and I could tell she was far away now, letting herself soak into memories of a day that was long time passed.

"Now I dare you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don't regret cheating and that you don't miss Emily. Tell me you've felt as happy as then since... go on, tell me that"

I waited a bit, but, just as I had thought, Druggy didn't say anything. Bitchy was too busy looking tense to intervene either. Druggy ended up sniffing and shrugging. I turned to Bitchy then.

"And you, think about that party. Think about how bored you probably were and how annoyed. Also, remind yourself how fucking lonely you felt and then remember how that changed the moment you saw Emily. Remember how it felt to talk to her and laugh with her and make love to her. If you ran away just like we did" I said pointing to me and Druggy. "It's because you felt exactly like we felt, complete, serene and loved. And that's a scary thing to feel about someone you've just met isn't it?"

I paused again.

"I dare you to tell me you felt like that with Sam. I'm not judging you for marrying her or anything, I could never actually judge either of you because I've fucked up as well. I saw Emily kissing someone who wasn't me and I freaked. I freaked because it felt like I had always been waiting for something like that to happen, like I knew that one day Emily would realize I was no good, not nearly good enough"

I paused again to sniffle. My own eyes had glossed over now. I had never spoken so openly of my feelings to anyone and I guess I wasn't now either, not really. But still, admitting it, even if it was to myself, felt like a big step.

"She pleaded with me to listen, kept saying it wasn't what I thought, but I didn't listen. I didn't want to. Because it had been ages since I had realized that hard how much power Emily had over me and that scared the shit out of me. So I tried to run away and this whole mess started. Even in both your worlds I tried to deny it, I tried to fight it, but it just didn't work. I love Emily and I can't help wanting her with me. I can't stand the idea of her being someone else's" I stated firmly.

I wasn't sure if they intended to, but they both nodded along.

"How do I know you can't _not_ love her just as much as I love her? Because that's impossible. There's just no way" I continued. "This kind of feeling it can't just be this version of me. I know it. I know that no matter what happened to us we'd be good together, we'd love each other."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Druggy said then.

"Yeah, how can you know?" Bitchy added.

I shrugged.

"I can't. There's no way to be sure, that's not how love works. But that shouldn't mean we can't trust it either. But look, I was in both your realities and Emily loved me. That's a start isn't it?"

Both their eyes widened.

"She… she did?" Druggy asked shyly. "Even after what I did or rather… what I didn't do?"

I nodded to her.

"She did"

For the first time in a while, Druggy smiled. It was watery and a bit sheepish, but it was sincere.

"And she loved me in your reality too. We hadn't even known each other for that long and she fucking loved me" I said turning to Bitchy.

She gave me a kind smile as well.

"I think Emily and I, Emily and us, would always love each other, no matter what, no matter the reality. I think that I could be dating Cook, she could be marrying JJ and we would still love each other. I could be an egotistical twat who was trying to get back at her mom by shagging her and we would still love each other. We could have met in a circus or in a laundrette and we would still love each other. Fucking hell, I could be a Goddess or some kind of Superwoman in pink spandex or I could even be fucking blind and we would _still_, in all of these situations, love each other. I have no doubt about it"

I stopped talking and this time, when I did, they were both smiling. I smiled too.

"I… I saw her after… everything" Druggy said shyly. "I started Uni at Goldsmith and I went to a party and she was there dancing with some random slag. I… I couldn't take it, I regretted everything so much…"

I nodded, encouraging her to continue. She sniffled and wiped her eyes with her arm.

"And then Effy and I went to Goa… And things just… changed…"

"What happened in Goa?" I asked.

"Well…" Druggy started. "Effy and I tried to forget everything and… well… one night, I was so busy trying to find a girl that look most like Emily that I didn't pay attention to anything else… I shagged a random in some club's bathroom and when I came out I couldn't found Effy. I looked for her for a while and when I found her, she was having a breakdown. I was so scared… she was all I had left…"

Druggy paused to sniff back some tears.

"Turns out she had left to shag some bloke that looked like Freds, but he had gotten violent you know? When he was done he smashed her head against the brick wall and fucked off. Effy just lost it then. When I found her she was curled in a ball calling for Freddie. I held her in my arms and it took me hours to coax her into doing anything. After that, I promised her I'd always be there. Sure we both continued to shag lookalikes of Freds and Emily, but we were our most important person. But I know that Eff knows I'm incomplete. Ever since Emily left my mom's that day all those years ago I've felt incomplete" she finished with a shrug.

My heart hurt for Effy particularly after that tale. Beautiful, smart Effy that was always fighting her demons. Why was life so cruel on some people? Hadn't Effy lived enough shit already in my reality? Why did she have to live that in another? I didn't know how many versions of our lives existed, but I found myself whishing there was one of them where she was just… happy. Because that girl had a heart bigger than a planet and a capacity to love that was so beyond normality that it transcended everything. No fucking wonder it drove her mad.

I didn't say anything and turned to see Bitchy with tears streaming down her face. Druggy and I looked at her surprised because it was the first time she seemed to actually have feelings.

"I fucking hated Emily for most of my life" she said in a weak voice.

Our surprise was so big we didn't say anything. I wasn't sure I understood what she meant by that.

"I met her _once_ at a bloody party. How can someone you've met_ once_ touch your life so much?" She said through clenched teeth. "Everything was so… so fucking _boring_. When Effy died… I felt so lost for a while. Cook didn't laugh anymore and Freddie didn't even talk. We were all a mess. And then Freddie got his accident and Cook got himself arrested..."

Her eyes were dark now and her arms were draped across her shoulders. Every word coming out of her mouth seemed to take her all of her energy, but I didn't interrupt. She needed to get this out just like I had gotten my own shit out and Druggy hers.

"Everything was a bit shit, everything was just so… confusing for a while, and then it got boring. And then she just… appeared. This little ball of woman that was so fucking lovely… I can't even explain how she made me feel and she hadn't even said a word. Then she did speak and I laughed and I… I didn't even remember how it felt to feel so… normal."

Bitchy looked reminiscent now, her eyes lost somewhere, out of focus.

"I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle having someone like Emily in my life" she shrugged. "Then I met Sam and she reminded me of her so much… Well, physically at least. I feel like such a shit, like such a fucking cunt because I dated her pretty much only because she looked like Emily an then I married her to help our party win the election. I mean I love her… in a way… I care a lot about her. But I just… I always felt like… it wasn't it you know? And when I met Ems again in your reality..." She said pointing me with her chin. "It just… made sense. That she was what had been missing"

She kept silent after that and so did Druggy and I. There wasn't much to add. Now that we had all admitted exactly how important Emily was, there really wasn't a lot we had to say. I looked at both other versions of me and felt myself smiling though. For the first time, I had been honest with myself, for the first time, I had just said how I felt and I hadn't tried to fight it or deny it. For the first time, I realized with surprise, I was actually ready to go home.

"So you see… Emily is just… Emily. And I think… I think that if we realize that she will always be _Emily_ and always makes us feel that way and if we just… fucking stop fighting it… then I think we'll be allowed to go home" I said quietly.

They both looked at me for a moment then nodded.

"I'm still not sure how knowing that will change anything…" Druggy said sadly. "It's not like she's a part of my life at the moment"

She looked at me expectantly then and I felt a bit of pressure. I didn't know if I'd have a good enough answer for her. I doubted there was such a thing, but I could try my best.

"I think… I think you just have to let go. Stop trying to… control it? You can't control it anyway whether you want to or not. Just be honest with yourself and with her." I offered uncertainly.

She didn't answer right away but seemed to be pondering my words.

"It actually… makes sense" She ended up saying. "In a fucked up "smartarse" way"

I laughed and shook my head.

"Insult me all you want, I am clearly the superior version in us three" I teased.

"_Clearly_" Bitchy said. "I mean only the totally superior version of us would be responsible for this wanky situation"

Druggy laughed loudly at that and I pouted a little.

"Oh _please_, spare us the pouty look. As if it's gonna work on us" Bitchy said rolling her eyes.

"Hum… I guess not" I admitted thoughtfully.

"Right" Druggy announced clapping her hands together. "Home? Anyone? How do we even do this?"

"I'm not sure" I said slowly. "But the last two times I just touched myself and I was transported"

They both stared at me really hard and then I understood why.

"Not like _that_ for fuck's sake!" I said feeling my cheeks reddening. "I meant I touched the other version of me!"

"That doesn't sound much better either" Bitchy said with a smirk.

"You know what I mean!" I roared.

They both laughed at my embarrassed face before Druggy said:

"So you think we all just need to like… hold hands? That well gay"

"Suits us perfectly then" I piped up.

"Touché" she admitted.

"Alright so… we do this now?" Bitchy interrupted.

"I guess…" I said with a shrug.

We all moved closer together until we were forming a small circle. We looked at each other awkwardly but didn't touch. It was funnily enough a lot more emotional then I would have expected. This whole thing had been going on for months after all and I felt like I had grown to know these two other versions of me even if I hadn't, not really. I took a deep breath and looked at Druggy.

"You take care of Effy okay… she's… really not well in your world" I said.

"I know" She replied with a sad smile. "It's time I took care of that too" she added with a wink.

I nodded and turned to Bitchy.

"Give JJ a big hug for me yeah? I never thought I'd care for him that much, but he's a good kid"

She laughed and nodded.

"Also… watch out for Emily's husband"

"What!" She exclaimed. "She's married to a bloke?"

"Yeah and he's a right fucking abusive Tosser" Druggy said.

I nodded vigorously.

"Ems will need you a lot and Katie too okay?"

"Okay" Bitchy said firmly.

I smiled. A part of me hated that I'd have no power over what would happen in those realities. I was worried for both Effy and Emily and felt like I would have loved to just help them. But I couldn't do that. I had to let the real Naomis whose reality it was take care of it. I had to trust them. It wasn't as hard as it could have been I guess, because as hard as I found it to trust others, it was always much easier to trust myself. I looked back at the both of them, so similar yet so different than the person I was. But we were all the same person and we were all united. And not just in our love for Emily, somehow, I could feel like our souls were connected, like even if we seemed to be three separate entities, we were all one in the end of things.

"Oh, I almost forgot" Druggy said turning to me. "Marry the fuck out of Emily for the both of us alright?"

We all laughed throatily after that. I promised them I would and took a last big breath. Then I lifted my hands towards them and as one we grabbed each other's hands and everything was bright white again.

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I came to my senses pretty quickly this time too. My heart was beating fast, but not burning. I took it as a good sign. I opened my eyes and noticed I was lying on my back. I sat up and took in my surroundings. I frowned when I noticed I seemed to be at Keith's pub. Only it was completely empty and squeaky clean. That later fact intrigued me a lot more than the first. When was the Fishpond ever clean? I don't think Keith had ever cleaned a single spot for other purposes then clearing up vomit. Yet, I was undeniably sitting on the stage of a very clean Fishpond Tavern.

"What the…" I muttered under my breath and looked around me again.

This time I was surprised to notice that I wasn't quite so alone. Oh no, this time there was someone sitting on a table facing me and she was smiling. She was… well she was me, if I could say that, only about a thousand times more beautiful. Her skin was flawless and milky white, her eyes shone like beacons in a blue that was so soft, but yet so penetrating that it looked like it had been photoshopped and her hair was the most perfect shade of peroxide blonde, not a single trace of darker tone, that fell on her shoulders effortlessly, but gracefully and looked like no one had ever coiffed it, yet it seemed so immaculate that it was almost impossible. She wore a thin white summer dress that just hugged her torso and her hips in the most flattering manner.

She smiled at me and it was both sincere and teasing. It was fucking weird to be honest. She tilted her head to the side, clearly amused by my reaction and again she just looked completely … perfect. I had a hard time accepting the fact that she was me or I her. It seemed impossible that I'd be connected with such a faultless being.

"Are you like… another version of me from another reality or something?" I asked.

"Or something" she replied in a melodious voice that I could vaguely recognize as my own.

I nodded slowly, not sure what I was supposed to understand out of this. I looked around myself again. Nothing had changed this time.

"Hum… Do you… know why we're here?" I asked shyly.

I had never thought I could be intimidated by my own person, but I was. How could I not be when this version or whatever she was looked so inhumanly perfect?

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't, do you?" She replied.

Something in her eyes made me feel like she was playing with me. I had a hunch that she knew perfectly where we were and why we were here, but wasn't going to tell me.

"I don't actually… I… I thought I'd wake up home" I admitted.

"But where is home when you think about it?" She said dreamily.

"Hum…" I started frowning. "Well home is the reality I remember living, isn't it?"

"I don't know, is it?" She asked still smiling.

I frowned even more. Who the hell was she and what on bloody earth was going on? I had been sure I'd be waking up home and now that I hadn't, I was confused. I continued frowning, trying hard to understand something out of this while the other me just kept smiling and watching me. It was unnerving because she looked like she knew so much, like she knew everything. It was so weird I felt like she could read my mind and was greatly amused by what she was hearing. Somehow…. Somehow she reminded me a bit of Effy.

"D'you… think you could explain, you know, more?" I asked.

"Explain what?" She asked her voice levelled, her lips still curved in a smile.

"Well… why am I here?"

"Is there anywhere else you need to be?"

"Yes" I replied firmly. "Home, with my Emily"

Her smile grew a bit larger and her eyes seemed to shine for a second.

"Is that what you really want Naomi?" She asked in her sweet voice.

"Yes, it very much is" I said.

"What if I told you you can't?"

I paused and stared at her. What! Was it possible I wouldn't be allowed to go home? After all, I didn't know anything about these travels. If there were rules to them, I didn't know them and therefore this outcome could be very possible. But God I hoped it wasn't true.

"Who _are_ you?" I asked her raising my eyebrows.

I think I had the right to know. If she was going to go on and tell me those sort of things, the least she could do was tell me who she was and from where she was. She eased herself off the table with grace and started wondering aimlessly around the pub. She looked around herself sometimes lifting her hand as if to touch something that I couldn't see. She turned to me and I raised my eyebrow again as a silent urge for her to answer my question.

"I'm you of course" She replied with half a shrug.

"Okay…" I said slowly. "Are you from another reality?"

"Yes" she said. "But yet no"

I stared at her because, really? Could she get any more cryptic? She definitely reminded me of Effy.

"Where are you from then?"

"Nowhere and everywhere. I'm the paradox. I am you, but I'm also not you. I am of this world yet I aren't, I'm from the past, the present and the future." She said in an ever so calm voice.

"So you're like… an almighty form of me?"

She laughed at my question. And I found myself amazed again that a laugh could sound so pure, so full of life.

"I guess you could say that" she finally said.

"Then… you must know why I'm here…"

"I do" she nodded.

"And the reason is?"

"To talk to you of course, why else?"

"Talk to me about what?" I asked uncertain.

"About your options Naomi"

"You sound like a counsellor" I observed.

She kept on smiling. I don't think she could do anything else.

"Well I guess I can be that as well" She nodded to herself. "But I only tell, I do not guide"

"Tell me then" I said.

"Very well" she said before walking to the table she had sat on previously and leaning on it.

She looked around the room one last time, glanced at particular spots and smiled, then she turned to me and although she was still smiling, I could feel the atmosphere had shifted.

"You have disrupted the structure of being Naomi" She announced.

"I have?"

"Yes, you have. The universe works in mysterious ways, perhaps you've heard? Even so, it has a very fine layer of direction even if the possibilities are incalculable and immense. Everything is planned you see? Not that the concept of free will is bogus, but there still is an aim, a point. When you got hit, you generated the kind of energy that never happens, you opened possibilities that weren't supposed to be opened" she explained.

"I'm sorry?" I offered sheepishly.

"Don't be silly" she reassured with a smile. "It's so much more interesting that way. But this event, it changed a lot of things, Naomi, do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I do but… what does this mean? Does this mean I can't go home… ever?" I asked frightfully.

"Not necessarily" She replied.

I sighed in relief. Good. If there was a way I could go home, then everything would be alright. She had stopped talking now and was waiting for me to say something else. I could only oblige her.

"You said something earlier about options? I'm guessing I'll have a choice to make?"

She smiled more brightly at my words.

"You do in fact"

"So what are my options then?" I asked apprehensively.

"You can go back home-" she started.

"Brilliant! I wanna do just that!" I cut her off.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Always so eager to choose" She laughed lightly.

"Sorry, but I don't see why I wouldn't choose that" I explained.

She just kept smiling, but there was something in her aura that made me shiver. Somehow, I was dreading her next words.

"What if I told you that, if you go home, you can't live? What if I told you that your destiny there lies in death? Would you still go back?"

I think my heart stopped when I heard that and I looked at her in horror. I grasped for words, for something suitable to say, but nothing came.

"I…" I attempted lamely.

She gave me an understanding smile.

"Your choice lies between whether you want to go home or keep living as you are now, as a figment of space continuum, exciting, but never really fully"

"To keep travelling from reality to reality you mean?"

"Yes, that is what I mean"

I pondered for a second.

"And if I go home… I'll die?" I squeaked.

"You shall surely meet your death if you go back, yes" she confirmed.

My chest tightened as I considered both options. It didn't seem quite nice did it? On the one hand I died and on the other I'd never get to go home. I felt my throat squeeze and felt tears build in my eyes. This was unfair, why wasn't I allowed to go home? Why couldn't I just live my life like I had? How could I experience all this, realize I could trust Emily fully and then just… not be allowed home?

"Why does it have to be like this? Surely there's an explanation" I asked.

"Of course, you disrupted the way of things and you've only managed to survive it through a reality loop hole. As long as you are stuck in this loop hole, your life is safe, but the disruption continues"

"If I go back, does the disruption stops?"

"Indeed" she nodded.

"And… what does it change, this disruption? What happens if I don't fix it?"

"Space continuum remains unstable and nothing is set anymore. When time and reality collapse then there's no happy ending possible" She explained casually.

"Is that… Is that why things ended so badly in the travels I did?" I asked.

"It is"

"Fuck…" I muttered.

If the disruption kept going, then I'd always have to live in new realities that were doomed for failure? How was that in any way enviable?

"What about the other "me"s? What happens to them?"

"They shift through the loop hole with you"

"Can I ask… why does the loop hole erase happy endings?"

"It's simple, only an entity from a set reality has the potential to create a happy ending and when you keep existing in the loop hole, the mere possibility that you might make those entities shift disables the potential for happy endings"

"Why" Why are those… entities the only ones that can create happy endings?" I said feeling like a needy 3 year old.

"Because they alone can withhold the amount of faith that is require for such endings. You'll understand that to be truly happy, one needs to have faith in the outcome of things. You can never generate enough faith in a world that is alien to you, it's impossible. Faith is a tricky matter and when I speak of it, I do not mean it in the concept humans have develop. It's a higher concept that is at the base of existence. An entity has the faith that it will acquire something from living, therefore it lives. If they didn't believe it, they wouldn't live. Keeping that in mind, only someone with a complete reality experience has the intrinsic skills to develop his or her reality to its purest, happiest form"

I nodded slowly, letting the new knowledge sweep through me. It was simple really. And it did make sense.

"And if I go back to my reality, I fix the distortion?" I asked.

"Yes, because the loop hole stops existing"

"Why do I have to die?"

"Because you're the disrupter. The Power that generates the Universe cannot risk another disturbance like the one you caused. Because the price of your distortion is too awful. Don't you think it is?"

"Then why doesn't that "Power" eliminate me now?"

"You're safe in the loop hole. And, besides, the Power doesn't control, it generates and let's go"

I frowned again and thought about it. She was right though, a Universe without happy endings _was_ an awful thing. Could I really be selfish enough and continue to live but doom the Universe for everyone? Or could I sacrifice myself and fix it? There was one last thing I needed to understand before making my decision.

"This lack of happy ending, is it just for me or everyone?"

"They only affect your reality, your experience as an individual and of course the reality of those around you"

"So that means Emily's reality too?"

Perfect-me smiled more brightly then she ever had since I had been in her company. Her eyes glimmered in the tainted lights of the tavern, full of mirth, full of pride.

"Emily's reality is so closely knitted with yours that, yes, it affects her as well"

"So if I keep hiding in this loop hole, Emily will be miserable in every reality?"

"Yes"

"That can't do" I said firmly.

"No?" Perfect-me asked.

"No" I repeated adamant.

"Does that mean you wish to go home?"

I hesitated a little. I knew then I would go home, because scarifying Emily's happiness was too high a price to pay, but I needed to ask something.

"Do I get to like… say goodbye?" I asked in a weak voice.

I could deal with dying, I think, if it meant that Emily would get happy endings at least _somewhere_. I could deal with death in exchange of that, but I needed to see _my_ Emily one last time before I was able to let go. I needed to apologize and tell her I loved her. If I couldn't do that, I knew I'd never be able to let go, I'd never find the strength.

"Say goodbye?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah… like... do I just… die as soon as I get there? Or do I get a few minutes?"

She seemed to think for a moment or maybe she was just observing me.

"You're a curious one" she said.

I lifted my eyebrow at her because she hadn't answered my question at all.

"You get some time, yes" she said.

"Good. Then send me back home" I confirmed.

"Are you sure? There is no going back after you decide. Isn't a life, even if fleeting, better than death itself?"

"Not if it means Emily can't be happy no" I said.

"So Emily is worth more than your life?"

"Her happiness is, yes. I love her, I think you know. You must know if there's any part of you that's me. And when I thought these travels were about teaching me a lesson or whatever, I learned that there's nothing I wouldn't do for Emily. I know she loves me to infinity as well, so if I say goodbye… I think… I think she'll be okay. It'll be hard, but if me dying makes us able to be happy in countless other realities, it's worth the bargain yeah?"

Perfect-me didn't reply but just smiled.

"You are truly a wonderful being" she said after a while.

I felt my cheeks blush and gave her a thankful smirk. She approached me then. She stopped about an arm's length away from me.

"Are you ready?" She asked her voice soft.

"Yeah" I whispered.

And with a last smile, she touched my shoulder and there was light again.

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Pain. Insufferable, suffocating pain. That's what I felt when I started being conscious of myself again. My whole body was on fire, my eyes felt heavy. I could hear, as if it was in a great distance, the beeping of machines. I tried to open my eyes, but couldn't quite manage it. Fuck me this was painful and bloody hard. I tried to move my fingers, but they were heavy too. I think I managed to twitch a bit though and the next thing I knew there was a hand engulfing mine, squeezing it gently.

"I'm right here Nai…" I heard the unmistakable voice of Emily whisper close to my right ear.

Oh god that voice! I had to open my eyes! If that weird, but flawless version of me had been honest, I'd be home and this meant that the Emily I was hearing was _mine._

"Please wake up babes…" She continued.

I noticed that her voice was thick and heavy, just like if she was restraining herself from crying.

"I need you to wake up Naoms…" She whined.

I tried opening my eyes again, but god it was just _so_ hard. Yet, there was nothing I wanted more than this. I needed to speak to Emily one final time. I tried to squeeze her hand back but only managed to twitch a few fingers again.

"That's it baby… I know you'll wake up" Emily encouraged.

And the funny thing was, it actually helped. I tried to focus on my breathing, to regulate my body as much as I could. I tried to override the pain, override the laziness that seemed to have settled in all my limbs. I tried to speak, but my lips wouldn't move. I tried again and this time a groan escaped my throat. Emily squeezed my hand again.

"Oh god babe… please be waking up" Emily said her voice laced with excitement now.

I fought against the hurt just because I'd have done anything for Emily and because I knew I probably didn't have much long left. If this pain was anything to go by, I really didn't have fucking long. I tried to open my eyes and the more I pushed against the pain, the more predominant it became. My head was invaded by an ear splitting head ache, but I pushed on. I didn't have long, but I also didn't need long.

I was really bloody relieved when I felt my eyelids part and the first images of the world came to be. My vision wasn't very clear for a while, but when it settled, the first thing I saw was the most beautiful thing I could have; Emily.

"Naomi!" she said, her eyes instantly filling with tears.

She sat on the edge of my bed and pushed aside a few locks of my hair. I was grateful for it because I don't think I had the strength to move my arm. I swallowed slowly, took a few slow breaths as well as I just gazed at Emily.

She was everything I remembered and more, her eyes glistening with tears, but so full of love and adoration. I tried to smile at her, but probably only managed something pathetic.

"I'm so glad you're awake Nai" she muttered caressing the side of my face with her fingers.

I closed my eyes for a second to enjoy her touch. It was easier this time to open them again, not as painful. Emily was still there when I opened them.

"I'll go get a doctor, tell them you're awake" She said.

"No" I croaked with difficulty. "Stay"

Emily nodded quickly and brushed her fingers again against my cheek.

"God babes, you scared us so much… You big fucking twat!" She laughed.

I think I would have laughed along if I had had the energy.

"Sorry" I muttered instead.

I was feeling guilty though, because here Emily was, so relieved when I knew I would break her heart very soon. I could feel my energy wavering. I closed my eyes for a second, gathering all the strength I had left to enable me to say what I needed to say. When I opened them again, I stared right at Emily, locking her gorgeous brown orbs with mine.

"I love you" I said with as much sincerity as I could muster.

My beautiful redhead beamed at me with so much unabashed love that my heart fluttered.

"Yeah, I know" she said. "I love you too"

She leaned closer and placed a very careful kiss on my lips. I felt like humming. She continued to traced her fingers on every inch of my face, her other hand still encasing mine. I couldn't touch her in return but I let my eyes roam her perfect features, from her long lashes to her button nose. Jesus Christ that woman was just so beautiful. My heart was filled with love to the point of bursting.

"Ems…" I said softly to break the silence.

"Yes babes?" she replied right away.

"Do you have the box?"

Her brow crinkled for a second then they smoothen again and she reached the hand that had been on my cheek to her pocket and took out the box I knew encased the engagement ring I had bought for her.

"Open it please" I whispered.

She did as she was told, her eyes widening a bit when she saw the ring.

"Naoms…" she said. "It's so beautiful…"

I smiled at her reaction.

"Will you marry me Ems?" I asked.

She turned her head quickly to mine.

"You're asking now?" she said.

"Yeah" I croaked.

"Then yes. A thousand times yes Nai"

I smiled and closed my eyes. I knew I really didn't have much time left. Luckily for me, I was almost done.

"Now I'm officially yours Emily…" I said, my eyes still closed.

"And I've always just been yours, officially or not" she replied.

I kept smiling. I liked that she had always had been mine. I wanted to open my eyes again, but I realized I didn't have enough energy anymore. Nonetheless, seeing Emily's beautiful face after she accepted to marry me was a good thing to see last.

"Don't forget…" I said. "No matter… what… I'm always… loving you" I finished with difficulty.

"Naoms?" Emily asked and I could hear the anxiety in her voice.

"Don't… No matter…" I repeated softly, my words losing themselves in the air.

"Naomi?" Emily said, panicking now. "Naomi please stay with me!"

"I… Love…" I started but couldn't find the strength to finish.

It didn't matter though, I knew that she knew. I couldn't distinguish much anymore now, I had only seconds left at best. I heard a few other panicked calls from Emily. Then an "I love you" stuttered through sobs and then nothing more.

I smiled and let go. I was ready.

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**Hold your murders please, there is one chapter left! **

***MM runs wildly to avoid the amount of shit being thrown at her and then ducks behind a big rock***

**Come on guys! I love you? Okay so this is almost the end! Yikes! I can't believe we're finally here! Seems like yesterday that I was posting my very first chapter! Yet Manifolds' anniversary is coming fast (August 15th!). Can't believe it's almost been a year! **

**Right so for the final chapter, I already have quite a lot written for it already so I'm really really hoping I'll be able to get it out in two weeks tops! No promises, since I've got quite a week planned ahead of me (it's my Birthday next Tuesday!), but I will try my very best! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for the support and please lemme know what you thought okay? Your comments always make me swoon! And write faster :P **

**Cheers! Xx**

**Ps: Miss Kemz (Mine and Emz2009's joined account) is now created! Follow us to get more news on the collab! **


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: So this is it! I'm feeling a bit emotional! I can't believe it's all over! Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck around to the very end! I love you guys and I won't keep you occupied too long. I've got more talk at the end of the chapter anyway Enjoy! **

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Manifolds

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Chp. 32 aka Final Chapter

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There are so many things we know about the Universe. So many things we've bothered to find out, so many things that matter. Scientifics have been studying it for generations and the more time goes by, the more we know. We investigate, we dig around, we ask questions that we try to answer and, sometimes, we find those answers. We know things like the fact that Universe is approximately 13.7 billion years old because some people thought about measuring the composition of matter and energy density and we know that it's getting bigger because some people like to study supernovas.

But when you think about it, there is also so much we don't know about the Universe, so much we haven't discovered yet. There is so much we don't understand, so much we can't even contemplate. Possibilities, concepts, theories, there are probably more of those than we could ever imagine, ever conceive. And without even needing to think of those things we can't imagine, there are so many things we don't understand.

Choices, faith, life and death, for example.

Are there such things as choices or is the Universe set to happen in a specific way? Is there a plan that's established, is there a thing like destiny or is a world really shaped by the actions of the people in it? What makes it possible for humans to choose and what influences it? Do we have that much impact with our choices, impact on our world, impact on others, or is it all trivial? And if it is so trivial, isn't that ruining the whole concept of choices to begin with?

What about faith? What defines faith? Is it the belief in an ultimate being like God or is it something else? Why does the human being believes in anything? What makes it so that it trusts and believes in certain things, but not in others? Why is it that every human has at least one belief? Is it essential to survive? And if it is, what kind of power does it hold?

Life and death. Who decides of it? Who decides who gets to live and who dies? Does anything decide at all? Then how is it that some people get diseases while others don't? Is it chance? Then is it just a matter of chance that a simple organism, a simple being can be at exactly the right place at the right time to generate the right amount of energy to disrupt everything? And more importantly, if it happened once, can it happen again? Can a single human being surpass every expectation twice?

Yet, isn't it the wonder of mankind is that it _does_ exceed what could possibly be expected of it?

.

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Beauty, pleasure, happiness, it all lies in the simplest of things. The little gestures, the little moments are those that will mark us for the rest of our lives. It's that one smile when you tell that special woman you love her that makes you grin all the way inside your heart and comes back to your memory every time you close your eyes. It's that one laugh that echoes in your ears and travels through your spine that breaks through your tears and reminds you of better days. It's that one moment when your eyes flutter open when you thought they never would again that constitutes the best thing that's ever happened to you.

The first thing I actually remember is just that; my eyes fluttering open, slowly, almost comically so. Then I felt my heart beat steadily inside my ribcage.

_Thump thump, thump thump_

Just like that, smoothly, completely at ease. Just like if it had always done, like it had never stopped. I felt air enter my parted lips and fill my lungs and it felt so good that I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in. I felt my chest heave and I held it there. My heart beat a little faster, as it was supposed to do. I let out the breath shakily, coming to the only possible conclusion.

I was alive.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to think of this, wasn't sure if I ought to laugh, thank someone or anything else I couldn't think of. I was confused, to say the least. I could remember everything that had happened to me in its finest details. Every reality, every word, every feeling, it was all there, safely stored in my memory. And I had remembered instantly too. The second my eyes had opened, I just knew everything.

And that was the problem, of sorts. If I remembered everything, I surely remembered that I should be dead. I had chosen to die and I had felt myself die. I was sure I had. Yet I wasn't. How could it be?

I let my eyes close for a moment, almost afraid of opening them again. Where was I? I hadn't really taken notice for the short seconds they had been opened, but now I was wondering. Had I managed to get stuck in the loop hole again? I thought I had sorted it, wasn't I supposed to sort it?

I moved my fingers one by one and then my toes. I wanted to make sure this was real, that I wasn't dreaming. When everything responded accordingly I realized there wasn't much I could do to hold this off any longer. I'd have to open my eyes, I'd have to see for myself what was going on.

I opened one as if that would somehow shield me. Then I opened the other and stared at the white ceiling in front of me. I could tell I was lying in a bed, a soft and comfortable bed at that, but other than that, I couldn't tell until I decided to move my head and bloody look. I took another slow breath and turned my head to the right, purposefully avoiding looking at the other side of the bed. Blimey I wasn't ready for that just yet, whether there would be something to see or not, and I'd hold onto the time I had left as long as I bloody could.

I blinked a few times when I saw an alarm clock.

_6h02_

I blinked again when I realized I _knew_ this alarm clock. I felt my breath hitch and I quickly sat. My eyes roamed my surroundings, still avoiding the rest of the bed mind, and my heart started beating faster. I couldn't move anything else but my eyes.

Fuck me!

I was… I was in my room. I was in _my_ fucking room! I trailed the walls and the furniture, my eyes finding the familiar nooks and crannies and everything as I had known it. Every poster, every picture, it was all there just as I remembered it. I breathed heavily, trying to gather my senses. I didn't want to raise my hopes up. I don't think I could take it if I wasn't where I thought I was. I looked back at the clock and checked the date.

6th of May

Oh fuckity fuck! This was the morning I had proposed to Emily. Could it really be? I closed my eyes again, feeling my heart just hammering away in my chest. I think I was actually shaking. I didn't dare believe it since I _had_ awoken in a very similar setting last time around and had been disappointed, but, somehow, I had the feeling this was different.

I blew the air out of my lips slowly, eyes still closed. There was only one way to know if this was real or not and it was to look at the other side of the bed. Was it normal to be so completely terrified of such a simple thing?

"_Come on you big whimp_" I told myself because, let's face it, there was no escaping this.

I had to look.

Slowly, I inched my head to the side, keeping my eyes to the bottom of the bed. My breathing was as heavy as it could get, my limbs still shaking. I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw the form of feet under the comforter. My heart was beating insanely fast and I wondered for a second if I wouldn't die of a stroke before I even turned my head fully. Still though, I inched my way to the head of the bed. There was no turning back.

As much as I didn't want to raise false hopes in me, I soon found myself chanting:

"_Please let it be Emily, please let it be Emily"_

I saw a toned arm lying on the bed and my heart skipped another beat as I realized for sure that it was a woman's arm. It felt to me like my mind was jumping on any detail it could to conclude that it had to be Emily because I thought the arm looked familiar. Like my brain had decided that the softness of the skin and the beautiful long fingers of the hand were, for sure, Emily's. This was actually torture. I couldn't hold it any longer. I held my breath and finally turned my head completely to look at who was next to me.

I felt tears sprung to my eyes and brought a hand to cover my mouth. The next second I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. My heart was beating frantically, almost fluttering right out of my chest and I think I had never felt this way before. I was too shocked for a second to feel anything else but that, but when the shock subsided a little I was hit by a wave of relief. And what a fucking wave it was!

I stared at the sleeping form of the person that was none other than Emily and I continued crying. I was so fucking happy, so fucking relieved. There were no words to describe how it felt to be home, in bed with _my_ Emily. Because I had to be, right? If I recognized everything around me and Emily was in bed with me, I had to be home right? I didn't understand anything, I didn't even understand what I was doing here to begin with, but I couldn't care at the moment. Not when my beautiful redhead was just there, inches away from me. I wanted to rush to her, pull her in my arms and never let go, but part of me was afraid she'd disappear if I touched her. Part of me was afraid I'd wake up somewhere else, part of me was afraid I'd black out and just die or something.

My sobs must have been a bit too loud though because before I had time to do anything, Emily began to stir. I watched in amazement as her button nose twitched cutely and her eyes started moving behind her closed eyelids. The next second, they were fluttering open and Ems was bringing a hand lazily to rub her eyes.

"Nai?" she muttered as she continued to rub her sleepy eyes.

I was too stunned to reply, too mesmerized. I was still afraid this was all just one bad joke. When she saw that I was crying, Emily sat up in our bed and brought her arms around my neck.

"Baby what's wrong?" she said worriedly.

She pushed her right hand through my hair and whipped away my tears with her careful fingers. I felt myself shudder under her simple touch. God this felt amazing. I leaned forward and caught a whiff of her smell. I stared at her hard, my eyes still filled with tears of happiness. It really was her.

"Naomi, babes, talk to me" Emily whispered.

I leaned forward again and this time I caught Emily's lips with my own. She seemed a bit surprised at first, but soon relaxed. I hummed against her, revelling in her feel. There was no doubt that it really was her, _my_ Emily. I brought my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. She complied without hesitation and sat eagerly on my lap. I held her closer still and broke our kiss to dig my nose in her red locks. God it felt good to hold her like that. Ludicrously, undoubtedly good.

"Naomi?" She said quietly. "Are you alright?"

I nodded enthusiastically and pulled myself a bit away from Emily but only so I could capture her lips once again. This time, there was an undeniable hunger in my kiss and I was glad when I was met with just as much hunger. My heart was racing as much as ever now and I couldn't believe how much I wanted her, needed her in that moment. Sure, I had slept with the Emily from the last reality and as much as she was the same person, she wasn't mine, she wasn't this Emily that had _always_ been mine. I pulled my lips away to latch them on Emily's neck and felt a spark go through my spine when she growled in response.

I moved a hand on her back and lifted her so I could lay her on our bed. Emily grabbed me by the shoulders and dug her nails into them. As I pressed my body into hers I congratulated us for always sleeping naked because I really couldn't imagine how it would have felt to have clothes separate us in that moment.

I kissed my redhead's jaw and descended to her clavicle, cherishing every whimper emanating from her lips. I could feel her tits moving against mine and her hips already writhing against my tight. I moved back up to capture her lips once again and automatically opened my mouth to let her tongue dart inside. We kissed frantically as I continued to press my tight into her and Emily brought her hands to my neck. Her fingers were twitching against my skin and her hips were moving more wildly by the second. I brought a hand to cup her tit and captured her nipple between my fingers. She felt so good under my fingers, I was surprised I hadn't turn into a messy puddle. The things she made me feel had always been unimaginable, yet ever so present. I loved that from a simple movement of my tight or a simple caress of my fingers, I could make her body move in so many ways.

"Oh shit, Nai…" Emily gasped disconnecting our kiss.

I moved to the side of her neck and licked my way up to her ear, biting softly on her lobe. She growled even louder. I was in such a frenzy that I could barely contain myself. I left her ear to move down quickly and latch my lips around the nipple that wasn't in my hand already.

"Fuck yes…" Emily whimpered.

I licked her nipple until it was rock hard and sucked on it to drive my lover mad. She gasped and shivered and writhed against me and I smiled. I had never been so fucking turned on before. I knew it wouldn't last long, not nearly long enough. I dreamed of exploring her again just like if I had never made love to her before, but I knew that, in this moment, I needed to have her, to have her completely surrender to me. I needed to feel her lose herself in my touch, I needed to see the love, our love, in her eyes as I made her come. Besides, there would plenty of time, plenty of nights to make love to her, now that I was back. I felt myself smile bashfully at that prospect.

I brought a hand down between her legs and didn't even tease her before running my fingers along her folds.

"Humpfff" She hummed loudly as I traced her clit.

I kissed my way back to her lips and swallowed her gasp when I entered her with two fingers feeling her wetness surround me. I started moving inside her slowly, building my own pace, but knowing she was enjoying every second of it nonetheless. I wanted to take her fast, but not too fast and definitely didn't want to shag her. Emily and I never shagged, it was always more than that, and I wasn't about to change that. I quickened my pace and brought my left knee higher to spread her legs wider. I moved my hand so I knew I'd hit just the right spot with each thrust and I was rewarded when Emily's gasps became even louder, huskier and her fingers dug into my shoulder blades again.

"Oh my god Naomi" She whimpered loudly.

I moved to kiss her neck again and quickened my pace just a bit more, because I knew she needed it. If I needed to feel Emily, she surely needed to feel me as well. I wanted her to feel my love with every movement, feel my admiration as I gazed at her naked form. I could feel my gorgeous redhead squeeze slightly around my fingers and I knew it wouldn't be long before she came. She was meeting my hand with each thrust by rousing her hips. I bit gently along her neck, letting myself enjoy the taste of the thin layer of sweat that had settled on Emily's skin and reminding her that I was right there with her. I could barely make sense of her words now, but I could still recognize my name every few grunts. I moved my thumb to circle her clit and curved my fingers inside her and I felt her orgasm hit hard.

"I love you" I whispered in her ear as I continued my movement, trying my best to make her orgasm last as long as it humanly could.

Her body was shaking uncontrollably and her hands were clenching and unclenching my shoulders every second and I was loving every minute of it. The way her back arched, the way her hips continued to follow my fingers as if she was desperately seeking my touch, it all seemed ridiculously marvellous to me. I waited for her to come back down to earth before removing my fingers and kissing her tenderly, pouring every ounce of love I held through my lips. Emily brought her arms around my neck lazily and pulled me into her nipping at my bottom lip.

"Good morning" she said huskily with a smirk.

"Morning" I giggled in to her neck.

We lay together for a moment. I had my arms around the petite and she was lazily tracing my back. I couldn't get enough of her, of the feel of her. I couldn't get enough of the happiness that was searing through my every pore. I had missed her, I had missed us. And this moment, even if it probably was nothing that special to her, meant the world to me.

"What was wrong earlier?" Emily asked after a while.

I shrugged into her body because I didn't know what else to do. Was I supposed to explain it to her? How could I? Had it even happened? What if it had just been a very vivid dream? I mean, I didn't think it was, but well… the dream theory was less crazy then the reality travel one…

Emily pushed herself on her elbow to look at me and I saw her curious frown grow into a look of shock.

"What's-" I started but was cut off by Emily.

"Oh my god Naomi! What is _that_?"

I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but when she reached her fingers forward and caressed in turn my shoulder and my ribs I looked down at myself and it was my turn to stare. Shit fuck!

"_So much for the dream theory…"_ I thought as I saw the white scars I had had in the other realities.

"What the fuck happened? What are those?" Emily asked panicked.

"I… I…" I started but how was I supposed to answer?

"Those weren't there yesterday! I know they weren't!" She exclaimed. "How is that fucking possible? They're like… already healed…"

I searched every corner of my brain for a suitable reply, for a realistic explanation, but none came. I mean how could I explain the growth of healed scars on my body for what was, to Emily, overnight? I couldn't.

"I have no fucking clue" I ended up saying.

My redhead stared me down for a long time. I could practically see the clogs churning in her brain. I didn't say anything else though. Eventually, she looked back down at my scars and caressed them with her fingertips.

"It's not fucking normal" she muttered grumpily under her breath.

"Come here" I said pulling her into me.

I kissed her temple and nudged her nose with mine.

"Drop it yeah? It's nothing for sure"

She didn't answer and I could tell she was sulking.

"Ems…" I said kissing her jaw, desperate to change the subject.

She continued sulking and I smiled. Honestly, I know sulking annoys most people, but I could never get mad when Emily did it. How could I when she scrunched up her nose like that? She looked pretty fucking adorable. I kissed her neck and her jaw again. She didn't budge. I continued to pepper her with kisses, making them lighter and quicker. It took barely 5 seconds for the redhead's lips to start twitching. Five other seconds later and a smile had broken on her face and she was giggling.

"Stop it!" she said and pushed on my shoulder.

I laughed and kissed her lips.

"I still don't like it" She said in between kisses.

I giggled and Emily gave me a stern look.

"Don't look at me like that Miss Fitch, you know it makes me all hot and bothered" I said with a filthy grin.

I only got an eye roll in response.

"You're such a knob" she said.

"Yep, the only knob you actually like" I teased.

Emily laughed throatily before giving me a peck on the lips.

"I do love you, for some weirdo reason" She said.

After that, she got up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" I whined.

"For a shower, the alarm's about to ring" she said pointing at it.

"I'm coming with!" I said happily jumping out of bed.

"You are not"

"Why not?" I pouted.

"Because I need to actually shower. I can't be late today"

I grinned.

"And you think you won't shower if I'm there?" I asked innocently.

"You know very well the answer to that question Naomi Campbell"

I felt myself grin even wider. I honestly loved how Emily's mind always thought of sex when I was around. I very much wasn't complaining.

"And would it really be such a terrible thing?" I asked as I sauntered over to Emily and drew my arms around her waist pulling her back against my chest.

"Yes! I don't want to be late" She said.

I started kissing her neck and drawing patterns on her stomach.

"Hummm… stop it" she half whispered, half hummed.

I didn't listen to her and just started caressing more of her skin, tracing one fingertip on the underside of her breast.

"Fuck…" Emily huffed. "Naomi…"

"Yeah…?" I asked innocently.

The redhead turned around in my arms and kissed me hard, plunging her tongue in my mouth. She grabbed me by the neck and started walking backwards to the bathroom.

"You're so much fucking trouble" She complained before closing the door behind us and pressing her lips against mine to stop me from making any comment.

.

.

.

An hour later, Emily was running out of our flat, tugging her purple shirt into her skirt and climbing on her moped. We both knew though that she'd probably be late. We'd ended up having a bit too much fun in the shower and then again in our bedroom as she had tried to get dressed. It had definitely been worth being late in my opinion though. I waved her goodbye and yelled:

"I love you honey! Drive safe"

She flipped me off with a smirk and drove off. I walked back inside to get changed into actual clothes and actually fucking hummed to myself. I was just so freaking happy. I got changed into simple jeans and a white t-shirt and started wondering. I still didn't know why I was here. I mean, why was I home? Had Almighty-me tested me? Was that it? Was me dying a sort of test? Somehow it didn't really sit right with me.

Suddenly, I wasn't as blissfully happy as I had been a few moments ago. What if this was temporary? What if something would happen again and I'd be back in another reality where I didn't belong? Could I really trust that this was it, that I was back for real? And if I was, did I deserve to be? I mean I had fucked up so much I had altered reality! Did I deserve to be back home with Emily? Was I supposed to carry on as if nothing had happened? Would I end up fucking up again and fuck everything up again? How could I know I wouldn't?

A bubble of anxiety started forming in my stomach and, by the time I was ready to go into work, I felt so shitty, I couldn't do it. I wanted to talk to someone, someone who would help me understand… And then I remembered. Effy! Oh my fucking god Effy! With the happiness of seeing Emily again I had completely forgotten that, here, Effy was well and alive. I pulled out my phone and called her. I think I could have cried when she answered and I finally heard her voice.

"_Cook owes me a tenner"_ she said as means of a hello.

"What?"

"_Cook owes me a tenner"_ She repeated.

"Why?"

"_Because I bet him you'd be shitting it so much today that you'd want to skip work to hang out"_ she said knowingly.

"Fuck off!" I laughed.

"_Well, isn't that why you're calling?" _

"Whatever. Meet me at the Shore in half an hour"

"_Okay"_ Effy replied her voice full of amusement.

"And cheers for making fun of me with Cook" I said sarcastically.

"_You're very much welcome"_ she replied.

I laughed and hung up.

.

.

Half an hour later, I was in front of the Café. I spotted Effy really fast and really easily. She was sat at a table looking bored out of her mind and effortlessly gorgeous as per usual. She got up when I arrived and she gave me her characteristic smirk. I was so completely thrilled and relieved to see her being so… _her _that I pulled her into a hug instantaneously. I heard her cough in surprise but I didn't care. I was too happy to see her and too busy trying not to bloody cry to care.

My friend patted my back awkwardly and I let her go. We sat at the table and she gave me a curious look.

"Alright then?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine" I replied as naturally as I could.

Of course my voice was a tad more high pitch than usual and Effy was too careful not to notice it I was sure.

"I'll get the drinks!" I said before springing to my feet.

I came back a moment later with two mugs. We chatted a bit after that about mindless things. I didn't say anything about what had happened to me and Effy didn't say much at all. I could tell though that she was studying me carefully. Maybe fifteen minutes after my arrival, my friend seemed to have studied me enough.

"You look different" She stated after carefully putting her mug on the table.

I looked into her eyes for half a second before turning away shrugging. She waited a few seconds, taking her mug back and sipping from it slowly, but I could still feel her eyes on me. If I knew Effy at all, I was sure she'd eventually ask me something else. I knew I hadn't fooled her and that she could tell something was up. To be fair anyone would have figured something was up with me with the way I had hugged the life out of her earlier. I had never been a hugger after all.

"Naomi" she said firmly grazing my hand for a second with her thin fingers.

I lifted my gaze a bit uncertainly and met hers.

"Are you nervous?" she asked.

Truth is I was nervous. Beyond the fact that I felt like I didn't understand anything anymore, I was bloody fucking nervous. It's not that I doubted that this, being home, was what I wanted. It's not that I doubted my love for Emily and her love for me and I did really want to marry her, but I guess even after everything that had happened to me there was still a lingering doubt. I mean it's not like this whole adventure had made any sense. I knew I had changed, I knew I wasn't the same person, but what if I fucked up? This was so huge I had a hard time wrapping my head around everything. And of course it didn't help that my rational brain was having a hard time accepting that what I had experienced was true at all. So, yeah, what I had lived had been "life changing" or whatever, but you couldn't expect a couple of months in other realities to alter my whole life of thoughts and behaviour… could you? What if dying had really been the better option?

Effy was still looking at me intently as if she was inspecting every tinny movement I was making, every little wiggle of my eyebrows, every little feature shift. My friend had always been incredibly talented at reading people, but I wondered if this time she'd be able to read me. You could hardly expect her to anticipate my confusion when it originated from some unreal events.

"You're confused about something…" she said slowly and I have to admit that the fact she had gotten even that simple fact was impressive.

Note to self, never underestimate Ef ever again. God I had missed her. I nodded slowly and she cocked her eyebrows.

"Well?" she asked.

I shrugged again. Talking had never been something I enjoyed, even to Effy. We had that in common.

"Urgh… Naomi, please don't make me pry it out. You know I'll figure it out eventually. Spare us the pointless waste of time" she finished, fishing her fags from the pocket of her jacket and placing one between her lips.

She offered me one and I took it quickly. Fuck it, I needed it.

"So?" Effy said after a few more seconds of silence.

"I just wonder" I trailed off.

I locked my gaze with Ef's again, but she didn't say anything. I should have known better than to expect her to. After all Effy had always been a woman of a few words and to be honest she had already said more than usual.

"Have you ever really pondered on how your life could be different? You know like if certain things had happened differently?" I mused.

Effy stared for a few seconds before breaking the eye contact, taking a sip of her tea and a slow drag of her fag. I waited for her to reply, but when she let the smoke escape her lips, she remained silent. I gave her a curious look and she quirked her eyebrow at me. Bloody hell! I hated when she thought she could have entirely silent conversation with me! We _did_ have the occasional ones, but this time, I needed actual out loud words.

"Well?" I asked.

"Of course" she said simply.

"And? Doesn't that… bother you?"

"Not really"

"Why not?"

"Because this is how life happened"

"So? You can always change things can't you?"

"Of course. Every choice you make shapes your life"

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "So what if you make the wrong one?"

"You think marrying Emily would be the wrong choice?"

"No! That's not what I meant!" I said quickly.

Effy quirked her eyebrow again. This time I knew she wanted me to explain.

"I know I couldn't be happy without her, not really. I mean she's my one, but I'm not sure about her" I said seriously.

Effy tilted her head sideways eyeing me.

"You think you won't make Emily happy?" she asked in a manner that was nearly a statement.

"No… I mean not really… I mean, I know I _could_, but what if someday I make the wrong choice and hurt her… again…?"

"Do you plan to?"

"Of course I bloody don't Ef!"

"Then it's sorted"

"How is it sorted?" I exclaimed. "I could still hurt her!"

Effy shrugged at that.

"Could you be a bit less cavalier about all this?" I asked her slightly exasperated.

Effy took the time to look at me thoroughly before granting me with a reply.

"You're being serious?" she asked.

"Yes" I muttered looking at my mug.

"You're getting this wrong"

"How?"

"You can't spend your days dwelling on what could be or what could have been" she said smartly.

"I know that… But I can't help wondering…"

"You think Emily could be happier with someone else?" she asked curiously.

"No. I think we're destined to be together" I answered honestly.

"Then what's wrong?" she pushed.

"What if we're destined to be together, but I'm destined to make her life miserable at one point or another?" I said my voice shaking a little.

Because this was what it came down to wasn't it? If my travels had taught me anything, it was that Emily and I were the real deal. We loved each other no matter what our lives were. I was convinced I was the only person whom she could love like this, but what if our great love would always come with great pain? After all, it sort of felt like I had broken her heart three times; in my own reality along with the two others. What if Emily was happier with second or third best? I mean she had been reasonably happy with Callie… Even if her life had been shit with Jim… I mean I knew she loved me more than anyone else, but if it always ended badly, wasn't she better off living the second best choice?

"You don't understand" Effy said seriously.

"What don't I understand?"

"Everything"

I waited for the rest, but since this was Effy none came.

"Care to be a bit more specific?"

"You don't understand life"

"Right…" I said slowly. "What am I not getting then?"

"There is no such thing as destiny"

"I think there is…" I said blushing at my admission.

"You're wrong"

Effy and I stared at each other. I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't know if I dared. Thing is, Effy had surprised me there. I had always thought she was the kind of person who thought that "everything happened for a reason" and that there was such a thing as fate and all that. I mean sure Effy was a born cynic, but she had strong beliefs as well. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and Effy smiled.

"You're scared of asking about Freddie" she stated.

I was surprised that she had figured it out so easily, but quite more relieved that she didn't seem to be upset about it.

"Don't you think you were meant to be with Freds?" I asked spurred on by her words.

Effy smirked before saying:

"Where would I be now if I thought that?"

That truly shut me up and to be honest, she had a damn good point. Where _would_ she be if she thought Freddie was her soulmate, her one and only? I mean I knew it had been one of her downfall in one reality, but in the other she had actually died while being with Freds… And here in my own reality, she had gotten over it… If Freddie really was Effy's one and only, how could she move on from losing him? It made me think how life would be if I lost Emily… Surely it would be the most horrifying thing to happen. And I knew I'd never be able to love anyone like I loved her afterwards, but would it be the end of me as well? Losing Freddie hadn't been Effy's… Was my love for Emily so much more than Effy's had been for Freddie? God I didn't feel important enough to imply that sort of thing.

"You used to think so though, no?" I said trying to defend my point.

Of course I should have known I could never win an argument with Ef.

"I was confused for a while, yes"

"Confused? How?"

"When I was with Freddie, before I went crazy, I was happy. Truly blissfully happy. I thought then that this had to be it. This had to be fate. If Freds had waited for me and had forgiven me for fucking him over, it _had_ to be fate. We were meant for each other" She started slowly.

"What changed your mind then?" I prompted her for more.

"Life did. Freddie died and I thought I had lost my one chance at happiness, I thought I'd die because it hurt so much"

Her features got sad for a moment and I reached my hand out to grab hers. I gave her a gentle squeeze and she smiled at me.

"What happened then? What changed?" I asked truly curious.

"I didn't die" She replied in all honesty.

I raised my eyebrow at her and she smiled before elaborating.

"Freddie died and I thought it would be the end of me. But I got better, I got over it. I felt guilty about that for a long time, until I realized that Freddie wasn't my one and only. There is no such thing as a one and only. There are people with whom you have more connection, but that doesn't make them your soul mate. Freds wasn't my soul mate, he was my choice" she finished.

"So you think you have the capacity to love everyone equally as long as you choose them?" I asked a bit doubtful.

"Yes and no"

I quirked my eyebrow at her and Effy gave a stifled laugh before carrying on.

"There's a difference with being with someone because you think they're your "destiny" and being with someone because you want to"

"But sometimes you can't help being with someone even if you don't want to" I said thinking of how I hadn't been able to stay with Sam and away from Emily in the last reality despite wanting to.

I had never been able to stay away from Emily.

"No" Effy said.

"No what?"

"That's not true"

"It is…" I trailed off but Effy was already shaking her head.

"It isn't Naomi. Think. You can pretend to want something different, but you can never stay away from what you _really_ want"

I pondered on her words for a few seconds and soon found she was absolutely right, of course, as usual. In all the time I had tried to remain friendly with Emily, I had never, not even for a second, not wanted her. To be fair, I couldn't remember a time I hadn't wanted to be with her _at all_. My new understanding must have shone on my face because Effy gave me an amused smirk.

"Alright… Maybe that's correct, but I still think sometimes you just have this one person you're destined to be with" I said stubbornly.

Effy gave me a fond smile. It felt a bit patronizing and I felt a bit ridiculous.

"You're thinking of Emily and it's keeping you from understanding" she said.

"Well of course I'm thinking of her!"

"And you think she's your soul mate"

"Yes! I just _know_ that no matter what happened I'd always want to be with her!"

"Yes!" Effy cried out.

"Well then you're agreeing then, she's my soul mate" I concluded.

"No"

"I'm not following you then"

"Obviously" my friend said chuckling.

"Explain oh Effy, queen of the mysteries of life!" I teased.

"You've said it yourself. You'd _want_ to be with her"

"And?"

"Well that's it isn't it? It's about your desires and your choices, not fate"

"I'm not sure I see the difference" I said.

"The difference is knowledge"

"How so"

"Because you can only desire what you know"

"And what is fate about then?"

"Fate proposes that you desire something that is beyond yourself, something that you might not even know you want until it's upon you. How can you desire something that you don't know?"

"But if you instantly want something when you see it, wouldn't that be the manifestation of fate?"

"I see it more as attraction, connection. You don't have to act on every single attraction you have"

"But what about with Freds, Ef… You wanted to stay away from him, but in the end you couldn't… Just like I couldn't resist Emily"

"But I don't think either of us ever really wanted to stay away Nai… Somewhere inside we always wanted to try this love bollocks. Although you a bit more than I" The brunette said, a twinkle in her eye.

I nodded slowly because she was right again. I really _had_ always wanted to be with Emily. Even when I didn't know that that was how I felt, I wanted her. I had tried to deny it, but there was no doubt, I had wanted Emily Fitch the moment I had set my sight on her and I was 12.

"So what's left if fate is shit?" I asked. "That's awfully depressing no?"

"I don't think so"

"Why not?"

"Because choice is better, purer"

I frowned at that. Wasn't fate the ultimate romantic thing? Wasn't it supposed to be the best? How could something be purer than the concept of being destined to someone no matter what?

"Have you ever had African cucumbers?" Effy asked suddenly cutting my musing short.

"No" I replied simply.

I knew Effy better than to ask what her point was. It was much easier to just go along. She'd make sense eventually.

"Do you think your life is incomplete because of it, that you're less happy?"

"No" I scoffed.

"But what if it was destined to be your favourite fruit and you didn't know?" Effy said sarcastically a coy smile on her lips.

I had to chuckle at that. Obviously I knew what she meant with the whole fruit thing now.

"You can't possibly compare love and fruits!" I said.

"No?" Effy asked still smiling.

I took a moment to mull things over. Why couldn't I compare love with fruits? Because love was more serious? More important? That didn't change the fact that Effy's point had been quite obvious when put on a smaller scale. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't find a good enough reason not to compare the two things. Sure, it didn't have the same impact in a way, but that didn't mean you couldn't make the analogy. Again, Effy saw right away that I had come to that conclusion.

"I get what you're saying and it _does_ make a lot of sense" I relented. "But I can't help being a bit depressed by it. It doesn't sound nearly as romantic as "fate" and "soul mates" does"

"Oh deary me, did this just come out of Naomi Campbell's mouth? I must note this straight away in my calendar. Today should be known not only as the day you proposed to Emily, but the day you finally embraced the disgusting sap you always were"

"Oh fuck off Ef. You get my point though don't you? It feels like…" I trailed off.

I paused for a moment, looking for the right words.

"It feels like it makes the love I share with Emily common" I finished with a sad expression.

"But you're wrong again Naoms" The brunette replied right away.

"How is it special according to your theory then if she's not my one and only?"

"She may not be your one and only, but I'm convinced that you guys are the perfect fit. It's actually painfully obvious, always has been"

"Yeah?" I said this time a tiny smile crawling on my lips.

"Yes. I think you and Emily share a connection that is so strong, so completely _beautiful _and _mind blowing_ that you could never _not_ choose each other in the end. No matter how things turned out. No matter how fucked up the circumstances were, if you actually met, I don't think you could ever stop wanting each other"

I laughed out loud the second the words were out of my friend's mouth. Oh Effy, I think she had never been more spot-on about anything. I thought back about Effy's words and smiled even more brightly. She was right. She was fucking right. There was absolutely nothing common about mine and Emily's love, no matter the way you looked at it. Whether it was Effy's theory of choice or the classic destiny and soul mate one, it didn't change the fact that what Emily and I shared was fucking special. It didn't change that, no matter what, we'd always end up together. And honestly it didn't change much if it was because of our choices or because we were meant to be together. Personally, as long as I was with Emily, I knew I'd be happy.

The more I thought about it and the more I liked Effy's concept of choice and love though. Actually, it was bloody well perfect for me, I realized. I mean I had always been a bit sceptical about the whole soul mate thing and it had only been because of Emily that I had started accepting the concept. Now though, with this new way of seeing it, I felt like it fitted me, fitted us, better. Because we'd always choose each other. After all that had happened, I just couldn't deny that we would always end up choosing each other in the end. And really, was there anything purer than that kind of love?

I still wasn't sure why I wasn't dead, why I was here, but I knew now that it would be alright. Because if I always chose Emily, if I embraced that I couldn't and didn't try to choose anything else, then how could things go wrong? I had to hold on to that belief, I would hold on to it.

"Oh my god you're actually glowing. Please stop before I puke" My friend said with a faint look of disdain on her face.

I laughed and Effy winked at me. Another thought occurred to me then.

"Do you think that is the kind of connection you had with Freds?" I pondered.

"No, I don't think so" She replied simply.

"No?" I said curious and relieved to see she didn't to mind that conclusion.

"No. Freds was a choice that seemed inevitable with how things turned out for me and I did love him, but I think, had things been different, that I could have chosen differently, loved someone else"

"You mean you could have chosen to seriously be with Cook?"

"Actually, I was thinking more about Katie" Effy said with a shrug.

Unluckily for me, I had been taking a sip of coffee when Effy said that. I nearly choked on the damn thing as it came spitting out of my mouth.

"WHAT!?" I exclaimed, my eyes huge.

Effy took one glance at my expression and started laughing loudly. As nice as it was to see Effy genuinely amused, I still needed her to elaborate. I was waiting for her to do so and when my friend saw I didn't look one iota less shocked she smirked and rolled her eyes slowly.

"Don't act so surprised, Katie and I always had a nice vibe, a nice connection. It just didn't turn out that way"

"Seriously Ef? Katie Fitch and you? Romantically?"

"I think it could have happened yes" She said.

"You do realize Katie Fitch is like the biggest cock lover in the UK right?"

"Give her a bit more credit Nai, under the right circumstances I think she'd quite like the muff munching business"

As much as I respected my friend's all knowing-ness, I couldn't get my head around that one. Effy continued smirking though. She wasn't the least bit offended. We stayed silent for a few seconds before she finally spoke.

"Besides, we're both sexy as fuck, I reckon we'd be a hotter couple than you and Emily. And we'd sure have _extremely _hot, dirty and satisfying sex"

"Oh my god Effy! That is _definitely_ filed as too much information" I cringed.

"Don't tell me you've never imagined Katie naked Nai, you're shagging her twin, how hard can it be?"

"Jesus Ef! Fucking stop right there! I have _never_ wanted to imagine Katie like that!" I said outraged.

"I was only joking! Seriously babes, you're no fun at all" the brunette shot back smirking.

I shook my head as Effy chuckled. A comfortable silence settled after that and I started thinking again. As happy as I was, there was _still_ something bugging me. Why was I bloody here! I felt sure Almighty-me hadn't been testing me. I mean I wasn't actually upset or anything. God by that point I was just happy to be here, but still, I was a curious one me and I just wanted to understand. What had possibly happened?

"Something's still bothering you" Effy said.

I sighted loudly.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Nothing, nevermind" I replied.

"Naomi, just try me"

I looked at my friend for a moment. It's not that I didn't want to talk to her, it's just that I didn't exactly know _what_ to tell her. Even if I told her the truth or what I knew to be true, it wouldn't do much because I knew Effy wouldn't understand it more than I did.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you Ef, it's just… I'm not even sure what it is that I should say" I admitted.

She nodded and continued to observe me.

"Well… If you're still thinking about my love-choice theory and think it minimizes the importance of love, you big old sap, then stop fretting. It doesn't. Don't you see Nai? Making choices is the only thing we can really do on this earth and love… well love has the power to generate the most energy so…"

"What did you just say?" I snapped my eyes growing wide.

"That love is big" she replied shrugging. "It drives you mad or blissfully happy. Makes everyone do nutty things and all that"

I nodded slowly, already feeling myself getting lost in my thoughts. Maybe that was it though, maybe that was why I was back. I hadn't been supposed to, but maybe I had triggered something by the choices I had made.

_Making choices is the only thing we can really do on this earth_

It was true though wasn't it? We couldn't control the world, we couldn't change it much and I sure as hell believed we couldn't predict it. But we _could_ make our own choices regardless if those choices were truly life changing or just a predetermined series of events. Maybe my love with Emily had been so special that it had managed to bring me back…

It sure sounded far-fetched and corny as hell, but what the fuck did I know? Hell everything seemed far-fetched by that point so why couldn't this be true? After all, almighty-me had said that the "power" didn't control but only generated. So then, maybe I really _had_ managed to change my fate or my outcome.

I smiled stupidly to myself. I had no way of knowing if I was right and I probably would never know, but I quite liked this theory. I liked to think that my love with Emily was just _that_ particular.

"You're a fucking genius" I said to Effy.

She nodded slowly not even bothering to look at me.

"I will deny ever saying this to my death bed though. So don't ever fucking bring it up"

I laughed and nodded. I wouldn't do it anyway.

.

.

.  
>The rest of the day had gone by a bit too fast for my liking and, before I knew it, Effy and I had had to part to get ready for Keith's tonight. I was so nervous by then it was ridiculous. I mean how could I be so bloody nervous to the point of shaking when, technically, this was my second proposal? Admittedly it's not like the first one had gone really well. Could I even really consider me losing my shit at Emily and throwing her my ring as a proposal? Probably not… it was much better that no one remembered that version, I decided.<p>

I got dressed pretty quickly, with tight dark blue jeans, a white top and a black cardigan. I curled my hair a bit, applied some make-up and swore several times that my hands were shaking way too much for this. I honestly think I was ready way too soon.

Okay, so yeah I was anxious to ask Emily to marry me and, well, it was what I wanted, but it was also nerve wracking. Not that I thought she'd say no… I mean, I didn't think she would… And well she _had_ said yes when I had asked her before dying… But I wanted her to remember this forever and I wanted to find the right words. I loved her, I really did and now I felt completely ready to spend the rest of my life with her. I trusted her more than I had ever trusted anyone else and I just wanted her to know that. I had never been really good with words and especially not those to express feelings, so it had me worried. Sure I had been able to spill my beans to my other selves, but, in a way, they were parts of me so it wasn't the same. Not only was I going to spill my bag in front of Emily, but I was going to do it in front of my friends and pure strangers. And even if I had sort of done it in the shed, it didn't have the same impact, the same depth. I knew that, this time, I would say it all, I knew that, this time, I'd make myself completely and entirely vulnerable. It was terrifying and daunting, but I think I was ready.

I caught myself imagining the smile on Emily's face and the dimples in her cheeks. I remembered her laugh and the sparkle in her eyes. Somehow, I got flashes of her in a beautiful white dress surrounded by everyone we loved. I smiled to myself. Yeah… I was ready.

I got to Keith's in no time at all and, just like last time, I spotted Cook, Katie, Effy, JJ and Lara in a booth in the corner. I waved to them enthusiastically and started walking over.

"HEY BLONDIE! COME HERE MY FAVOURITE FANNY LOVER!" Cook bellowed at the top of his lungs.

I laughed loudly at his words remembering very clearly they were the exact same ones as the last time I had lived this evening. I saw Katie hit Cook in the stomach, just like last time and bit my bottom lip when she complained he was a wanker, _just like last time_.

As repetitive as it might have been, I was ecstatic to be here and see all _my_ friends. I walked over and gave Cook a crushing hug. Not bothered a second about my sudden display of affection, Cook lifted me off my feet and twirled me a little.

"That's it Blondie! Feel the fuckin' love!"

I giggled like a school girl when he put me on the ground again. I was smiling so much my cheeks were already hurting.

"Hello everyone" I said. "Thanks for coming"

"As if I was going to miss _that_!" Katie said. "So? You ready to propose to my sister, bitch? Are you nervous?"

"I would imagine Naomi to be really nervous right now!" promptly replied JJ. "I mean marriage is considered in many cultures to be one of the most important rite of passage into adulthoods. It is commonly known as one of the most important decision in someone's life. Also, with nowadays track record, we all know that only 53% of marriages survive whereas 47% of married couples divorced within the first two years of their union. This rate also slightly increases when people marry before the age of 25, which is the case here. Furthermore, divorce has been evaluated as the most common reason for depressions and suicide. But, anyway, you shouldn't worry too much Naomi, after all only 30% of all proposals end in the negative. Even though I guess you could be concerned knowing that married couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can lead to a decrease in sexual attraction and general health..." JJ started saying quickly but stopped when I drew him into a crushing hug as well.

"Locked on mate!" I said as I squeezed him for a second before letting go.

When I did, everyone was staring at me a bit shocked. JJ included. Okay so maybe hugging JJ hadn't been the smoothest of move, but Jesus I was happy to see him! I would never forget the kind of friend he had been to me in Bitchy's reality and I had to admit I had grown fond of the boy.

"Thanks Naomi" JJ muttered, his cheeks flushed pink.

"It's no problem" I said with a smile and a shrug.

Everyone stared for a few more seconds before Katie broke the silence.

"Okay, what did you smoke? Because it was definitely good shit!"

Everyone laugh and I shook my head quickly.

"Promise I didn't smoke anything!"

"You better not have you cock! I won't let you ruin your proposal night to my sister!"

"Cheers Katiekins, promise I won't" I winked in reply.

The petite eyed me for a bit, inspecting me. Then probably judged I was fine, because she shrugged and everyone sat back at the table. We ordered some drinks and greeted Panda and Thomas when they walked in about half an hour later. I hugged them both tightly and even Panda commented on how cheery I seemed to be.

"You look super-duper whizzer happy Naomi! It's bonkers! Have you been doing the funky gibbons with Emily this morning?"

"Don't answer that!" Katie yelped next to me.

We all laughed and kept drinking and talking for a while. I was having such a good time and even though I couldn't wait for Emily to get here, this moment truly was magical. At one point I grabbed Effy's hand under the table and turned to her with a broad smile and a wink to show her I was there if she had a lonely moment, but by her expression, I knew she was truly enjoying herself and didn't need it. She still squeezed my hand back to show me she appreciated though. I felt so comfortable, so relieved to have her back, to have my best friend back, that I kept her hand in mine and intertwined our fingers. Ef seemed surprised for about half a second, but didn't comment. Not that she'd ever admit it, but I think she actually really liked this more affectionate persona I was showing today. At least she knew I cared and I needed her to know that.

When I started getting extra anxious about the coming proposal and started checking the door for Emily's arrival every few seconds, the object of my obsession and love finally arrived. She walked in smoothly, frowning a bit as she looked for us. I noticed that her face completely lit up when she spotted our table. She gave me such a love filled look that I couldn't help but beam back.

Emily walked a few paces and that's when I noticed stupid Abby the slutty co-worker walking behind her. I felt my jaw tighten and glared at her approaching figure. And then I remembered…

"_I __do__ still love her. You're right, I lied to her"_

"_I don't know if I can live without her"_

_"Then yes. A thousand times yes Nai"_

_"I love you"_

I relaxed my face and stopped glaring. Emily loved me. I knew she did. Everything would be alright. As Emily and Abby got closer, I got an idea and a slow smirk crawled on my lips. I knew exactly how I'd deal with this.

"Hey everyone!" Ems greeted when she was close enough. "This is my friend Abby from work."

Everyone waved them welcome and Emily quickly sat down next to me. She gave me a thorough kiss and brought her arms around my neck.

"Urgh… you guys are fucking gross" I heard Katie say.

I flipped her off or at least I flipped off the general direction I had heard the voice come from. When Emily let my lips go she squeezed me in her arms. It was a bit peculiar, but I wasn't complaining.

"Jesus I missed you today" She said just loud enough so only I would hear her.

"Me too" I admitted.

"I don't why but all day I felt like I hadn't seen you in months… even though I know it's not the case"

"That's weird" I replied placing a kiss on her temple. "Well I'm right here now babes…"

It's funny how things work sometimes isn't it? I travel for months in different realities, I die several times and at the end, when I somehow manage to go back to my home reality, no one but me is conscious that that happened. Yet, Emily, inexplicably, can feel it, even if she has no way of understanding it.

I couldn't help but be wondered by that. How connected Emily and I really were? I think even I had no clue just how deep our connection went.

Anyhow, we all settled back into drinking and Abby was just as much of an annoying bitch as I remembered. Just like last time around, she kept making googly eyes at Emily and touching her as she spoke. I didn't let it bother me this time though. Oh no! This time, instead of focusing on what Abby was doing and getting angry, I decided to play the same stupid little game she was playing. So I just installed myself comfortably in my seat, facing my friends and talking to them as usual, but I arranged myself so that I always kept a hand on Emily's thigh. And as Abby talked excitedly to _my_ Emily, I just carelessly ran my fingers up and down Emily's skin, sometimes letting them trail slightly under the redhead's skirt.

I knew it wasn't a really fair game to play because Emily kept getting flustered and distracted and would lose entire sentences of whatever Abby was saying. When I'd stray a little too high she'd grab my fingers to stop them, but would also turn around and kiss my jaw in a manner I knew meant she was ridiculously turned on. And every time Emily would turn around to kiss me, I'd send the most victorious and conceited look to Abby I could.

After a few hours of this treatment, the poor girl was properly seething and I was on the verge of bursting out laughing. God the revenge felt good. I checked my watch and realized Keith would be calling me up on stage in just under half an hour. The nerves hit me again a bit then, but I still removed my hand from Emily's thigh and got up from my seat. There was one last thing I needed to check before being completely ready for that speech.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna order the next round, everyone in?" I asked.

My friends nodded and Cook quickly got to his feet.

"I'm coming with" he said and followed me to the bar.

When we reached the bar, I gestured to Christina and waited.

"Fuck me Blondie I think I've never seen you acting so smooth eva. Ya sure you didn't smoke before comin'? If ya did I promise not to tell Katie if you share with Cookie" my friend said grinning.

I laughed and shook my head.

"I swear Cook I didn't smoke! Why would I be upset anyway? I said.

"That fuckin' lass, Abby or whatever, has been ogling your girlfriend's tits all night! Don't tell me you didn't notice!" he exclaimed.

"Oh _that_" I said dismissively. "Frankly I think it's a bit pathetic. And I trust Emily"

Cook seemed impressed and I have to admit I felt a little guilty for looking so mature about this when I knew I had originally freaked out and reacted in the worst way possible. But I guess I had paid for that reaction, I had paid indeed. The reality travels hadn't been all bunnies and rainbows after all. I had learned the hard way, but at least I had learned.

When Christina had taken our order, Cook and I sauntered back to our table and I grinned when I noticed Emily and Abby weren't there anymore.

"I'll be back in a minute" I said before turning to get to the front door.

Both Cook and Effy gave me uncertain looks and appeared to be ready to follow me but I gave them a reassuring smile and they remained seated. I didn't need their support, I had faith that I wouldn't need it. I _knew_ I had to trust Emily.

It didn't take long to reach the entrance and I exited the pub as quietly as I could. Once outside I turned to my left and was pleased when I immediately saw the two girls I had been looking for. Just like the last time, Emily was leaning on the wall and Abby was facing her, a fag in her hand. I walked a little bit closer, but not too close, I didn't want either of them seeing me, and then I waited.

It didn't take a minute before I saw Emily look at something on the ground and, when she lifted her head again, Abby making a move to kiss her. I still cringed when I saw that girl's lips press against those of _my_ girlfriend, but I didn't move. Emily seemed completely shocked for a second or two, but when she realized what was happening, she shoved Abby off of her. As much as I had known this was what would happen, my heart felt considerably lighter to be proven right.

"Abby!? What the _fuck_?!" I heard her ask.

The auburn girl tried to stammer an explanation, but, really, didn't manage much. I started walking closer to the duo then.

"Ems listen… I just couldn't help it! I like you" I heard Abby admit.

"Abby… oh my god! Fuck…" Emily said looking shocked. "I have a girlfriend! You can't just kiss me like that, Jesus!"

"I know but… I … I really like you Emily!" Abby said looking crushed.

Emily looked really sorry and guilty for a second, but shook her head at the other girl.

"Look I'm sorry… I'm flattered and all that, but I don't just have a girlfriend you know? I love her. I actually really fucking love her" The redhead explained.

By then I was only a few steps away from the both of them. I felt my heart soar in my chest. Emily really was perfect wasn't she?

"And her girlfriend really fucking loves her too" I said loud enough to be heard.

Both of them snapped their head to me, looking really surprised. Abby was standing there gapping at me and I cocked my eyebrow at her challengingly.

"Naomi…!" Emily exclaimed making a step towards me. "Oh god babes, did you see it?" she asked looking completely terrified.

I nodded and she grabbed my left hand with both of hers.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know she'd kiss me I swear Nai!" She explained quickly.

I turned to her than and placed my right hand on her cheek giving her a loving smile.

"It's okay babes. I know"

Emily seemed to relax instantly at my words and looked at me with all the gratitude in the world. I turned back to Abby.

"I think you should go home" I told her in a very stern and cold voice.

The girl's eyes glossed over and she looked at Emily. When the redhead didn't add anything, she turned around and left. The second she was far enough, Emily launched herself in my arms.

"I can't believe you're not mad" She said squeezing me tightly.

"It's okay babe, I trust you"

"Jesus I love you so much right now!" she half whimpered in my hair.

I laughed at that.

"What does that mean for the rest of the time eh?"

She giggled and we hugged just for a while longer, just because we could.

"Let's go back inside yeah?"

Emily nodded and I grabbed her hand. When we sat back down at our table, our drinks had arrived so we just grabbed them and acted as nothing had happened. I placed my hand back on Emily's thigh, where it belonged and she started chatting with Katie. Of course, not even 30 seconds later, I could feel Effy's stare burning a hole in the side of my head. I turned to her and she cocked her eyebrow at me.

"_Well?" _She was asking me silently.

I gave her an almost imperceptible shrug as if to say _"Well, nothing"_

She shot a quick look at Emily and then at the empty space beside her and looked back at me. I knew it meant _"What happened to the other one?"_

I winked and gave her a smirk to tell her I had gotten rid of her. My friend smirked in reply and nodded her head quickly before turning back to the conversation. We lost ourselves in friendly chatter and after what seemed like 2 minutes Keith had stopped the music and stepped on the stage. I felt my heart beat furiously in my ribcage. This was it then. I took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. Emily gave me a curious look, but I dismissed it with a shake of my head.

"Everyone alright tonight?" Keith asked in his grumbly voice.

After a messy reply from the audience he continued.

"So I know tonight is not the usual quiz night, but I thought we could make a special. And believe me when ya see the lass who will be hosting tonight's quiz, you won't mind it in the least! Everyone, give it up for Bristol's very own blonder and paler version of Naomi Campbell!"

Emily frowned in my direction, a look of complete confusion on her face. I chuckled in response and after giving her a quick peck on the cheek I got up from our table and made my way to the stage under the cheers of my friends and the rest of the pub. I climbed shakily on the dirty old stage and took the microphone from Keith. I turned around to face the crowd and breathed slowly. My hands were shaking and I felt sure it showed, but I tried not to pay too much attention to that. Instead, I turned my head to our group to see a still very confused Emily who seemed like she was asking everyone what the hell was going on.

"Alright?" I asked into the microphone. "Okay so this is a bit of a special quiz edition, bear with me yeah? First question, which bird has a throat sac that can inflate into a giant red, heart-shaped balloon?"

A few people yelled some random names at me and after a few seconds I gave the answer.

"The frigatebird. Second question, which animal has many species of males gifted with two penises?"

"The fuckin' Cookieman" Cook yelled.

Everyone at the pub laughed and I shook my head.

"You're prick enough without two, Cook" I said. "It's the snake"

I continued along for a few minutes asking the audience whacky questions and getting laughs in return. I didn't have that many people answering, but Cook was making enough ruckus for everyone anyway. When I got to my last silly question, I cleared my throat and tried to regain a bit of seriousness. I looked over at Emily who was just looking at me bashfully, a small puzzled expression still on her face, but trusting me no matter what I was up to. I had to love her for it really. She'd always trust me in the end wouldn't she?

"How long does it take the most stubborn mammal on earth to realize it's found its mate for life?" I looked around myself playing the game even though I knew that no one would answer this time.

I locked my eyes with Emily before replying my own question.

"It takes 8 years"

I saw my love's little brows furrow even more in confusion. I couldn't help but smile. I loved that she had no idea what was coming. She was cute like that my Emily, never expecting surprises and special things directed at her even though she deserved dozen of them.

"Actually, there's more than this quiz I have to say tonight" I announced.

"Ems, I've got something to tell you tonight. I had this lovely speech prepared for you and I had even written it down entirely. It was pretty, really, it was full of beautiful words, a magnificent piece of prose, something you would have appreciated as a teacher. It was full of words like "soul mates" and "fate" and "eternity". But I'm not gonna tell you this speech tonight Ems. Not because I don't mean it anymore, because I do, in some way, but Ems, I've come to realize that you're worth more than a pre-written speech. You always have been. And besides, fate and eternity, even soul mates, these words don't have the same meaning to me anymore" I said winking at Effy who was grinning broadly.

"And, let's face it, they hardly do us justice. They're too common and if there's something I'm completely sure of babes is that there's nothing common about our love. So tonight, instead, I'm gonna make a fool of myself perhaps, but I'm gonna improvise. I'll just tell you directly from my heart what you mean to me, what our love is to me. And all these people here will be witnesses to it. I love you Emily. More than I could ever hope to actually say. It's not easy to put words on a feeling so magnificent as our love, especially when you're a bit shit at it like I am. I'll try my very best, I promise, but it might be a bit painful. Just bear with me, please"

I paused then to let my words sink in and stared at Emily. I could see that she was smiling that beautiful smile that was only for me and I could see the love pouring out of her brown orbs. I couldn't believe I had actually ever doubted her, doubted us. I laughed to myself then. I had been _such _a great pillock. And it had taken me some unexplainable reality travelling business to fucking figure it out. Yep, I was definitely an idiot.

"Truth is Ems, it doesn't get better than this for me. I used to think I had it all figured out you know? Life and everything. I knew what I wanted from it, I knew where I'd be in 10 to 15 years. It was all carefully planned. I even had the backups planned you know? Just in case. And you know what wasn't part of those plans Ems? People. I hadn't planned people in my life. Sure on some level I knew my mum would be there, but it didn't really bother me. As for friends or lovers… I didn't really care for those. I didn't need them, so why plan my life accordingly? I didn't believe in love, I mean my dad had fucked off and that was my great love example. I didn't think it would happen to me. Love I mean. Those fairy tales stories you hear about, I always thought they were just a pile of bollocks. And anyway, you know Gina… She never was much one for fairy tales. She always told me that princesses could save themselves."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at that. I heard Emily laugh softly.

"To be honest I was terrified of it. Of love. By the time I hit 15 and had already made up all these lovely little plans, I already knew I was doomed. Because I had already met you. I had met you and I had already fallen for you. I was resisting it though. Very much so. I didn't want to be in love because I thought it was rubbish, because I thought it never lasted. And then Ems you kissed me and I knew I really was a goner. I could never tell you how I felt in that moment without sounding like the world's biggest sap. I swear I couldn't. Because that day Ems, you made me appreciate all those sentimental songs and movies, you made me see what the big fuss about love was about. And that's truly an accomplishment because I was probably the most cynical kid in Bristol"

I shrugged after that because it was true. I heard Cook laugh in the background before yelling "Fuck yeah Blondie! Tell us more details yeah?! What did you do after the kissing part?!" and then saw quite distinctly Katie punch him in the chest. I chuckled at the scene before fixing my gaze back on my little redhead. She was smiling up at me like I was the only one in the room. I felt myself beam at the sight and I could hear the thumps of my heart beating in my ears. They were fast, but steady. This moment would be engraved in my mind forever, I knew it. I took another second to just admire how beautiful Emily was and how much I loved her. This moment would make the hall of fame of my life, I had the right to enjoy it properly. It was almost comical how much I was revealing to a bunch of strangers and I knew any other version of me would have been completely mortified, but, right now, I didn't care who knew I loved Emily and just how much I loved her. It's not like it had ever been that subtle was it?

"But obviously being the stubborn twat that I am, I didn't give in, not yet. I didn't want to lose myself and even then I knew I loved you enough to do that. But we both know how that worked out eh? In the end I couldn't resist. I loved you too much. And you know what happened to my carefully laid plans? They got forgotten in the end and got ruined. But you know what else Ems? It doesn't matter. Not only because you mean more to me than they ever did or because having you in my life made up for the lost plans. The real reason why it didn't matter and still doesn't matter is because we made other plans. We made other projects and we did them together. Emily Fitch I've travelled the world with you and that wasn't planned, but it probably was the highlight of my life so far. I've seen you at your very best and also at your very worst. And I'm proud to say that I still love every square inch of you after having experienced all that"

Emily had started crying silently, still looking at me through her tears. I knew those were happy tears so it didn't bother me. I had to swallow back some tears of my own. I had a speech to finish, I didn't have time to choke on my words. And besides, I was already making a fool of myself by being a great sap in public, I didn't need to ruin my reputation further by crying.

"Emily do you remember when we were in Peru and decided to do the 4 day hike on the Machu Picchu?"

At my question, my beautiful redhead started sniggering. I could only smile before carrying on.

"We had already been travelling for about a month and a half when we first decided to cross over to America and explore Peru. I think our plane had landed maybe 3 hours previously when you got chatting with some guy in a local market. We hadn't found a hostel or anywhere to sleep yet and I was exhausted, jet lag and all that. But you were all excited and the guy told you about the 4 day hike trail to the Inca. 43 km in 4 days, but that didn't strike you as very much. Oh no, because you, my love, had already made up your mind the second that men told you about the sun rise at the very top of the mountain. He described to you how the sun came up from behind the old Inca ruins shedding light on all these carefully constructed structures and how the sight was breath-taking, something to remember forever. I was a bit wary about the whole idea because we had just arrived and we were knackered. Also, I knew neither of us were morning persons and that hike required to get up at 3:30 or something in the morning to start walking. And let's not forget I was carrying the heaviest backpack, height advantage apparently. But you wanted to do it and you insisted. You said we'd be fine and that you weren't that tired. You even said you could carry the heavier bag if that was the problem. Of course you knew I'd never agree to that. Then, you looked at me with this little face you do when you're really passionate about something. It's a cross between puppy-dog eyes and a pout and it's very irresistible. I can never refuse anything to you when you make that face so obviously I agreed. We set out for the hike the very next day, having slept a grand total of 3 hours and a half and still feeling the effects of jet lag in our very souls"

Emily wasn't crying anymore, but smiling knowingly. She knew what had happened during those four days. Nevertheless, she looked reminiscent, happy. That was all I needed to carry on.

"Those were probably the longest 4 days we ever spent together"

I heard Emily laugh along with our friends.

"The hike was much harder than you had planned and maybe about half way through the first day you started complaining. When you weren't tired, your feet were hurting and when you didn't have to pee, you were hungry. It was horrible and if I dared remind you it was your idea, you'd glare at me and stop talking to me for at least two hours. I never told you, but during the third day, I'd tell you it was your idea _precisely_ because you wouldn't talk to me for a few hours afterwards and I'd therefore have a rest of your fool mood."

Everybody in the room started sniggering. I chanced a glance at our table to see that all our friends were sporting wide grins, Katie in particular. Obviously if one person here knew Emily's mood swings intimately beside myself it certainly was Katie.

"By the fourth day, you were in such a pissy mood that even if I stayed silent you'd get mad at me. And since I'm such a kind and patient person…"

More snorting came after that one. I could see Effy shaking her head and for her part, Emily had raised an eyebrow real high.

"I was in an equally pissy mood. We kept snapping at each other and even started complaining that the whole travelling idea had been a bad one. You started yelling that, after this, you wouldn't want to be in my presence for at least 2 months and I only replied that I'd welcome the time off. I think we properly traumatised that old French couple Bernard and Maryse with our swearing and yelling. We were at the limit of our tolerance when we finally made it. It was probably 4 in the morning when we crossed the last section of the forest and emerged in the valley with all the ruins. And then, for the first time in 4 days, we both shut up instantly. And considering we're both pretty stubborn, I think it was quite a feat."

I smiled lovingly at Ems and so did she. The view we had experienced was still very clear in our memories.

"You remember how magical it was? I had never seen anything so completely beautiful. The sky was actually pink and the sun just rising and making everything glow in a soft golden light. I remember thinking then that I wouldn't have wanted to share this moment with anyone else. We both walked a bit further into the valley and everyone in the group followed. We all settled to watch the sunrise in silence. We walked a bit more, stepping away from everyone else, wanting to create our own little bubble within this moment. We both threw our backpacks on the ground and continued gazing at the view. I remember you looked horrible. You had twigs stuck in your ponytail, you had scratches all over your legs and your face was smudged with god knows what. I was probably looking just as nice and if I recall it correctly, we both smelled worse than a pile of dung. But when you turned to me and smiled, you were the most beautiful I had ever seen you. We had been at each other's throat for 4 full days, verbally abusing each other every chance we got. But it only took one beautiful sunrise to take all the stress and anger away. You jumped into my arms and we kissed then, slowly, passionately, we kissed just like if it was the last kiss we'd ever get to share. Now we really had shocked the fuck out of Bernard and Maryse! "Doux Jésus!"" I mimicked.

Everyone laughed again.

"This is the essence of us Ems. We can nag each other, we can yell, we can pull tantrums, we can hate everything about each other. We can make it last for days, weeks probably, but in the end, when the storm has gone all that's left is love. Because I love you with all my being and so do you. I'll never forget that day. It wasn't planned. It was completely spontaneous, yet it was one of the best experiences of my life. It's when I think about days like this that I remind myself that having no plans or acting on a feeling is actually okay. It also reminds me how much you're the only one for me because I wouldn't want to do stuff like that with anyone else and let's face it, no one else could ever convince me to do them. We work together best, we complete each other in ways no one else could. You fill the gaps in my life and in my personality and I can only hope that I do the same for you. We're two fucking forces of nature, sometimes polar opposites, but something always pulls us back together. Because that's just how it is and that's how we want it to be. I guess I've always known it, but I find it a bit ridiculous that it took me 8 years to actually understand it properly. But at least I did. And now I know, there's no running away from your love. No matter how much I run, in the end, I'll always end up running straight back to you because I can't help it, because that's where I fit best, that's where I belong, because there's no more doubt in my mind, because the best things that have happened to me were never "part of the plan". Because of all that, today Ems, I wanna do something I never thought I'd do. But I know it'll be one of the best decisions of my life."

I hoped off the stage then, leaving my microphone behind and walked up to my smiling redhead who had started crying again. I stood in front of her and took her left hand in mine.

"Hun, I love you. I know I'm moody and difficult and sarcastic and probably an emotional retard. I know I'm grumpy in the mornings, I behave like a child when I'm sick and I snore when I'm drunk. I also know that I roll my eyes too much, that I complain that you take too long in the shower and that I hate most of your favourite movies. I'm a bit of an idiot and a twat most of the time, but I still love you with every fibre I've got. And that's it Ems, it doesn't get better. It can't. You're everything I ever wanted even if I never wanted to actually admit it! And I know I'll love you forever "

I bent down on one knee at that point and I saw Emily's eyes widen. I don't know if she had had time to actually catch on to what was happening, but she certainly had now. I kept her left hand in mine while taking the velvet box out of my pocket. Emily's cheeks were covered in tears, but she had never looked so beautiful and so happy. Her smile had never been bigger either. I opened the box and presented the ring to her.

"Since I'm already doomed to spending the rest of my life with you because, _believe me_, I couldn't and wouldn't have it _any_ other way, I figured I'd make it official. On a more serious note, I want you to know that I mean this a 100%. Emily Fitch, I love you, would you do me the honour of marrying me?"

I waited for a few seconds as Emily breathed deeply, her sobs rocking her entire little frame. Then, she started nodding like a loon before saying:

"Yes! Of course!"

I took the ring out of the box and placed it carefully on Emily's finger before getting to my feet. The second I was up, my little redhead jumped into my arms squeezing the breath out of me. I could only smile though as I pulled her close to me and inhaled the scent of her hair.

I chanced a look at our table, I could see that everybody was cheering madly. Cook was actually standing on the table, arms in the air, whistling like a mad wolf. Panda and Thomas were hugging each other for dear life, both sporting the fondest look I had ever seen. Laura was clapping politely, while JJ was clapping enthusiastically. Katie was actually sobbing like a little girl as she clapped as well. Effy had her arms crossed with the prettiest smile I had ever seen on her face. It was full of tenderness and awe and so Un-Effy like that it startled me for a minute. Our gazes locked for a second and it transformed into a sly grin. She mouthed "Good job" at me. I winked in reply before breaking our eye contact and holding Emily closer to me.

"I love you" I heard her mutter into my ear.

I hadn't thought it was possible, but I broke into an even bigger smile. My jaw was hurting like hell but I didn't care. This moment was worth it, it was perfect. I felt like my heart had swelled to the size of a mountain. There really was no other place I would have rather been then right here right now, hugging Emily, my future wife.

"I love you too" I told her and had probably never meant it more.

We kissed and hugged and eventually joined our friends back at our table. Emily showed her ring to Katie, Panda and Lara in turns. Cook ordered a round of shots and patted me on the back. JJ and Thomas congratulated me on my speech and Effy just sat and watched the whole thing looking serene. I stretched my hand and intertwined my fingers with Emily's as we both continued talking with everyone. It was simple and maybe even looked a bit weak after the moment we had just shared, but we didn't need anything more.

At some point during the night, our gazes locked and we told each other a million more things within seconds. We didn't even kiss for the rest of the evening, we didn't really take the time to do it until we went back home that night. We just kept it simply to our hands holding each other firmly.

I think that's the thing about love though. It doesn't always have to be about grand gestures and huge displays. It's in everything you see, everything you feel. It's in the way our hearts flutter at the simple touch of the other's skin, in the way you feel a sense of certainty when you go to bed at night. It took me months and a crazy experience to realize exactly what loving someone means. My heart is on the line now, I know, but when I sit calmly beside Emily holding her hand, it feels like I have nothing to fear. And so I don't. I know I'll just hold on to her hand for as long as I breathe and so will she.

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**-The End- **

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**Final A/N: **

**Wow! I can't believe it's over! There are no words I think to describe how this last's year has been for me, writing this story. If I made you feel a huge array of emotions, I promise it's similar of how you've all made me feel! I never though this story would grow into something so popular and into a tale that resonated with so many of you. I want to thank personally each and every one of you for all the reviews and kind words and support, but even as I do so, I feel like it isn't enough! I'm not a writer guys, I'm not an author, to know that I was able to write something that meant so much to you is a splendid thing. It still amazes me daily! I'm so grateful I've gotten to do that and experience that!**

**I want to thank the Twitter and Tumblr Crew for so much entertainment and so much support!**

**Yes, this story was **_**always**_** going to end happily! As much as I love you all guys I wouldn't have changed my ending had it been a sad one because of the popular demand of a happy ending! But luckily for everyone this was always intended to end this way! But let me admit I had a crazy amount of fun making you doubt and fret for a second!**

**Many people were part of my life during this writing process and I want them to know they were all appreciated! **

**Nat, you were the first and we might not talk that often anymore, but your support was amazing!**

**Crev, Steph and Beck! You Twitter pals are amazing and all talented writers! Your enthusiasm has shown no boundary and it has been absolutely hilarious to watch/read!**

**Suz my favourite you-know-what! Hun I think you know how much I care about you : ) I'd write it all out and it still wouldn't represent our friendship properly! You're like a daily part of my life you know and your opinion and love of this story has been a major motivator all throughout! So thank you so much for that!**

**Myrtle! So many emails, so much laughter! You know I admire your writing so much it was an absolute honour to get your first review and all the ones after that! I value your opinion greatly and was always curious and relieved to be able to share certain things with you ;) I love our chats and I know that we'll keep on having them for a while even now that this is dusted and done!**

**Emzzzzzz my counterpart, my cyber lover :P I can't end this without mentioning you for sure! Mate you've helped me through some seriously rough spots. You came through for me in a way I would have never imagined an internet friend to come through! If it weren't for you, I'm pretty sure my life would be very different right now and I really owe you a big one! You reviewed my very first chapter and have stuck with the story until its very end. It means the world to me you know! I can't see the end of our friendship and I really don't want to! One day I'll come annoy your ass all the way to London, I know it! I can't wait to write that collab with you because I know we'll have an absolute blast doing it! I lurveeee you Emz ! **

**And finally, this is gonna sound sappy as fuck, but wtv! I want to give a special thank you to my girlfriend because you guys should realize I wouldn't be able to write one line if it wasn't for her! She is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me! The MOST! She sticks with me through everything and I have never loved a person in the way that I love her! SO I really need to thank her for that! And to do it properly, I must do it in French : )**

**Merci mon ange d'être dans ma vie. Tu sais que mon amour pour toi est sans limite et je veux que tu comprennes vraiment à 100% que chaque phrase, chaque paroles d'amour que j'ai pu écrire dans cette histoire, je les aie écrites en pensant à toi. Tu es mon ange gardien, la femme de ma vie et tout ce qui va autour de ça! Je suis à toi du bout de mes cheveux jusqu'au bout de mes orteilles! Je t'aime à la folie la plus extrême xxxxx Your Lobster : ) **

**Again, a million of thank yous, I hope this was worth the year you spent reading it! We will surely see each other on other stories : ) I've got a few projects brewing somewhere and not just the collab! So this is a see you later not a goodbye, thanks again! Xxx**

**MM**


	33. Extras

**A/N: SURPRISE! Ah! Will you look at that folks? It's an update? :P Okay, so this is not another chapter, this is not an epilogue either. I kind of like to see it as Extras. Like if this story was a DVD this would be in the Bonus Features part. :P And well I didn't announce it, didn't even say I would be doing it because I wasn't sure I would! When I finished this story a while ago, I knew there was a possibility I would write this little extra piece, but I also knew there was a possibility I wouldn't. So I didn't want to make promises. But eh! Here it is now :) **  
><strong>Really you should thank Tapat for this one because i don't think it would have existed if it wasn't for one of the questions she asked me on Tumblr!<br>**

**So you know this is a bit different than how the whole story was written, but I hope you still like it! For all the video games fans out there see this as the perfect ending ;)  
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**By the way, I've missed you guys loads!  
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**MM  
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**Manifolds: Extras  
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Effy stared at the smoke as it escaped her lips. She took in every little detail from the whiteness and thickness of it to the way it spread in front of her and vanished into the air. She brought the fag to her lips again and inhaled deeply, feeling the familiar scorch of tobacco burn her throat. She was used to it though and she let it burn for just the right amount of time before letting it out again. The brunette was barely moving other than that, only making the conscientious movements required to smoke her fag calmly.

"I look like a fucking idiot!"

The words rang out in the room bringing Effy out of her silent contemplation. She raised her eyes to set them on her best friend who was looking at herself in the mirror, a heavy frown crossing her features.

"Oh?" Effy uttered, her voice leveled and her eyebrow raised.

"Bloody hell, I actually look like a right tosser" the blonde girl whined again.

"And that's different than usual because?" She replied, a soft smirk crossing her lips now.

"Har har, Eff, Cheers" The other said her eyes still fixedly set on herself.

Effy felt herself chuckle. She took another long drag of her fag before putting it down in the ashtray and giving her friend some much needed attention. The brunette lifted her gaze to inspect the other woman and felt her eyes roll on their own. Was she even serious? The fact was that today was Naomi's wedding day and she actually looked absolutely radiant. Her hair had been coiffed in curls that seemed completely natural and her fringe had been styled in a quiff that gave her an air of grandeur, a certain class and elegance that made the blonde breathtakingly beautiful. Her dress was a simple one for Naomi had refused to wear anything puffy or too cliché. As it was, it was made of an immaculate white satin fabric with a plunging neckline that showed just the right amount of cleavage to be tasteful, but yet irresistible. It also hugged her hips perfectly before falling straight to Naomi's feet and left her whole back completely bare.

Effy knew for a fact that Emily hadn't seen her fiancée's dress yet and the brunette felt sure she would appreciate it with hungry lustful eyes. Hell, Effy herself couldn't deny that Naomi looked utterly stunning right now.

"You do know you don't look stupid though, do you?" Effy asked her friend.

"Yeah?" the blonde said, giving her friend a worried expression. "I _feel_ fucking stupid though…"

"Well I promise that's just you"

The blonde gave her a thankful smile which Effy met with a simple shrug. As a bridesmaid, wasn't it her job to reassure the soon-to-be married woman? Besides, Naomi had been nice enough to fight Jenna Fitch about the appearance of the bridesmaid's dresses so Effy wasn't stuck with a bright pink assemblage of lace and crinoline. The brunette definitely owed her best friend for that, she thought.

For a bridesmaid, Effy was surprised to look actually decent. Her dress was silver grey and knee length and fit her really well. With her usual wavy hairdo that was tactically ruffled, there was no doubt that Effy would turn a few eyes at the reception.

The brunette was brought out of her musing by Naomi huffing loudly, still looking worriedly at her profile. Effy smirked again. She could feel her amusement bubbling inside her. It was rather funny to see her best mate looking so flustered and out of her depth. She didn't have time to say anything, not that she had wanted to say something in particular, before there was a quick knock on the door and Gina entered with Kieran in tow.

The older woman clutched her heart with her right hand and gasped as she took in her daughter's appearance.

"Oh Naomi! You look magnificent" she exclaimed.

"I don't feel like it" The younger blonde snorted.

"None sense love! You're quite a sight to behold!"

Naomi's cheeks colored slightly at her mother's words and her first genuine smile of the day crawled on her face. In the meantime, Kieran had plopped himself down on the small sofa next to Effy. His beard was tidier than usual and he was wearing a suit, but his shirt was un-tucked and his bow tie left dangling around his neck. You really couldn't expect much more than that. Effy gave him a smirk in acknowledgement and Kieran only rolled his eyes.

Gina walked closer to her daughter and started fussing over her hair and make-up much to the younger girl's annoyance. Naomi was keeping her lips pursed and Effy could tell she was restraining herself from snapping at her mother. The brunette's smirk grew wider and she tried to control the bubbles of laughter that were quickly building in her chest. When Gina started humming "Here Comes the Bride", though, Naomi lost it.

"Oh my god mum! No! Just no!" She voiced forcefully.

"What?" Asked Gina with a false innocent look.

Naomi frowned and noticed the champagne flute clutched between her mother's fingers.

"Are you bloody drunk already?" She accused.

"Of course not! Can't I just be happy? My grumpy scornful daughter is getting married! Who would have thought!? I'm just happy is all!" Gina defended.

Naomi tutted loudly and rolled her eyes.

"Why so much frowning on your wedding day honey?" The older woman asked. "Aren't you happy to be marrying Emily?"

"Of course I'm happy!" Naomi huffed indignantly.

"It's not too late to back out ya know" Said Kieran who had by then pulled out a wedding magazine that was lying around and was eyeing it suspiciously.

The three women turned to him, but he didn't add anything else and kept flipping through the pages.

"Anyway…" Naomi continued. "I _am_ happy to be marrying Emily, I just don't like this whole wedding business"

"Reckon we could get you out the back door" Kieran said although, this time, his comment was ignored.

"Oh but lighten up Naomi love, it's just the one day! Do it for Emily" Gina reassured.

"I mean my car isn't parked too far we _could_ make it unseen"

"I just feel so…"

"Twatish?" Effy provided.

"Yeah!"

"And then we could just drive off somewhere, probably best to leave Bristol though. Your lass is wee small Naoms, but she's well feisty"

"It's just so not me! This whole thing is not me!" Naomi pleaded, her face crumbling a bit.

"I can understand your apprehension about this darling, but, really, it _is_ just the one day. And you know how much it means to Emily"

"We could go to Ireland. I've got loads of friends there that would hide you"

"Yeah, I know it means a lot to her. And it means a lot to me too. I never thought I'd say this, but I honestly can't wait to call her my wife"

"Is this the part where we all get emotional?" Effy added sarcastically.

"Or I could drive you south and put you on the next boat to France. Might be safer actually. Could start over, change your name and what not. Personally I quite like the name Cécile. It has a good ring to it" Kieran continued to muse.

"For Fuck's sake Kieran! I'm _not_ running away!" Naomi snapped.

The man didn't look bothered by that sudden outburst and just shrugged while continuing to peruse the magazine. Naomi was properly fuming by then, her face a bit red and her fingers twitching.

"I'll get you a glass of champagne love, shall I?" Gina announced leaving the room deftly, probably in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

As she crossed the threshold, she started singing softly.

"Here comes the bride dressed all in light, Radiant and lovely she shines in his sight, Gently she glides graceful as a dove, Meeting her bride…bride her eyes full of love"

Naomi swore under her breath and closed her eyes while Effy finally let herself laugh out loud. You had to give it to Gina, she was absolutely hilarious when she wanted to be. They were all a bit silent after that until Kieran asked, without even looking away from his magazine:

"Are you quite sure though Naomi? I can go start the car right now if you want. It doesn't _have_ to be Cécile if you don't like it"

"Jesus Kieran! Shut up!" The blonde exclaimed before throwing her arms in the air. "That's it, I'm going to walk around the house, this room is too crowded" She announced.

A few seconds after Naomi had departed, Gina walked back in with a second full flute of champagne and a bright smile on her lips. Her smile faded a little when she noticed that Naomi was no longer in the room.

"Where did Naomi go?" She asked.

"Who knows" Effy replied casually.

"If you see her before I do, tell her I'm looking for her! I want to tell her about this nice little crown we could make out of marguerites to put in her hair for the wedding!" Gina explained brightly before leaving the room again.

Effy chuckled because she was pretty sure Naomi would have a hand cut off before she agreed to wear a "crown" made of marguerites. The brunette chanced a look at Kieran and when she realized he wasn't about to move, she got up gracefully and left the room herself.

It was funny how full the house was on that day, Effy noted. After much discussion, it had been agreed to hold the wedding in Gina's garden and so her house was being used today as a preparation center. Jenna hadn't been happy about that desire at first and had worked really hard on changing Emily and Naomi's mind about this, but to no avail. The idea could sound peculiar at first, but it had to be said that Gina's garden was actually very large and truly lovely.

After Gina and Kieran had come back from travelling, they had decided to move in together. The older Campbell had then decided to sell the small flat she had occupied with Naomi and went in search of something else. It had taken them a few months before they had found a lovely two-story house with 3 bedrooms, a large open area on the ground floor and a garden that seemed to be just as large as the house itself. After moving in, Gina had spent a great deal of time in her backyard, planting flowers and installing cedar lattice on the side of the brick house. Emily had helped her a lot too and had even helped her install some fairy lights on some of the branches and on the trunk of the weeping willow that was in the corner of the yard and on the uppermost part of the old wooden fence that surrounded the whole place. At night, with the lights on, the yard would be engulfed in a soft yellow glow that made it quite magical.

The garden had stayed like that for a few years until Gina had gotten sick of waiting for Kieran and had then asked Cook to build her a wooden terrace that would be large enough for her to have dinner parties with the whole gang. Obviously, with Cook being quite smitten with the older Campbell just as much as he was with the younger one, he had readily agreed and had set himself to the task. After an entire summer of hard work and some help from Rob and James Fitch, Naomi and Gina herself, the patio had been built and stained.

Once that was completed Gina had made a point of inviting them all over more often than necessary and they had spent countless of evenings just drinking and chatting and laughing together in this little piece of homemade heaven. So, naturally, when it had come time to choose a location for their wedding, both Naomi and Emily had felt like there could not be a better place to host the wedding than Gina's garden. They had both argued that they had never been about big flashy things and that hosting their wedding in a place where they felt so at home really was the most important thing. Even Jenna hadn't found a good enough argument to counter that. Also, Effy suspected that, now that the older Fitch had regained a nice and pleasant relationship with her youngest daughter, she wasn't keen on ruining it over a wedding location.

To complete the décor, rows of chairs covered and linked together with a nice white fabric had been added to fill the vast space of the garden. Naomi hadn't been very fond of that set up originally because she thought it was ridiculously tacky, but when she had realized it was the simplest way to appease Jenna she had relented. Of course, when the older Fitch had suggested having a dove release, Naomi had stood her ground firmly and refused categorically. The wedding had taken quite a long time to plan, but in the end they had managed it without causing a third world war, which was a much more successful outcome than what Naomi had anticipated.

As some people walked busily around the place and as some invitees arrived and settled in the garden, Effy walked calmly around the house, sometimes paying attention to what was surrounding her, sometimes not. She laughed to herself when she heard Naomi yell somewhere in the distance.

"It's a gay wedding mom, not a pageant ritual!"

"I'm not asking you to burn incense or tie branches of yew together Naomi! Although that _would_ be nice… It's just a crown! It would be lovely!"

"I said _no_!"

The brunette continued to walk a bit until she passed the door to the garden and walked on the terrace. She leaned on the wooden banister, swiftly removing her metal tin from her bra and taking a fag between her fingers. She lit it before replacing the tin where it had been and started smoking silently. A few seconds later, she was joined on the banister by Katie.

"Hey" The petite said.

"Hey" Effy replied turning her gaze to acknowledge her.

As Emily's bridesmaid, Katie was also wearing a silver grey dress although hers was strapless and had a black piece of fabric tying it around the petite's waist. Her hair was pulled back from her face by French braids and left floating in curls on the nape of her neck.

"How's Emily?" Effy asked after a moment.

"Giddy, excited and completely insufferable" Katie snorted. "How's Naomi?"

"A ball of stress and nerves. I think she's bricking it a bit"

Both girls chuckled.

"You think she's regretting the idea?" Katie asked.

"No. She's just being Naomi" She assured.

Katie nodded slowly.

"Where's Cook?" Effy inquired.

"Around" the petite shrugged. "Last time I saw him he was trying to get a glimpse of Ems' tits so I chucked him out of the house"

"Really? I thought he was satisfied with yours"

"He is. He said he wanted to get "visual confirmation that he was dating the twin with the nicer pair" his words" Katie explained with an eye roll.

"God he's such a wanker" Effy smirked.

"Yeah"

They both smiled though because they knew that, most of the time, Cook was really just trying to get a laugh out of people with his crude comments. And really, Katie loved his bad boy attitude and she knew he actually properly loved her.

"I'm gonna go back to check on Ems" The petite announced a few seconds later.

As she turned around to leave, she came face to face with Naomi. The petite gave her a once over before tilting her head to the side.

"What?!" Naomi snapped rudely.

"I'm surprised there's no awful floral on your dress" Katie spit back.

"Fuck off Katie" the blonde replied with a smirk.

"It doesn't even look like a "recycled" dress or some bollocks like that" the petite continued. "Congrats Campbell, you actually made an effort!"

Naomi rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling genuinely. She knew that Katie saying this basically meant that she looked fucking fantastic.

"I'm still _by far_ the fittest here today, but whatever, you're not as horrendous as usual" Katie concluded before walking away. Just before she was back inside, though, she turned around.

"Emily will fucking turn into a puddle of goo when she sees you. Either that or she'll rape you on the spot." she affirmed with a knowing smirk.

Naomi returned Katie's grin with one of her own before winking.

"That was the plan"

When Katie had gone back inside chuckling, Naomi turned back to Effy and eyed the brunette's fag.

"Oh Jesus, I think I'd die for one of these"

"So have one"

"Can't… don't want to smell of cigarette on my wedding. The perfume I'm wearing is actually part of my master plan to bed Emily tonight"

"Naomi… Don't want to break it to you, but you've been with Emily for nearly 9 years. It's not like you've never bedded her before" Effy said.

"I know, but it'll be the first time I bed her as my wife" Naomi added with mirth.

"Aww and you want it to be special?" the brunette told her sarcastically.

"Shut up" Naomi uttered her cheeks turning red.

Effy rolled her eyes at her and they giggled together for a few seconds. As much as she loved her, it had to be said that Naomi was completely hopeless when it came to Emily. Any trace of badass she could have tried to convey always went right out the window when the petite was in the vicinity.

They leaned on the railing together for a few seconds in comfortable silence once they were done giggling. The brunette continued smoking and Naomi just seemed to bathe in her calmness, like being in her friend's presence was finally soothing her. And then they heard Gina approaching. She was still singing.

"Asking god's blessing as they begin, Life with new meaning, life shared as one, Entering God's union, bowed before His throne, Promise each other to have and to hold."

Naomi groaned loudly as if she had been physically hurt.

"God she's so embarrassing" she whined.

"She's very… Giddy" Effy chuckled.

"A bit too much" Naomi complained moodily before pushing herself off the railing a bit. "I'll see you later yeah?"

Effy nodded slowly and her friend swiftly departed, lifting her dress a bit as she ran away. The next second, Gina had come through the door, her flute of champagne as full as ever. She nodded to Effy and continued singing as she went along, sometimes stopping to straighten a few things.

The brunette smirked knowingly to herself before chucking her fag and leaving her spot. She had enough time before the wedding to wander a little.

Effy walked to the weeping willow and moved under its cascading branches. She trailed her fingers on the green leaves, letting herself absorb the beauty of it. She looked between the branches as more people gathered around the chairs and some began sitting. She knew the wedding would be starting soon. But she still had time to observe. She liked observing people, looking at the way they interacted. It was funny to her how people thought she had some kind of mind reading power. She didn't. But I guess she had always been able to pick up easily on how people were, how they moved, how they reacted to things. Enough to make it easy for her to notice the smallest of gesture, the faintest of reactions, making her able to sort through lies and truths.

She let her eyes travel on the forms of the people in the crowd. She spotted Kieran who was already sitting, seemingly ready for the wedding, a magazine still in his lap. He was putting up a good show of looking bored, but Effy knew it wasn't exactly that. He was turning the glossy pages of his magazine with sharp movements and that meant he probably was a bit nervous. For all his efforts of trying to sport a nonchalant attitude, the brunette knew he loved Naomi like a daughter and that he did care about how the day would turn out.

She spotted the Fitches then. Jenna was wearing a violet dress and didn't look nearly as grumpy as usual although she kept scanning the garden as if mentally making sure everything was set properly. Rob had a nice cream dressed shirt with a bright blue tie and was chatting amiably with Gina who was still drinking champagne as if it was water. James wasn't too far, wearing a black dressed shirt and a bright purple tie, his blonde hair flipping effortlessly in front of his eyes. As it was, Effy could tell he was trying to chat up a few girls who probably were co-workers of either Emily or Naomi. The brunette smirked as James received a disgusted look by one of the girls and was then left alone. Some things never changed.

She'd been a bit engrossed in the spectacle and didn't hear someone join her under the tree.

"The kid's got balls, but his game is terrible" a voice said behind her.

Effy felt herself smirk and turned around slowly. Her smirk grew even wider when she took in the sight of her friend.

"Well well, isn't that a sight for sore eyes? You look proper fit Cook"

"I've always been a sexy lad me" the boy replied with his trademark Cheshire cat grin.

And to be fair to the man, he was sexy indeed. Effy wasn't sure where he had gotten his suit, but it was made of a fine grey fabric that was no doubt of a really good quality. Under his coat, Cook was wearing a vest and a tie of a silver color that perfectly fit hers and Katie's dress. It seemed simple enough, but the suit fit Cook like a glove, making his shoulders just that perfectly wide and his waist that perfectly slim. Also, it had to be noted that the boy's arse looked positively wonderful in the tight trousers.

Effy gave him a slow once over, making sure to give him a smoky look she knew he'd appreciate.

"It's too bad we don't fuck anymore those days" she muttered in a sultry voice.

Cook guffawed loudly, throwing his head back. When he looked back at her, the brunette winked. They both knew she was teasing… mostly.

"I can't believe you joined the faithful club" Effy ended up musing out loud.

"I can always make an exception for you love" Cook said putting his arm over her shoulders.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head because, really, they both knew this was just talk. He'd never cheat on Katie for he really _did_ love her.

"Wedding's about to start" Cook said leading her back towards the crowd.

They walked like this, with his arm around her shoulders, to the altar. Since Cook was Naomi's best man, he stayed with her on the left side and winked at Katie and JJ who were standing on the other. The minister made her entrance shortly after that, saluting them as the final invitees settled.

And then it began and it all seemed to happen so fast, but so slow at the same time. Some moments would be lost with time, some moments would not be remembered by most people, Effy was sure of it.

Like when Gina led Naomi to the altar and gave her a very discreet tap on the bum as encouragement.

Or when the blonde let an ushered breath out of her lips and shuddered just a little in anticipation when they began playing the song Emily had chosen for her wedding march.

Of course, everyone would remember the first time Naomi laid eyes on her future wife. When Emily walked up that isle and smiled at her, the blonde probably forgot there even were other people around them. Both their smiles had reached ridiculously high proportion and even as Emily stopped in front of her, kissed her father on the cheek and mouthed the word "hi" to her, Naomi didn't move, didn't say anything. Cook had even sniggered next to her and still, Naomi hadn't moved. She was transfixed, in complete awe of the one woman she had ever loved with all her heart.

Most of the guests would probably forget the minister's speech that came after that and even Effy herself would have to admit she had barely listened. But she _would_ remember how both Emily and Naomi had shut glances at each other throughout the whole time. Their eyes would travel along each other so fast that Effy felt sure they were actually conversing. She even had to hold a laugh when she distinctly noticed Naomi arching her back a little, giving Emily a nicer view of her bum and the redhead subsequently blush a little, her eyes becoming much darker. Of course, Effy would have bet that no one else noticed.

Everyone would remember the heartfelt vows the two lovers had said to each other. They'd remember the words and the stories and the happiness. Effy would remember the way that Emily's voice had shaken a little and the way that Naomi's eyes had never even blinked. She'd also remember all the silent promises that had passed between their eyes straight to their hearts, all the love that had oozed around them that their words would never convey.

Everyone had cheered when they had finally been declared married and when they had kissed. Katie had had to wipe her eyes furiously and Cook had walked over and hugged her to his chest before letting her go momentarily to crush both Naomi and Emily in a tight hug.

And in this mist of people celebrating and cheering and congratulating, Effy would always remember that Naomi had leaned towards Emily and had whispered something in her ear and that had made the petite's eyes gloss over with such love and affection that even Effy with all her cynicism and doubts was a bit overwhelmed.

The sun had set some time after as they had settled in the garden to celebrate the wedding with a fitting party. The fairy lights had been turned on and a few guests had gasped. Naomi and Emily had taken the first dance, swaying gently, lovingly as it was expected from them. And then other people had joined them and the party had truly begun.

In a completely fantastic trick of Naomi's, Keith had been hired to DJ the night and had entertained everyone with ridiculously crude and rarely funny jokes. Obviously Cook had found it beyond amusing, but Jenna had been mortified, spending a very long part of the evening her lips pursed in disapprovals until Gina had cooed her into drinking enough champagne to enjoy herself and Effy was pretty sure this had been exactly Naomi's intention.

A while later, people had succeeded themselves to the microphone to bestow their best wishes to the couple. Emily and Naomi had both received everything with grins and smiles. Even when James announced that, the invitation Naomi had to the party in his pants was still on despite them being legally relatives now, they kept smiling and just laughed it off. Although Effy was sure she saw Emily swipe the back of her brother's head later in the evening.

Effy, for her part, had kept her speech very simple and very short. For one she hated making speeches and her best friend's wedding or not, she wasn't about to speak about feelings in details or anything. She knew though, when she glanced at Naomi's face and saw some unshed tears in her eyes, that her words had been appreciated nonetheless.

It didn't even take anyone much by surprise when rain decided it wanted to join the party after all and they all had to retreat inside. By then, there weren't that many people left anyway and they all fitted in the space Gina had made for them all in her living room. The older Campbell had even gotten some crumpets and crackers out for them and had ventured to make tea. Keith had retreated home a while ago, but they had still managed to find a few old vinyls to play on Gina's ancient turntable.

By the end of the evening, they were all exhausted, but they all felt so comfortable in each other's company that they didn't really want to leave. Lara and JJ were huddled together in a corner looking at Thomas and Panda who were showing off the products of their recent ballroom dance lessons. Jenna was discussing tea and recipes with a highly amused Gina while Kieran, Rob and James had turned on the telly and were watching some random footy match at low volume. Cook, who had long ago discarded his suit jacket, and Katie were dancing together, barely paying attention to anyone else. From time to time he would whisper something in her ear and make her giggle and from time to time she would caress his back with her hand and make him smile broadly.

As she watched them leaning on a nearby wall, Effy thought it was pretty amazing that they had found each other. It was funny to her how she actually hadn't really seen it coming, not like she usually did anyway. Both had spent so much time revolving around the other without actually knowing they would be quite a nice fit. But there they were now, together and bloody happily at that. The brunette smiled tenderly because it had to be admitted that she did love both those kids a lot. She'd always cared about Cook no matter how shitty she had behaved towards him and as for Katie… well I guess bashing someone's head with a rock did make you care about them afterwards.

Effy left her spot to go wandering around the house a bit. She noted, as she made her way to the kitchen, that she hadn't seen Emily or Naomi for a while now. She laughed to herself and shook her head slightly. Those two really were unbelievably into each other weren't they?

When she reached the kitchen, Effy stretched to open a window before leaning on the counter and taking out her fags. It's not that Gina exactly minded her smoking inside, because she didn't, but she figured it was more polite. Besides, Effy liked to feel the cool breeze on her cheeks and smell the musty scent of rain.

"Mind if I bump you one mate?" she heard a voice behind her.

She turned to see Cook walk towards her before leaning on the counter by her side. She handed him a fag and he quickly lit it. They stayed silent for a while, just looking at the falling rain. They had never really needed to talk when in each other's company anyway. When they were both done smoking, they discarded their cigarettes, but neither made a move to leave.

"Where d'you reckon Naoms and Emily went to shag?" Effy ended up asking a while later.

Cook chuckled.

"Actually" He started lifting his arm to point at the weeping willow. "They ain't even shagging… For once"

Effy followed his finger with her gaze and automatically spotted the shapes of what were no doubt Emily and Naomi. They were sitting on a blanket, Naomi no longer in her wedding dress, but in skinny jeans and an old red plaid shirt, her hair tied in a loose ponytail and a pair of black rimmed glasses on her nose. Emily, for her part, was still in her dress, her bum at Naomi's side and her legs draped over the blonde's. They were huddled close, their arms around each other's, and appeared to be giggling at whatever Naomi was saying. Emily's hand was tracing Naomi's forearm lazily as she gazed at her wife lovingly an ever so content smile on her lips.

"They are disgustingly in love aren't they?" Effy said without dislodging her eyes from the couple.

"Oh yeah" Cook sniggered. "Very much so"

The brunette waited a few seconds before continuing.

"You know… you look like you're heading right there yourself with Katie"

She turned to look at the boy next to her.

"Yeah well… Wouldn't be that bad a thing, would it? She's like… pretty fuckin' amazin' and that's like… nice innit?" He admitted sheepishly.

Effy's eyes softened at her friend's admission and she touched his shoulder briefly.

"I'm glad then" she said with sincerity.

Cook nodded slowly and smiled.

"So? Will it be you and Katie Fucking Fitch next?" Effy teased.

"Woah there" he laughed. "Ain't quite there yet, but well… maybe. Who knows right?"

"She'd want a bit thing you know?"

"Oh yeah, I do! Hasn't shut up about weddings since those two decided to tie the knot, has she?"

"I bet"

"Fucking Naomio man. Made such a proper speech and shit she raised that fuckin' bar real high" Cook complained.

It was Effy's turn to nod.

"Anyway, what about you love? Will you walk down that road one day?" He asked.

"I don't think so, no. But like you said, who knows?" she shrugged.

Cook didn't say anything for a while. Then, his eyebrow creased.

"Ef… do you… Do you like… still miss him… sometimes ya know?" he whispered.

He didn't say who and she didn't need him to.

"Yeah… sometimes" she replied just as quietly.

He nodded, his eyebrows still creased. Then, he grinned and he didn't look upset anymore.

"He would have fucking loved that wedding business, ya know? He was a proper sucker for romance he was Fredster"

"Yeah… I know"

"Would you have married him? I mean… if things had turned out different. Would you have?" he asked turning to look at her genuinely curious.

She pondered for a moment.

"I don't know. Maybe. I… There weren't a lot of things I wouldn't have done for him I think" she finally admitted feeling her heart clench a bit painfully.

Most of the time, she was alright with what had happened to Freddie, she really was. But at other times, it still hurt, still pained her so much from the inside that she felt like she was losing herself a bit again.

Cook nodded before drawing the brunette in his arms and squeezing her closely. She drew her arms around his waist and smiled into his chest. Every time she felt herself slipping a little, retreating in her head, her friends always managed to bring her directly back, rooting her decidedly back to earth. She'd never find the words to thank them properly, but she knew they didn't need words. They knew.

The moment of quiet was broken when Cook erupted in laughter above her and pointed back at the weeping willow. Effy laughed along when she noticed that Emily and Naomi had started snogging energetically now, they hands roaming freely.

"Bet you a tenner they'll be shagging in two minutes" Cook said.

"I'm not taking a bet I will lose" Effy replied.

"Right. What about a tenner they'll tell us they want kids before the end of the year then?" The boy continued, laughing.

"Again, I'm not taking a bet I will lose"

Cook chortled even louder.

"You know what Ef? Never mind those birds, let them have their moment, I want a fuckin' dance wiv ya so come enjoy some swaying with the CookieMan yeah?"

"Alright" she said before taking his hand and retreating to the living room where everyone else was still gathered.

Naomi and Emily could have their shag under the tree in private. She'd let them. But she'd be damned if she didn't tease the blonde to death the next day. Because that was what you did to the people you loved, you teased them.

Effy smiled as she started swaying first with Cook and then with Panda trying to match her crazy moves and finding herself genuinely laughing heartily. When Naomi and Emily joined them back a long while later, both their hair a mess, she laughed even more. Neither of the girls minded and they settled on the couch and, together, like a family, they started talking and telling stories. They even caught themselves making plans about the future. When Jenna quipped about grandkids and Emily admitted sheepishly that they had started thinking about it seriously, both Cook and Effy nearly died of laughter.

When the night rolled in and they all went to bed at some place or another, Effy realized just how happy she actually was.

All things considered, it was quite nice really, love. And so was having a family.

.

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**So that's that sorted :) Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for all the positive feed back on the last chapter guys! I'm still so grateful for the love you've shown this story (and shown me as well). So you know, thanks a million times :) **

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